Every 40K Faction's Breakfast Cereal (yes, really.)

[@thepoorhammerpodcast]

If you stumbled on this psychotic episode and sat through it all the way, please check that you're subscribed, we're really close to 140K and I really want to make a pun post. Also if you want to be the cause of stupid episode ideas like this and want a ton of other benefits like bonus content, check out our Patreon: www.patreon.com/c/SolelySingleton Now get back to everyone commenting about which cereal their faction truly loves best so we get that sweet sweet engagement.

[@lucestrasz2312]

… ignore the +1 sub that may of may not have happened on this video.

[@MetPhD]

I was so thinking Cap’n Crunch for Imperial Fists because sometimes you need mouth pain to go with the pain glove, for that extra clarity. 😂

[@Illindi]

Pin?

[@thepoorhammerpodcast]

@@Illindi ...I am very good at youtube!

[@clarenceweaver1820]

@@MetPhD magic pain cereal, tell me what to do

[@JankTank]

Fun fact: because the Emperor's Children's favorite cereal is Frosted Flakes, its rumored that they're getting a faction-specific tank based off of the cereal's mascot: the sturmtiger.

[@mrthinktank448]

Peak comment ngl

[@AngelFloresOchoa]

Damn ... This is great 😂

[@petermullan145]

if world eaters arent khorne flakers, im gonne be pissed

[@M0torsagmannen]

Khorne for the Khorne flakes

[@zackbob6]

Got some bad news...

[@Juliusstarcraft]

Rogue choice but they are captain crunch cause it causes your mouth to bleed I bet

[@rickkcir2151]

Sorry, the Aeldari being so ungodly bland and boring caused them to take the Corn Flakes.

[@AzureKite619]

Khorne Pops

[@Egalia_1]

Imperial Guard: “What is this? It’s incredible!” Commissar: “It’s…. It’s food.”

[@TSInfiMa-r6z]

Commissar: "Don't tell them it's packaged ambull meat."

[@mrvoltem9379]

​@@TSInfiMa-r6zimperial guardsmen would love ambull

[@Shabowdiadlo]

Imperial guard eating: *muffled huh?*

[@chefmike231]

L

[@austinbarger4685]

Grey Knights cereal is perfect. Because Wheaties also don't have psychic or hammers

[@williambryant6175]

☠️☠️☠️☠️

[@DrUmbreon]

I'm going to go out on a limb and say this was based entirely on a khorne flakes pun

[@StarkMaximum]

They don't ever mention it, but this episode was inspired by a random comment on the KZbin channel. I don't remember which it was but someone suggested it as a joke and the channel (whoever runs it, I assume Brad) responded with "Hmm..." or something along those lines. I distinctly remembe seeing the comment that eventually lead to this video.

[@definitelyhooman7939]

Imma be real for a second, this podcast really got me through this year. My health has been incredibly poor since March, and I found myself with an enormous amount of time on my hands with very little energy. Not only did these videos introduced me to a whole new world, they've given me something to look forward to each week. They've helped me sleep, entertained me while I'm awake, and I really appreciate the work you put into this channel (yes, even the clickbait reaction/tier lists). Hope you're enjoying the holiday season, and can't wait to see what comes next in 2025!

[@thepoorhammerpodcast]

I do hope things are getting better for you. Thank you for the kind words.

[@ArchangelAzriel1223]

Hope things start going better for you, man,

[@L0UiSh]

Ultramarines could be that magic spoon cereal, it’s an expensive subscription service cereal

[@derpstick5467]

I’m disappointed that the blueberries didn’t get the Oops all berries from captain crunch, but they’re all blue.

[@Maverick0945]

Brad and Eric you whiffed Admech. They eat Alphabits. 1, it's literally lucky charms without marshmallows, but the cereal is also letters. And the 90's-2000s commercial has a computer as the mascot. Bow before my useless cereal knowledge.

