FEAR OF TRANSITIONING [CC]

[@sakuwagtail8743]

Wow I really needed this. Lately I've been so scared that I'm going to regret transitioning later and finding out that I'm not even trans. I'm actually happy that I'm not the only one feeling this...

[@aahpuuh]

gotta love freddie😍

[@emberallen2387]

I feel the same way

[@failureblanket8559]

Calm for my confused and fearful mind. I don't feel alone with these emotions now.

[@Marqkus]

Same

[@mr.goodvibes3968]

Same!

[@irohha]

I'm 20 and i haven't started T yet even though I desperately want to, but i still have those thoughts of "what if i regret it" or "what if i'm not really trans" even though I'm pretty damn sure and it's been something I have been thinking about and researching for years and years. A lot of the fear i face comes from my unaccepting family i think honestly. Other people's doubts make me feel doubtful.

[@Ezra-gx2oq]

Andrew same here

[@Ezra-gx2oq]

i started gender therapy for now :D

[@definitelynotlink5420]

IVE NEVER RELATED TO SOMETHING SO HARD OH MY. I’m hoping that a year on you’re happier and more comfortable with yourself and all that good stuff

[@tibo6749]

Aw sweetie. Not everyone is understanding, yes, but usually families start to catch up to the fact that you're trans after a while. They get used to it, mostly, unless you live in Iran or some Islamic country where you'd probably get killed. Maybe try to see a professional if you can. They could help

[@oceanstaiga5928]

Andrew I’m 20 now, have been doing the same thing researching for years and am pretty sure I’m trans and really am feeling dysphoric up to being suicidal because of it but somehow the fears are still holding me back from coming out which would allow me to go to therapy and maybe start hormones

[@Valentine-kx7fk]

This video is actually something I really needed. Nobody talks about this. Thank you Chase!

[@captainsmoov9462]

Alexander The Great I agree. This is so needed. Ill be 25 in december and ive known my whole life. Ive felt all of these same things from as long as i can remember. And just coming to terms that this feeling is inescapable is so effin hard. I found a slight period of inflated happiness in my early 20s after being put on meds to cope. But it was based on "dealing with who i am i this life" Thank you to Chase for your courage as an example and to share your fears with all of us! I think the transition is scary because its like what if i hate the way i look or how i sound or whatever. But honestly i hate even more that i look like a girl before getting the glory of my dream guy body. Either way Chase youre a handsome ass man i hope to look as fresh someday very soon!

[@IanStiep]

Fuck me. I'm 16 years old Chase. Watching this make me feel less alone and lost and thats on of the greatest thigs about your videos. I feel blessed to be able to feel like a 16 years old you and not feeling like a 19 years old fucked up and lonely me. Just... thanks for everything you do, Chase. Its so important and im glad you know.

[@TheErren]

Ian Stiepcich im 22 and this is my first year on t and im scared shitless. Older or younger your not alone. Theres people on here that are in there 50's watching these videos. Most likely some older plp too. Good for them and u and chase and us. You dont have to have known or start transition by a certain age. U dont have to feel alone. I know sometimes u will feel that way. But theres others out there. Try some ftm or mtf or just trans groups on fb or whatever too. They can be great.

[@liam_er]

how are you doing now?

[@chris80meiko]

Thank you very much for that video!! I'm 37 years old and I'm a baby Trans. I have allready acepted that I'm trans but I 'm so afraid of transitioning

[@Nerdicaful]

Cris Campo I think the later you start your transition, the bigger the fear is. I'm in my late 20s (will be thirty in a few months), and have only been on hormones for three months. I get a lot of fear about transitioning and I think it's because I was raised to be one gender, while also being taught that I can't change that gender. Yet, here I am...changing it....and I feel like I'm gonna get in trouble for it, lol. A big rebel I am just switching my gender up all willy nilly. How dare me!

[@rwyke1]

❤️❤️❤️🙏🏼 needed this. 33 & finally started T

[@jadesavedbygrace2325]

At 34 I'm in the baby steps becomeing FTM . Congrats and wishing u a great journey through life

[@DJBenito304]

Me too

[@groundead4lyfe]

I'm 31. A week away from seeing my doctor for hormones. I'm so fucking terrified. I'm so glad I saw these comments. Thank you for this space. ❤

[@tryingmybardest]

"Because I wasn't "Trans enough" " God I hate that saying so much. That's just invalidating people. As a cisgender female, I feel bad for people in the trans community that get told that they're "not trans enough" because so and so... You are valid, and you are "trans enough". If you later down the road you discover that you actually weren't trans but gender fluid or whatever, then that is okay. You're human and trying to discover who you are as a person... We all go through that and that shouldn't invalidate you as a person...

[@shalysagavin6354]

I had my first appointment yesterday, and I'm doing labs tomorrow, next appointment is in a couple weeks and I'm so thankful that I haven't heard that. They've been super open, and ready to discuss and let me meet MY goals and not what they think they should be. So thankful to not have had to experience that.

[@youtubewatcher830]

thank you

[@coccinella0_]

Thank you SO much for this video. I am 15 and I'm literally SO SCARED that I'll realize later on that I'm just a tomboy or something like that and not really trans, and that I'll regret it one day if I transition. I never thought like "oh I think I'm a boy" as a kid and I don't hate my body and it makes me so insecure about my identity. I know that not every trans person knows from a young age and some are ok with their bodies, but it's still so strange to me. I don't like when people can see my chest because I'm not wearing a binder and I hate that I can't just walk around without a shirt on when it's hot, but these are just so few situations that I'd like to change my body. I don't really know why this makes me so insecure about being trans, maybe it's because so many trans people I know hate their bodies and it makes me feel like I should hate mine too if I'm really trans? I don't know. But I'm so scared and this video helped me so much. Thank you.

[@chloewhite5022]

Noah I feel the same. I feel like loads of trans people talk about these stories where they had a pivotal moment in their childhood but I don't really think I ever had that. There's been the odd thing but I just doubt myself so much. I think you just have to remember that not every trans persons experience is the same. Some know their whole life and some don't. Best of luck

[@coccinella0_]

Chloe White same here. We'll get through this, stay strong.

