Emotional Neglect: How to Connect with Yourself and Find Your Voice | Dr. Jonice Webb

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In this video, “Emotional Neglect: How to Connect with Yourself and Find Your Voice,” I’m going to talk about how growing up with Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) makes it hard to know what you want, feel and need. And I’ll explain how it also makes you feel guilty or bad for expressing yourself.
When growing up with Emotional Neglect, it can be hard as an adult to connect with yourself, and find your voice within relationships… In this video, I’ll talk about how to discover your own wants, feelings, and needs and how you can learn to express them to others with confidence.
CEN Breakthrough Video Series:
1. Emotional Neglect: How to Recognize it, Why it’s Invisible, And How it Affects You | Dr. Jonice Webb:
• Emotional Neglect: How...
2. Emotional Neglect: 4 Subtle but Painful Things You May Have Missed Growing Up | Dr. Jonice Webb
• Emotional Neglect: 4 S...
3. Emotional Neglect: How it Can Make it Hard to Recognize Your Emotions | Dr. Jonice Webb
• Emotional Neglect: How...
4. Emotional Neglect: 5 Ways it can Affect Your Emotional Intelligence | Dr. Jonice Webb
• Emotional Neglect: 5 W...
5. Emotional Neglect: How to Connect with Yourself and Find Your Voice | Dr. Jonice Webb
• Emotional Neglect: How...
6. Emotional Neglect: What Most Therapists Don’t Know and How to Find One Who Does | Dr. Jonice Webb
• Emotional Neglect: Wha...
7. Emotional Neglect: Use These 10 Affirmations to Reparent Yourself | Dr. Jonice Webb
• Emotional Neglect: Use...
8. Emotional Neglect: Lack of Self-Discipline? It might be Self Neglect Instead | Dr. Jonice Webb
• Emotional Neglect: Lac...
9. Emotional Neglect: How it Impacts Your Love Relationships | Dr. Jonice Webb
• Emotional Neglect: How...
10. Emotional Neglect: Jumpstart Your Healing by Doing These 3 Things | Dr. Jonice Webb
• Emotional Neglect: Jum...
00:00 Introduction
00:36 Neglect Takes Your Voice Away
03:35 Knowing Your Truth
08:12 Solutions
10:09 Assertiveness

[@DeepThinkersClub]

Things CEN teaches you, subliminally. 1. You are inherently flawed. 2. You are inferior to others. 3. Your emotions don’t matter. 4. You don’t matter. 5. Others emotions matter. 6. Others are human; you are not good enough to exist as a human and must assist others and view life on the sidelines. 7. Don’t hurt others’ feelings. If they hurt yours, that’s okay, because you are inferior and not worthy of having emotions. 8. You are not good enough. 9. You must strive for perfection, so you will have a chance at being “good enough”. Striving for perfection is the only way to invite less criticism. Perfection is your only way out to start existing. While others seem imperfect, they were just born superior. 10. You can’t say “no” because you are nothing and not worthy enough to say “no”. 11. You are flawed, and it is your fault. You are inherently “bad”. 12. You don’t count enough to have a valid opinion. 13. You feel shame for existing.

[@kasiako355]

You stated it so perfectly, that I have been leaved speechles. Thank you for sharing and giving others the opportunity to open their eyes to the truth!💖

[@DeepThinkersClub]

@@kasiako355 🥰🥰🥰🤗🤗🤗 Thanks for sharing! 😊 We are all in the same boat! You MATTER too! Realizing I mattered too was life changing! 🥰

[@DrJoniceWebbphd]

What a succinct and thorough list. It's a burdensome and unfair way to go through life and this is why it's so very important to heal. Thanks so much for sharing. ❤

[@DeepThinkersClub]

@@DrJoniceWebbphd Thank YOU so much for bring awareness to this for everyone!! 😊

[@louisecampbell2628]

Good Grief!!!! You just described what I've been going through. All my life so far. I'm almost 58😢😢 Gosh what a burden life has been...so far

[@dianaalvarado1451]

There was something you said that gave me a chill. When you said we don't express ourselves and our true feelings because we don't want to 'cause trouble'. Being the oldest child of immigrants, I felt like I had to keep quiet, support my parents, never complain or do anything that would cause 'trouble or grief' because I knew how stressed they were. As grateful as I am, I now realize that it is ok to speak up -- even if it rocks the boat. Like you said, it is my responsibility to advocate for myself. I think after therapy and years of meditation, I have gotten very in touch with what I want and feel, next step is feeling comfortable and confident communicating my feelings and wants. It is ok for my feelings to be also in consideration.

