Enneagram: Type 1 Checklist

Transformational Enneagram & Relationship Coaching
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Dr. Tom LaHue is a graduate of Florida Christian College. He holds 3 Master's Degrees including an MDiv from Liberty Univ. His Doctoral degree is from Grace College and Seminary. He is also a certified Marriage Coach. He and his wife Traci have been married since 1991. They are the proud parents of 5 children and 5 grandchildren.
#enneagram, EnneagramTypes, CliftonStrengthsFinder, PersonalityAssessment, self-discovery, Strengths-Based Development, Understanding Personality, Personal Growth, Enneagram Test Results, Unlock Your Potential, Mindfulness, SelfAwareness, SelfImprovement, LifeCoach, UnlockPotential, Motivation, strength, Relationships, love, soulmate, self-love, love yourself, intimacy, emotional connections, dating, communication, healthy relationships, true love, power of love, relationships, marriage, love language, love quotes, love tips, love and happiness, trust, love and relationships, love advice, unconditional love, happy, love, Myers-Briggs,

[@conniearnold5742]

The word “and” has helped me so much this year as a one. Add it anywhere… all this needs to be done AND I’m going to do this self care fun thing; I made all these mistakes AND I’m human; this person was critical AND they love and appreciate me; I didn’t get everything done on my list today AND I got some things done AND I was present AND I put someone else’s needs ahead of my to do list; I made that mistake AND it’s not a big deal, we all make mistakes AND i can forgive myself and accept forgiveness; etc.

[@christine.harg.]

You nailed it. I kept cringing and laughing because it's so me. Thank you for what you are doing.

[@SweeterThanHany]

Hi Dr.Lahue! We had a consult early last year in 2020 and the very first thing you told me was that you believed I was a type 1. I was so resistant to the idea that I could be one that I insisted I must be a self preservation 3. Well, jokes on me because a year & a half later I have finally accepted my oneness and your videos have helped me do that tremendously. Thank you for making content like this that really tugs at the heart strings and allows us to see ourselves more clearly. You have been key in helping me grow into myself.

[@LovetwoJDCs]

Welcome back, Dr. Tom! How we’ve missed you. 🙂

[@aaramse4329]

Thank you so much for this vid Tom. I now understand how I always felt in my childhood: like: I can do WHATEVER I do - it will NEVER!!! be good enough. Nor even be worthy of being seen and cherished.

[@nataliemariewinkels]

Thank you for sharing this, I found you through the meditation series. Thank you.

[@kellybadea5315]

Thank you Tom!! Love your videos! So so helpful! I’m a 9 and my husband is a 1. This is so very helpful in understanding him. We have 3 kids and helps me understand his parenting bent/angel. I adore him and appreciate his “oneness”. There were some hard parenting years but now I know why. I would wish he would just be more of a 7 snd have fun. So thankful for our personal relationships withChrist…showing us where we need change, for all of us! Not pointing the finger. I think you’re right about 1’s possibly being a 7 as a child. I’ll need to ask my husbands sisters about that😂 Thank you again!

[@LisaCapron]

1w2…. And dude, I didn’t expect to get attacked like this before I’ve even had my breakfast!! 🤣 yes, this childhood story completely describes me. On the plus side, I used to win therapy every week when my therapist would say “your mother said WHAT!?!” I’m working VERY hard on reconnecting with my inner seven at least some of the time.

[@andrewwabik5125]

No one wins therapy except the therapist who bills your insurance :(

[@mel-tp5hi]

Hi from a fellow 1w2! 😅Working on my people-pleasing tendancies at the moment.

[@Zimoria]

I see, I pull from my 9 wing the ability to push down emotions, disappear, set aside myself so I can do the right thing all the time. I see, I pull from my 2 wing caring for others, giving myself more to do on the ever growing checklist. I need to work on my line to 4, looking at my Self. Who am I when I am by myself. Allow myself time to be my Self. I need to work on my line to 7, enjoying life and be less anxious, do the things that make me happy. Ultimately giving myself time to celebrate who I am and share that with others. Thank you Tom 🙂 I'll try

[@Zimoria]

After thinking some more, Willingly working on my line to 4 would mean I could find comfort in my Self, understanding and enjoying who I am now instead of trying to change/reform all the time, and rather than falling to 4 in unhealth and try to reform myself, harshly of course because of the harsh inner critic already there but also harsh because of what got me falling there. Then working on my line to 7 could be more like using my powers of reformation to change a situation for the fun-sies some times, for change things because I just want to (not necessarily for the better). Life is too short not to make (most) each moment a party.

