Fat Acceptance Treats Weight Loss Like A Trauma

[@minirth.maggie]

I thought losing weight would fill me with rage and regret for the wasted decades. My life could have been so different! But when i lost the weight, i was just glad. I will say, i lost 55 lbs very fast, i was going through some shit at the same time i radically changed my eating habits, and it took me almost a year to get comfortable with my new body. My bust shrinking was very jarring! But WOW is it great to be this close to healthy! My depression and migraines are better, my back pain is better, my outlook is better! ❤❤❤

[@runningwiththehorses_]

Watching this before a date, I absolutely needed it. I used to be obese and then I lost 22kg (49lbs) but despite being a healthy weight I still had the mindset of the woman you discuss in this video. That mindset was a major contributing factor as to why I ended up in an abu$1ve relationship. I was very body dysmorphic, believed I was still fat and my abu$3r obviously exploited this vulnerability of mine. I went on to lose 10 more kilograms and that relationship and he just called me fat even more. I genuinely believed I deserved it because “society values fat people less”. I needed this reminder before the date I’m going on, I refuse to be self-deprecating and projecting my delusion onto situations where it simply does not apply. Thank you! ❤

[@vegasa2067]

I’m so sorry you went through that, I hope you are doing better ❤

[@rachelhithere8768]

I feel like a broken record, but we cannot underestimate the importance of a healthy gut biome and it's relationship with and impact on mental health. What you're saying, Alex, about how E/D/'s make you literally delusional is 100% on the money. It's not to be insulting; it literally and metaphorically creates a toxic feedback loop in your brain. It colors your mood, your perception, and ultimately your interactions with the world and others. Being under- or overweight or any shade of ED makes you mentally unwell and people are so "distracted" by the optics of fatness and the classically health biomarkers that the mental aspect gets disregarded, but it's all one giant interactive system.

[@mightykaytor]

Hell, I didnt even have an ED or all that unhealthy of a diet (well balanced with lots of fresh fruit and veggies, just too much) and moderate obesity STILL put the zap on my brain in a major way with what I call Social Paranoia. Working on a comic about it, actually. Losing weight has done wonders for my ASD/ADHD-related social anxiety. I barely recognize the person I used to be.

[@jamescobb2624]

When you leave your comfort zone to improve, there is a form of grieving for the loss of everything you built up to protect your former life. Its ok as long as you remember to celebrate your continuing efforts to grow towards the positive.

[@existentialgamer9206]

YES 💯 “what if it’s another reason”! Fat certainly can be a reason but let’s not pretend thin women don’t also get jerked around and played. What if he’s dating someone else, what if he’s just a noncommittal Ahole and would be like that with every woman, what if he’s a player who says literally anything you want to hear to butter you up, what if what if. Liars can be surprisingly good at making you think they care. She said she was absolutely sure he really liked/loved her but (and I hate saying this), women of ALL sizes are not good at sniffing out men’s red flags. Too often they go by empty words and not actions, and they ignore blatant signs and project their own fantasies/desires in the man. I could see it in this story: she was “so sure” and yet in her telling, he seemed pretty lukewarm to me. That’s why women’s channels and TikToks (by women in the know, for other women) talking about red flags and lies are extremely popular. If she’d known what these women often advise, his blasé attitude and not being eager for her should have deterred her chasing him If you are fat or otherwise outside the norm, you must be discerning, because the reality is, you’ll genuinely appeal to fewer people AND you may be a mark for unsavory types who assume your outsider status makes you vulnerable As a former fat girl I do have a soft spot for this issue I admit. I feel for her. But if you’re convinced that fat is genetic and you can’t change it, and that it’s ONLY fat causing it (rather than a sober assessment of this man and possible missed flags), then you’re going to be miserable ETA WOW SHE’S MARRYING HIM?? It’s unclear 😅 idk what’s sadder, if he was some ex she was hung up on, or that she held onto this for TEN YEARS and still married this guy who supposedly treated her badly and jerked her around because she’s fat (not helping the “desperate fat girl” narrative, girl 🤦🏼‍♀️)

[@sakuradoll7]

i love hearing you talk about tarot and astrology 💕💕

[@Mullethaver]

Alex you are looking so skinnnnyy

[@bluebdreamz]

i love the cattyness/ brat attitude you have in your vids but i also really loved the realness and understanding you brought to the conversation today

[@Andrew_O]

5:00 Yup, she was "so sure" of that interest... and was simply wrong. And moments before what was she talking about? FEELING "unworthy of love". These are both just inventions of her own mind.

