Eldest daughter syndrome is real

[@itgirlplaybook]

Hi loves, I was looking at my analytics and a significant portion of views actually came from people searching "how to be a good daughter." Wanting to be supportive, and your desire to do more and be more for your family, is a beautiful thing- inspiring even. I just hope you're putting in that same effort to look after yourself as well. You're just as amazing and just as important. You're doing a great job, and I'm so proud of you. ❤❤

[@kristalt.7404]

They said that the toughest man you'll ever meet is the eldest daughter in an asian household. Hits hard

[@expensivenoodle]

🙋🏻‍♀️No u don’t understand, I’m the ED and only girl😂 I do love my lil brothers to bits, they are scared of me and I am able to show them what a tough chick looks like so they don’t mess with girls! I have scared off all men I’ve been with because they could not match up, I am made of iron and they don’t like that. But it does weed out the shit men!! And thank god for it, So it is a blessing dear leadies!! I’m rooting for you! We make the best wives too😏

[@Maderlololohio]

​@@expensivenoodlemy amazing sis in law. Her marriage made her very unhappy though. Not getting married is a valid option just saying.

[@hellom3laniehere]

@@expensivenoodle Slay girl, you're doing amazing. I haven't met you but I already want to be like you as the oldest female cousin.

[@expensivenoodle]

@@Maderlololohio So true

[@expensivenoodle]

@@hellom3laniehere Aww ty❤️❤️

[@futoijosei]

This happened to me and people are surprised when I say I don't want kids. I already raised kids. Now I want a break.

[@ferl.r733]

Same. I'm not the eldest daughter but have been helping at home. Currently helping my younger sister and brother. And went out of my way to help my older sister with new newborns. I've got my plate full and don't need to have my own children.

[@az639]

Same. I already raised my sister for 10 years while our mom and dad were busy arguing with each other every day. I think I had enough of raising kids for the rest of my life.

[@ionasan]

This is so true omg

[@Fuckingdisturbed]

I swear I say the same things to my mother and she is like I said the same thing but she is the youngest she will never understand. I don’t want kids because I don’t want them to end up like me but I also don’t want to go through the same things I have been going through for 13 years (I’m 18)

[@shinystars8069]

😂 you are right. I run away from every chance to be with kids or around them because of my own sister I looked after from 1-9years old. We are 17years apart. Mum sometimes calls me her big baby, lol!

[@sezelle]

"and i was so young, when i behaved 25...but now I find I've grown into a tall child."- mitski (first love/late-spring)

[@martaswatek4157]

I'm just 19 and I feel like an older, taller kid.😂

[@alxD-ayy]

I'm 15 and feel and look like I'm in my 20’s

[@bubblegum145]

​@@alxD-ayyWow same. It's literally the same for me🥺. Sure looking old to others gives me the benefits of being respected by others who are around the age of twenty or older,but I can't get used to the fact that men who are around the age of twenty or are my father's age are literally flirting with me and trying to woe me into marrying/dating them. I literally can't walk in public, with my normal clothes,without that happening. My friend is literally jealous of that because he can't seem to get ladies to approach him instead of the other way around😑...(I don't blame the ladies 🤣🤣🤣🤣)

[@claire_Mary]

Feeling guilty for prioritizing yourself is the worst feeling as a first daughter.

[@Vanika.2002]

So real ❤

[@carrie_heart]

My mom, also an eldest daughter said to me, "I wasn't proud whenever your teachers said you matured faster than most kids, because it meant I was making the same mistakes your grandparents made with me." Having to literally raise my baby brother 11 years my junior, while taking care of the whole household as mum tackled postpartum depression, I didn't hang out with friends, didn't have fun for the sake of it, and became expected to act like an adult when doing chores and raising my brother, and then act like a child when it was convenient for my parents (eg when it came to giving my opinion) "you're a kid, know your place" so it was hard to balance. Love felt conditional and when pushed to far and acted out, the guilt literally consumed me. It wasn't normal. I had a serious talk with my mom about thisand things are better. But yeah, the syndrome is so real.

[@PreciousReynDelaTorre]

Its really nice that at the least your mother is starting to see your problems. I hope all the best for you❤❤❤❤

[@LuxuriousLenay]

The whole "act your age" thing is so real.

[@sunnyinlalaland]

OMG you’re so meeee! I also have brother 11 yrs younger 🥹

[@Ijeng_ijeng]

I'm an only child but suffer from the same thing. I was expected to be mature and independent (do house chores from an early age, may not cry, etc) when needed, but they see me as a kid when it's convenient ("you're just a kid, you know nothing") too. When I was in elementary I asked my mom (an eldest daughter in her family w/ 2 lil bro), if she had to choose, would she prefer me to be too mature, or to be too childish? and she said she prefer the latter. I guess she was forced to mature too fast to take care of her lil bros and simply wanted me to enjoy my childhood because she couldn't 😢

[@seasonsstarsstudios]

This was my life. And now I’m constantly accused of causing drama when in fact all I’m doing is pointing out how dysfunctional my family was. My family was the toxic dynamic OP described. I still have no idea who I am, a stranger in my own body, and I need to figure this out WITHOUT my toxic family members stifling me.

[@Magdalenasfears]

"I never worried about you, I know you can take care of yourself."

[@ghadeerjalal8742]

No cus I thought it was a complement😭

[@Magdalenasfears]

@@ghadeerjalal8742 I think they thought that too 😟 and it would be, if we weren't forced to be that way

[@ghadeerjalal8742]

​@SessaV same I thought I was doing it out of my own strength

[@ghadeerjalal8742]

​@SessaV hope u recover from what ever is going on with ur life btw :)

[@rachnatripathy]

Said my father to me once . .

[@urnonexistentlol.]

my mom constantly complains about me behaving like a 2-year-old and being irresponsible, while she at my age cleaned the whole house because my grandmother told her to, all while being more accomplished than her brothers, thankfully she didnt make me do all that stuff even though she complained time to time about it because being the older sister, i admit i am VERY irresponsible and do act immature, but she doesnt force me to do all those chores, and even today she gets mad at my grandmother for her past because she never let my mother enjoy her childhood or even have her back in some situations.

[@Janika1123]

don't talk about yourself like that tho... it's a cycle when we do something, people judge this action as irresponsible and call us irresponsible... the problem is, that we can't help it but believe them if we hear it often enough... means - just because some of your behaviour might be "immature" it doesn't mean you are. IF you believe you are, you are going to choose to act as such because you subconsciously believe that's what's everyone is expecting of you... believe that you are responsible, that you can act responsibly, tell yourself that every single day and you will notice, that you do act responsible in certain situations... and when it comes to chores, doing them under feeling guilty sucks and you know what also sucks? When someone doesn't ask you to do them and then start doing them themselves complaining that you never do them, this is one of the most demotivating ways on how to communicate with people and it will never result in those people doing what you want of them, if your mom wants you to do chores she should be like "the trash needs to be taken out, could you do it, please?" THAT hits different that taking out trash and then complaining that nobody ever takes them out for her... The guilt and shame might make us do the chores but it will never let us enjoy it and if ever we end up in the situation when we no longer feel the shame to do them and guilty for not doing them... guess what... we are not going to do them... that's how it is, it's not irresponsible, we are built to survive not to impress, so why would we waste our energy on this?

[@urnonexistentlol.]

@@Janika1123 facts 👏 👏

[@zahraa-313.]

It’s so weird though, now i see from your view.. my older sister was immature and irresponsible.. so i HAD to be the responsible one to help my mom.

[@rosesaredeadvioletsareblue]

Relatable

[@CrimsonEclipse]

​@@zahraa-313. Same here. My oldest sister was selfish and lazy. She threw all the responsibilities on me once I was like 8 years old because my parents couldn't speak English and I finally could translated for my parents plus I actually help out around the house and support my family especially when they need it. My sister's excuses was my parents problems was not hers and my parents supposes to take care of her because she didn't ask to be born. She was an Ivy league graduate and still thinks our poor immigrants parents owe her for existing because they are the parents. She made more money than me but she refused to help paid for my dad's funeral but instead asked about his life insurance. I paid for my dad's funeral all by myself and I also took care of my grieving mom. At the end my sister is near 40 and alone and had many failed businesses and still trying to find herself over and over again while I actually have a house and family and financial stability and have good family relationship. Sometimes a little self sacrificing means sustaining good relation for stability.