[@COMMISSAR_CHIABUS_CHODE]

its also out of production, so admech are eating dusty cereal they may run out of, which perfectly fits.

[@Maverick0945]

@@COMMISSAR_CHIABUS_CHODE Alphabits STC discovered

[@Lectrikfro]

I'm glad I wasn't the only one who immediately though Alphabits for them

[@freewave04]

4:59 sisters eat Captain Crunch because it scratches the roof of their mouths in penitence

[@AnEmoPanda96]

A Poorhammer episode? At this time of the week? At this time of day? In this part of the country?

[@MarkOfTzeentch]

the was the most podcast of podcasts

[@suspecthalo]

May I see it?

[@mrcaptaina7636]

we're in Bermuda week. At this time of year, we may as well all be lost in the warp lol.

[@Questioningbasics]

​@@suspecthalo Mmmm no.

[@Burntoutloser]

In this economy?

[@AdamJones-tu9lx]

okay, some of the ways im interpreting the 'grading every factions' universe, 1. Craftworlds, Harlequins and Drukhari are all cousins (not the normal stable variety, but the 'christmas is a fucking nightmare' variety) and were all at Grandma's this christmas break 2. imperial knights and chaos knights are that one set of twins who either share the same brain cell, or are fighting over anything (probably either the brain cell, or who gets to submit the armiger/war dog that week) 3. its already been hinted at that custodes has a bad homelife in i believe the tank episode, so lets say that they wanted golden grahams but their father bought them golden crisp, just to try and get them humiliated at school 4. the reason harlequins is showing up to class with less consistent homework every week is that they have turned to the 'pill cereal' breakfast after having their dance class transfer request declined 4 times by Headteacher (or director, or whatever you want to call it) Workshop, and this lead to a drug fuelled manic streak

[@caveychip7]

Some personal headcanons to add more random details: Imperial and chaos knight skip class to smoke pot. Principal J workshop assumes alderi and harliquins are the same person despite them very obviously being 2 separate people. World eaters is the token "athletic jock" with surprisingly good grades and is best mates with orks. Drukarai is the classic goth kid. League's of votann was homeschooled prior to joining the class and is still adjusting to the social climate. Space marines used to be the model student, but after a curriculum change, they find their grades slipping. Space marines and grey knights are siblings, and chaos space marines, death guard, thousand sons, world eaters (and soon emporors children) are all also siblings, along with being SM and GK's cousins.

[@cadettrev762]

I think I hate that I recognize almost every one of these from previous comment sections, but I’m glad I get to see them all in one place now

[@SunriseParabellum_elysium]

absolutely massive, makes quite a lot of sense, especially the eldar bit lmao

[@emzetkin1100]

More headcanons: Custodes, SM, sisters and CSM all constitute a greater family. Sisters is the tryhard younger sibling to space marines, among her wider family she especially dislikes Grey Knights and CSM for different reasons. Custodes are the successful oldest sibling with an offputting spouse (Psykana) Imperial Agents and IG are distant cousins to the SM/Custodes/Sisters family, like Abraham Lincoln and Tom Hanks distant cousins. World Eaters are a football player with CTE, Death Guard are that gamer kid who keeps giving people pinkeye, TSons are the family knowitall, Emperor's Children got suspended for selling contraband rock n roll CDs on school grounds, CSM are the oldest sibling who keeps their younger siblings in check. Chaos Daemons are the ghost of the school's janitor that occasionally flickers the lights or appears in the hallways. Quins actually got suspended for their substance use but sometimes do Craftworlds' homework, Drukhari are the inconsistently amazing weird metalhead. Necrons are from the same year as Eldar and the two have a bit of a rivalry. Tyranids are the roach infestation in the school's basement that occasionally form into a single mass and pose as a student, GSC have been known to leave offerings to the roaches.

[@patg1094]

One time my mom tried to convince me to get Honey Nut Cheerios instead because it was healthier. She had an existential crisis in the cereal aisle when I showed her the comparison.