[@felikso]

Noah Because every single trans person's experience is so entirely different, each trans person redefines what it means to be trans. I was perfectly comfortable identifying as female when I was younger and it's only been the past year or so that that's changed, and I also barely get body dysphoria - I bought a binder around last Christmas but I rarely wear it. I also worry that it'll just be a phase and that I'll regret things, and my advice to you would be to take it slow. Ask a few close friends to change names and pronouns, to test how that is. If you like it, keep it. If not, you can always ask them to change it back, they won't mind. Whenever I'm doubting about whether or not transition is something I actually want, I ask myself if I would go back on my decision to come out in the places I have done, and the answer is always a resounding "of course not". But yeah, there are just as many ways of being trans as there are trans people, you are valid no matter what you feel or what you don't feel. If you don't hate your body, then that's awesome! It's one less thing to feel upset about.

[@coccinella0_]

thewoowooster thank you so much for this comment, it really helped me. I'll definitely think about this when I'm doubting everything again. Also, I think I have some body dysphoria sometimes (for example, there are times when I feel so female and it hurts so much to be reminded that I don't have a male body that I can't even take off my binder.), at least I think that's what body dysphoria is? I watched many videos related to this topic but noone could really explain it, so I don't know if it is body dysphoria, but I think so. But yeah, thank you for this comment, bro. Was really good to hear / read. :-)

[@bernardosouza2638]

Omg, that's exactly how I feel, please hug me

[@Daliachan]

Thank you Chase for this video. I feel so afraid all the time. What if I regret it? What if I'm not actually a boy? What if no one will ever love me again? What if I hate my body even more afterwards? I don't want to be trans, it seems like such an awful road. I don't even have the stereotypical experience of realizing my identity when I was a kid. I'm 25 and I still don't know for sure. I just hate all of this but it makes me feel better that other people have doubts too.

[@ShushOrIWillKissYou]

Daliachan i totally have felt the same in the past, you're not alone. It is a tough road, but if it's meant for you it will make you so much more happy and comfortable in the end. All the best on your journey to discover yourself ☺️

[@xbduf4gb]

You could regret it. I did. I felt that I was a boy, but realised I was not a man. I too felt no-one would love me, straight women and gay men would want their love interests to have male genitals I thought. I didn’t settle into a ‘male role’ in society, my male boss was aggro towards me, men in general were more aggro than before if I inadvertently missed a social cue. It was harder to be friends with women. I didn’t want anyone to know that I hadn’t always been male but it meant a large part of my life was a secret. That was stressful. I didn’t want to be known in my general community as trans. For me There was no point in being a guy if it was only as trans. On testosterone my body was good to start with, then it piled on weight and my fine lines and angular jaw disappeared replaced by a fat round face. After 4 years my belly became a hairy pot belly. And I could hardly bend in the middle. I’d been attractive before and now I wasn’t. I realised living as a female was easier for me so was not being on T so I stopped. Fortunately my face reverted after several more years but belly and weight gain has taken a lot of work. I had thought I would be on the male side of androgynous but the steroid made me too masculine and chunky. You never know how testosterone is going to affect you physically as everyone is different. Anyone who is happy to be trans in society and wants to look fully like a man will probably be fine. I hated the trans label for myself. I even tried out living as a man for 2 years before starting T. I had got locked into transitioning because I was around the trans community and also had to have a bilateral mastectomy for breast cancer just before I started transition which locked me in some more. I have since had my chest re sculpted into a male shape as an androgynous female . Getting a flat chest was the best part of sorting out my gender issues plus no longer having to worry about breast cancer.

[@LucasIssacTobias]

I wish other people could understand the fear, I came out to my parents and they push me to transition which I'm happy about but I have to call clinics and things and I put it off cause I get scared. They don't get it and get angry and assume this isn't want I want

[@myrest3334]

Lucas Tuck show them this video, maybe? they want to support you, they just dont know how.

[@NeuroArrow]

Lucas Tuck i feel like my situation is like that too but different. i am so terrified to go on T now that im so close to it, but if i tell my parents and my therapists they will be like i knew you werent really trans, i knew you shouldve took more time.. and im even more terrified about that...

[@bgttgb100]

gonna be honest ive never heard it that way around, but they probably mean well.. i agree with Myrest, show them this video if you haven't already. information is the key to communication.

[@27quasar]

this is just what I wanted to hear today...I was scared but now I'm ready...I'm gonna get my first prescription tomorrow...I couldn't be more excited

[@lu-metal1232]

Congrats dude!!

[@zeusson6678]

I have been on t almost two years. The acne and voice cracking is the worst part. I got chops before a chinstrap and and still trying for a full beard. About six months in I had to have an appointment with a GYN because I have PCOS and had to have a Hysto. That was the hard time for me. But I got through and this past January I had top surgery it was so freeing. I feel like I can finally breath easy. Having been as large as I was meant that I probably do breath easier than I did.

[@ShushOrIWillKissYou]

27quasar all the best! i hope it will make you feel happy

[@skye-aprilx6008]

❤️❤️❤️

[@KenzieSmithj]

I’m in the exact same boat and yeah same this video made me wayyyyy less scared and now I’m back to being more excited

[@probablyalex]

I'm terrified of T. I know I need it but the closer it gets the more I think I'm lying to mysef. I'm so dysphric I space out and foregt who I am and so I think I'm faking but It's my brain trying to cope. But I'm always like this. Before I bought an expensive camera I was like "I don't want this" but I'm so happy I have it now! I need T so much but I'm so afraid after 3 years of struggling through waiting lists I'm going to be wrong. At the end of the day If it wasn't right for me I would've given up years ago.. Brains are stupid but I also blame the media for only ever talking about Trans kids who realise HRT wasn't for them.

[@jayflight5351]

I had the same experience of doubt when I was trying to come out to my parents. Like I had been feeling this stuff for so long but when I tried to come out my brain was like "no you're faking it"

[@dreh1564]

I'm 40!! YOU ARE SO NOT OLD.

[@tammyrockman2633]

I'm 49 so, ya 100 is old in my world.🤔

[@flayabarile7372]

I'm 50. Nice to see a couple of other older farts.

[@flayabarile7372]

I can totally relate there. Not only am I 50, but I'm also 6'6". I've been on estrogen supplements and androgen blockers for a year and a half. I get told that I'm too old and too tall to transition. Screw that. I may not conform to societal expectations of womanhood. But I do absolutely conform to my expectations of what is me.

[@elidueck9476]

That's amazing you do you girl, rock it

[@6xlord907]

I'm 31 and have my first appointment with a gender therapist the day after tomorrow, it's so great to hear of middle aged people starting T.