[@shikhajadav7122]

All new experiments are done on us.There is no one to guide us.Then we learn from our mistakes and give advice to our younger siblings.I don't know where my childhood has gone and I am scared of growing up.

[@estherhinds6314]

I call it being the guinea pig child 😂

[@loverrlee]

Yeah and our younger siblings don’t even appreciate the advice we give them because they’re like, “I didn’t ask you for advice.” So I have to hold my tongue and just watch my sister make terrible choices because I’m not her mom but I was told by our mom to be a good role model and care for my sisters at such a young age that it’s hard for me to not give motherly advice to my sister.

[@soummyatilloo1761]

The fact that I have grown up is just unacceptable being aware of the fact that your childhood just faded out like a camphour.

[@garukong.]

@@loverrlee FRR sometimes, we're just seen as naggy or a know-it-all or we don't understand even though we've literally been in the same situation or worse

[@swirl..9727]

​@@loverrlee the iconic "I told you so" when they didn't listen and the damaged was done is a bit satisfying- yet infuriating at the same time lol. (Surprisingly they still won't listen and the blame is still on us -,-)

[@BrooklynBaby100]

The eldest Man doesn’t NOT have these feelings. His mother does everything for him. 🤡

[@Karl...karlkarl]

💀💀💀 as the oldest child and son, this is so not true

[@tc9456]

@@Karl...karlkarlin most families it is. My mom does everything for my grown brothers but expected me to do everything at 12. Disgusting trash that these parents push.that’s why they die alone.

[@Bigboss12344]

Damn chill bruh. I feel pysically attacked

[@Bigboss12344]

​@@tc9456dammnnnn

[@ernestkhalimov748]

You women need help

[@kubachiglow41]

A little off topic but one thing that I hate is that people who are mature but energetic are automatically labeled as immature. One of my closest friends is the eldest and practically raised her younger sister since her mom was irresponsible, even to the point where her sister called her mom when she was little. She’s constantly looking out for others, has the empathy and emotional flexibility to communicate in any situation, and always tells me the most wise life advice shit when I’m going through stuff that some wise elderly person would say. At the same time tho she’s super energetic and bubbly. One day her, me, and some people we knew were talking and for some reason they started ranking maturity, and ranked her lowest cuz she wasn’t “chill” like the other kids were… what?!?? I asked why and the other kids that ranked themselves highest claimed that they were more laid back and acted less like a kid cuz of it. How does that make any sense or equate to maturity at all?? She is constantly getting discredited for her maturity just cuz she actually has energy and gets excited about things. Yet just cuz these other kids act ”chill” and “calm” they’re more mature than her??? knowing what she’s been through that’s the most stupid shit

[@Maderlololohio]

She may b neurodivergent and that just rubs neurotypicals the wrong way. Sad facts of life. Especially when it leads to having to change jobs constantly because of neurotypicals having all kinds of reasons to hate.

[@DL-idk]

I know this. I was a laid back kid who never got excited for anything, but that's because I felt dead inside for most of the time. My parents wouldn't allow me to do anything fun, so everything started to feel pointless. For a longtime I believed that life was just a pool of still water untill I saw how some other people lived their lives. I'm much more emotional now, but also much more mature. Personality and maturity aren't the same thing.

[@ghadeerjalal8742]

THISSSSS YES OMG I have no idea why people assume if you're energetic you're either dumb or immature or something along those lines

[@minarose8723]

Parents play a huge role too. I was only 6 when my brother was born and parents always ALWAYS told a six years old she was supposed to act like an adult. Six years old. I matured faster than my peers in school, I was raised to be independent yet my parents always controlled me which can be so confusing. You tell me to act mature and then baby/control me when I’m the one cleaning after you and taking care of your mental health? Not only that, when I was 13 I was much more mature than my peers, now I’m 21 and less mature than them. The amount of damage this does on us is incomprehensible and our parents will never admit it. It’s best for us to still depend on ourselves and try to save ourselves from this position as soon as we can. If you are younger than me, please take your time to rest, to prioritize your health and interests. Do not wash those dishes before studying. Do not do the laundry before fun activities. Do not cast your own needs aside for your family all the time. I believe in you and know you are loved

[@LuisaRose]

“Now I’m 21 and less mature than them.” I’ve been feeling this way since reaching 20s, but rarely do I hear the eldest daughters talk about this. I feel like there’s something I missed in the process of growing up too fast but couldn’t really figure out what. I’m thinking maybe because I started exploring my inner child around that time when I also left home for college. Now people tell me they can’t believe I’m almost 30. When I ask them is it because of my hair (or anything about looks), they’d say no. Just the vibe.

[@VentiWhoreshipper]

Funny thing is I'm also 21, but I prefer to do chores before my studies/fun times bc I view chores as a distraction. I prefer them DONE NOW, so I can finally have my peace later. Rather than being distracted while doing my fun times bc once it ends, there are chores waiting for me which is much more terrible

[@EXOistheStandard]

​@@LuisaRose I am 21 too. And I thought this is just in my head that now I am immature than the people around me when literally just 2-3 years before I was the most mature one. I don't know what's happening everything is like a blue and I don't know what to do with my future.

[@Maya-zj6us]

I love you too dear 😊

[@minarose8723]

@VentiWhoreshipper that’s the thing. We from a young age are programmed to believe ‘I won’t rest/get my peace until the house is clean/chores are done’. I clean all the time and by the time I have to sit and study I’m worn out. If I studied as much as I cleaned/thought about things I would’ve passed first year of senior year with flying grades. I don’t want to blame these on my parents for raising me that way, there are many who have it worse than me, but I still love to find reasons why I’m the way I am now so I understand myself better and try to heal myself from these little wounds that got infections. Also live laugh love venti 🫶🏼

[@rue2599]

A child honestly never has to take on responsibility. Responsible parents ensure that their kids get to be kids.

[@hellhelii]

my grandma got mad at me bcuz i didn't know how to "properly" wash the dishes and bcuz of that my mom just took over it and did them herself and when my grandma learned abt it she called me lazy. i was 12. i already did my part of hanging laundry and putting the clothes away when they dried. i would vacuum the WHOLE house (5 rooms in my old house) twice a week, sometimes my mom made me do it 4 times and would make me do a certain room again if i didn't do it "correctly". i also had to wipe every mirror spotless in the house almost everyday. on top of everything i had to look after my my younger brother (3years younger than me) and my little sister who was around 1 at that time and sometimes i had to take care of younger cousins bcuz i was the oldest cousin and that was my job. i understand helping out and stuff like that but i truly feel like i was robbed from having a normal childhood. also in every family gathering when they talk about the kids they talk abt how i am the most behaved kid amongst all the other and how i've always been very mature compared to everyone else, little do they know. just yesterday when me and my fam were out my bro and sis were arguing and i changed my seat to be between them just so they'd shut up and at the restaurant i changed my seat again (even tho i settled down and was comfy) just so my brother would stop complaining. i'm now 19 but cry a little when i see young girls being happy and playing around. smth i forgot to mention abt, they always expected good grades from me and bad grades would get me through insults and trouble. (in where i'm from 12th grade is very important and it basicaly tells you which university you end up in and you should work for it and learn the foundation from middle or high school) both times my parents willingly took me out of a good school and put me in a terrible school with horrible teachers just so they could save a few bucks in transportation and when i constantly did bad at school (my grades were around 70-80) they screamed at me and blamed everything on my phone and my computer then when 12th grade came around and i still did bad, they then realized what they have done but ofc they still blamed it on me but made sure to hunt down good school for my brother so he won't go through the same path as i. it still breaks my heart knowing my parents let my future go to waste just like that and blame it all on me while they are encouraging and supporting my younger brother and making sure he won't have the same path as i. feels like i was just an experiment.