[@nathaliemares5632]

The description of your brother and his basement 🤣 makes me laugh out loud and cringe at the same time...it's so me 😳

[@VV-ik7sy]

I am an sx/sp 1, and I appreciated this video! I can take general feedback/criticism (I even like it), the only time I get super triggered by criticism is when it’s aimed at my intentions-or if I ASSUME it’s aimed at my intentions. I totally saw myself in your brother when you asked him if he ever got around to working on the basement. We have this need to prove to ourselves that we’re not lazy. So if someone called out a project I “haven’t gotten around to” it does feel like-oh shit, I said I was going to do this, why didn’t I do this? I simultaneously get angry at myself and the other person-like don’t you see how much I’m doing already? Why are you pointing out what I’m not doing? And I immediately have to justify to myself why I didn’t get around to it yet to soothe the inner critic.

[@abbeycrouse3020]

This is the MOST helpful video I’ve ever listened to. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!

[@aaramse4329]

Quite right. People give up. They even leave job-situations w/ ones at times!

[@kcl7864]

Hi Tom. Glad to see you back. Cheers from France !

[@psychsephone9832]

Glad to see you upload videos again! Your enneagram videos are always the most in depth (very satisfying to a 5 like me)

[@PaulHarrisonVideos]

“If you want to know how you suck, ask a One” 😂😂😂

[@trustyourself-ashleyching3646]

Relieved to see you back! Hope you're holding up alright. Cool to watch this, because my guy is actually a rare male 2 (in denial) with a strong 1 wing. It's so interesting to me that he looks more like a 1 in behavior because of his 2 sp instinct. In the same way, I act like a 4, bc I am a 3 sx.

[@Yoyoyo224]

I love this guy He illustrates type 1s brilliantly

[@angeldela7633]

Can totally relate to remembering a more 7 me as a child. I look at old pictures of myself as a kid grinning at the camera and being intentionally silly and poking at my siblings, the memories and I wonder how what happened. Though I know deep down it's still there and I can appreciate those creative and persistent enough to get me out of my head now and then and move me back to my child heart. Personally I had a very critical 8 mother, who sucked the soul and joy out of everything. Being happy and following joy became a liability so I had to control myself as not to be hurt. Although I'd never say she had any claim on good or right, and I only adhered to avoid pain, not to be a "good girl" in her eyes... I certainly have developed my own strong sense of good and bad and am strongly inclined towards that. I have an internal critic judging me and everyone else and a very a lyrical brain, probe to critique in general but ironically because I think that's wrong to tell others it's not a distaste I express outwardly to anybody unless it builds. It still weighs on me never feeling satisfied with me. I think most would think I was a nine as I come off quite chill. My internal world is filled with anxiety though and a desire to control. I didn't have much control before.

[@afafnj]

Hits home

[@gesab18]

Yeah. I really wish i could loosen up a little bit and be more gentle with myself and others. Thanks Dr. Tom!

[@sisterrabbit9115]

My mother is a 1 w 2...the bar is very, very high. Highlights of our relationship (for me) are the moments when I meet and exceed her expectations.

[@VV-ik7sy]

I will say I have an 8 month old daughter and I’m a 1w2. I of course want my daughter to be a compassionate human, but besides that I don’t have any specific expectations. I never want her to feel like she’s not loved for exactly who she is, and I’m so sorry if you ever felt that way. I’m so glad I learned about the enneagram before becoming a mom.

[@heatherstreasurehunt]

In terms of the policy manual and following the manual part I think it just goes back to the ones ability to see what is wrong. So if I look at a policy and see a better way to do it, then I would want to do it the better way to be more efficient.

