Fear of Forgetting

Dementia is my greatest fear. Alzheimer's Disease and the Fear of Forgetting can be understood through Phenomenology.
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Insta: / clarkelieson
Thank you @oliSUNvia for your lines!
Sources:
The Problem of Alzheimer's by Jason Karalwish
Being and Time by Martin Heidegger
The Phenomenology of Perception by Merleau-Ponty
Underland by Robert MacFarlane
The Visible and The Invisible by Merleau-Ponty
Depth of Memory as the Depth of the World by Glen Mazis
Naming and Necessity by Saul Kripke
The Sublime Object of Ideology by Slavoj Zizek
Alzheimer's Through The Stages by Moller
SlaughterHouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut
Everything in its Place by Oliver Sacks
The World as Will and Representation by Schopenhauer
I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream by Ellison
The Long Dream by Junji Ito
Music:
Just A Burning Memory (Caretaker), Deeper Than The Walls (Kane Pixels), Head (Thumper), Pipes (Kane Pixels), Panacea (Hyper Light Drifter), We Don’t Have Many Days (Caretaker), Procession inversif - Act V - (Vincent Nielaender), The Way Ahead Feels Lonely (Caretaker), Wisdom’s Tragedy (Hyper Light), The Complex (Kane Pixels), Assorted Music From Everywhere At The End of Time, Cold Comfort (Oxenfree), Glimpses of Hope in Trying Times (Caretaker), Crime of Innocence (Evangelion), Libet's Delay, Bewildered in Other Eyes (Caretaker), Proxy (Soma), Canonical Aside (Dead Space 2), Titan (Hyper Light), Sublime Beyond Loss (Caretaker), What Do You Know (Annihilation), Making of a Cyborg, Nightstalker, Floating Musem (Ghost in the Shell), Bay (Before Your Eyes), Title (Omori), Stage 5 (EATEOT), Prométhée Part 1a (Zaboitzeff), Stage 5, Hell Sirens, Stage 6 (EATEOT), Shockwave (Inside), Inside the Church (Disco Elysium), The Alien (Annihilation), Place in The World Fades Away (Caretaker). The Truth (Before Your Eyes)
Animated covers by ramunderscoresa...
#dementia #alzheimer #everywhereattheendoftime

[@ClarkElieson]

"What an abyss of uncertainty whenever the mind feels that some part of it has strayed beyond its own borders; when it, the seeker, is at once the dark region through which it must go seeking." - Marcel Proust Check out my latest upload, ‘Nostalgia Isn’t What It Used To Be:’ kzbin.info/www/bejne/npO6e4yrftCBlbs Support Me: www.patreon.com/ClarkElieson Insta: instagram.com/clarkelieson/

[@kshitiztiwari8227]

Could you explain what this means? ( i am having trouble understanding)

[@ludwig112]

Please do not stop making content, your content is peak-quality and i love your videos.

[@thesaddestdude3575]

Amazing video dude! What dementia also shows is thats really horrible is the abyss, its like it slowly reveals itself, you talked about the drain at the end our conciousness gets sucked into. But in most deaths why fall through a trapdoor quickly. But in dementia it just happens slower so we get to see the approaching abyss with clarity we otherwise wouldn't.

[@jugahsoreim7487]

Can u do one about skitzophrenia if u haven't

[@jaletemur6680]

dont you think i wouldnt recognize the kane pixels music playin in the background nor the faint references to the caretaker"s album about dementia YOU CANNOT HİDE ANYTHİN FROM ME CLARK

[@user-iu1eg2pt7i]

"There's nothing sadder than mourning a person who's still alive."

[@frostbitetheannunakiiceind6574]

fr

[@Siggy29]

Had to do this with my dad unfortunately

[@triplehelix3207]

did that with my grandparents when they had cancers

[@GatoSanDad]

I understand this. My mom was this way before she died.

[@doohickeyorsomefunnything]

Reading all you guys replies make me wanna kiss my mom when she gets angry at me for doing something wrong

[@ninjacraftb]

Well, as a witness to dementia, here’s what I’ll say. This is exactly what I needed, a way to understand what Grandma went thru from her side. Ever since Grandma died of dementia in 2018 (she had a brain surgery in 2017, it was believed that the anesthesia caused her dementia to rapidly speed up), and she had to move in with us, it was crazy. It started out with little things, she’d make breakfast at 4 AM, or dinner at 9 PM, or she’d confuse my oldest brother for my 2nd brother. Then it got more severe, she’d start forgetting names, yet she’d actually start remembering my name (She always called me by my siblings or cousins names by accident). So in that case it seems she did gain some function. But soon it’d like I said, be more severe stuff. She’d put a dirty spoon back into the drawer, think it was 1964 again, or ask me and my parents if Santa Claus had come yet. About 6 months in, she couldn’t walk much anymore, she’d be able to get from her bed to her chair, and from her chair to the bathroom, and at dinner time we’d help her to the table so she could eat with the family. Then about a month later, she couldn’t get out of the bed anymore, I felt so awful seeing her wear adult diapers because in a way, it felt like we were dehumanizing her. Then, she’d stop drinking her tea, and Grandma always had a tea kettle on the stove. 4 days before she died, she called myself and my parents into her room to tell us she saw Nanny and Grandpa (Grandma’s parents), she said Nanny was getting the bedroom ready, she was changing the sheets and dusting the shelves, and she had stuffed peppers in the oven to celebrate seeing Grandma again, and that Grandpa was on his way to get her, and for a few minutes, we had Grandma back, she drank her tea and ate breakfast for the first time in forever, Dad offered to make her more but she said “No thanks, you’ve done enough for me now, I’m all good.” And a few minutes later, she was almost in a vegetative state. I cannot explain how horrible it was, seeing Grandma, one of the most energetic people I’d met, just want to sleep all day. I said what I needed to say to her, and then just checked on her every few hours, letting her sleep. The day before she died, her home health aid came in to do her weekly checkup on Grandma, and that’s when we got the news, her oxygen saturation was at 83%, and that we needed to get everyone over to the house now. She started making this weird rattling noise too, the health aid said it’s called the death rattle. Exactly 14 hours later, 5/22/2018, 3:40 AM, Grandma stopped breathing. I miss you so much Grandma, I’m glad I could finally understand what you went through. EDIT: September 2023 Mom had a stroke 7 months ago, shit's been real hard, she's starting to display the same symptoms as Grandma, my father's taken all this the hardest. She'll call me thinking I'm my father, she's lost her ability to tell the time or differentiate the days of the week, she's got minimal use of her left and right leg, this is all so bad. I was the one who called for help when she had the stroke, and she was begging me not to, saying Grandma was here and she was ready to die. A few weeks later, Mom told me that when she was having the stroke, my grandmother was there with her and she was giving this elaborate speech about death, but once I called my brother so he could call an ambulance, Mom said Grandma stopped mid-sentence, looked at me, then back to her, and said "But I decided it's not time yet." and left.

[@editorguyofficial]

This story genuinely made my heart sting. I can't even say "that's just life" because not everyone suffers dementia. I apologize you ever had to see someone go through this, and I hope... No... I pray you never have to experience it yourself, and that's coming from an atheist

[@God_Yeeter]

She must have experienced terminal lucidity early, her have enough clarity suddenly to tell her story about her nanny and grandpa foreshadowing that her death was just over the horizon,

[@asideofaioli4630]

This is a very impactful share. Thank you for allowing us to read it.

[@spectoestis3106]

hey, what in the actual fuck

[@staguser3743]

Thank you for sharing, my grandma was suffering from dementia too. Your story made me feel that my family is not the only one who had to go through all this terryfing experience

[@user-ho4nw5sf3w]

I just turned 74. Last week at the grocery store I forgot how to use my credit card. I stood looking at it and wondering what to do. Thankfully a ckerk who knows me saw what was heppening and came and rescued me. I know its comming, My Mother suffered from Dementia. She went back to her childhood, and I left here there. She was happy and so was I. Now it is my turn and I hope those around me let me be. It really is what is needed from you.

[@adanhollis6732]

Don't worry I'm 20 and do that sometimes; I really hope that you're doing alright though, I can't imagine how scary that is

[@Waterenjoyer1308]

The bad spelling makes me scared for you, talk to your doctors.

[@dumdum_plays]

hes just having a little mishap dont worry until it really starts to manifest his mind@@Waterenjoyer1308

[@user-ho4nw5sf3w]

@@Waterenjoyer1308 I already seeing the doctor. But my mother went this way so I kinda know what's coming and I am taking proper steps to deal with it. Other than that I'm in good health.

[@lucysmith4242]

Please if you are driving reassess frequently. Wishing you the best and your brave for acknowledging your situation

[@xyvzi2809]

I know you are never gonna see this message, but I just need to share somewhere… I was 30:20 in the video when my mom called and told me that my grandma was going to be unplugged tonight… she died from dementia. I just think that was crazy and I definitely won’t ever forget this video… much love and peace

[@k-labazarts]

What a terrible coincidence. Very sorry.

[@thefuckingratking]

Oh my god, I’m so sorry for your loss, I hope you’re doing okay

[@somerandomgoogleuser3374]

Firstly sorry for your loss..... My 84 y.o. Mother is currently at about stage 5 going on 6.... it's gaining momentum..... It isn't a fun journey for us children (four of us.... I am the youngest at 54 but the most aware of us & educated on the Disease) BUT imagine how my poor bloody Mother must feel inside..... So hard to see "Mum" slipping farther & farther away from us...... It's like she's drowning into an Abyss & that she's too deep already to attempt a rescue..... Sorry, I speak in analogies....

[@yamacsahin386]

@@somerandomgoogleuser3374you speak well boss, wish the best for you and your family

[@chloeiannacone]

I’m very sorry for your loss

[@Lagw1020]

This went from educational to straight up existential

[@scxicide]

fr

[@Pastelwrlds]

I litterly do not remember clicking on this video

[@Gushxsgone]

@@Pastelwrlds where am i?