[@underdogreptile8916]

I'm 35 and 4 months on T. Thanks for being so visible. I've been afraid of transitioning for years and years. I finally took the first steps and I know it was the right thing to do. I appreciate your willingness to be so open.

[@KalvinGarrah]

I completely understand your point about wishing everyone could just dictate their own transition. Im a 16 year old trans guy; I live in Maryland, where we have informed consent, and I feel that I was extremely lucky to have been able to go on T so easily and quickly. I wish it could be like that for everyone.

[@saphgrace7735]

I love you

[@ilovedaz6653]

where in maryland do you live because i live in maryland too and i’ve been trying to find a way to get on T.

[@rolfioolivia6184]

*HOLY SHIT* Kalvin why are you here dude. you and Chase are my legends

[@myrkflinn4331]

One year for me to even have the first conversations xd

[@rolfioolivia6184]

@Bonidee Lee Geez dude. Just because I think that they're legends doesn't mean you have to too. It's my opinion, not yours.

[@mojomagic1513]

I can’t thank you enough for this. I am a trans male since I was 13, I’m now turning 40 and my whole life I knew I was a man born into the wrong body. I had to teach myself to live with how I was born and thought that the option to physically change was never in my reach. Then I recently discovered my insurance covers gender health and that option became a reality. Then my 8 year old daughter telling me that I should do it so I can be myself, be who I really am. I was so happy, I was so relieved… but… that was short lived and I became terrified. I never felt this kind of fear before. I was afraid of not recognizing who I will become, fear that I’ll not be able to find someone who loves me, afraid I may be making a mistake, afraid that if it is a mistake that I couldn’t reverse it, fear that my body might not be compatible with HRT because I was too old, as well as other fear that I can’t even describe because I don’t know what it is I am afraid of. But listening to others like you tell me it’s normal to feel this way gives me great relief. Yes I’m still scared, and I know it’s perfectly fine to be scared and I’m hoping I won’t let the fear of change take over and stop me from the chance of finally being comfortable in my own body. So again, thank you so much for making this because we need to hear that it’s okay to be afraid, it’s healthier to be afraid than to be 100% confident, it’s a HUGE life change and knowing how huge it is makes it even more scary.

[@Dayna2216]

This video is going to be so helpful for so many people out there. You are amazing chase! I'm a cisgendered female, but I watch your videos, and other trans youtubers, to have a better understanding of the community and some of the lovely people within it :)

[@kirehawley-zechlin2351]

THIS IS LITERALLY ME RIGHT NOW. Chase, you are my inspiration. I'm so scared and so confused and it's a dang nightmare and I wish I could just chill with you and bro around and talk about everything. ❤

[@adambrandenburg998]

Thank you. I am so scared of surgeries and depressed about not being able to afford it or having friends/family that are in my life. I am so proud of you. I am so thankful for you. Thank you Chase.

[@riverhazel2478]

I have been putting off getting on t for a long time because of that feeling of doubt that says, "if you're scared then maybe you're not really trans!" Thanks so much for this video Chase. It's so reassuring to hear that it's ok to be scared and you can still do it if you're nervous. I booked an appointment with a gp to take the first steps towards getting on t after watching this ❤

[@mortisnox9400]

I relate a lot, right now I'm in that confusing time where I'm trying to figure out if I'm trans or gender fluid or agender or nonbinary or something else. At the moment I identify as genderfluid because I have my "feminine days" where I like to be, according to society's ideals, girly, but I still have a lot of days where I feel like I want to be on T and I feel a lot of dysphoria about my body. I'm looking forward to sorting out my feelings so I can be happier in the future.

[@julia_ruby]

Karia Weber oml, I relate to this so much. Some days, I love my body the way it is, and I'm glad I have the kind of body I do; other days, my dysphoria is just awful, and I spend ages thinking about gender-affirming medical procedures... It's a dizzying situation to be in.

[@youtubewatcher830]

this is my situation rn, it eats me alive everyday, i hate not knowing who i am. it's so scary

[@vladekvik2228]

Chase, I cannot even begin to express how reassuring this video is. Thank-you so much for making this.

[@kkrider5]

I remember the moment I realized I was trans, and I feel like most people talk about how happy and enlightened they felt, but I remember feeling a cold fear spread through me. I remember how terrified I was of transitioning and the difficulty I was going to have in life but being 2 and a half years on T, I can honestly say it was one of the best decisions I ever made. I wouldn't change a thing. I never thought I'd be here; laying next to my fiance of two years, alive and well at 18, and ten months away from top surgery. Right before I transitioned, I couldn't see a future for myself. I didn't see a life past my high school career. And now, I'm able to see my life unfold right in front of me. Thank you, Chase. You were one of the first trans youtubers I found here and without you, I would not have transitioned and I would not be here. You're so amazing and I'm so glad you exist. And for everyone here who thinks they're never going to transition, I promise you will. One day you'll look back and that sadness will seem so far away.

[@katelyns694]

really needed this video, i'm in the process of getting on T and there are days where i worry that i'm "faking" or "not trans enough" (they aren't as often as they used to be but it's still a fear for sure) it helps to see that someone who is much further than me in their own transition had these fears as well and that having these fears doesn't mean that i am faking, thank you

[@skylerlynn8121]

It's so good to see I am not the only one with fears. I'm 41, scared of rejection and more. I am plucking up the courage to tell my family.

[@cloudlight3932]

man i really needed this, when you mentioned that it keeps cycling back, it reminded me so much of my experiece. Ive been cis for like so many years, and its not like i really hated it, and sometimes i think that maybe i will like,,,,change my mind and that im truly a woman and that i need to live out that life. But i think about the times i had euphoria while presenting as more masc, or how i like my new name and my new pronouns , and that scares me a bit but I know that that happiness was there. I cried like 3 times to this video. no matter how many times i proclaim "im actually a woman! im cis!!" and change the pronouns on my social media...I always come back, and change them back to he/they. But, for some reason it feels so strange and hard to accept. Thank you for this video. I hope you have a great day.

[@axelrose7574]

dude you have no idea how much this video hit me. i've been turning these points over in my head for like a year and even though i watched this video and every single thing was like 'yes that's me' i'm still sitting here telling myself that that's not me. but damn.. i have to be real with myself. thank you for this video even though i'm like 1.5 years late to this video.

