EMOTIONAL EATING | Tomska and Kati Morton

[@susannahkeohane4870]

I would love to have Kati as a therapist 😍

[@hannahl4748]

Susannah Keohane same 🙌🏽

[@emilyyoung9285]

I feel you. Out of the three therapists I've had I only liked one for like a month and then I didn't like her either lol.

[@littlemissoptimism]

Susannah Keohane I was thinking this!

[@RecoveryFlower]

I'm such an emotional eater ughhhhhhh and I have no hunger cues anymore. Going out to dinner is so hard bc I never know how much I'm supposed to eat. I love this video so much you both are amazing

[@debtank1]

Recovery Flower - check out OA.org

[@ChiaraSupernova]

Same :-/ I just eat to eat I can't tell if I'm even hungry or not. I'm always self conscious people think I am eating like a pig or that I'm somehow not being socially acceptable while I eat. I feel more relaxed when I can eat alone but I still get anxious and ashamed for what I'm doing

[@swearveit]

I like your channel as well.👏

[@20Unbelievable06]

you ARE helping a lot, Tom! and you're brave for sharing with us! thank you!

[@phangirl2484]

it was so cute when he said that though oh my god

[@whimsydandelion]

Tom is so courageous and genuine with everything he's said about his mental health which surely helps people who struggle with similar issues, even if it's just making someone feel understood ❤️ and Kati is awesome as always :)

[@chibichocofairy]

-MY ADVICE ♦ I do eat when am stressed but I've ever been black and white about food. I would say I am in the 'happy medium' Katie was talking about. The food I eat for stress relief is all strictly food that I've cooked my self from scratch. I put a movie, tv episode, or music on then start to cook and by the time the food is ready and i've cleaned the mess I've made (I always make a mess) my body is exhausted, and I don't really want to eat the food as much anymore, but I do eat it and it tastes great and I am satisfied. The labor of cooking and cleaning on it's own is a stress reliever, so by the time I am ready to eat the food, I don't need as much of it. This is just one version of what Katie mentioned, which is asking your self do something that helps you relief stress before allowing your self to stress eat. ♦ Second Advice: this one is more on the weight gain prevention side, since the motion of eating can be more important than eating itself, try popcorn, carrots, zucchini, broccoli, things you can eat a lot of but don't have as many calories/fat ect, Oh, and obviously like tom mentioned, using water to help your self feel full faster and just for good health in general. ♦ Finally, Try to notice if there are any foods that have any special effects on your mood. When I am depressed I really like watermelon, chocolate and fat rich foods (I try to make them healthy fats like peanut butter and avocado) When I am anxious, I like warm drinks like tea, and foods I can eat a lot of like veggies. When I am in physical pain, I like eating what my dad used to buy for me when I was sick (a dark soda and white cheese with crackers) Or just chocolate again. Because chocolate is magical. Or soup. Which is also magical. That's all, good luck Ya'all :3

[@CLoseDSpAceFiRe]

This is awesome advice! Thank you for sharing!!!

[@vallentinac9513]

super great advice!

[@mariaiqbal2398]

this is super helpful!thanks for sharing

[@LovedHappy]

This is SUCH an important topic! Food is such an accessible form of comfort that is formulated to be addictive, love your tips Katie and just how open and down to earth you are :)xo

[@kelli8841]

I hate to put this to parents, but my parents and caretakers were a HUGE part of starting my emotional eating habits... habits that to this day I have to be conscious about every second (and still cannot control). Every time I got hurt... "It's okay honey, here is a sucker to make you feel better". Every time I had a rough day... "Don't worry about it sweetie, lets go get ice cream to make you feel better". As I got older, some sort of food was offered instead of what I really needed, which was just my parents or someone to listen to what was going on with me, and talk to me. It's something I am teaching my son, to deal with feelings and emotions in a healthy way... to accept that the feeling is there, that sometimes the feelings suck, and to problem solve his way to a better feeling through different outlets... and not using food as a soothing outlet, or a tool so you don't have to get involved. If I want to take his mind off of something, we go bike riding or jump on the trampoline or paint silly pictures or go in the full length mirror and make silly faces or read a book. This in turn helps me not to take the emotional eating route with him and be a good example for him!

[@dguillen1226]

This resonated with me so deep. I struggle so much with emotional eating, food is my main source of comfort. I keep trying different techniques to stop binging and it is so hard to stop. Thank you for sharing your struggles. You're not alone.

