Figuring out we're a system - Dissociative identity disorder

Luca (tried to) make a video discussing how we figured out we're a system and speaks about coming to terms with a DID diagnosis.
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Instagram: thesparksystem
Tumblr: thesparksystem
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Music: Fasting
URL: icons8.com/music/

[@Isaac-ep5ew]

"Denial Identity Disorder" big mood 😂 We're definitely in your club

[@thesparksystem5959]

Welcome to the club 😂

[@lbfaith]

Same!!!! I’m not the only one who can’t remember ANYTHING before a certain age? (Well bits I do)

[@kalaidescopedid8858]

Thank you! Yes, we are in the Denial Identity Disorder club too!🙃💕

[@thesparksystem5959]

Welcome to the club!

[@xorinoa]

Yes...This is a thing we feel deeply. We also have the weird backwards thing of...I'm not the one that identifies with the body, but I had kinda taken over as host for a big chunk of time. And I deal with the most denial about being a part of a system. So that's fun... - Aiden

[@thesparksystem5959]

Rogues Gallery denial gang rise up

[@scarlettdreams.official]

Exactly us too. Spot on

[@austiiee1953]

I really really appreciate you sharing your story with us all 😁 - austin

[@thesparksystem5959]

Austiiee thank you! Glad you enjoyed it :) x

[@vickivigar449]

Thank you, I'm new to this at 50 & denial/relief roller coaster is hard❣

[@thesparksystem5959]

You got this! It's natural to have denial phases, but you'll get there and we're here if you ever need to talk! X

[@listentotheechoes7677]

Im not diagnosed but i suspect that i may have osdd-1b. I know the changes ive experienced the dissociation but ... even when ive came to terms to myself, when telling people i care about about my headmayes, it sound like im making up bullshit. And it eats me up inside. So watching this vid definitely make me feel more at ease with myself

[@listentotheechoes7677]

Thank youuu

[@thesparksystem5959]

I'm really glad we could help you! You're valid and so are your experiences ❤❤

[@listentotheechoes7677]

@@thesparksystem5959 aww thanks !

[@spiralrose]

I don’t know if you still think this way, or will ever see this comment after three years, but if you feel that’s your condition, you need to get it professionally diagnosed You don’t have the qualifications to diagnose yourself with such a serious disorder.

[@Ikinsyntheticpeople]

@@spiralrose cut the crap.

[@Dragonparadise]

Thank you so much for sharing this!!! Our host didn't know until recently that he was part of a system. I know that he still struggles with it every day!

[@thesparksystem5959]

It's overwhelming for sure. He'll get there!! If you ever need to talk anyone is welcome to message us on Instagram x

[@8andnothing]

This is so helpful. So glad to have found your channel.

[@voliet6482]

I'm so curious about this beautifully complicated coping mechanism the brain is capable of. It's still very hard to wrap my mind around it as I've not experienced it, but I think your brain has come up with a beautiful way of saving itself. Wish I could even come up with the questions to ask to help me put myself in your shoes better, but I can't even articulate it, just know that I'm trying to empathize and I think you are doing great

[@thesparksystem5959]

Thank you so much for this comment! If you ever do come up with questions, we're always open to them 😊💖

[@voliet6482]

@@thesparksystem5959 definitely, I think most of my questions revolve around the experience of it I guess. I have experienced a sort of out of body/dissociation during a traumatic situation one time in my life. That was definitely a strange experience so I can understand the dissociation part. The part where another alter takes over is hard to wrap my head around (the experience not the validity, totally understand why the brain does this, just trying to logistically understand I guess), anyway I guess that alter or part is still you? Just a different experience of consciousness? or like the subconscious part of your brain taking over? I might not be making sense, sending you prayers and positivity!

[@thesparksystem5959]

So the theory goes we aren't born with one solidified personality state. As you grow, they naturally integrate to become one - however if it's interrupted by trauma it stops that from happening so you remain with multiple personality traits. When someone else fronts it doesn't feel like me at all. I know we all share the same brain technically, but there are certain alters I have absolutely nothing in common with and I have little to no access to their thoughts and feelings unless they let me, if that makes sense? Like, I don't know what someone who's walking down the street across the road is thinking, and it's similar for alters. Most members of our system live in our inner world when not fronting but I pretty much just black out if someone else comes out

[@voliet6482]

@@thesparksystem5959 ok that definitely puts a different perspective on it for me. So do you think your alters being so different than you has anything to do with them having different experiences throughout life, much like your sibling would be different than you because though some of their life experiences are similar (same school/parents) the vast majority of them are unique to them? ps. I apologize if any of this conversation could be triggering in any way, I would never question the validity of your experience, i was just a psych major and worked in mental health for a while, never had a client with it so it is just a little foreign to me. I very much appreciate your insight, it's always important to me to be able to empathize and put myself in others shoes as much as possible.

