Emotional Neglect: Jumpstart Your Healing by Doing These 3 Things | Dr. Jonice Webb

[@jenniferpeeso7172]

Interesting timing. I’ve recently been lamenting that my family never asks how I am. Then I realized, I can ask others how they are but I don’t check in with myself. So I started an evening journaling practice where I ask myself these four questions- 1. How am i? 2. What am I feeling? 3. What do I need? 4. How can I help myself? Slowly but distinctly recognizing my feelings 🎉

[@ashfra3]

Thank you for sharing this. It helps to have set actions to follow in order to reconnect with feelings. I'm learning I am a Feeling being who Thinks but because of CEN I am a Thinking being learning how to feel in adulthood. It is confusing and difficult when for decades I have been ignoring and avoiding expressing my feelings to avoid others seeing how I feel, which is how I learned to cope in childhood.

[@BloomByCC]

😮

[@Allaboutbaby24]

Those are great prompts, I'm totally copying that idea! Thanks for sharing and cool that we're working on overcoming CEN💪

[@michellerjackson5776]

​@@BloomByCC❤

[@marybusch6182]

I love this list but I would add one more thing to it and that is what did I do today for me... exercising, meeting a good friend for lunch etc...Its not just other people who should have the satisfaction...

[@richardherron6768]

For the first time in my CEN life, I've gotten some concrete info on how to get past my problems. Both books helped me understand CEN, and yes there were some good tools in the books. But not enough for me to get past some of my problems. This video opened up one more tool for me - if I can manage once a day, checking on my feelings, maybe I can recover enough to start enjoying my life again. Not just living, but enjoying.

[@siana7152]

*not just living; but enjoying - yes.

[@debrawilson8049]

What books?

[@shoshannah3230]

​@@debrawilson8049 It might be the 2 books about CEN written by Dr Jonice Webb. One is called Running On Empty. I don't remember the name of the other one.

[@lizgatton9143]

Running on Empty and Running on Empty No More.

[@BloomByCC]

1) learn all you can about CEN (this will validate your experience). 2) Change your relationship with your emotions, start to be curious about your feelings (they are a gift, your bodies way of communicating with your brain❤) 3) Deliberately pay attention to your feelings! Three times a day, pause and ask yourself, what am i feeling right now? ******†****** THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU SO SO MUCH!!! Your videos have given me an AHA! Moment in my life! I just DID NOT KNOW that emotions were so so important and I've been in therapy and 12 step programs for decades! I started using a feeling check in app the times a day and it's so amazing... I use How We Feel, wow. After just a few days, I find myself checking in on my and others emotions more often, just acknowledging how I feel helps honor them. ❤❤❤

[@horstwalde73]

😀 Thank you

[@rosej5029]

Thank you.

[@ToBeBe123]

Thank you! May I ask the name of the app?

[@BloomByCC]

@@ToBeBe123 "how we feel" is the App I use ..

[@cfjohnson7369]

When I was in school, I divided things up ... if I did well on a test, I would celebrate (quietly). At home, I would say nothing. Any emotions (positive or negative) were dangerous at home.

[@uraniidumbra5219]

Holy wow, even just starting to try this method for the first time, I can feel my eternally tense jaw start to unclench and my shoulders start to drop. You're on to something here.

[@kaitlananderson4302]

Could you do a video about how childhood emotional neglected could impact self confidence as an adult? Specifically how the lack of early and accurate childhood mirroring hinders the development of a secure sense of self and confidence in ones abilities. Thank you so much for your very important content.

[@lorrierunnals140]

Yes! I too, would love a video on that subject.

[@ToddWight]

Totally agree with this. My sense having worked through a chunk of this is that, without our emotions, who are we? Without being connected to them, we don't really develop a sense of self, or if we do, it is a very negative one - something that makes us vulnerable to looking to outside authority figures who can more easily manipulate us.

[@detayl13]

I remember growing up and as a young adult not knowing how I was supposed to feel in certain situations. It was odd not knowing how to feel.