[@MattSipka]

Admech would eat French Toast Crunch because the cereal looks like slices of bread you’d put in a Toaster.

[@kenupton4084]

I figured it would be Chex because they're spindly, overcomplicated designs.

[@tempusavatar]

​@@kenupton4084 Crispix

[@michaelrocks123100]

Alright now, everyone thank the patrons for giving us this gem

[@thefloatingcontinent9897]

Well congratulations you one commenter way back when. You’ve changed history. Good on ya.

[@philipschorr5145]

Brad! Eric! Split the difference on stodes! They mix golden grahams and golden crisp together!

[@brandonwalker272]

I could see that happening

[@cameronbreeze4029]

I call it, Golden gold.

[@watchdogoffarron2800]

Trix is perfect for dark angles cause their main add forever was keeping the secret of the taste away from the rabbit. Brilliant lmao

[@mechanicsmokems9718]

23:06 Shnap Kraka n’ Pop and pop is a micro bomb squig that will literally explode in your mouth and make your jaw drop

[@andrewford7243]

WE needs to be captain crunch, no milk, no bowl. Straight from the box

[@hyperdimensionalcenturion4628]

Ya know you have a point.

[@JetPantherCrispy]

The butcher’s breakfast digs into the roof of my mouth even now, brother!

[@Triceratopping]

Ork Rice Krispies: Skrap, Dakka, and Krump

[@redspyke8227]

I love this.

[@sadlytemporary4143]

Brad is right about Dr Kellogg, if I remember correctly. Really great episode of Behind the Bastards on the guy.

[@ashgrey8678]

Necrons should eat the tiniest, most compacted crap that only something with teeth and gums made of metal could chew, dry grape nuts. Not to mention, you want to talk about ancient? It was invented almost 30 years before raisin bran.

[@Maladjester]

Grape Nuts is for people who find Wheaties too indulgent.

[@tempusavatar]

​@@MaladjesterI remember being a little kid and thinking 'I like grapes, I like nuts, let's give this a go,' and my mom tried talking me out of this idea, but I had to learn the hard way.

[@socialdeviant13]

But still better than oatmeal.

[@litchie5836]

I unironically like grape nuts. But that is because I have the preferences of a 90 year old grandma, not because I would actually recommend them to anyone else with functional taste buds

[@alecseusalec3418]

Speed running diabetes is US national sport,isn't it?

[@dakotawharton]

'Merica

[@jamesjjameson1632]

Pretty much

[@Adunapheth]

America is a nutritional wasteland

[@nihilsubsolenovum2338]

Don't paint us all with the same brush, Some of us have been trying for decades to improve the diet of our fellows only to get shouted down as "Conspiracy nuts" because "If the FDA approved it then it must be good and your just a crazy science denier".

[@NerdMafiaSV]

Emperor's Children would eat Krave cereal. It's unapologetic decadence, and Fulgrim wouldn't have it any other way.

[@Davidtestrake]

As fun as the biomass story is, tyranids are definitely a huge bag of generic off-brand cereal that is eaten all in one sitting as part of a dissociated binge episode

[@a_paperweight]

Nah it's just eating the entire cereal isle Without paying Shelves and all

[@CordovanSplotchVT]

Finally a better alternative to Bricky's All Factions Explained videos for all the reactors.

[@bobsterss]

If you honestly haven't had Steel Cut Oats, you should give it a try. It doesn't turn to mush. It's got CHEW.

[@thelordofhats]

AdMech is one of those Magic Spoon flavors: synthesized from the ground up, containing none of the ingredients you think cereal needs, and *wildly* expensive for a box that has even less than you think it does.

[@Moon-Set-Lane]

This audio was what i listened to for breakfast, my life is far easier now as i can tailor my breakfasts to whichever army i am obsessing over.

[@729060]

Woke up, saw a poor hammer episode, and thought I was late for work.