[@ax_t874]

What you face is really hard. But you still there. Thats means you can keep going. You are strong, you are old enough to know what is good for you. Take your time to enjoy life ( sad that you have to start it now ) because you DESERVE IT. Even if your parents are not ok w that, telle them that its your life. You should also tell them how it was difficult for you maybe they will understand and apologize themselves. But if they not, remember that someone loves you and keep watching at you everytime : Jesus ❤ I hope it will help you 😊

[@user-oj5bw7sl8p]

Poor girl! Just leave your egoistic, selfish family asap, and never come back to them. Change the phone number, so they would not manage to spoil your life again. Find a good job, rent a good flat, and enjoy the life.

[@minarose8723]

Oh, where I’m from it’s the same case for me as well. Grade 12 is a curse in this stupid country.. I failed three years in a row due to depression and now I’m facing my fourth exams in less than a week. Hoping the best for both of us !

[@sassneversleeps]

I wonder if your mum and grandma have OCD? That is quite a high standard of cleanliness. Sounds like something my mum (who has OCD) would say. Maybe they need help (though theyre probably in denial).

[@Maderlololohio]

That sounds infuriating. Perhaps invest in yourself and do smth for yourself. So sorry to hear about this. On the other hand I did not learn all the things you did and it made marriage work school and housework a hell. So realize that whatever you do for yourself you can excel because of the skills and strengths you cultivated xoxo

[@cassandraknight8804]

As an eldest daughter of a very difficult family…..Thank you.

[@missshopping2274]

Womanly Wisdoms by Tor G might be a good book to read to help you.

[@arkapravade7234]

My gf is an elder daughter, she starts acting like a mom out of habit💀.

[@astraswishbook]

i’m sorry if this question is out of line, but does that ever make you feel annoyed or turned off? i’m the oldest daughter and child as well, and i worry that by caring for the people around me the way a mother would, i might scare them away. thank you!

[@arkapravade7234]

@@astraswishbook Acting like a mom might be a turnoff at times when it is done out of place. The bigger issue I am personally facing is that my gf's motherly behaviour has turned into people pleasing tendencies.

[@astraswishbook]

@@arkapravade7234 Thank you for that. I tend to fall into that every once in a while, too. I suppose it stems from the childhood! For me, it comes out of insecurity with not being seen as “worthy,” I guess, so I try to do things that will make me more liked even if I don’t really feel like it. Maybe it’s the same for your girlfriend?

[@michaeltrinh4394]

Do you call.her mommy? 😏😏😏😏

[@arkapravade7234]

@@astraswishbook yeah. It's the same for her. Her mother and brother keeps manipulating her and she tries to get their appreciation and validation, it's just weird to watch. She lost her best friend a few years back and wants to please her new friends so that they don't leave her too.

[@FiggyG11]

As an autistic first daughter, everything just hits way harder. I've never had the ability to see a job that needs to be done, and can't really see if people need help unless they deliberatley order me to help and how to help. I've never been a good caregiver and 100% am not a good role model in the slightest, meaning that whenever I barely messed up I'd be berated for setting a bad example

[@_carbonarawhore]

omg thisss me too 😭 the guilt and shame you get from this is CRAZY

[@almirasl9937]

hey fellow autistic first daughter, thanks for describing the struggles that I couldn't put it myself nor communicate it with anyone. It is indeed very hard for us 😢

[@chernagast6754]

I feel this. I would get screamed into a corner by my parents because I had no idea what to do but I was expected to be a third parent to 3 younger siblings.

[@Lily_of_the_Forest]

How is your relationship with your parents now?

[@DL-idk]

Oh...I don't know if I'm autistic but that sounds exactly like me. I'm always wondering how other people can spot so easily the jobs that need to be done while I would just be standing there feeling like an idiot.

[@victoriag6087]

I am an eldest daughter of seven children. I became the third parent at age 10/11 when my parent’s marriage got worse and my mother’s became even more emotionally, mentally, and then somewhat physically detached from my siblings and I as she struggled with postpartum depression (and years of trauma from her own parents that she had never dealt with), and my dad worked a lot. We were also “homeschooled” so I almost never got a break from being the third parent. Even with all my help, my mother has never thanked me. I have been on my own for years now and I am doing well for myself. She envies me in many ways now. All I ever wanted was a mom who loved me and to enjoy my childhood. My partner has shown me true love. He is my peace in this world.

[@PreciousReynDelaTorre]

I am so happy for you ❤❤❤🎉🎉🎉🎉

[@mariatheyoutuber]

Im happy for you take care of yourself

[@gohawks3571]

I hear you. My mom never, ever said thank you/I love you (actually, not sure she said thank you) unless she said "But" immediately after. Every. Single. Time. And now she acts like she knows me so well and she sends me birthday cards that are all elaborate about loving me, and I just don't believe it. She doesn't even know me to love me! I wasn't allowed to be myself. I think she's trying now, but her depression makes it impossible to express to her how bad my childhood was (multiple abuses from multiple people). Someday she will die and God will show her. I am so happy that you have a great partner❤️❤️❤️!

[@2CheekyRabbits]

I am happy you found peace but caution you to examine the wisdom of placing such a precious thing in the hands of another. They are only human. They can go at any time. What would you do then? True peace comes from within, and I really hope you develop that 🙏. It’s the o my way to “stand unshaken against the crash of breaking worlds.” -Paramahansa Yogananda

[@KnightGeneral]

To any eldest daughter out there. If you have a narcissistic family like mine. GET OUT OF THERE AND LIVE NOW FOR YOURSELF. STOP BEING EVERYONE'S HELPER. YOUR FAMILY WILL NEVER CHANGE, THEY ARE ALL NARCISSISTIC AFTERALL. HELP YOURSELF FIRST. LIVE YOUR LIFE NOW.

[@Stangirlgroups-e6h]

THISSS facts ✨ I hope every girl understand this

[@hemskembo2722]

I tried to speak about that at my family and now they think Im ungrateful , and always leave with my brothers and sister, and leave me alone, and I feel guilty because I just wanted to be understand not to be separated of my family , they ignore me and its Hurt 😥

[@Stangirlgroups-e6h]

@@hemskembo2722 I am so sorry what is happening to you I hope you soon become independent and be own your own

[@sugaDumplings]

I literally have tears in my eyes reading this. Grew up in a toxic family, narc parents, fighting like they would kill each other, pathetic childhood, physically assaulted by my own uncle for years coz parents were never around for their child, had a ex who was equally toxic.. depression n anxiety attacks, low self esteem, Even after being a brilliant student at school with so many other talents, i have zero confidence. the trauma i carry is unbearable... i felt like everything is just bullshit. no point of this existence.. Problem is m so emotionally attached with them that i cant live without them but cant live with them as well.. despite all these was always there for my younger brother tried to protect him but he is broken as well.. now he just wants to leave n go far away.. doesn't even give damn about me. what a total waste of this life.

[@Stangirlgroups-e6h]

@@sugaDumplings I am so sorry this is happening to you but this life is not wasteful even if nothing is going well there is still always a little hope. Whoever you are I hope you get the peace and love you want. Are you still living with your parents? I hope so not won't it be better to live alone?

[@maxicange]

Sometimes you don’t even have to be the eldest daughter, you could just be the only daughter 🙄 Thank you for making this video especially for someone like me who has an older brother by 8 years but because I’m the only girl I had to be the one to help cook, clean etc. ❤

[@sunnyinlalaland]

Imagine being the eldest and the only daughter with 3 brothers, and the youngest is 11 yrs younger than you 😃

[@Stangirlgroups-e6h]

Bro don't cook or clean if u don't want to why can't you just say no to your parents this is not acceptable you are a fucking daughter not a maid. Seriously all boys do is hangout and they have the audacity to degrade a woman. Please girls don't accept this treatment by your families this is discrimination which is absolutely UNACCEPTABLE 🙏🏻

[@trishacee]

I'm the eldest with three brothers and the youngest being seven years younger than me... When my friends talk about their best food, I can't relate... I would just pick the easiest to cook...

