ep.33 "I don’t know how to say HELP ME" | AKA

[@laurennickerson6281]

The saying “I don’t know shit about fuck” is hilarious and definitely fitting, thanks for answering my question!

[@perfectlyimperfect4260]

It’s got to a point where this is literally the only thing I look forward to in a week 😂 I can’t tell if that’s sad or not 😂😊

[@snuffyscorner]

If I had a hard therapy session this podcast happens the next day so it gives me something to look forward to.

[@perfectlyimperfect4260]

@@snuffyscorner that sounds like bliss I get mine on a Monday so it luckily breaks up my week a little 😂

[@nikkimckay860]

Perfectly imperfect . I like your KZbin name also your comment on kati s podcast nice to meet you wanted to say hello I am the same I am always waiting and looking forward to this podcast its honestly what I look forward to every week too I can relax and feel calm when I watch kati all her health advice and her calming voice help s to make me feel better

[@nikkimckay860]

Perfectly imperfect. It's not sad at all 🙂

[@daydrmrofficial1966]

@@snuffyscorner its the same for me its a nice thing to get a notification of after a heavy session

[@victoriaemerald6677]

My first therapist I got when I was 16 was a really old woman that had been a therapist for a really long time. The first time I decided to mention my struggle with self harm to her she clearly didn’t understand it and seemed to be judging me for it. I never brought it up to her again. Thankfully though I got a new therapist when I was 18 and she was a lot more understanding and seemed to actually know about it. After 2 years with her I managed to finally completely end my 6 year struggle with self harm. I have now been clean for 3 years (:

[@TaylorPickering12]

The piece on codependency & family dynamics (hero child, scape goat kid, truth teller) was SUPER enlightening for me. More content on this would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

[@krystler7703]

I actually shared this podcast and the Kati Morton channel with a friend who just started therapy & she subscribed!

[@adorebeauty8752]

Question number 5 😔 I struggled to see it as abuse & definitely didn't name it. Therapist said it was abuse, and it literally made sense in my head - it was abuse. However, the feelings of being wrong and 'ruined' are much harder to make sense of and resolve

[@mariah3686]

pink looks great on you :)!!

[@crimsontuba1]

This podcast hit super close to home

[@crimsontuba1]

Question #9. My parents were the same when I tried therapy in college. After getting out of their house, their income, and their insurance. I was able to go back to therapy. This time, my parents have no clue that I'm in therapy, and my best friend is my emergency contact.

[@crimsontuba1]

And my therapist was 100% supportive of my decision to cut my family out of my medical affairs

[@katiebwheeler]

So many of these questions I so relate too..... Was blessed that I found a counselor who understood self harm and the trauma behind my self harm. Started when I was about 7, I’m 33 and had gone over a year before my last falling off the wagon for a few weeks. But nothing new in about 4 months and feeling pretty good :)

[@aliciafinn6165]

Thank you for these videos. I found you through mommy jeans and because of you both I've decided to start therapy. Thanks for all you do!

[@eloisemarie5219]

I always love your podcast. I listen especially between therapy sessions.

[@sarah-ez8mp]

As someone brand new to therapy (my second session is Saturday) this video was very helpful

[@Keepitkind7]

Ive learned to say, “this sounds trivial today...but at the time it seemed like a crisis.” Or, “this feels like a crisis, but maybe its trivial.” Depending on where I’m at in a bipolar cycle, thats exactly the problem, so I’ve learned to talk about it either way. Thanks for these helpful videos!

[@Jumpy2423]

Wow this is perfect. Thank you, I'm going to try this

[@angelapetrarca7657]

Katie I’ve journaled since I was an 8 year old little girl and it has been so helpful for me and my therapist too look back on my life and see where my anxiety ptsd ocd and gad started it’s so nice that I’m able too retrace my steps I’m 21 now and journaling has saved my life in so many ways I try to journal at least once or twice a week it’s fun too be able too look back on your life too even the bad days🥰

[@Jumpy2423]

Kati, you are so wonderful. I realized I was very co dependent in my relationship with my boyfriend a few months ago. I did a ton of research myself before I started therapy and I really helped myself stop the enabling and started letting myself take care of me. The way you described it was so clear and perfectly worded and made me realize I still have a ton of work to do! Thank you so much for all your videos. You're helping so many people.

[@hollylou-dk5wl]

Just had a mini brake throu. Started balling. I've been really struggling in therapy. (I'm new to it) and I never know why I find things do hard. Why the 'basic tasks' I find impossible. I have just released how I truly put everyone elce first. As people in my family are always so sad I try and i want to make them feel better be better. I always put them first and don't think I have ever listened to what i need. I never realised there was a name for it. Always just thought of myself as lazy no good..all the names under the sun. This is very eye opening. What an amazing thing you are doing helping people !

