Fake Sword Defense? (Skall Loses It)

Follow-up video: • Responding to Ninjutsu...
Just about everyone has seen their fair share of bogus "martial arts" demonstrations with hyper-compliant ragdoll partners and whatnot. It tends to be even worse with techniques against armed attackers, be it knives or other weapons.
This is one of those cases... Too fake to work, too hilarious to not comment on. If you've never considered fighting a katana with a log or kicking a staff into the air to disarm a half comatose guy with another staff... well, here you go.
** Music **
"Claim to fame (NES version)" by Snabish
opengameart.or...
"Spinning Tavern" by Inspector J
opengameart.or...
"Winds Of Stories" by Horror Pen
opengameart.or...
Intro song:
"Illuminate" by Vindsvept
vindsvept.band...
Outro:
"Highland Storm" by The Slanted Room Records
theslantedroom...
** Support the channel **
Help fund future videos, get bonus content and other rewards:
/ skallagrim
www.subscribes...
/ @skallagrim
Books about history and/or martial arts, swords, knives, video/audio equipment, and other stuff I recommend (as an Amazon Affiliate I earn commission through these links):
US - www.amazon.com...
Canada - amzn.to/2HeOCMA
Other ways to support the channel by shopping through affiliate links:
Kult of Athena, my favorite online store for reproductions of historical arms and armor, fantasy swords, etc:
www.kultofathe...
Where to get HEMA gear and practice swords:
www.woodensword...
** Social media & merch **
How to contact me (can't always reply, since I get too many messages):
/ skallagrimnilsson
See a list of my video uploads:
/ _skallagrim_
/ skallagrimyt
Channel-related shirts and other merch:
skallagrim.spre...
teespring.com/...
My side channel (for rambles, vlogs, opinions, gaming, etc):
/ @skallhalla

[@Eliphas_Leary]

"Attack the argument, not the person." Worst swordfighting tip ever.

[@BlackDeej]

Awesome mate. I just laughed my ass off. Thanks for that ;-D

[@rosestrohm7986]

Underrated comment

[@nayrod2556]

Where is the argument ?! WHERE is the argument ?!

[@mercs7849]

argument = wpn?)

[@ParaBellum282]

@Albert Fels No. Shame on you.

[@Sableagle]

This guy only knows how to fight opponents who have at least 750 ms ping time and 30% packet loss?

[@TheKnightmareGamer]

He waits for the save spike.

[@_konahrik_]

He's the master at fighting people who have a 2 kbs per second dile up connection

[@AugustSchroif]

100% brain cell loss.

[@yeetman1344]

ye turns out this guy is an ex-military deep state conspiracist who talks about freedom and then disables the comments on many of his videos.

[@_konahrik_]

@@yeetman1344 They're trying to take away muh freedoms!! Forcing me to wear a mask? This is literally fascism!! Oh what's that, the government's doing stuff? That's literally communism! The greys are working with the reptilians and bill gates is secretly joe biden and joe biden is a Marxist-Bidenist confirmed! Checkmate liberals also No StEp On SnEk!

[@matthewconner5545]

“I cast log!” “Okay, I counter with moving at normal speed and ignoring the scripted choreography.”

[@Nerobyrne]

"NOOO, my only weakness!"

[@Direblade11]

Before even watching the log vs. sword it was clear the lighter object would have a speed advantage. smfh

[@BelleDividends]

@@Direblade11 When I saw that scene my first instance reaction (nobody moved yet) was "I have to get rid of this log asap, that weight on my back is going to slow me down horrendously". I believe I have a healthier reaction than trying to flip the log above my head.

[@petrkinkal1509]

@@BelleDividends I suppose if you are far enough and strong enough to do it fairly quickly you cold throw the log in his direction and then run. (Probably, not sure.)

[@nunull6427]

@@petrkinkal1509 throw it lengthwise at about knee height or give it some spin. Saw it in a cartoon I think

[@g0tm04]

“Inject them with a shit ton of heroin” This is the best self defense advice I’ve heard

[@johndododoe1411]

Rather expensive unless you get it at factory cost. A bottle of battery acid, gasoline or toilet bowl cleaner would probably do at least as well to reduce their fighting ability.

[@johndododoe1411]

@uNnHkP8mza It's notoriously expensive at retail prices. Retail customers tend to run out of money.

[@tikkidaddy]

Haldol is faster. They use it with patients in psychotic episodes by injection all the time. It causes calmness and clarity of thinking in lower doses. I think if you signed up to pay this guy for "training" ...a visit to a mental health professional might be in order😂😂

[@orbitalbutt6757]

@Mark Burress I'm a MSN with emergency medical experience. Haldol is not instant and it's definitely not faster in the rough descriptor Skall is using for dosage (a shit ton). Heroin in this area is between 5-10 dollars for a bag. You spend roughly 50 bucks and you've got a hot shot that will hit your brain like a out of control freight train and depending on where it's injected will cause you to totally lose consciousness either immediately or within a couple seconds of injection. As someone who administers Haldol on a daily basis and treats junkies with a shocking regularity, in the situation Skall is describing heroin is the correct answer and this is assuming it's not cut with enough fentanyl to put you unconscious so fast that the distinction between when you drop and "instantly" is basically meaningless.

[@rain8767]

Me in my dumbass reading the comments how inexpensive heroin can be: "hmm , interesting"

[@tigerfloof]

I feel like the paralyzed dude wasn't the only one in the room with a crippling heroin problem

[@iseektheholygrail2055]

Well, the teacher have seems to be more into heroic-induced high than heroin. Still equally stoned tho.

[@jamesbeattie8800]

The entire crew is hopped up on so much drugs they're already dead from overdose.

[@MyNameisRevenant]

So basically i have to be high in order to appreciate the beauty pf this mythical combat maneouvers.

[@brokeandtired]

Ahhhh the ancient technique of Logitsu.

[@loganblevenson]

without watching the video just yet reading this makes me so fucking confused

[@Ribula1]

Skallagrim: rolls out of a sword slash. Me: oh exactly like Dark Souls! Skallagrim : immediately gets hit afterwards. Me:yup, just like Dark Souls.

[@emilycampbell6375]

that wasn't fair, he got hit during his i-frames

[@MM-sx7zs]

@@emilycampbell6375 *Just like Dark Souls*

[@a_val]

gotta be naked to dodge roll, armor and clothes slows you

[@ilikestew5719]

@sbcontt YT In the immortal words of the rolly polly elder lords "Git gud scrub"

[@creativi-tea398]

Too much armour, so encumberance caused the 'fat roll' and has to pause before can roll again. Skall is not yet a master of the rollie pollie.... Those that are, make a terrifying foe. Clad in nothing but a loin cloth, they circle you like some deadly horriflying fleshy tumbleweed.

[@AeolethNionian]

When he knocks the staff out with his foot staff. That's actually an ancient ninja technique to mug an old man with arthritis and a walking stick.

[@olianims]

My god what wonderful technique

[@Moonhermit-]

I thought the trick was going to be him catching the staff in his hands and doing some stupid finisher move. How was the real move even dumber than that?

[@tenebrisnemo9927]

Oh wow, a secret technique that helps you mug a helpless old man. Only a few ninjas in history have mastered it.

[@EyeOfMagnus4E201]

Don’t forget that the old man has to be napping at the time.