[@Stangirlgroups-e6h]

@@maxicange bro do men don't have hands what does it have to do being a girl seriously 😭 that is discrimination

[@maxicange]

@@Stangirlgroups-e6h It’s clear to me that you did not watch the video long enough to understand. In no shape or form did I attack men nor discriminate against them. I am talking about how girls are parentified at very young age; expected to take on adult responsibilities and behaviors before they even become a teenager. Examples of this are cooking, cleaning, bathing younger siblings in the morning before school and helping them get dressed, picking up younger siblings after school, sometimes even making dinner for younger siblings. This happens when PARENTS either don’t have time or don’t bother to make time to be present for their children either because of work or negligence. I grew up in a religious Caribbean household and this is my childhood experience which is something a lot of people can relate to not all but a lot.

[@hinataaaa-s4l]

I am also the oldest daughter who's also the middle child. I was always neglected and people thought I was too mature and understanding. So every time I got hurt or shared my feelings with them they just used it as an excuse which of course didn't make me feel any better. I'm only 17 now and I still have to see my younger sister and older brother get everything they want. Everything I cried or got mad because of how they treated me, my mom just laughed on my face and said I was being too emotional that I was mature so I needed to compromise. She also did all the shit talk about me to her sister . I never felt loved or cared for. I was always the black sheep. I tried my best to prove myself that I was worth being loved. But guess I just tried out to be the most matured and understanding who would compromise all the time

[@bea.122]

você tem valor e você é amada, especialmente por Jesus 💞💐

[@hinataaaa-s4l]

@@bea.122 I'm a Muslim but thanks. Means a lot ❤️❤️

[@Maderlololohio]

​@@hinataaaa-s4lif you r Muslim then you know Jesus is Prophet Isa. I hope and pray for you to cherish love and protect yourself and be happy no matter what. Big hugs!

[@missshopping2274]

I think you need a plan of escape.

[@mckennalynn1916]

I definitely have experienced this. It just takes a balance as you get older. It's okay to say no, it's okay to ask for help or accept help, and it's also okay to help others, but not at your own expense.

[@ithseem]

I am the oldest of three sisters. Sometimes I wish I had it worse since no one would take me seriously when I open up about my traumas as the oldest daughter in an immigrant family. My parents did do what they could to raise me and my two sisters, and I am very grateful for that, but at the same time I wish they put in less effort so I could feel validated. Even if I was the first of the three of us sisters to go through the trenches with little to no support from adults (and sometimes bullied by them), save for like a handful of teachers, and that was after I masked my weirdness, became a people pleaser at six, and basically grew up faster than most of the student body in my primary school. My parents do give me and my sisters what we need when they can, and I feel like that negates everything I feel. They often talk about the sacrifices they made to raise us and in comparison, I just feel like Sisyphus pushing the rock only for it to come tumbling back down. I put in a lot of work to meet all the expectations put on me, but I always fall short in one way or another.

[@Maderlololohio]

Tell yourself it's good enough. Living a happy satisfied life is enough. We can't all win all the time and being too hard on ourselves is so unhealthy and damaging to our self esteem. Be gentle on yourself xoxo

[@Jungkooks_managerr]

Girl..it feels like you told my story

[@justice4emilyandnatalia]

My parents complain about how independent I am. No one in my house recognizes when I do anything because I’m not loud about it like my sister (she has a list on our fridge of all the chores she’s done and how much money my parents owe her for it). My family strongly believes I am not responsible, and that my sister is more responsible, even though she is an insanely dependent person. She only looks responsible because I can be very forgetful. I usually make food for me and my siblings when my parents are working in the summer. This usually includes walking to the store by myself to get ingredients and hauling it back up this giant hill. My family still thinks I’m lazy, plus they think I always get what I want (that’s due to the fact that I rarely ask for things). I don’t know, sometimes I don’t mind not being recognized for my work, but whenever I complain my parents make a big deal about how I’m not Cinderella, I’m not slaving day in day out, but still some recognition would be nice. All I get right now is condescension. Not to mention that outside of my house I will take care of my friends (buying them food n stuff), but then they still view me as a mean person. Most people I know think I’m mean, which is in large part due to my rbf and the kind of jokes I make, but like if anyone told me it actually hurt their feelings, I would immediately stop. Sorry I’m a yapper ✊ 😭

[@Hermionee-Jean-Granger]

just a comment regarding the last bit, I don't know what kind of jokes you make, but please don't make jokes about people or smth they care about or a sensitive topic in general, many wouldn't feel like telling you straight up that they're hurt to avoid confrontation or making it seem like a big deal or you and others thinking that they're being dramatic which just leads to people silently resenting you and not wanting to associate with you deeply or at all So it's better to not make jokes that are edgy or personal or targetting, even if you feel like you wouldn't mind anyone making a joke of that sort about you, it doesn't mean others wouldn't about themselves either Such jokes made by peers often chip away at people's mental health and wellbeing, remember a good joke is supposed to be smth everyone can laugh at without someone being singled out or talked bad about, or mocked regarding anything concerning them

[@justice4emilyandnatalia]

@@Hermionee-Jean-Granger I understand what you mean, and I guess I probably should’ve clarified what kind of jokes I make, but they’re really not edgy. I completely avoid making jokes on sensitive topics like suicide, eating disorders, or something my friends could be insecure about. I mostly make “mean” jokes if my friend said something that’s like a little stupid. Like one time my friend asked me what optimism and pessimism is and I found it kind of funny since most ppl know what it is. I did explain to her, and then made a joke abt it, she was laughing too tho so I’m guessing she’s not insecure about it. I also make jokes when someone says smth not rlly grammatically correct, or just said a weird sentence. I know these jokes are sometimes annoying to people, but I find them pretty harmless since I’ll also make similar jokes about me. I once had a friend get mad at me for jokes like this, and we did talk about it. I only assumed they were fine with her because she made the same kind of jokes too, and it would be hypocritical of her to get upset about it. We talked about it and made sure she knew I was joking and if they ever bothered her again that she could tell me and I’d shut up. For the most part I don’t say these jokes a lot, it’s just randomly, but I guess they’re the only thing ppl tend to notice. I find them kind of harmless and stupid, but again I don’t really know much. Edit: I will say that these jokes are like banter, and my friends will make a joke back and it’s all fun and games.

[@Maderlololohio]

Do as your sis and also write down what you did. Remind them that you don't ask for stuff. And maybe start making and updating your wishlist so they know what you want. You and your sis sound like my two oldest sons. Now me and my second son make efforts to remember the oldest and get him stuff as well. He doesn't come out very often. So basically learn from the assertiveness of your lil sis. Use it to your advantage. I am happy to hear you have friends. But maybe get them less stuff and work on your humour by watching more comedy or stand up on KZbin. Our jokes can be honed and improved. Unfortunately yeah we as people have blind spots and can be hypocritical. Perhaps accept that some r simply that. They won't constantly call you out just expand your range of jokes. Sorry to say but your friend wants to be the only one who cracks jokes. She doesn't appreciate it when you do. So I hope you can find a way around that. Perhaps by gently pointing out when she cracks a joke that she would get upset w you for if you cracked it: would you be angry w me if I made this joke? Be honest now. All the best. Sadly I have lost the capacity for building friendships so I find it admirable and healthy what you do!

[@jadetea6112]

(Sorry, I'm also chatty) These people don't get it. You're not mean, you're critical of your friend's choices because you are expected to be perfect in every aspect. This especially includes speech. If you chime in, your natural response is to probably "tone it down" or take it literally and take it as teaching moment. When I grew up, if I talked a certain way, I got ridiculed or slapped by my parents. Kids have certain type of developmental pattern when it comes to socializing. When you make "average kid jokes" at home, you're probably snubbed or told to "be mature", when your friend's aren't held to that standard. It's kind of alienating to be around others that don't understand where you come from. And gurl, writing it down doesn't help if you do it all of a sudden. They'll think you're being petty or "selfish" for wanted to be noticed for your efforts. If you're having memory issues, it's likely a trauma response. My brain is swiss cheese now because I need so much extra "processing" power to formulate my words because I wasn't allowed to say anything in my house growing up. I am not neurodivergent, as I exceeded cognitive functioning testing for the criteria. But damn, the anxiety I have from microtraumas sure do make me feel like there's something physically wrong with me.

