Ep. 336 | Things That Matter (with

The Minimalists speak with Joshua Becker about Things That Matter, becoming minimalist, and finding purpose. Watch “Maximal” episodes of The Minimalists Private Podcast exclusively at Patreon: / theminimalists
Questions answered in this episode:
00:00 How do I discover what truly matters when I’m already struggling to find meaning in my daily life?
02:13 How do we discover our purposes?
07:46 Would you change your minimalist journeys based on what you know now?
12:27 How do we recoup and regroup from the past purchase of a luxury item, especially when we’re trying to recover from the financial repercussions of the purchase, such as a considerable car loan?
15:11 What does Joshua Becker recommend regarding vehicle purchases?
21:18 How do I reframe minimalism as merely a tool rather than a goal?
29:31 How do I ensure my needs are met along with those for which I’m a caregiver?
37:27 Listener comments and minimalism tips.
#TheMinimalists

[@Bleufacez]

I totally felt that emotion from Joshua Becker when discussing having a season to care for aging parent. I had to help mom with my aging dad. As a child of 4 kids... I was the only one who helped the most. Though those days/weeks/years were hard, the one thing that kept me going was this is only for a season. When I lose dad, I will miss/regret the days when I could've helped but didn't. When he finally passed in October 2020, I was feeling very content because I gave all that I could. My sisters felt regrets and now they're trying to make it up with mom. And, yes, I had to decline many outings, invitations, etc. I even had to take 6 months off work because the stress was too much and I became sick myself. What time I had available, I spent it for myself so I can recharge. Now I have a lot of time to spend with friends and I can be that understanding person when my friend needs to take time for their aging parents.

[@jamie86403]

I'm a part of the sandwich generation as well and as Mr. Becker states "it is a season". (But I did have to laugh when Ryan was acknowledged for his love of sandwiches. He commented about this many years before and it stuck with me. Probably because sandwichaholics have to stick together 😆. )

[@etol]

Wow I didn't expect to cry over this podcast but Joshua Becker got me pouring my heart out while cooking breakfast.😭 I used to be in that sandwich generation and it was really draining and so much guilt and confusion that time. But looking back, it will always be the happiest moment of my life. Hugs to everyone on that situation. What he said almost feels like a hug, a pat, that encouragement to keep holding on. 🥰🥰🥰

[@jonizabel1952]

I'm in this situation also right now, living with my aging Mother-in-law. It is hard to give up so many of my own desires as a woman, wife, and mom. In a women of weariness, my true feelings came out, and it felt like such a relief. I voiced to my husband that it's not that we can change our situation, but declared that my feelings ARE valid. That helped me a ton to be able to express that to both my husband AND my MIL. And it was a beautiful opportunity to let my MIL know she is LOVED, and that God WILL take care of all of her needs. ❤️🙌

[@sarahevanschwartz1000]

My sweet sister sent this podcast to me and said “minute 29 is for you”. I am sitting in the hospital-again- with my very ill mother while I miss my 15 yo birthday. Took a moment to quiet cry in hospital bathroom. Yes. This is only a season and I am so grateful AND so taxed. Sandwiches 🥪 don’t last Forever so they must be savored. Before I know it both my 3 kids will be launched and my parents won’t be needing me either. This is a sacred full-life time. Good for me to remember that. It’s exactly why I am a minimalist so I can be of service.

[@BrokeMillionaire1]

My 3 favorite minimalists.

[@banirahman4926]

I am truly blessed. Alhamdulillah. I have been taking care of my children and my aging parents. Now my kids are in college. But still I try to take care of them. Now differently … by guiding them and supporting them as much as I can from a distance. I am also taking care of my aging parents. In our Islamic tradition it is a duty to take care of your parents when they are old. Though sometimes it is stressful yet it is a blessing too to be there for them when they need me the most. For this I do feel peace at my heart.