[@TemperanceXIV]

My friends are gonna hate me but I'm definitely trying this "call a friend when you feel the urge to eat" thing :D

[@gabrieldamasceno3971]

TemperanceXIV just don’t forget to ask them about their problems too

[@James-ot2kf]

I have issues with a recurring eating disorder (not eating enough for a while and losing a large amount of weight, then steadily gaining it all back until I relapse) and anxiety/OCD and I've found that writing out all of my thoughts on a single piece of paper helps me. I write horizontally, vertically, and sideways all over one sheet of notebook paper, going over my writing again and again, until I've gotten some of it out. It can take ten minutes or two hours and it's very soothing. You can have music or tv on in the background, or you can devote all your attention to it. It has really helped me.

[@gabijastr3939]

Connie Condell im literally same, thank you for sharing this i will deffo try this!!

[@Erin-ho8qu]

Do you throw the paper away after?

[@James-ot2kf]

Erin McNamara nah not personally but if that would help give you some closure then that's great!

[@piscesgagamonster]

I was really poor growing up so whenever I did have access to food I would go crazy with it. I'm now able to afford food but I still panic whenever I think about it. I never think there's enough in my house so I'll spend so much money on groceries. it feels impossible to control my anxiety

[@debtank1]

Stuffyluffy check out the OA.org website. A lot of us deal with having been poor growing up where we were constantly living in lack. So, we learn to stuff ourselves with food...but there is never enough.

[@blazevarone2344]

Stuffyluffy #me

[@sharavila616]

Oh my I cried reading your comment... I feel you

[@shenandoah1322]

Stuffyluffy I wasn't poor growing up, there was always healthy food on the table, but my mom was so controlling about food and when I started to have my own money from babysitting and more independence, I started making trips to the corner store that had a massive candy and bubble gum section. I would stock up, hide the candy in my room, and eat it while reading in bed. My mom counting the cookies in the freezer and accusing me and my sisters of sneaking cookies when it turned out it was actually my dad who took the cookies was the start of my eating disorder. When I noticed I was getting chubbier, I started a crazy cycle of restrict, binge, purge with laxatives, restrict and so on. I also started taking diet pills and appetite suppressants, and I'm pretty sure that stuff totally messed with my mood and triggered massive mood swings.

[@katwebster1986]

@@shenandoah1322 I had struggled with emotional eating growing up, but after being unemployed and having only one meal a day for months while working, I really struggle to this day with eating other's leftovers. I guess one positive for 2020, it has definitely helped me with not taking what others have left on their plates

[@paxtonghandi1380]

Things I'm trying: 1) Acknowledging the validity of my resentment for my disordered relationship with food, allowing myself to think that it IS terrible (even if there are much more terrible things in the world, even if I am partly to blame, etc.) 2) Perceiving a difference between acknowledging this disorder as terrible and allowing the anxiety and stress of it to propel me to perpetuate it, recognizing binging as a habitual but un-useful reaction to the feeling of powerlessness 3) Recognizing that habits are deep and not expecting step (2) to suddenly yield a perfect new me 4) getting space from my thoughts 5) diverse incremental moves in the positive direction, whatever "positive" might mean to me, whatever forms might make sense for me at the time.... 6) looking up "positive outlets to negative emotions", kati's videos, etc., whether I end up using the coping skills suggested or not 7) even w/ the tenets of intuitive eating, knowing that hunger "cues" are not "commands" and that I will be required to take an active role in my eating habits if I want to improve them, which helps me feel less frustrated that my eating habits don't naturally just "click" into the correct gear 8) not banning myself from using food to make me feel better, recognizing there's a big space between an instance of food soothing and binge eating 9) having respect for the mystical biological/hormonal/etc foundations of the drive to eat.......

[@aldensteur9107]

I'm so grateful for this video! I so rarely see men or masculine people so honestly discuss having bad relationships with food. This video really made me feel less alone and less ashamed.

[@themontrealgirl95]

Im so black and white towards food and its very mentally painfull.

[@Erin-ho8qu]

Same man, I'm either like healthy vegan or binging on pasta chocolate and ice cream!

[@LaurieLeighArt]

Me too

[@rpsgrayfox]

Damn... I appreciate Tom putting himself on the spot like that, it's very inspiring for him to talk about such a hard topic for him.

[@waldmann7777]

I stopped selfharming and started eating, I think it's just another way to harm my body for me. But I'm going to try to find 5 other coping skills that are good for me. Thx for the tipps

[@LadyPeters]

Thank you for being so open, Tomska! it really does help! Kati, I love what you said about not "dieting " but evaluating our relationships with food. That really clicked with me. This was really great, thanks guys!!!!💪❤

[@DT-hk3jb]

This sounds so much like my relationship with food. Thank you for this Kati and Tomska. I am going to try some of your healthy recommendations, Kati.