[@DrJoniceWebbphd]

Sounds like you've made amazing progress! Yes, there are skills required for expressing your feelings. You can definitely learn them!

[@sanataj]

How do you know if your feelings are reasonable? I keep being called a narcissist. The choice of a novie would matter to me, but l don't really enjoy anything. I don't have strong positive feelings. am not fun to be with.

[@sanataj]

10;38 - Transactional Analysis.

[@clarkl4177]

😮Yikes. At 62 I am discovering there's still A LOT of growing to do! Thanks for helping me face some of these painful areas that have kept me trapped ❤

[@SuperAtlantis1]

I'm almost 63 and feel the same as you

[@ablanccanvas]

Also 62… same. 😳

[@marykennedysherin3330]

Thank you Dr Webb for your excellent teaching and wisdom! My generation were told “children should be seen and not heard “, feelings were always minimized or ignored. Then as an adult we wonder why we feel numb and don’t know how we feel!

[@user-mm2lx2ds3u]

4:44pm I have just discovered your you tube talks Dr Jonice Webb, and I am so grateful to you for taking the time to explain what so many of us are experiencing in life, struggling to make life work when we ourselves are so mixed up and confused, I totally resonate with Mary Kennedy in saying, we were only to be seen and not heard. I have been confused all this time and our marraige was on the rocks because of my struggles, I myself wasn’t even aware of being able to understand myself because of my childhood trauma until I heard your talks, this has been HUGE for me and thank you for assuring us that we can work our challenges through with the right steps to take. My husband and I are going to watch your talks together. Thank you for helping me through this. It has brought new hope in having a much better relationship with my spouse. I praise God for sending you this way, thank you for caring!

[@sattal5]

After reading the comments, I also experienced the strict parenting skills with limited emotional expressions and being praised for not being heard. Still have struggles in communication skills. Thank you Dr. Webb. 0:21

[@petunia795]

Same here! After reading the comments and yes coming from a strict family. My parents didn't like it when I expressed my feelings (they like kids who follow and not question anything not sure if its an asian thing) again they wanted me to be seen but not heard. I remember my parents saying don't ask questions just do it. And ever since I kinda learnt not to questioned anything (really sad) and when I do question things I get mad at myself because I'm already too late and whatever it is has past. Thank you so much for your videos ❤❤❤❤ I'm learning so much about myself!

[@maryjaneshippen3815]

Sitting here and watching you explain how to find my voice, I have rushes of emotions flowing through me. Your words touch me with kindness, allowing me to take the tools offered. I will pause and allow these emotions to teach me. At age 75, I'm an old lady full of regret and bitterness toward my parents, (gone for a long time now) who neglected me. I'm realizing they were also victims of emotional neglect. I can do this! Thank you for helping me to heal myself.

[@dearchunwah]

Thank you for sharing...I am 74, and also harbored anger and bitterness toward my parents...it is good to know that you are there and have gone through the same experience and survived.

[@giakhalsa7971]

Thank you so much for this video and all your other videos. I definitely was emotionally neglected in my childhood. My parents provided well, but there was no emotional connection. I love your videos. You are very good at describing and explaining things in a clear simple way. But also very pertinent. Your demeanor is professional yet friendly, and not so dreadfully serious like some other videos I’ve watched from other people You make me feel comfortable❤ Again, thank you for everything you have done and I will be studying many of these videos. I am 76 years old but it’s never too late.😊

[@Jackienederlander]

Thank you for this. I was a war orphan and am now 82. i started weekly therapy six years or so ago. I use Buddhist practices which help and your words about CEN hit home completely. I watch my grandchildren getting very positive verbal, responses and emotional support from their mothers (which is wonderful as it means CEN is not continuing in that generation) and it highlights for me what was not present in my childhood. As a Buddhist, I trying to learn from my grief reaction when seeing, experiencing and investigating the very kind, gentle and patient treatment given to my grandchildren which, of course, I never received. Tara Brach's RAIN is a valuable tool in this growth process. CEN has brought a crispness (or a deeper truth) to this process and enabled me to see far more clearly how little I am to blame and how greatly I need to offer myself compassion and healing. In addition, I see clearly how my mother had suffered CEN owing to the death of her mother when she was 8yrs old. Thank you again for this and for posting your video.