[@Discovery_and_Change]

0:58 We have a wall we built in childhood to block emotions 1:25 As adults, we don't need the wall 1:33 It blocks our energy, motivation, direction, guidance, connection 1:58 Feelings carry messages. They are physical and you're meant to feel/experience them 4:13 Learn to listen to your feelings and use them 5:26 #1 Learn all you can about childhood emotional neglect 7:07 #2 Change your relationship with your emotions (don't view them as bad or avoid them) 9:00 Be curious about (interested in) your feelings 9:37 #3 Start paying attention to your feelings, at least 3 times a day

[@vickyhut]

I happened onto your account and finally feel like I figured out what is “wrong “ with me.. so thankful for finding your work.. have both your books and reading them now! Feel like I went from living in pastel colours to seeing everything in bold colour.. having feelings of pure relief!! It is Exactly as you say.. it’s not what happened it’s what didn’t happen 💖💖

[@dianabowen8774]

Discovered a trauma from childhood being startled by my front door opening feeling sheer terror throughout my whole body like an electric shock.then feeling anger so after inquiring where this might of come from I had a flashback to my scary father and his temper.i acknowledged this as a memory and the surge of panic left my body and I felt alone more calmed down and present in myself. It really feels like healing intrusive thoughts with those reactive states.

[@Discovery_and_Change]

Did you recall that in sleep? Meditation?

[@ginnywalker184]

Interesting what you shared today; I've been doing something very similar to this since I was quite young and felt I needed to put words to define my stress. Not too many years ago, a co-worker made some unkind comment about what I feeling (don't remember the exact circumstances) , but I do remember what I told her, and that was "they are my feelings and I'm entitled to them." That put an end to the criticism I was receiving for how I was feeling. I'm very thankful that you have put a definition to what I've experienced in my life and I thank you for that.

[@DrJoniceWebbphd]

Way to be assertive! I'm so glad you find my work helpful :)

[@juliet8678]

Good for you! Coworker was clearly gaslighting you.

[@carolknapp5886]

I am 79 years old and have at least 15 out of 20 of the symptoms. I have been to therapists over the years and it always helped a little because someone talked to me and listened to me. I don’t remember adults talking to me as a child even when I was in school. We moved every year so I didn’t make close friends. I thought I had something. Really wrong with me, no one asked how I was and I don’t know how I am, depression was with me most of my life. Sometimes I would have a week or two when I felt normal. My mom was a nice person but I never knew where she was. I never learned to ask questions. Didn’t know it was an option. Thank you for the information. When I first discover you and realize that other people had these problems, I felt better immediately !! It was good to know I wasn’t the only one, but now I struggle trying to figure out what I’m feeling. All these years wow, I have 3 children and grandchildren that love me and I see that I made some of the same mistakes with them. I was more present and involved with them . Anyway, thank you! I wish I knew about this sooner! Carol Knapp

[@capngrace84]

I feel like you just gave me the recipe for the nourishment I've been looking for, but unable to describe, for my whole life. Thank you so much

[@BloomByCC]

Written so eloquently ❤

[@Ken-ki]

I'm a highly sensitive person and I think I suffered childhood emotional neglect to some degree; I've meditating since I was 15 and it helped me to get in touch with my inner self again and gain self knowledge. However it was my first relationship that kickstarted my healing process, I learned to be ok with expressing my feelings and crying, my ex suffered from anxiety and low self esteem and it was painful to see her go that way, it made me start reflecting on my own relationship with myself and how destructive some thought processes can be. It's been 10 years since we broke up and the journey hasn't been easy but after listening to your video I realize how far I've come on my healing journey and it gives me strength to keep pushing. Now my problem is more with others, mainly I don't feel the need to socialize and avoid it as much as I can, I feel disconnected and apart from others as if I were an alien, and I feel as if I'm condemned to be single for the rest of my life because I have the impression women don't even look at me. I consider myself average looking, I train every day and I practice arts and philosophy on my free time, so I know it's not that I don't have anything going on for me; any suggestions to help me reconnect with others, and most importantly to have a romantic life?