[@NandiniGupta1]

This is so amazing!! Thank you thank you Tom. This has helped me feel less lonely and that may seem like a small thing but I can guarantee you I will be forever grateful. Loneliness is incredibly debilitating. Thanks again Tom!

[@picklejuice2]

I’ve been looking for videos on emotional eating for a while now and this is the first helpful one I’ve come across. Thank you💛

[@ashestoashes78]

Kati's shirt is so aesthetically pleasing Also, great crossover! :D

[@JeffinerM]

This was a really awesome video. I was expecting a "this is how I conquered comfort eating!" story, but actually it was really helpful to see someone who is trying to figure things out, and, in a sense, to be welcomed into someone else's therapy session. Thank you so much for sharing and for allowing yourself to be vulnerable for us

[@Sarah-jz6qd]

Having a friend to call or a distraction is 100% helpful during those binge moments. I had eating disorders for years, postponing and connecting to something you enjoy for 15 minutes before is so helpful. Also, my eating has a lot to do with being disconnected from other people, and those activities I find help.

[@beanhope8739]

You probably get this so much, but thank you Kati. For all the videos you put up, for all your training and studying you've been through.

[@hannahl4748]

when Kati throws in an extra video🎉 yayyy xx

[@joanie5278]

Wow. Tom. That was incredibly brave, genuine, and helpful. Here I am afraid just to comment and say I relate.

[@AminoWellness]

Best video ever!!! Emotional and stress eating is my biggest obstacle in life. The 4 things I've leaned the best about eating and I teach my students are: 1. Be open to change 2. Be realistic in you plan, goals, food choices 3. Create a balance of nutrient dense and not so nutritious foods (don't deprive yourself of things you enjoy eating, just create a healthy balance with them included) 4. Be okay with not being 100% perfect. 80-85% is a solid goal to be proud of. For me when I'm in an emotional situation, my biggest tip is that before I make a food choice I live through and process fully that emotion and whatever thoughts are attached to it. Sometimes this does mean I may feel uncomfortable because I'm dealing with sadness or anger but I work through it. I then end the thought with something positive and put my Fitbit on the 2 mins breathing mode, focus on my breathing and then go make a healthy choice.

[@Lady8D]

The main thought I keep having during this episode: He sounds like he's not currently ready/willing to make the necessary changes. Which I understand, addiction is damn near impossible to voluntarily break before one is actually ready...that's been my experience anyway. No judgement, just observing that he sounds very reluctant to actively participate in the discussion as it pertains to possible "solutions" (for lack of a better word) I'm sure he'll get there sooner or later (also in my experience, the willingness & being ready to break an addiction is one of those things that ebbs and flows) Thanks for the video!

[@andresquevedo5552]

For me, to get out of my system negative thoughts or repressed emotions I find that running is one of the best things ever. Not so much with exercise in general but I find that with running I can zoom out or use all of the emotions to keep on going and it's incredible how much it helps. Also, you have to drink lots of water after running so thats a plus.

[@GenericGena]

Thank you for talking about this, Tom. Love your honesty and that you're talking about it while it's a current issue for you - that's braver than past tense. You are helping! :)

[@lynnmoore5649]

Here I sit, 67 y.o., with over 35 years of therapy under my belt. Watching and listening to Tom nearly made me cry. I STILL have food issues that are very similar to Toms'. Thank you so much, Tom, for your bravery and honesty.

[@debrakelly2500]

Thanks Tomska for sharing your experience with us. One thing that I used to do to cope with feelings is go to the gym and hammer out a cardio workout- or my favorite was cardio kickboxing. I also used to swim. One of my favorite things to do now is to take a bubble bath and watch KZbin videos. If the weather is nice, I like to take a walk with my dog. Other times I will just cry or even take a nap. Being overly tired can really put me in a horrible place. My best friend cleans when she gets upset which is awesome when she comes over to my house. ;-)

[@silverbroom02]

I think you are helping by doing this, Tom! I bet it helps a lot of people feel understood. I've got food issues more towards the other end of the spectrum and I recognize this state where I'm getting advice that logically makes sense and yet it just feels like I'm never gonna get the hang of it and have a healthy relationship with food. I think what helps most at those times is just having a cry about it or somehow letting the frustrated and hopeless feelings out. I can pick myself up and dust myself off later. 💜

[@katrinacolling2366]

Kati you are so comforting to watch and listen to. I love your non-judgmental, kind, understanding, positive approach to everything. I would love to have you as a therapist. I would feel so comfortable talking to you!

[@LolaElenaDisco]

Thank you so much Tom for sharing!!! I think you are so sweet and genuine!!!