[@kristinamusik7414]

I did Marie Kondos Method when I moved from a big family flat to a small old lady flat. Great to do. But now I have to simplify my life even more. My retirement”salary” pension ? Are small so when it comes to certain things I can´t really be a minimalist. Clothes for example had to be sewed to fit me now. I can´t buy new, like I wish. I think a lot of people are afraid of throwing things away because they can´t buy new if they need to. And of course that could led to hoarding. And old folk can´t live extremely small because they have problem moving. Please do a video about that. Old age and low Income is a very special situation.

[@aubreejobizzarro1208]

I remember being a kid growing up poor, and not being able to indulge in consumerism, and those memories of experiences were some of my fondest memories. Bike rides, the local library, a nice holiday dinner. I wasn’t happier because I was poor, I was happier because I had less stuff that occupied my space and time and attention. Experiences were what made my life richer and fuller.

[@kaddylady5853]

Leaving a toxic relationship made this click for me. Thank you for the reminder that holding on to possessions and a lifestyle which keeps you in a toxic relationship is not good.

[@rcpinzonjr]

Strong, emotional moment with Joshua Becker. We cared for my father-in-law until he was no longer with us. We are "tri-parenting" with my son and have three wonderful, beautiful, grandchildren. Yes, we got and get tired, but to know that we are in this "season of life", has brought more joy than we could ever have imagined. Thank you, Joshua Becker!

[@paccarcrap]

32:20. My parents were 32 when they had me and I was 34 when I lost my Mom and 50 when I lost my Dad. I never had a chance to care for either one. Mom went unexpectedly and Dad did as well ONLY because he didn't confide in us that he had cancer that he refused treatment for. A very proud man. Rest easy Connie & Terry

[@pattir5967]

My three favourite minimalists together! I too was drawn to JB because he was a "regular" family man living a minimalist lifestyle. Although I do find him fascinating and inspiring and I read his blog, I initially couldn't relate to Colin Wright, a young single man traveling the world for years.

[@sitihajarshahid]

may be Collin is living a frugal living...frugal is different from minimalist

[@upnorth316]

Regarding financial mistakes...mistakes lead to regret. If you learn from the mistake, taking full advantage of the lesson learned, you can release the regret and be grateful for the lesson 💛

[@amandasymon4363]

Joshua really has a way with words - 🙏

[@christelschmidt7468]

What a great discussion! At 55, I find I have been/am discovering my values through minimalism. It’s a long process for me but exciting since it shows me what is so important in my life!

[@margaretf6147]

Certain car leases can be sold to Car Max. My son’s car lease was sold to them at a $5,000+ profit.

[@misspenelopediamond1856]

JB brings attention to Christianity and minimalism similarities regarding "stuff" and that's what got me initially interested in the concept of minimalism, which has now become fundamental to me!

[@nnylasoR]

Yesssssssss. ✊✝️👍

[@anjanarao3527]

Feeling glad to see Joshua Becker here 👏 with you both 💚

[@ericawhitfield9289]

I’m so glad people are giving you three the accolades you deserve. You are delivering life changing messages. My family’s every day life is insurmountably better because of you guys. And then I turn around and spread that message to others, like my sister, and her life is better. That is huge when you let it sink in. For everything mainstream society gets wrong, you get it right. And thanks for sticking to your guns, like with the car payment issue. Feeling convicted leads us to change. My 2001 Toyota literally makes me happy every time I get in it because my conscience is clear, my bank account is happy, and my stress is low.

[@bambibiscan4699]

I have been following all three of you for years now. I am fascinated by Minimalism, but the war within myself I liken to Paul's letter in Roman's chapter 7:. For what I wish to do, I do not do. I am a minimalist trapped in a maximalists body. I realize that I have layers of baggage that I need to unpack and fighting my all or nothing mind to accept that it took me years to get where I am and in like it may take years to get where I want to be is part of the intense struggle that I am fighting and it is quite exhausting. Thank you for sharing your insights. I hope that I am able to attend your Toronto event.

[@judylloyd7901]

I think that many people will identify with your dilemma. For some it will hinge on discovering and getting rid of the "fantasy self," which is often behind many of our purchases and holding on to certain items. There is a KZbin video I've watched which you might find helpful. It's titled 'People are Doing Minimalism Backwards,' by Slice of Light 😊👍👍

[@Ikr2025]

@@judylloyd7901 have been struggling with letting go of an outdated fantasy self for a while. But I wonder if its really only possible to replace an old fantasy self with a new more age appropriate fantasy self. Is it possible to have no aspirations as to how we want to be in the future? Is it common for people to be so present in the moment that they have no aspirations for how they want to become?

