Ep 81 - Cancer Vlog: Rallying? Miracles? Is there even a difference at this point? 10/19/2022

[@mamabear0]

From a woman that does not a have a man that would do what you did for your beautiful wife, thank you. You truly are a good man. Prayers for comfort for you & God bless you sir.

[@Beyond_Cancer]

Hey mamabear, I'm so sorry about your situation! I just did what God asks of husbands - to love my wife as Christ loved the church. Sacrificially. I couldn't physically take the cancer for her, but I could do everything I could to make sure she had everything she could want. Even if it meant every bit of my strength and pain. There's nothing special about what I did. It was the bare-minimum that husbands should do. I feel terrible that I wasn't able to be a better husband, because I know in my heart - that I took way too many shortcuts. And I know that I'm forgiven for those shortcuts, but... my God, my God... why didn't I push harder?

[@lnewbury1]

Brittany is gorgeous and in her peace in this video. She is an Angel always looking over you. ❤🙏🏼

[@Beyond_Cancer]

Thank you, Elizabeth! Brittany was certainly one of a kind. When she wakes up fully in the next few videos, she becomes more of herself. But, I believer you're right - she'll always be with me. All the lessons we learned together, and the growth we had. It was such an amazing journey together.

[@mab790]

Darrin, your heartfelt efforts to get Brittney the best possible care brought about the 3 month long miracle. It took both of you and your love for each other to bring about the miracle.

[@Beyond_Cancer]

Thank you, Maureen!

[@donnamariedunn3944]

Tears are just streaming down my face. You are both so special and strong. I know you had no choice, but to be there and be strong for Britney. God and love gives you that strength. Love, hugs and prayers. ❤️

[@Beyond_Cancer]

Thank you, Donna! I really appreciate it!

[@MargoBarackman]

Oh Darrin you have been thru the ringer.I adore you, I was a caregiver and I have seen it all too….almost. How lucky she was to have you.💕💕💕

[@Beyond_Cancer]

Thank you, Margo. It was so wild.

[@MrsJulieannG]

Hi Darrin 😊 When she walked into the room while you were talking in the beginning of this video, I thought she was the most beautiful site to see at that moment. She looks so peaceful too in the midst of all this, she looked at peace. Thank you for sharing this ! Much love and prayers for your heart. I know you hurt. Your friend, Julieann

[@Beyond_Cancer]

Hey Julieann! Oh yeah! She was very much at peace. The loopy-delusional state lasted a few days while her body woke back up. I think it all kind of worked together to create this "perfect storm" type environment where she could have that peace, and be so comforted, and not have any pain. It was truly a blessing.

[@beverlycilurso5021]

You are such a wonderful man your wife is such a warrior god bless you both

[@Beyond_Cancer]

Thank you, Beverly! So much! Since you're new around these parts, lemme give you the "template" - I try and post this to all newcomers. If you've seen this before, or if you've been here awhile, and I just don't recognize you, please ignore this: This is Darrin, (Brittany's husband) She passed this January this year (2023) from Kidney Cancer. We filmed a lot of videos and Brittany wanted to upload them, and she was able to do so for awhile. But as she got sicker, she wasn't able to post them anymore. By the time she passed away, we were a year and some change behind in videos. So now, it's on me. I'm posting everything we filmed. And there's a lot! And I've got more to go, too! You'll notice on every video I list the date, including the year that the film was taken to help avoid confusion! The one you watched was from 10/20/2022. The story is wild. God shows up in big ways (sneak back to episode 22.5 if you want to hear why I think you should keep watching despite the fact that she's gone) and God shocks EVERYONE in our lives. Brittany wanted to touch lives, and she felt called to do these videos, and would often say if she could touch just 1 life, then it would have all been worth it. I hope you continue watching along with us for the journey! We do, get a miracle... a HUGE one. (Episode 80 and forward) It just wasn't quite what we expected. You've messaged me riiiiight at the point in the story where we see God move in some amazing ways! I hope you continue watching!

