EFAP - The Expanded Universe - Orphans, Goliath and the Cosmic Chicken.

This is the first of the Expanded Universe of the EFAP lore.
Many would consider this required reading to understand many of the important character arcs and plot lines in the future episodes of EFAP.
If you would like to see the full stream in it's glory, you can find it here - • Video

[@EveryFrameAPause]

And now...the lore is whole.

[@Emperor_Toxatine]

The circle is now complete. When I left you I was Goliath now I am Cynic Snacks.

[@nomadscheap-n-nerdy9901]

Efap is cool but I miss the structured videos.. kinda wish you’d organize the stream like a podcast.

[@Dunmerdog]

Oh god oh god oh god mooler thank u

[@kanna-chan9455]

This needs a book written about it

[@____uncompetative]

MooLer When you attempt your 24 hour EFAP you could have the couple of Australians on you had exhaustively discussing what made Spidey Spidey and I realised you could leave them to a topic and go off and have a nap for 4 hours at a critical juncture. It might make all the difference. Good luck. The longest I have stayed awake working was 36 hours when I mistakenly deleted 22 years of work on my multiparadigm programming language and had to reconstruct the specification from memory or risk forgetting its details forever. I slept a long time after that.

[@hardromeo436]

Do not tell me of the expanded lore. I was there when it was written.

[@smugalice6206]

Underrated meme

[@amanibob1416]

"I was born in it... Molded by it."

[@JayExci]

You finally did it!

[@Emperor_Toxatine]

Jay Exci YOU finally figured out the moderator chat right?....right?

[@mrmackellar3337]

Jay Exci The geode god is here

[@ultimatefattie9022]

Geode!

[@amanibob1416]

"For the tism!" "For the milk!" "For the Toxic Brood!" Bilbo Bigideas of Bagginess, Esquire.

[@iceicejay9569]

Jay Exci you finally watched LOTR

[@GordoFabulous]

Every episode of EFAP is a seven-hour-long "you had to be there" joke.

[@MassiveiusBiggus]

Objectively, yes.

[@punishedbearzerker5400]

"Bwak bwak bakak!!!" - Cosmic Baggins 14 billion B.T.D. (Before The Don)

[@Pravdik918]

This was the most legendary not EFAP ever.

[@Le-cp9tr]

From the aether, long before the age of man, the birth of the duality of EFAP memes was born. The benevolent Cosmic Chicken, and the destructive Goliath. Perfectly balanced as all things should be...

[@Dunmerdog]

The great book of the hatemongers of the toxic brood: the objectonomicon

[@chazfu]

And then the Cosmic Chicken looked upon its work, and spake thusly, "Geode."

[@lorddolamite6141]

1:55 Famous. Last. Words. Scorch n' torch, scotch n' torch my n-word sister...

[@Emperor_Toxatine]

BEST SEASON EVAAAAA

[@nathanielesposito3756]

43:01 Glad I could contribute some small part to official cannon.

[@poorlybus417]

When Disney buys EFAP they better do their homework.

[@e.c.winner7252]

There will be mass revolt if they try. THE MOUSE WILL HAVE TO PRY EFAP OUT OF OUR COLD, DEAD HANDS

[@Harrinsain]

That's why the storm troopers lose so easily. They're orphans so they have really low bone density

[@SAWTheDesigner]

Lets count all the deserts in all Star Wars movies. And choose which desert is the best. My favorite is the desert where the scared black man unexpectedly appears.

[@blueguygaming1330]

>black man appears in desert unexpectedly >unexpectedly

[@cyscosystar3507]

The only thing I have learned is... slapping the word orphan in, around, behind and on top of movie titles make the product 10 times better

[@MassiveiusBiggus]

"It's neat." -Fringoloid Fringleton

[@MeHighCheekSentMeHigh]

Neat.

[@sdfabctr]

four dudes are chilling in their houses and one guy is just running from a dog kaiju... The fuck?!?

[@picard714]

Geode for this, gentlemen. Always....

[@christerjonsall5415]

I put down agreements!

[@Maddog3060]

I spent weeks catching up on old EFAPs to get the lore, and NOW you make an easy, all in one video explaining so much of it? :P Oh well. At least now it's easy to refresh everything! GG well played.

[@alexanderrichard8842]

For context this happened after the Arrival Debate stream

[@dricsi07]

Goliath has no master! It died at the creation of the universe! And now.....it is unleashed upon the mortal realm!

[@YourLocalCopiumDealer]

Ah... "The hound of the Philippines" A classic...

[@LoveThisRealWoman]

One does not simply understand the lore of EFAP - Goliath Baggins

[@herrikudo]

Its like understanding a magnanimous free spirit like The Don.