[@BuckingBronco]

This episode really hit home for me, since I'm a dye-in-the-wool automotive enthusiast. I've raced and restored cars, and widened my social network by joining several car clubs. So for me, cars have been an integral part of my social life. People that aren't interested in cars tend to focus solely on the economic reality of owning them. They do not appreciate their extended value. Recently, friends have encouraged me to join them for off-road adventures. To do this, I decided to get a capable off-road vehicle of my own. I've been wanting to get back into camping, and an off-roader would facilitate that endeavor perfectly. I view this type of vehicle as a tool to enjoy life more fully. I have a decent amount of cash in the bank, but I will probably need to get a small short-term loan to finance the balance. I can still be a minimalist and have a car payment, particularly if the vehicle has the potential of providing years of fulfilling experiences.

[@rosemarywilliams9969]

I had my boyfriend buy a car when we moved to Texas during covid. We just moved back to San Francisco for my job and of course we don't need a car. It would cost more to return it so just for this year I told him we would make the payments and figure out if we will need it in 2022 when we confirm where to live full-time. I know I'm wasting a lot of savings this year BUT the money is worth it to me knowing that I have things set-up if we can't pay for our expensive studio and need to live further away next year. Sometimes you have to let go of the past spending and just not make that same error moving forward. I'm sure we wont need the car, but I know he will need a year to come to the same conclusion LOL :)

[@MandySam13]

I’ve never had a car payment and that was one of the best decisions I made financially. It’s not an appreciating asset. I am in banking and finance. So I’ve seen people make bad financial decisions a lot. That taught me a lot too. Minimalism just solidified that stance. I stopped shopping mindlessly. I decluttered it made my life so much better. I followed both The Minimalists and Joshua Becker when I first got into minimalism. Seeing them together is extra special.

[@sandysmom100]

Three of my favorite minalmaists ever that have changed my life forever! Thank you!

[@yvonneh.3618]

Fabulous answer Josh. "Thank you for taking care of your family"!

[@Sky-Child]

Ryan's perspective on changing the past maybe changing who we become is really interesting. As someone who also had a traumatic upbringing, but has found my place in the world, I agree that we could wish these experiences didn't happen, but overcoming these adversities make us who we are today. That said, Ryan, I like Josh's goal of 0% traumatizing your future children! Please do that one

[@lindsaysimplified]

So excited for this! My favorite minimalists in one room.

[@dbartz5510]

I love watching the three of you.Thank you for your blogs, videos and writing your books. You are all wise and have very thoughtful insights. Over the years, this trio has definitely changed my life for the better. You are what this world needs more of. Thank you!

[@Lunay08]

Im so happy that I stumbled upon minimalism before I made huge life choices, like buying my first car and house. I remember wanting a new car as well as a 300k house with a pool, basement and the works, which would probably be more expensive thinking about it. Now, I will only buy used cars and a very small, less than 100k house. I live in a very small 600sqft apartment in new york and its MORE than enough. We really dont need more to live. I find that living with less has truly tamed me and made me realize how treasured life truly is

[@PaperCranesAndHaiku]

So happy to have stumbled upon this! I’ve been a long-time Joshua Becker fan, and his videos on his channel are not long enough so I rewatch them. I love listening to him talk, more slowly than the usual pace of others, and definitely more intentional and more mindful. I search for his name for longer videos to listen to, and I’m so happy this is 40minutes long. 😌

[@phillipsfor5]

Helping kids out with their financial education is huge!!! We purchased Dave Ramsey's Foundations for the high school in CD version so every graduating class from their charter school had this knowledge. We missed the first graduating class but hopefully everyone after that is getting the same education!!