[@FinancialBob]

Thank you so much for sharing. I’m definitely that guy who has a hard time relaxing but on occasion can find that line to 7 especially then I’m camping and disconnected from the world. I just need to find my connection to 7 in my daily life. As a believer in Christ I want to represent Him in all that I do and standing my ground as a staunch 1 fails miserably at this task.

[@sonoftherighthand1843]

You said, "My good is the 'goodest' good"....... "Goodest" isn't a word. It is "My good is the 'best good" What are you talkin about? I'm not a one. Nope not me. LOL. All jokes aside so much of this is right on point.

[@MrFireman164]

Lol, I have a one wing, the old crotchety impression at the end was funny, like a scene from grumpy old men.

[@acvenard]

After listening to this...golly, it doesn't sound like there is anything good about me. It just reinforces how I don't want to be me. Thanks.

[@rususumi]

I worked in youth min for 8 years. It drove me crazy how much people claimed “we love young people”. Uh-huh… Made me laugh out loud to see your reenactment

[@jeffkelly6729]

Dr. Tom, I feel as if you are talking right to me. How weird is that? It's like you know me. I'm such a 1. 😂

[@kukridude5326]

Glad you are back Dr. Tom! Thanks for this teaching. Trying to figure out my "One-ness"

[@sassarific]

Yay thank you for the new video Dr.! Is it worthwhile to watch 1 videos if I'm a 9W1?

[@SpiderDiscord]

4 here - with a strong pull towards 1'ness.

[@ry2456]

I am a six. I have a LOT of 1 traits. Haha, both types need to learn to RELAX😜

[@ErinGaray]

I would prefer this…. Sooo great!! Such a helpful video! Thank you! 🙏

[@margaretjudice8944]

Great advice! I like the suggestion of saying I would prefer.

[@candaceheidenrich6278]

Parking lot at gym! Too far to walk to the treadmill. Hah! You are so funny! Love the name Chester and his car radio….

[@amandadosis5121]

Your backkkk yay !! 😁

[@n3dilan]

Love your videos! Thank you!

[@sandracosta3845]

Hi! Could you do a video on the differences between 1w2 and 2w1, and so forth?

[@Stonekross]

I am a 1 with a 9 wing . I was introduced to the Enneagram from my Twin Brother a 4 with a 3 wing and his wife a 4 with a 5 wing. They are both certified Teachers in the Enneagram. They have been into the Enneagram working on now close to 26 years. I am glad to see in the comments that your videos have helped them out with their "Oneness". I hate to say this........but the video is a touch insulting.....you managed to turn the 1 into a caricature. I will admit the level of rules and harshness out of 1 can be insane and near impossible to deal with. But the part that was insulting was every complaint that you used as an example for the 1 to blow up on were insane. They were some of the most inane, petty, and insignificant rules that I have ever heard. I get it that 1s can complain and complain often. But the hill a 1 is going to die on is not going to consist of what side the forks go on when they are being put away. You made 1s seem really pathetic and nit picky. I have known a few 1s other than just myself and one thing that I have noticed was the wisdom of the 1 and also more importantly being able to read people within a few minutes. Your example makes it look like all we do is complain into the wind totally oblivious to others or their needs. Last note: I noticed that your advice for the 1 is to be more like a child and to be more like a 7. I think you may have a bias to want to lean into giving advice to be more like your 7 type. Through the decades my brother has helped me to gain introspection into myself and who I am and for that I thank him. He is truly wise beyond his years and I wouldnt be the man I am today without him. But never was I ever given the advice to be more like a child. the byproduct of youth and children is ignorance. I agree losing up can help one out.......you should re watch your video again now that sometime has passed. The video seriously makes 1s out to be crazy, complaining old people who wake up in the morning to complain.............if that were true I wonder why throughout my life so many friends, family, and co workers have asked me for advice. its either because they want to hear me complain....or its because of my stern eye and judgement on myself has given me wisdom about the world around me and have to thrive in this world. I didnt proof read this so I am sure there are mistakes.....I wish you all of the best.......btw the best book on the enneagram is "The Wisdom of the Enneagram" by Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson (especially if you have a 4 in your life.) and if you are looking for enneagram certification definitely try out the institute which is listed below. I am not endorsed or paid by any of the people or business I just mentioned. I just know those teachers of the Enneagram are super strong with their teaching techniques and the institute transformed my Twin into the most insightful and present person I have ever known. Which growing up with a 4 and their childhood.....as a child he was completely miserable and loved dragging people down to his level. thank god that version of my brother died a long long time ago. have fun and be safe. www.enneagraminstitute.com/rheti

[@realSimoneCherie]

23:00 this PSA is so important

[@lesliejackson9929]

What does a 1 with balanced wings look like.