[@binebum1]

❤❤❤ I'm glad you had that period, of rallying, for both of you, a last window of being with the person you love. The rest is pretty harrowing, watching life fade, in someone so pivotally important to you, I don't know how you managed; it will take years to heal I think 🤝🙏

[@Beyond_Cancer]

I don't know, Binebum... I just don't know. She meant so much, and she still means just as much... She's just not here physically, anymore.

[@binebum1]

@@Beyond_Cancer yeah it sucks. But mentally that special partner is there in the ether, you just have to picture them there. I can do it, and it brings a smile to my heart. But it doesn't help me function in the real world! And when I turn to the 'real world', there is this constant feeling of a gaping hole, not attended to, and I get bored and I just want to be alone, to process this pain, and love and loss and mistakes and grief and happy memories. Maybe I need to do what you do.... us photos, and write the whole story. Write it out of my system, so to speak. It is probably one of the strongest needs... the drive to help ......and the drive to share the story💛🌸💛🌸

[@cazharris5581]

These videos must be so hard for you to view and edit, Darrin although Brittany’s determination and tenacity is inspiring - it really shows your strength as a husband and partner in Brittany’s (and your) journey. I wish you comfort and peace x

[@Beyond_Cancer]

Thank you, Caz. The journey has been tough, and now that it's at it's end point, I wonder what is in store for me. Only one way to find out though.

[@rhondawhatley1591]

Omg it is amazing seeing her trying her best to fight. She is a warrior. Look at her talking

[@Beyond_Cancer]

Yeah. She was quite the fighter!

[@amandag7777]

This broke my heart. My mom has stage IV brain cancer… and although she hates me I wish I could be there for her. I loved the hymns… it looked like she enjoyed that so much. God bless you. And thank you for sharing ♥️

[@Beyond_Cancer]

Thank you, Amanda! I'm so sorry that you're in a situation like that. Have you tried reaching out? Or do you have any desire to? (If I'm getting too personal, do you don't have to respond). And you're right, Brittany ALWAYS loved hymns! She may have been a lot loopy in this video, but, that part, there was no change in her personality. haha.

[@amandag7777]

@@Beyond_Cancer I have tried. Once she was diagnosed she told me I was loser always have been and always will be. It crushed my heart. She was diagnosed in February. After that…. I have just stayed in prayer every single day for her.. and honestly for my heart. I love her and as a mom myself I just don’t understand.

[@Beyond_Cancer]

I'm so so sorry. I can't imagine. I join you in prayer! For sure! Right now, even.

[@fiageldenhuys6888]

What a strong, courageous, beautiful God loving woman.... I have no words... Darren you are an amazing, wonderful husband. I know it must be(have been) SO EXTREMELY HARD.... I have the utmost respect for you. Thank you so much for keeping on sharing.. God bless you... ❤❤😢❤

[@Beyond_Cancer]

Hey Fia! Thank you for your blessings and respect! I really appreciate it! I just tried as hard as I could. I failed a lot, too. Make no mistake. But, I always just wanted to make sure that I was being a good leader and husband for my wife. I loved her so much.

[@lauramau2530]

Just started watching the video but I wanted to jump in really quick and share something. Last October, I don’t remember what day it was around the middle of October, I think, my husband’s creatinine level Rose to a nine! I didn’t know it at the time of course, but I took him into the hospital because he was completely deluded. This was part of a mystery, neurological illness, combined with alcoholism and diabetes, ( he started getting sick in Jan 2021) that ended up with him entering a nursing home in February 2023. Fortunately, he is better now and living at home. We have had a few little relapses (with the alcohol and he has 2 amputated toes from the diabetes) We don’t know what the neurological condition is, but it doesn’t seem to be progressive, which is an absolute blessing as he had previously gotten a dire diagnosis of PSP. (Atypical Parkinson’s) Just wanted to give you a hug. I know what you went through with that. It’s horrible. I wish you guys had a better ending but I know that Britney is with Jesus now but of course you miss her so much. So glad you got more time and many blessings ❤😢❤