[@pmbluemoon]

*SUBSCRIBED FOR LIFE* 😉😆 I am 40 and FTM, can't afford top surgery but had hysto because of other issues, I feel less advanced but more advanced at the same time. BLESS you for this vid, we are ALL in different stages of transitioning, all my paperwork is done, but I still confused people who knew my old name..... lots of loopholes, side notes, footnotes and exceptions to every rule we think is out there!

[@sadiemorgan4095]

I've known I'm trans for 5 years, the fear is paralyzing, I haven't done a single thing to transition, it's getting to the point where I really hate myself, I have to do something soon

[@noahsilletta1450]

Sebastian Morgan sending you support and encouragements. If you want to talk, find me on Facebook. I've just started T a few months ago. hugs 💜🎈

[@definitelynotlink5420]

Sebastian Morgan Same... My hair is still half way down my back and everyone at college and home still thinks I’m a cis girl and it hurts so much... Admittedly I bind but I said it was for cosplay... I don’t know...

[@rolfioolivia6184]

@@definitelynotlink5420 it's okay, I'm 12 and I'm *SURE* that I'm trans (FtM).I haven't done anything or told anyone yet, but next year in 7th grade when I get to highschool (k-6th grade is elementary btw) I think I'm going to hang out at my one friends house and tell him as I'm close and he's very trustworthy. As my other best friend Ed, he's not so much. But I know what you mean. It's absolutely terrifying to even think about coming out. I'm sure my friends would accept me, but there's always a chance they won't. I actually get called trans as I look like a boy with broad shoulders,I play football and I wear boy clothes while hanging out with dudes. I'm pretty popular in school because of football (I play with another girl), of the people who call me trans mean it as MtF and are joking. I'm even started to get an Adams apple. I really hope this helped you. If you need anything at all, I'll help you personally

[@bgttgb100]

gonna be honest love, I'm not on E yet.. starting soon. BUT, I've come out twice now! so i know about that part. I've also done a lot of scary things that weren't related to me being trans.. I'm here because I'm scared to.. my advice if its worth anything, people always told me to breathe, then one day i did. that day was the first day of my life, and i knew back then that no matter how dark it gets there's always another day in front of you. so when its dark, take a deep breath in your nose down to your belly, breath out through your mouth. it dosnt fix anything, but it helps me get back to earth. remember your a rainbow in the dark.

[@rolfioolivia6184]

@@bgttgb100 good, I hope you luck

[@yee-haw4441]

Regretting my transition and finding out i'm actually not trans is one of my deepest fear!

[@TheSquidMilk]

i'm finding this 2 and half years later and it feels like it's exactly what i need to hear rn. i've finally really accepted my identity as a trans person and have decided i want to go on t, but there's so much fear of change and, yeah, regret. to know someone who went through the same thing i am now is now on the other side of it and better for it is so reassuring. thank you for making videos (like these and your others too) cause at the very least they've helped me really accept my identity and be hopeful for my future as a trans masc person.

[@leonard3580]

And thank you for this video! Haven't finished watching as I write this, but I am really worried about transitioning in case I'm not 'really trans'. Although I'm sure now it's been ingrained in me that it could be a phase and I'm worried that I'll regret or dislike the changes that come with transitioning.

[@chloewhite5022]

Leonard I feel exactly the same. I'm scared to come out because then I feel like I'll definitely transition medically and might regret it because I'm not happy with other aspects of who I am that I can't change. I worry that I'm better off passing as a cis female completely than half passing as male. It scares me though because I guess I won't really know if I'll be happy with the changes until they happen. I love the idea of being muscular and having a beard, etc but I don't know if in reality I'll be okay with it. It's nice to know I'm not on my own. Best of luck with everything.

[@myrkflinn4331]

people ingrained it inside me and now I think Im crazy and asking for more attention.... great....

[@myrkflinn4331]

Chloe, don't know how to tag you, but your situation is EXACTLY mine!

[@xbduf4gb]

Chloe White You will fully pass as male if you are a dose of testosterone that gives you an adult male blood serum level.

[@matty-go5lb]

this kinda hit me hard bc i definitely have a huge fear of even the idea of transitioning haha 😅 i hope one day i can accept myself and overcome that terror. thanks chase ❤

[@phoenixhaarsma232]

Chase, this is the EXACT thing that happened to me in regards to going back and forth. I was on T for 4 months and then I stopped and now hopefully I’ll be starting again in the new year. But I was so scared, and a lot of it was because of feeling I wasn’t “male” enough which was my moms exact words when I came out. I have come to realize that this is who I am and that my past self was just so uncomfortable and insecure that it isn’t how I wanted to live my life. Thank you for this video! It’s so good to know others experience fear

[@thatonemessyartist1760]

I needed this so much. I'm doubting myself because I'm scared to transition, and I thought that wasn't normal. I see all these people who seem 100% sure about themselves, so I thought that I was crazy for feeling like I might make a mistake. Everyone in the trans community seems so nice, and it's really helped me figure out who I am. Thank you!

[@crazycat1166]

Thank you for talking about this fear. Because this is exactly where I am and I've been so confused whether being scared means it's the wrong choice. I'm scared that I start transitioning then regret it.

[@kyr9425]

4 years later and I needed this so bad at the moment. Seeing it come up on my dash and watching just helped sooooo much!

[@jaroneller1525]

once again thank you for sharing, it's really helpful for young trans teens trying to cope with the same fears you just described and just seeing how far you've come gives us so much hope

[@kalebmiles9183]

I saw this title and I was so excited to click this. I feel like every trans person goes through this and then you finally get to a point where you can accept yourself. I'm so glad that you talk about things that everyone needs to hear. Thank you for videos like this that no one ever covers

[@kaicleland3852]

This is really helpfull I've been feeling super nervous about a lot of this stuff. *calming breath*

[@mossiris816]

THANK YOU SO MUCH!! Its so hard to find people who are open and honest about the fear of transitioning. It really helps because i go through the same cycle of certainty and uncertainty and it helps so much to hear that someone else has gone through this and still overcame it.

[@willellis3049]

This is honestly the best video for me that chase has ever made. i'm 15 years old and early trans guy and it was like he was talking straight at me. Chase you are an amazing person. :)

[@emoryramsey2756]

Thank you Chase. I have the same fears and anxieties on top of my everyday anxiety and sometimes I just can't function. No one ever talks about fearing transition. They always seem so happy about transitioning quickly.

[@theadorabletav7766]

this video means so much to me cuz like I rly feel the same I'm living the same thing and it's so frustrating and exhausting and hearing someone else talking about it helps.