[@cigdemtuna2496]

Omg he actually helped so much, like I always knew that this wasn't healthy but this video made me start thinking about therapy, tom I hope you can get there, not only on weight but the mentality, i hope I get there. I think I just gotta understand that food is not a friend, not an enemy, not an ally it's not what I should be going for to prize myself, or do out of boredom or think it's something I should be "deserving" and definitely not something I should be keeping myself away from as a punishment. I just want food to became food

[@hadestheblackcat420]

Thank you Kati and thank you Tom for sharing this. I hope Tom you were able to find that balance with food (I know the struggle) I really appreciated hearing your story and seeing your views on food and I know personally it is a rough ride to be on. I hope you found some inner peace and a happy balance and if you happen to read this, I wish you all the best!

[@emilygeer9213]

Very helpful. Thank you for sharing your story!

[@makeup_teki]

I can totally relate Tom👏👏 You are brave!

[@GeorgiaLinders]

this actually really helped me. i was in eating disorder counseling for years for compulsive overeating, ended up having bariatric surgery 3 years ago and lost most of the extra weight. I was physically much healthier, but then I developed a transfer addiction with alcohol. I got help for that and have been sober now for a year. I haven't gained weight back, but feel like my thoughts & actions are definitely leaning towards the BAD eating disorder related thoughts i had years ago. I have watched a few of your videos and am paying close attention to your solutions for replacing the bad coping mechanisms with good ones. My nutritionist always tells me to do self-care but maybe I need to actually write down some actual ideas and then DO them. I have so many things I want to do but my anxiety prevents it. I have been more active lately & making fun youtube videos. Anyways, i'm going to keep watching your videos. Thank you for posting them!!!

[@kaylaboland637]

I really love seeing these videos about mental health with youtubers, it's so important to have these conversations openly - and also incredibly difficult to do.

[@debtank1]

I've been through this for years. I joined OA.org 3 years ago, and it has been so much better since then. There are OA meetings all over the place.

[@bri4210]

Ugh this is me 100%. I relate so hard. I'm at such a loss as to where to start. Like Tom I've had limited success and failed attempts, and I know what I SHOULD be doing to help with binges. But there is literally nothing in my life that makes me feel happy and comforted like food does. I have a hard time thinking that there may be coming mechanisms that feel better.

[@Dreamachineries]

One thing I do to cope is play a video game or read a book or watch a really good movie or TV show. I can get so immersed in stories that I'll forget about food and eating for a while. That really helps! Writing helps too.

[@julielampe4987]

I've told my therapist the same things Tom said. EXACTLY the same things....down to the "I know what to do, I just don't do it". I'm transgender and have been transitioning for 4 years and eating / weight / health are by far bigger issues for me than my transition....it's not even close. I've done the trainer thing, the huge healthy eating thing (no pun intended) and, like Tom, I almost get there and then poof....it is worse than ever. I really wish I could get on top of it and get it under control for good. My best to Tom and thanks Kati for having this video!

[@NeighborhoodIndian]

Tom!!! You are so incredible!!! Thank you for coming out with your story. It's so important. I'm currently going to therapy for all one million of my problems, but I recognize now that I want better food relationships. I binge a lot! I think that it's easy for me to want to fix appearances or do surface level work without really going into the deeper levels of why I feel what I feel. And once I do find something deep, I've tried to seal it away and pretend I fixed it. I know that I shut myself out the most when I'm judging myself or shaming myself into being well. So starting with being forgiving of myself and recognizing my better qualities helps me to keep my patience up for the long haul work I need to do.

[@KMakoENVtuber]

For me it’s an escape back to a simpler time. I’ve also been told non-stop by family members that I’m a ‘growing boy’ when I was young. It’s like a toxic friendship, an addiction. I could have one beer or one scotch, and be done with it, but give me an entire skillet of Hamburger Helper, I’ll be eating it until I physically hurt myself. If I met TomSka today I’d have something meaningful to converse with in regards to these problems. I met him in 2012 at Otakon and just randomly quoted an asdfmovie line...I apologize for that moment of awkwardness. It’s nice to see when a hero of yours goes through very similar issues. Good on ya, Tom. I wish you luck and much strength.

[@DaBrainFarts]

Thanks Tom. You actually help me. Watching the videos about you and not just your sketches is awesome. Thank you Tom.

[@ojiverdeconfleco]

Thank you Kati and Tom for talking so openly about this, I really liked the way you both handled the conversation. And loved the small achievable everyday goals! I think that can help with lots of things.