[@boostednoodleleagueguy8370]

I just start laughing the moment I read that comment

[@Voodoo_Robot]

The ancient art of bullshido. Yes. I like his improvisation skills. Clearly visible in the defense with a log. He lands a devastating headshot and suddenly realizing opponent arms are in the trajectory of the falling log he immediately invents a new ancient technique and happily goes with the flow. Boom indeed.

[@rasmusforlorn7767]

Bullshido…. ROFL

[@civilprotectionunit8145]

LMAOOOOO

[@fabriziodiaz6136]

Ah yes, a good old reference from Totally Pointless TV 👍🏼

[@TrueChaoSclx]

My favourite Unarmed vs Armed demonstration will always be the one where the teacher just sprints out of the room

[@alexanderhood8993]

Yeah that much more practical in a unarmed vs armed situations unless it’s your jobs to get into a fight with a violent person like if you’re a security guards or police officers for example. As saying goes “You don’t have to run faster than the bear to get away. You just have to run faster than the guy next to you.”

[@ZSmith-yy4lv]

@@alexanderhood8993 now tell me, why would someone who’s job involves violent people be unarmed? Did someone pull the old heroin trick the night before?

[@Xaytan]

@@alexanderhood8993 Having worked as security, protocol for an armed attacker is to run like hell and call 911.

[@alexanderhood8993]

@@Xaytan it’s depends on what security jobs you’re required to do.

[@morgothbauglir8687]

Nikejitsu

[@PhantomSavage]

You laugh, but Lumberjacks have been fending off Katana wielding wood spirits for thousands of years. Normally a good axe will do, but sometimes the children of the forest attack you without warning, and a simple tree branch simply won't do. One must learn the art of Log-Wei if one hopes to survive long as a Lumber master.

[@Dirtbag-Hyena]

"Log-Wei" 😂🤪👏🏼

[@brunocarvalhobernardino3791]

Ahahahah best comment I Saw this month, you can have this👑

[@chaoticparadox3116]

Good one.

[@beewitha50cal]

No joke this sounds like the plotline for a show Id watch

[@minecraftys]

This is true.

[@GeneralCalculus]

“That thing was too big to be called a club. Too big, too thick, too heavy, and too grainy, it was more like a large hunk of timber.”

[@logandunlap9156]

fuck big fantasy swords, show me a character that just swings a whole ass tree

[@crazydiamondrequiem4236]

@@logandunlap9156 Thorkell does exactly that in Vinland saga.

[@atomicboy2687]

Lighter from Mother 3 got your back

[@washinours]

@@logandunlap9156 why stop there, have the trees swinging entire people - gimme an Ents trilogy

[@Hedge_Knight_Gaming]

@@washinours The Ents could tie the people together by their feet and do cool nunchuck tricks.

[@mariotupek9969]

If you’re carrying a heavy log, and something attacks you, the first thing you need to do is get rid of the load.

[@OhCrxzeh]

And what do you do with the log? .................... 🌚

[@Hamstray]

you need to go dump some logs

[@angelarch5352]

yes get rid of the load-- right on the attacker's head as demonstrated! I see nothing wrong here, excellent technique! (for the matrix in slow motion)

[@mikeoxlong1395]

So, basically, you're telling me to shit myself?

[@oh-not-the-bees7872]

Just like unreal world. Cant shoot your bow with a log in your hands.

[@kiddkarbz8620]

He’s using the greatest martial art of all time time. It’s called “paying your enemy to fall over”.

[@ulcer_brisket_1340]

I personally like to call it the Jake Paul strategy

[@wocxdid8068]

@@ulcer_brisket_1340 XD, that made me chuckle!

[@Catgat37]

Even greater, people pay him to fall over

[@Rrruckezzz]

more like: getting paid by the enemy, who then falls over

[@guaposneeze]

You joke, but "bribe the guards" has always been a super effective military strategy. Human factors and "morale" can be far more decisive than weapons or numbers. The Medieval history of northern Italy is basically just "and then the mercenaries took the better deal" copy-pasted over and over.

[@addamhall8214]

The paralyzed staff guy was just a wizard with really low strength

[@Viscool8332]

“Shouldn’t have put all my points into intelligence”

[@B4R7H0L0M3W]

The DM was mad enough to give him a Dexterity check as a wizard and to add to it its a nat 1

[@tjoris9]

He's just really depressed his Magic Missile didn't go off.

[@kristyandesouza5980]

I get it now, he just dropped the staff and the guy got overcumbered

[@Leftyotism]

xD

[@sirbobulous]

I think it is important to remember that this is the footage they decided to put online to show the world. This is their curated best stuff.

[@vaisravana2092]

Tbf the guy seems to be a legit nutcase in general, so I somehow don't blame them too much for that

[@hesperhurt]

@@vaisravana2092 if he's a nutcase... what does it make his students?! I genuinely feel sorry for them. In the same way I feel sorry for dogs that bounce, repeatedly, off of glass doors.

[@dracocrusher]

Makes complete sense because the point of this stuff isn't to be realistic, it's to sell someone a fantasy that if they take your course then they, too, will become this magical hollywood martial arts modern monk that can do all these really flashy technical-looking crazy movie fight things, because the idea is that this guy's supposed to be so good he can just do all this stuff on a whim so just imagine how good you're going to be. And it's just like... yeaahhh... no...? This doesn't work??? But that's the thing, right? It's not meant to be practical, it's meant to look impressive enough to a casual average joe that people buy that this guy knows what he's doing. So if you're trying to sell that then you're not going to fill the highlight with actually useful things like how to throw a proper punch or normal sparring, you're going to put in all the overly-intricate insane flashy BS you can because that's what makes people stop and say "Yeah. If I can do this then I'll probably be good if someone comes at me with a knife or tries to harass me on the street."

[@kabardino1337]

I refuse to believe this is "actual" martial arts. This looks like a bunch of stuntmen or stage actors, just having fun fooling around with the weapons, making situations they would actually find in a stage play or movie.

[@dracocrusher]

@@kabardino1337 I mean, it is, because pretty much all Martial Arts are fake like this just to different degrees of absurdity. The stuff that's actually practical just doesn't look good enough to sell to a mainstream crowd compared to flashy fantasy BS where you can disarm armed attackers bare-handed in one or two moves.

[@LetzGoAntiSpe]

This somehow reminds me of Monty Python's "How to defend yourself when you get attacked by somebody armed with a banana?"

[@grooorglaserdeth8823]

Ah yes, self defense against fresh fruit. Step 1: release the tiger!

[@weswolever7477]

Or a handful of loganberries

[@philipped.r.6385]

The best about self-defense is not to have to defend yourself at all. And the way to this is to learn "How not to be seen"! :D

[@orbitalbutt6757]

May we have a pointed stick

[@thensho]

monty python's "how to defend yourself against an assailant arrmed with a piece of fresh fruit" is more realistic 😂

[@tbc1880]

Sad but true

[@theftparrot5750]

Hey I was accosted by a man with a banana the other day and it really helped me

[@ikitclaw7146]

@@theftparrot5750 you shot him? thats abit of an overreaction! lol

[@vinnyganzano1930]

A wickedly sharp slice of Mango.

[@nannesoar]

HEY, that's legitimate information!

[@BasikLee]

The guy with the staff, that was not his staff. That was his walking cane. He was actually beating up a cripple. Makes a lot more sense now.

[@cadethumann8605]

So he's showcasing how to be a douche. What a douche...

[@cozyy7122]

He demonstrated how to disable an old grandpa. Tried it and it works.