[@Beyond_Cancer]

Thank you, Laura! Yeah, I know the "juvenile-like-regression" could be caused by a number of things. We never found out exactly what it was, but we didn't need to. In the next day or so, it all went away. So, we just accepted it as part of the journey - whatever it was. Brittany had so many instances of "oh... that's weird" that something like this was just... normal. It was a weird time, but, I was just happy in this moment to have part of her back. Additionally, I'm really happy that your father is doing better and is living back at home! What a blessing!!! And I'm really glad that he seems fairly stable! And lastly, thank you for the virtual hugs!

[@lauramau2530]

@@Beyond_Cancerthanks for replying! It isn’t my father- it’s my husband. 😊 ❤

[@annabrahamson4320]

My brother in law was an alcoholic sober for 5 years when he died from a neurological disease caused by many years of alcohol abuse. He started drinking very young, his parents were alcoholics and their kids had to fend for them selves. Very sad story. His first symptoms were in his arm. He was only 54 when he died.

[@Beyond_Cancer]

Sorry Laura! I didn't mean to get that wrong!

[@Beyond_Cancer]

I'm so sorry Ann! I couldn't imagine!

[@Barbara-ch3qf]

It’s so very sad/painful to see her like this. She is/was so young her body and mind are fighting to live. This must have been so hard for you-to watch someone you cherish teeter on that edge between life and the hereafter. You were so strong in your care and support. Whatever failings you think you had at this time, give yourself compassion. We are all only human and your heart was breaking.

[@Beyond_Cancer]

Thank you, Barbara! I'll be honest, this whole thing was just pretty amazing. I was scared I would lose her again, sure. But I think I was just so excited to have her back. My best friend. My battle buddy. I don't think I could fully comprehend what was happening while this was going on.

[@Barbara-ch3qf]

@@Beyond_Cancer im sure it was shocking. You had a kind of plan (eat! Get stronger!) and then suddenly the earth shifts on its axis. I feel so sorry for you both. So much emotional and physical suffering. She had such a strong will and you had such hope for more time.

[@jennifersanders2456]

Hospice is such a Godsend. I used to be part of the office staff at a Hospice Group. No wife could ever ask for a better husband than you. All of this has actually helped me to appreciate life more and love the Lord more deeply. Peace to you. 🙏🏻

[@Beyond_Cancer]

Hey Jennifer! I'm glad that we could be a part of your story! You being here has been a part of mine. As for me, I tried to do what I could for my battle buddy in her hours of need. Thank you for everything!

[@michhart4237]

Darrin I followed your beautiful wife's journey the first videos and now I follow again seeing them more through your eyes. If this is the last time we see Brittany she was still so beautiful, as if made of porcelain but with fire inside her. God blessed her with those extra months to help you except the situation, he didn't just take her away, he knew he had something special. X

[@Beyond_Cancer]

Thank you Mich! It's not the last time, maybe 10 more videos or so. And you're 100% right, she always had such fire!

[@tiffanywilliams4126]

It’s so good to see Brittany and hear her voice get stronger the more she talked. To have her (present) in the moment is such a blessing!, I agree shes strong-willed and has a fighting spirit. God is so good to have created such an angel, and she is not done with life…. Hugs to both of you, and thanks for sharing these moments with all of us….😊

[@Beyond_Cancer]

Thank you, Tiffany! Having everyone here supporting me along the way has been so amazing!

[@elizabethconroy7665]

You are a truly a loving husband who has cared for your wife well

[@Beyond_Cancer]

Thank you, Elizabeth. I just tried to keep in mind my vows, which come from Ephesians 5:25 - "Husbands love your wives like Christ loved the Church." In other words, I tried to love my wife sacrificially. I would give 200% every day for the rest of my life, if it meant just 1% more comfort for her. And I kept that in mind as I tried to care for her, every day.

