Ep. 159 | Blackfriday

Joshua & Ryan discuss the holiday shopping season. Watch “Maximal” episodes of The Minimalists Private Podcast exclusively at / theminimalists
Questions answered in this episode:
How do I explain to my young child the importance of gifting things of value? (10:16)
What should minimalists gift their loved ones? (29:15)
How do I convince family members to gift my children valuable experiences instead of material items? (45:40)
How do I resolve the conflicts between my duties as a marketer and my values as a minimalist?
(53:38)
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[@lilylife4426]

"It's 100% off if you don't buy it." - Genius!

[@dawnhapgood2907]

The reason the "magic" of Christmas fades as you become an adult is due to the increased focus on THINGS as opposed to EXPERIENCES. For me at least my favourite parts of Christmas include: walking around my town looking at the light displays, singing Christmas carols with my neighbours and giving something extra to the homeless guy in your street. That's where the warm fuzzy feelings come from, not in the local shopping mall.

[@AllTheArtsy]

The reason is 1) You are older. You have literally experienced more holidays. 2) You are older. Your parents aren't spending on you. You're likely spending yourself, on gifts, food, clothes, etc. 3) You are older. You're likely working, then having to travel, commute or drive home, where you have to cook, then do the dishes, then clean up the house after the relatives leave. 4) You are older. You're realizing that all the food is not really very good for you. You're paying the bills for the lights you turn on. You're thinking about how you have to come back for work in a few days. 5) You are older. You know the bullshit. You know that toys don't solve anything. Buying more and more doesn't make you happy. You just want to rest for a few days. You are older.

[@uriyechan]

I would just like to thank you guys. I have clinical anxiety and I often have panic attacks. Whenever I listen to the both of you, it calms me down because this podcast grounds me. It makes me think about what's really important in life and reminds me to live in the present. Thank you so much! 💖

[@AkS143joyful]

I have 3 girls, 6, 4, and 8 months. Over the 3 year journey of minimalism, Christmas presents has changed. Usually we did 3 gifts each to honor the first Christmas, but they could not even think of 3 items, so this year they each picked one gift they really wanted and we gifted all of us a family experience to Stone Mountain which is an amazing day of fun together. It takes years to change thinking. People think the girls must be miserable, it is the opposite, they are kind, happy, and joy filled. This year they are painting my nails as my gift and making Daddy dinner with my help. They are learning the gift is not the item, but how we think of others. I cannot tell you how grateful I am for this journey as they stand out as people who are lights in this world of consumerism.

[@plsspayorneuter]

Advice to parents from a former child... don't guilt trip your kids about things want to get rid of, even shortly after the holidays when they've received them. My mom would guilt me with lines like, "You mean you don't love your sweet bear anymore?" when I was in my teens. I am still sneaking my childhood toys out of her house to donate.

[@mohajerlewis]

Kids understand. It’s us who think kids are going to feel bad. Every time a commercial came on for a toy my boys had I would ask them “do you have as much fun w this toy as these kids in the commercial?” The answer was always no. They would also start noticing that the commercial would show the toy doing things that it couldn’t even do. LEGO is notorious for this.

[@HoneyBunRoad]

Oldie but goldie! Back again to hear this message as the black Friday madness begins

[@MrAnnfrid]

The first step I took to minimalism is when my step grandmother told me how amazing it was to get something as precious as an orange from Santa. It took my whole mind into a different mode bc now we can buy oranges all the time in a country like Finland but obviously at that time (50 years ago) oranges were very uncommon so it was very special. Most of the time I get the question; “What do you want for Christmas/your birthday etc...?” I say “Nothing just be there for me come and hang out” and we have a great time.

[@sandy68917250]

What a beautiful memory from your grandmother! Thanks for sharing ♥

[@cayesh1234]

my grandmother said something similar (Norwegian), but I was a kid and immediately thought that was very boring. Luckily we mature with age.

[@JuliaTaylorSoprano]

My parents told me when I was old enough that Santa was the spirit of Christmas and giving generously without needing to take credit. It made the blow a little easier to take and honestly I think it's a beautiful sentiment. I loved believing in magic and being creative growing up, it helped my imagination and helped me in my life and career path as an artist.

[@lpatton4832]

Gift cards are a great gift! I love to treat myself to something I normally wouldn't like Starbucks!

[@andijackson2296]

I never really went shopping on Black Friday, maybe because at the time I worked in retail, lol. So 9 yrs ago I had switched careers and decided since I could, I wanted to go shopping on Black Friday. Well as I was pulling into the mall parking lot the power steering in my car went out and my car seized up. 4am, dark, freezing cold, stuck in a parking lot, alone. I knew right then and there, it was a sign.... I shouldn't be participating and it was a bad decision. I didn't buy anything. And I have never went out shopping on Black Friday again. Last year I decided to start calling it Magnified Unawareness Day.

