Fathers and Sons | That’s What He Said

According to the US Census Bureau, 24 million children live in a home without the physical presence of a father. Many more have fathers who are physically present, but emotionally absent. In this episode, our men discuss the fathers they had and the fathers they hope to be.
Credits:
Created and Directed by: Anabella Casanova
Produced by: SoulPancake in association with Vacation Theory
Edited by: Cassidy Damore
Cinematography by: Kelly Moore
Production Designed by: Sage Price
Moderated by: Joshua Bitton
Participants: Saro Badalian, Joshua Bitton, Orlando Bishop, Steve Hernandez, Bayan Joonam, Maceo Paisley, Kevin Pazmino, Sage Price, Ryan Rogers, Desean Terry
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[@MorganMango]

The world would be a far more peaceful place if all men just took a moment out of their week to gather and talk like this. Excellent series

[@guilhermemarques4963]

It really would.

[@ladyfightsoctopus8166]

"Sometimes change quietly roars" that hit me in the gut!

[@IveGotToast]

I love this series. I'm 21, and lately have been having issues with myself about what it is to be a man, and above all a good person. This series has helped relieve some of my worries.

[@anabellacasanova4207]

+IveGotToast Thank you for posting. That is so wonderful to hear. That is absolutely the goal of this video.

[@Participant]

+IveGotToast We are glad that we can take some of that stress away from you and help you in answering life's big questions. Know that you always have us in your corner. :)

[@Jsmoove9627]

I hear you bro, this shit makes me smile all the time. Awesome channel and awesome people.

[@astralprojection6180]

Do Fathers and Daughters next. I'm female and I didn't have a father growing up and it really affected me

[@helencheng8467]

same here... not having the father image really affects how you deal with the opposite sex later in your life

[@aliciawallin6902]

I HAD a father. He would get drunk and be Evil. He would favorite one daughter and take them on trips. The other one couldnt come. He made himself the victim everytime. He GAVE my sister ANEROXIA because she felt that she was the problem, it was her fault. This has REALLY damedged my sister deeply. She has serious trust issues for men and she is sooo affraid of commiting into a realationship. I'm not as bad but I have also been "taught" that men are evil. Imagine how much you rely on your parents and how much they can hurt you. Our mom is amazing tho and I Love her soooo much

[@ttoledo88]

growing up in Mexico I saw my dad in through lots of struggles. He was a drug. addict and he was never home. When I was eight he moved our whole family to the United states. From that point on he made our lives better as well as his own. I learned what not to do from my dad. Today he not only is my hero and a great father. But also a great grandfather to my children. I love my dad and all he did to change and become a better man for his family.

[@MrIsaiahdix]

+tifanny t I'm happy for you and your relationship with your Dad. This almost brought a tear to my eye, lol. Very proud of your Dad. 👍🏿

[@ttoledo88]

+Isaiah Dix thank you. I'm very proud of him. I make sure and let him know as much as I can how great he is.

[@ABitOfThisAndThat03]

This series gives me hope that men are not some 'different species' but they are just humans- a very interesting and well-done series

[@Lily.valkyrie]

amen.

[@nicoaramarcel2177]

Finally! Thanks for the comment.

[@deelite78]

What a group of brave and inspirational men! This sort of openness and humility is so touching and thought provoking. I hope their messages reach many!

[@tessahayse1215]

My father was the one who raise me and my siblings as my mother took on the "work" role in the family.... I learned my morals from him along with a lot of other things!

[@anisanoor194]

It's so refreshing to see men opening up to one another

[@mightsnipe]

This series is incredible. Thank you SP for starting this. I really appreciate what you are doing here.

[@heypookeybearitisi]

In mewithoutyou's song "Allah, Allah, Allah" my favorite line is, "If your old man did you wrong, If your old man did you wrong, If your old man did you wrong, well maybe his old man did him wrong." And then they sing about forgiveness.