[@missshopping2274]

Babe, honestly when can you move out?

[@mochar2027]

I'm the eldest daughter and only child. I'm now in my late 40s and I'm the caretaker for my elderly parents. Beyond exhausting is an understatement 💀 I definitely relate to this video.

[@anonview]

My parents weren't so extreme with this, but I did have to cook rice (in an actual pot) at age twelve. Had to keep my grades above average in school and to be the most well-behaved around adults too. I did often have the role of peacemaker for my parents, as well as the secret keeper and voice of reason in our friend group. It was emotionally stressful at some points. The positive thing about all this is that, I developed the ability to learn and adapt quickly.

[@LaundryFaerie]

I'm the oldest of six kids. I could do dishes by age 4, was babysitting my younger siblings by age 7, other families' kids by age 10... and then when I turned 12, my father died. Mom went back to work to support the family and we all had to take up the slack, so by my early teens I could also do laundry, cook dinner for seven people, and clean other people's houses for money. I lived in fear that my mother would die too and I would be the only one holding the family together.

[@thepanda9782]

I was 6 years old when my mother had my little brother. At that age, she would tell me to do things like change his diaper, make us food (on the stovetop), watch him, etc. Unfortunately, as I got older it only intensified. I would be screamed at for not cleaning the house immediately after school, even though I was taking AP classes. I wasn't allowed to hang out with friends, to the point I had to sneak out of the house and moved out multiple times at the age of 16-18 to have any freedom whatsoever. My textbooks and hobbies would get thrown in the garbage, and at the same time, my mom would question why I was falling behind in school. At 18 I was working about 12-14 hour days to support myself. I felt so alone & worthless from the way my family treated me that I tried to end my life. After being hospitalized I pursued a toxic relationship for 3 years since I didn't feel I had any purpose or worth to deserve anything better, and I felt extremely lonely. The worst part? Whenever I tried to talk about these things to another adult, I got told I must be exaggerating. Nobody believed I was being neglected or abused. I wasn't being hit, molested, or starved to the point of being malnourished... so I was fine. Clearly. I am 25 now. I'm studying to go into a very demanding job field, I'm a great cook, good at cleaning (and honestly get a little fixated about it sometimes), and STILL get told I'm mature for my age by professors, friends, and my partner. I've unlearned perfectionism, and dealing with all the other things that come with abusive and neglectful family structures. I feel more free ~ I'm not no contact with my family, but I've only accepted contact on MY TERMS. What does my brother do? Nothing. He can barely wipe his own ass (I'm serious). Although I feel I have definitely gone through more pain & suffering to this point, It's not just damaging for us. In the long run, I will be ok. He will not. He has been robbed of a future because everything has been handed to him or done for him. He has no skills, just a weird codependent relationship with my mother. In some ways I feel bad for him. In other ways I am intensely angry and jealous. Sometimes I wonder why she couldn't love me the way she loves him. Why was I burdened with all this crap? She has said things to me like "you saved my life" (teen mom), and I can't help but think that what she really meant was giving her a target to unleash her anger upon, a doll to dress up, free labor to allow her bad choices, a therapist, trophy, pet. But not me. She didn't actually love ME. Just what I did for her, how I could make her feel good, and how she could live vicariously through my achievements.

[@Kaylee-zw9lo]

im so sorry you had to go through that

[@princessak21]

She sounds like a narcissistic that’s the kind of things they make their kids do and go through

[@moosen_pheffer]

I never knew I could put this feeling into words . . .

[@lyrrajesse8620]

As the eldest daughter, I got the exact opposite of this, let me explain. I only have one sibling, and he is my little brother. Growing up I was always very jealous of him because no matter how hard I he would always get the reward for it. Infact, my parents even somehow managed to skip him a grade even though he was always rambling to my parents about how he didn't care about school, meanwhile I worked so hard to get good grades and didn't get anything for it. It rly did feel like they just didn't want me to help them. No matter how hard I tried to.

[@whyamihere9002]

Based on my personal experiences as an eldest daughter, i can say that I’m more to an experiment. They make mistakes with me they fixed the mistake with my sister . In other words, she is much more ‘perfect’ than me. She doesn’t do all thode dumb mistakes and live her life happily while I carry that burden of guilt. Regardless, i love my family very deeply and willing to take a bullet for them. I understand that im my parents first experience so they WILL make mistakes and im glad they learn it from me and didn’t let my sister take on the same root. I often give her advice from my mistakes and experiences too

[@estherhinds6314]

Oh man I related to this. When I was 16 and 17 we were going through some family difficulties that resulted in me having a ton of extra responsibility, and not being able to leave my younger siblings in a room by themselves even for a few minutes (I have four younger siblings). We were also homeschooled and both my parents worked at this time. So I didn't spend a lot of time with friends and whenever I did I felt SUPER guilty about it, really selfish. I would usually do extra chores before I left to hang out to feel more deserving of it. That wasn't exactly because of my parents expectations, but my own. During this time thinking about "what would Cinderella do? How would she behave?" helped a lot so it's funny that you mentioned her! But honestly, what was far worse is when this period was over, the children were older and more independent and needed me less and I was working a lot and couldn't spend much time on housework and dinners, and I felt so useless. It was horrible not knowing what my place was anymore. But eventually I learned to be ok with my new place, an individual and "the cool grown up sister" lol. And it's so much healthier and I get to be my family's cheerleader

[@247eboniedear7]

As the eldest daughter who has had depression and has been m0l3sted it's honestly so sad realising that everyone knows how to chill and have fun except me because I grew up the second my little sisters were born.

[@melchiorsmokes]

same, good luck healing tho

[@Onewarner]

I am blamed for everything wrong which happens within the household as the eldest daughter.

[@samarasilva6313]

when I was little (4 to 11 years old), I was expected to be the perfect student with perfect notes and perfect in everything (to the point everytime I made a drawing for my mom, if she didn't like it she would throw it away or just change it..I only 4 years old..).. My mom told me I needed to be a medic and I started to say I wanted to be a medic, My mom told me that I can't have friends and I spent almost all my childhood alone and I can't make friends now cuz I don't know what to do or how to behave.. I remember crying and telling her that I couldn't be as perfect as she expected but she always ignored it.. Nowadays, she regets all of it (but still scold me for not being able to hold a conversation for so long and not having social skills xd) but since I'm homeschooling I'm being expect to do the chores by myself and still being a good student lol

[@PreciousReynDelaTorre]

I wish all the best for you and hope that you get a much better life in the future❤❤❤❤

[@samarasilva6313]

@@PreciousReynDelaTorre Thank you so much for thaking the time to read all of it 💕

[@PreciousReynDelaTorre]

@@samarasilva6313 Your welcome♥️🥰🥰🥰♥️♥️

[@ThandiweMorakabi-mp9hp]

Thank you for sharing this. I've been the family's caretaker for years. Now that I want to live my life, it's like I'm committing a crime. I sometimes feel unappreciated and these days, I feel like cutting ties with my family. Thank you for your advice.

[@ShaiLai]

The worst for me is that I'm the second daughter but ever since my sister moved out I had to take her place as the 3rd parent and wasn't even given a choice. I can't wait until I move out too so I can get out of this Edit: also spot on on Cinderella 😂 Edit: FYI, my parents are making me take care of them, my brother and my uncle. I'm always cooking and cleaning and doing the most while everyone else just chills. I don't have enough time to study and do hw because I need to be a housewife. Om top of that my parents (mostly my dad's wife) physically abuse me. My sister didn't get this treatment. She was in the kitchen whenever she wanted to, she cleaned on her own schedule and she was responsible of no one. Before you open your damn mouth to give strangers a lesson at least make sure you know the whole story. Now leave me alone yall are aggravating

[@spacebar9733]

She wasn’t given a choice either. but I understand what you mean.