[@LaurieLeighArt]

I would so love more on this subject. I am the exact same. I went to a therapist last year and mentioned my comfort eating. She spent the rest of the session telling me about her new diet. I haven't found anyone who understands. I don't even understand. I associate everything with food. Calling a friend or going to the movies can involve food. And bad choices. It is frustrating because I am either 100% dieting or eating unhealthy. Thank you got this video. More help needed.

[@wascallywabbit5895]

He is so great to share this stuff.im sure it will be helpful to other people. Well done!

[@judyferguson1488]

Totally needed this video this week! I can't find the middle ground between the black and whites of eating super healthy and never having any "bad foods" (Or what my brain says is bad), and eating everything in sight! I;m trying mindful eating this week, so i actually enjoy every bite instead of scoffing all my food down as quick as possible.. so we will see how that goes, but it just feels so stressful not knowing how to eat properly when everyone around you does it everyday without thinking... I'm asking my doctor to recommend a nutritionist this week so I can try and learn how to just be healthy and happy!!!

[@aliceg2890]

This is such a helpful and insightful video thank you for always creating such great content! 💜I've relapsed really bad and my therapist goes on holiday next week I don't know what to do! 💜

[@BrittBeastly]

My advice for differentiating emotional hunger/ eating to cope vs. actual hunger is thinking to yourself when you're hungry "would I be satisfied by eating asparagus right now? broccoli? spinach?" etc and if the answer is YES than you are probably actually hungry and should eat. And pre-portioning your food as soon as you buy it into little bags and containers will let you know how much of something you should eat when you do go for the fridge!

[@beardieboo]

This is legit so helpful to see someone besides myself who struggles with the same thing.

[@silverstorm1000]

Mindfulness really helps. Talk to yourself in your head like you would to a close friend. So much of my problems around eating have been the judgement if I eat something 'bad'. Getting away from thinking of food in terms of "good" and "bad" helps but also focusing more on the solutions than beating yourself up for the problem eating habits. Setting realistic goals and moving in small steps helps too. Too many people try and do it all at once.

[@laurahamlyn3247]

keto diets are about severe restriction of carbohydrates, not about starvation. it's not just a short term fad diet, it's a long term option too. carbs are not an essential nutrient. yes it may not suit everyone, like those with disordered eating patterns, or those who can stick to a low fat diet. i find high fat foods very satiating, so personally on a low carb diet, i've found it easier to distinguish between wanting to eat for hunger and for emotional reasons. being able to notice what's going on is usually my stumbling block with most mental health issues i have.

[@jrg305]

All great points except your assertion that carbs are not an essential nutrient. Please go take a Nutrition science class. Just because your body can survive for a few months on keto doesn't mean it is healthy. As a dietitian, patients on keto come in with extremely elevated cholesterol, constipation, and it is inappropriate for people who have had a cholecystectomy, or gall bladder removal. Additionally, cutting carbs means cutting fruits, veggies, whole grains, and things like Greek yogurt and skim milk. These foods are sources of essential b-vitamins, minerals, and carbohydrate is the primary source of energy for all athletics from bodybuilding to endurance running, where carbohydrate becomes a primary nutrition counseling intervention discussion point in teaching how much to eat per mile you run to avoid hitting the wall. Muscles use glycogen, red blood cells cannot use anything except blood sugar due to no organelles like mitochondria, the brain prefers carbohydrate, the lens of your eye, the nephron of the kidney all need carbohydrate only and do not process fat, so it is much more work on the liver to create glucose from fat and protein break down. Diabetics who do keto sometimes have very erratic blood sugar from keto because of the un predictable nature of hepatic gluconeogenesis or liver blood sugar production. It is a fad right now, and not to be officially recommended until we have more research. Everyone is being a guinea pig with their health trying it out.

[@saramcguinness4379]

Thanks Tom and Katie, I can identify with your awareness. the point you connected with about looking around for other outlets makes sense as well as the recognition of comfort in childhood wasn't affection , and though well meaning, food gave some soothing.

[@LadyPeters]

I really enjoy this type of chat, idk what it is about it but I love it! great video guys!

[@kriselam480]

Thanks for having this here. perfect timing to pop up. I am him as an adult.👍✌

[@bugoftheleaves]

i like to make a bit of a ritual out of what i eat for comfort. for me this is having tea. boiling water, pouring it, choosing the tea, etc. i'll pick out my favorite mug. sometime i'll ad a snack, but it has to be something small like a piece of toast, or some fruit. and i'll really make that about stopping everything and having this tea before continuing on with my day. it's usually about 15-20 of hermiting-type self soothing in the middle of chores or a work day.

[@stephaniewise7889]

This speaks to my soul

[@brittanycoulter5000]

Can you guys do a video explaining the difference between comfort eating and binge eating disorder?