[@kerrylarmand6301]

same

[@elizaneja]

TIME STAMPS: 1) 2:24 - How come I feel really bad during the week but then I go to therapy and seem like the happiest person ever. I don’t know how to say help me? 2) 7:10 - Hey Kati, I've been in therapy for a while now and have this thing where I'm always looking forward to the next session but when the day actually comes I dread going. In between sessions, I think about what I want to bring up next but I always end up feeling like I'm overreacting right before the next session. I usually warm up after a while but I was just wondering where this feeling comes from even after... 3) 16:51 - Hi Kati, what do therapists think of adults who self-harm? I know your opinion might not be representative of all therapists, but I just want to hear your... 4) 23:11 - Hi Kati! What’s the best way to take care of your own mental health if you have loved ones with serious mental health problems? My brother is a recovering addict, and both of my parents have pretty serious... 5) 33:40 - Hi Kati. Hope you're doing great. Can you talk about having a hard time naming things? I tend to surround things I want to talk about, I rationalize them, but when it comes to putting a name to them, it gets really hard. This happened to me in therapy while trying to talk about my... 6) 39:09 - Hi Kati. How can you differentiate between feeling that something is wrong or off and being anxious? I had many times felt that way and something inevitably went wrong, even though I didn't... 7) 46:18 - Hi Kati! I hope you're having a great week! Does an eating disorder have to be about body image and weight? I have recently been struggling with anxiety and depression but lately (for a month) I am never hungry, or I’ll... 8) 53:02 - Hi kati, How do we stop avoiding things and at the same time start to listen to what we want more?? I have cptsd and am a big avoider; so I am told by my treatment team that I should be more gentle with myself, but also that I... 9) 58:03 - Hi Kati! How do you deal with parents who aren’t supportive of you going to therapy? The thing is, I’m stuck back home after studying and working in the family business. I make my “own” money working during...

[@mjarkk]

I’ve removed my timestamps, this takes way more efforts than mine :)

[@elizaneja]

@@mjarkk omg🥺 youre the sweetest person ever, but you could've left your time stamps

[@navewibowo5126]

@@mjarkk i don't want to sound creepy but i saw your timestamps on previous episodes and how it is automatically generated. I'm intrigued by the algorithm behind it tbh

[@mjarkk]

@@navewibowo5126 I’ve published the code, if you’re interested you can find it here: github.com/mjarkk/aka-timestamps

[@melk.3485]

Thank you 👍🏻

[@poisonivy745]

I love Kati's videos. They're super helpful! ps. I always love when protective Kati comes out.

[@dreshany1345]

Something I found helpful, since I struggled to connect through writing is by voice recording. Through the really hard times I would record my feelings/thoughts/pain etc and would email the file to my T. It helped give her insight and helped me to contain it until my next session. She had a “special” secure “container” to hold it until we were ready to open it up together

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

What you say about a therapist; what information you give them. It is like programming a computer: It depends on the data input. Even if the therapist doesn't reply , it is a relief to express the problem.

[@Dani_bo_bani]

I dont know how but I always happen to wake up to notifications from the podcasts and then I get to start my day with some kati content 🙂

[@emmabeckett6451]

Yay a new video!! This is the perfect reward for passing my LSW exam earlier today!!! 😀 Your videos have been a wonderful supplement to my education, so thanks for all you do Kati. 💖 (edit: in school I was taught about NSSI as being separate from BPD, 21:29. It's getting there.)

[@bill88694]

Thanks Kati for your comments to question #4 about family dynamics and healthy (or lack of) boundaries. I had an "oh that so right!" moment when you mentioned families (my biological for sure) that are enmeshed and the roles (e.g., scapegoat, look after everyone's emotional needs, child parenting) that we get pegged into. So now I keep my distance from my siblings (but still caring) yet I seem to remember our early times, memories as sad, frustrating feelings mostly years later. I would like to hear more from you about how to move on emotionally and, yes, feeling less sad about my past growing in the formative years in an unhealthly family environment. Hope this makes sense!

[@vals3922]

Such a relatable, helpful podcast this week. Thank you Kati & everyone here! :)

[@kerrylarmand6301]

Gawd it feels like you talking right to me.This is so fuckingly great to listen to.