[@132allie]

I just watched this again... She was not ready to say goodbye. She was so young, it's so hard to accept death. She probably came back to solve her family issues. Maybe she prayed for strength. It's amazing how strong our bodies are created to be, how much we can endure, and how much strength we can muster. Her faith and her youth were also in her favor.

[@Beyond_Cancer]

132 Allie, you're absolutely right - I think that a little bit of all of this was wrapped up in it. It's so hard to put my finger down on any one piece of what I was going through at the time. Brittany herself didn't remember much of anything from the whole experience.

[@kimberlyhendren2097]

So happy to see her beautiful, sweet face. I understand this is in the past, but what a beautiful thing to share. I know what rallying is...I have seen it too in loved ones. So glad you had this time....I hope the outpouring of love in these comments gives you some comfort. p.s. the Neosporin thing had me laughing. How sweet.

[@Beyond_Cancer]

Thanks Kimberly! It certainly has been uplifting!

[@beckymellon8135]

Amazing, Darren 😳 your face lit up when she entered the room🥹 seriously unbelievable!!!❤️❤️❤️

[@Beyond_Cancer]

Yeaaaah, it certainly did. Things keep happening throughout all of this, and I think the whole thing was just "breathless." like, I still don't have a clear recollection of it. And these videos are almost all new to me.

[@darlenepietzak9847]

This video made me cry so much. No one should have to go through this. I hope you had someone to speak to and still do. I don't know what else to say. Damn Cancer! ❤

[@Beyond_Cancer]

Thank you, Darlene! I do have someone I speak to every week. And, I'm surrounded by family.

[@marcospacheco9689]

She was a fighter indeed! Cancer sucks I am a survivor Im sorry ( nat)

[@Beyond_Cancer]

Marcos, thank you! She really was! And I'm sorry you've had this battle too... It's nightmarish, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. You hang in there, Marcos. God's got you. He's got all of us!

[@lynneosborne5200]

Aw Darrin I wish I could give you a big hug, god bless her and you.❤😢

[@Beyond_Cancer]

Thank you, Lynne! So much! I'll take all the hugs and prayers I. can get right now.

[@cathysmith6956]

You both are so special and my god is she a fighter God bless her you need to keep your strength up. You’re very strong person you’ve been by her but every moment you’re wonderful but you need some rest it’s showing love you both.❤❤😅😅😊😊😊🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

[@Beyond_Cancer]

You're absolutely right, Cathy. By this point I was half delirious with exhaustion.

[@holliethomson6147]

Hi Darrin, bless your heart ❤ Beautiful Brittany, such a sweet and adorable Angel, bless her beautiful heart ❤ I'm sending you so much love, peace and comfort always ❤🙏xxx

[@Beyond_Cancer]

Thank you, Hollie! Thank you so much! I need all the prayer I can get right now!

[@lisawhite3648]

Oh Darrin you can see the love you had with your wife.She is in Heaven.🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻For you

[@Beyond_Cancer]

Thank you, Lisa!

[@lisawhite3648]

Of Course

[@bagscomeandbagsgo2343]

Darrin, I'm so sad seeing her like this. God bless you.

[@Beyond_Cancer]

Thank you, Bags! God had plans for us, and we got walk those plans out. Ultimately, it was a blessing!

[@charleneking7078]

Bless your heart ❤️. I hope you're coping.

[@Beyond_Cancer]

Thank you, Charlene! I'm trying. As best I can.

[@cathysmith6956]

Oh Britney Yanni God bless you

[@Beyond_Cancer]

Thank you, Cathy!