[@Arven8]

It's odd -- I am very good at knowing what I *don't* want. I'm not so good at knowing what I *do* want. Knowing what I *don't* want seems much easier somehow. I wonder why that is.

[@lisareid7043]

It’s the same for me and I wonder if it’s because stronger, more uncomfortable feelings are involved with what we don’t want

[@Arven8]

@@lisareid7043 That's possible. It would fit with the "negativity bias," which is the tendency of our brains to notice the negative more than the positive. // On a more optimistic note, it might be that I already have pretty much everything I want. Maybe I'm just content. Our society constantly tries to tell us that we need X or Y, and I try not to buy into all that. // It could also be that I'm out of touch with what I want, because I focus too much on other people. That doesn't sound like me, though, lol.

[@jessicashaw7143]

This video reveals how I've felt for many years. I'm 57 now and still deal with this. I have tried to express how I feel or what I'm going through. However, it's like no one understands or tells me I shouldn't feel like that; just forget or stay busy. The other person I have to try and express to doesn't know how to help, especially since they deal with the same problem. So trying to express seems useless.

[@DrJoniceWebbphd]

It just takes the assertiveness skills which you can absolutely learn. No one knows how to do this unless they learn those skills somewhere.

[@suziecheeseman3760]

This explains why I feel so utterly unimportant. That my feelings, insight and contribution is unwanted and disdained. I feel exhausted by the attempts I’ve made to establish better habits, be more disciplined, not being able to finish things, to expect good things will come to me.

[@Sweetshaunna]

Beautifully put! Really hits home for me

[@vanessamaiato3894]

So sad for you. I feel the same ❤❤❤

[@bearofdeath]

I definitely feel like my voice was taken away from CEN. I am almost 33 now and still struggling massively with people pleasing and these videos have been a huge eye opener. Thank you ❤️

[@DrJoniceWebbphd]

I'm so glad your eyes are open! Now you can move forward :)

[@cindymilbauer3133]

Thanks so much for these videos. I'm 63 years old and I am just starting to make choices about what restaurants I want to go to and even what kind of birthday cake I'd like. I feel so much more happier in my daily life. 😊

[@lauraheitzer4792]

Thank you! My mother was a narcissist who once told me that she and my father had NEVER wanted me! I was excluded from any emotional closeness in my family and often pictured in my mind that I was like a small child always looking in the window of a candy shop from outside the store--I never felt that I belonged or was wanted in my own family. I have a very hard time even speaking to most people without having a voice that quavers with fear of even speaking to them because I am so sure that I am just a pain in the neck to them. Your video has been so helpful and I am going to start speaking up more using your specific suggestions. I prefer to spend most of my time alone doing what I enjoy doing, which is reading, knitting, and spending time with my supportive husband. I am an introvert and it is hard for me to speak in a group or to draw any attention to myself by so doing. I am sure I will be laughed at or criticized if I were to speak in a group, and I feel that I would not know how to defend my statements (my mother frequently criticized and made fun of my ideas, implying that I was stupid. It is very difficult for me not to feel that others will react the same way if I were to speak out in a group.

[@cfjohnson7369]

I find that other people may see quiet as shyness or disinterest. Not always true!

[@kellieliang]

Crying on the inside the whole way through. Feeling heartbroken that this video so relateable.

[@DrJoniceWebbphd]

That is actually a good sign that you've hit the nail on the head. Now you can move forward and heal!