[@TyrDrum]

Looks like meats back on the menu boys! - Orclin Baglins

[@AlecRozsa]

i like how people who don't watch EFAP would probably still have no idea what's going on, the memes are literally that deep

[@e.c.winner7252]

Alec Rozsa This is our Darmok.

[@topedaddy6793]

Gold.... Pure GOLD you massives 😁😁😁😁

[@TriplePalindromous]

That was one of the best EFAPs ever.

[@Emperor_Toxatine]

30:31 a meme was born

[@joesomebody3365]

Thank you for posting this, it will help me catch up on the dozens of E-Fap's that I don't always have time to watch.

[@Kernwadi]

"Yes." -Bilbo Baggins

[@MassiveiusBiggus]

EFAP is like a potato; perfect in every way and brings you joy, but when there isn't enough of it, people die...

[@MeHighCheekSentMeHigh]

Yes.

[@justaghostinthesea]

That took a turn

[@Emperor_Toxatine]

Dude I love your editing on this Massive Long 🤣

[@P.T.S.E.]

What do you call a young boomer? Apparently the answer is Jay. He probably haven't watched Lord of the Rings because he can't figure out his Blue-ray player.

[@justaghostinthesea]

Blue ray players are malicious entities, they actively resist convenience

[@Emperor_Toxatine]

Also Moderator chat is best chat

[@Emperor_Toxatine]

1

[@DiceOL]

CinemaSnacks lost in the Philippines at night and being chased by dogs while streaming it is genuinely a sitcom bit.

[@QuestText]

This is going on repeat forever.

[@MooncricketsInc]

Blessed be the massive Goliath and all his victims that come across him

[@conanfan1412]

*The following takes place between EFAP #32 & #33, but before EFAP Movies #1.

[@Kernwadi]

Why was 6 afraid of 7? It's a fairly common question, mostly because when people see 6 and 7 next to each other, it doesn't really make sense. 6 is large, muscled, and trained in multiple martial arts, while 7 is fairly average, physically, and short. However, 6's fear of 7 has its roots in childhood. See, 6 and 7 grew up together, and for a few years, they were best friends. But then 6 kissed 3, and they became childhood sweethearts. 7 secretly had feelings for 3, so 7 decided he needed to destroy 6 to win 3's affection. He started subtly, undermining 6 whenever possible with passive aggressive comments and compli-sults. But over time, things got much more insidious. 7 started messing with 6's performance in school, bringing down his grades and turning teachers against him. Even worse, 7 became great friends with 6's parents and slowly turned them against their own offspring. At night, 7 would sneak into 6's bedroom, and whisper depressing and hopeless things into his ears. Every time 3 was around, 7 would pants 6 and make fun of his genitalia, or try to body shame him in other ways. However, 3 was both smart and compassionate, and saw through 7's schemes, sticking with 6, trying to counter 7's psychological tear-down with compliments and friendship. Finally, 7 decided that he would never be able to win 3, so he drugged both 6 and 3, taking them to an abandoned cobbler's hut on the edge of town. There, he proceeded to torture and maim 3, forcing 6 to watch in horror, unable to do anything to save his sweetheart. 7 didn't kill 3, but instead, put her in a semi-vegetative state. 7 cleaned the scene of his prescence, then called the cops, having 6 blamed for 3's condition. 6 was sent to prison, believing 6 was guilty, 6's parents fell into a deep depression, eventually committing suicide over what they believed 6 had done. After serving 17 years of a 30 year sentence, and getting out on good behaviour, 6, now muscled and skilled as a fighter, thought he might get revenge on 7. But when he finally tracked down 7, he found out that 7 had installed a micro-bomb into 3's body, and should he be killed, the bomb would automatically go off and kill 3 as well. And though she was still in a mostly fugue state, 6 couldn't bring himself to hurt her any further, and decided to try and move on with his life. However, being an ex-con, it was difficult for him to get a job. 6 finally found employment at a diner, which 7 then bought, and proceeded to again undermine and toy with 6 at every turn. 6 tried to find employment elsewhere, but 7 contacted any potential employer and soured them against 6. 6 finally realized that no matter what he did, 7 was going to try and ruin his life, and he resigned himself to living as a broken, lonely man, never able to stand up to the depraved, amoral 7.

[@theaverageDon]

Oh now I get it, it's a reupload. This was a great stream that became an EFAP

[@jobreau1725]

Honestly, this maybe my favorite EFAP. And it’s not EFAP. Love it

[@FilmCritictheone]

May the Don bless us with it's return

[@lrysfsto]

Mauler. WHERE IS GAME OF THRONESSSSSS????????

[@bladerunner951]

tnc He’s turning into the George R.R. Martin of KZbin.

