Existential OCD, Part III: Recovery

[@heimtooth2374]

Thank you both for these series. Over the last past years I have checked multiple of your videos, but never actually wanted to thank you for the support I got from them back then (Sexual OCD). I have been diagnosed with OCD +- 13 years ago (while already suffering with it 8 years prior to that.. I never seeked help in those 8 years because I thought that this was puberty doing this stuff to my mind). I had been on medication for this disorder (also for 13 years). I have recently quited my medication (begin November 2023) and do not know if that has anything to do with what I have experienced yesterday. I certainly hope not to spike anyone, but yesterday my HarmOCD came combined with something I hear you say in the first part of this series "Determination", "Free Will" or "Destiny". My freaking mind .. sugar coated Harm OCD for my loving spouse and beautiful 3 year old son, by giving me intrusive thoughts about "Mabey it is fate that I will have to hurt/kill them.." 30 times - a day.... (this did not come after watching this episode B.T.W... because this is what I stumbled on when I was searching the World Wide Web to find out if I am the only person with this kind of OCD right now). This torturous thing came in such rude way that I instantly got a panic attack and are ruminating about everything what I am doing today: "Is this fate, do I have free Will, is everything that I do pre-destined" and it freaking sucks. I really don't know if I finally have lost my own sanity, and did try to take contact with my old therapist for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, but she is on maternity leave for a couple of months. So (and I know that this is reassurance seeking, and I know it will never gonna help me in the long run) could the philosophical part "Doing it because of fate" .. "Or .. maby it is destiny that I will do..." also belong to the Existential subtype... Because I am so scared right now of my own mind.

[@okays297]

thankyou so much!

[@PurelyOCD]

Absolutely! :)

[@illcalikid]

happy Monday

[@PurelyOCD]

Likewise!

[@CelestarA8]

It seems the exposure is the compulsion, to me, and have difficulty separating the two. I’ll do the exposure and find myself unable to resist using the exposure to figure out stuff and the spiral downward goes faster.

[@right..5651]

You are spot on, it's the same for me. I tried ERP with professional help and it didn't work for me, and it definitely doesnt work for me now trying it on my own... (psychiatric care is moving so slow...) That's why recently I've been looking into trying ACT instead and maybe after i get that down, I'll give ERP another try.

[@PurelyOCD]

Yes, exposures can elicit a compulsive response. It's important to remember the response prevention part of exposures. Without response prevention, exposures are simply triggers.