[@pcs1120]

God I’m the poster child for this video. I appreciate the advice

[@juliet8678]

I'm so happy I discovered your channel! This is exactly what I've been experiencing formy entire life (I'm 61)! Growing up in a post-WW2 family, as youngest child of 5, with narcissistic parents and physically abusive older siblings, I had to be a "perfect" child just to survive! (not seen AND not heard). My feelings and deepest emotions were NEVER taken into account! Your words have really been eye (and heart) opening, thank you 🙏❤️

[@maharaz888]

Am sorry for your challenging childhood experience. I have mine too and awareness and emotional healing is a must. Do you know if you are a highly sensitive person/ HSP? Worth exploring :))

[@juliet8678]

Thank you ❤️ Yes, also an HSP (and have done a lot of research on the topic), so really my only solace and unconditional love growing up was my kitty cat, and whatever artistic pursuits I could find ❤️

[@maharaz888]

@@juliet8678 💚💜💚 animals have their own way of being uncondotional.. hopefully we'll match their level when we undo the trauma and heal our hearts 🌟🌟

[@maharaz888]

@@juliet8678 and I was quite sure about you being a HSP :). Only lately i am getting to acknowledge, embrace amd normalize my sensitivity full on. It's challenging most of times until we educate ourselves around it and contextualize our stories.

[@1BrandyS1]

I just found this video today... I saw an instagram the other day that said Mothers in the 70s: "children should be seen and not heard" Same mothers today alone in nursing home "my child never calls" . I kinda laughed because I do not ever call anyone, then I realized I have never called or talked to anyone. I posted it on my facebook and no one commented back.. and I then realized how utterly alone my neglected childhood has left me

[@elgee921]

Wow! You have made an awesome point about the “being alone in nursing home, cuz they raised you to not express yourself”

[@ginnywalker184]

I find so much value in what you are sharing. My feelings never mattered as a child or as an adult. I have learned to keep my ears open and my mouth shut because it was "better" that way. I still do that to an extent, but now keeping my ears open and my mouth shut gives me the opportunity to "test the climate" and speak up if I feel I have something to add that would be of value. I'm also an introvert so that is also part of this whole situation. I've found it's sometimes better to just walk away.

[@debgilbert3206]

Now that I am retired, I feel I have the time to focus on myself and finally deal with CEN I have endured all my life. Being so busy and stressed by work, life, comuting, etc. left me no time to slow down and focus on myself. Thank you Dr. Webb for giving a name to the suffering so that it can be dealt with.

[@MichNative01]

Omg...thanks 4 this video, my husband is a scapegoat survivor and he has no idea how to do what you just did. He lost his voice 59 years ago, and we are working to get it back. He has no idea of the basics...so any other videos like this would be great, i save them and we go back to them. Thank you.

[@leanneb9111]

As long as i didnt have an emotion or need and didnt bring any problem home i was ok. It took years to recognise my people pleasing and lack of boundaries. I treated myself badly for so many years ....overgiving and never expecting anything in return. I didnt feel worthy. I finally at the age of 57 woke up. I have had to lose people along the way. But im so much happier. Running on empty contributed greatly. Thank you

[@jasonfitzpatrick414]

I would mention mumbling a lot when in a stressful situation versus communicating. It makes me understand that my opinion didn't matter and that's why I mumble instead of expressing myself. Often times it is best to not get into arguments so I don't have to prove my unworthy self. I also think this is why I don't have any kids I don't know if I can take care of them, and that makes me sad.

[@fancynancymacy]

I was punished for having any voice at all. When I finally laughed and didn’t squelch the laugh, my father looked like he’s been slapped. My brother got enraged when I cried when he was acting like a martyr. And my mother threw a temper tantrum the first one I’ve ever seen when I showed the tiniest bit of normal emotion and did not squelch it.

[@Beren_Yildirim]

I wasn't forced to study business but I didn't get to study what I wanted. Because I don't even know what I really want. I'm 27 and I don't really know who I am and what I want to do with my life. There are a million things that I'm interested in and want to do with my life but can't just commit to one. Even my style changes significantly all the time. Are these all normal for someone who grew up with CEN? Because I don't know if I can go on like this. All I want is to get to know me and live MY life. Does anyone have any tips for rediscovering yourself?

[@sallyhouse4281]

I'm just starting out and discovering myself at 54yo after not really being myself up till now i look back and i don't see the person i was as really me like i got through life being someone completely different!

