Ep. 361 | Stop Saying Yes

The Minimalists talk about managing guilt and disappointment when saying "no." Watch all two hours of episode 361 on The Minimalists Private Podcast: / theminimalists
Discussed in this episode:
00:00 Introduction
01:24 How do I manage the guilt I feel when I must refuse the requests of others for my assistance?
04:47 Why is it so difficult to say “no” in the moment?
11:10 Is it selfish to expect adequate compensation for my time and expertise?
13:44 How do I appropriately manage the anger I feel toward the transgressions of others?
19:35 Listener comments and minimalism tips.
#TheMinimalists

[@TheMinimalistsPodcast]

How do you personally say “no” when you feel pressure to say “yes”?

[@GoldPuffin]

I said yes to this podcast

[@nicole1184]

“No, I don’t think that is for me”. Perfect answer to questions that expect “yes”

[@jdashie]

In a perfect world ..yes... but its not that easy

[@Themilsedition]

Anger is the culmination of a desire for change and the lack of movement. Getting angry shows us that something needs to change right now! It's how we decide to make that needed change that determines whether the use of the anger was positive or negative.

[@Lifeisbeautiful-ri2tb]

A friend asked me to get together for lunch on Saturday where he lives which is two hours away from me. I suggested we meet somewhere in the middle so we could each just travel one hour. I thought it was the fair thing to do since I went to his neck of the woods the last two times. He hasn't gotten back to me but I needed to stand my ground this time. Friendship is a two way street and maybe that is why we only see each other once a year.

[@graciousme2258]

It would be good if he says yes! Let us know

[@Lifeisbeautiful-ri2tb]

@@graciousme2258 I have invited him and another friend to a meet up for lunch and drinks at the halfway point. He said most likely he can join us in a few months when the weather is warmer in the late spring.

[@kevinadams9468]

That's not what a friend would do. Jettison this person.

[@VooDooSue]

"...anger is data." A brilliant observation. Thank you.

[@bridgeskylive]

💯 Worth the 30 seconds TK !!! I rarely feel intense anger, but my therapist taught me how to turn the healthy human emotion to fuel handling things I've been distracting from. Example, a procrastinating conversation held in limbo out of fear, I use the rush of rage to address a separate issue from the initial upsetting incident to uncover the lioness beneath the front of my delayed lamb :)

[@erindemay2629]

Great answer! I also realized how kind it is for me to say no instead of getting a resentment.

[@Jennifer-bs6oy]

Great comment!

[@deborahalana8027]

Thank you so much, TK! As an human rights activist, your reflection about anger put into words what I was trying to process: how to transform the rage of injustice into a positive impact in the world. Sending good vibes your way🌟💜

[@tinap3878]

I just had this conversation with my employer. I was asked to work over my time and even though I would get compensated I said "no" she asked why which I explained and then I let it go and she understood.

[@jackie6903]

I think the teacher not wanting to say no is more about her own ego and how she looks to others. She is used to being admired for all the things she does and doesnt want to be disliked.

[@sarahlockridge7879]

12 steps have helped me a lot with all of this! Anger, saying no, etc

[@AvivaSingsOut]

As a recovering Yesser - I think part of it is being a workaholic and scared to say YES to relaxing and me-time more so than scared to say no

[@xenaboz]

Thank you for this topic. Since I watched this on KZbin November, 18, 2022 I started to practice saying “No” to things I don’t want to say “Yes”. Before then that I was just silent to these things or just saying “yes” even if I had other plans, mine own things to do, but instead I was making favors to others, just because for me it seemed easier to say yes then explain why I cannot do this or don’t want. Now I’m back to that video to listen T.K’s reminders to question myself and find a right answer to a person who asks me for help and I feel already overwhelmed and really had other plans for this weekend

[@elaineclaire7063]

Saying Yes to others is saying no to yourself. take care of your needs. You do not need to please everyone. I used to say yes to every commitment and everyone, not everyone appreciates us. We need to choose wisely on our circle. I love TK on the intention and challenge us action - but sometimes those challenges only creates conflicts within the relationship/ friendship - Not everyone can deal with rejection, rejection requires more empathy and courtesy especially when it comes with people, we need to filter our words carefully when we say NO to others. People walk away when rejection happens. I love this conversation. Commitment is something that is so underrated.

[@phyllisthayer3695]

Just say no. If you offer a reason, it will give the asker the option to argue with you.

[@venusarachnid7641]

Just before I listened to this podcast, I heard the song Free In The Knowledge by The Smile. I was blown away by them profound positivity of the song. I just stopped what I was doing, closed my eyes, and absorbed the song.

[@theresacollins1653]

Hi! Just a comment about the buzzer. Could you do a silent one? It sort of shocked me out of my reflection of what was being said. 😂

[@Pausereflectandbreathe]

Wow! Love this one! Thank you!

[@ufink]

Thanks for pushing for that story TK! ☺️

[@heidilopez-felix8105]

Thanks TK!😊

[@kimberly8185]

I've gotten to the point in my life where if I feel pressured into something it's a hard no. Even if I was willing in the beginning I don't respond well to manipulation and pressure.

[@lisatrevi9762]

Had no idea about The Smile. Thx for the rec.

[@lauragoodman8475]

Love the discussions around being comfortable saying no and setting boundaries! To the part of thr private podcast that talked about the sunscreen topic, I will just add a perspective that differs perhaps but in NZ where I live we have a hole in our ozone layer and I believe we do have a higher percentage of skin related cancers here. I'd be interested on Josh's thoughts about that.

[@jennrusk5914]

Thank you for this. ♥️♥️

[@imbonnie]

Actually most people are selfish and say "no," Just look at all the neglected seniors.

[@1BigFlake]

Yes…my down time is valued time, too!

[@kevinspliid8509]

Righteous anger is okbut i agree with be angry and sin not.

[@Teaandabuscut]

i dont like the clock it stops the flow and makes it rushed and not nice, it sets my ptsd into action.

[@shannensaito9746]

it's hard man

[@sarahlockridge7879]

Practice 😁

[@mariadelourdesaniessanchez9731]

people is crazy Iam no control

[@mariadelourdesaniessanchez9731]

all the people is in the room every day Iam be black