[@corianderwolfgangrainbeaux]

This fear is ageless and timeless... I still question myself daily. Having a community to talk to is such a saving grace! I'm only 4 months in at 40 years old. But I knew when I was 4.

[@liam7827]

this video made me cry. I really really needed this. I'm not close to transitioning yet but someday I will and I know that I can love myself. it's so nice to hear that years later you still know that you did the right thing.

[@FrankieUtka]

Earlier today, I got the approval from my Endocrinologist to start Testosterone, after me knowing since i was 12, and coming out/going back in since i was 16 to now (I'm 18 now). All of those exact feelings you mentioned, the going back & forth, the feeling kind of genderqueer, the excitement followed by the fear that I'll regret hormomes, are what I have felt and am currently feeling. I was about to just give up and "accept" that I'm just never going to be happy with my body unless I change it in some way, and I did not feel like I was going to feel happy either way...but then I watched this video. I know that what I'm feeling is completely normal and people can relate to it and that I am still as valid and trans as any other trans person is. Legit, I started to tear up towards the end of this and it felt like someone was reading my mind and saying the words right out of my own mouth. Thank you so much for posting this, Thank you So Much for Sharing your experiences with us. To remember how Just a few months ago, I thought I was better off dead, and now I can finally see a possible bright future for myself and other people like me. I'm at a loss of words, I am just, so grateful FTM KZbinrs like you exist, and are constantly sharing their experiences and true feelings and colors. You help so many people in so many more ways than you can imagine and if I had the financial stability to send you a giant bouquet of flowers with a giant card signed by at least 500 other trans guys who you've helped, I would lol. Maybe that's overkill, but, THE POINT IS, Thank You So damn Much, Chase💖 I can't thank you enough💖💗💖 I wish you the best in all your endeavors and your journey💖💖💖💖

[@jonedominguez8389]

I was just watching a vid from Stef and that sweet notification hit me for this vid!!! All the trans KZbinr content!!!

[@leosahr8887]

Jone Dominguez SAME

[@subduednevada8280]

Saaame

[@Pinkupinku]

The reason that you're my favourite trans youtuber is because you're unafraid of being so open, and talking about your fears. I feel like a lot of trans people don't talk about their fears, but that's what I love about you, because you tell it how it is. I realised I was trans about 2 years ago and I'm still in the stage of 'am I really this, maybe I'm not, I don't want to be this' and I have a lot of fear about starting T, despite wanting nothing but T for the past 2 years. It's very emotionally exhausting to be afraid of something you want so badly. This helped me out a lot though, just as a lot of your other videos do. I just want to say thank you!

[@jaspertravis9036]

I watched this video/ your videos before at a younger age (I felt like I had "found" me in another person). Many years later, I am going back to videos (by you and others)...Wow! What perspective! I'm still trans, your videos are still helping. Thank you!

[@WelcomeToMyHead]

Thank you Chase for making this video and talking about this fear. This video could not have come at a better time for me. In a single video, in 16 minutes and 33 seconds, you validated, yet calmed, so many of my fears and made me realize that I am NOT the only one who feels this way or fears this. I actually breathed a sigh of relief watching this lol. I'm very happy to have been subscribed to you for quite some time, and I just wanted to say a huuuuuge thank you, again. ❤️

[@ben6875]

As a transmasc considering transition, this was really, REALLY helpful. The fear is definitely such a big thing for me right now--it really helps to know that it's not uncommon.

[@Sharks.are.friends]

I needed this. When you said that you went back and forth between feeling you're trans and not, getting things and then getting rid of them. I felt that, i resonated with that. Its been so hard for me the past 4-5 years, trying to figure out my gender identity. And now i think the problem im facing now, is accepting that I'm trans. And not knowing where to start as a student.

[@easthooligunz]

I wasn't going to comment but just in case someone else can relate I guess I will. For me personally, I feel like the difficulty of transition isn't worth it. That I can deal with "being female" although I know that if someone was like "here take this pill and you'll wake up a cis man" I so would. I know from the time I was young I was trying to sleep on my chest every night in hopes of that preventing da tiddy from growing... I used to think it was just because I wanted them small, didn't consider any other reason. I also got called by male pronouns (accidentally) twice when I was about 13 and I remember feeling soo happy about it. I also used to catfish for the majority of my teenage years, pretending to be male and feeling so much better as so. I could never be a female online it just made me uncomfortable. Here are all the classic signs of an early tran and yet I somehow just ignored it and went along being a "feminine girl". I think the idea of being trans only crossed my mind very briefly when I was probably around 13 or 14. I remember trying to bind with the upper chunk of nylons.. (it's actually not a bad idea if you're already decently small chested). I also used to "dress up" as a male and it made me so happy. But as I grew I guess I just got involved in other things and put it out of my mind. A huge part of me wonders where I'd be today if I had continued looking into it instead of just trying to forget about "being a lesbian" and whatever else I was exploring in that time. I suppose part of me wanted to try to be more feminine. And some part of me didn't mind putting on makeup and feeling pretty... Other parts of me were very repulsed and I hated it. So where am I today? 20 years old. I guess I'm lucky that my dysphoria is tolerable. I understand 100% that MANY trans people could not just "deal with it" or "put it out of their minds." but I also am typing all of this just in case someone has done that and needs to maybe feel validated. I know I don't feel like I'm "trans enough" right now... and I don't know if I ever will be. Maybe because I CAN be okay with being female than I'm not "trans enough to transition" and that's the thought process in my mind. I can have long hair and do my makeup and look in the mirror naked and not hate myself anymore... but at the same time know that if it were so much easier I would transition. Like I'm okay with being female I guess- but I know if I "was born a male next time" as Aaron's mom would say, I would be happy with that. I'm also completely aware that a lot of my fear likely stems from what other people would think. I love my family very much... but they wouldn't even like me cutting my hair or doing anything that I want to do to express myself more. (and I get it- I'm 20 I can do what I want..) but I still live with them and it's hard to not be influenced by their opinions and judgement. I almost feel like I have to physically be who they want me to be. What THEY think is "pretty". (but I'm working on that..) I also consider all the other people in my life. I consider the cost. I consider the length of time, I think of all these complications and lay it next to my dysphoria (that has decreased significantly since I was young) and feel it would just be easier to not. I guess I feel strange but I am wondering if anyone else out there feels the same. Something else that is rarely ever talked about in the trans community is dysphoria decreasing and if that's possible and if that still means you are trans or is it that once it is low enough it gets tolerable and you just shouldn't transition? okay I'm done. Sorry if any of this was offensive to anyone.. I was simply speaking from my own experience and my own feelings towards myself.