[@boaz.bananas]

I am healthy I am young I am beautiful I am God masterpiece I am God greater creation I am happy I am bless I am powerful Thanks for life Thanks for the universe Thanks for love ❤️ Thanks for this video that is amazing Thanks for everything Thanks for nature God bless you if u reading this🙏

[@Autumn_Forest_]

I am 44 years old, and my mother never told us about Santa, the Tooth Fairy, or the Easter Bunny. One night before Easter (when I was three or four years old), my older sister wanted to inspire me to help her clean up the house, so she told me that the Easter Bunny would be visiting us while we slept. (Our neglectful mother wasn’t at home, as usual, so my sister’s “lie” was not refuted.) I remember cleaning the house with so much energy and excitement that I can still feel it right now. I don’t think I remember clearly any other days or nights from that young age except for that one. Believing that a giant bunny was coming to my house was the most magical thing I had ever experienced. I am so grateful to my sister for giving me that one night of wonder. I will “lie” to my child(ren) through my teeth, for as long as they’re feeling the magic.

[@Autumn_Forest_]

CRZ Yep, we kids were the ONLY people who did anything around the house. If we didn’t clean everything, we were beaten.

[@aquietwild]

Ryan’s face for the listener question graphic is life.

[@workout3625]

This is now a Season of Giving for my family. My kids understand that they get too much year round and so I tell them how much money we are able to give and we decide as a family what charities we will give to at Christmas. Also now, my sister and I give to a charity of our choice instead of exchanging. We all feel good at Christmas due to giving. The issue many of us have is the pressure we put on ourselves to provide the perfect Christmas tree with piles of presents underneath. Bravo to REI #optoutside.

[@sarahwoodcock2889]

So Good! Thank you for speaking to my soul! Sometimes it's lonely out here, when nobody you know truly understands.

[@ag_8449]

I think you could give your child a certain amount of cash and tell them what they could do with it (spend it on stuff, an activity that they could enjoy, save it for later, etc.) so they could be more aware of the value of things and finance etc. I heard about someone who did this with their kids and it really helped them. Although, I do what you said usually, I give others gifts which I know they will love and use a lot (I gave my mum a tea set she loves, a watch to my dad, my 10 yr old brother a hat or a shark towel I made). I'm only sixteen but I'm trying to be a little more conscious about the environment and the value of the things I own.

[@phyliciajoykloes]

I love this podcast. Great one! Thanks for sharing. I have asked for experiences for my birthday in June, and I got disappointed when I got stuff, which later I felt bad about. This Christmas I asked for one book to grow myself, one book for my classroom, and one experience. I feel great!

[@AkS143joyful]

Thank you so much for this episode! I call Black Friday, Family Friday as we are all together and enjoy each moment without entering a store.

[@stephaniequinn373]

Definition of Hornswoggled: In a story. Yesterday I bought some business cards from a popular company (V****P****) and they offer you different options at checkout. $7.99 for 100 cards (60% off from like $18 or something...) $8.99 for 250 cards (which is 60% off of....17?) $9.99 for 500 cards (again, 60% off of whatever price of like $16). Wanting a deal...but knowing I physically don't need 500 cards....I chose 250. I planned to get only 100...but I caved and added the extra dollar to get more. I press submit and then I am presented with a "IN THE NEXT TEN MINUTES...YOU CAN BUY!!!!" page. At the top of the page it says "You can add...for only $1.50 more...another 250 business cards to your order with no extra handling fees. That's a 91% reduction of cost!". And just like we have been conditioned, the panic kicks in...just for a moment. "91% off! How can you even consider walking away from that!?!" the people cry. Luckily I was smart and remembered the previous page with the prices. And I realised that if anyone took that deal and added the extra 250 cards for $1.50....they would in fact be getting HORNSWOGGLED by the company since that is not a deal at a all. Hornswoggled. Great word.

[@lshenk7994]

Way to go Ann-Marie :) I am part of the Buffalo Minimalist Group and we are sharing the copy of Essential that Ryan and Josh recently sent to the group. Great question ... and awesome group!!

[@PaulWeymouth]

ROFL the lightning round graphic was perfect!

[@brakmanedace]

Gift giving is a love language! I am a big fan of yours and in the same time very much believe in theory of love languages. It is a profound and wise theory and has helped me so much! By saying that gift giving is not a love language diminishes the theory. It's all about thought behind the gift! It doesn't mean that person who has it as love language will expect expensive materialistic gifts or wants to give them. The gift can be experience etc. People can't change their love language.