[@ilikefrogs471]

Yeah, that's usually what happens with philosophy

[@dinogt8477]

trash

[@smileyp4535]

God, that story of the doctor who found his own chart and reading he had alzheimers is like a twilight zone episode

[@catdownthestreet]

It really is

[@the-tum-tum-tree]

not going to lie I'm pretty sure there's a few Twilight episodes that are very similar

[@hunzu2969]

There was a similar story about a doctor that was studying psychopaths and after a while he realised he also was a psychopath 💀

[@MrHonkler]

Life is scarier than fiction

[@Ujuani68]

Exactly. Because forgetfulness and confusion are symptoms. Dementia is a SYMPTOM of the destruction of the brain! I work with old people, and I have attained numerous classes about this. I learned, that sometimes tiny, short memories are left... Those are called memory islands...because all else around them.. is destroyed.🤯😖😢

[@MK0SAW]

I’m a registered nurse working at a nursing home, Alzheimer’s and LBD are an every day surrounding element there. I see the fear and rage in my residents bubble up all the time, followed by those crushing waves of self-awareness and shame. I watch as their speech slowly deteriorates from full sentences, to extreme afasia, to just small sounds, and then silence. I watch as they slowly forget how to walk. I’ve held a hundred year old’s hand at night as they cried, asking for their mommy. I find myself wondering if I’m a hypocrite, sometimes. I adore my patients, love caring for them, it’s my entire world. I’m so fond of them.. while being terrified of becoming them one day. Amazing video. Gave me a lot to think about. Thank you for taking the time to make this.

[@valleyofthedolls666]

i’ve always been told i’m an identical copy of my mother when she was younger, it was always such a fun and silly thing among my family. i’ll never forget being 12 years old and having to actually pretend to be my mom because my grandfathers only memories left of her was when she was my age.

[@Czekytcze]

😞

[@local_rogue_murder_droneheheh]

😶

[@FushiguroTojizenin]

I'm speechless

[@superfungus947]

That is an extremely unique and heartbreaking experience. I hope you’re doing well.

[@concept5631]

Sorry you went through that

[@ratasslordofyoink4542]

The most horrifying thing about the self portraits is that he lived for five years after he could barely even understand the concept of a head.

[@TheBBCSlurpee]

Chad tho

[@Star-pl1xs]

@@TheBBCSlurpee what?

[@mimithegshep4380]

It’s not that he couldn’t understand the concept of a head it’s that he was forgetting how to draw one

[@joemama-bu5ue]

@@mimithegshep4380 he was likely forgetting it too you forget KEY things at the later stages you literally start to forget how to form the most basic sentences, at that point you are essentially semi-dead..

[@Aladayle]

His wife apparently said that he stopped drawing about the time of that last picture. And that even though he didn't die for a few more years, she considered him dead - because he was always drawing, always, it was just him, what he did. And when he stopped doing that, what was HIM, she considered him dead.

[@bannana_hanna4393]

Imagine being a doctor and you flipping through your own medical history and then seeing "Alzheimer's" it's a nightmare

[@kaielmacmillan9258]

That’s fricking terrifying.

[@klodno6164]

That is some nightmare fuel

[@MuddyTony]

Wait I don't remember getting diagnose- Oh.

[@paoduro9194]

@@MuddyTony its Just a burning memory

[@MuddyTony]

@@paoduro9194 my heart is aching for some reason Anyone know why?

[@S_N1ST3R]

0:00 “At best, forgetting is simply inconvenient, at its worst, it can destroy a life. Multiple lives.” This is the scariest quote I have heard, hands down. No form of history is permanent, videos can be deleted or destroyed, VHS tapes can be unwound or torn apart by an uneducated child, and memories can be taken away, just as quickly as you gained them.

[@roochiee]

i had trauma as a child so as i’ve grown i’ve forgotten a lot of my childhood. i only have a few distinct memories from before 16. my dad was telling me how he used to video tape and take pictures of me and my sister nearly every day. i didn’t believe him because i felt like i’d remember being in front of a camera all the time but.. he showed them to me… a version of me i used to be but have no recollection of… it was weird and very saddening for me. forgetting is scary

[@sarviek]

Childhood trauma messed with my memory too. I find myself running in circles in my mind because of the things I can't remember and it freaks me out. I hear other people recall their childhood vividly and it irks me that mine is just not there in my mind. Any of the parts I remember feel disjointed as if they were different lifetimes.

[@themoribundapathetic4530]

​@sarviiek i have trauma but i remember everything down to when i was 1.5 yrs old

[@bambiibabyy8257]

“and then they forget how to breathe” This sent chills down my spine

[@zkoopa4445]

Lemme guess you also forget how to blink

[@bambiibabyy8257]

@@zkoopa4445 sure?

[@matthewboire6843]

Then you forget how to forget

[@lexierdiaz6653]

@@matthewboire6843 then you forget how to forget how to forget

[@joueurmecontent8632]

Forgetting things is unforgettable.

[@herobane6488]

there's no fate worse than being alive to experience your own death.

[@cristianm7097]

We all die a little each day.

[@triopical6884]

@@careypridgeon Was the stroke near the brain stem?

[@CloudAnon]

sup Herobane lol

[@herobane6488]

@@CloudAnon what a place to find me huh

[@CloudAnon]

@@herobane6488 indeed lmao

[@theycallmeazronnn]

This video hits so different now that I've been diagnosed with early onset alzheimers😅 but though my life will be short I'm still going to make the best of it. It's what my mother would have wanted❤

[@yygamersvs]

You will make it! You have all the support in the world ❤❤

[@jessie6600]

@@yygamersvsbro he ain’t gonna make it but that’s okay

[@Zarmdthecoolest]

Probably a good attitude to have. You don't need memories or knowledge to vibe 👍

[@theycallmeazronnn]

@@yygamersvs my family has a long history of early onset alzheimers. It's a genetic disease and all of my family members who had it didn't make it past their 30s. My mother died when I was 11, she was only 37 years old. My nan was also 37 when she died, and my mum was 11 when that happened, which is a weird coincidence. I can't remember how old my uncle was but I know he wasn't in his 40s. I appreciate the optimism, but unless there's a cure by the time I start developing symptoms I'm not going to make it. But that's okay, we all have to die someday. I'm only 21 but in less than a month I'll be turning 22, so I've got plenty of time to enjoy my life while I still can. I'm going to do my best and live the best life I possible can and carry on making people around me smile. Alzheimers will take my memories from me, but it won't take away the memories of my loved ones and their memories of me❤

[@theycallmeazronnn]

It's 3:20 in the morning where I live and I'm extremely tired, so I hope that all that made sense but if it didn't I'm sorry😅 I've read through all of it and edited parts of it a few times so hopefully it all makes sense.

[@roki4686]

"chemo for the cancer of thought" 41:32 im gonna have to give you that one. that shit HIT ME LIKE A BUS. legit got chills

[@WMA-NOVABirding_YT]

Damn

[@diablominero]

It sounded like a passable (if overly poetic and dramatic) description of ego dissolution. You, too, can experience a temporary cessation of thought while remaining conscious if you use the right drugs.

[@thatonecommenter7169]

As a kid, i lost my great grandma to dementia. I was so young that all i can remember are the last few stages, the loss of self. I remember bringing her flowers to the hospital with my grandma. At that point she couldn't say a word, just slurred mumbling. She leaned in for a hug while mumbling something and i take that it meant that even if she didn't recognize us still understood the situation. It was the last time i saw her. All i can say is that dementia, losing yourself, your memories, it getting to the point where you don't know if you're still alive makes it a fate worse than death.

[@ViperPain141]

It just makes you a husk… horrible fate

[@SpinoRexy733]

@@ViperPain141 I personally think it's cruel to keep these people alive, we humanly euthanize our pets when they are suffering from irreversible, untreatable and uncurable illnesses, yet we do not extent that same compassion to humans and just leave them to be consumed by these terminal illnesses. Which is why if I'm ever diagnosed with this illness I'll ask to be euthanized and if the doctors refuse then I'll go out of my way to do it myself, throw myself into speeding traffic if I have to. I refuse to suffer this fate.

[@SpinoRexy733]

@Manhog Sonic Just gotta squeeze politics into everything don't you? Also your delusional if you think this country was perfect before Biden but your most likely a mindless contrarian right winger so what else would I expect from you.

[@anmordi285]

@Manhog Sonic what?

[@anmordi285]

@Manhog Sonic how did you lose your country to dementia

[@alondraelizeth6805]

I work in geriatrics, specifically memory care. The best way I've been able to explain dementia to families is this; imagine youre put in a random area with no memory. You use clues to piece things together. "Where am I? ...hm this tile looks familiar. OH! It looks like hospital tile. Oh right my kid had that surgery....oh yeah her tonsil removal. Its 2007 then and she's uum 5." Meanwhile its 2022 and her child is actually in her 30's. With research we've learned that "reality grounding" does NOT work. Why? Just observe where you are right now. Youre reading a comment on youtube, just chilling, and then suddenly someone begins to grab your shoulder and yell "Grandpa! Cmon! We need to get going!" Youre first instict will be "wtf? who tf are you? grandpa???" You'll be confused. Agitated that this person keeps insisting they know you. No matter how much they yell they wont convince you that youre their grandpa because that is not YOUR reality. I recently had a 102 year old patient get a visit from her daughter. Her daughter came by to feed her momma. At this point of age, she was on a puree diet and was a feeder. However when her daughter began to try to feed her mom, she goes "no! no stop. you should be feeding my daughter first" The nurse then asked "Oh! How old is your daughter?" and the 102 year old woman answers "...she's two...two" So here this woman was telling her 60 year old daughter that she was two because when she saw the puree and heard feeding she thought "oh! i must be feeding my baby!"

[@ClarkElieson]

Fascinating

[@alondraelizeth6805]

@@ClarkElieson Love your video very much. Dementia has to be the scariest thing a human can expierence. I have seen gorey ER entrances on NOC shift but nothing is scarier than seeing the decline of the human mind to dementia. It can be fast or slow and effects everyone so differently. Another fact, a lot of times days before death dementia "cures" itself. Ive seen feeders who become bed ridden from dementia suddenly speak, ask about their grandkids, smile, and say "I'll feed myself. You can leave.." While the family celebrates we have to take them aside and try to explain how this might be a sign of the end..and then as fate will have it, they'll pass days later. We call it the sun before the storm. I find it to be the most fascinating, most heartbreaking, part. There might never be a cure but I hope research continues. Support groups are key as well. Its not easy being forgetten and its not easy forgetting as well.