[@zwitch3368]

Like hes litterally collapsing because someone hit his weapon wtf is this xD

[@cont600ml]

finally that guy can teach me how to defeat real evil, my 92 year old grandma, she is such a "C" word... a Cane dependant bitch

[@emilekroth100]

Can we even define that as "beating up", more like "mildly disturbing" the cripple.

[@soggybiscuits9399]

Jeff is a true master, the only opponent this man has ever refused to face is reality.

[@joshuataft5541]

That's a great comment

[@Determinator21]

@@joshuataft5541 no its not

[@Determinator21]

@@joshuataft5541 ⒻⒶⒼⒼⓄⓉ

[@joshuataft5541]

@@Determinator21 yeah it is it's funny...took me a while to look and see what I said an about..been a bit .lol

[@devlinmcbane7255]

Karate is the Dane Cook of martial arts.

[@darthbaluuduh6598]

But this guy has japanese scrolls on the wall, he MUST be a master. Everybody knows only true masters, sanctioned in person by a 600 years old sensei who has participated in the sengoku jidai, are allowed to have japanese scrolls on their wall. It's the rule.

[@johnsonpink6002]

Scrolls he can't read

[@josephborra5754]

@@johnsonpink6002 They're probably shopping receipts, but he couldn't tell the difference...

[@狂刀三浪-r2j]

the scroll have to be written in kenji too

[@somm150]

This

[@gamerleal9265]

By that logic, the Chinese dragon painting I have MUST mean that I am a Dragon Slayer or Tamer.

[@nicjansen230]

Officer: "why are you carrying so much heroine with you?" These guys: "for self defence, officer" Officer: visible confusion

[@Nerobyrne]

wait, if everything is a weapon, can you use the first ammendment in USA to justify carrying literally anything with you?

[@nicjansen230]

@@Nerobyrne That probably depends on how good your lawyer is :P ...but that kind of stuff doesn't work in 'less free countries', like in the Netherlands where you can carry a bit of softdrugs anywhere while you can't carry a screwdriver outside of a construction/repair context

[@Nerobyrne]

@@nicjansen230 it's so weird that America will let people walk about with a weapon that can kill people at range but throw you in prison for carrying around a bag of ground plant.

[@kylestanley7843]

@@Nerobyrne It's even funnier when you consider how Texas allows open-carry of literally anything. There are weirdos down there casually walking around with fucking halberds.

[@blakelindemann8672]

Lmfaooo

[@nathaniellamb2154]

Never underestimate the impact of a compliant training partner...

[@nichmiller4251]

My favourite part of any lesson. I gotten it and I've given it. "You're doing well. Now I'm going to hit you." "Wait, what?!" *thwack*

[@galis4383]

I still remember back when I used to train boxing my coach would just thwack me around if I didn't hit hard enough or exposed myself too much.

[@pandathevampireslaye]

My mom once took a woman’s self-defense class and tried to show my dad something she learned in class. Mom: “Grab me” Dad: grabs her Mom: “Not like that!” Dad: stares blankly

[@varuug]

@@pandathevampireslaye Stop that. It's silly.

[@michaelboyles714]

I think Indiana Jones demonstrated the best defensive technique against someone with a sword.

[@CloningIsTooGoodForSheep]

Yep! Indiana Jones the martial arts master.

[@_implying]

i get it lol

[@pyguy7]

Captain America: "I GOT that reference"

[@bertegue5162]

Flu

[@tyaty]

Yes and no. In a real situation, the situation the assailant with the sword can potentially cut you down faster than you could draw a gun, if if don't try to aim.

[@The12thAvenger]

You clearly misinterpreted the staff clip. It wasn’t about how to fight an opponent armed with a staff but rather how to bully old men who cannot stand without their walking sticks.

[@florians9949]

So it’s prety much teaching people how to be assholes.

[@W4iteFlame]

Exactly

[@Thejigholeman]

This dude was probably that one teen that hung out with 6 year olds and showed them "this new karate grab I learned", and then got pissed off when the kid escaped the grab because the kid was "doing it wrong"

[@tears_of_asariel3198]

its incredible how accurate this comment is

[@kuropotato8097]

Omg This brought back memories xD. Back in middle school there was this kid, I was practically twice his size but he wouldn't stop talking how he could choke me out cause his taekwondo teacher who "Can catch bullets" taught him this awesome grapple technique. Felt like i was being tackled by a wet noodle. Lol the "You're doing it wrong" part really brought it back.

[@nickknife9681]

@@kuropotato8097 as someone who practiced taekwondo, I feel attacked. Then again, all the grabs we learned were promptly followed by kicks, punches, knees and elbows to the head, throat and diafragm. XD Had a friend who trained aikido for a few months shoe me how "good" he is. I let him do everything that was requiered for a "successful" move. He basically had my arm, bent, behind my back, I I just followed trough his motion and grabbed him over the neck with my elbow pit and threw him over me. XD

[@kylemendoza8860]

@@kuropotato8097 I don't know if that was the kid or his instructor really told him he could catch bullets. But if he did. That's an instructor with mental illness are a con artist.

[@planescaped]

Definitely comes off as a "you're doing it wrong" type. You're not supposed to actually react, just do the choreography we rehearsed that makes me look good.

[@SuperVistaprint]

oh man Skall... this is slowed down for us normal petty humans. he is lighting fast - he pulls down your pants, ties your shows, gives you a 5 star haircut and scalp massage before you even blinked once -.-

[@Skallagrim]

Hey now, don't confuse him with Master Ken. ;)

[@justsometurd.1109]

@@Skallagrim he walks into the stab and the guy isn't moving on the log one

[@pascalchevalier2261]

@@Skallagrim please do a review/collab with Master Ken. I want to see a clash about combat tactic with The Most Down-to-Earth swordsman vs. The Most Improbable martial artist.

[@personpersonson7958]

@@pascalchevalier2261 Yes, that would be comical

[@MattheWolf969]

I was sure I wouldn't be the only one to notice the clear truth behind it!

[@forest470]

We purposely trained him wrong, As a joke.

[@danhouseart]

This is the only Kung Pow reference I've seen on KZbin 😂

[@eliaskline5649]

@@danhouseart weirdly true

[@ShuajoX]

@@danhouseart Same!

[@AgnusCavichioliPereira]

@@danhouseart I've seen this exactly one on other videos I think, but I can't remember where. Also: "I'm bleeding. Makes me the winner!"

[@danhouseart]

@Steve Mo "my ass... *evil Betty laugh*" But isn't Betty a girls name?

[@deathsheir2035]

God, I remember taking a self-defense class once. Learning how to escape a grapple. Our instructor tells us, to escape, you need to stamp on the person's foot, which will cause them to loosen their grip, and then you can shove them just right, and put them in a hold of your own, or something. I tell the person I'm partnered with "I'm going to treat this as a real fight, to the point I have you in a hold, I want you to do so as well." He agrees, and I casually put him in a hold, and we both counted to three, for when the "real fight" starts. He goes to stomp on my feet, yet I don't let go, and my grip doesn't loosen. The instructor sees me, and tells me I'm supposed to "play along," and that's when I just walked the hell on out of there. Don't get me wrong, my foot was sore, having been stamped on 10 times with increasing force each time, so I had a small limp on my way out the door. But my pain tolerance was great enough, that the whole "stomp on foot to force a loosening of grip" I knew was complete bullshit. Have not taken another self-defense class since...