[@charlie5115]

Question #4 wow, thank you! I don’t have any siblings or addicts in my family, but I’m 25, struggling with lifelong depression and only recently realized (through your vids) that I’ve grown up in an badly enmeshed and codependent family. I’ve managed to put physical distance between me and my parents, but I’m really struggling with developing boundaries without feeling guilty or sad. And now that I’ve realized our family dynamic, I can’t seem to have a relationship with my parents like before; I either get very angry and feel "smothered" right away when they contact me/I have to spend time with them or I shut down/dissociate. How can I work to have a more "balanced/healthy" relationship with them? (I’m currently not seeing a therapist but on a long waitlist unfortunately).

[@JordanJFan]

Love this podcast! So informative both as a fellow human traversing this earth, in this moment in this particular galaxy and as a psych major :)

[@stoffls]

Another great podcast! Thank you for your time, also in the livestream, which lasted full 4 hours.

[@murielbilly4296]

Beware it might be triggering. I'm thankful for you to talk about self injury, it's still so taboo and misunderstood. People think we do that for attention seeking, as if it was bad. Of course we seek attention! If we feel that bad to do so, we want, need help and we probably have no other way. That's not the only reason, of course, a lot of reasons. I often don't know how to tell my therapist.. I 'm afraid he would think it's a kind of exhibitionism. I'm 55, have Asperger's syndrom (I have autistic meltdowns where I hurt myself almost not knowing it, it's very different). I began very young ( 6 years old). It was rare. As a teenager, I had a lot of depressives and anxious symptoms, I had suicidal thoughts, and self harmed (scratching my face and biting) in front of people, teachers, parents... No one said or did anything. Like if I wasn't there, no surprise that I have depersonalization and derealization episodes. It was probably meltdowns but anyway.. (I was diagnosed at 39). Then it stopped for maybe 15 years. My depressions, autistic masking, anxiety, etc.. increased. I can't help myself, it's an urge, I was very discreet (I live alone). My psychiatrist told me I probably have BPD😢 whose symptoms are alike with some of autistic behaviours. Nowadays I am a bit scared because the intensity increases with the years passing by. And when I had to do it this afternoon, I felt no shame at all. I'm afraid of being impulsive. People told me we can't arm our body but I don't understand why! Maybe I don't understand because having Elhers Danlos syndrom, my body and pain are one thing. Thank you for your podcasts, they're very interesting and helpful. From Belgium

[@jenniferpiper4728]

The last three podcast have been spot on to question that have been running through my mind. Its nice knowing ots not just me with these thoughts. Your question where someone asked about not being able to say certain things although a little different makes me think and wonder why I won't say the words or admit to my diagnosis and say ED and so forth. Thanks for everything always look forward to listening to all the help you give.

[@enbisaac]

just as I was about to go to bed... perfect timing for some helpful tips!

[@aidis138]

1:03:53 Understandable. When you sit down, cover your face with hands and start crying it might get people upset. Nobody needs that.

[@DontWantToBeRecognized]

Such a great question selection this week!! Can't wait to listen to it all

[@kristinakomarova7555]

Just went through a mental breakdown. I think i might have experienced a panic attack. Was already triggered by something i couldn't pin point, and while i was crying my husband asked me why i am crying in a tone that reminded me of a traumatic event in the past. There it was. I got calmer eventually,but i think i am suicidal now.. I can finally have some sleep, as the previous night i slept only 3 hours. Thank you Kati for what you do. My parents do not support me going to therapy, so i need a great ampunt of money so that i can afford to visit private ones..i feel better

[@healingjourney2652]

Hi Kati, happy friday i know you have touched on eating disorders lately and i am wondeirng if i might have one. Especially over the last 10 months i have developed a massive anxiety around food, i get anxious at meal time and feel like im choking if i eat. i tried several things avoiding eating, soups , softer foods, cooking for myself, watching other people cook meals and still feel anxious and very overwhelmed, one of my biggest coping strategies for dealing with things for the last 12 months has been walking alot, SH, avoidance , dissociation, lying about not being hungry so i dont have to eat , many diets and on and off binge eating. i have been diagnosed with CPTSD, GAD and Depression. especially at the moment when im having "good" days i am content to eat but still get anxious, walk alot and follow my diet, im on Herbalife shakes for lunch and sometimes breakfast, i snack and eat a nice healthy dinner. when im struggling i avoid food, perhaps eat once a day for weeks on end and other times i will be eating heaps of crap like ice cream chocolate frozen pizza and all the really carby things plus alcohol (im not an alcoholic but i usually try to avoid it becuase my dad once was), then i walk twice as much.. i brought my worry up with my doctor but she said so long as i eat one thing and try and work out why i get anxious when eating.. can you please help me with your thoughts sending thanks for all you do from here in australia

[@memac154]

Love. Been watching for years

[@jfluter]

Here’s a question that I have: Can those who are abusers or have committed horrible crimes (such as murder or sexual assault), can those people still get therapy? If so, how would they be able to get it? We always tell those who have been abused to get therapy, but we never hear about the abuser or person that committed the crime.