[@clydetheteenageboy2441]

Thanks for explaining it instead of SHROUDING IT IN METAPHOR FOR THE AESTHETIC OF CONFUSING THE FUCK OUT OF ME WTF ARE YOU SAYING I HAVE WORK TOMORROW MY BRAIN IS MOST OF THE DAY CONSUMING THE SHITTY BRAINED SENTENCES OF THE STUPID DETERIORATING BRAINS OF NO LIFE MIDDLE AGED PEOPLE I HAVE NO CHOICE I EITHER AM LISTENING TO THEM OR LISTENING TO GUYS LIKE THIS OR EVEN WORSE THAN BOTH TODAYS BAR FOR ENTERTAINMENT ON KZbin COMMENTARY GUYS WITH FILLER SENTENCES THAT DEPEND ON THEIR LOOK TO BE RESPECTED AND I HAVE SHIT NEIGHBORS THAT REACT TO ME WHEN I DO ANYTHING BECAUSE IVE MADE IT CLEAR ON MY SIDE OF THE WALL THAT I HATE SHEEP AND THEY ARE LITERALLY SHEEP AND THEYRE LITERALLY THE PEOPLE I AM AGAINST AND I HAVE SO MUCH TO PROTECT ABOUT MYSELF EVERYDAY I JUST WANT THEM TO DIE AND I WANT 2 THOUSAND DOLLARS TO MOVE ON WITH MY LIFE AND REGAIN THE PERSON IVE LOST THAT IS ME AND ENJOY VIDEOS LIKE THIS AGAIN 😐

[@Blanqmind]

When you began with the "someone grabs your shoulder" part I felt an existencial chill run down my spine.. that is too good of a way to grab me out of the comfort, feeling of safety and nonchalant attitude one has to the screen they stare at.

[@donttalktomeyoureannoying8736]

This comment is bringing me to tears, she still has maternal instincts after all this time 😢

[@posiedon3142]

My grandfather died about two weeks ago. He had demetia, and he would forget things. He mentioned how the house that he was in was much like his own. He bought that house and raised four children in it. He would forget where he went to college, and what he did. He attained multiple P.H.D's in many subjects. His mind slipped away like ice cream melting into the burning concrete. He remembered people, however. For that I'm grateful. This video truly scared me, because this is real. I do not want this to happen to me. I may be fourteen, but the inevitability of this means I very well may lose myself tomorrow, and there would be the same result. Maybe I will be spared this fate. Maybe I shall resemble my grandfather. Maybe I will be left wandering an unfamiliar hall, with people I do not know, in a house I grew up in, with my family.

[@eccodreams]

My grandfather also died recently, nearly a year ago. He too had dementia, and passed away quietly and peacefully. There is no advice applicable to the grieving one goes through due to a situation like this, but the days do get better, even if they intermittently get worse. In memory of the memories they could not recall, we live on.

[@mychemicaltea]

damn you got great writing skills at 14

[@GetLurantisd]

It’s gonna be ok, don’t worry. there’s already treatments for Alzheimer’s! There is probably gonna be a cure by the time we’re old! (I’m also 14)

[@theempireofall515]

Do not fear dementia. You cannot prevent it, so why would you fear it? Fear is used to protect you, protect you from an active threat. I had fear of dementia when I was Ten, I'm 14. It will come for us, and we must embrace it before it embraces us back,

[@theempireofall515]

@@mychemicalteaits very good. It's not talking like an ancient roman which makes it easily indecipherable. It is weird though, that every person who has a early developed brain will develop dementia. It is depressing, really.

[@JackJackIsBackBack]

My God.... This just randomly popped up in my recommended and it was like listening to an hour-long poem. It was so thought-provoking and so deep and so well researched. Round of applause.

[@fuiku_xns]

U not alone it popped randomly

[@gabrisgamer450]

I can’t imagine anything more cruel than going through the horrors of dementia only to die the moment you finally remember yourself Edit: I’m not saying it’s a bad thing to be lucid before you die, because at the very least it’s some nice closure before you pass on, which is better than nothing. I just find it very sad that the moment the clouds finally dissipate and everything starts to make sense again, you don’t get to experience the bliss of remembrance for very long before you ultimately pass away

[@brenndanmcdonaugh1672]

I think it's a mercy. You see the sun one last time before it sets. If you have loved ones nearby, they get to see YOU again before the end.

[@RaysofLight98]

I wonder if anyone has brought up this as a sign that rather than destroying our memories, Alzheimer’s just makes them increasingly difficult to access? Is it possible? *I just looked it up. It’s been brought up and it is a respected hypothesis.

[@OttoVonBonesmarck]

at least you get to die as your self... which is all any of us can truly hope for

[@thecoldduvet7381]

@@brenndanmcdonaugh1672 I defo look at this way too

[@Mr.Plant1994]

To the right people it will feel like closure. The person getting together as much strength as they can muster to say goodbye. In a bittersweet way it’s a big relief. To others it’s like losing a loved one all over again, and having to grief all over again.

[@alphahighs]

Terminal lucidity is so mind boggling. I've seen a case of an elderly woman bedridden for a while. She was expected to pass away that day or that night so doctors had the whole family in the room at the time. She had a blank stare towards the ceiling. She wouldn't respond to much but the occasional "Huh?" As family members were talking to her holding her hand, she suddenly snapped out of that mindless state. She began to look around the room at every family member surrounding her. She began pointing with a slight smile as she said the names of her family members one by one. She passed away a couple hours after.

[@gabrielrabelo4968]

It's like watching a corpse get up and speak, before plummeting into the abyss.

[@Mr.Plant1994]

It’s like the bodies way of making sure the people around you don’t remember you in such a terrible light. A way to try to remind them there was a time before dementia. It’s beautiful honeslty

[@jastermereel6949]

The brains final rally to consciousness…

[@ametrime4754]

The fucking shiver down my spine jesus christ

[@Drkekw]

i am now crying

[@akashashok3523]

"and at the end , the only reason for you existing is the strangers around you ,want you to exist " this phrase always had an impact on me, knowing the strangers it refering to is literally your family members.

[@1tricklucio648]

Being only 20 I’ve always had a memory problem, genetic, and my biggest fear is developing Alzheimer’s or dementia, this video didn’t change that but it was a well made video nonetheless 🙂

[@sharkbit1136]

"And then they forget how to breathe." No words can describe how hard this hit me after all the talk about what our memories mean, what our conciousness is, and how dementia destroys it. Forgetting places, times names, loved ones, even forgetting emotions, reflexes, language And then forgetting how to breathe...

[@lib-bj9sz]

It’s like how whales slowly give up on going back to the surface.

[@fuckgoogleandyou8779]

Aaaaa Maybe forgetting to take several long Deep slow breaths in a stressful situation however you can think the master programmer breathing is controlled through your subconscious automatically

[@sharkbit1136]

@@fuckgoogleandyou8779 it was metaphorical lol

[@Cheolssip]

Forgetting what remembering feels like. Forgetting what forgetting feels like. Jeez that's terrifying

[@iiCounted-op5jx]

literally my worst fear on this entire planet

[@coldgal8476]

The scariest part about dementia to me isn’t getting it for myself, I’m okay with that. I’ve made peace with the possibility. What I truly despise about it more than anything is the thought of my loved ones getting it, and the knowledge that I cannot stop it.

[@firststriker5086]

My nan has it. Horrible. She doesn’t even know who I am.

[@coldgal8476]

@@firststriker5086 Jesus Christ. I’m so sorry.

[@MelancholyRequiem]

When my doctor was going over my MRI results, he mentioned my TBI put me at high risk for developing dementia. I'm only 33, and I'm glad he told me so I can make specific plans now to prepare because I don't want my family to have to go through seeing that. The weirdest feeling is trying to figure out how much I should tell them since I don't want them to worry and I don't want them to think they have to make me feel better and tell me it will all be alright. I can relate to not wanting to see any of my own loved ones go through it too because logically we know their memory is nothing to be taken personally, it's the disease, but it still hurts emotionally. Much love and many prayers sent everyone's way 🙏 ❤️

[@Ocoro_]

My friend's aunt died from Alzheimer's She didn't know who my friend was, yet she knew that he was an important person to her

[@ParthSharma-jj3wg]

My uncle had alzheimers and my aunt used to tell us that several times she would wake up middle of the night and my uncle would be standing there on the bedside staring at her and would ask her who she is and what is she doing there. That scared the shit outta me. I am not sure i would have the courage to go through that.

[@personified3500]

I remember watching a video in school about how music has been used with dementia patients and it brings them back in a sense. Like they remember what life was like at time before. It’s fascinating

[@Holttem]

Yes this is true. i sang with my grandpa right before his death and he could. He didnt remember my name

[@keeegsssss7379]

I grew up with my grandmother. She raised me while my mom and dad were both away for work. We shared a bond like no other, almost as if I were her son. She developed Lung Fibrosis a few years back, then dementia kicked in. I’ve been watching her slowly wilt away to the point that she’s no more recognizable to me. Neither does she remember me. She’s currently admitted in the hospital and the doctor has stated that her time is near. It’s so painful, nobody can prepare you to cope with this.

[@starlightfox8982]

Glad I'm not alone in having Alzheimer's/Dementia be a biggest fear. To know that one day I might forget my entire life, my family, and myself, and have absolutely no way to stop it, is utterly terrifying. In fact, I find dementia scarier than death itself. At least death generally happens quickly…dementia is like rotting while still alive.

[@DevonKettle67]

If you’re young, you can only hope that perhaps by the time you’re at risk of dementia, treatment will have advanced and we could even have a cure

[@draketurtle4169]

I guess it’s somewhat twisted, this is the basis behind prison over death. Death will be over fast for the criminal but spending the years left of their life isolated from the rest of the world waking up day after day in the same bed, in the same room, in the same prison, going through the same routine… well that suffering prolonged for that long is incomparable to the suffering experienced in execution. If that’s the deemed to be the ultimate punishment for the worst criminals, how would it feel enduring that as an innocent man except your loosing every freedom slowly one after another until you can’t even do the subconscious acts.

[@nunothedude]

@@draketurtle4169 depending on the crime letting someone rot their entire life is a very valid and rigth cause, heck id argue serial killers, rapists etc need to be tortured or made as slaves

[@Iknowhowbadthisnameis8828]

Try plutonium 210 for rotting from inside. Dementia is the rotting of a brain and only a brain

[@sunderednight]

@@nunothedude U.S. prisoners are already legally slaves but you might need to argue that torture part by encouraging more police brutality. 😉 再見！

[@magentapurpleyap5566]

I love how he didn't elaborate on "They forget how to breath". He didn't explained why its terrible because it couldn't be explained, no words or images can describe this utter terror, it is beyond explainations at this point.

[@W333L]

It’s so horrifying. The framing as forgetting really carries the narrative to its absolute end. After everything has been taken from them and there’s only a living shell left, there’s still something more to be taken.

[@magentapurpleyap5566]

@@W333L You litterally forget how to live.

[@adam170chelbi6]

@@magentapurpleyap5566 that means if someone had Alzheimer and somehow survive forgetting how to breath they'll die by forgetting how to beat they're heart This is Terrifying

[@triopical6884]

@@adam170chelbi6 Maybe not forgetting how to beat your heart, since the heart is an involuntary muscle. A possible cause of forgetting how to breath is that the brain stem is already too damaged to do it.