[@maharaz888]

I want... I feel... I need! How powerful. It feels a bit awkward 😬 thank you 🙏❣️

[@almondmilksoda]

I really appreciate your channel and content. I just have one bit of constructive criticism to share - while using headphones, your audio is focused only on the left side. It can be a debilitating listening experience (which is a shame, because your content is so important). Keep up the great work! Thank you 💛

[@user-pm3xi7qt5s]

Thank you Dr. Webb. I most definitely have CEN. Your videos are very helpful. It’s amazing how much we know about CEN today. I’m 69 and really started becoming aware of PTSD from childhood about 15 years ago. Slowly and I mean slowly I see changes coming. Knowledge, education, vocabulary; everything in this video I have experienced since childhood. I am so grateful to have a husband who continues to amaze me with his love. He doesn’t always understand. His own childhood was a “Leave it to Beaver”. We will celebrate 40 years this July. I will practice the activity you recommended with the three phrases. I use to not be able to say my favorite color :)!

[@SuperAtlantis1]

Damn, this spoke to me so hard. This is me.

[@davidwells999]

I want, I need wow I see as just another type of expression of loving yourself. Thanks so much for showing another facet of loving ourselves. Sigh wow.

[@astasna]

Where I am now, after a narcissitic relationship, and discovering my attachement style and trying to understand my childhood trauma and appreciate what it was, it is good to hear organized thoughts on this topic and it shows me I am on the right path to practice chosing what I want or like etc...

[@lindapotter1982]

One parent grew up with an abusive, alcoholic parent, the other was molested by a grandparent and not believed. Both did the best they could, and considering their experiences they did amazing. But maybe they over-corrected by not showing emotion. I often felt like the invisible child. Everyone else (my siblings) had things they were good at, but I was just good at being good, which meant that's what I tried to be and not do things that would get me negative attention. I'm just recognizing that the fruits of "being good" aren't all good.... Thank you Dr. Jonice!

[@cherylboyd7081]

I have felt like I haven't had a voice. I haven't known how to express needs or even hope for them to be met. Everyone else in my family has been made out to be more important than me. I didn't know what was wrong with me but I asked God and knows this is the reason now. So onwards with my journey. So glad I've came across you and will definitely be working on overcoming this with God's help.

[@bjorgmarteinsdottir6200]

Yes, I have had my voice taken away. Today I reject this curse. Taking steps to reclaim my voice. It is actually a gentle sweet voice, not the one screaming and snapping, in anger and resentment all to often.

[@briseboy]

In a family with siblings, and the parents neglect taking the form of completely avoiding any modeling of warmth, concern, valuing offspring's opinions, emotional cries for resolution of conflicts, or any atention at all, instead forcing them to parent themselves: The children become vulnerable to others, either innn extended family, dogmatic religious figures, and who have no feelings for a child's needs and validity as individual. This is my experience, and it creates and perpetuates a cold, callous culture. A culture where no mutual concern occurs is a horrible social distortion, and something like half of all of us both vote for its perpetuation and arm ourselves against those of our very community.

[@ShelleyTimmer]

I am so glad that I read your book and that you are now speaking about it on KZbin. I am certainly one that was affected in a very negative way with CEN as an adult. I didn't know that it what it was until I found your book. I thought I was being antireligious because my siblings didn't understand. But, when you grow up with 11 siblings there is bound to be neglect and for some reason my mother didn't like me very well and led to a lot of anger in my life. She was controlling and manipulative and I finally just didn't speak with her much. My sisters however think that I was the betrayer and I was not. I am writing a book about it and just getting started, but thankful for you Jonice! 😀

[@DrJoniceWebbphd]

I'm so sorry you had that experience. You deserve better and you can now give yourself what your family couldn't/can't.

[@ttsk]

I was emotionally neglected as a child. Im now emotionally neglected by my husband. Ive reached rhe point where i don't want to work on the marriage because my husband is not aware that there are any problems or just does a grand gesture once in a while to keep the marriage going. Im so glad I found your channel because it is giving me a voice that I've so needed.

[@Discovery_and_Change]

8:28 Say I want, I feel, I need, 3 times a day 10:09 Learn about assertiveness: expressing yourself and feelings 10:51 Pay attention to and value your feelings

[@bills.7175]

I love the paintings behind you on your wall, they are both equally fabulous. Whoever painted them is very talented. I’m also learning allot from you, thank you.