[@clairey165]

I'm trying to get my eating and health habits back on track! I'm drinking lots of water, basing my meals and snacks around fruit and veg as much as possible (feel like it's easier to build healthier habits off the backs of those foods), having one treat a day, not being too strict in terms of everything being homemade or whatever (like, throwing some pre-cooked chicken and some frozen veggies together is a totally fine thing to do and incentivises me when I can't be bothered cooking anything fancy or at all), and running twice a week!

[@clairey165]

Also drinking teas instead of snacking has helped me a lot so far too!

[@Unicorns]

Thank you Tomska. x

[@0Lottee0]

Something that helped me start to get control over my emotional eating (i'll probably always struggle with it if i am being honest) was to use an app to track my food consumption. It's a popular one geared toward weight loss tracking but I ignore the community entirely and just use it for tracking how much I am eating and how much water I drink. It also helps show me patterns in my eating styles so I can see things like: "Well I eat more of X or Y during these events" and other patterns in how I eat. This helps me so I can show my health care team what's going on with me and we can all be on the same page. Whether you use an app or a notebook/journal/planner/calendar/whatevs it might be worth a shot to try and keep track of your meals-regardless if your goal is losing weight or not.

[@katiedelove6527]

So I've just started therapy and one thing I've started doing is journaling so I remember what has bothered me between appointments. I become very deeply introspective when I write, and I had the realisation that my unhealthy eating wasn't just an out of whack schedule. I am a parentified child and what I would do once the baby was down and I was finally able to sit down and process my day is get REALLY upset. I was bullied really heavily in school and once I processed it and allowed myself to get emotional, there wasn't anyone there for me. My father would be on the road for weeks at a time and my mom worked fill time and went to school full time to provide when my dad retired. He's old. So from 10-ish years old, til now ( I'm 27) I've either emotionally ate, or starved during periods of homelessness (16-21 y/o). Now that I'm finally stable at the bottom of my needs pyramid, my emotional scabs are coming off and everything is SO hard to handle. I'm going to try some of these other coping things and see how they do. My appointments are really far apart and I can't really wait to get things under control, especially the eating since that can kill me if I don't. Thank you for sharing, Tomska (my boyfriend loves your work) and thank you Kati for giving all of us the knowledge and tools to try and help ourselves.

[@shelinzky]

Some things that have helped me not over eat is journaling or asking myself about what I’m eating: did it taste good? Did I enjoy it? How is it making me feel now(after eating) and for going out I ask a friend to share a dish with me or ask for a box and immediately box half of the food for later.

[@st9179]

Just food. All the time. I relate so much! Tom seems absolutely beautiful, inside and out!

[@kinocchio]

I can relate with you Tom. I'm 29 and struggled with this since I was 17-18 years old. I've lost weight many times through diet and exercise but after a few weeks/months, I just give up and all that effort goes to waste. I find that I tend to be in a positive or negative state of mind or mood for a few weeks/months and those phases come and go. I don't have any control on that but my weight always goes up when I'm in a negative phase and when I'm in positive state I can easily lose weight without any issues. I'm really tired of all these fluctuations. I feel like at some point I'm just going to stop trying.

[@Sleepyer2681]

Alot of factors are at play When we decide to look at our relationship with food. There is no "one size fits all" type of solution to the issues surrounding it. The ideas in this video are related to keeping busy, which is what has worked for me. This, together with planning meals, whipping then up ahead of time and thought stopping/changing when I feel a need to eat something outside of my plan.

[@Aann4b4n4n4]

It took me years to have a "normal" relationship with food and I have bad days still. Bad days where I eat too much but the next day I can say "Ok, that was bad. New day new chance". Like Kati said, it takes time and practice and even if you think that it will never get better, just give yourself a rest day or a little treat and then back up going!

[@williamsdesigning1949]

I am a comfort eater. It started when I was a boy and living with my family. I overcame loneliness by eating. I am skinny so it is hard to tell but it still has an effect on my body. It specifically happens at night when I am alone or feeling down. I begin eating like crazy and often fall asleep with a full stomach and plates by my bed.

[@andreagil3428]

I completely identified with Tom. Thank you Tom for sharing your story and thank you Kati for the advice. I wonder if emotional eating is an eating disorder or just an emotional imbalance?

[@mimakate]

Tomska. You are amazing. You have no idea how much it helps.

[@nadiakrivosheev602]

I have struggled with emotional eating and still do, to a lesser extent. Recently I have also developed some food sensitivities and health issues which are made worse by my anxiety. I'm​ about to start the Whole30, Monday actually. Reading the book right now, and it's amazing how she talks about food freedom. The book is "Food Freedom Forever" by Melissa Hartwig.