[@GynBlaise]

Shauna Mead Wow, I could really relate to what you were saying. I've just assumed I've been compartmentalizing my dysphoria. I have a large chest (always have) and it's constantly bothered me since I hit puberty. However, I'm not in a situation where I can do anything about it, so I've just locked away those feelings and tried not to think about it. For me, the problem is that those feelings still exist and certain things will dredge them back up. I honestly don't know if I identify as FTM because I feel like I could live as I am -- that it would be easier to live this way. I'm genuinely afraid of transitioning. I'm afraid for myself, of my family's opinion, my friends', society's, etc. At this point, I'm just letting it lie and waiting until I'm independent and then maybe I'll meet with a gender therapist.

[@chloewhite5022]

Shauna Mead I'm the same. I'm only 18 and realised in the last couple of years that I think I'm trans but I feel like my life is perhaps a lot easier if I just stay as I am. I'd be living a happier life if I was a cis guy probably but I worry it wouldn't be worth me transitioning because I'll never be a cis guy. It's almost like at least as I am I pass as cis female and that (in my head) is more acceptable than if I were to transition. I worry that I won't find a girlfriend, etc etc if I transition (probably internalised transphobia tbh but you know) but at least as I am I might be able to. Idk, it's just nice to see someone else feels the same. Thank you for sharing, it helps

[@Hipiebus]

Shauna Mead I feel you, I realised I was trans When I was 12 and was like "How am I ever going to tell mom". After that school year I switched schools and I the feelings away. I am 19 now and since I was 18,5 , I met a transguy and all the feelings came back. I always hated having a chest tho. I bind my chest now When I am in my own home (not When Im with my mom) but I don't dare to cut my hair shorter than shoulder lenght. I brought it up to my mom a couple weeks back and she was like " no that will be ugly, you're already not a girly girl and You'll look like a boy, and I already have a boy (my brother) and don't need Another one. Which makes coming out even harder. I am still confused about my gender tho but I know I am not a girl, even tho I can live with presenting a one Because of the fear of losing my family.. I am so confused and really don't know What to do.. if Anyone got advice I am very open to it . -Alex

[@ShushOrIWillKissYou]

Shauna Mead Hi! i was a lot like you while growing up (eg the sleeping on the stomach, being okay with things while hating them at the same time etc). So you are not alone! I, for myself, am okay with not getting bottom surgery (the technique is the issue for me). But i couldnt be okay with not going on T or not having top surgery. It really depends on each individual. i also felt like not transition would spare me a lot of stress/difficulty as you call it. But it came to a point where i was so unhappy with myself that i couldnt keep living on that way (the hating it part/ digusted became more and more, im now 22 btw). I think your story makes a lot of sense to me and each person has a different boundary of what is acceptable to them and what will make them happy in the end :)

[@ShushOrIWillKissYou]

Shauna Mead oh and i just read your other comment up here, in regard to that i would like to say that my transition has been very much worth it (even though i have felt it would be easier to pass as i was and not take on the challenge, but i hope i don't think this wrong but it sounds to me like you fear the opinion of others viewing you if you were to transition, i don't mean to offend you 😳). i have had some issues with passing while in my early transition but with time i have changed so much that i barely not pass anymore (my top surgery was the final push in the right direction). i have been lucky to have a husband throughout the entire process, not everybody can say that so i feel very grateful that i have him. I just mean that it is not impossible to find love if you transition. Just wanted to add this :)

[@end-ai-media]

Stop saying you're old, i'm gonna tally this and tweet you EVERY time you say this in a video to remind you that people over 30 watch your videos ... xD I am glad you brought this out, because each and every time i've gone through my shit that suddenly i've gotten rid of everything one way or another to force me into something. Right now i'm not medically transitioning until i'm ready in the next couple years or so - but getting more masculine clothes besides my usual t-shirts (i always wear them, i have never given two EFFS cause i didn't know what i was until adulthood XD) - i'm kinda bored of having to wear women's pants that accentuate EVERYTHING.

[@justxd8828]

This is why I follow chase! He talks about the real deep stuff that some people are afraid to talk about or just don't think to talk about. This is so relatable for so many of us it's crazy!

[@sam73337]

I got my first shot of T 2 days ago after 2 years of therapy and 3+ years of wondering if I'm trans and all of a sudden had this fear and anxiety come over me today which was literally "omg what if I regret this?" It is a big decision and it got real very quickly even after years of waiting to get to this moment. Some times I don't feel "trans enough" or "male enough" and that's ridiculous but it's there and I feel it. This video really helped calm me down and realize that it's fear of the unknown and that no matter what I decide to do tomorrow or 20 years from now, I'm glad I got that shot because if I don't transition now it will lead me to the same regret I've been trying to avoid all along. This is what I need today and it's alright to be afraid because I'm human and it sucks. I hope I can learn to love myself like you do. Thank you for making these videos.

[@BodyBruiser]

I think my biggest fear with transitioning is the negative side affects. I'm very scared of getting things like diseases or surgery because those are traumatic for me. I often switch between wanting to transition and not a lot as well... its hard to decide.

[@cosmicpuddle]

Wow, I really needed this video today. It's getting to the point for me that the discomfort of not transitioning is starting to outweigh the fear of transitioning, but it's still scary as hell. It's nice to know that you've dealt with similar feelings and pushed past it all. Thanks so much for talking about this, Chase!

[@Klaris10]

Omg, thank you for the video. its exacly how i feel, and this fear makes me doubt in my ,,transness". I thought that its just me, nobody have this much doubts and i just cant be 100 procent trans becouse of it.

[@kittypaw]

Wow, thank you for this. This literally made me tear up. I've been going in this same cycle of who I really am and I always blamed it on mental issues and just hating my body in general. I'm 16 now and I've been stressed and worked up since 13 about this. I'm just so mentally exhausted and knowing that it's not as easy for some than others and being able to hear a story close to my own really gives me hope. It's such a lonely and exhausting path, but video's like these gives me the energy to continue and not give up on who I truly am.