[@twlahue]

Ah the perfect balance of peace and understanding with love and kindness...

[@amymills7223]

Hi Dr. Tom Lahue, I really like your videos and find them relatable and fun. I especially appreciated this very personal take on what it's like for another (7) to be in relationship with a type 1! I have definitely given up on the types ones in my life for exactly the reasons you state- impossible to please and difficult to be around- and very harsh. Also, as Suzanne Stabile likes to emphasize, ones, are almost never angry about what they're angry about. The straw that broke the camel's back on one of my relationships was with a family member who was complaining that she had to click too many times to get into a Zoom call- huh? So that was our last Zoom call, lol.

[@isa-manuelaalbrecht2951]

Cool conterpart 7..never heared this..greetings from 5/6 type but female...😁😆😊

[@vlverm7096]

So this is what you've been up to ... I'm guessing you are gonna go from 1 through 9 the next couple months ... looking forward to it

[@vunguyentr5561]

Looking forward type 5 checklist=))))

[@0_fksgvn955]

It's so goddamn exhausting

[@physpro2000]

I am a 5w6 and my son is a 1w9. I noticed you mentioned that your dad is a 5w6 and your brother is a 1w9. I am wondering how your dad's relationship was with your brother. If you can add some information that would be great.

[@VV-ik7sy]

I’m a 1w2 infj with a very unhealthy 5w6 INTJ dad who was extremely critical of me for random things and shot down any imaginative ideas I had.

[@mistylakeharth9983]

It so odd, I'm sure that I'm a type 4 and not a type 1 but some how I've developed some of the type 1 inner critic problems but I don't have the care or energy to act the type 1 persona. I don't have that kind of self discipline to act the part of a type 1. I lack the responsibility of a type 1, but at some point I've taught myself how to numb my own feelings, they come back to but me later. Sadly in this case probably a nature of a type 4 but a nurture of a type 1. To much push and repression form too many sources, and too much defiance of that repression and too of emotionally need to figure out who I am. How does one be sure of who they are and lose themselves all at the same time all the time anytime they feel the world some how turned upside down. I hear Type 4 so much like me so much unlike me, and type 1 that which I failed to become, organized, so what's needed, perfect(no one is perfect, especially not me), put together(I have a hard time trying to express me and who I am, so yeah I feel misunderstood when people tell me who they think I am), I've learned to act like a square or a circle but I have no form to fit into. The only form I know is me, even when I lose sight of me. I’ve tested 4w5 a few times, I don't think I've ever tested a type 1 once. I think by the time my inner critic came to be I was too old to become a type 1, already formed into a confused type 4 with the problem of reminiscence and idealized wishful thinking, I've learned to repress the idealism a little bit to try to see the middle ground. It's too hard to explain with words, I had to teach myself logic to try to communicate with people despite my feelings and lack of feelings of connection. Been told too much to get out of my head or stop talking to others as if they are inside my head....

[@14xx07]

Out of one partner’s chaos, the other partner would have to “lean into” something orderly. I learned in the mandarin language, they have a term for this wide spread parental dynamic. Black vs white face. Guess he will be one of those husband who forces his wife to do the hard work, deny herself and makes her the black face of the family. Externalising and critic others around him, refuse to recognise his role in it.

[@RubyNeumann]

Enneagram 4w5 here... Is this really what I'm supposed to look like when I get healthy? If a 1 gets to look like a 7 when they get healthy... It is almost depressing that I get to look like a 1 when I get healthy. Yikes. I know that is the direction... it is kind of scary. The 1 energy is intimidating... thank you for painting that picture. It was very informative... just not encouraging for this 4.