[@adam170chelbi6]

@@triopical6884 I hope you understand because poor choice of words By "forgetting" I meant at an unconscious level since y'know you can't control it but technically the stem forget how to do it because of how damaged it is due to Alzheimer's disease

[@kiriseraph9674]

I've worked in a care home and this disease seems to manifest differently in different people even at the same stages of the condition. One lady walked around picking fights, another sat and chatted merrily with invisible people about how much she loves her Father, another screamed for help all day long, and yet another was curled into a fetal condition, shaking, muttering nonsensically and completely unresponsive to the world around her until she passed away. I think you can only hope that you get immersed in an endless happy nonsensical dream, rather than immersed in a nightmare, or having all your thoughts drowned in a sea of static.

[@terminator7541]

😢😢where you from

[@kiriseraph9674]

UK. Worked in care homes here, there's a lot of alzheimers patients.@@terminator7541

[@renatomarinho8335]

My grandma is currently in a home suffering from severe dementia. My mom has been showing signs of early Alzheimer's. I have always felt this fear of losing myself. Your video has put into words and helped me understand so many of my feelings regarding these situations. Thank you for making something so beautifully sad, enlightening and touching ❤

[@GejHifler]

So hows it goin now

[@tonygriggle5569]

Good luck.

[@theycallmeazronnn]

Stay strong my friend, I know it isn't easy. I got diagnosed recently and I'm still coming to terms with it. I'm really sorry about what you're going through

[@ShortArtGuy]

@@theycallmeazronnnhope you’re doing well

[@pump-kin]

20:59 There is something so utterly terrifying about that. He could barely remember how to use a pencil, or what his own face looked like, and yet he “lived” for several years after that. It fills me with a dread beyond words. To even call it “living” feels like a betrayal on life itself.

[@VOMITQUEEN]

Ikr? He was more of an empty husk beyond that point…. Just a breathing machine barely functioning with no thoughts whatsoever… that’s no way to live

[@aspen.mp3]

It’s truly horrifying. Those 5 years is what I think is his lasts few “working” brain cells desperately trying to keep the body alive

[@matiasluukkanen7718]

In some sense, perhaps, but even mono-cellular life-forms do live, as do amoebas and rest of the protozoans, and these certainly have no concept of pencils or faces. Rather, it is descent from conscious living into unconscious state that is majority of life-experience even within most of the animal kingdom.

[@sail4170]

Terrifying..

[@sail4170]

I would just want to end it

[@galehunter2519]

As a person who’s grandma is in late stage frontal-temporal dementia, I thank you so much for this video. It’s a subject I try not to think about too much, but it always surfaces back up somehow.

[@Sadsoft]

That’s tough. I’ve had both grandmothers go through the same. I would play there favorites, for one it was Elvis and for the other it was the Beatles. It’s so strange how Melodie’s and lyrics can bring a mind back for a little bit until the song was over. Take it easy and just be there for them.

[@lokereb1999]

Dude this is my biggest fear videos about it keep popping up in my KZbin recommendations and I get scared everytime I think about to the point where I can't think straight and I have difficulty remembering things. It's the main reason I don't want to die old. It's like I can't escape this subject because whenever I'm just minding my business, bam a video about dementia/Alzheimer's shows up. Also I'm very sorry about your grandmother it must be very tough for you to see her that way

[@jjmoodii]

I wish you the best in life

[@awesomedudeplayz3950]

The internet stalks you

[@pognaught5677]

Today would've been my grandma's birthday. I hate dementia

[@kylehilfiker917]

"Everywhere at The End of Time" is one of the most amazing niche projects I've ever seen. It's stuck with me for years, and far too few people know about it. Love It's inclusion in this video. Nothing else can tell the story of Dementia in such a way that sticks with you the way it does.

[@Classical4Piano]

Grandpa just died from sepsis and had terminal lucidity the day before. It's crazy, he went from asleep and motionless to alert and aware. His mind was intact until the end, the sepsis never got to his brain. So he was fully aware of what's happening. But this video makes me thankfull that he didn't die from dementia or any other disease, as he simply fell back asleep and died the day I'm writing this. Grief is also weird. Only experienced it a bit when my grandma died last year but I wasn't very close to her. I was very very close to my grandpa so it hits like a truck. There is no way to fully define it until you've experienced it. Thanks for reading lol. Just sad about my grandpa so I decided to express it through a KZbin comment

[@_sallymander_4747]

I’ve come across this comment and just wanted to say I hope you’re doing okay ❤

[@me_sad]

As a child I feared death. I thought it was the worst thing that could ever happen to someone. Recently I have been invited to play the piano for a rest home, most of the residents unfortunately has Dementia. That one experience single handedly changed my perception on death as a whole. Seeing their hopelessness and struggle with simple everyday tasks is heart breaking, it really painted death as a merciful way out. Now I no longer fear death as continuing to live on forever and ever is a curse, not a blessing.

[@Cpt_John_Price]

There is no peace in death as you will no longer there to experience peace in the first place. No music will appreciate you if youre deaf.

[@ThatFoxxoLeo]

@@Cpt_John_Price It's peace relative to dementia, I'd say.

[@MiguelCorreiaDaCunha]

people conflate immortality with degradation. if they halt aging and people can live healthy as long as they wish, I for one, would hop on it, current science points it's not a matter of if, only when. otherwise, yeah, leaving peacefully is my personal goal, not fading away in confusion and pain.

[@lemonlydia]

​​@@Cpt_John_Priceon behalf of a deaf person who also works in memory care (me), kindly eat a pebble

[@yayvids]

there's actually stuff even worse than dementia like SA. but dementia really can ruin

[@sarema_haoul]

I'm speechless. I used to think dementia just made you forget things, but now, I'm even more terrified of it..

[@badumtiss5288]

dementia is a symptom

[@tonjie696]

Same bro

[@lisaprince5767]

Your brain essentially dissolves

[@insaneurysm]

real

[@revilsanjiani146]

man im scared of....... uhh........ oh god......

[@BriGuyIL1980]

I've lost four members of my family to dementia - my grandmother (father's side), my great aunt (father's side), my father's elder sister, and my father's little brother. The last one was the hardest because his death occurred during the Covid quarantine and my father couldn't be with him. My mom tries to reassure me that my uncle was surrounded by nurses that made sure his last moments were comfortable, but I'm thinking more of my dad. Our relationship is a rough one, but I still care about him. That damn virus kept my father from being with his brother. It's hereditary, the dementia, on both sides of my family. I fear my father getting it. I fear my mother getting it. I fear my sisters getting it. I fear getting it myself. I haven't had the best life, and, as you pointed out, dementia can cause a complete personality shift. I'm afraid of I might become. Is it horrible that I hope heart disease takes me? As scary as a heart attack would be, it wouldn't be lingering, would it? Hell, I almost died last October tripping over my own feet, falling down three stairs and bashing my head against a cedar chest. Anything could take me when I think about it, but I don't want to die a little by little everyday. There's a horror movie called Relic that came out in 2020 deals with the subject of a family member with dementia. A woman, along with her daughter, move into her mother's home to take care of her. The house is covered in an ever present mold, symbolic of the pervasiveness of the disease. There's some body horror in it, but the last 10 ten minutes got me right in heart because what happens. I don't want to spoil it, but it was a metaphor that almost made me cry. I've nothing more to say. I don't know if anyone will read this. Thank you, Mr. Elieson, for making this video.

[@DEGRODANTONTHEINTERNET-uf8br]

No sound, No memory, Mind without purpose, Mind without cohesion, Body with no control, Body with no hope. Empty space. Void. Nothing.

[@JoseDaPrimo]

I haven't cried in ages. my newest biggest fear is losing my self and forgetting everything while not knowing its happening.

[@Snaxolotly]

Honestly... this video is so heavy.

[@Gemeuax]

I have a fear that’s kinda like that. It’s fearing to go insane, realize everybody is abandoning you and moving on without you, and forgetting about you, and then you soon forget about them when your own loved ones come back to you when you need them the most. Simple terms, also known as dementophobia, fear of going insane.

[@heroesinhoodies1210]

@Christian one, because it’s an genuinely horrifying concept, and two, because the odds of experiencing it as a senior are just as horrifying.

[@alfredovazquez3587]

You should read Flowers for Algernon

[@Michigander_of_the_West]

@@ryansmith8002 to 100, not likely.

[@blessica1101]

I worked at a memory care facility for over a couple of years. I was put through a simulation that blurred my vision, muffled my hearing and had gloves put on that make my hands feel ruff. I was given multiple tasks to do in this condition and I walked out crying. It really helped me to better care for the residents and to be more understanding of their situation.

[@isthataspider7410]

Sounds rough but I'm glad it helped give you perspective

[@SpinoRexy733]

I personally think it's cruel to keep these people alive, we humanly euthanize our pets when they are suffering from irreversible, untreatable and uncurable illnesses, yet we do not extent that same compassion to humans and just leave them to be consumed by these terminal illnesses. Which is why if I'm ever diagnosed with this illness I'll ask to be euthanized and if the doctors refuse then I'll go out of my way to do it myself, throw myself into speeding traffic if I have to. I refuse to suffer this fate.

[@renbowo]

@@SpinoRexy733 depending on the level of the illness, you will probably forget about it lol

[@RickyC0626]

@@SpinoRexy733 The worst part is, by the time you feel like your condition is irreversible, it would have been too late, since you would have forgotten what your original plan was. All that is left is confusion and frustration.

[@niconotoneshot]

@@renbowo i mean... your not wrong

[@nickmuaythaiandfitness]

My grandmother had dementia. She would forget everything. She thought my grandpa had a girlfriend living in the house, people were following her, my ex girlfriend was named Lindsey, she’d call her Reggie from time to time, we thought it was cute. One day she had a stroke and it seemed to set everything off. When she came home she couldn’t even talk, she looked right at me and touched my face, I got up and left the room shortly and cried so hard. And said who is that mom, what really happened. Day by day she was losing her motor functions, she couldn’t even drink water. Two weeks later she fell into a coma and she was on hospice. One day I sat next to her alone, I cried and pleaded with her to stop holding on, that she owed this life nothing, I absolutely spilled the beans and I can see her slowly reacting. Two days later I lost my grandmother. I was 22, I’m now 38 and still can’t hold back tears thinking about her.

[@lynImishmoo]

I took care of my dad for 11 years while he developed and suffered from Alzheimers. It was horrible slowly watching him become someone who could barely function. He passed in 2019. On Fathers Day of all things. But this video of yours saddens me, and has accurate descriptions. Very good video. Theres so much more i could say. But i think that is good enough.