[@ShaiLai]

@spacebar9733 didn't she say she felt like helping so it's what she chose to do? I never saw myself as a caregiver I was just forced to be

[@yadiaag7771]

Your sister endured more. I wish you the best ❤ as an older sister I would hate if I had a younger sister to be the one to replace me as well. It’s not fair, it’s the parents job, why don’t the boys ever get the same treatment.

[@ShaiLai]

@yadiaag7771 if you don't know what you're talking about it's best for you to keep your mouth shut. I don't appreciate you invalidating my experience. Have a day you deserve

[@herooftwilight5534]

@@yadiaag7771That’s a pretty ignorant thing to say, considering you are making the assumption that every single eldest daughter in the world has it harder than her other siblings. This may be true in many cases, but it is not always the case at all.

[@loverrlee]

Thank you for this video. I’m glad you don’t have people actively asking you to overextend yourself and if they do ask for a favor, they respect when you say “no.” I unfortunately have known too many people who did get mad at me that I didn’t overextend myself… and it feels like I have nobody I can ask favors from. I am not only an eldest daughter, but I am a victim of childhood abuse. I am estranged from both my parents because they do *not* care about me, and have emotionally and physically abandoned me the second I turned 18 (my father abandoned me earlier than that). My mother parentified me and actively told me I was responsible for my two younger sisters, one being only 1 year younger than myself (which I now know was a lie, *she* was the one responsible for them). And even my own youngest sister still acts entitled to my care even when she doesn’t show she cares about me and gets mad at me when I try to express my own feelings, needs in the relationship, or set a boundary. I do have people who are actively being abusive to me in my life and I don’t know how to tell them “no” without fearing their abusive retaliation. :’c

[@PreciousReynDelaTorre]

I'm so sorry for all you've gone and continue to go through and sincerely wish you the best in your life and hope that you can survive whatever you're dealing with and have a better future for yourself with people who truly care and love you❤❤❤

[@fujitech84a]

Thanks a lot. Someone gave the eldest daughter some credit. ❤😊🎉

[@avionpiscean33]

Not only was I the eldest daughter, I was also the only daughter, (on a bit of a technicality due to my family's messy layout.) I was also the first born to a teen mom who was physically and emotionally abusive to me while making me responsible for my younger brothers. On top of that, I was simultaneously infantalized for having a disability, and experienced an immense amount of racism from my mother as I'm biracial while she's white as paste, calling me some rather obscure slurs that I'd rather not repeat. This gave me quite a deep identity crisis, and made me have to fight to even have any autonomy. I'm now no contact with my family, living in another state, trying to get to know the real me. I still find myself needing external validation for things, however, I do intend to do better by my own future children. I spend a lot of time watching videos about gentle/authoritative/responsive parenting, because I want to give my children the best life they can.

[@lynndowning7446]

I believe the EDS (combined with a narcissistic mother) has made me stronger than most/many people. I know I can handle anything that life throws at me. And I have. My son calls me a tough old bird, and I'll take that, I've earned it.

[@alma_1906]

In hispanic households you're the second mom and housewife. You take care of everything so mom can rest, and if there's a big age gap between you and your siblings you get mistaken as the mom

[@iheartsvt8412]

sometimes i feel like i can relate to the eldest daughter syndrome, but lots of the times i don’t feel like i can because i was an only child for 9 years and idk how to explain it cuz whenever ppl talk about the eldest daughter syndrome i feel like i can never relate cus i was never given or gave myself lots of responsibilities, however i do relate to the hyper independence part, maybe it’s cuz i naturally never showed affection, asked for help, etc growing up (or maybe it’s cus i was very shy growing up lol) and as ive gotten older i can feel myself healing from hyper independence because i do ask for help more often, let people do things for me, etc :) 😊

[@Sarah.R.Rabbit]

"One of the main reasons that you become hyper independent is because when you assume the role of being the caregiver as you're growing up, it felts like it was a result of your parents/teachers not being competent enough to carry that responsibility. And therefore, growing up, you learn to not trust anyone but yourself. Its not easy allowing others to help because it involves being able to truste them. Or maybe you'll feel indebted to them wich makes you uncomfortable. Or you feel its an attack to your own capabilities."

[@nikkiarora11]

I am the 2nd kid. Unfortunately, i had to play this role. Parent to a parent. Elder sister to a elder sister. Anyways now i am healing the damage done to my inner child.

[@AtarahDerek]

I think for me, having undiagnosed ADHD sometimes mitigated the risks or effects of eldest daughter syndrome. And other times it exacerbated them. Ah, the mixed blessings of neurodivergence. I understood from a young age that I was my parents' guinea pig, so I always had more grace on them when they made mistakes raising me. I had less grace for the mistakes they made in raising my brother, because I could not understand why we couldn't get along, and blamed my parents in part for why he was so difficult. He had undiagnosed PTSD from a medical problem when he was a toddler, and that had morphed into bipolar disorder, which wasn't diagnosed until he was a teenager. It was after his diagnoses that our relationship drastically improved, and I realized that because of those medical and mental health challenges, which my parents didn't face with me (even with my undiagnosed ADHD), and the fact that my brother was their first boy, he was really just as much a guinea pig as I was. That really put things in perspective for me.

[@GiftsAmimalsGiveUs]

I'm the youngest but was treated as the eldest daughter. My parents were extremely abusive. Most of my siblings didn't stay home often. My sister two years older than me had a lot of medical health issues, and I was the one to take care of her. I would go and buy the groceries. Take care of animals or take out the garbage. I took care of so many people. When people ask if I want kids I just feel nothing but exhausted thinking about it. The minute I started having boundaries my sister and brother got upset and kinda shut me out of their life. I'm sad about that but still will not let that stop me from healing and living a better life.

[@elainad6728]

0:01 I'm the eldest daugter and the middle child 😢😭

[@LemonPleh]

HOW?

[@yeoniedollie]

@@LemonPlehmeans there is an older brother who is the eldest kid

[@NicoleHartman-p4h]

saammmee!! I feel you 🥲

[@456tyso]

same lmaoo

[@charmaine7178]

Same

[@Lexxulv]

The biggest thing for me as the oldest daughter was allowing AND asking for help. It’s also soo important for us with this syndrome to have partners that see us and don’t us our ways against us. My partner sees how I am with being the oldest daughter and feeling like I have to take care of EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING and he tries his best to make sure I’m calm and taken care of, but I had to open the floor for him to be able to be and do that for me.

[@ARuletheworld]

Here to try understand my older sister and tried to make her felt loved :3

[@SunaStarr]

I’m the oldest child. I’m afab, but still perceived as the “oldest daughter”. And I’ve had all the expectations upon me. At an early age I knew I couldn’t ever be great on what my parents wanted me to be. I wasn’t the role model my parents wanted me to be. The pressure from them gave me the lack of confidence and tons of negative fears. The fears interfere my social interactions, relationships with others, and mostly myself. Even then, I try to bottle my emotions. Till the emotions get too overwhelming and bawl my eyes out. Not out of sadness, but of frustration.

[@AanchalPathak01]

I am the eldest daughter in my family and I lived with my grandmother with my younger sibling....this episode is so relatable to me .....I really felt like I have so much responsibility and I had to prove myself that I am a good daughter.....its really toxic and didn't know how to love myself cause I feel it's really selfish ....Thank you for this episode...I will try to know myself from now onwards ❤

[@Weissily]

1:12 That actually teared me up, I needed to hear that so much.

[@sapphireliptontea]

im in tears... THANK YOU SO MUCH❤ i'll come back and watch it 100 times more

[@debbieken5639]

As a first daughter and first child of my parents, I can relate to this. And watching this made me cry. 😢😢😢 I wish things were better and that I can finally find healing. 😊😊😊

[@Pinkd1va]

I just discovered your channel 2 hours ago and I literally watched EVERY SINGLE VIDEO .Keep going baee 💋💋mwahhh

[@itgirlplaybook]

this is so sweet, thank you 🩷 muah

[@katim0201]

Where was this video when i needed it the most, but at the same time, i think i always knew the answer, i just didnt have it properly explained like you did

[@katim0201]

My friends always asked me why i kept refusing their help or never reach out. Why i never let my date pay for my meals, why i was so stubborn to do it myself. I didnt fully know why either, but this video helped me cement my theory that it was years of growing up as an eldest daughter that led to toxic behaviors

[@ccthefibro_freak97]

This is spot on, I completely relate!