[@justusmzb7441]

Go boxing or something. The sparring will improve your ability somewhat, no matter if there are rules... You get at least some understanding of being in a fight...

[@bionicdrangon]

I had a similar case for training on my job, but my partner and I both committed, and the lessons taught were mostly grab escapes. but the difference was they worked and it was a nice little work out that day (we work in ABA and our company doesn't agree with restraints on the clients. hence the just escapes)

[@gamerleal9265]

Reminds me of a similar experience that I had while attending high school. A Sensei came to teach his martial art, Jiu Jitsu, to my Phys-Ed classmates and I for a few weeks. One day I was chosen by him to demonstrate that day's lesson to the class. It was a move where you would twist your opponents wrist after said opponent grabbed the front of your shirt. The move removed my hand from his shirt as it's suppose to. Then he applied the pressure on the wrist twist and I......stood there. I just stood there looking at him because I did not know what I was supposed to do. I didn't move for I was afraid that if I did, my wrist would have snapped. And I did not doubt that if the Sensei had rotated my wrist a few more degrees, my wrist would have snapped and to his credit he knew this too. We tried the demonstration again from the beginning and the same thing happened of me staring at him, stoically, at a loss of what I was expected to do. He then had me sit back down and called a classmate for the demonstration. This time the demonstration resulted in what was expected. The pain from the twist was to make your opponent do a near 180 spin and then have them on the floor with their arm, still being held, perpendicular to the floor. That Sensei did acknowledge that I had a high tolerance to pain. Pain tolerance is a factor that I believe is most often overlooked indeed. In fairness, he did say that if an attacker is armed and is not saying anything to you, that attacker's goal is to k!ll you and you best run away if you can.

[@marblemarble7113]

Would especially suck if your attacker was wearing boots

[@deathsheir2035]

@@justusmzb7441 The frequency in which I get into a situation where self-defense would be needed, is very small, that there really isn't any point.

[@Jakman01]

This guy prebuffed before the training. Casted haste on himself, slow on the training partner, and cast hidden defense log. Insane wizardry with this.

[@VelvetMetrolink]

"Hidden defence log" was my dancing name.

[@degiguess]

This is like when you're 9 and your friend takes karate and he won't shut up about how awesome "sensei Doug" is. This guy is sensei Doug.

[@ikitclaw7146]

lol i had this friend, he made it to some Dan position i think they call it, then went round school bragging, another kid challanged him, punched him in the stomach n threw him on the floor and twisted his arm till he cried submission. Lesson here, wrestlers can whoop martial artists before they can react lol

[@papahairy5315]

@@ikitclaw7146 meh, I doubt a wrestler could beat an MMA fighter. Unless he manages to grapple him that is.

[@briankimmell4248]

@@ikitclaw7146 Man... the only "lesson" there is that one kid beat up another kid. It doesn't tell you anything.

[@hideousruin]

@@papahairy5315 A moderately skilled wrestler will destroy anybody who's only trained in traditional martial arts.

[@hideousruin]

@@papahairy5315 Wrestling is a big part of MMA. In fact wrestling, boxing, and Gracie style jujitsu are the only martial arts where the entire repertoire is useful in MMA and street fights. There are no traditional martial arts worth a shit in a real fight. There are individual techniques from some of those martial arts which can work. But none of those systems as a whole are good for anything than embarrassing yourself in a real fight. Even the basic sparring in wrestling and boxing is much closer to real fighting than the pad slapping choreography that is traditional martial arts sparring.

[@MrRohde97]

The only thing missing when he demonstrates the log technique is that *bonk* sound effect when he touches the head

[@julian-sark]

And a big, flashy "KAPOW!" overlay in Comic Sans.

[@kasnitch]

el kabong would be better .

[@MrRohde97]

@wyckyd wyzyrd where? I need it!

[@JohnMiller-zr8pl]

😁

[@leonid4468]

To be more thoroughly accurate, I think a complete set of Three Stooges sound effects throughout the demos would be more appropriate.

[@sebastianriz4703]

the guy with the staff was clearly trying to draw power from the Earth's magnetic field to power his level 4 power flame spell. According to the rules, if your spell gets cancled, you are paralised for the entire duriation of the cool down time.

[@elixs5380]

“Assume the opponent is asleep” is kind of like when you watch a tutorial and it starts off with “own these 17 power tools and your own workshop”

[@seigeengine]

I mean, tbf, it's generally more that they have those tools so they use them. You can do most of what they're doing with other tools. That just isn't obvious to people who aren't already into that stuff in the first place. So, really, the first step is "already be skilled in this field."

[@sirnander]

Man, the heroin tecnique is so efective that almost kills me just from listening to it.

[@HoriTheRed]

Yeah, I mean the heroin thing sounds super effective.

[@HappyBeezerStudios]

What surprised me most was that the guy was putting so much of his weight on the staff. Who does that? Was he injured from previous combat? I can see that stance as some weird opening position, but without using it as crutch just to be able to stand.

[@TimeForDunston]

I spent ten years training to master the art of heroin abuse... I was unsuccessful... I've ruined my life.

[@sebastianriz4703]

I mean if you inject your opponent with heroin, its a huge debuff. Plus its poision damage. PLUS you can carry it legally. Its an amazing idea!

[@mkv2718]

@@sebastianriz4703 you can carry it legally? In Switzerland maybe...

[@LordSoulSicarious]

You've missed the true genius of this self defence strategy: by presenting himself as a martial arts master and teaching people how to fight *really badly*, and putting those videos online, he increases the chance that a potential assailant will have learned how to fight from him, and thus be completely ineffectual. It's self defence by miseducation.

[@jkgrowling3439]

Ancient problems require stupid solutions

[@brian_sipe]

Reminded me of this little gem... kzbin.info/www/bejne/mmecZ6dprqZ_d7s

[@this_is_japes7409]

i mean it worked in china until that mma fighter had to challenge and pwn every bullshxt master and ruin everything.

[@SilverShadow02]

"We trained him badly on purpose"

[@SorenPenrose]

That's pretty similar to the plot of Jade Empire

[@spyguy888]

13:27 I love how the “student” being in slow motion implies that he can lift the log over his shoulder and slam it down on his head while also carefully making sure he’s not in range of the sword faster than the other guy can just swing the sword down.

[@The_White_Croissant]

What you don't realize is the log technique was specifically designed to train people incase they find themselves in an anime with an ungodly amount of strength.

[@simperfi]

Shingan no Yuusha

[@GracelessEmber]

@William Snow Thorkells Martial Art Academy

[@XMH_020]

@@simperfi man of culture

[@stevenlafever955]

Berserk Wooden *CLANG*

[@raideduela]

Oh now I get it (tho I think I would snap my fingers and the enemy would transform into banker who wants to give me money)

[@MrAbawmidabull]

Step 1 for self defense: drug all potential opponents ahead of time Step 2 literally just walk away Step 3 unscrew pommel Step 4 E N D H I M R I G H T L Y

[@4Curses]

Ah, i see. You have to walk away, so you don't get caught in the ensuing chaos the pommel will cause.

[@MrAbawmidabull]

@@4Curses either that or just walk away when your drugged opponent nods off. Rest your hand on your pommel and whisper "not today old friend, not today"

[@raycearcher5794]

"But officer, that heroin is for SELF DEFENSE!"

[@colemanwalsh7477]

This deserves more likes lmfao

[@SuperEndiku]

Finally, we discover how this maneuver was meant to be used.

