Ep.256 - ok, now what?

[@TheCrystallineLeoness]

I had a psychedelic experience where I went into a meditative state to try and meet my inner child. She was sitting cross legged on the floor with a blue blanket around her shoulders with a white auric glow all around her. She was sat quite a distance away from me, and she said to me "I am where you are and always will be, whenever you travel back to the realm where we were one, you will lose yourself." I wrote this all down so I wouldn't forget, and the insight I gained from this experience was that there was no need for me to try and heal my inner child by revisiting the horrific trauma, because my emotional body and ego mind is so deeply attached and entwined in that story that I'd initially be chasing my own tail and re-opening an old wound again and again. My inner child is with me always and she is very much healed and loved. The 'inner child' I thought I was trying to heal by digging up old trauma is just a shadow vibration stored in my subconscious mind and isn't a true authentic expression. That's why I've never entertained inner child work since, it's really not necessary to keep re-telling the story, which no doubt the ego mind loves to exaggerate and glorify the victim narrative.

[@FART-REPELLENT]

I had a very bad childhood too; I have found that cuddling up with a good quality BIG teddy bear in bed to be mentally therapeutic, you should try it.

[@TheCrystallineLeoness]

​@FART-REPELLENT I have a cute little daughter, only 3 years old, and she is probably the greatest thing thats ever happened to me! When she wears her fluffy pyjamas she's just as good as a big teddy bear 😂❤.

[@heytherejessiehere]

Yes yes yes thank you for sharing, this resonates a lot ❤❤❤

[@ionageman]

We have choices , we can react , we can ignore or we can accept .. today I chose all 3 .. perhaps there are more possibilities I’m unaware of .

[@heytherejessiehere]

What about.... neither accept nor reject..... 🤷‍♀️

[@bobbylee3863]

I'm sorry for engaging so personally. Something must have resonated and was reaching out to connect with that part of myself needed to be addressed so I can do the work on it in private now. Thank you kindly for witnessing me at the time 🙏🏻

[@heytherejessiehere]

No need to apologise, for me personally it has been beautiful to watch your process unfold. I'm grateful you shared your art ✨️💫

[@bobbylee3863]

I heard, "A past that breaks you, was meant to recreate you. Don't be fooled by this opportunity in disguise" Part of me was getting used to setting my own boundaries, because at the time I was still discovering what they were. The part of me that didn't feel deserving of love and instead, felt that I deserved rejection, was also the voice in me trying to convince me I was wrong and that I was bad if I spoke up for myself. He wanted to show that to me through his expression of feelings like guilt and shame. I expressed appreciation for the gift that she had already given me. I feel like she needs to earn back my respect again now, before I show her the love I have to give to her in the ways that I was showing it before. To see for myself if it really meant anything. I was reaching out and giving her time to recieve everything I could give, and now its time for me to step back and see what she has to offer, or if she is even interested in sharing that at all? She didn't let me in this time and it made me feel rejected. She was judging and pulling up my past in a way that I sense might just be a reflection of her own insecurity. Maybe she was judging herself in comparison to me, and the work I do for myself. It doesn't mean she isn't deserving of my love, and it will always be here; my intention remains, to keep my heart open. I could also see this in me.. I don't want to hold back my love out of resentment either This is going to be the challenge for me. Can I resist the urge to continue sharing affection with someone that isn't loving me in return? I can still say everything I want to say here. I can still feel love and the need to share it, and the desire to recieve it from somewhere outside myself. I can even say everything I want, with the intention of sharing it with her, but not right now. Right now, I'm keeping what's mine, and if it's right between us and meant to be, she will come to me with what I need to open myself back up to her again 🔑 Allow and accept. It's all on her now. I respect myself. Your move, I say. Does she really need to earn it? I question myself Maybe she is already deserving of all the love and respect, but she needs to earn my expression of that by giving it to me first without expectation. That could be the lesson? The love you recieve is equal to the love that you give. It's nobody's fault. Everything is okay and working itself out ☀️🌱💚 I felt like my trust had been pushed to its limit. Maybe the revelation is knowing that I deserve love, I deserve to feel all the love I can give to myself. I deserve the freedom of expression to share my love with whomever I like, and fill any space with it I like. I am deserving of saying no, and walking away after enough times of reaching out giving chances for the other person to actually see me and hear what I've had to say already. I can leave, and come back as I wish, and know that I am safe and secure in the love I already have within myself to give when and where I so choose to in this moment. I don't need to stay for longer than I need to if I am not welcomed.

[@heytherejessiehere]

Beautiful processing , and it resonates a lot woth questions im asking myself top at the moment. Thabknyou for sharing, its a very beautiful approach you have 💕💫