[@carolinewolf565]

The oldest of 6 kids in an abusive home where I was threatened not to tell ur siblings would be taken away. Always a baby on my hip at age 10 yrs old for children I didn’t have. myself. So sad for all the years lost!

[@Pearltms3]

Oh baby girl, I hope you heal😢

[@carolinewolf565]

@@Pearltms3 Thank you for the kind words! Many moons ago, but it stays with you. Something I should be over by now.

[@Booyakasha787]

Even though i'm the eldest daughter i'm not the eldest child and because of that i never felt like i could or was even allowed to identify with 'eldest child syndrome' - because i wasn't; despite it describing me perfectly i didn't want to falsely diagnose or claim a label that didn't belong to me hearing you call it 'eldest daughter syndrome' is very validating and makes me feel seen thank you 💚

[@dinah.888]

This video is calling me out even though I’m the middle child, this one struck a cord. Thank you ❤️(I have an older brother and younger sister)

[@arelyecheverria3415]

My mom over explodes me with housework and being responsible for the mess of my siblings, it is so hard to be the eldest fr

[@Slasla1610]

One of the worst things happen to the 1st daughter is when your evil parents show favourism to your younger son, showing anger for what anyone did to your elder daughter cause daughter won't speak back, even though you do all the work and take care of them, take every parent frights as yours and stand for the right thing, taking care of your brother but still he is will be a mama boy, always buy things what your son ask but restricting your daughter, allow him to go anywhere but chain your daughter all the time in home. I am not living my life, it feels so tiring and feels like i lived for 60 years.

[@mahyaparsaeii]

Thanks for this video🙏 i really needed to hear this🌟☄❤

[@MrRatMommy]

thanks for putting me down constantly forever and never acknowledging my achievements. this made me a powerful person and a person with good loving value who i am very proud of. i have learned to include the ones who go through pain. i guess thats my main own pain that never anyone did this, so i guess thats why this skill was among top priorities.

[@sewarkilani358]

I am not crying , you are 😢

[@laylah150]

❤ different perspective: I'm the eldest daughter who experienced parentification (cos my single mum was a poor immigrant) but I think my experience of taking responsibility early on has made me a better person for it. I was almost a decade ahead of a lot of only-child friends. I'm in my late 20s and my siblings are teens now, reflecting I can see I was able to multitask, time orientated and wasn't shy about speaking my mind or taking the lead ahead of everyone else. Not to mention social skills that I think had a lot to do with me being the eldest daughter. Because a lot of the social skills younger autistic people struggle with, I never had an issue. There are a lot of negatives to parentification but it's not all bad. It was circumstances outside of my mother's control - we were poor and our family lived in another country, there was no choice of hiring nannies or cleaners etc. I am glad to have made childhood sacrifices and I wouldn't swap places with my younger siblings (who objectively had an easier childhood).

[@Dee8Bee]

my personal opinion is that if you can't care for your kids, because you are busy with work. You shouldn't have kids. Of course sometimes 1 parent can die and suddenly this change.

[@glowupgirliee]

MOTHER POSTED AT THE RIGHT TIME 🙌🙌🙌

[@dollyxavieraambrose4864]

Thanks for this, guilty as charged... You never know until someone says

[@Manikarnika_.]

My case is an exception, My elder brother is childish and immatured whereas I am the matured and responsible person here. Actually even my parents are childish and immature to some extent.

[@annickwainy]

Me too! I'm the middle sister who always had to take care of my younger and older brother, and take care of the house because I'm a girl. Last year was the worst of all I practically had to assume all the responsibilities of the house and the care of my brothers. I moved to college and I live with my grandmother now, and my mother kind of suffers the consequences of not being firmer with them now.

[@liumo_quack]

I wonder if any girls as only child also feel called out with this video. I don't have siblings so of course there'll be less job like those need to take care of their siblings, but that just means more households are MEANT to fall on me because I'm the only child my parents can make commands to. I still remember when I was child, every birthday I never dared to ask much for myself (part of it because my mom always complained about our finance even though we're definitely doing just fine), all I asked was that I didn't want to do chores and have a rest day on my birthday and still got denied because "the chores needs to be done", meanwhile my dad did nothing even though my mom is the main bread maker

[@mrunalravibharti]

Okay! First of all one big hug to you sister u got it in exact manner, also Kudos to your family who knows the real meaning of understanding n unconditional love :)

[@AprilToy-z2l]

Penny Proud is your favorite character as the eldest daughter

[@saylalisa5218]

As an eldest daughter i understand you❤️

[@angelinawilson75]

I'm the eldest daughter of five children, one being my full-blooded sibling and the other half-siblings. I love and cherish all equally, but because of my dad's dumb mistakes when I was growing up, it felt like I had to step in and take care of the household in more than just my home. I remember having to comfort my mom when my sister would act up or my dad would emotionally abuse us and other members of the family. My grandma (my dad's mom) never knew how to discipline my younger sisters, so I had to step in and help parent and take care of them when our moms weren't around. I couldn't meet my youngest siblings until I was 21, and seeing how they raised them brings me back to wishing I had the family they have today with their mom and dad. I never had stability, my mental and physical health was not advocated enough for me as a child, and I definitely did not have the right support for school when all my good grades were expected. Going to college was not an option, but an expectation. Now with my sister moved out, I've had to step up more than ever to take care of the household, and if it wasn't for my partner moving in I don't know how I would be able to cope. I feel lost, I've stopped going to school to focus on home and I feel stuck, like I'll never be able to live alone and will have to take care of my parents the rest of my life. I've tried to put my health first and focus on my well-being like trying to get out of the house, but at the end of the day when 5 different people are yelling my name, I feel like screaming and that nothing will change. I hope life gets better for all of us eldest daughters.

[@cidshayaleeshrews7460]

I'd like to say thank you so much for posting this video🙏🏼✨️ I'm the eldest sister and the eldest cousin on both sides of my family so naturally, afterschool and weekends, a lot of their care fell onto me. Growing up, it confused me greatly whenever my parents would say "you're the child, we're the parents, you must listen/do as we say" and they had rules that were none negotiable. If they said no it was no, wouldn't even try to argue cause then I'd be labelled a "disrespectful, backchatting, brat". But at the same time my parents treated me like a live in nanny for my three siblings, and, by their logic, why should i be shown appreciation for things I'm expected to do/be good at. By the time I was 8, I was waking them up for work and packing my baby sisters bags. At 14, I was juggling highschool, being a mother to my baby brother and kid sisters because I had to take care of my mother (who was overworked and not in the greatest health), my cousins on the weekends, be a mini housekeeper, and dealing with the brunt of fathers stress and temper. The only thing I never did was the cooking. Cause I burn rice😅 side note: my father learned to cook and use the washing machine that that year. By 16, my greatest fear was that one day my siblings would call me a "bad sister" but I didn't give a rats arse that my parents called me a disappointment. My father in particular never said thank you BUT if I did something wrong or forgot he'd never hesitate to reprimand or comment on what he saw as flaws or swear and call me ugly names or say I'm wasting his money, etc. My mother was less extreme. She'd usually, very calmly, say things like "we expected more from you" or "thought you were more mature/responsible than that" or "are you sure you tried hard enough?", etc. And this followed me into my school years, where I became the Mom Friend of my group. And my parents aren't even half as strict with my siblings as they were with me. And my siblings aren't scared of our parents, like I was, and sometimes still am. And that fact... fills me with too many emotions to list. But the really sad, unfair thing about all this is... BOTH my parents are also the eldest child. So whatever they put me through, they won't see any issue with because they went through the same (likely worse) with their own parents and younger siblings. Ps. I feel like I should just clarify that I don't hate or resent my parents. I want us to heal from the past, but that's going to require that they put in the effort as well. (felt really good to get some of that off my chest. Thank you, and good day further✨️)

[@simranrachel7929]

Saved me , so much was going on today , i really don't understand sometimes what is going on with me physically, emotional and mentally. Now i know, helped unwind and relax for bit.