[@Maddjacklee81]

“He reacts the way a potato would, if you shoved another potato into it”. Annnnnnd I’m subscribed.

[@adambielen8996]

That line had me rolling.

[@Maddjacklee81]

@@adambielen8996 I had to rewind it and show my wife.

[@clearmelody6252]

Welcome to the family. *Dying of laughter.*

[@CrimsonFox36]

In Magic: The Gathering, we call this "Goldfishing", where you practice your strategy against an opponent who does nothing.

[@spiritvdc5109]

I mean in MtG you kinda have to because there's so little counterplay that basically both people just do their own thing and one of them miraculously hard-counters the other, I played MtG semi-competitively for years and every match came down to color matchup rather than any actual skill xDD

[@christopherbaker2352]

@@spiritvdc5109 Huh. That is so far from the truth though. One thinks you must not have been very good with setup, or faced anyone more than your local randoms. <

[@zacharylindahl]

@@spiritvdc5109 That's pretty much the opposite of mtg lol

[@MaDmanex100]

Yeah most competent player have player interaction to stop their stuff to activate or getting destroyed. Its limited to seeing curve drops though this goldfishing technique.

[@pooyataleb2514]

Skall people outside of America and Canada carry logs with strings for protection. my grandam carries an oak concealed and my grandpa carries a walnut tree

[@AlbinoMooseful]

The tradicional way is the best nowadays all you can find is MDF or composite bamboo with nylon strings.

[@Ranstone]

That reminds me, I need to renew my Conceal log license.

[@SvendleBerries]

- *"my grandam carries an oak concealed and my grandpa carries a walnut tree"* Your car carries an oak concealed? Impressive.

[@smokeemifyougotem9662]

@@Ranstone Oi Ye got a loiscence for that der Mahogany log?

[@ayajade6683]

You gave me inspiration for a D&D character orcish grandma barbarian who welds a massive branch

[@Ravtank1]

This almost feels like a dream sequence nightmare for anyone who owns a sword. You know the one where you are trying to defend yourself but you move in complete slowmo against a weird dude with a log. Almost like the same dream that you get when you are running from something but can never get away.

[@GlassGolem]

Sounds like a recurring nightmare I had as a kid; where a small dog sized rat(or something) would coroner me in room and jump at my face, and I'd punch it away, but it would get up, unharmed, and continue jumping at me as I get tired... until I wake up.

[@richardsanchez9190]

Dude. Why does that happen? I've had dreams where I am trying hard as hell to run and I move like I'm running under water. Everytime.

[@Matt_Bright_1983]

I used to be a professional rodeo cowboy. I rode bareback horses, a sport that required intense strength and quick movement for 8 seconds of competition. I always had a recurring dream that I was riding at a rodeo and I could not lift on my riggin (the apparatus that I held on with) enough nor could I move my feet quickly enough, which was a requirement to be successful and score high. I think it's a human nature thing to have some sort of self-conscious issue with not being good enough at something and it manifests by way of dreaming that you're a failure at whatever action you're pursuing in the dream. I was one of the best in the world at what I did, yet my subconscious mind still felt like I wasn't good enough apparently lol

[@kinguin7]

This is a very strange, but good and interesting observation lol.

[@jerotoro2021]

That's like the one where I'm driving and I come to a yellow light at the last second, and I slam on the brakes but no matter how hard I'm pressing on the brake pedal the car barely slows down and I roll through the intersection while it goes red, and it keeps happening over and over and panic and doubt and self-hate start to overwhelm me until I wake up.

[@the98themperoroftheholybri33]

What i learned today: 1. Make sure your attackers are in slow motion 2. Rub a stick on them

[@mr.lavender5281]

Which stick 😏

[@morio9284]

@@mr.lavender5281 sexual harassment, bro. XD

[@boneman-calciumenjoyer8290]

Might work if your defence-pommels are out of reach.

[@Obversechaos]

This is how I got arrested.

[@jitheoreo1484]

13:28 the guy just walks into the tip of the sword and the swordsman has to move it away and pretend that didn't happen. Remember kids the best defence against a sword is impaling yourself before they can.

[@spartanwar1185]

Yeah the log-bearer is so fucking screwed here no matter how hard he tries to pretend everything's fine I wonder if the swordsman realizes how lousy the log-bearer's attack is just from how often he has to move the sword out of the way or slow it down unnaturally

[@48cxy2]

It's the most refined form of Scam-jutsu

[@silviuflorin744]

Bullshido

[@WonkyBunny]

the most refined of a fake is a real, so... ???

[@shadowsnake5133]

@@WonkyBunny not always, somewhat it just raps around to being stupid, depending on intent.

[@WonkyBunny]

@@shadowsnake5133 now that i think of it, you're right

[@RunningWithRoses]

a Mcdojo

[@eno2870]

Dude has a sword pointed directly at your chest, and all he has to do is take a step forward and run you through. So, of course, the natural course of action is for him to select "end turn" and then wait while you take 10 seconds to flip a log over your shoulder and step forward, nearly impaling himself on your sword.

[@SorenPenrose]

It's called etiquette, you uncultured swine.

[@Bloodless101]

Anyone else see where the guy stabbed him accidentally and then moved his sword out of the way so he un-stabbed the log carrier?

[@Wifibee]

The best course of action is to reach your inventory, eat 80 wheels of cheese, go back to the combat, take the blow but since you're regenerating hp fast with all the food you consumed, you can strike fatally your opponent's head.

[@notbotheredable]

I love the extra shuffle step he has to take while the katana guy pauses because he can't even get basic distance right. If my students stuffed up their distance after 6 weeks of introductory training as badly as log man does I would be embarrassed as their teacher. The log had a significant range advantage and getting that distance right is trivial.

[@hainsay]

He's just out of reach though

[@ayeshamerrydeath7501]

As a guy who gets mugged by medieval thugs on a daily basis I'd like to thank you for this informative video

[@user-ky9ou5dz9q]

Hahaha. Those are my exact thoughts every video. If for some reason we get thrust back into melee combat, I'll have my kingdom in no time.

[@pencilbender]

As a medieval guy trying to mug people with myu longsword i find this very informative as well

[@EskenRock]

🤣 +5 melee skill points

[@elvispussley8887]

@@pencilbender what the hell is a myu longsword?

[@Tom-uv9cc]

Thank God, the log didn't have a pommel. The other guy would have been really screwed then

[@snakeace0]

Im speechless. I am very confident that any random person would be more effective at self defense than that guy. He seems to have brainwashed himself and his students so much , that he made himself the ultimate victim in any real confrontation. It would be hilarious if it wasnt so sad..

[@oditeomnes]

Chinese mma fighter Xu Xia Dong made a name for himself defeating these so called masters within few seconds. Your analysis is spot on, we see a group self indoctrination where both bullshido master and students end up believing this to the point where we can classify sparring as some weird group hypnosis.

[@verybarebones]

The average person would be invested in saving their neck, nobody in the guy's videos seems to even be paying attention

[@breeban3388]

Its honestly incredibly interesting to me how these "masters" manage to spread their delusions to their students like some kind of social virus

[@snakeace0]

@@oditeomnes I am very familiar with Xu. What happened to him thanks to the CCP is a tragedy. Thats the sad part.. whats happening in this video is the exact same psychological group behaviour in cults. Humans are made to live in groups , but our desire for fellowship sometimes results in the most ridiculous abandonment of rational thinking when experience is not present..