[@beccawhosangs]

Enneagram 1 here! My mom is a 4 and had similar reservations about her growth number being a 1! Haha. From my understand though, y’all get the benefit of operating like a 1 when healthy (productive, task-oriented, doing things at a very high quality) whilst still having a 4 lens. For example, infusing creativity and authenticity into a task, which fuels you and gives you the confidence to complete it enthusiastically and diligently. In contrast would be operating from your stress number of 2, which might have you frazzled and dragging your feet trying to complete a task because you are tempted to prioritize too many people’s opinions of how the task should be done.

[@realSimoneCherie]

You’d look like healthy version of 1 in growth or the unhealthy version of 2 in stress

[@donotneedtoknow7541]

45:20 maybe the 1 kids never did run through the halls. 😓

[@FlipYourCarIntoTheTornado]

Type 4 here trying to figure out how to get my shit together lmao

[@14xx07]

Note how often he say he appreciate type 1 and before he can get to mid sentence, he goes into “but” and critics untrue things about type 1s. I’ll love to see a type 8 critiquing a type 6. Ha. Him giving a mockery voice towards type 1 and even giving a old voice to degrade why they have to say. I’m curious what voice does God have when calling him to be discuss his expectation and adhere to painful but good things.

[@Alien-f8z]

3:00

[@14xx07]

Frankly speaking, I feel self-centred glutenous people tend to speak smack about type 1. No matter how much they think and say they love type 1, they push them away instinctively. Which is why they barely have type 1s near them. Type seven seem to consistently look down on type ones. They treat type 1s like they are beta of themselves. :|

[@14xx07]

If you are a type 1 chilling around, just know that self-discipline and standard is a nobel cause. I strongly encourage you to hear from other speakers like enneagram girl. Cuz we don’t need one more ‘pastor’ throwing shade at the love for goodness.

[@14xx07]

Our Father is righteous, just, orderly, gentleman and graceful whereas Tom is all about grace. A person who put their own preference above all is at best called self serving and worst described as a person taking God’s grace for granted.

[@misstigermilk]

Hmmm this seems pretty harsh.

[@arturoBmacias]

As a 1, I agree, pretty harsh. I'm outta here! 😆

[@moveordievision]

+

[@twlahue]

Thanks

[@14xx07]

This whole video only say one thing. It’s about him. He is indeed a 6, doing self-fulfilling prophecies to protect himself.

[@aaramse4329]

I don't think that I LOVE ones. And I wanna be honest there. Suffered way to much from them. They project almost PERMANENTLY! And it's so tremendously injust that they can critizise us whereas we are not allowed even w/ the TINIEST little thing to critize them. There is no balance. Relationsships w/ them are constantly unbalanced!!!

[@14xx07]

Type 7 and 6s can never fully internalise what type 1s strive for and the flexibility they have. All he knows of type 1 is from his biased experience from his then-young brother (Chester). If we have Chester speak, I bet his inner critic would provide a way more balanced view of their sibling dynamic. Beyond that, all Tom knows is based on books and the black and white from paper, nick picked to double confirm on his sinister view on them. E.g. extreme, petty and humorous things like ironing of curtain does not define a type 1. He only look at the outward things of a type 1 and judge and approach them pity. As if it’s something to be shake-d away from. Type 1 has great value, without have to “lean into wing”. He demonstrate 0 clue about what it means to be self-critic. He’s mixing up about his own emotional shut down as thou it’s a type 1. When type 1 is down, they end up looking inwards and become very emotionally connected and way more attatched to their uniqueness unlike a the people in the triangle (3-6-9). Tom says that he want to be a friend and all, it’s him (a type 6) who have no idea that he is self-critical. He have no clue how liberating it is for type 4 to become 1-like. No clue. Don’t be bothered about what he is talking here. Cuz caring Type 6s are always attracted to healthy type 1s.

[@14xx07]

I’ll advice him to make an 1 hour video truly appreciating 1s instead of an hour of projecting his own issues towards self-control here while speaking as if he has the truth. -.-