[@MrRoasterToaster]

I'm so sorry.. 🫂

[@emiliamcgrath1799]

i consume horror movies like candy, and can confidently say that this video is one of the most unsettling pieces of media i have ever EVER taken in. well done.

[@analfinnakrobat4409]

Bro idk Why this is so scary. But in a weird way

[@faustopadillamorales1342]

Me too

[@phirephenix1347]

It’s the uncanny atmosphere, with the terrifying music, accurate visuals, and deep dialogue, all blending together to make something truly unsettling and restless. Tip of the hat man.

[@calamorta]

Yeah, it's also more uncomfortable than any gore video out there

[@ernestocarnesto5687]

Just the reality as cold as it always is

[@zoidsfan12]

The comparison of ADHD to Alzheimer's is a very good one. Because in ADHD it manifests as knowing you have to do something but getting entirely distracted and not remembering. Like even in games I will go somewhere that I needed to go and have completely forgot why I even came there in the first place and have to stop and retrace my steps. But Alzheimer's is a different beast, the caretaker is a project I've known about but steered clear of because just bits I've experienced instill a depression in me. The clock drawing test though, that actually broke my heart. Like the self portrait is just as bad in the same way but the clock drawing one is such a simple thing and you can already see the effects so plainly. Alzheimer's is one of those things I've just kinda tried to avoid thinking about, I've always said if I start forgetting close family members I would rather be killed than go through and put my family through that heartache. When my great grandma stopped recognizing me I couldn't bear to see her deteriorate. The next time I saw her was at her funeral, and she didn't even look like the woman I'd grown up with. I regret not being there more for her, not being able to deal with the pain to be able to make a few more memories with her there at the end.

[@BorderFreak]

As someone that has adhd and has a family member in the mental ward of an assisted living place (still haven't asked exactly what is happening as everyone just refers to it as she isnt herself anymore) the more I dwell on it and can't decide if I can't will myself to see them because they are less themselves or more what I see myself becoming (I wish to apologize if this comment brings sadness just don't really have anywhere to express this without the simple I'm sorry because there isn't much you can say to anyone in these kinds of situations)

[@ZentaBon]

I felt this way sometimes...it's hard. And scary. Not surprising others noticed the comparison...the adhd medication helps a lot. hope not to die of dementia, mI'll be so terrified, so alone, I'll be screaming bloody murder as I have before waiting for those I love to come help me but nobody will that time. Those who love me now won't be around. Who's to say I will even remember who I'm looking for yet still seeking them

[@lokereb1999]

Yeah man this is my biggest fear. Everytime I avoid it, it always comes back to taunt me. Ever since I learned about this subject it has been nothing but he'll for me. Because I have a constant fear of it, I can't seem to ever calm myself down, whenever I think about it my memory gets all fucked and shit and so does my ability to think straight. These experiences always go away but they come back when I see something about Alzheimer's and Dementia. This is why I want to die young. It's best to do all the things you want and die peacefully on your own terms afterwards then die a shell of your former self and with your loved ones not recognizing you anymore. It's just a very sad and tragic topic. May all those who were taken away by it Rest In Peace

[@hetecks1385]

As a man that has ADHD I dislike the fact that they are so similar with memory that I fear for my far future I maybe young but fuck my brain like for a few days or continuously in the days, I would suddenly fear dying of it It'd start from me staring at my wall than the fear would hit me like a wave and riptide, than I'd like... freak out, labored breathing, hiding, uncontrollably crying. Than I would try finding a good life time and beautiful paintings in my head and than after a few moments, I would've calmed down and look around my room taking it in. Everywhere at the end of time made me addicted, but now... when I hear something from stage 4 or 5... I just cry... The fear felt so real, it felt like everything around me, my friends, my family, the houses, country, continent, earth, solar system, all were gonna be destroyed and returned to the void... Which so far made me turn to religion, not to be desperate and to be cool but because of relief

[@SpinoRexy733]

I personally think it's cruel to keep these people alive, we humanly euthanize our pets when they are suffering from irreversible, untreatable and uncurable illnesses, yet we do not extent that same compassion to humans and just leave them to be consumed by these terminal illnesses. Which is why if I'm ever diagnosed with this illness I'll ask to be euthanized and if the doctors refuse then I'll go out of my way to do it myself, throw myself into speeding traffic if I have to. I refuse to suffer this fate.

[@larrywhittaker9901]

The most HORRIBLE aspect so Far of my wife's dementia is: on bad day's, when i look into her eyes there's just EMPTINESS as if she isnt there. Instead of her USUAL LOVING SWEETNESS that resides in her eyes. Very Sad to see her just slipping away from herself and me. Its like her soul is gradually slipping away while she is still here. 😢 VERY SAD to see such a wonderful person losing herself right b4 my eyes. ❤ And nothing i can do to help her other than try to keep her happy and comfortable as possible 😌

[@jimmcd5660]

I hope your taking care of yourself Larry. You are a good man. I know how difficult this is, keep going, keep doing the best you can.

[@veabyu]

my grandmother has been displaying recent symptoms of alzheimer’s or dementia. watching it happen and not being able to cure, or delay the process is absolute torture, it slowly takes someone you love so much away from you and all you can do is sit and watch.

[@sadsatan..]

Dementia runs in my family and unfortunately my grandma had it. The day my mother heard that she passed away was on Christmas eve and she told me that she felt relief that she passed away because the illness was making everyone in the family miserable including my grandmother. Whenever my mom would visit her she wouldn't recognise her and she would talk about my mom to her and she still couldn't figure out that the daughter was talking about was standing right in front of her. She couldn't even remember her name. My uncle is also showing early signs of dementia :/

[@bendeguzkocsis2692]

Good luck, man, and im really sorry. Hope RNGesus spares ya

[@miguelsmeets384]

The same happened to my grandpa. First day of Christmas. My dad was relieved. But it made him sad.

[@a.d.m.3988]

ur kind fucked

[@DazeyJellyfish]

My grandma has it too. I am so sorry to hear about yours.

[@liviwaslost]

My mother used to take my sister and I to see her elderly patients at their homes and old folks homes. They were so sweet and kind. I’m so sorry about your grandmother and uncle.

[@Cauffee]

Charles M.'s story is kind of the scariest one in my opinion. He was allowed to live in his state of denial that it was just 'age' that he was succumbing to, not Dementia. When he read his own chart it was like reading his own obituary in a way, now that he knew without any doubt that he was going to die by forgetfulness.

[@catherinebirch2399]

Imagine taking a DNA test and finding that you have the Alzheimer's gene.

[@brokenfoxproductions]

@@catherinebirch2399 some of us don't have to. imagine taking care of your parent or grandparent through the first two stages of dementia and when they get to the third and finally get a diagnosis, you realize that it runs in the family and that someday you're going to go through the exact type of pain that you're trying to help them through even though you know it doesn't get better. It's really hard to live through that as a caregiver to someone that you really love and have to wonder every day if you're going to end up exactly the same and knowing that you probably will.

[@catherinebirch2399]

@@brokenfoxproductions I would feel really angry at them for passing on defective genes.

[@cynarancia]

@@catherinebirch2399 its not like an intentional thing. if there were early screenings for this kind of thing, that would be nice

[@argusfleibeit1165]

They could have told him twenty times over the years that he had Alzheimer's. It would be news to him every time he read it. Like my mom not remembering my dad dying years before. You end up joining their loss of reality to keep them from hurting all over again.

[@rinasuota4075]

✨New fear unlocked✨ It's such a scary thought to just forget and lose all sense of self. The worst thing for me about Dementia is the losing of your own atonomy. Suddenly you can't even do your daily tasks anymore and the worst of it is,you probably don't even know why you can't. It just sad that all of the things you have experienced in the end don't even matter anymore. I couldn't handle to loose my own autonomy.

[@Vman_95]

"Eventually the Light does dim, and they forget how to breath" That line tho

[@sissysovereign1294]

Hearing about the poor man who used to be a doctor has to be the most heartbreaking thing I've ever heard of😟😰 Imagine thinking you're still a doctor doing the job that you loved so much only to realize that those days are long over and you're a dementia patient. That really is a fate worse than death.

[@HerculesMays]

Yeah, I think it's the fact that your very own sense of identity can become so corrupted before gradually melting away entirely that makes dementia so terrifying. Like, it really sticks with me that this doctor went through many days not even realizing anything was wrong, still thinking that his life was fine and normal when his mind was rotting away the whole time...just horrifying to think about.

[@HomoLegalMedic]

I'm in medical school and I have ADHD. I'm already frustrated at forgetting basic things like where I left my stethoscope, what that patients name was, what's the name of that drug that does that? I can function though, and I know that I can put measures in place to help. I can't imagine having that forgetfulness getting progressively worse; that's a fate worse than hell. If I ever get a diagnosis of dementia, I'm going straight to an euthanasia clinic.

[@Nitro-Blue]

Yeah. My aunt worked with memory care patients for almost her entire life, and she was diagnosed with dementia. The world is so cruel

[@adilacma]

timestamp?

[@rickwrites2612]

I mean if in moment of lucidity you realize you're a dementia patient who used to be a dr,, at least you can feel you accomplished something with your life.

[@the98themperoroftheholybri33]

Our memories are what makes us "us", that's why dementia is so scary, we irreversibly lose ourselves

[@nomoreman]

Everybody loses themselves consider it the ending of a certain thing.

[@casquinha132]

No, it's not.

[@FalloftheHouseofUsher]

Nice job summarizing the whole video in one sentence 👍⭐️

[@spicyeyedrops237]

Even though we lose ourselves, either through death or memory loss, I sincerely believe that just because those memories are gone, it doesn't mean those memories never happened. The past is permanent and they bring forth the present that molds the future. Knowing that those moments did happen and are cemented in history, even if they were bad moments, I feel at peace. Even if everyone forgets about one thing, it still leaves a mark in the universe, however small that might be.

