Living Together for the First Time

We did not live together before marriage and we're sharing some things that would have helped ease the BIG change that comes with moving in together after the wedding! Don't miss 8:00 when Daniël shares a hilarious new translation of one of my favorite Scripture verses.

[@margiehalpern4573]

Great video. You make the big key points right at the beginning. I STILL have to remind myself: my husband, even after these years and years and years, has not picked up the magical ability to read my mind! So, either "use my words" or decide that it is really one of those "shrug, whatever" situations and move on. Communication, compromise, patience, not keeping score, honoring each other in little as well as big ways--all fantastic points.

[@emwilss]

Yes and amen! Thanks so much Margie :)

[@Rooshii]

This is such a great discussion. Something that helped us (we did not live together before we were married) was to really allow our newly married life to be focused just on us. This was made easier because of covid, but we had already agreed together that we would not take on any big extracurricular projects outside of work in the first year of marriage. So, no getting involved in big planning projects for church retreats or events, no matter how important they seemed. For the first year, focussing on our marriage was the main priority (and obviously still is). We wanted to be able to have evenings and weekends just together without any other massive stresses or involvements in other things. We also had a 'no screens in the bedroom rule" and we always, always, go to bed at the same time. This would be my biggest piece of advice: go to bed at the same time together. Wind down from the day together. Read together, chat together. Do not cultivate separate lives late into the evening in different rooms/online. We also came off social media from before our engagement (so we did not announce it online) and on into our married life. Many people thought I was crazy for not living with my now-husband before we were married. But it was the best thing we ever did. I got married when I was 29. I had left home when I was 16 and mainly lived alone. For me, the transition to living together on our wedding day was really straightforward and relatively easy. For the first time in years I felt safe at night, I ate so much better having someone to eat meals with, I put on weight, I slept better, I was in general much happier. It's hard to live alone before marriage, but it IS the right thing to do, and because I had not enjoyed living alone, it made the transition to married life together so much easier.

[@abbyolszewski3232]

So perfect timing for this video! I’m getting married tomorrow! Thank you for helping woman of the Catholic faith navigate life in the times we live in!

[@lauracooke3906]

I am in 8 months of being a newly wed and I really needed this!! Grace, grace, grace but also understanding and wisdom

[@jennyapon]

Perfect timing!!! I was just thinking about this this morning, I’m getting married end of July and moving across the country! Exciting but lots of newness, makes me realize things will never be the same because married life is different 🙃

[@emwilss]

YAY! How exciting!!

[@gracew708]

There is so much wisdom to be found in these open and honest conversations! Thank you for sharing this

[@greenhills6168]

My husband and I are part of Domestic Church ministry and monthly dialogue is one of the rules of our formation; such a blessing!

[@silvananasim1071]

I love how a lot of the advice you've shared also applies to how *anyone* can live with others in peace and love! I thought your advice applies really well to families with older children, 15yrs+ (communicating needs/expectations, cleaning up after themselves, giving each other alone time, etc.). Thank you for sharing your experience and peace!

[@emwilss]

That's a really great point!! Thank you!

[@reginamenard2068]

Amen!! My husband and I will be married two years at the end of this month and the points that you all made and the things you all learned in your first year are exactly what we learned and continue to learn. Thank you all for your openness and sharing of your wisdom!! 💖

[@emwilss]

I'm so glad you agree!

[@quadrupleheart]

I'm getting married in a month! Great timing 🥰

[@emwilss]

Oh awesome! May God give you peace in these last few weeks!

[@MrHollywood121]

Laying out expectations and having great communication is the biggest takeaway from this! Great Discussion! I appreciate Daniels insights and advice about marriage/family life/etc. Would love to see him start a channel of his own one day? We need more good men like him sharing the faith and insights especially in marriage and relationships. Thank you to both of you for your witness!

[@juliaricciardi8482]

Such a good video!!!! Keeping this in my library!!! Also sending this to a friend who’s wedding I was in ten days ago!!!! Hopefully they can use this!!! Thank you Emily and Daniel!!! I love your jokes, wisdoms and smiles!!!

[@emwilss]

Yay! Thank you!

[@juliaricciardi8482]

@@emwilss your welcome! Ans she responded with she already saw it and saved it!! Haha. She beat me!!