[@clapointe151]

Now wolf is gone.... this is so sad. I hope he will get better. I was one of his sub. I found this channel 2 days ago and i can see him again😀😀😀 glory to the word of the wolf, his dishonored blood shall not be spilled in vain😌😌😔😔😔😖😖😖😢😭

[@odigity]

The stream linked in the description is no longer available (marked private). :(

[@ODST_Parker]

There's far too much lore in the EFAP Cinematic Universe for one hour long video, Mauler. Understand, you have not even scratched the surface.

[@amanibob1416]

"It's not working..." Jay's famous last/nuptial words

[@DJprofessorK]

I’m glad I put off watching these videos until last. Save wolf for later happy times

[@theduxabides9274]

I never meant to cause you any sorrow I never meant to cause you any pain I only wanted to one time to see you laughing I only wanted to see you Laughing in the lava rain Lava Raaaain, Lava Raaaaaaaaaaaaaain

[@fredthecosmicchicken6737]

My word is love wolf and objectivity of course

[@naterivers6107]

This is easily the greatest thing I have ever watched in my entire life.

[@TOONYBOY]

59:15 Oh shit, there I am! Man, that comment aged well

[@Reshyon]

Nice new thumbnail. Very good rat.

[@Kernwadi]

Now, lets say, hypothetically, that somebody once told me that the world would proceed to roll me, and made the claim that I was not, the smartest tool in the shed. Which would lead us to look at the facts and see that she was looking kind of dumb, due to the fact that she had placed her finger and her thumb, in the shape of the letter L, located on her forehead. This would mean that the years would start coming, and logically wont stop coming, that I was, hypothetically, fed to the rules, which would proceed with me hitting the ground running. Which didn’t make sense, to live for fun, in a way that your brain gets smart, yet your head gets dumb, seeing as there’s so much to do, and so much to see, so now I must pose the question, what is wrong with taking the backseat? This is due to the fact that you’ll never know if you don’t go, nor you will shine if you don’t glow. For you see, you are, at this moment, an All-Star, so get your game on, and proceed to go play, indeed, you’re an All-Star, get the show on, which would entitled you to get paid. That would mean that all that glitters, is indeed gold, and that only shooting stars, can participate in the process of breaking the mold.

[@wwyd4akb]

I want a movie with the concept of adopting many children and training them in all forms of combat. Warphans

[@wcw2793]

Hey MauLer, have you uploaded EFAP 45 yet?

[@lieutenantnomad9198]

Be patient you hate mongering massive. Why do you even care... Spiderman is out!

[@wcw2793]

Lieutenant Nomad that is true. May the Don forgive me for being impatient.

[@zachgilbert3815]

@@wcw2793 but anyways guys.....

[@derpynerdy6294]

@@zachgilbert3815 How dare you assume someone's gender...

[@Muck006]

"We actually have to have a talk" ... even when serious ... MauLer is funny.

[@theserpent6070]

This is deep, deep lore

[@Kernwadi]

The world would be better if we lived in a society where lactating women could get jobs selling their breast milk as an alternative to cow milk. Just think about it, human breast milk is healthier for humans than cows milk, and we could reduce the amount of cows in factory farms; reduce the amount of cows in general, which would reduce the amount of methane going into the atmosphere and have less of an affect on climate change. Women could unionize to have good working conditions with decent pay and benefits, which would actually make the milk taste better if they were under less stress. Although it will be mandatory to be drug free, and maybe have regular drug tests to insure the quality of milk, that might actually motivate struggling women to quit drugs and get off the streets by selling breast milk. Women with hyperlactation would have an outlet for their excess milk production and be compensated for all the milk they sell, while women who under produce could easily buy the amount of breast milk they need from the grocery store. Just imagine having an omelet, cheesy pasta, or chocolate milk but made with human breast milk; that would be pretty wild by todays standards. The only downside is that drinking breast milk would be normalized and no one would masturbate to the idea of drinking from lactating titties, because that is indeed a problem and everyone totally masturbates to lactating titties. Don't turn this into a copy pasta or I will ejaculate into your nightmares; I am like Freddy Krueger, but horny, and I would totally fill your dreams with spermy wormies.

[@151monka]

This is amazing. 😂 unironic agree. 👌

[@Kernwadi]

@@151monka Thank you.

[@winkles2314]

The Alpha Orphan has disliked the video.

[@YourLocalCopiumDealer]

But don't let it's regular bones fool you. It's still an orphan.

[@mrrm5456]

The memes were more important than the video .... Poor watchmojo 😔

[@baileylanore]

Little did Cynic Snacks realize that he would predict Filmento’s argument about the Vietnamese basically being an alien race

[@ATG_reviews]

Too short

[@ghostravenstorm385]

I love watching EveryFAP.