[@freshoutofcrabs]

This hits a lot too close to home. It feels relieving to hear it and be validated, but scary because I know there's a lot of work to do to get better. I think I'm gonna go get a hug now. Thank you.

[@GirraffusWaffuss]

It really does help! Thanks tom and Kati! 😊

[@rainbowgirl765]

thanks tom.great interview and its great to see a 'bloke' open up to food issues for all the males out there too. keep strong x

[@Ewewid]

I went to dietitian recently, I got a meal plan and I'm trying to do the best I can with it. I know I probably cheating too much but I noticed that I started to eat less and better food (whole food). As well after eating junk I feel physically yucky so I eat healthier afterwards. What I think is most important is be honest with yourself and eat as much as possible whole foods. :)

[@TroySadler1450]

Thank you for taking the time to share your story. truly identafie with the situation whent from 200 to180 in 8th grade to 230 in high school then 155 (in 3 months witch now know was not good) 10 year later 250 then got injured at work and can walk now at 350 and is still a daily struggle

[@theyoungadvocate7797]

How do you deal with trigger foods? I know what mine are (bagels, granola bars, pop tarts) but i don't know if I should avoid them all together or what. If I have them in the house, there's a good chance I'll binge.

[@leamavric5683]

avoid having heavy processed foods in your house and add more whole plant foods

[@ashcash4416]

DevinJGreen It's a slow process, do not beat yourself up about it. What I did is I would limit the days were I would eat the foods that I carve that's bad for me. Buy small proportions of those bad foods. And each time you crave things due to a bad situation try and eat something healthy like fruit if you're craving something sweet. That way your are slowing training your mind to eat something healthy. And do not beat yourself up if it does not work right away.

[@debtank1]

DevinJGreen - check out the website OA.org. We deal with trigger foods frequently in OA.

[@randombut2erfly]

What works for me is not keeping the foods I binge on in the house- but if I really want it I buy a single serving at the local coffee shop/grocery store. It's more packaging, more work, and more expensive. It forces me to consider if I really want it, and it helps prevent bingeing WITHOUT total restriction which gets too eating disordery for me.

[@bananaanna4412]

DevinJGreen yes!!!!!!! Beagles and granola. 🙂

[@BrBrianODowd]

Loved your comment about not believing in diets. It makes a lot of sense. I couldn't shake the impression that Tomska was unconsciously 'resisting' hearing a solution or way out. I guess this is normal in therpay. I go to therapy and I am sure I do this too.

[@mommyteacher2961]

Tom was very helpful! It's good to know I'm not the only one. Sugary foods make me happy. I don't want to give them up. I know what I need to do to be healthy. It's super hard for me though, and I don't know if my meds make it even harder. (Effexor ER) I want to lose weight so badly, and my size makes me feel even more depressed. Feeling sad and depressed leads me to eat foods that comfort. My therapist tried to help, but she can't force me to do the work. It's so frustrating not being able to do this for myself. I'm not myself.

[@lairlair2]

I have either a bottle or a tall glass on my desk (I recommend the bottle so that it doesn't spill water on your computer if you knock it over. Having a pretty one makes you even happier to tend to it). Having it around gives me a visual cue, and I don't even need to be thirsty to drink. I refill it every time it's empty; which as a bonus allows me to walk away from the computer every couple of hours so my brain doesn't fry. I also suspect having ADHD, so I see drinking regularly is a kind of healthy fidgeting. Tea and infusions are great too! You get a visual AND olfactory cue. It has a routine feel (put the kettle on, get a tea bag, wash your cup, pour water, wait 3 minutes, throw the tea bag away...) which makes it very soothing to me, and it's an efficient way for me to self care.

[@thedogpawsquad]

Amazing video! So helpful! Thank you! Keep up the amazing work! 💓💝👑xx

[@Vicvines]

I understand this man more than I would like to. I used to weigh 385 and I got myself down to 285 over the course of 2.5 years. Let me tell you, my bipolar disorder fought this EVERY STEP OF THE WAY. I had to increase my lithium simply because the mood swings from exercising and dieting. Nobody ever tells you that when you're bipolar and trying to lose weight and the shitty thing is that many of the meds mess with your metabolism and food cravings. I have a lot of respect for this man and I understand his struggle personally. I would say I definitely have an unhealthy relationship with food sometimes.