[@kudabeen]

Learned failure is as natural to progress as living with regret is debilitating to welcoming new opportunities to live in the best you. A man's flaws alone don't define him, but how he stands and faces them and attempts to rectify them is all that matters. As a Father I fail in my own way constantly, but I shower my kids with love and their forgiveness inspires me daily. The unconditional love of your children provides so much fuel I understand the struggle of adolescents and that stage where they are less affectionate and passionate toward your love that as a parent it can be depressing and cause hurt triggering a lot of other demons. Great topic and presentation to spark many good conversations.

[@liabw05]

Wow. What a wonderful project. Keep them coming!

[@nontaliemorrow]

I learned how to listen from my father. I know that whenever I talk to him I am going to he heard and understood. No matter what I have to talk to him about. He is always ready to listen. It's one of the things I love most about him.

[@karaboramasilo4268]

This channel really deals with issues we deal with. most of us in South Africa consume a lot of this content now, because these are issues the whole world can resonate with.

[@Lalaith1993]

Awesome video. I wish it had been a bit longer. It's really interesting to hear about other people's relationship to their father. My own relationship to my father has/is... well, okay. We can talk together, joke etc. But I never really felt like I could talk to him about more.. important and personal things. One thing I clearly remember from 9th grade when I took my exams (Danish school system) was his reaction to my physics/chemistry exam. It was an oral exam, and I have always been really shy and sort of afraid to speak up. I got the topic I knew least about, so it didn't go too well. I just passed the exam. When my father called me later that day from work, he of course asked me how it went. As he found out it didn't go too well, he asked me what he was supposed to tell his employee (he has his own window-cleaning company with one emplyoee, who was the father of one of my classmates back then). "Shall I just tell him you got the same grade as her?". It was so obvious that he was ashamed of telling the truth.That actually hurt more than the fact the exam went bad.

[@guilhermemarques4963]

Dude, you passed the exam, and he was not proud of you?

[@Lalaith1993]

Guilherme Marques Obviously not. I wasn't happy about the grade myself, but it was rather hurtful to get such a comment.

[@guilhermemarques4963]

+Jophiela In my oppinion, passing an exam is the only thing that counts. You were completely succesful.

[@irishgirlx481]

out of both my parents my dad is definitely the calmer one. i think i learned how to be calm from him. he hates yelling and although he is passive aggressive sometimes i think he really does maintain peace in our home. we are both very quiet natured but when there is something we are passionate about we could talk forever. my dad worked so hard to provide for us and i cant thank him enough. iam in college 8 hrs away from him i think i will call him sometime soon and just thank him for everything.

[@hodgepodgemagic]

Love this series! Would love to see a That's What She Said season 2. These conversations are so important to have

[@SweetGaBrownin]

What I learned from my father was how to survive. My father took me on fishing/hunting trips as a small child and learn me how to garden(that his getaway)...lol We have a huge plot in our local community garden that we harvest plenty of veggies and for that I appreciate and love him always!

[@katherineevert7401]

To the producers, this video had groundbreaking content and that's what has made this series so successful, but please, the camera work was so distracting. Every time that I began to feel myself get drawn into the story, I would see the boom operators in the background, or you notice the AD pointing an alternative shot out in the background, or worst of all, the camera would dolly into frame. It completely breaks the continuity of the video and makes the audience aware that they're just watching a video on KZbin and not experiencing the discussion. Please take this comment into consideration, you want the viewers to feel as if they are a part of the discussion, because that's how you know they will take the message home and have their own discussions. Please, it would be a waste for SoulPancake to just become Buzzfeed 2.0. Thank you for bringing these series forward for viewers. We appreciate the content!

[@mimi5eva]

I'm very grateful for my father

[@umanarayan]

Love this series!! Very Very insightful....Wish we could have conversations like this everywhere!!

[@xXsolar99Xx]

I love this series so much. This is great.