[@sarathompson252]

When you asked us to comment because you would love to know if this video helped us, I almost didn't... my first instinct was that you weren't talking about ME, because MY comment wouldn't matter... or even if I did comment, no one would care to read it and it would just get lost in the sea of other comments, so... what's the point? But then I was like... "OMG, I'M DOING IT AGAIN!!!" SO - here I am, leaving this comment to force myself away from that type of thinking and to start acting like my thoughts and feelings do matter as much as everyone else's, whether anyone reads my comment or not. :)

[@MB-gq2ej]

Look Forward, Walk Forward... repeat these words in my mind every breath I take, creates health Brain Cells to avoid looking at negativity... Thank you for such a great video Dr. Jonice 😊

[@archanasunil474]

This is so relatable. I always have problems but if someone asks anything i would simply say nothing. I am afraid to ask for small help from others i always think that it will be so selfish of me and it will cause disturbance to them.

[@sterry2141]

That part in my brain where I need words does not work anymore from my childhood: brought up by a mentally ill mother, and a social father who barely tolerated me. I want to add that some folk confuse secretiveness with coping; and some folk simply believe in "have a happy day" kind of caring.

[@thefiftyplusinfluencer499]

I'm 54 and only just coming to terms with this, I've sought professional help this year - wish I had known years ago, but better late than never.

[@lauraboyes6345]

Fabulous video - yes - I had my voice taken away. I have immense difficulty expressing my feelings. Many many thanks for being so explicit - practical and insistent on the importance of expressing our needs and explaining its fundamental importance to our wellbeing. Yes - I was told I was selfish by my mother - when I tried expressing what I wanted or needed. I learnt to not express my deepest feelings - or any feelings at all. It is a profoundly depressing realisation that I have been deprived of my essential self because of not just my parents but because of social and cultural ignorance. So thank you again for putting out such a clear directive to all of us.

[@claireodriscoll1856]

I have never expressed my needs in relationship. This leaded me to get depressed and loosing myself again and again. Not knowing what I want.

[@marthafeimster131]

So that's why I can't speak up. I grew up in a family who's communication was lots of arguing. I love my parents and am grateful for all they did for me and my 9 siblings "remarkablely we all come from the same mother and father. I am the 3rd girl but thought if I kept quiet I would not Rick the boat plus I just love peace. But as an older adult, I don't feel like I even learned how to communicate. Thanks for this insiteful knowledge because I really want to learn how to communicate. I just quit posting on Facebook because I feel fake .

[@Zaina-oe4ej]

Thank you, so much! I have had trouble finding someone who can help me definitively. Even the ones that made a good fit otherwise.

[@gerrywagemans2764]

Thank you, very grateful for having found your webcasts. I am on the spectrum and experienced CEN thus not only did i not have the tools to reach out, I also did not see any social signals that were put out to me, so I grew up lonely even into my late 30's when I met my wife. She had an emotional abusive childhood and also experienced no affection, so we were a prefect marriage, like the Titanic leaving port, we are now divorced and i am still coming to terms with the emotional neglect in my marriage

[@user-wx6gv9me7e]

As a Life Coach your videos have given me a great insight into my clients' childhood hurdles! Thank you!

[@user-mv5zp1ow4f]

When I was about 5 years old a neighbor asked me a question. My mom answered for me and the neighbor told my mom that she should let me answer.

[@michelecapriotti4412]

I’m loving these videos. TYSM

[@ProfessorBorax]

interesting how I need you was in the "positive feelings" category hahah, mind blown XD

[@iamjcsmit]

Thank you so much for this sound and helpful advice. It is much appreciated. But there is a caveat that I have experienced. Just because you express yourself does not mean you will be heard or find any resolution. No matter how much I express myself to my family or a work situation and no matter how eloquently or angrily I do it, my words are not always received and therefore there is not always a resolution. Now, to be fair, I think I am dealing with a family, and subsequent relationships, that are beyond emotional neglect. But I think it needs to understood that expressing yourself does not mean everything and everyone will fall in line because often times they don't which will stop someone with CEN from expressing themselves again. I don't want that. You have to learn to have no expectation for the outcome and pat yourself on the back anyways for expressing yourself, no matter the result. We do not live in a healthy world right now where we can readily and consistently get the support we need. It can take time. So some of us may have to learn to stand alone for a time until we heal our energy to attract people and circumstances into our life that will support us and that's okay. That's why people like Dr. Jonice and others like her are so vital for helping us through the tough parts. If anyone has a different view on this I would love to know about it. JC

[@sincerefaithfulness]

You are truly God-sent dr Jonice.. thank you so much for doing what God has put you on earth to do to help people like me and many others.❤

[@yvonnelesleybrigenshaw950]

Thanking you, you hit the nail on the head for me when you said about not wanting to cause trouble, rock the boat and so on. I'm beginning to feel much more confident about expressing myself now, and I won't be rude , I'm not a rude person but certainly forthright. Thank you again doctor Jonice.