[@luisvilla5228]

8:50 Deathwatch should’ve been that Monster Mash cereal with count chocula and Boo Berries etc. Because those cereals are great alone but they DO NOT mix well

[@havelock1982]

I just love that the Astra Militarum gets food designated with an asterisk!

[@lordofacoustics1167]

When you’ve already given the class their report cards and need to keep them occupied for the last week of the year.

[@TunnelDragon44]

I recently saw that there is such thing as froot loops with marshmallow pieces, and that is immediately my pick for what any slaanesh aligned faction would have as their favorite cereal.

[@e102y7]

“I don’t eat cereal, they won’t get something I eat” “The tau eat oatmeal” “Dang it”

[@lightningwolf788]

World Eaters specifically gets chocolate frosted mini wheats with cocaine frosting, the purest of sugar rushes AND the murder hobo rush

[@perfidy1103]

10:00 wait, seriously, Cheerios are essentially saying "if you eat a healthy diet that reduces your cholesterol, then resting Cheerios might not stop that from happening".

[@tempusavatar]

Thanks for the video. My petition for Orks: since the best Ork armies are kitbashed from everyone else's kits to make looted wagons, etc. I propose that Orks should be a mixed bowl of everything, like when you're down to the bottom of 5 cereal boxes and can't make a full bowl of any one, so you have to pour it all in together just to get a full servings worth.

[@piranha6406]

YYYYYEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSS [when every faction's tooth paste flavor]

[@Juan_Akissyu]

But chaos have orange juice too

[@supertinnietank]

For World Eaters I can't imagine anything more rage inducing than the pain, flavor and jaw cramps from Grape Nuts.

[@guybrushthreepwood362]

This is the most American episode yet. A true walk down our confusingly diverse cereal section of a US grocer. I wonder how many of these diabetes enablers your editor had even heard of before this episode?

[@adamstilber8382]

Astra Militarum would be fruity pebbles. Your typical guardsman lasts 15 hours in combat, so it would make sense for them to eat the cereal that turns into a soggy mush in 15 seconds.

[@constantinepeterson6874]

17:12 - ngl, first I was mad. No Khorne flakes!? Huh!? But then I noticed in the lower left khorner of the box it is said: "swole gains cereal". Alright. Wise choice.

[@9807036]

LFG CEREAL! I hope the Tyranids can find enough spoons to feed all them mouths. Happy hols and a happy New Years to everyone!

[@raelpeterson1922]

Life fucks unreasonably hard, love that cereal. I sometimes just grab a bowl full and eat that shit dry and HOOO BOY love it so much

[@TheOnlyTherazan]

"And they lower your cholesterol, I guess." Tyranid players: They do!! My army has never been healthier!

[@ninjapirate47]

Ahhhh FINALLY! The lore accurate episode we've all been waiting for. Hope you guys had a nice Christmas! Shame it's not Old World as Kislev would be well into frosties (frosted flakes for you yanks)

[@Freezezonian]

15:14 the really funny part for me. Is before listening/watching this episode while painting a battletech mini I considered scarfing down a dark chocolate covered gram cracker for "breakfast" before starting to paint.

[@mjr230]

If you're piss smells like cinnamon you're probably at least flirting with diabetes

[@KevinBrewer-gj5ew]

3:41 trix aren’t even different shapes anymore, which is the best part

[@BigGunsNeverTire.]

Imperial Agents are the berries in the promo art for Cheerios and All-Bran: you just sprinkle a couple of the exciting ones into more susbtantial cereals, because trying to make a full meal of them will make you feel sick.

[@SpencerBernard]

This is the funniest thing I've listened to all year. It's tough to paint mini's while you're busting a gut. Thanks guys!

[@depresston761]

In 2025, After Emperor’s Children show up we need the Every Faction’s prom date

[@TNTmage7]

I’m unreasonably excited for this - gonna make my train to DC far more bearable!