[@ludvikringstad1231]

My grandmother had alzheimers. She got the diagnose back in 2016, she was just 68 at that time. I remember i reacted with denial when i got the news, why did it have to be my grandmother who got that awful, horrible disease. My parents and my uncle moved our grandparents from Tromsø to where we were living to help grandpa, he had complications with his hip and could not walk for long periods. This was back in 2018, i think that it was in mid 2020 when we and grandpa decided to put her in a home. I didnt visit much, sadly. And to this day i regret that very, very much. While Covid was at large we were only allowed to be in her room whilst visiting, and she clearly didnt like being there and i dint want to make her do something she didnt want. She declined rapidly, and all memories i had of my lovely, beautiful grandmother suddenly became lodged in the back of my mind and instead filled with her sick form. Watching grandpa at that time was devestating, he was crushed. They had been together since they were 16 and married since 19. I really, really felt bad for him, my mother and uncle. A few years passed, i gradueted, started working as a bus driver and for work i had to move to northern Norway. In the summer of 2023 i got some news, grandpa had cancer and was to undergo operations. They were successfull, but he never became himself ever again. He didn't have any will to live anymore. He passed away late september 2023, it was absolutly devestating. We had always thought grandma would pass away first, but this crushed my family. I remember breaking down whilst hearing the news, and rushed back home that same week. Whilst i was home i visited my grandma with my family. She had, in some way or another actually understood what had happened to him. That night the nurses told her what had happened, they found her in a corner, curled up and whispering "lost", "missing", "sad". And i remember her stopping on the way back to her room and looking up at the cieling and saying "Can't you just take me with you". When we got to her room she became clear for a minute and gave my mom a hug in the same way she used to do when mum was a child when she neded comfort. Early november 2023 she passed away, and i was not at her deathbed cause of work. That againg is something i deeply regret and might never ever recover from. To everyone wo took their time to reed this, thank you. This is my experience with this awful disease. What i have found out is that this disease runs in the family, my grandmothers mom had it aswell. My deepest fear is that my mum and sisters will get it aswell

[@Terabyte-27]

this video and concept has scared me to the point of crying while alone in my bed in the dark. I don't have dementia and I am young but my thoughts still scatter sometimes and I hope I never get dementia when I am older.

[@marcuscarana9240]

My Mom says that when she's 80 plus, she'd rather die young than live old with dementia or Alzheimer's and I absolutely agree with her. I'd rather die as well because living with that curse is far worse than death. That's how horrifying having this disease is.

[@ralphhammer4014]

Same, I'd rather die than suffer

[@DEBRAH408]

@@ralphhammer4014 Espicially knowing my families pain of seeing me fade away

[@redblade8160]

Marcus Carana. I don't know if you have seen a film called "Logan's Run"? The story is set sometime in the future and in this futuristic world; everyone stays young and healthy because of the advancement in medical science. However, humans now live in a culture whereby the state will destroy all human bodies before it reaches the age of 30 years, thus, no one has to go through the pain and suffering of old age...

[@superxara173]

my grandma said the same thing but got dementia at 80... which kinda scares me tbh

[@leo_carlini]

@@superxara173 sad...

[@CatKat4008]

this video is already depressing enough, but 30:45 literally broke me. imagine thinking you're a medical director and seeing your name on a chart, flipping through it you just see "Alzhimers" written right on it. Right then, you realize your life you thought you had was simply in the past, and you cant remember anything of the present.

[@rubensf7780]

That’s just fucking horrible

[@ripadblock]

A fate I wish on nobody.

[@VictorMarwood]

​@@ripadblock Well, i'm sure you'll love getting it, then. Oh wait... you won't, because you'll forget that you thought it was cool. Tough luck, my guy.

[@ripadblock]

@@VictorMarwood "tough guy". Man you are lacking some self awareness, lil bro😭😭😭

[@VictorMarwood]

@@ripadblock You literally said it's cool to have Alzheimer's. Did you forget?

[@chicken6767]

one of the most haunting videos i've ever watched. extraordinarily well done

[@qbrock2622]

In my family dementia runs in it. My grandma, great uncle, great auntie, my mom, my great grandma, everyone. Now I just accept that I will have it one day and forget about everything like they did. After seeing my grandparents forget they ever had kids killed me at first, I blamed them for forgetting me. (My 7 year old brain somehow came up to.) But, right now, I just don’t care. I don’t care they forgot me, I don’t care they forgot everything about themselves and especially me. I don’t care I will get it now, plus when I do get it I will forget I ever got it. So it’s just a loop in my family tree. I will never wish anyone this curse.

[@SunEater0]

I’ve been having a lot of issues lately, and my doctor told me there’s a slim chance I’m in the very early stages of Alzheimer’s. I’m only 21 years old, and just the idea that it’s possible (no matter how unlikely) is scarier than I can ever say. This video was terrifying to watch, but… thank you for going into such detail on the topic.

[@Clefablestarz]

Sending my best wishes for you, you'll get though this, I'm sure.

[@SunEater0]

@@Clefablestarz thank you

[@theonlybilge]

Might need to start injecting weed needles and using a password manager.

[@SunEater0]

@American Monday I did but this has been a problem since before that

[@dabielle]

Please get your thyroid checked out! Both hypothyroidism and hyperthyroidism can create symptoms like memory loss, brain fog, trouble concentrating, etc.

[@DaScruffy0ne]

My grandmother had Alzheimer’s. I remember at one point she kept asking me for a phone book so she could call her sister. Her sister had been dead for over a decade.

[@bobobsen]

Very common

[@catattack4600]

@@bobobsen ???

[@Spineblorg]

@@catattack4600 he's right. IT'S very common for the dementia patients to forget that their loved one doesn't live or even exist

[@catattack4600]

@@Spineblorg i just don’t understand what the point of saying very common was

[@Hexishu]

@@catattack4600 Dumb

[@mangomations4160]

this is genuinely the best video essay i've ever seen, i watched it with headphones and the background noise and static switching between ears and repeating really gives the effect that you're forgetting something, also alathea (or however it's spelled) is now my favourite word

[@booziiokto]

this is a powerful video, my man. ive watched it multiple times and it always blows my mind. im a young person with significant memory loss, brain damage and trauma related. and alzheimers and dementia are one of my biggest fears. you go so in depth here and seriously connect with me. ive cried watching this and your explanation of the concept of red is very emotional for me. thank you for this video.

[@jennypenny8635]

My grandmother died from Alzheimer's last month. Oddly enough, when it came to personality changes, she became a lot nicer of a person. Before, she was quite bitter. She had quite an unfortunate personal life, and had to struggle with raising two kids herself (my mother and aunt) after her husband (my grandfather) suddenly passed from a brain aneurysm. She had depression for most of her life, which didn't help either. By her final Christmas, she began thanking people a whole lot more. She smiled more. The saddest part about this, for me, is that I can tell that I was the only one of her grandchildren she recognized. She couldn't remember my name, but her face lit up when we made eye contact. When she parted ways with my siblings that Christmas, she said "Nice to meet you" to both, but not to me (As an aside, she wouldn't have said that if Alzheimer's hadn't impacted her personality). She only recognized my mother as "the woman who drives me to appointments". It was rough. Sorry if this is TMI, and I'm sure nobody will read it, but I felt like sharing, and who's going to stop me? Edit: I've made a slight mistake; she didn't die from Alzheimer's, she died from an infection due to aplastic anemia after a fall. She was, however, in the late stages of Alzheimer's and would've died from it in the span of about a year, had she not have aplastic anemia due to an allergy to one of her medications.

[@DaNerdWiiGamer6512]

I read it

[@juliobulio4288]

I read it.

[@captaincheese4511]

i read it

[@TxddyEMG]

@@captaincheese4511 same

[@coughdropper]

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. It sounds like you had a special bond with her, and that really means something.

[@jocaleb0236]

My aunt has a form of dementia and it’s terrifying. She was a semi famous writer, and she taught English at a college level. She began to always carry dozens of photos of people she loved. Like her sister, her mom and dad, her niece, her nephews and their children. I’m certain she knew something was up, cause she is the kind of person to fight it as best she can. She still is remembering most things luckily. It’s still terrifying for me and my family though…

[@josmamatotaldrama]

I wish you and your family the best

[@loutenant2817]

What was the first sign that something was wrong?

[@fathergascoigne1457]

​@@loutenant2817 you'll never know

[@legorockstar2000]

@@loutenant2817 not sure about their specific illness but I did read that a lot of dementia patients think its normal forgetfulness at first. But the early stages also include changes in mood and social skills

[@billie5057]

Well, drop a book she wrote! So we can read it and keep her work alive!

[@DizzyDoduo]

Over a year later and I still find myself coming back to this video essay. It's compelling enough that I dont mind I've watched it multiple times.

[@dickdickinson2929]

This is honestly one of the most moving videos I’ve ever watched. The idea of slowly losing grasp of reality around you is one of the most fearful things I could think of. With dementia running in both sides of my family, it’s only a matter of time before it affects my loved ones, and then potentially me. The glimpse into death before I am lost.

[@mr_chicke]

My grandpa had dementia. Eventually it got so bad that he could not move or talk. He knew that he was surrounded with his loved ones though. Seeing him in that state terrified me. I never felt the same way about death again. When I was younger he would always be laughing, and I just thought that he thought everything was just so funny.

[@AwesomeConnor4552]

I'm sorry, to hear that.

[@RealColoradoProductions]

​@@marishiten5944or I'm just intentionally forgetting how there is any good left inside of you. Seems crazy huh?

[@mr_chicke]

@@marishiten5944thats not how dementia works. also no, i was not awful, i loved him and he loved me back. like dude how could you say something like that?

[@TrippyShasta]

Lol asshole deleted his comment

[@Liliannnaaaaaaa]

My grandma and two aunties have it right now.. but they’re all with family. We don’t even have nursing homes here so at least they’ll be with family till the very end..

[@Sveta-zx7fo]

The part about replacing someone’s reality with one that makes sense to us being cruel is what my mom firmly believed when my grandpa was declining from dementia. He would talk about loved ones that passed away as if they were still around and thought he was 50 years old when he was actually in his 80s. My mom would go along with it and tell me that if our deceased members of our family are still alive in his mind, then let him be happy. He was simply misplaced in time

[@satellitestargazer2770]

True. Why bring them out of that reality to a cruel one? Just play along and let them be happy.

[@Quesoquantum]

Truly. But I also saw it as them being replaced into a fully manufactured reality that is unrecognizable to them- Noone they know, not themselves, not the world- and it felt so cruel.

[@lili-uw4lz]

this video was so good, i usually put videos like this on in the background while i play a game but i stopped playing half way through and just watched

[@Aaron-ly7oy]

The writing, the soundtracks, the references. Impeccable video. What an amazing job this is and what an incredibly fun and thought provoking video. I have become incredibly nitpicky of the writings in videos since the bigger part of them revolves around stitching sentences together with fancy words and questions marks at the end of them, attempting to sound dramatic and interesting. This video however is wholly honest and genuine in its attempt and i can see that it was an honest creative experience for that sake. Great job and thank you so much for it.

[@Mothrune]

It’s terrifying to believe that you could forget everything that you loved, everything you cherished, and everything that’s important to you. And like you said, you can’t escape it. Dementia is truly terrifying.