[@aml8760]

Look into attachment styles

[@kathleenpatel1475]

When I tapped in I found stress and hypervigilance and derrogatory messages to myself about what was going on, and my mind thought I was relaxing. I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Very interesting!

[@roxanekalmus1483]

Thank you very much for the helpful videos you give us. If I may give a bit of advice on the audio : I noticed the audio of your last few videos is only ever on the left side (left "channel") and it is a bit of a problem if someone watches them with headphones/left and right speakers. This is a common problem and it's pretty easy to fix : check your mic settings (or camera recording settings, depending on what you use to film) to see if it is set on "stereo" recording. If it is, set it on "mono" (or "1 channel") recording. The reason being that you presumably have only one mic and the stereo recording setting is made for multiple mics. So right now the info is only being sent on the left, instead of being dispatched to both sides like it should. Hope this helps !

[@sallybrady1074]

One thing I always wondered about is why I can go from 0 to 100 on the anger scale in a minute or two. Realize I have buried my childhood anger but it erupts for the smallest of reasons. Then of course I feel guilt for screaming at my husband who looks bewildered. Just found your videos today so am extremely grateful to have some tools. Also, I was looking for the questionnaire re ECN but can’t seem to find it.

[@pibly7784]

I have this EXACT reaction to my mom when I see her and we disagree.

[@jasonfitzpatrick414]

I've noticed lots of people in our society are on the angry in one second pathway. It doesn't take much to make us mad. We obviously have a cultural issue plaguing us. Overweight women seem to be people with short tempers also, I'm being serious, I think they are eating to deal with their emotions.

[@1timeslime971]

I am mentally whacked out….most people In my life have told me I’m too this, or too that. I’m an HSP. Truth is so very important to me. The bad thing is, is that along with being HSP, I’m an extrovert, and was abandoned by my mom @17, and dad left when I was 7! With menopause, I’ve been dealing with emotional disregualtion. The depression is horrific, cause I hate myself…well my entire life I’ve been told how horrible I am, but I feel like I love Jesus, I’m a devout follower of The Lord, how can this be happening to me….I question reality, what is reality.

[@cherylboyd7081]

Jesus loves us unconditionally. I'm a Christian and was born again when I was 29. Do you read the bible or go to a Christian church or fellowship? We do still need healing after coming to Christ but the holy spirit can guide you in that. It's important to read the bible as it is truth and to be around other Christians who can help us.

[@1timeslime971]

@@cherylboyd7081 oh yes!!! I’m a born again believer>thank you for asking tho. Back in 2021, I moved away from my church family of 22 years where I served in several ministries, attended weekly women’s Bible study, etc etc. My husband and I found a new church and have begun to develop new relationships in our new town. I mentioned in my original post that I’m a devout believer/follower/child of God, redeemed by Jesus, saved by His grace. The Holy Spirit came to me in 1999! It’s an amazing testimony actually…but the depression I have is a physical disease, caused by Lyme disease; depression isn’t something people can fix like you cannot self Will cancer to go away. Only with depression there’s no tumor to remove. I’m allergic to MOST big pharma anti-depressants. The long winters here in PACNW are tough. Vitamin D does wonders more than any big pharma drug. But to YOUR point; staying in His word and dialogue with Him is essential, which I’m certainly not short of prayer; I’m guilty of neglecting daily Bible reading….I realize I shouldn’t have said I hate myself> that was a bad day when I said that. Thanks for reply

[@errorforever8404]

Thank you so much for making these videos. I really didn't have any idea about what an emotional neglect is until finally decided to research about what's wrong with me. I often feel like I don't relate to my family members. Even when I am with them i somehow distance myself from them without even realise that I did, which was really an shocking for me because the family is supposed to be there for you whenever you are in need of them and I was blaming myself for not having my family members to support me whenever I needed them to. Because I was distancing myself from them without my knowledge. Being aware of this is because of the emotional neglect I feel relieved from the stress that I was having. I will make great efforts to understand more about this and do whatever I can to break that wall between me and my feelings. So that finally I can face what really it is and learn to manage them to live a happy, fulfilled life❤.