[@colette9495]

We Filipinos in general can relate about taking care of our aging parents (and grandparents). It's our culture and we are proud of it.. Congrats Joshua on your new book! Thanks for inspiring us :)

[@mariebotha4478]

I have been taking care of my 91 year old father in law for the past 11 years. I just figured that he raised the most wonderful husband for me and now its a privilege to have him with us in our home.

[@capturedbyannamarie]

Love Joshua Becker. Preordered his book and can’t wait to read it

[@alanbirkner1958]

I do a lot of volunteering. Other women I know watch TV or shop. Thanks, Tina, Al's wife

[@belle108jc]

Love to see my favorite bunch of minimalists men connect together. I am eager to receive Joshua’s Beckers new book “ Things That Matter” to add to the Minimalists book , “Love People, Use things.” You all are the best to keep me on track to live my true path in life including living simply so others may do the same. Namaste 🙏

[@restinHim38668]

"How have others have helped you" - brilliant, Ryan. Thanks for podcast. It makes me think and do, I hope.

[@juliemarkham4332]

Love Joshua. Didn't realize he was an inspiration for The Minimalists.

[@denisetracy3839]

You will never regret helping out with aging parents. You will regret if you choose not to help. Joshua Becker is correct. It is a season. I have walked the path and wouldn’t change a day that I helped my parents. I considered the time spent together as a gift. They gave so much to me. I am blessed to have had them as parents.

[@serenakoleno9338]

As a woman, having a reliable car is different from a man, especially a young man. We don't usually know how to fix the beaters or even if the mechanics are being honest. If we don't have a fund set aside to do repairs, or a handy mechanic husband, father, brother, etc. It might be better to buy a newer car under some type of warranty. Car repairs are not cheap and used cars are not cheap either. And women don't want to be stranded alone with a disabled car, especially at night or in an unsafe area. Not an expensive, luxury car, a reliable used car with good gas mileage.

[@natashyas4149]

Boundaries set boundless love. Amen, Ryan. And I love Josh Becker. He started me on my journey too. ❤️

[@sandysmom100]

Congratulations on your new book Joshua , can't wait to read it!! Not only have you three changed my life for the better but we also have to be strong within ourselves. If we are not strong or stay strong we will not make our goals to change my life or other ppl change their life. .Everything you all say resonates with my heart ❤

[@joannemorris1689]

Emotional here watching this....pause for thought...thank you guys...

[@serenakoleno9338]

Took care of my Mom after stroke. Need lots of help, enlist siblings, children, partners, etc. Don't try to do it all! If it is financially possible, hire caretakers for a few hours, and get out and do something for yourself. My Mom was in a wheelchair, but we still went to the mall and other places. Don't neglect opportunities to get you and them outside. Nowadays there are online support groups. Love that you're promoting financial literary in schools. Long overdue! Hope it spreads national. I also recommend starting earlier. Even kindergarten students should realize the concept of household budgets and savings. They will better understand why parents say no to unnecessary or impulsive purchases. They can also learn to save money gifts and allowances for meaningful purchases, charity and long term savings. I hope your curriculum includes investing. The woman with the luxury car payment could be getting compound interest on 7 years of savings instead of throwing money away on a status symbol.

[@leannlundberg3804]

Yay! Three of my heroes together. Thank you for all you do and showing how to live minimalism with a family.

[@justenough1519]

MY 3 favourite people in the Minimalist world! 🤩

[@SimplyBeautiful516]

I feel the same way about going to a sit down restaurant. If you can’t afford to tip the server for great service, then you can’t afford to eat there.

[@thegreathowdini]

3 guys That changed my life view. I’m happy to see you guys together for the 2nd time.

[@jamie86403]

Really great podcast gentlemen! I love how embracing minimalism has allowed you all put time and attention and funds towards making someone else's life better. It's so encouraging to see people being a part of the solution instead of the problem. Bless you!

[@cjfroese70]

“How do you deal with the traumas that come along?” (Thank you for addressing traumas - so many of us are stuck with them)

[@danielpbfs]

Yes!!!

[@tanjab.9714]

Guys, you should invite "the minimal mom" to your show

[@lanegardinier760]

I LOVE your financial literacy project- so very needed for every single person- wonderful! Joshua Becker is part of my daily inspiration, so grateful for all I've learned from all of you.