[@toni2309]

Your answer to the eight question was helpful, thanks. Not my question, but I have a similar problem.

[@nikkimckay860]

Kati Morton hello good evening to you honestly so glad this new podcast is here heard you say good morning so from me to you good morning looking nice as always like your pink top had a bad week sence Monday honestly need to get some help and advice from my favourite KZbin therapist I have been cross between emotional and angry stressed too just basically feeling sad about everything right now as always thanks for always bringing these very important health answers to the questions 🖐

[@nikkimckay860]

I have really taken in this whole podcast and every question was good and always helpful hearing about other people s health problems and I could relate a bit to question 9 about the therapy I have been in therapy only once and 1 day a week my mum was helpful and careing supportive towards me needed help and I have always been thankful for it sadly not everyone is supportive towards therapy Honestly made me feel sad also angry because so many familys don't support or understand there children s needs for therapy and getting help it's tough on a good note loved this podcast this week kati

[@kavleenmarwah4373]

Question number 4 is the same as I had asked. Thank you for mentioning :)

[@elizaneja]

Havent watched it, but I already love it haha

[@katherineugalde9146]

Thank you so much kati my week has been so messed up lately.

[@kataclysm6]

Sorry about getting demonetised.. Really unfair since you help countless amount of people on youtube alone. Would love to listen on spotify if that's a more ideal option!

[@askkatianything]

No worries. The best thing you can do is to share with others! As for where it's best to watch/listen... Whatever works best for you!

[@m.l3483]

Hi Kati and everyone, I’m still a little confused, so hoping y’all can help. Where can I ask Kati questions? Is it here? Or somewhere else? Thanks a bunch!!

[@abbyswartout2139]

Omg I love the intro song!!!

[@ravenhill_of_midsummer_1968]

hi kati, hope you are well, thanks for helping people.

[@AmethystWoman]

So yeah, having space to share life is the great about therapy but it's not all kittens and puppies. Rather than judging what is meaningful and what is not, I just say it and even "how are you" can eventually lead to whereever i go. But I am a story teller and can go out on a long range branch (like a stoned tangent thing! Lol) so my T knows to bring me back and I appreciate it. We also talk at the end about what part of what I said today I want to open with next week, that's helpful. I opened the window and she helps keep it open. And then next week I can just say "ok, where were we." I get much more deep work done. Rather than "checking in." Some weeks I just check in when it's been intense for weeks.

[@wolfferoni]

For the last question, the whole walking away thing - what if you can't walk away from the convo? What if you're stuck in the house and they follow you when you try to leave and go into your room or bring it up during meal times so you can't not deal with them?

[@laibafareed9396]

What can I do if my mom physically and emotionally abuses me and everyone in my family knows it but they don't do anything because she is my mother and loves me

[@nikkimckay860]

Hello everyone sending some friendly words over to you all even if we haven't met yet on this podcast just want to say being here always makes me feel better than I did before I watch it I hope people here are getting by each day ok because things are just so stressful and hard right now with the virus also the health problems we all suffer with so passing friendly careing words though here take care all ❤

[@milenaciaramella3524]

Thanks for it matita 💜

[@Amber24426]

Question 2 hits so hard 😅

[@TBIhope]

Yeah apparently I’m a scapegoat child. But with good reason: I have made their lives harder. I had cancer, got hit by a car, fell off a cliff, was in a coma for three months, etc. I’m like a bad luck talisman!

[@JadeMack7]

Question 4 - nar-anon.org is the website for the 12-step program for loved ones of addicts and is the sister program of Al-Anon for AA.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

It is hard for me to ask for help, especially from my abuser. He can't be bothered. He would say "ask me for help" then, when I did, I'd get "be self-sufficent." So opposite! So lazy of him! Dad is narcissistic and demeaning. I won't ask for any help again, from him. It's demeaning. He thinks he's perfect and looks down on me. He is impossible!

[@gabriellaa1091]

This is an issue that has been bothering me too much. how do I deal with angry flashbacks? Like how I remember the bad that has happened and I wish there was something I could've done but I did nothing? So it feels like I let abusers get away with the abuse? How do I move on from it, such as getting closure, when the closure is; there is no closure.