[@Partyplaylistmdp]

Thank you for sharing this information! I think the hardest part is thinking there was some wrong with me for decades and then finding out it was all due to emotional neglect. Now to break down those walls!

[@aiminbara7538]

I am one of the person you with your work change my life and the relationship with my son and husband. I apreciate you too much. You are the mom I always wanted. You are my mon😊❤. All your words validate my heart.

[@sechale]

This is brilliant. I have an ACE score of 9/10 and always thought cen was the most benign. Now I’m seeing it’s essential!!

[@archanasunil474]

Maam could you please make a video on what are the emotions and how can you identify each one of them🙂

[@Paula-wk2cl]

The other sad thing about being emotional neglected is that we’re going to replicate this behavior with our kids…I feel I couldn’t show my real feelings for them. I noticed that they didn’t noticed my love for them or maybe I really couldn’t show my love for them as I should and as they are growing up it looks like wherever I do to show my love it’s never enough.

[@joywilliams4014]

It’s very sad…I can relate 😢

[@randallkerth9155]

I like the idea of closing my eyes while I'm driving.😲

[@ThisWomansBrain]

Thank you for helping me identify what I have not been able to figure out about myself. In watching your videos over the past several days, I finally feel understood and am starting to understand myself.

[@Ryan-rd5ol]

There’s actually an app that will send a notification and asks you how you’re feeling and then you can choose from a lot of them

[@kiwibrenda]

I have that app and it is indeed helpful. It's called How We Feel. In explaining what made me feel a certain way, I find it sharpens my emotional awareness. I write, I edit what I've written, I re-think things, and I come up with a very helpful summary which always teaches me something. I'm learning a lot from coupling Jonice's wisdom with that great app!

[@sonukr2008]

Hey there, I've been reading and learning about childhood emotional neglect for a while now. But your book and the detailed stories in it really opened my eyes. It took me over 33 years to figure out what was wrong with me and why I always felt empty inside, always looking for validation and affection from others. I'm working on healing now, and your book and videos are a huge help.

[@beatsg]

I think this a very "feeling type" perspective and approach to healing. I'm primarily a cognitive type in terms of triad of intelligence (feeling, head, instinct aka the ennneagram). Does anyone have any good mental types in terms of healing approaches? I'm come across Tim Fletcher and it really resonates. He lists all the characteristices of childhood neglect and I feel it. I'm just starting out with him (on youtube) and he spoke about Jonice, which is how I found her. I really really want to progress, and I want to do it in a way that makes sense to me and is effective and gets to the very bottom of the trauma. I want to be healed. Does anyone else relate? I'd love to hear of any resources you have to share or people you might know to help.

[@enolacartercameron]

I totally relate, I’m more on the cognitive side too. Maybe Dr. K from Healthy Gamer GG could have some helpful content for you? His, I believe, most recent viewer interview is what first made me connect the dots between my day to day struggles and childhood neglect, literally just a few hours ago. I wish you all the best on your healing journey!

[@beatsg]

@@enolacartercameron oh wow! Thank you so much. I'll check that out!

[@criley49]

What should you do if your emotion is disappointment and sadness over something you can’t change?

[@CharlieBass5]

I have learned that all change comes from within. I've gotten past or stuffed most painful feelings and now I'm dealing with frustration and anger at myself, along with an attitude of avoidance and why bother. I know it is said that people my age can recover but I don't know. I have a lot of fear and incompletes in my life. I'm the one that must fix me but I just don't see it happening.