[@shady1234shady]

So great! Love hearing a couples insight! It is so reassuring to hear practical advice about marriage, as someone hoping to get married one day! Thank you Emily and Daniël! 😊

[@emwilss]

Glad it was helpful!

[@kathleenomalley5413]

So good!! Thank you for sharing truth!

[@emwilss]

Thanks for listening!!

[@elizabeth.cash.]

Such a great video! Love hearing from both of your perspectives! 🤍

[@emwilss]

Thanks so much!!

[@mariadle8715]

Loved it !! Thank you !!!

[@emwilss]

Glad you enjoyed it!

[@justinitsthatguyme010]

Even devout catholic couples are cohabitating. By the way, staying the night at each other's place even in separate rooms is still cohabitation. Not to mention it risks each other's purity, scandalizes each other's name, and is an insult to the specialness of marriage. The only time you should be sleeping in the same housing unit as him or her is in either an emergency or if you're staying at each other's parents.

[@justinitsthatguyme010]

So basically living together will be nothing new for couples these days

[@Hunter-ox6kh]

Thank you for sharing, I needed to hear this. Peace

[@adrianaaasalinas]

Yessss !!! Fiance and I are getting married in August and we set this as a clear rule - to never sleep under the same roof even if other people are over.. it's been challenged by our family members- last weekend we all went to visit him and for the sake of our commitment and rule, he got a hotel. Even if some didn't understand, we knew this to be the best for both of us and our purity 🙏🙏🙏 it's going to pay off big time !

[@nicoleyoshihara4011]

Thank you so much for this! Words of wisdom for sure ❤ I feel my vocation is marriage but am really terrified and overwhelmed about becoming an instant wife and allits responsibilities and probably soon after a mom (for some reason I don't have desire for kids but I will be open to life. I'm hoping this changes) I would probably marry after 2 or 3 years of being with the person. I'll take all the advice I can get For now I'm single and reallly would love to meet my future spouse God willing this year or next year 🙏❤

[@sabinacerovska540]

Thank you so much for sharing this. God bless you 🤍

[@patricksantini4090]

Hello, Emily and Daniel. You guys are such an amazing couple and insperation to so many.. 😊Neighbor Patrick..

[@tanyadsouza1100]

Beautiful video

[@amenamen5204]

God bless you

[@FF5freak13]

Thank you for sharing these helpful and tangible ideas - I appreciate that you share about your relationship so openly!

[@emwilss]

You are so welcome! Thank you for commenting!

[@mlmj1994]

God loves a chipper giver 🤣😜 (it’s the Daniel Translation)

[@Brianna-yh7iy]

Thank you

[@emwilss]

You're welcome

[@laurenosborne9810]

Great video. Can you talk about having a sense of humor and how that plays into a healthy marriage? And not taking the Appropriate things too seriously

[@nickmedley4749]

Thank you for your example! Too many people treat their partner like a car that needs to be test-driven before they commit.

[@MaiaJefferies]

I'm getting married in one month! Perfect timing

[@emwilss]

Oh YAY! Congratulations!!! :)

[@kimberlydominic1058]

CHIPPER GIVER 😂

[@24flute37]

My boyfriend just broke up with me. We’d been together or semi-together for the past 4 years. An older friend of mine just got engaged last night. How do I get over my ex in a healthy way? I’m just so lonely.

[@kevinstanton7338]

courting is on the job training What can you do if nobody is willing to take a risk on you at 38, when you're telling people this?

[@emwilss]

Thank you for your comment! I disagree that courting is on the job training - when I was a waitress, I had to wait tables as someone watched how I did and gave feedback before they set me free to do it alone! I actually had to do it as part of training. In courting, you are not living together, you are not having sex, your bank accounts are not one. Courting is a fantastic route for those who choose it but is not the same!

[@kevinstanton7338]

@@emwilss maybe we should discuss what I mean more in private. I'll send you an e-mail to "nerd out" a little on TOB if you're interested, since I've never received more constructive feed back than It's very good from people like Dr West, and Bill Donaghy after the TOB Institute decided to take my Masters Thesis (that I was building), and turn it into TOB For Teens (gut feeling), turn some of my writing into a musical, and have a few videos at at TOB Conference on things I've written.