[@hinnyu7748]

I am an only born :') and the first born among first degree cousins of both sides. I came to a point that it feels like someone is looking even though I am all alone that I cannot do anything "bad". Always knowing that almost all of our relatives compare their children to me.. my cousins think I am "the privileged one" and I can't come to them for problems because I got it all fine.. which is not really the case.. My father instilled in me that I can't be "weak".

[@trishacee]

I am the first born among first degree cousins, still in college, but thinking how I would help those ones, sometimes, you just need a break from people telling you what's right for you...

[@1Catpaccino]

I’ve been babied as an eldest daughter. To the point of not being able to go out with friends on my own as a teenager. Now that I’m an adult, I still feel like I need to ask permission or something just to go out with someone from work (and I do still live with my parents)

[@motivational.__-.at._TheBeest]

you are so correct. i ve felt this way before and almost lost myself in the way but now im prioritizing myself and feel myself glow and shine

[@Janika1123]

Thank you... I am the youngest sibling in the family but also the only girl, to my mother I am the third kid and to my father I am the only kid, my brothers were quite critised as I was growing up (there is a huge age gap between me and my brothers so we didn't grow up together) for ditching their responsibilities and having bad attitude.. so I was trying to prove my worth also in comparison to my brothers like - that I am better than them, that I can do better... now in my 20's I had some more serious conflicts with my parents so I am going LC with them for the reason, but basically, recovering and rediscovering myself brought me to the idea that my parents never hesitated to critise anyone who did something they judged them for means that I as well was always meant to be critised by them unless I would surrend my life completely to their likings and only did things they would set me for... I didn't manage to do that and I turned into not even wanting that, so in the end... I am not anxious anymore over getting their approval and love... 'cause their was conditional and that sucks...

[@PreciousReynDelaTorre]

Hoping all the best for you❤❤❤❤

[@baakanyimotlotlegi9640]

Thank you, needed this 🥺😩the struggle is so real😭😭

[@Owls1221]

No wonder why I was feeling some of these emotions when I grew up as the eldest dauhter of 5. No wonder I felt so lost about my identity and who I wanted to become. Although, my experience was a little different (idk if it's actually different). Now that I look back at it as an adult, I kinda get it now. I actually felt like I didn't want to babysit my little sisters all the time (until I realised I was actually raising them along with my mom). At first, I felt fine taking care of my first sister when she was born, but when 3 more came in, I genuinely felt like I didn't want to take care of kids anymore. That's when the difference in experience came in, I noticed throughout my life my mom kept taking away my things and drag me to babysit my sisters while she works in the kitchen, and whenever she left the house she would always tell me to take care of my sisters instead playing with my Nintendo DS or even reading a book (I'm a 2000s girl). My expression alone showed how I didn't want to do that as I felt like I was a kid, too. But apparently, mom wasn't the only one who lectured me. One time one of my mom's sisters saw how I didn't take care of my sisters when my mom left for errands, then she proceeded to tell my mom how I didn't watch over my sisters. Mom lectured me afterwards, and the fact she only spoke to me about these things instead of bringing my first sister into this (to help me lessen the workload) since she was at a similar age as me, but no, it has to be all on me. From that moment, I decided to listen to my mom not because "oh I wanna be like you mom!", but because I felt like nobody saw me as a little girl anymore. It's like I was expected to be responsible not just for helping my mom raise my sisters together, but also to do other responsible adult things (especially for women) like attending social gatherings and occasions (I'm talking about now) because I'm a woman now I'm expected by society to do these things. With all the points you mentioned, I felt like if I didn't do what the people say, then I'm a bad person and a bad daughter. So I never really felt like I was living my life like I wanted. I tried talking about it with my mom, but she didn't take it nicely, saying I hurt her feelings and that she was doing all of this for my own good. Even though I haven't yelled at her nor screamed nor even used bad words against her when I talked. Thus, at that moment, I felt like a bad daughter and stopped talking to people about how they treat me in fear I might hurt their feelings, and that makes me a bad person. But I still lived but with pain even to this day. There are other things that caused all of this other than being the first daughter, but still, I thought like sharing my experience and to let it out a bit since everyone here is going through similar experiences. It's good to see I'm not alone in this ❤

[@ally223]

I am nervous about having another child because I saw this happen to my own sister. My daughter is only two years old. It's hard to think about my baby growing up but I don't want her to grow up alone. Being a parent is difficult. It's hard to think about how we might be hurting our kids in ways we don't intend to.

[@ThankyouIllthinkaboutthat]

Okay, I cried. I'm healing. My parents support me now I'm gonna make it.

[@hannaha9060]

Just got another sub from ur Marilyn / alter ego video, you’re blowing up baby

[@milkbreadisnotmilkbreading]

As oldest daughter in asian family, I always thought I'm a thinker turn out it's anxiety

[@sadtimes_urgh]

the amount of tears i've cried js from watching this vid, made me realise how broken i am

[@bonjorno2553]

I'm the youngest sibling and the only daughter with 2 older brothers. I have the worse of both worlds (the caregiver, over mature and overindependent) and being told i have it all and easier when i didn't (now i self sabotage and habe impostor syndrome). Older brothers don't take that role

[@nharber9837]

I’m kind of an only child (my father has other children but I’ve never met them), and I ended up getting hit with this too. I am the oldest grandchild and have been the one to handle things as my grandparents have aged and started passing, and the other cousins as well as my mother’s siblings are still salty that I have equal standing with them in the wills. Well yeah, I’m the one going to doctor’s appointments, and hearing diagnoses, and making sure medication is taken, and that houses are taken care of and stoves are off, and dealing with funerals and caring for elderly people and having to hope I’m not going to find a body every time I enter a room, but knowing it will happen one day. I’m the one who has to make the calls and hear everyone’s grief while I’m dealing with my own and organize the funerals and deal with the police the government and carry the memories of the aftermath that I don’t share both for the dignity of the deceased as well as the psyche of the living. That’s heavy, no matter who you are. I’m not the golden child like they say, I’m just the one here to handle everything while everyone else is off living their lives and pretending it’s not coming. I don’t have that luxury. I’m not getting special treatment, I’m getting what I’ve earned and they appreciate me and what I do for the family even if my other family members don’t.

[@bubblegum145]

You explained me so well, but thanks to my parents I'm recovering from this syndrome I didn't know I had. I just thought it was one of those "teenage phases" cased by childhood experiences I always wished to have,or something like that.🤷🏽‍♀️ I'm subbing😌.

[@endigosun]

I love being “the caregiver”! ❤

[@Dementia-vw8lp]

as a second oldest I was forced to care for all of my siblings, my older sister leaving us to spend "me time" by herself daily, I won't go into the things that have happened in our house, but its been a rollercoaster

[@rampampamparamparam2288]

I'm an only child but this video explains everything to me, i hate high expectations for daughters

[@hldo00]

As the eldest of six, thank you so much for making this very relatable video! How is it called when you’re really good in fixing everyone’s else’s issues but not able to shoulder anything of yourself and fuck it all up? 😅

[@Vanika.2002]

This is the reason I'm childfree , I feel like I already accomplished motherhood and I don't want to experience it again now it's time to take care of myself 😢😢

[@Ldmm1983]

I am an oldest daughter, but I was a kid and loved taking care of my brother. Still one of my best friends along with both my parents. It’s not always bad to grow up with responsibility. I still have pursued my dreams and am living the life I wanted and am happier than a lot of younger siblings or only children

[@charlee_hotel]

I'm the oldest daughter on both sides of my family. I did have *A LOT* of responsibilities that were not primarily my responsibilities, but, at the end, I'm somewhat glad it all happened.

[@Audrey-k2h]

Youngest daughter and I was groomed to be the parent Both parents immature and selfish