[@cariocasarda]

I refuge my emotions on horror or true crime videos, I can't have feelings, I'm alone and can't allow myself to feel... But my children are becoming like me, and I need help I don't want them to suffer like I did. My 14yo had build a wall so strong because of me 😭 My baby it's emotionless... My 11yo it's a angry bomb.. my 7yo get startled when I snap😭 I will try miss I want my babies back they need me and I need them. I don't want they to suffer because of me again.

[@Daimo83]

Great introduction. Succinct four minutes. I wish I could believe that asking myself what I feel could work but the answer every time is just: 'tired' and 'nothing'.

[@georgefairfield7519]

Thank you Dr Webb! This form of consciousness is so helpful.

[@no_more_free_nicks]

Thank you, the contact with my feelings is the most important thing in my life right now.

[@shobhasingh3059]

Your work is amazing 🤩

[@Godsdaughter-PraisetheKing]

what if my emotional neglect was also paired with emotionally neglecting myself because i was taught to please my parents needs over mine so now i don’t focus on my needs ever or what i feel, i get hyper focused on everyone else around me and how i can make them feel better. how do i stop it? i can’t afford therapy rn. help. and i feel like idek who to talk to in my life to start processing this out because i feel like a burden at this point because i’ve been leaning on the same people for years that aren’t my family and my family is not healthy to go to. sos

[@Di-ty9st]

I didn't know that I had experienced this until recently, but through a good conversation with a therapist I actually discovered that I had been hiding this away all these years. I have serious mental health issues (and physically) (burnout) for years now, but since this has come to light I feel really really bad.. like internal vibrations, severe stomach pain, nausea, etc. is this normal? I'm also so confused that I remember a lot of things from the past but almost nothing from beiing home and things what happend there. I'm constantly working on it now in my head... I hope this is normal and things will get better eventually. Good to see this kind of videos tho ❤️

[@irascib1e]

Thank you for your videos. I feel inspired! (See what I did there? 😉) I'm looking forward to learning how to self parent. I might even legally adopt myself! 😂

[@angelahutton9494]

I love the idea of legally adopting one's self ! I am 1,000 times better at parenting than my parents were able to be to me.

[@irascib1e]

@@angelahutton9494 It sounds like your childhood was rough :( Your inner child deserves to have you as a parent.

[@JackSlaughter-p7t]

I love that can now put a label to my basic problems. I am struggling to make an impactful change to move forward tho.

[@09JoanneCC]

Basically, I feel detached from any emotions. I know I should feel a certain way in certain situations and I can express the feeling verbally but I don't actually FEEL it.

[@randomnezzz]

The feeling of detachment is really strange and makes me feel really defective and alone. I hear you, I don't always feel the feeling I'm supposed to and this is frustrating to others.

[@hadisehshr5241]

And i don't feel anything at all sometimes.

[@suzannepuma9774]

Thank you for this video - For me the challenge is not that I have a wall or cant feel my feelings, its the opposite I get overwhelmed by them because of the intensity and tend to disconnect/dissociate and find it difficult to want to take responsibility for them. I still feel like a child who needs someone else to tend to them.

[@sandragrant2893]

Suzanne, perhaps have a look at dialectical behavioural therapy (DBT) which can be very helpful in learning emotional regulation skills, and lots more...

[@suzannepuma9774]

@@sandragrant2893 thank you very much for recommending DBT!

[@PhoebeK]

This vedio has given me things to consider in how to conect with myself and descover my emotions. I know there was emotonal neglect in my past but dealing with it is complicated by the fact I am autistic (adult diagnosed) and like many in the comunity have alexaphimia. It would be realy helpful for there to be more descutions on the subject of emotional neglect but which also delt with the extra chalanges in recognising this and processing the redescoveted feelings faced by the autistic community as many of us have to choose between supressing feelings and meltdowns as letting any feelings out can become a tsunami of emotion which is uncontrollable.

[@rarfaj6303]

Dear Dr. Jonice ❤ Thank you for your work and sharing it with us.. Godsend!