[@Swilzly]

There's three ways a son can be an extension of the father. Either as the father himself, as in acting how the father acted around him raising kids the same way having a similar job. As an opposite of the father, raising your kids differently, taking a different career choice, and acting differently (less or more aggression more interaction with kids or trying to earn more money than your father). Lastly i feel like there's the sons that try to complete the father in the sense of being left as a child and having to figure out how not to be a father from your father, learning how to be a good father through other men and fathers and trying to be a father in a world where you never had one. I have always said the difference between a father and a dad is that one gave birth to you and one raised you too be the person you became.

[@gordon1882]

I feel so lucky to have found this series :) Really helpful videos guys!

[@johnlemus7921]

No one is perfect, and sometimes even if a person tries their best, its still just not good enough. My father has always tried to do the best he could by my family. He has always had good intentions. The worst thing about him is that he internalizes everything and its not only hurt our relationship but it has had a huge impact on his health. I know I have been a constant source of disappointment as has my brother. Neither of us made it as far academically as my father would have liked. I never did well in school and he always blamed me. I have several conditions that were never properly diagnosed as a kid, two of them being dyslexia and dysgraphia.

[@ccm800]

We spend a life time waiting for our parents to apologize and they wait a lifetime hoping for a thank you.

[@Chococat_Ariana]

same - @4:21 beating was his way of discipline when i was younger, and i remember wishing mom was an earshot away to hear it and come save me. sometimes it worked sometimes it didn't. but in the long run, it truly humbled me - to hold my tongue when i disagreed on opinions and to think it through before i made any actions to speak for itself. i totally agree with the whole parenting about what they would'a should'a could'a, as in if we could only rewrite our lives, or a matter of fact their lives (because i unfortunately picked up his impatience and physically abusiveness as a way to handle probelms at a young age, and slowly had to unteach myself in later years)," maybe a lot of negativity that trickled through wouldn't have occured. but unfortunately what he also said was true. maybe it's because that's how they were taught by their parents, and even though it wasn't the best way to handle disciplining, it was the best that my dad could do - what he knew would work - when disobedient behavior occured.

[@tabatahlima120]

wonderful! keep the amazing work guys!

[@acroyogawithdao7416]

powerful series. this video in particular hits home.

[@Rippedheart777]

I love this series. Hope it keeps up, with the same contributors and also broadening its scope in terms of topics and men.

[@samiraband]

I love these series, I am a woman, and a whole new world opens up for me.

[@JenniM1197]

This is very nice. Growing up with brothers I can relate to watching the relationship between father and son, and discipline... the belt was used oh boy..lol. Seeing this has made me appreciate my father, and seeing that he has raised my brothers and all of us in general quite well. There are times when he works so much, I hardly get to see him, but I know hes the one keeping the family together financially, and my mom is doing the emotional part..lol Idk...However Id love to see a father daughter version of this. The guy with the coming out story was very touching, but at the same time very positive. :)

[@alishacrswartz]

This episodes could be an hour long at least. So interesting!

[@bootsfarrow]

i loved the that's what she said, and the same with this. I'm grateful that, i never was in physical altercations. though the reason is because his father. which saddens me that he went through. my father and myself are best friends but always disagree. which helps one another grow as individuals. his accomplishments have molded me to be a respected person. though i have my faults and he has his. we never hold them against one another but are willing to be supportive of each other

[@kencoleman5007]

I learned a mixture of things from my father. In some examples, I was learning to not follow his example, and in other cases, I look up to his strengths. In truth, he survived three forms of cancer, but gradually succumbed to alcoholism, and died from the resulting cirrhosis. As a high functioning Aspie (passable for a highly articulate "neurotypical" now), I couldn't communicate with and learn from my parents as well as I can my therapist today. That led to my father going through times of emotional abuse towards that increased in their consistency while, my mom was passive for the most part. Neither parents were that great with understanding how my comprehension and effort was fine, but the articulation and literal translation wasn't going that great. Under the perception that I just wasn't working hard enough, My teens were additionally more sheltered, and strictly parented than my siblings' teenage years. When it came time to apply for college, I moved a state and a half away, receiving drunk phone calls from home on my dorm landline, and my dad monitoring my time logged in to AIM through my sister's buddylist. My dad died in the November of my senior year, the Monday after Thanksgiving. My upbringing was pretty screwed up, and I still see a therapist for the anxieties and learning skills (he... sought his answers through another means rather than talking). But I am thankful for those fleeting moments of my dad's old better self when they did happen. For his last, weekend, personality-wise he was his old self. My brother and I had a more civil opportunity to say "Goodbye." to him. Looking at normal families, and my ex-gf's family (we're still close), seeing a father-figure who plays such a supportive and positive role in the family is so alien to me. Aside from any further father-in-law, I'd say the closest is the rapport that I have with my mom's new husband.