[@minirth.maggie]

This lady hasn't smelled reality for decades!

[@julia-o8f9h]

27:14 “-heavy sigh- I’m so f-ing excited” the vibes for this read more like “I got summoned for jury duty” because her body language and tone of voice were conveying dread to me

[@Loud2013]

Maybe the guys don't want to be with someone who is constantly engaging in negative projections of mind reading where they always tell you what you *actually* think and feel because they know better? Just putting that out there 🤷🏿‍♂️🤷🏿‍♂️🤷🏿‍♂️

[@julia-o8f9h]

Good point!

[@minirth.maggie]

Yes! How very dare you not follow the script I have for you? I'm never wrong, I'M AM EMPATH! 😂😂😂

[@GG-kn2se]

5:26 the flowers for honesty was so funny

[@mei2624]

You are so wise

[@violet5610]

I was skinny when I was dating and I was kept a secret because I was really annoying. I'm married now so he can't really keep me a secret lol but it happens to lots of people not just fat people

[@starkman78]

All of this! Whether or not her read on the situation with that dude was accurate, it isn’t far fetched. Remember how FA actually started? It wasn’t by (or for) fat Black women the way that FA’s currently claim. It was a White dude who was attracted to fat women but felt that dating them openly was detrimental to his social status. That’s not to say that “most” men are “secretly attracted” to fat women (as FA’s also claim). But people will very much walk away from promising romantic opportunities if they think they’ll be bumped down in the hierarchy (and they’ll do it whether said hierarchy is real or imagined).

[@nomadman5288]

The personality aspect is something that needs to be addressed more deeply. Your personality is broad and complex; there are aspects which will absolutely be different when you are thin and fit vesus obese and unfit. How could this not be the case? Think about it: when you're thin and fit, you're mindsets and behaviors which stem from them are one way, but when you're obese and unfit, they must be a different way or else you would not be obese and unfit. They are two entirely different modes of expression, and those expressions are aspects of your personality in the true sense of the word, not the incredibly basic way we tend to talk about it like "he's funny and smart" or "she's sweet and well spoken." That's about as far as people go when they think of descriptions or expressions of one's personality, but it goes much deeper than that.

[@existentialgamer9206]

I’ve only heard your intro so far so I’m interested in your takes on this. I do think, despite FA being a wrong and destructive philosophy, there can be trauma here. If you haven’t dealt w the TRM, and still put too much emotional stock in weight, it can torture you. ETA: it’s not weight loss that can traumatize, but your unhealed mentality. The call is coming from inside the house! And sadly for straight/bi women, there are no shortage of guys that will sleep with you while being ashamed of you. That “anything for a nut, but don’t expect me to actually like you” thing. Plus dudes have straight up admitted to liking fat girls because they think they’re desperate and will do anything for him. It’s gross. And then there’s the chasers who fetishize you. IMO these are easy to spot but it’s still something to consider as a fat woman. Does he like me, or just my fat? Usually you do have to get considerably fat to worry about chasers though Now of course, unlike what FA tells you, losing weight is possible to avoid this unfortunate phenomenon. And losing the TRM anxieties will make it so you couldn’t care less about what other people think or would have thought back when you were fat

[@shadowandflame99]

I think when people are “kept a secret” it’s usually for a reason other than weight. That said - these people act like it’s somehow *immoral* to consider weight as a factor in romantic decisionmaking, which is an attitude I find offensive, in an incel/entitled way. It’s perfectly okay for weight to be a dealbreaker for someone in dating. I used to be obese, and I’d never date an obese person (not unless they were in the midst of significant lifestyle change, anyway). That’s not the life I want to live anymore; we’re not going to be compatible people.

[@hannah22766]

What does it look like when you take time off from weight loss? Do you stop counting calories? Count at maintenance? What do you do?

[@klausheisler5014]

It's almost like people respect dedication & hard work. Also, why do all of these fat activists have the same highly questionable back story? In countless videos, they talk about how they love being fat, how they have been fat their entire lives, & weight loss is completely out of their control / genetics. Yet they will post videos claiming they had restrictive ED'S & they lost a lot of weight & it was "traumatizing". I honestly don't believe a single word they say. Even if they are telling the truth (which I highly doubt) how is going from a restrictive ED to being morbidly obese & eating out of control a good thing?

[@julia-o8f9h]

32:26 or the new partner is *too good* and there’s a bunch of jealousy at play