[@dianabowen8774]

OK I'm going to give it a go!Thank-you for supporting this painful process ❤

[@NKRAIEM]

Thank you. Helpful

[@DrJoniceWebbphd]

Discover how to recognize emotions, find your voice, and connect with yourself in my FREE CEN Breakthrough Series: bit.ly/cenchallenge10 To find out if you grew up with Childhood Emotional Neglect, take the Emotional Neglect Test, it’s free: bit.ly/entest To learn much more about how to gain the skills you missed due to Childhood Emotional Neglect, check out my bestselling book, Running on Empty, for just $10: bit.ly/runningonemptybook Find out more about Emotional Neglect at: www.emotionalneglect.com.

[@avertingapathy3052]

Thank you for a conrete set of steps. I think I've suppressed myself further after a really stressful event despite making efforts to check in with myself prior.

[@harriet4451]

Thank you. Just the bit of encouragement I needed to keep on chipping at the wall.

[@PilgrimHymns]

I've learned recently that sometimes a person who can't understand others' feelings may be on the autism spectrum. If this is true, will your suggestions still work?

[@CharlieBass5]

Feelings in as you say, belly and chest was so long ago.

[@emilyfawn]

Thank you for these action items, it helps feeling the feelings feel less overwhelming! I've got Brene Brown's book Atlas of the Heart and I've found that super helpful for discerning my emotions. Relearning takes time and I look forward to the journey ( :

[@lisamulcahy141]

I feel lots of things in my body, I don’t know how to interpret those feelings. Lump in my throat, churning stomach, my heart hurts, palpitating,, all I want to do is cry!

[@judy1879]

Thank you ⚘

[@rosyloveslearning3013]

Thank you. ❤❤❤

[@mpetry912]

helpful steps thank you Dr Jonice !

[@theaesajas7418]

this is lifechanging for me thanks so much

[@mik7062]

Thanks Dr. Webb

[@DrJoniceWebbphd]

You are very welcome!

[@debrawilson8049]

Could you work on the sound. Its crackle and not loud enough

[@Anchanna]

Can I have cen when I was physically and emotionally abused for more than a decade by my mother ?

[@m.bakker3998]

Thank you for starting making videos! I waited a long time for that ☺️. Good luck!!

[@miriamcedillo4431]

Thank you Dr.

[@GratefulDeb270]

Thank you! ❤

[@gshilps]

Thank you Ma’m.

[@angieflowe3925]

I get nothing every time I ask myself this question. So if you ask yourself this 2 or 3 times a day just going about your normal activities what would be some feelings you might feel? I’m feeling happy right now or sad or angry etc??

[@yvonnelesleybrigenshaw950]

I feel great sadness which I recognise experiencing when I was about four years old, I thought that perhaps the protective wall was still up but maybe not, this could be the new beginning for me as I feel it like it was only yesterday but no it's over sixty years ago so now it's time for a fresh start in life. Thank you doctor Jonice. Warm regards, Yvonne

[@carolebingham7262]

I am feeling things that my mother looked on as wrong and this was sex it was something not talked about she never told me anything about romantic love absolutley nothing so when I feel orgasmic or excited about a certain person or piece of music I feel like there is something abnormal about me

[@jasonfitzpatrick414]

I can not deal with stressful situations. Or conflict. I have left many jobs because of it. It is hampering my success. And I certainly don't want to be one of the A-type people who just push through success while being a jerk.

[@rescue4lifeAB]

Do you work with men on this too?

[@deniseurdang3703]

no. sound

[@curtaincowboy]

Mom Liked My Twin Sister Better.

[@fredericklegrande4564]

I am so fucking angry

[@pibly7784]

Sign up for her free course then. ❤

[@paigeschultz6951]

⁠​⁠@@pibly7784 The book Freedom Factor is life changing and helps with forgiving the people who neglected and hurt you in life. This was life changing for me.

[@mik7062]

Thanks Dr. Webb