[@cynthiapittard4086]

Enjoyed your thoughts and advice

[@ismiraypacheco173]

Im so excited to find you all!

[@karlabritfeld7104]

I grew up with very few possessions and didn't suffer. As as teenager people used to ask me how I afforded "such nice clothes." They were cheap clothes but I took care of them because I didn't have many of them.

[@stinaljungstrom8691]

I would say to Diane that she can close here eyes and think about moments when she was happy, and with whom she was. That should give her a clue to people she should spend more time with and what she can do. Often creative hobbies can make us feel happy. Maybe reading, reflecting, writing, meditating, go for walks or museums with a friend, taking photos, paint, knit, go to an new place, playing games, do gardening, dancing, paint some furniture or just google hobbies can help. A good idea is also to try out things that are free. I think we could be happy 1000 years ago without what we have now, so back to the basicis. Maybe cooking or creating something together made them happy then.

[@juliacarey7149]

Three of my favorite people in one place! I love all you share.

[@GantsilyoBaguioYarns]

I love what Ryan said about setting boundaries especially with family. It's true that we sometimes don't want to say NO but we have to in order to do what's more important for us and what's important right now. So glad I came across this podcast. I knew of their work from a documentary and I'm listening to Becker too.

[@miriamivette9612]

Amazing congratulations I am learning alot from all of you Amazing things to be Minimalist is a healthy lifestyle Amazing 🎉

[@MetalBere]

Great episode. I'm a fan of Joshua 😊

[@s.torres242]

Absolutely loved this! I almost ordered Joshua's book have restrained myself this time. Finances are tight so I am so appreciative of your podcast! The 3 of you are awesome!

[@Tflower08]

Beautiful combination, this upload feels like a gift 😍 👌

[@MyBodyIsMyTemple]

I love him, and you guys. It just makes all the sense in the world.

[@katrinsteinarsdottir1092]

Thank you for a great podcast.

[@caliblue2]

It just occurred to me that minimalism is a response to the wealth that we’ve experienced. Perhaps we parlayed it out into purchases and status but I think our intention was for the good. We’re just starting to understand how energy works and there’s a way to channel the experience in a practical way that’s classy and experienced and whole. Being practical doesn’t mean you’re cheap it means you’ve been through it And understand its value.

[@aroguefox]

My favorite v neck is the Uniqlo supima cotton one.

[@hrh4773]

What a wonderful answer of Joshua’s concerning taking care of her ageing parents. Such wise words

[@muchadoaboutkovu]

Our ancestors drove horse and wagon... I think a not so fancy car is still luxury.

[@kristyleavitt8007]

I always enjoy listening to Joshua Becker! Thanks for a great discussion, JFM, Ryan, and Joshua!

[@judymascarenhas8821]

Was super seeing all 3 of you together..I love your philosophies and Joshua Becker was the first person who got me on the minimalist journey and seeing it's importance and benefits and the minimalists and he continue to inspire me on this journey..Thank you guys!

[@lydiasharp6070]

One of your best conversations…thanks always guys!

[@camillaholst7321]

26:40...Dear Joshua; this is so spot on and very, very true in my opinion, too. Thank you, all three of you for this talk/podcast: wonderfull to experience you all together - again. Greetings from Camilla in Denmark ☀️

[@Sky-Child]

Ooh the car payments hit me hard. I have no savings and my car is in it's 20s. I should really get a new car and very nearly did what Crystal did and went "F*ck it, finance me up for a really fancy one" Thankfully my partner put enough resistance in the way that my patience returned and I am back to saving up and sucking it up. Ok so my exhaust is noisy - at least I don't need to walk the 60mph return trip to work

[@megansjoquist459]

Wonderful to see and hear you three all together providing inspiration in all your books and KZbin podcasts! For me, you are all up there with Henry David Thoreau.

[@sandysmom100]

I love you all ! We talk about that all the time about financial educational. Wsh I had it in highschool in the 80's .Thank you, all of you ! God Bless !