[@jessicachidgey8904]

Chase. I'm a silent subscriber. (I don't think I've ever commented on any video ever...) I just wanted to say, as a 25 year old, cis, British woman. There is just something about you that just makes my soul happy. I'm so glad I found you. And as a mother of two, I really appreciate what you're doing for younger people that need guidance in helping to accept who they really are. It honestly warms my heart and gives me hope for my children that there is still good, honest, loving people left in this world. So thank you xxx (Oh and I really like your shirt. 😚)

[@melissadomagala5576]

Dude. It’s great to see this because I’m 27 and grew up in the same generation. So it’s nice to see people close to or my own age talk about their transition. Sometimes I feel like I’m too old and this helps with those feelings. So, thank you.

[@abbyrose3177]

Chase, I've been having a lot of anxiety about coming out, and transitioning lately because I feel like I'll regret it later, this video was much needed, thank you🖤🏳️‍🌈

[@jordanvansteenderen6334]

Thank you for talking about this. Nobody ever talks about this, and I am so glad I'm not alone. You're doing so much good with this video.

[@katiekalandra6516]

Thank you for making this video. I have a very very close friend who has just started their transition (FTM as well) and this video has given me so much insight, it's helped me try and imagine what it would be like to be in his shoes and makes me so so proud of him going and getting the right people involved to help him on his journey. He just changed his name a little over 2 months ago- he asked me to be the witness to change his name and it was such an important moment in our friendship and I feel so amazing to be part of what is happening with him, to be someone that he trusts is such a beautiful feeling. You're so brave to share and be honest about how scared you were- and thank you for that bravery because you're helping me help and be there for my friend

[@diosdehuecomundo]

I constantly have the irational self-doubt that my issues are not valid if I have not suffered as much as others have. Which is fundamentally wrong and masochistic, I know! But this is why I find this channel so personally empowering. Chase, you don't conform and you don't force yourself to appear that way. You also talk about things others are too uncomfortable and even scared to adress - even though maybe you are as well... I have thanked you so often it might seem like empty words right now. However, I need to say that you honestly do give me strength. And I want you to know that. Thank you, Chase.

[@D.gts03]

I started T a week ago and im terrified ngl, I know im trans and I know I need this BUT its just scary because its that little voice in your mind questioning “what if”

[@jacksone.9555]

I'm so glad that you exist Chase. You're such a strong reminder that I'm not alone in how I feel and that I can make it through this and one day fully transition and be happy with my body. You are an empowering person and you are totally fabulous. I'm pretty sure you probably won't see this, but still I had to say it. This video is so relatable and I'm so glad you made it. I always thought that no one else was afraid and I'm glad to hear that being afraid is okay and being afraid won't stop me from transitioning.

[@fellafell]

Gimme that sweet sweet ad

[@daltonbrown6417]

fear of pain with the top surgery,but excitement . I have waited way too long. mostly trying to find a good surgen. I am much older than you Chase. lol

[@cosmicfishnyx8132]

This was incredible, it’s so unbelievable that you pretty much summed up how I feel as non-binary trans

[@jesseberry7521]

Thank you dude you are sort of helping me i feel that nobody is going to accept me because of the fact that some of my friends are christian and im scared they will leave me to myself and im scared that my sons foster mother wont have it and wont let me see my son i had a baby because i had to hide the truth ive been hiding for so long i hate hiding so much but now i feel like i have to either transition or be considered gender fluid just to keep making others happy and look like a girl to be aesthetically pleasing to those who know me as a girl but my brain is a male brain ans my biggest problem is i cant afford it :(

[@haydencook1673]

I'm scared of being trans too, I fear "what if I regret it" what if I tell everyone I'm trans but then realize I wasn't? I'm questioning myself being trans, but I'm scared. If someone put hormones in front of me, I would take them in a heartbeat, if top surgery was a close option, I would take it. I'm scared of being myself...I go back and forth between am I trans? Am I not? And it makes me want to cry because I'm so confused. Thank you for this video, it helps

[@colescorner997]

Chase, you are amazing! And the words coming out of your mouth are things that went on in my mind over the last 15 years. It took me 15 years to start my transition. And I love, love, love everything you just said. You are amazing!

[@acesnake1840]

I....needed this so much because I’ve been struggling with this and thought “hey maybe I’m not” and “wait what if I am” so thank you for finally explaining what I’m feeling Subscribed

[@deadnamedan6726]

I swear you make videos the moment I need them. I've put off going to therapy several times due to fear and I can't seem to shake it. I don't feel like shit as much after seeing this. Thanks.

[@MrMissionTransition]

Chase, I've been following your transition since before you stopped T early in your transition. Your channel was definitely part of why I realized I'm trans when I was 16/17. Even though our timelines of our transitions aren't too far off, I'm glad you posted this video about this topic. I really struggled a lot with the fear of transitioning early on and like you said, you don't represent the whole community, but it is relieving to hear this sort of commentary about these experiences.

[@ndav4097]

Thanks for making this, I think I can tell how important this video was to me from the fact that my first gut reaction to basically everything you said was "no that's wrong that's not me i don't feel like that", and then a few seconds later I'd think "oh wait that... actually was the best way I've ever heard anyone describe how I feel" ... coming to terms with this stuff is so hard but thank you for helping a tiny bit

[@BlackCrow691]

I have so much fear of transitioning and society and everything and I am so glad that you exist. You are a wonderful human being and you give me a lot hope for the future.

[@flwrboyx4421]

hey chase this video helped me so much, the past week I've been so anxious and sad about my gender and identity and this video really helped me change the way I've been thinking about all this anxiety. You are so amazing thx for everything u do and speaking about things like this ❤️❤️❤️

[@danielholmes636]

Finally someone puts this into words that I wholeheartedly relate to. I'm currently so scared to move forward because I feel almost paralyzed by fear. "What if this isn't really me? What if? What if?" It's an endless circle really. Coming to terms with if that's really who you are.

[@Leo-dm6dc]

chase, you are a blessing and though personally im at a point in my transition where I feel similar to how you do, I know many people are still struggling with transitioning and the fact that you're out on youtube helping the community... You are a gift to the world.

[@Fenteous]

Thank you so much for this video, Chase. It makes me feel so much better knowing that I'm not alone in my fear. I always thought it was due to me not being "Trans Enough," but I understand now. Hearing this message come from you -- one of my idols -- makes the fear less overwhelming.