[@julieford6204]

It's so sad but she look peaceful but its not easy to see her pass I your arms

[@Beyond_Cancer]

Hey Julie! This is Darrin, (Brittany's husband) She passed this January this year from Kidney Cancer. We filmed a lot of videos and Brittany wanted to upload them, and she was able to do so for awhile. But as she got sicker, she wasn't able to post them anymore. By the time she passed away, we were a year and some change behind in videos. So now, it's on me. I'm posting everything we filmed. And there's a lot! And I've got more to go, too! You'll notice on every video I list the date, including the year that the film was taken to help avoid confusion! The one you watched was from 10/19/2022. The story is wild. God shows up in big ways (sneak back to episode 22.5 if you want to hear why I think you should keep watching despite the fact that she's gone) and God shocks EVERYONE in our lives. Brittany wanted to touch lives, and she felt called to do these videos, and would often say if she could touch just 1 life, then it would have all been worth it. I hope you continue watching along with us for the journey! We do, get a miracle... a HUGE one. It just wasn't quite what we expected. You've messaged me riiiiight at the point in the story where we see God move in some amazing ways! In the next video, she wakes back up fully! I hope you continue watching!

[@madgrace7992]

Oh Darren (hope I spelled your name right) I just feel for you so much. Sending you a big hug

[@Beyond_Cancer]

Hey Mad Grace! It's close - Darrin. Close enough though! Thank you! I'll take all the support I can get right now.

[@Gigi-000]

You are so amazing ❤🙏❤️

[@Beyond_Cancer]

Thank you, Gigi!

[@kristimartinez7528]

Did the confusion start because of the meds or the malnutrition? You can still see her precious heart and spirit. The songs were beautiful and she looked ao happy in that moment.

[@Beyond_Cancer]

Most likely the malnutrition. But there's also a chance that the meds just became toxic to her. And yes, she always loved hymns!

[@132allie]

was this the last clip of the night she died?

[@Beyond_Cancer]

132allie, not at all! This is Darrin, (Brittany's husband) She passed this January this year from Kidney Cancer. We filmed a lot of videos and Brittany wanted to upload them, and she was able to do so for awhile. But as she got sicker, she wasn't able to post them anymore. By the time she passed away, we were a year and some change behind in videos. So now, it's on me. I'm posting everything we filmed. And there's a lot! And I've got more to go, too! You'll notice on every video I list the date, including the year that the film was taken to help avoid confusion! The one you watched was from 10/19/2022. The story is wild. God shows up in big ways (sneak back to episode 22.5 if you want to hear why I think you should keep watching despite the fact that she's gone) and God shocks EVERYONE in our lives. Brittany wanted to touch lives, and she felt called to do these videos, and would often say if she could touch just 1 life, then it would have all been worth it. I hope you continue watching along with us for the journey! We do, get a miracle... a HUGE one. It just wasn't quite what we expected. You've messaged me riiiiight at the point in the story where we see God move in some amazing ways! I hope you continue watching!

[@132allie]

@@Beyond_Cancer I look forward to the videos:)

[@innakhvan1530]

😢😢😢

[@Beyond_Cancer]

Hey Inna! Thanks for coming along side us and watching this journey!

[@caries167]

Such an amazing husband

[@Beyond_Cancer]

Thank you, Carie. I tried! I kept coming back to our vows - Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the Church. And He died for us! I couldn't die for my wife, but I could die to myself, and just sacrifice everything I could reasonably do, so she could have... well... anything. I made her as happy as I possibly could.

[@caries167]

@@Beyond_Cancer You did an awesome job caring for Brittany. The love shines bright in every video between you two!

[@Beyond_Cancer]

Thank you! So much!

[@elizabethconroy7665]

On reflection,no disrespect intended,do you think it’s wrong to keep on pushing all these extraordinary attempts to keep an obviously dying person alive

[@Beyond_Cancer]

No disrespect at all! We actually didn't have any extraordinary measures. Sure the cancer meds, and treatments the months and years prior, but in this video, the only thing she was on was pain meds. She was dying, and she woke up, all on her own. Well, we all considered it a miracle. I still do.