[@nicolewilliams2468]

Love, love, love Joshua Becker! What an amazing podcast. 😊♥️😊

[@maryoneill2427]

I hear Peter Doran at the end of this video not the person mentioned. Great song. X

[@VickyHafler]

Just ordered the book. Going to read it and pass it on to a family member.

[@l0ramai]

JB's first answer strongly reminds me of the Japanese concept of Ikigai and while somewhat difficult to grasp and not easy,, really makes for living a meaningful life and feeling content in the long run. Thank you for the great conversation.

[@suzysmith3776]

To Crystal if you purchase a lesser car you will more than likely save in insurance alone to start the savings for a newer car

[@darlahkelley9800]

Awesome Teaching Financiing should be taught in all schools every where

[@terri4353]

Great podcast. I didn’t expect this to be so important, interesting, introspective and educational. Thanks!

[@KateKaden]

Just bought the book and ready to devour it!

[@kolitiokada9825]

The shtuff you bring into your life demands time & attention - what do you want to spend your time & attention on? Enjoyed Joshua's monkey bar analogy and Ryan's reply re: boundaries. It really would have made my day if Ryan did his hair like JFM & JB! ;)

[@nnylasoR]

I concur! And hahaha @ the hair remark Right?? 😄

[@Bonita20us]

So excited for Josh Beckers new book!

[@TheMinimalistsPodcast]

🥳🥳

[@raebean6018]

"Why don't you guys take a stab at it.." - That made me laugh so so hard!

[@lisabloom67]

You can have a car payment and be striving toward minimalism. It's about living within your means and buying something that's practical for your life. Yes, used cars are in high demand right now because the surplus is low. So trying to buy even a used car right now is tough. Plus with world events, supply chains have been interrupted, so demand is up and supply is low. Good luck finding a beater car for $2k where the only issue with it is it doesn't have bluetooth.

[@kimmyrae6138]

Love his summary at 3:28

[@polgara28]

Wow, when your 2 favorite worlds collide! ❤️

[@amandasymon4363]

Wow! This has made me go real deep! In particular as my mother was a hoarder and she showed us (her three children) that parting with things is a scary business. Everything was sentimental to her - she never parted with a single card/painting etc - I so want to be brave enough to let go! ❤️

[@soledadolivares1229]

I love you guys, I just realized Joshuas' hairstyles look the same. Can't wait to read the book

[@upnorth316]

This episode was great 🧡. A thorough review on the "why's" for minimalism.

[@Aliciat2024]

I needed to hear that so thank you!!

[@hrh4773]

Come to Adelaide Australia 🇦🇺 please, guys

[@mariegarcia3560]

Great conversation 😄

[@camillaholst7321]

30:10...🤣🤣 Ryan...that "sandwich-story" about you and Maria, was soooo funny...🤗❤ I'm very happy for you, that the love for sandwiches is one of the many you share 😉

[@kevinspliid8509]

Hoarding prepping supplies is all over utube thoughts

[@user-pf1es7hz2z]

Wow❣️😳 Dream collaboration✨✨

[@rjansen4475]

I love that question: how much trauma to inject. I actually support that or maybe 'how much trauma to allow'. I put in SO MUCH effort into protecting my son from struggle and it's done him a serious disservice!! And turned him into a spoilt brat and a needy burden who thinks he can't do things for himself (or refuses to) I SHOULD have allowed him the space to suffer a little, and figure things out and overcome on his own!

[@georgialuke6148]

In regard to teaching financial literacy to students, students need to be informed about taking out college loans for college. Several teachers at my school are still paying for college loans, and they are in their thirties. I went to community college, then went to a four-year university in my city. I lived at home and worked full time during my college years. Yes, it took me longer to graduate; however, when I graduated, I owed nothing!

[@amdonut8091]

Josh is great!

[@rhocellecailan6242]

Just wow!

[@sunday3pm735]

Financially speaking, taking a car loan at a very low interest rate at such high inflation environment, it can be a good financial decision. But that’s a simplified scenario. For most people I’d agree, better not to take a car loan in general for people without good discipline.

[@danabella6540]

Wow... This good stuff.

[@Aliciat2024]

that would be great to do in Union City NJ!