[@jamesmacken9501]

Snacks sacrificed his dignity to Goliath, so he basically gave all his Kitkats to Goliath.

[@Leotheleprachaun]

27:25 PizzaMan predicts Luke's diary

[@bigmitchy4026]

OMG MAULER, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, NOW ITS A NORMIE MEME

[@doublee343]

What a wonderful birthday present this was

[@TwentyPercentDash]

What if Goliath is an orphan, born from the Cosmic Chicken.

[@deraxelturrelkeign]

orphan n. A child whose parents are dead. n. A child who has been deprived of parental care and has not been adopted. Key word here is child

[@alexlee4171]

30:30 that noise Mr. Pizza made

[@w84Drito]

guess im watching this again :D

[@Haimgard]

Every EFAP (and not EFAP) needs a guy outside in a random alley

[@Cuzzys2nd]

30:29 I had to replay this over and over again, just for the little yell and everyone laughing at Cynic's misery... xD

[@sdfabctr]

my favorite slipknot lyric is "I AM THE ORPHAN!! THE ONE WHO IS UNLOVED!!"

[@feelsbradman6793]

Hi Rag's

[@chriscarman179]

Every time I hear lava rain. All I can thing is a star wars parody of purple rain

[@johnellisbushbush]

Thorphan No-onesson God of Orphans

[@hussarzwei6223]

Who would win, Don or the Cosmic Chicken?

[@afelias]

As a Filipino I was confused about why Goliath lore was what it was, until I found out it was because CynicSnacks had to do a layover in Tondo. Honestly that answered a lot of questions once I got that context.

[@tonlito22]

So much barking. Between Rag's and Goliath there's more barking than words.

[@GordoFabulous]

If you assumed you were an orphan, would you lose bone density via the placebo effect?

[@bosstoober8782]

I saw this on jays channel when it was made(ish) and now I get more of the references

[@mister-x2]

Lore-rich spiderman-free content? Oh yeah baby.

[@poorlybus417]

I would join this religion

[@Victor-vx2hl]

“I don’t like sand”

[@mrzoonix6368]

Is this "Jay - an EFAP story"?

[@JayExci]

yes

[@JayExci]

actually that's a good name for a stream.

[@mrzoonix6368]

@@JayExci I'm happy with $500 for that idea

[@gigidy471]

Shower me with the lore you bad long man.

[@berthein5476]

Hm coming back to this post Ep9.. They were right, RoS had a theme of harsh weather conditions. Exagol, that endor planet, the snow planet. All had bad weather conditions.. Tsts

[@michaelmccarty1327]

12:01 I was ALMOST that one guy on the internet.

[@Narrative_Protocol]

I can't stop laughing at the children ownership bit. I have three sons, apparently, I also own their blood.

[@Narrative_Protocol]

Ice is made of water, friends.

[@deraxelturrelkeign]

Luke Skywalker Culturally appropriated being an orphan.

[@loicbosman4739]

Orphaneas and Ferb

[@rockerknight25]

So awhile back I lived in the South and in black households you often find black Jesus. I asked myself if Asian people had Asian Jesus, and as a gag when I told my gf about this I prayed to Asian Jesus. It worked. And then I got hurt. Every time I prayed to Asian Jesus it worked, but I also got hurt. My prayers escalated and the hurt escalated. I stopped after the fourth time because I prayed for something somewhat difficult and got hurt kind of bad. I couldn't tell if the injury was related to how big an ask the prayer was, or if it just got progressively worse each time like Asian Jesus was telling me to knock it off. Fearing for my life, I stopped. (I genuinely thought I was gonna get hit bt a car next time I tried a prayer.) But in the back of my head I know I always have that card up my sleeve, to be used as a last resort. I could stop Thanos, though I would likely die.

[@revolversnake126]

why is the original video private?

[@FirstMetalHamster]

Aw shit, I've watched this but I was was drunk as fuck, so I don't remember jack shit, so I'll get to watch it again. Noice.

[@cyphernil4416]

Mighty morphin power orphans

[@SDesWriter]

The Philippines are awesome. Going to spend another year working to save up the money and then I'm retiring there. Lots of gorgeous girls, easy to find places where English is universally spoken, it's cheap to live there, the people are nice, and it's really beautiful. BTW, rabies is a huge problem there because of the strays. Definitely a good idea to run the other way.

[@CADPgamer]

Just be careful of the traps there. They should be easy to avoid since they ugly af >_>

[@derpynerdy6294]

Owners here are mostly lazy and let their dogs astray most dogs here looked strays despite being their own pets.

[@wurzel9671]

1:55 That aged like a fine glass of rhino milk didn't it

[@9rium74-75]

What about rhino milk? 🦏🥛

[@fizzlewick]

Well gladly we now know that the Don is gods father