[@Zaina-oe4ej]

This resonates. All of it.

[@user-rg4pj7dm3y]

So much of what you said resonates with me. I wasn’t really aware of it until more recently, and it still feels very overwhelming thinking about working on it. I am so used to not saying things, ignoring things, and keeping the peace that it’s scary to think about changing that. I also really struggle with determining my wants and needs and emotions. I’ve been trying to be more aware, but it’s so difficult after all this time of not doing it.

[@miltonmalone8647]

My voice was taken away for sure as a child, both parents were emotionally unavailable. I spent at least 3 months along with my younger sister living with my mother's sister due to my older sister's "health crisis" when I was in 6th grade. My mom came over one time during that time, but I did not get to speak with her, my aunt did tell me that she came by, it really upset me. After my sister and I came home, nothing was said, no welcome home, or sorry for what you had to go through being away or anything (not a word was spoken of what had happened to my sister) . I mentioned this event to my ailing oldest sister when I went to care for her a few years ago. She told my mother and my mom (about 86 at the time) and she told my sister that that never happened.

[@DrJoniceWebbphd]

That is a perfect example of CEN at its worst. It's a form of gaslighting when done to a child in this way. Please trust your own truth and work on healing the neglected child within you. You deserve it!

[@mosim9691]

Thank you, Dr. Webb - I did get alot out of this video! I am on my healing journey from Childood Emotional Neglect ("CEN").

[@lc5666]

I wish someone could show an actual dialogue of what it looks like to ruin the peace of the moment by bringing up problems that affect only me but require other people to change to make me happy, and somehow the dialogue turns out well in the end without permanent damage to the relationship. Because I can't even conceptualize what that would look like. Hearing that it's my responsibility to do this, and that I need to just do it doesn't help. It feels like someone telling me that i just need to go ahead and drink gasoline. I just would never, ever do this nor imagine it turning out well. Like, how does that not come across as "me, me, me"?

[@jessicashaw7143]

Thank you

[@mareboyd7786]

This is a major issue for me. Thank you for this knowledge and I will use it to work on healing myself.

[@saram5659]

Thank you for these quality videos! ❤

[@mendelfarkas6242]

i'm so Happy i discover your channel, every word is true and powerful. Thank You!!

[@dearchunwah]

I started being a fan of yours a few years ago, and now checking in after leaving for the time being...and WOW, I am glad you put out this one, and the one on helps with finding trained CEN therapists...it's about time for I spent years and tons of money seeing others who were not CEN trained. This video also touched on strong feelings that were out of touch, like saying "I love you," "I need you," and "I like you."

[@DrJoniceWebbphd]

Saying those words more often, even if you need to start it just in your own head and work toward saying them to others is very powerful.

[@llkellenba]

Yes my voice was definitely squelched early on. Though I kept opening my mouth and received some pretty harsh consequences. Emotional neglect was my childhood and adulthood. Terribly dysfunctional family. Addressing childhood trauma in therapy. The emotional connections are a major part of my growth and recovery. To express myself and feel like a valued authentic person is my intention.

[@DrJoniceWebbphd]

To find your voice and connect with yourself, sign up for my FREE CEN Breakthrough Series: bit.ly/cenchallenge5 Childhood Emotional Neglect can be subtle and invisible, so it can be difficult to know if you have it. To find out if grew up with CEN take the CEN Test It’s free: bit.ly/entest To learn more about how to become more self-aware and express yourself check out my bestselling book, Running on Empty, for just $10: bit.ly/runningonemptybook Find out more about Emotional Neglect at: www.emotionalneglect.com.

[@robertfielder115]

I was inthe process of ordering your book and other materials but lost the link. I seem unable to recover it. Where is the link to your offer located?

[@user-nx2hv8rf6v]

I relate so well to this. I lke the practical idea of setting a goal to say "I want' or 'I feel' or 'I need' several times a day. This in itself will be a big challenge for me.