[@avery-brown]

The ED question sounds like ARFID, I’m surprised you didn’t mention it Kati.

[@noramcnabb1361]

Bitch same. I hate asking for help which sucks because I’m 15

[@Nesqira]

I have a question for Katie or anyone who can answer. Is it wrong that my therapist said something along the lines of "sorry if this offends you but is this real problem?" when I brought up feeling stressed about having to go to doctor appointments for health issues (I have had health anxieties in the past but they all were possible, not irrational out of thin air concerns).

[@yunhee93]

My psychologist allows me to emails her and she replies me back. I think it's because I have dyspraxia which is similar to asperger's

[@marrodriguez8859]

Hey, has anyone been through something similar and how did you manage ? (Don’t worry i am 20) I have disclosed abuse (happening now) to my therapist after almost a year of treatment. Her response was that she basically can’t treat me no more if i am not willing to get myself out of that environment as if it was that easy. How are we supposed to overcome things if we can’t even talk to our therapist about it?

[@fatimaaltamimi6448]

im doing great but how are you kati? really? ❤️

[@pandabytes4991]

I'm constantly asking for help, and none of the help I'm getting has been helpful. Counseling, inpatient, ECT... none of it is helping and I don't know what to do next.

[@dabbler1166]

What do you do when--- A Family member dies. You were close. You feel sad but somehow, you can't seem to cry. This makes you feel guilty on top of sad. You go to the funeral. Again, you feel sad, probably horrible, but still no tears. Now, you feel sad, guilty for no tears and also now--anxiety & shame--that others at the funeral will see you not crying. You do care. You were close. You are sad, and the only explanation you can think of is: "(name of person) is just one more meaningful thing (in this case a person) that Life or "the Universe" has taken away from me". It's like you are a sponge that has been crushed and already wrung-out. You fear that "Life" has already taken your tears but it bothers you terribly that no one SEE's you crying. You're afraid people will think you dont care enough. You feel awful that more tears wont come. Any advice?

[@healingjourney2652]

i would just like to talk about question number 5. putting a name to something and saying it out loud has been one of my biggest hurdles and i still run verbal circles around myself instead of putting a name on something ie the sexual abuse.. i can write it but saying it hits so me hard, even saying the absuers name makes me fell terrible, talking about absue in the different froms i have recived really hurts and its hard to accept and say back .. ie my therapist asked me to simply to say i was sexually abused out loudly and i went all red and panicked as i said it, i felt such intensly about it , i actually cried a little.. words are so powerful , my therapist calls me out and says i notice your avoiding specific words right now, in my opinion you were raped r assulted and absued and i understand it must be hard for you to say this out loud but saying it out loud might help you a little

[@yunhee93]

Is self harm and self injurious behavior the same thing ?

[@fzahra5521]

How can i ask a question

[@calebcreationofsound2182]

Hey katy when you gone do the next episode? I wanna share my questions with you.

[@scenepunk09]

This is what she tends to do. She posts a comment on mondays (sometimes like 1am) on her opinions that dont matter channel on the community tab to ask any question that you have. Then wednesday she hearts the questions that seem to have the most thumbs up. Then on thursdays she posts a video answering the questions she hearts...hope that makes sense. I suck at explaining things.

[@calebcreationofsound2182]

@@scenepunk09 naw this makes perfect sense thanks for the help.

[@scenepunk09]

@@calebcreationofsound2182 your welcome

[@monicab8176]

Ruth!!!

[@naarac.5046]

Hii kati, can you please talk about infantilism????

[@aidis138]

Okay, i'm stuck. Why "my patients"? Is client becoming a patient when they get diagnosis from psychiatrist? Because psychiatrists are medical doctors. So they are patients of psychiatrist and alongside with that are also your patients. Or when they getting diagnosis from therapists? But therapists are not md, so why "patient"?

[@stellarart3444]

Therapist unavailable. What then? Asked several times. What then?

[@Rhonda-4peaceandgratitude]

Don't know shit about fuck lol. I love your way of the saying it they way it is. Peace, love and gratitude.

[@OzwaldCobblepot85]

I am shocked to hear that self harm is so poorly understood and pla ed solely under Borderline Personality Disorder! I'm shocked that talking about it de-monetizes your video... I had no idea.

[@chantellekaro4344]

Sigh, now I need wash your videos on ended sessions with a therapist. She told me last week, we will be ending it in march. And it will be always online now, I can't physically see her. I've seen her for over a 2 years now, the only one I've learnt to trust that it took me over a year to feel comfortable crying in front of her.