[@afeeser]

My children are grown. But when they were young, we slowly got to the point of giving them more and more each year for Christmas and they only paid attention to one or two items ( even if they asked for all the items). So one year we told them they would be getting only 3 gifts each Christmas. That has worked out very well. (we also put small consumables in their stockings.

[@darrendexter6125]

I remember as a kid in the 80's, doing my Christmas Wish List 'Shopping' through the Sears Christmas catalog. It was like an inch thick and had every toy, game, etc. you could ever imagine. They programmed us young.

[@radicalaccounting]

I raised my kids a bit minimalist. a). turn off the TV, then get rid of the TV. That''ll bring thing sanity back into your life. This is the part where the parents value goes first, hardly any parents are willing to give up TV. But if someone grows up without TV, it turns out they don't want it when they grow up. b). All year long when they ask for a toy, say something agreeable. That might be nice. I can see why you'd want that. Put it on your Christmas list. Then at the right time, have them re-write their list. I would buy whatever is #1 on their list, and then #2 or #3, and depending on how much relatives give, nothing else, or if there are no relatives, one more. If they want it for a long time, they really want it, and I want them to know they can count on me. Once again, they take values from parents, so they always asked for stuff I could afford (having saved up). Buying new things is fun, gifting is fun.

[@ericamciver4747]

I started Christmas shopping in January of this year. Around May I started stressing about finishing and storing the crap. My kids started asking for their gifts, so we did Christmas in July. They got their stuff and over the last few months they have been outgrowing the items. Our last big purge was mostly these gifts. We donated them to a homeless shelter and then we had a very deep conversation about Christmas. We told them that by getting their stuff early that was it. I wasn't going to rebuy gifts etc. We than decided to take the money we would typically spend on Thanksgiving and Christmas and use it towards our upcoming family vacation. We froze our travel bank card , an actual bank card NOT a credit card. We have , so far $ 450 dollars towards our trip.

[@animatronix15]

As I'm watching this, a notification pops up from Samsung that reads: BLACK FRIDAY FAVORITES ARE HERE in large bold letters. Irony.

[@amberleeperry7479]

Love the lightning effects:)

[@ellief4277]

Weird to know these guys live so close to me and reference places I know so well! I live just on the verge of Covington and Cincinnati. Thank you both for encouraging the help on Dayton’s grocery issues! (:

[@thisrandomjourney7103]

We told our kids about Santa a couple years ago. It was just like you said, why are we lying to our children when we tell them not to lie? This came after our eldest son made some major lies to us and we realized that we needed to lead by example.

[@wilsonbunbun1000]

After discovered u guys, last Christmas was the first no stress one I ever had ! 😃

[@robinaronson4159]

I can’t love this podcast enough! You guys are the best ❤️❤️❤️

[@lukemoran6557]

The only gift I want from my family members this holiday SEASON, is to watch your first documentary film with them, so I may finally share my beliefs and that my family will have an understanding of where I draw my values from: living a meaningful life without the need for cheap plastic junk.

[@ahoardersheart]

Guilty. I grew up with a HUGE Christmas...Santa brought me 25 gifts minimum. That was what I knew. So now Santa brings 25 gifts to my children. I never knew this was not normal until my brother-in-law pointed it out. I didn’t know most children got 10 things. This year I am definitely scaling back

[@agneslaufer9579]

OmG I was growing up in Poland, I remember all my gifts bc I got one gift every year I got: 1985 blender 1986 baby doll 1987 wooden blocks 1988 nothing 1989 lego blocks 1990 clothing 1991 clothing 1992 walkman And so on Now I don't get gifts .

[@ahoardersheart]

Agnes Laufer it was what you knew growing up. This was your normal ♥️ Huge Christmas was what I knew and became my “normal.” Now I have woken up...I’m scaling back a lot. I’m a hoarder who’s healing from her mental struggles ♥️

[@emmatessier600]

Hmm yes very interesting! From parents and family combined I typically got 3 to 5 gifts for Christmas. The most important thing to me is that no one feels 'forgotten' in the gift giving, one small gift is often enough to make someone feel appreciated.

[@Godmershamgurl29]

My children get one or two things. I used to buy the a stocking full of smaller stuff the maybe 5 or 6 presents each. They will get one thing from family. I put a stop to the grandparents buying 20 presents for each of my two kids.

[@ahoardersheart]

Godmershamgurl29 this is so eye opening to me!!! I never realized how crazy we were with the gift giving!