[@solarwave]

Even saying those without filling in the blank is a good start for me. A layer of stress is removed.

[@terri2e]

Thanks for the practical ideas… yes, I often don’t even know how I feel or I can’t express it. The only thing is I live alone and I work from home. So who do I say I want, I feel, I need to? 😅 on the days I don’t see other humans, anyway?

[@DoveNative]

I took it that we are supposed to be saying this to ourselves, am I wrong??

[@niathomas6508]

Thank you for this video. And how you talk about this difficult subject and for the ways to resolve this level of trauma.

[@nattdana6943]

Tank you. Yes I was neglected emotionally. Family mebers both did negative stuff but also did not do the right ones. But anyway there should have been the right person there for me , a partner, that you do not need to explain things for. And I am sad that there was non. That must have existed good relatiinsheps back when we did not had that good vocabulary. Back i nature, savana. So I always feel the other persons energi. Because if My partner doing wrong to me, than he is wrong for me. There are things your partner should never do or cross the line. It does not have to take expaing for that. Sometimes I belive in relationshep that works for bouth even if they had bad background. But it is true that you need to express your feelings and ask for what you want amoung most of people in our society today.

[@giovannaaguilar8709]

Thank you so much Dr. Jonice Webb, your work has been extremely helpful & refreshing and it actually helped me realize what I have been struggling with for years. Thank you for giving me that lightbulb moment!!!

[@aiminbara7538]

You helped me to live free❤

[@andreasissons7766]

Thanks for the useful information and tools. It's been an ongoing journey for me the past 6 years unpeeling the layers as a result of growing up in a dysfunctional family and the long term harm of physical and verbal abuse but also emotional neglect. Looking forward to watching more videos.

[@kasiako355]

That resonated so much! I am very thankful I found your channel💖

[@AGirlwithherHelmet]

thank you so much Dr Jonice, your book kinda changed my life! im happy that I'm able to set healthy boundaries right now

[@dianabowen8774]

Thank-you will give it ago

[@querida1809]

Thank you Dr Jonice, I have subscribed for your videos. I have learned so may things and give it a name, thank you ❤❤❤

[@TranscendingTrauma]

Your videos are definitely helpful, thank you. Do you have a video or would you consider making one on breaking the compulsive habit of picking partners/friends, relationships that mirror the childhood neglect? I keep selecting emotionally unavailable or invalidating relationships and I seem blind to them until I finally see it which is usually when I have already entangled myself and then it’s harder to get out of.

[@munausama9484]

My voice has taking away by mom dad and siblings 😢,this video helps me a bit

[@linksmusiktv6523]

I'm going through therapy, 41 years later, and have only just realised that my voice was taken away, but I'm on that long journey to recovery

[@aprilmg7072]

Can't even enjoy the movie when it's my choice, because I'm too busy monitoring if they find it boring or dont like it.

[@Dianafaery77]

Exactly!

[@tammywoslager1557]

Amazing! Thank you!

[@m.2768]

Thanks

[@neurocosm]

This is huge. Thank you!

[@maryrsf]

Thank you!

[@carolebingham7262]

Hi Dr jonice I was never allowed to express myself have a voice personality opinion mind of my own wasn't allowed to choose my own clothes religion hairstyle I was denied a childhood all my misgivings were always thrown back in my face such as you wil always get it wrong

[@GratefulDeb270]

Thanks so much! ❤

[@annettebaergen448]

What about emotional neglect in marriage?

[@saram5659]

None of my friends tell me when I hurt them. Neither do I. Is this a thing people do? In which country? 😅

[@linx187]

I notice i always am trying to over explain what i mean so i dont upset the other person

[@moria9203]

Hello, you sent me a email of inquiry to know how best to understand me, and I was going to answer it but my malware program told me, the site was not safe. You might look into better protection for you website. Thanks for your material. Be well.

[@linx187]

How do i practice saying what i want if i dont know what i want?

[@deniseurdang3703]

there is no sound on this video!!! my computer is fine, where is the voice?

[@solarwave]

Apparently it was recorded in stereo but only into one channel (one side). Not sure how to remedy that for you though.

[@bfreeume]

Thank You. This helped immensely. I became a deep listener and unhealthy caretaker, until I burnt out. Deeply recovering my sense of self. 🩷