[@blooberry8115]

@@ConnorisseurYT Bullshit. Improvement exists, dude can become a writer if he wants to.

[@adopted996]

@@ConnorisseurYT I'm afraid I don't understand what you're trying to say

[@catdownthestreet]

this conversation went out like a candle 💀

[@Davidwantstodeportaliens]

@@blooberry8115 no, he’s right. Love, cherish l, and of great importance is the same thing lol

[@blooberry8115]

@@Davidwantstodeportaliens hes 100% right about it being redudant. What i have a problem with is "You shouldn't do [Thing] because you are bad at it".

[@mmtrzz]

Alzheimer runs in my family. My grandma had it, my father had it and I'm quite convinced that I can also have it. My father fought against it as much as he could but was dragged just like his mother. No mental exercises, controlled food or physical activities have spared him. I saw him losing who he was, forgetting how to speak, how to walk, how to chew. I fear nothing because I saw the worst lost someone can have: being lost inside yourself. This has gave me a sense of living the day and just wanting it to be ok. I was really young when I realised how death was a lovely hug and not the enemy of ours. Our enemy is our sense of forever. We have to live the day and embrace it because we won't live forever nor will remember it. I keep a journal just with my life highlights, where which entry has 2-3 years between span, gathering all I succeed to do so I can remember when I have alzheimer how hard I tried to be happy.

[@elpibelol5005]

My family is the same, after they turn 60 half die of cancer and the other half of dementia, im sure that going to get sick but i rather unalive myself before dying suffering also i dont want that bitch to win over me

[@seraphb-fly6888]

Hey buddy, I’m so sorry to hear about that. I work in Alzheimer’s research. Drop a social if you want to talk to someone about this sometime, and I can even give you some advice to help yourself. This isn’t easy, I know. But you’re here right now and there’s no other place to be.

[@hiendarinenkoray]

I'm very sorry, but still, hope for the better please. being prepared for the worst isn't a bad thing, though. cancer runs in my family so I feel you there.

[@Outlaw_edit]

My “Mamaw” (grandmother) is 70, and she would always forget things or not remember. We would always just take this as a joke and think he was just a forgetful person. We would always call it pulling a Mamaw. But now this has been taken as an early form of Dementia. I am now genuinely scared and during this video I cried (I never usually do) just because I know this will happen to her Just make sure you spend time with your grand parents💔

[@Fake_Slimshady]

Sending Prayers

[@patricia-smiles]

Excellent video. I have no idea how you put it into words... I saw my mother in the despair of Alzheimer's... what a nightmare that was. The loss of the person was very well explained in your video: the unexplainable was finally explained. What it felt like, what those around her saw and felt... Awesome job. Thank you. Alzheimer's is truly a BRUTAL disease. I pray often that God does NOT let me fall into the throws of this disease. I can only hope and pray.

[@chkienwang796]

as somebody that works with dementia patients, it’s truly heartbreaking seeing somebody decline . it hurts even more when they’re aware of their dementia ):

[@Sealsteak]

Do they ever forget about their dementia?

[@eddysegafan6655]

@ckienwang796 what is it like when they realize they have dementia? And is it a cycle of forgetting they have it, then remembering, only to forget again? Or was it once and only once they knew they had it.

[@alove522]

I was raised by my Grandparents and my Nana now has dementia. For split moments they realise something is wrong. I call it an echo. Nana can ask a question then five minutes later ask again and when you give the answer she looks shocked and says “I already knew and asked that” then she states that she has no idea why she asked again then laughs. Nana has no idea she has dementia and bizarrely she is happier than she has ever been. The things is when you have a loved one with dementia you are told that “at least they are alive”. Yes they are thankfully alive but to them you are not because you are wiped from their memories completely and sometimes there is an echo but as fast as it came it’s gone. Because they have no memory of you the relationship changes so you are actually no longer dealing with your loved one. The pain is unbelievably and I am someone who has studied counselling and worked years with dementia patients and you can try and imagine what it is like but I promise you cannot. I thought I would be fine as I am a factual thinker but my heart and gut has been ripped out and the pain is so unreal however you need to get over it to be able to love this new version on the person and look after them. This disease is truly a horror and yes they are alive but you also know what the future may look like if the survive for many further years.xxxx

[@graceclover8697]

@@eddysegafan6655 my coworker’s brother has dementia and yeah that’s what it was like. they would have to keep reminding him until it eventually became useless. they either deny they have dementia and think you’re crazy or they don’t understand the concept anymore. before the diagnosis tho, he only thought his memory was just getting super bad. that’s why it’s so interesting, their memory and brain functions are so different yet it creates a fake illusion for them to where most of the time they think they’re living a normal life and just live in an apartment building(care home). one of my residents pours water on her food plate but thinks it’s normal, one of my residents thinks a baby doll is real. they don’t realize they do these things that aren’t normal. there are some that think they are still young and always demand to leave so they can go home to their families. while some don’t realize they have dementia and think they are normal, they understand they are in a care home and are surrounded by staff and residents. where as other residents don’t really understand where they are and always think they are in their hometown but don’t understand why they are always in to them what is a random building rather than being at home. that’s why some of them feel likes it’s prison and they’re locked up. sorry for the long reply!

[@FlowTrick12]

​@@barney0460most of them are fully aware most of the time actually. That is sometimes the hardest part.

[@Luka2000_]

Horror movies will never be able to replicate the terror and fear that i experienced when i listened to Everywhere at the end of time. Nothing is as scary as knowing that you can die like this at an older age and Leyland Kirby perfectly showed it in music form.

[@Kyumifun]

The dread, this album i would describe as "if depression manifested as a sound/piece of music" It's a sad masterpiece.

[@Luka2000_]

@@Kyumifun good way of explaining it

[@yaboytroy357]

@The Caped Critique the moniker “the caretaker” along with the ballroom music was directly inspired by the shining. Good catch.

[@SkuIIKn1ght]

Black mirror's "Tester" episode did a pretty good job of showing the horror of alzheimers and forgetting yourself

[@danielthemaniel7934]

@The Caped Critique Yeah Leyland James Kirby was originally making a Shining fan album before switching to work on everywhere at the end of time. Wonderfully horrifying, yet still not nearly as terrifying as real dementia must be.

[@nitrosnowman7410]

I do not expect anyone to read this. But this video is truly awesome-inspiring and thought provoking, this is food for the mind. Thank you for creating such a video.

[@LauraHorrorshow]

This was such a beautifully researched and written essay. Brought me to tears. Absolutely haunting, disturbing, and beautiful. Well done. You’ve just earned a new subscriber.

[@Ultrasound700]

My mom wasn't sad when we lost my grandpa. He was 92 when he went, and she said he's really been gone for years. He was essentially a toddler the last time I saw him, just weeks before his end. She's 72 now, and she's more forgetful than she used to be. I'm sure she'll end up like him, and it terrifies me more than anything.

[@mimaaellian2678]

You'll know if she has it when she starts saying there's "somebody" with you or her in the room/car/trees.

[@SeanBidwell]

I went through this exactly. I was hired as the caregiver for my Grandfather when he was going through it. After a while, the best thing you can do is just disconnect what's left of the person in front of you from who they actually were. It was easier for both of us as we didn't have to go through the whole "You don't remember me?" emotional train wreck. I was just the caregiver that never went home (he lived with us during that time).

[@f5tornado831]

I felt the same as your mom when my nanny died. My mom told me that she died and I didn't really react. She was mad at me when I came back from school, and I didn't say this out loud, but she was already long gone. She couldn't talk, couldn't eat, couldn't do anything other than lie in bed, and occasionally mumble something you might understand... or think you understand. I didn't see her like that because she was in a different country, but my mom did.

[@MadPenguinRizz]

This is the single scariest thing I could ever experience, Weather to me or to a loved one. I have ADHD and in the glimpses where I forget things, I get so scared, its hard to explain.

[@xtremeyoylecake]

Same… after watching this video, I had a strong fear of having dementia for a long time

[@W4RD0GZ]

You don’t have to explain it brother, some of us understand. I hate it. ADHD.

[@W4RD0GZ]

@@xtremeyoylecakeThis video made me realize that I need to remember now, because I could forget later. Specifically the one bad relationship that fucked me up. I wanted to forget it so badly. I wish it never happened. But I can’t forget it, and I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t want to, or try to. The fact I can still remember is a testament to my mental fortitude, something I hold near and dear to me. If one day I do end up with dementia, please someone take me outback and shoot me like Ol’ Yeller, it’s not a life Id want any part in living.

[@HolySych]

ADHD isn’t real so you probably have a bigger issue.

[@epikk1]

dude; i have anxiety problems and adhd and life has sucked here recently but this video genuinely made me realize how important it is to get closer to god

[@JohnFKennedy420]

This is the best video I have watched in a very long time. Thank you.

[@thaisplouvier5403]

Memory Meaning Chiasm (to touch is to be touched) Memory is depth 11:57 "Naming and Necessity" Kripke Anti-descriptivism : names identify objects, not description Memory needs names to identify 14:30 Alzheimer is the loss of symbolic richness 15:00 Alzheimer's stages in music : everywhere at the end of time 19:36 the clock test showing the progression of alzheimer

[@painterwithink5601]

My mother watched her own grandfather die from dementia. What hit me hard is when she told me about one of his last moments of consciousness. He was stomping on the floor trying to get rid of bugs that weren’t there. When all of a sudden, he stopped, look at my mom and said, “I’m not crazy, I’m just old.” Its so heart wrenching to think of him trying to keep it together, keep his dignity.

[@sentientcloaked]

That's Terrifying

[@glassofwater281]

"I'm not crazy, I'm just old." That sentence right there sent a shiver down my spine. Being aware that your mind is playing tricks on you but not being able to stop it must be scary.

[@mexicanbanjo9325]

@@glassofwater281 it’s like watching a loved one fight an entity that is holding them in a cage while they struggle pointlessly. It’s terrifying and will always convince me my father was correct in what he said, “you may take my body but please don’t take my mind”

[@a-ghost-named-Anna]

That’s horrifying.

[@nightblade4338]

There's a film called Its Such a Beautiful Day, which in my opinion, is the greatest visual representation for alzheimers. It's about a man named Bill as he struggles with his mental illness, but as he has a dream about his final moments, the film says: "at the climax of all those years of worry, sleepless nights, and denials, Bill finally finds himself staring his death in the face, surrounded by people he no longer recognizes and feels no closer attachment to than the thousands of relatives who'd come before. And as the Sun continues to set, he finally comes to realize the dumb irony in how he had been waiting for this moment his entire life, this stupid awkward moment of death that had invaded and distracted so many days with stress and wasted time"

[@arsenal4444]

thank you for sharing, saved it for when I'm ready to watch that

[@uwu645]

I love that movie so much. I remember when it used to be on Netflix

[@shitpost_status_zero6093]

I was wondering if someone in the comments was going to mention Don Hertzfeldt's work. So much of his work centers around the idea of memories, identity and death...and all of it is heartwrenching.