[@AliBeilke]

My coping skills are so-so. For a while, I've been using a calorie tracker. It gives me a realistic picture of how much I'm eating. Also, the app I use divides the calories into breakfast, lunch, dinner, and a snack. That sorta helps me keeps me from eating all day. I know it doesn't mesh with the 3 meals, 3 snacks that Kati recommended, but it's what I'm doing. Also, my therapist just asked me to keep a log for her, so I have a journal with times next to what I eat or drink. For some people, focusing all this attention to what they eat and when drives them crazy. I already spend so much time wondering about it, so having a tracker helps me feel better.

[@Sophie_Stedman]

lmao when ur watching a vid on emotional eating whilsts emotionally eating

[@taposkumar6804]

' n

[@ulichen1]

You're such a lovely person, Tom. I hope you can get help. All the best! I think there're so many people struggeling with their relationship to food so you're not alone. I've struggeld too and I still do but it's definetly better than it was. Trying to stop feeling guilty and being nice and understanding with myself helped me alot! I agree that i'ts all about balance. It's way easier said than done obviously but remember no one is perfect and that's not the goal anyway. Just feeling a bit better is probably the best you've ever felt.

[@Cassandra540]

I would love more videos on this topic and more info on how to develop other coping skills. Thanks for speaking out about this!!

[@Suoyung]

I think what could help the most is keeping track of achievements of each day in a diary. And start with easy tasks. So if the goal is drinking 3 glasses of water, you write it down that day. It's okay if you don't do that a day or two. But if you do it for 10 days straight you can decide a reward for yourself. Then when you had a 10-day straight for drinking just 3 glasses of water, you choose a little bit more difficult task. Maybe 4 glasses of water ;D Or something else. But the habit of drinking minimum of 3 glasses of water will stay. If it doesn't, you can always add additional points for that, and rewarding for that too. This method really helped me for many things.

[@celvsmachine]

Wow dude I can 100% relate to you. Thank you for talking about this. I've only recently started to be aware of my issues with food. It's really helpful to hear someone be so honest and open with it.

[@celvsmachine]

PS Kati be my therapist!!!!!!!! 🤣

[@ArghCake]

I was thinking about unsubscribing earlier today, just because I haven't been relating to some of the topics or at least they haven't really been interesting me recently. But this really hits the spot about my own personal mission. Thank you for having Tom on. It makes this journey a bit easier. I feel like knowing all the ways of losing weight makes it worse. You feel so guilty, because you think "I have all the tools to do it, why can't I?" The guilt turns food into a punishment. You get the initial high off food to feel good about it. You eat until the feelings go away for a bit. Then your stomach feels like it's going to burst at the seams, and then even more guilt settles in. You think about "why the fuck did I just do that? Not only does my stomach hurt, but I'm 2000 calories and 4720 mg of salt worse off than I was 20 minutes ago". The lacerations across my body are a log of all the times I've tried to suffocate my emotions with food. I'm DONE with dieting. I'm DONE with counting calories. I'm DONE judging others for their food choices. This coming year I swear I will turn that part of my brain that uses food against me. I swear I'm going to eat like a normal fucking human being. I swear I'm going to be active like a normal fucking human being. Dear god, nature take the wheel (irony intended). I'm so sick of feeling guilty. I'm so sick of being a prisoner in my own mind and body. I just want to be happy .

[@torglesnarfprime]

i love tom. he's so funny and just genuinely sweet.

[@thepanda9782]

I suffer from occasional binge eating, usually involving lots of cheese, meat or sugar. This hasn't affected my weight very much at this point but makes me feel guilty afterwards and will make me not want to eat. Generally I find investing time into cooking my food helps me make healthier choices and alleviate my anxiety towards food. I find what a lot of people focus on when binge eating is "oh I'm eating too much!" Instead of the damaging effects restrictive dieting and intentionally starving in the long term does to this relationship. The best thing to do when my eating habits are becoming really bingey is taking a step to be aware of what I'm eating without being judgemental, and being more aware of my body feelings (along with other coping mechanisms I learn in my group). Most people who have a healthy relationship with food don't generally feel guilty about their habits, generally they try and eat lots of fruits and vegetables, and avoid takeout or obvious 'junk foods'. Often times they aren't super restrictive or counting calories, they listen to how their body is feeling rather than the emotions (hungry, thirsty, low energy) and eat to give oneself fuel when the feeling arrives. At the same time if they aren't hungry and are feeling emotional, generally they use coping mechanisms other than food, especially in using support people and distracting when feeling the urge to emotionally eat.

[@DragonLouie]

I wanna give Tom a hug through the screen :( I relate to him so much.

[@samanthahatt1388]

Kati I’m a mom of four little ones, I’m a emotional eater and find it my way of coping with my littles I really hope you do a motherhood series!!!

[@poorainbowshit2570]

I agree, so much with the relationship with food being more important

[@jennyjellylelly]

Very insightful Tomska!!