[@doesntmatter5857]

Only my personal opinion, but I think it would actually be sad if the guy invested time and money into training and building a school only to realize too late his style is useless, but now he has already put too much into this business to simply admit how nonsensical it is and let it fail. This is not governmental style too-big-too-fail investment, but on his individual level, this might be comparable. Everything this dude owns might ride on him being abled to sell a style that he knows is nothing more than glorified childrens entertainment. Truly sad. If the guy is a smug conman on the other hand, let him burn.

[@masochisticmuffin]

I frequently find myself getting attacked by katana wielding bandits while I'm carrying logs back to the lumber mill I work at. Now I'll finally be able to protect myself.

[@J-BiRTH]

I feel like whatever log-based self defense technique he was trying to impart probably does have it's origin in some old folk tale about a mountain monk fighting off some bandits with a log or some shit like that.

[@EntropicEcho]

Me too. Hate it when that happens. Last time they chopped off my whole body. Next time I'll be sure to shoot them with my Freeze Ray gun and bonk them with a log!

[@p0t4toePotato]

A true lumberjack always has his trusty chainsaw revved up, dangling from his belt

[@dichterdichter3593]

@@p0t4toePotato And those come very handy, if you want to cut a log for defense.

[@oneDonly]

Nah bro. That log is to small for the mill. That's a walking log.

[@EmperorSigismund]

12:15 Now I want to see an old fashioned Jackie Chain routine where he is a clumsy woodcutter trying to deliver a log while being chased by a dozen incompetent samurai.

[@DaRealKakarroto]

Write that down, write that down!

[@Dirtbag-Hyena]

That was my thoughts through the whole "demo", Jackie fucking Chan.🤪😂 Only, Jackie is a badass, this guy is just bad.

[@TheActionBastard]

....yes please? This is totally some shit Jackie would do. Snake In The Eagle's Shadow comes to mind (sorry no log fights, but absolutely excellent early Chan before he was famous in America)

[@drops2cents260]

@@Dirtbag-Hyena > Only, Jackie is a badass, this guy is just bad. Well, if that guy actually sells such crap as "martial arts" training, he's not only bad, but also an ass...

[@wolf1066]

I love how in the last one, he nearly impaled himself on the extended sword when he stepped forward to hit the guy with a log.

[@madensmith7014]

That limp staff dude was probably supposed to be an elderly guy with a cane, got an intense back pain, then was beaten up by a guy that found a big stick on the ground

[@joeh858]

lol

[@ConsoleCleric]

If you could disable all sword users with a groin punch, we'd all switch over to being Johnny Cage.

[@knifeyonline]

or just wear a box...

[@omarabe26]

Codpieces were invented for a reason.

[@Axterix13]

Maybe Johnny Cage is why most of the characters in Mortal Combat don't use swords...

[@GoDamnWeird]

A brutal kidney punch would be much more effective and you'd be in a position to either grapple (stupid) or run away (better). By brutal I mean with intent to kill; dude is coming after me with a sword. He gets up I'm dead, given that I'm unarmed. Do something more directly debilitating and run away, that'd be my option. Log? I don't own a log.

[@Debbiebabe69]

Problem is, same as being a Johnny Cage nutcrunch + uppercut spammer in MK, your primary tactic falls to pieces when you square off against a girl.....

[@IjaxS]

5:24 "unlimited action points" really cracked me up 😂

[@camaradafawkes7382]

What if you're a lumberjack and gets attacked by ninjas someday? This guy is a genius, covering any situation possible 😂

[@eyeballpapercut4400]

Me, a forester with a plethora of cutting hand tools: ARE YOU CALLING SASHA UGLY AND USELESS

[@GoDamnWeird]

What about pointed sticks? Sorry, sorry...no, we haven't started on Fruit yet.

[@martinbh7499]

What if you’re a lumberjack and get attacked by *slow motion* ninjas someday? -FTFY

[@jackdavidson9045]

I'm a lumberman and no matter what if I'm attacked with what appears to be a 6×6 or a 8×8 log. I wouldn't go straight down. I'd twist from my hips at the same time as pulling with my hands to swing at a almost horizontal level. Still keeping it at a slight downward strike. It would force the person into a single direction at which point you just let go the log and go into grapple. Because like he said there's only two real actions the person can take in response back away or step into the swing.

[@ologhai8559]

every lumberjack is gangsta until he gets attacked by ninja beavers

[@forthehonorforge4840]

He seems to be totally excited that he has engineered a situation where he can publicly touch another person's junk and be applauded for it.

[@robertnett9793]

What else to say - some people have just mastered the art of legal public groping...

[@crimsoncutz8430]

"Reacts the way a potato would if you shove another potato into it" is my new favourite phrase

[@crusadingtemplar]

12:36 the old,"assume the opponent is asleep" Sometimes ya kill me skall

[@PuppetMaster1791]

This reminds me of those Monty Python skits about how to defend yourself from an attacker using a piece of fresh fruit

[@orsettomorbido]

At least those were kind of effective HAHAHAHAHAHA

[@GoDamnWeird]

What about pointed sticks?!?

[@rayanderson5797]

Absurd. He didn't even once use a live tiger!

[@ATEC101]

@@Macebigi Got bullets?

[@illiath4438]

"What if he has a knife?"

[@lordpantero3739]

Guy: grabs attackers balls The Attacker: jokes on you I’m into that stuff

[@reyix9490]

Guy: (grabs attackers balls) The attacker: - AAAaahh Guy: Surrender, right? >:D The attacker: (pants) - Ha... Harder >;o

[@unblockablz]

@@reyix9490 i am kicking you off the internet

[@MaxwellAerialPhotography]

Harder daddy

[@Vlad_Tepes_III]

@@unblockablz Kick me harder meowster

[@Verdunveteran]

Well, guess that guy finally found a practical use for his ball busting fetish after all.

[@CanItAlready]

I love how he almost walked into the tip of the sword in order to gently bonk the guy on the head and the guy with the sword was kind enough to drop the sword enough to protect him from himself. If only all bad guys were that considerate.

[@petrsevcik5044]

To be fair, this part is because of it being a demonstration. You can't realy just drop a log on your partner's head in a demonstration.

[@ReprobiCrucesignati]

"What do you mean you cant use log as a weapon?" -Nameless Stone Warrior From a Distant Land of Lordran

[@vidarsigrun]

That darksouls "you died" after the roll just killed me.

[@RandomL0s3r]

It killed the Chosen Undead, Bearer of the Curse and the Ashen One, too

[@dolphinboi-playmonsterranc9668]

0:54 The man enjoys grabbing swords so much, he grabbed both.

[@epickid4268]

Oh no

[@relishcakes4525]

I guess you could say he's...Dual Wielding!

[@J0hnHenrySNEEDen]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/eGnEdGampKhpja8

[@namelessone9941]

The ultimate bruh moment...

[@dezopenguin9649]

"Bullshido." Hadn't heard that one before and my life is better now for having heard it.

[@kabardino1337]

It's a really fun subject to look into, look up Bullshido on YT, many videos in the cringrworth territory

[@erikrungemadsen2081]

The proper martial art to defend the darwinistic principles.

[@dosidicusgigas1376]

Yeah man bullshido is pretty popular. Kung Poo is my favorite term but bullshido is a classic

[@taintedmyth0s636]

"McDojo" is another term for instructors that "teach" this b.s. self defense.