[@M0r7r3d0r]

The best part about EC having frosted flakes is that corn flakes were invented partly to repress sexual desire through bland food, but FF were made by the inventors brother to be less bland, and therefore repress those desires less. Idk why Eric refused to believe history, but Brad was right about the creator of corn flakes, except he was a 7th day Adventist.

[@The_Cheese_Is_Real]

On every Imperial Knight, there is a hotel cereal dispenser full of Honey Nut Cherios but no paper bowls

[@H_elios]

CSM should have been apple jax. It's the same as fruit loops but with little spikes.

[@idesofmarch143]

Ad Mech probably eats Corn Squares, but lines them up in rows to eat them as efficiently as possible.

[@andrewnewell1142]

@25:02 we’ll be the superior space marines when we get the second half of our army

[@reappermen]

Eh, while adding the second half of the army would be nice, votann are already much better than Space marines. Both lore and gameplay wise.

[@Naddabeht]

2:18 LMAO, had to stop the video to breathe… I’ll forever see space marines with fruit loop emblems.

[@SGTArcAngel7]

It got me so good 😂

[@arcadia9589]

The Guard kid shifting uneasily when the teacher asks the Tyranid kid what it eats for breakfast

[@Mikikumpel]

My Polish peasant genotype can't even comprehend all these cereals, but this is a fun episode to watch.

[@zvonamir1443]

I now want to see what pop-tart flavours each faction is

[@geepgeepo]

You’d think the emperor’s children would want some of the captain crunch their buddy would be having, but when they get it they definitely get all berries “by mistake”. Truly the pinnacle of excess.

[@Grimbago]

As a person from a country where basically no one eats cereal and they are almost nonexistent in supermarkets, I feel educated on a subject I never knew even exists on such a grand scale. Now I know a lot of brands I will never encounter in my entire life.

[@mixolydius4134]

To anyone thinking "who would want a video like this?" welcome to your first Poorhammer video.

[@Wineblood]

Alternate title: Every 40K Faction's USA Breakfast Cereal (that the rest of us have never heard of)

[@TheDuke07]

The closest to Lucky Charms without marshmallows was the discontinued ABC cereal now the closest is frosted cheerios

[@Brighton24601]

You mean Alpha-Bits? It got discontinued?!??

[@kenupton4084]

Alphabits were not un-mallowed Lucky Charms. Take a real close look at a box of Lucky Charms and then take a real close look at Friskies and Meow Mix.

[@Feszy_]

"Never in my life have I needed something so much and never known until I received it." -Vegeta, DBZA Broly Movie 2:58 Best podcast this year, of all podcasts.

[@stormhawkdude]

Finally watching today's episode and I just noticed Eric has the Grey Knights halberd blade instead of the Commando Choppa and is wearing the Paladin helmet. Berellio, you mad lad, thank you for these edits

[@see317]

I don't know about the Custodes. Sure, the Golden Grahams/Crisp for the whole gold thing... But... The Emperor's special little guys, eating breakfast out of a box? No, they should get the full 90's sitcom breakfast spread, then they grab a glass of juice and a slice of toast because they're late for the bus.

[@J069FIX]

I think the Guard's Cheerios should be the multi-grain one, to represent Humanity in all its colorful variance. I do not know if it is sold in the US, however.

[@vxicepickxv]

It is, but I think they forgot.

[@alecdickens1042]

Yes, all manner of humanity serving in the Imperium. Humans, Ogryns, Felinids, Ratlings, and all. (Hypocracy at work)

[@alecdickens1042]

Yes, all manner of humanity serving in the Imperium. Humans, Ogryns, Felinids, Ratlings, and all. (Hypocracy at work)

[@AggressiveLemur]

Sororitas not having Grape Nuts with Wheat Germ is painful to me.

[@parkerbettinson2797]

"Why does everyone get cinnamon toast crunch? Because it's delicious" he says, as I sit down in front of my newly primed banana boys to paint on a Sunday morning with a bowl of cinnamon toast crunch in front of me.