[@TheZionrouter]

Thank you so so so much for this. I'm 24 and have been going back and forth on wanting to transition socially and medically and everyone (family, friends, therapists, doctors, the internet) have always told me that if I'm afraid or questioning then I absolutely cannot be trans. Same thing with me liking "traditionally feminine" things. So you saying this helps me understand my feelings and why I'm so terrified. I think it's because it'd be similar to taking of a mask that's been protecting me for so long. Doing what society *expects* of me. If I stop doing that, I lose control of others' reactions to me, but I gain my authenticity. I think I'm ready to face that.

[@linner1228]

Hi Chase! I just want to thank you for doing a great service with these videos -- not just for the trans community, but for people like me who have a loved one who is going through a transition. In my case, it's my 20 year-old son who is FTM. As much as we have a loving relationship where we can talk about pretty much anything, he can be closed off when it comes to talking about being trans. Your videos are so helpful to me because it helps answer questions that I either don't feel comfortable asking or that I know he doesn't feel comfortable talking about. He has not begun his medical transition yet, but very much wants to. I want to be a part of that, but also know that this is his journey, and am being respectful of his boundaries. For me to see what happens during a medical transition is so incredibly helpful, you have no idea. Thanks again for being so open and I can't wait to see what the future holds for you!

[@naruhina1997]

Fear of being wrong and fear of regret is why I'm scared but still pushing forward. Every tiny tiny shred of doubt I have makes me stop for a second and I need to compare where I am with where I was... it's night and day. The results don't lie, happiness doesn't lie.

[@dylanbamford2434]

I'm 28 and at the beginning of this journey. Well...after a decade of denial and panic and all that fun stuff, so this video is definitely a blessing.

[@katiedahlgren3037]

I just found your videos, I'm not trans but I grew up not even knowing what trans is and I'm happy to learn about it from different points of view to understand people better.

[@EmBeeGreen]

Chase, thank you so much for this video 💚 I'm 42 and am in the exact state of mind you're describing!!! Thank you for sharing, I feel you 😘🙏❤️💚💜

[@Michael-tj5fd]

Chase, I'm a fifteen (well 15 tomorrow!) year old trans guy and you inspire me in the exact way you were talking about. I realised I was trans when I was 12 and since January I've been coming out, trying to be accepted by the gender identity clinic (there's only one for minors in the uk and no option to go private or whatever) and working towards being able to transition socially at school. Seeing a guy like you who has made it, and did it his own way - going off T, putting off surgery, showing that there's no set course for transition - really inspires me and makes me feel so much better in myself knowing I can make it there too one day :) please keep making videos because I know I'm not the only one you inspire to keep going!

[@Straiger]

This is the video I needed to see. I'm closet trans and I've been through the same cycle of doing the research and buying the things, then throwing them out and refusing to think about it. I'm 27, I've known I was trans since I was also 15 and it really scares the shit out of me. I've heard other trans people say in their videos that if you're really scared then you shouldn't transition but here you stand, making these videos and living your life in SPITE of that fear. I'm literally crying because you gave a voice to my own emotions, you've inspired me and given me the "balls" lol to pursue my own definition of happiness.

[@alfredthedeadleaf9319]

Chase, you're amazing and this video is nice 'cause as an agender person I don't know if I want to transition with hormones or stuff and your video help me because you show us that it's okay to not be ready yet or don't want to do some things for transitions and it really need to be said by more people.

[@elliot7404]

Hey seriously thank you i thought no one felt the same. I cannot thank you enough I'm 15 now and it's amazing to see that I'm not the only one who has felt this way.

[@F0XFIRE_]

I thank you so much for talking about all this Chase. I am at exactly that time of fear. I am anxious to exactly not be "trans enough" for everyone. I fear to tell my parents, my family but I know I can't put myself on hold anymore. Tbh I was denying the fact that I hated my body, I took all those feelings and put them in a box, just to not make others uncomfy and now Im at a point where I start breaking bc of it. I told friends, good friend who support me but still the fear is there. I am so glad Im not alone. Like it felt like feeling this way meant Im not trans at all and like my brain was jsut fucked up. Thank you so much. I actually am on the search for a psychologist and I hope the best bc I am sure I want to do transition, I only fear what is afterwards. Do they hate me, am I a bad person to my family, will I make ppl feel uncofy or will I ever get as far as to transition. I can't thank you enough srsly.

[@Samuel-rv5hw]

Wow that was the video I was looking for without even knowing. Trans people should talk more about their fears because everyone seems so sure and it makes me freaking out and thinking that I’m a fake trender.

[@leonard3580]

yesss i got an ad 🙌🏼💜

[@graveyardpansy]

Leonard me too!!

[@shane4508]

I did too!

[@tobikms1709]

Leonard I got a 4 minute ad^^ I was so happy

[@CakedCrusader9]

This is the point I’m at right now. I’m 26 and terrified. Thank you for this, it really helps to know that you went through this too. I’m looking forward to getting through this part and starting my life finally.

[@septumpunch7797]

This is an incredibly raw video that I related to as a pre-t trans guy. Every single part I thought "omg ??? me ??? af". So thank you so much for making me feel like I'll never be alone in this fight to truly love myself and my trans identity. Please make more discussions like this!

[@frankie1465]

I just came out as ftm to my therapist, counselor, and now a doctor. It's been great to be in a better spot, mental health wise, and coming out to them has made me feel really content and given me someone to talk to. My only problem is that tho doctor (whom I don't usually see) told my therapist that she "thinks I should come out to my mom". Ugh, don't think it's her place to say that when she hardly knows me or my family. But besides all of that, I'm taking little steps in my transition like finding clothes that make me comfy and content and finding supportive members of the LGBTQ+ community. Being able to watch your videos helps me feel happy with myself and realize I'm not alone in what I feel. Thank you for being an awesome person, Chase. 💙

[@marcusshr6791]

I needed this so badly, i live in a constant state of fear that I’m not trans enough, that I’ll regret it etc. These feelings are intensified when I slip from the ideal masculine image such as wearing pink or getting a piercing, these make me doubt myself incase I’m not masculine enough to be a guy. I’m about 3 months away from starting T, I’ve paid to go private as the set backs on the NHS (UK health service) has killed me inside, it’s broke my heart etc as there’s nothing more in this world than to be on T, to have Top surgery, so it’s clear to myself that I’m trans and detransitiong is not what I want but it can’t stop worrying.

[@olivercharles8848]

This is exactly how I'm feeling right now and it's so good to know that it doesn't necessarily mean i'm faking it or not trans enough etc. THANK YOU FOR MAKING THIS VIDEO