[@Night_Hawk_475]

@12:19 don't forget this part where he literally steps into the sword tip, effectively gutting himself, only "saved" by the opponent afterwards pulling back and lowering the sword more, so it's out of the way.

[@ShagadelicBY]

He's just looking for excuses to grope his students.

[@ShagadelicBY]

... ehm.. so... (cough)... I found this new secret scroll. 🙂 Any volunteers?

[@clayton9547]

@@ShagadelicBY What are you doing step-sensei ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[@bongothecat3233]

lol

[@dayyaanwilliams2606]

@@ShagadelicBY is this exclusive to males?

[@firepower9966]

Notice me Sensei

[@ape3622]

Canadian lumberjack defending his territory from the terrifying webs

[@nikinikolov6570]

Fake. He did not apologize first. Also why bother with a log when you have an axe

[@teathesilkwing7616]

@@nikinikolov6570 what is an axe but a log with a sharp bit?

[@nikinikolov6570]

@@teathesilkwing7616 A well balanced log with a metal sharp bit. Quite a clarification, no?

[@teathesilkwing7616]

@@nikinikolov6570 who says it has to be metal?

[@micahfoley9572]

It's spelled "weebs" 😅

[@AccessAccess]

I remember in my martial arts class when asked "how do you fight a guy with a weapon?", the teacher was like "run the hell away! Run away as fast as you can!"

[@strikeforce1500]

Same, my self defense teacher always to keep the exit behind us, so we can just run away. And even encourage to fight dirty if necessary

[@kingduckie9135]

My teacher would also agree also if you have a jacket or piece of clothing that very easily comes off like a scarf or hat throw it at the attacker, gives you a fraction of a second where the attacker MIGHT be occupied with your clothing

[@Coobster432]

The first rule of every martial art. JUST FUCKING RUN!

[@ninjafaceify]

Yeah, the first rule of self defense is always run the fuck away if you can. If not, try this. But what they tell you to try needs t be a little better than this

[@AccessAccess]

@@Coobster432 Yeah that's the other thing we were taught, about street fights, fighting in public, etc. Basically any fight outside of the sport (tournaments, sparring, etc.) You never know who is armed, you never know who has a friend nearby who may also be armed, you never know when the cops are going to show up, etc.

[@ironicdutchmoonshade1394]

These opponents are so slow your best defense is to casually stroll out of the room

[@-Keith-]

Opponent: walks up to me and plants their staff on the ground in an awkward position. Me: "Wait, I've seen this one before! Let me put my weapon on the ground in an even more awkward position!"

[@hairypancake]

What is even the end-game in that scenario? He did no damage to the opponent, they went from both being armed to both being unarmed and the fight continues.

[@btthompson4729]

@@hairypancake now they go get dinner and work it out. Real end game shit

[@hairypancake]

@@btthompson4729 That's some next level conflict resolution shit there, maybe this guy is a genius and we're all idiots for doubting him.

[@travismurtland3257]

Doesn't help that his feet are so close together in most of these, especially the whole casual staff thing

[@josephmcgee6549]

80s martial arts movie choreographers would be proud

[@AxxLAfriku]

I don't have any friends because they are ashamed of the videos I upload. Are they really that bad, dear jo

[@iseektheholygrail2055]

Nah, even my battle against the black knight was better than this lunacy.

[@J0hnHenrySNEEDen]

Our lord has arrived!

[@destroyerinazuma96]

Speedy Gonzalez: "what if I'm mega fast?" Skallagrim: "then why don't you run away and call for help, you fool?! They have a sword!!"

[@Noj4888]

10:50 I don’t know why your complaining, I use this move all the time when fighting really old senior citizens with canes. Sure it only works on a perfectly flat/smooth surface, when they are only using a cane and not a walker, and I have to bring the pole to put in the ground; but it literally kills in some retirement homes

[@Thes564]

You would be surprised as to how good some of those old men with a kane can fight even on uneven terrain "L"

[@SeaforgedArtifacts]

Lol, so yeah I actually trained with Jeff Prather once. It was mostly enlightening durring one of the full speed "war" events. I was told, after eliminating one of the senior black belts, I "wasn't allowed to do that", implying that a lesser belt by default cannot possibly be able to hit a "sensei", It was a war and they weren't ready. 🤷‍♀️

[@jasonmccord1287]

No kidding I see a lot of bs everywhere, including teachings to people going to actual combat.

[@snuucreations1202]

Lol

[@mattaffenit9898]

That's hilarious. Reminds me of Germany trying to get shotguns banned because Americans kept slamfiring their dudes.

[@trustynomad3116]

@@mattaffenit9898 best comment ever 😂😂

[@gamerleal9265]

But you can hit a "Sense-nay".....I'll let myself out.

[@survivalistor6195]

"He reacts the way a potato would, if you shove another potato into it."

[@LordHighWin]

My favorite quote from the video

[@totoru4ever]

The attacker reactions are totally realistic. They've just cut out the part when they ask: "but where is the free pizza you promised me for playing potato?"

[@hunterra217]

but no joke, a dude with a big ass log on his back with a rope around it sounds like a dope ass dark souls boss

[@KeenKreen]

I just love how at 13:25 the student has to drop his sword so the instructor doesn't impale himself.

[@simonspacek3670]

Years ago I was a student like this. The guy showing this technique got stabbed in nose. I didn't move at all, this idiot forgot to knock my sword aside or at least tell me what he wants to show. I have no problem with showing some technique from step 3, not step 1, but you have to tell me that we are not starting at step 1.

[@Venneroth]

If I'm ever jumped and murdered, my mugger will be deeply confused at my last words. "If only I had my log"

[@xvs01]

😂😂😂

[@iseektheholygrail2055]

The best melee weapon is... A whole army standing between you and whatever you're fighting. Unless you're fighting a rabbit, because you're screwed if that's the case.

[@Vlad_Tepes_III]

With enough soldiers, the rabbit would be full, and then become docile. Then you could bring it home and toss it at your enemies.

[@Quallenkrauler]

But what if your amy were to be armed to the teeth with fresh fruit? Surely that would even the playing field somewhat.

[@redscale82]

Then use the holy grenade

[@diegomeringer3953]

@@redscale82 one two five

[@bobofthekerbals9797]

All Jimmy Carter needed to deal with a rabbit was an oar

[@Marionette_Doll]

"If you're surrounded by a bunch of puppets" As a puppet, I can safely say we'd react better. We would at least flail around on our strings before we ragdoll. In all seriousness, though, this was difficult to watch even with Skall's commentary.

[@Thes564]

Wait isnt that what we currently have living in the white house a Rag doll RLMAO as he tends to flop up stairs until he falls down ?

[@tsctheafkpanda3998]

glad to hear your input

[@Captain_Hapton]

This video is a real life demonstration of that episode from the office where Dwight is bragging about studying karate and Michael kicks his ass by acting like a fool.

[@chubbysolaireeaterofpussy3192]

lmao that gave me a flash back such a funny ep

[@zacattak4837]

Eh, it was more michael blatantly cheating and dwight trying to stay in the proper etiqute.

[@Razumen]

@@zacattak4837 You can't "cheat" in a fight.

[@zacattak4837]

@@Razumen throwing sand, bringing a gun to a knife fight, using metal in boxing gloves, using steroids for an advantage, shooting someone in the back like a coward if it's a duel, and in michaels case, Its grabbing and attacking when you aren't supposed to, the list goes on....