[@Icarith]

emperors children's cereal is Oops All Berries; looks like opulent jewels, is pure excess of berries, and they taste.

[@giantnanomachine]

Menwhile Guilliman just has porridge. Cooked in water of course, not in milk. No honey, sugar, fruit, or cinnamon to be found. And left sitting for about an hour, so it has cooled down to room temperature.

[@9807036]

18:44 not saying that would have cost you absolutely nothing. not a single thing. But I’m glad you did because I nearly pissed myself laughing 😂

[@cyclops_mc9357]

Milk for the Khorne Flakes!

[@superblobfish2567]

If Tyranids are berries, then one must assume that genestealer Cults are the ones putting the berries in everyone else's cereal

[@AntiEyeglassman]

I just woke up at 12:45 in the afternoon and watched “what if every faction was a cereal” I’m going places with my life

[@claypigeon7063]

At long last, I can raid my beloved cereal aisle for my factions' choice of bran!

[@TrippyTulipz493]

The Black Templars's favorite cereal would have to be Hatemonger's Globule-O's. It's their hateful way to start the day.

[@Lavendeer201]

PRAISE BE TO SPACE KING

[@alecdickens1042]

I figured the main reason for T-Sons having Cinnamon Toast Crunch was that the cereal is DUSTED with cinnamon and sugar.

[@CAPTAINOKIN1776]

Mad props to Jenny for sharing that with us when she really did not need to

[@gojtron]

Guess I'm a chaos daemon because literally a bag of peanut butter cups as I paint my plague marines. Love the no-sell on the oatmeal.

[@thesalmonorchestra651]

Last time I was this early I could actually eat the breakfast laid out in anime they always run past

[@Drax1949]

This was a stealth cereal tier list video. I didn’t think I needed that, but, it was hysterical and I approve.

[@MrGibbification]

I'm looking forward to whatever they come up for with Drukhari. I honestly just imagined a bowl full of razorblades.

[@wesleymiles8756]

Necrons: "I had a bowl of nails for breakfast this morning... without any milk."

[@AntonAdelson]

I need a top-of-the-line highly talented psychologist to explain to me why I'm watching this video right now...

[@EdBurke37]

Surprised you missed the obvious "It no work" follow up to the "ow my pancreas" joke.

[@timgrimstead4063]

Hilariously this video had a Magic Spoon Cereal commercial before it.😂

[@westontaylor6693]

I don't have any notes... Aside from being disappointed by hearing no mention of grape nuts, you try to get a small amount, then like 3 spoonfuls later you already have a full stomach and know that you're mom's going to be annoyed if you don't finish the whole bowl.

[@Weed_Ghost]

This was what I was expecting for Sisters; it's bland, but still punishing 😂

[@RPGrenade]

You can see why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch when the veil between realities has been sundered and the dark aeons of time have aligned. So, yeah....Thousand Sons makes sense.

[@velwein]

Protip, eat cereals like Cookie Crisp dry, then take a swig of milk. It keeps it crisp, and you get the same experience.

[@archellothewolf2083]

Looking at the timeline, I'm upset the Space Wolves aren't Frosted Flakes. Because they're great!

[@patchcoatgrey3434]

*starts laughing and doesn't stop until the episode is over*

[@JasonM69]

I feel Tyranids would be any cereal that has "Now with added blank" on the box.

[@TimeStampGuy.i]

Soylent Green (1973) I always imagined food was like that in the Grim Dark.

[@ridgestorey9203]

That’s what corpse starch is, if I’m not mistaken.

[@bassface1018]

Yea it's called corpse startch

[@TimeStampGuy.i]

Hahaha just making a joke but ofcourse Warhammer already has a thing with detailed lore and books, no doubt. I’ll have to look it up and see if there are connections to the movie

[@ScooterinAB]

I'm pretty sure it's actually a thing.