[@jasonbernard9012]

There were so many gorgeous, soul-shattering moments in this video, and I truly thank you for that. I’ve been learning about neuroscience and overall cognitive health for years now and somehow I knew nothing of the parallels between Alzheimer’s and Down’s syndrome. You got an instant sub from me

[@Deadman1000]

My grandma is dealing with this and is on hospice and it's truly heartbreaking to see the same person who would tell me amazing stories about her childhood, forget not only me but everything she was and the wonderful life she lived. I don't wish this on anyone so make sure to cherish the time you have with the ones you care for as even the narrator said, we are running out of it.

[@Probable.Orange]

Good god I cannot imagine the amount of anguish one must feel when it's just another day at the job in the hospital. You pick up a patient's chart and read your own name, and below it a diagnosis of Alzheimer's. The overwhelming dread and despair must hit you like a freight train as you quickly realize what is going on, only for this horrific disease to drag you back out of lucidity, kicking and screaming.

[@redblade8160]

Doomsday Orange. Medical staff become desensitized (the nature of the job) when they see patients very ill and dying all day long and every day!

[@IBM-5100]

@@redblade8160 I think you 'forgot' the fact that he was referring to the doctor case (where he, himself, had dementia and had forgot it - acting as a doctor 'normally' until he found his own name and diagnosis - which leads to their comment)

[@AK474000]

Cherish the moments you have your youth and health because it wont be this way forever. Remember to forgive and don't let the little things overtake what is truly important.

[@benji9107]

Almost all of us are wage slaves with no choice but to chase that dollar just to survive hard to cherish youth when you want to die

[@pizzapatrica7044]

Thanks, I am kind of sad right now but I need to think of all the good things and try to enjoy what I have right now

[@beeohbee]

I suffer from DPDR. I'm always trying to get a better grasp on what matters to me; who I am, what I want, and how I really feel. I want to enjoy my youth but time is passing me by. My dream is that when I die I will feel like I did what I truly wanted to do, as my true self, but if I died tomorrow I won't have fulfilled that dream. Maybe it's as they say; you can always start fresh and try again, even later in life, but now as I approach my 30s I wonder if I'll ever find what's important to me before old age. Your comment is scary to me, but also inspiring. In the end, even when our bodies fail, what matters is that we did what we wanted. Thanks.

[@bugjams]

Also don't dwell on the past. When you get older, don't mourn and wish for your younger years back. It's wasted energy, and that kind of depression can make you age even faster. I'm not gonna just say "be glad it happened" or whatever because that doesn't work for everyone though. Everyone has their own different way of coping with it. My advice is to find yours.

[@user-hk6yu5yf2w]

As a current young person I have to add, don't take this advice too hard. I say it because I think about it every day, trying to enjoy my youth. That takes a little bit of the joy of it. Children and (some) teens enjoy so much because they don't have that concept of aging as a real thing yet. They know it will happen, and they don't process it much, most of the time- they can make mistakes - but they also... aren't trying to cherish moments or make themselves a legacy or whatever thing you are trying to do. They are simply here for a good time and they will let no one and nothing stop them (well that's at least what they aspire for) and that is... very fun, and alive, with your brain reacting sensually strongly to things. I am unfortunately not like that. I wish I was a little more like that. Think about cherishing it. Don't panic over small things But... don't overthink it. Live your life, set some limits to yourself, try to have fun... And you'll be as fine as you can get. Just don't have too many sleepless nights( sleep is when the brain cleans the emeloyd beta proteins)

[@GrayMatterDOTart]

This video and your videos alike are one of the things I would definitely tell an artist to watch. They inspire in such a wholehearted emotional way. They can make you question everything and put that search into art for it is the only way to get it across. I have this need and interest in

[@GrayMatterDOTart]

how things work and are perceived ,especially the mind and it’s ideas and feelings. The video that introduced me to you was “the horror of having a body” it scratched my itch for gore, thought, and feeling like no other.

[@dr.chickenfingers5696]

The most beautiful KZbin video I have ever watched. Thank you

[@JmiahSahn]

Grandma just passed from dementia last night. With 100% certainty, everything that was described is exactly how she acted. The slow to rapid decline. The anger mood swings. Forgetting im her grandson. Sentences that lead to nowhere. Motionless just with her eyes open. Then nothing Enjoy every bit of your life everyone.

[@shroast6990]

im sorry.

[@hornakakatt]

I’m sorry for your loss, it must have been horrible to watch as she slowly forgot everything including you.

[@kaedev.6888]

hope you've been doing well since

[@t_doll]

I want it to end.

[@Edgar_Hoods]

For me, personally, Dementia and Alzheimer's disease are some of the most painful diseases to witness. My Grandfather currently has it and his condition is painful to see from what he was only 2-3 years ago. Also, I think it was my great great grandfather who one day was being asked if he remembers people (Due to dementia he couldn't.) and he asked if he'll remember the guy over there. He pointed to a mirror that was facing himself. It broke my great grand mother's heart when he said that.

[@leo_carlini]

😭😭😭😭😭😭

[@donttalktomeyoureannoying8736]

Not to trump what you are saying but I honestly feel like seeing someone die from stage 4 cancer is worse. My grandmother died from dementia at an old age, but my mother recently died from breast cancer at a young age and it is extremely horrifying to witness their youth being taken away from them, their own bodies attacking them from the inside. At least dementia patients get a chance to age and get old. Cancer can make a child as fragile & sickly as a 100 year old.

[@theplagueman1804]

@@donttalktomeyoureannoying8736 cancer is the slow death of the body and its functions. My sister died from a pretty bad brain tumor 2 years ago so I would know. The body stops listening to you as you slowly lose the ability to move. Then you lose the strength to talk or even think complicated throughts. Alzheimers on the other hand is the death of the mind, your mind dies as your body lives on. An empty shell with fragments of a person that are slowly also dying out. Much like the true death of the body, end stage of cancer, only difference is that your shell is still "alive" in some sense. Both are horrible deaths, and I myself would off myself If I got diagnosed with either. But I believe that alzhemiers is worse. Given the fact that some early stage alzheimers patients can get it at even the age of 20. Cancer can also come early, as with my 15 year old sister, bit it only takes 2 or so years for death to take you. Alzheimers on the other hand would have "you" or the empty shell of confusion that is left of you live on for another 20-30 years or until you forget how to breath. Which honstly is 100 times scaries that the pain I saw my sister go through those years. Plus nothing can be done for alzheimers while cancer can be managed if handled right, well atleast there is a small chance of hope. One of the many reasons my sister died was the doctors not wanting to do jack shit just pumped her with relaxants that took away the pain until she died. No attempt at an operation or even chemo.. Anyway enough of me and my rant, sorry.

[@falcongamingproductions9938]

I just wanna say Everywhere at the End of Time goes absolutely hard. I sat through the entire thing like a year ago and it completely changed my perspective on dementia (as in it made it horrifying to me)

[@user-bh5eq3ye7w]

That is what william utermohlen's last self portraits did to me

[@DieterHambloch]

This is a wonderfully poetic and kind tribute to the human condition beyond the medical labels we apply to our fleeting lives. Thank you for sharing this. It was tough watching and terrifying at times. But rich in it's endeavour to draw back the veil and clear that forest for others to shine light into.

[@kamalionify]

I used to be a patient care attendant. Witnessing someone actively losing their memory whilst 30 seconds before they were aware of their surroundings was like a living nightmare. They instantly forgot their age, their name, their past job, if it was day or night, where they were and why they were dressed like that. The patient was vividly aware that they were losing their mind, and to see them realize their dementia all over again whilst having absolutely no control over it is an experience that cannot even be described. It is eerie.

[@giulyanoviniciussanssilva2947]

This is the true cosmic horror of Lovecraft's stories, it doesn't have words or anything to describe it, it has what you can understand but it's too tiny.

[@x_dana_x]

a resident i took care of (in the early stages of the disease) just sat in bed frustrated because she was constantly forgetting what time it was. she never yelled which i was grateful for. she’d get mealtimes mixed up, look at her clock and ask me if it was right or just straight up tell me it was wrong and needed to be fixed. as frustrating as it is as a caregiver (though i never let it show) it was heartbreaking. how would i even start to comfort her? :( the nurse always told me she just wanted to be alone, but i at least wanted to give her some reassurance to calm her down for the moment, but 19 year old me never knew how. she suggested i tell her to watch the tv her family set up, but there was the off chance she wouldn’t remember how to change the channel….working at that memory care facility left me so stressed. the behaviors, imagining their mental limbo, wondering if it would be me one day…it’s not until now i realize that my mind blocked out a lot of those experiences. my mom is well-versed in healthcare. she asked me why i wanted to quit so badly after six months in. i told her it was too much. just upsetting. she said “what’s upsetting? they’re just blissfully unaware.” she couldn’t be so far from the truth. i just wanted to shake her and say “yeah, you did a couple weeks of clinicals there, but you. don’t. get it. i clench my jaw so hard while i work because i’m so tense. i can feel teeth indentions on my cheeks when i get home.” the stress and worry built over the months and turned into a week of panic attacks. i’d stay up worrying that my brain would shut off and end me out of nowhere.…it was time to quit. cna’s are replaceable and there was a new class of trainees that would take my spot. it takes a certain kind of person to be a caregiver for a dementia patient :(

[@LanceLuvsKota]

this made me feel a type of terror i have never felt, it had me shaking, confused and just all types of emotions i could never explain.

[@LanceLuvsKota]

i want to cry. out of straight fear

[@mahks-pectith3179]

I agree this is one of the scariest videos I've ever watched, and it's unfortunately not a fictional horror story, but reality

[@pookiewookie1837]

Me too

[@LfunkeyA]

well, the guy did his best to make it sensationalist and depressing with the music, visuals, and comparisons to nightmarish media. it is a mindset ultimately.

[@unfunnyserbian]

There are fates worst then death thats what scares me the most about this

[@VoMFilms]

Wtf... when you said that it was like the last explosion off in the distant heavens, I began to cry. I lost my grandfather to dementia, and I know my dad was terrified too, and I myself worry often. But like that imagery of it being big and beautiful like an exploding star. It's got me writing through tears