[@frasersmtih8420]

my father has taught me to see the parts of myself that I should never let control me. I've watched him be a chainsmoking alcoholic without caring for his body or his wife or his kids. I made the decision that I don't want to be like that. it's easy to hate him but I know that he loves me in his way. sometimes its just hard to see

[@quanzoboi420]

i love my father. but there are also those times i hate him. he's a very quiet and smart person. but when he does have something to say hes either yelling cracking jokes or telling me some random facts about apples. and i really dont understand my dad. but the one thing hes taught me is to have a good work ethic. before he instilled that in me i was the laziest slob ever. i hated to even take out the trash and i would rather play video games or lay down and watch weird guys play minecraft. this was with every aspect of my life. school, sports, home. but i dont know what it was that he did but he really changed me as a person and really helped me to be a better hard working man and because of him I'm constantly told that i am a very hard working and well rounded person i am. and i cant thank anyone else but him. hopefully i can better my understanding of him and build my relationship with him.

[@Azusa434]

hmmm my dad... I have a very good relationship with him, we can finish each other's sentences and i had actually worked for my dad for a long time. In fact i want to be a chef after working with my dad (who is also a chef). I know that when we were younger he was the one working and mom would look after us. So when i got older he would regret sometimes not always being there for my sister or I when we were younger. He also just wants what's best for us. I also learned from him that hard work doesn't kill you, and not to wait around for something to be handed to you. I'm pretty fortunate to have an awesome dad even if he would have to yell or discipline us.

[@raquelmalone1614]

Beautiful ♥️

[@thra-x1855]

i can't understand how this series has so few views?

[@daisysamuel3288]

My dad is a good man

[@i08dionisio]

As it is said in Portuguese: "filho és, pai serás"

[@jessestrings]

when i was a kid i was afraid, my dad had some serious anger probs, still does but he just curses at the object. im not afraid of him anymore, mostly cus im like twice his size.

[@jessestrings]

also i should say besides his anger, he always did what was best for me and my sister. always provided and cared, never a day goes by that he doesnt say i love you to us. he wants to be the father that he never had and i always felt blessed to have him.

[@jamesdukes3679]

I agree it was an awesome video

[@rachelfagansinger6205]

Where is soul pancake based? New York?

[@forgottenone90]

the only thing I've learnt from my father is how to feel guilty for everything I truly am.

[@anoynmousanonymous7079]

I was not fortunate to have had a dad my dad was murdered in his office few months before I was born, I feel left out

[@jamiebutler4305]

#accomplishment

[@karmen4086]

the CC is very off

[@ParadoxdesignsOrg]

I was raised without a father. Wtf does that mean?

[@rabbittimetosmile7183]

where did those hands come from at 4:31

[@matts1572]

A person

[@anabellacasanova4207]

+tambi P That's just the dolly grip pushing the camera in the background. He's wearing black so you can't really see his body. :)

[@guesswho5790]

Not that it's hard or whatever but... (Minute 2:55 guy in the purple shirt) you are old enough to go to therapy and stop blaming your father for not knowing how to deal with frustration and your emotions. Take some responsability and ownership in your life to stop being a victim of circumstance.

[@Happytrooper6]

maybe i am spupid but i do ot get thepointof this. is it a self help group.

[@jamiebutler4305]

i am the first one to comment!!!!

[@Sam-xx7tf]

This.is.real.progressive.feminism.