[@ilannafreire]

You guys are aweeeeesome! Thanks for sharing your amazing perspective knowledge ❤❤❤

[@liliyasergiyenko3016]

one thing we do as a family is we dont open any gifts on Christmas as its christ birthday, on that day we do good deeds for elderly who dont have anyone to visit them on holidays, instead we are opening gifts on new years night to start off the year correctly we gift such gifts as a toy the child asks for (not lots of toys) a pajamas and a book or family games something that they can use to communicate with others or improve their knowledge. we ask grandparents to buy us annual passes to zoo and to aquarium or ice rinks or go carting facilities. we got family with 7 kids so its hard to imagine getting tons of gifts.

[@jc3teacher265]

Totally awesome podcast!

[@maryanncormier2394]

I like hearing that Ryan was having kids in the future.😊

[@Godmershamgurl29]

I've got my eye on something for black Friday... Absolutely nothing. The Peace and quite of NOT being anywhere near shops at Christmas time.

[@nokomomz]

I could've written that myself, Godmershamgurl29!

[@agneslaufer9579]

It cost money because it saves money - Vincent Giardinia on pipes in Moonstruck .

[@awofadeju1]

Ryan, you said that people love the hunt. They love hunting for sales and stocking up on stuff. Human beings were initially hunter gatherers. We would go out and hunt game animals and gather any kill, meat, or plants we could find to survive. We're not hunting for food much these days because grocery stores have an abundant supply, but I feel like the hunter gatherer drive is present when it comes to shopping. Everything and everyone either gathers dust or turns into dust. What is the value of dust anyway? I would rather have more space in my living arrangement than have more dust. People need to be willing to let go of toxic or difficult people and unnecessary things.

[@LuciaCasucci]

Funny now how merchants nowadays always put the on sale sign to lure you into the stores (FOMO lol) and buy things you do not need. Great podcasts guys, just subscribed to Patreon and trying to live a more meaningful life

[@TheMinimalists]

Thank you so much!

[@alyssarosengard6674]

There is the 5 Love Languages for Children book for parents to read. I think each child feels.love differently. Maybe Ann Marie could explore other ways to express love for her children. Maybe one child prefers "words of affirmation" , or "quality time, etc.

[@mohajerlewis]

I went into target today and I always forget that they turn into Target on crack during the holidays. They cram all these things into every available space and surface. There is a candy display shoved into where the clothes are. Wtf?

[@ranikster9955]

Oh my goodness 😂😂😂 Black Friday is a relatively new phenomenon in Denmark. And even if people here don't go just as crazy, the stores are full of people. It is stressful and completely unnecessary

[@mymindfulhome1013]

Thanks so much for this Podcast! I have similar views. Sure bargain hunting is FUN but if you don't need it, it is not a bargain it is just new clutter.

[@dainasworldnumbers88]

This episode could be called , “Kids and their Stuff “

[@margaretcox4290]

My family Optouside and we go camping!!! I am not a Black Friday person at all.

[@awofadeju1]

I think it is reasonable to live a simpler life than a complicated life. It's a no-brainer to me. If I can make my life simpler than it is, then that's better than making my life more complicated than it needs to be.

[@otiliac6647]

🙏🏻

[@MyBodyIsMyTemple]

😄 this should be good

[@brianpasbrig4757]

This may be contrarian, but I don't understand how giving to charity "on behalf" of someone else is considered a gift. If a charity is important to me, then giving to that charity should be done by me. In my mind, it goes something like this, "I want to give to this charity, but I need to give you a gift. Instead of giving you a gift, I'll give to the charity in your name, and now both problems are solved!" This seems selfish and self-serving, not in the spirit of gift giving.

[@Autumn_Forest_]

You give it to a charity THEY care about. For example, my fiance's dad knows that I adore animals and hate any sort of animal abuse. He doesn't think much either way about them and happily eats them. Every Christmas, he donates money to an animal-related charity in my name. It's special to me because I know he couldn't care less about the charity, but he does it for me. (I cannot afford to give much at all, so his generous contributions are amazing to me!)

[@sharonde8141]

YOU GUYS 🙈 You said Santa is fake and I was listening to it in front of my 4 yo😅 ...It’s my husbands lie really...he enjoyed it as a child.

[@harleymandk]

Did you see this : The Truth about Black Friday - kzbin.info/www/bejne/lXjZp31rptKoo6s

[@ViperST989]

Isn't this recycled content from over a year ago? I know I've heard this before.

[@awofadeju1]

People buy and give gifts for Christmas because the three wise men (Magi) saw baby Jesus lying in a manger and gave him gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh. This is written about in the Holy Bible.

[@scaredfolks5923]

Pre-Paid Credit Cards are good in lieu of Gift Cards because they can be used anywhere and are better than Cash, kids just spend cash on drugs and booze to be honest.

[@Autumn_Forest_]

LMAO What kind of kids are you hanging out with?!