[@Razumen]

@@zacattak4837 Nope, in a real fight, there is no such thing as cheating. You're talking about COMPETITIONS, completely different.

[@JagerLange]

I like how the log is the exact size to be held aloft without hitting the roof - as if that's happened before and he sawed just the right amount off the end so it won't happen again.

[@natespring2183]

i want to see skall show up to that dojo in full sparring gear with a practice sword and polearm "where is your log now, jeffrey"

[@SilverShadow02]

While screaming PARRY THIS YOU FILTHY CASUAL

[@Lucef]

@@SilverShadow02 Followed up by a pommel throw, that bounces off the log and strikes the dude in the back of the head.

[@RandomL0s3r]

So Xu Xiaodong except with more (probably deserving) damage

[@natespring2183]

@@RandomL0s3r Xu Xiaodong with a sword, yes

[@eyeballpapercut4400]

@@natespring2183 *(visible horror)*

[@Catubrannos]

The last sequence...the swordsman only has to thrust the log wielder in the throat. I assume the log is an actual weapon at this McCafe which is why it's nicely octagonal. I'd like to a see Scottish version where a much larger log is thrown end over end to land on the attacker's head.

[@ChargeQM]

I've seen someone use a log as a defensive obstacle before, with a single attack used to surprise the enemy and smash their feet or shins, but that was definitely meant as a demonstration of footwork and tactical thinking. Having a log could be better than being unarmed if you know how to use it, after all, but you ain't pulling off Soul Calibur III bullshit with it.

[@theblackbaron4119]

They laughed at me when I accused them of tree-son, but they ran in fear when I introduced them to the captain's log.

[@kingduckie9135]

I don't know if I want to like or dislike this -.-

[@debilita9999]

@@kingduckie9135 same....

[@ericthered2963]

@@kingduckie9135 same.... I liked it though, just to be sure.

[@NoName-lo9ym]

I'm sure you took a lot of stick for that

[@noldorwarrior7791]

introduce them to the Captain's daughter

[@rcevey2]

We need more Skall commentary like this. Literally needed to stop and catch my breath. And at 13:28, the guy just walks in to the sword he's 'avoided' and I'm losing it again. These are the kind of scenarios we'd dream up in the kid's martial arts class.

[@jimzeez]

I was just about to comment this. He stabs himself on his assistant's sword, who then promptly moves it out of the way almost like he's hoping no one saw hahaha.

[@DerTypDa]

A perfect example for why it's so incredibly important to include sparring with a non-compliant partner if you're trying to develop or recreate techniques.

[@ninjafaceify]

Right? Like my old martial arts instructor always wanted to teach us only competition sparring and we only learned throws and grapples for katas and none for actual self defense. Half of it required the other person to either stand completely still or act like a guy getting beat up in a movie (basically do nothing but step and throw one punch before I do my shit) which is just absolutely ridiculous. In actual sparring matches with other people, we sparred for points and not for how effective or safe each hit was, but if they grazed my gi or not. I was also shit at blocking from trying to do their stupid shit of trying to slap away every attack wth some hyper specific block. Took some kickboxing classes and now actually know how to throw a punch and how not to get my head ripped off in a fight. Martial arts in America is basically just pretty dancing pretending to be violent. If you want to learn to fight you need some form of mma. And before you say I just had a bad teacher at some mcdojo, this was a seven time world champion and also seventh degree black belt who was a multiple time martial arts hall of famer, Scott Rutter. The guy absolutely knew what he was doing and refuses to actually teach people how to defend themselves, he just wants his students to win him some more trophies for his dojos. If you want to get good you NEED to actually fight someone trying to hurt you back and you NEED to know how to realistically act and respond in this situation or you are fucked.

[@DinnerForkTongue]

There is this thing called "HARD sparring" that none of these scammers can so much as imagine.

[@Xeonort]

Also a perfect example of why it should be MUCH harder to open any kind of martial arts/self defense dojo/gym because "I want to" seems to be the only criteria for being able to do it, at least in the US. At the very least, you should be required to have at least 1 verified actual professional show up to vet your knowledge and skill before you can just open one, people can get seriously hurt trying to use BS martial arts and self defense techniques from scam artists and liars like this guy.

[@Seelenschmiede]

@@ninjafaceify So your ONE anecdotial refference is THE TRUTH™ for all of the USA? Ok bud...

[@HiragamaIkunai]

@@DinnerForkTongue From what I've seen of most modern schools they don't even do proper foundation building so expecting them to teach proper sparring ...would cause more injuries and lawsuits specially in the west than really being worthwhile. And its always the useless sport variants that are taught.

[@Cypeq]

Skallagrim doesn't get it, you don't carry around a log to smash people in the head, you pull it out of your inventory when bandits with swords spawn around you.

[@nevisysbryd7450]

He literally stepped into the sword point for the log one. He just ran himself through against a catatonic opponent.

[@robbikebob]

It takes great skill to successfully impale yourself against an unmoving target that's actively trying not to hit you!

[@ericmoore9952]

That of course is the trick. Embedding the point of the sword in your flesh makes it easier to control, and keeps both hands free! Brilliant!

[@darthsion3253]

A master he is but of assistant suicide for him self

[@johntrains1317]

😂

[@dayel11]

The whole part where he toss his staff with his foot at his paralyzed opponent i'm 100% confident it was just him trying to lift the staff with his foot to grab it mid air for some other shenanigans, but he failed and rolled with it.

[@Adam_okaay]

I was definitely thinking the same thing. He definitely looks to be reaching for it.

[@Caerdrath92]

sooo true. But hey, show must go on XD

[@julianbeavis7724]

This is what happens when the kid who said "I ressurect myself and you can't hit me" when you kill him while play fighting doesn't get called out

[@vojtabenes7476]

This guy's defence against drugged Gandalf is so powerful I almost died just by watching it

[@kai_plays_khomus]

It remembers me of playing "martial arts" with friends when we were 7 or 8 years old - in slow motion for the spectacular effect, and with "boom" sounds of course .. 🤣

[@DarkDragonRus]

Yeah. That's how I lost one of the tooths.

[@FlymanMS]

“It’s not a phase!”(Log wielding dude prob)

[@jacobmacke3957]

I remember the slow motion becoming steadily less slow as my friend and I had different ideas about who got to do something really cool. This guy doesnt have to worry about that, I suppose

[@trapperscout2046]

I'll be sure to carry a telephone pole with me everywhere I go just in case I need to defend against maniacs with samurai swords.

[@tommeakin1732]

9:36 "So, class...now I'm going to show you how to harass a 90 year old man using a simple stick. He's no threat to me - I just think the elderly should have the decency to just die."

[@blarghinatelazer9394]

I'm fucking ded

[@xryeau_1760]

PFP checks out lmao

[@kenriven5237]

*Everyone:* What's he doing?! *Morpheus:* He's beginning to believe...

[@khandimahn9687]

♪ It's log, it's log. It's big, it's heavy, it's wood. ♪ ♪ It's log, it's log. It's better than bad, it's good! ♪

[@polyquaternium7]

♪What's great for a snack and fits on your back?♪

[@justinbremer2281]

Man my poor high school calculus teacher had no idea why the entire class started singing when she first introduced the log() button on the calculator...

[@spacephantomranger]

i cant believe i didnt think of this comment! You win good sir!

[@pants15]

@@polyquaternium7 It's better than bad, it's good!

[@ThatsMrPencilneck2U]

It is not me that is mad! It is I who am insane!