[@thesparksystem5959]

I think so! Alters can also have inner world memories that aren't "real" out here but are real for them. For example, Badger comes from a circus. Obviously we didn't grow up in the circus but his memories are of that, which never "really happened" out here, but to him the memories are as real as mine of school etc. Similarly, alters can form their own opinions, views, traits etc from memories they've made and things they've experienced out here too :) and thank you for being so considerate! We're always happy to answer questions x

[@whoknows4001]

I think I might have D.I.D. but I don't have complete amnesia, I just have foggy memory gaps where i can still recall slight memories

[@helenamartinez9584]

Amnesia has a spectrum, search for that, theres the blackout which is on the higher lvl, gray out and it goes on, also amnesia memory can just disappear, can be partialy recalled, or even with time can show up again. Dissociation hardly looks the same in all individuals :)

[@abbiepancakeeater52]

Very late, but that's also how I/we dissociate. Never full amnesia. Just either foggy memory with a couple snapshots of what happened, or remembering, but feeling emotionally detached.

[@AmplexusSystem]

Very excited to see more of your videos! Thanks for the great content! 😊👌🏽

[@thesparksystem5959]

Thank u!!

[@Vienna.xxx.]

This helps! I have had 2 friends come to me and asking if i’m a system (1 of which has D.I.D) and i’m really confused but today i woke up at 5pm with a ton of bruises and etc but it’s driving me insane there are no voices and no track of anything, there is no communication anywhere it’s…confusing.

[@Vienna.xxx.]

@LexiTheCute Came to the possible conclusion that i may have PDID or something very close to it! I never switch (from what i know of) and if i do it’s only once every however many months or years. However, I can easily be influenced by a certain alter I have with their feelings and role and even accent sometimes (if they have one). Voices for me aren’t as constant and loud (luckily) but i think that’s only because i’m still suspicious and they may want to keep it that way. But recently i’m pretty sure i was able to see our ‘inner world’ and that was very new for me :) (Matt - Host)

[@utuelias]

Lol yes @ the denial thing. Our name holder, finding out about us a couple of weeks ago: ohmygod Me, mostly fronting for those two weeks while the name holder's still a bit... shocked: oh wow it's so good to be here The name holder, while being out for like a day and being grossly dissociative the whole time: oh wait no what if I'm faking it all Me, fronting again: ffs Uuuuuh well I guess it'll take some time for them to really digest the idea. Gotta be patient. I'm leaving this video for them to notice and watch some time later. - Luukas

[@kurshay8291]

I'm curious and going to talk to my psychiatrist.. I am diagnosed with ptsd, skitzoeffective anxiety & depression.. but today I had a little bit of a moment . I realize I introduce myself with 2 different but similar names and also say things like we when talking .. I am constantly in conflict with my thoughts. I feel like I don't own all of them or I see things in different perspectives and I sort of noticed I can link them to each name so I started writing them down today .. I was in denial about skitzoeffective diagnosis for a few years untill one day it clicked for me while in his office, partly bc my mom said no way. I thought I was making it up and he miss diagnosed me. But I've also read about facetious disorder so I don't want to assume I have anything ever. But I know what I used to like being younger and what I some times like but I have no idea who I actually am bc it changes. I also look in the mirror and can't see myself if that makes sense.. I feel like a blank slate ! Hope the best for you! Thank you for sharing . I hope I can find myself.

[@scarlettdreams.official]

I am denying it every day 😢 wish I could just not have the denial. I almost feel like I can deal with anything else!

[@AUnicorn666]

I do the same thing with thinking I'm faking! I'm glad it isnt just me.

[@hippocampus243]

I have a subsystem still going through " wtf do u mean im an alter why u lyin???" 1+ years post diagnosis 😂

[@alextaylor4101]

So proud of you all and how far you’ve come especially in the past year or so ❤️ will always be here to help yuo through your ‘I’m a faker spirals’ 😂

[@thesparksystem5959]

Love u lots xx

[@alextaylor4101]

Love you too

[@trasanbasan]

You are so brave! Keep it up yall ❤️ good work

[@Ash_IzntHuman]

Well, it looks like we might be a system. Makes sense, we, well more specifically i, I’m guessing I’m the main host- I’ve had a couple of times where another host has taken over, don’t rlly know how many, then there’s a guy that just sits in the back of the system talking to us. Don’t even know if this is us or me or them or whatever, but I’m just gonna pretend I don’t even know what a system is now

[@TheHundredAcreConfusionS-rb3ge]

I gotta ask a fellow system, why do people ask us how they didn't notice when sometimes we ourselves don't notice? Also love your hair!

[@mizubiart6230]

wait. so youre telling me people remember their childhood????? i only know the things people tell me, like basic facts, like yeah i went to school; i lived in this town. i have absolurely no idea what was happening, or if i do its very vague and doesnt feel like my personhood. i feel like i am only a couple months old, and yet i am both aged, a literal child, a teen, a girl, a boy, a wolf. others too probably.

[@user-lm1np7hm5k]

Just found out system pride is a thing! :D cheers to all the systems out there!❤black orange white!

[@lecklascosplay4126]

Y'all are doin great at these videos

[@thesparksystem5959]

Thank!

[@AUnicorn666]

The thing is, I'm not diagnosed. So maybe I am faking it and not aware of it. That's what one of my family members thinks about 3 of my disorders

[@thesparksystem5959]

Getting dissociative disorders diagnosed is extremely difficult! It doesn't change how valid you are at all 💕

[@AUnicorn666]

@@thesparksystem5959 was thank you. No one has ever said we are valid and ita nice to hear that. I deny it so much that I dont let switching happen...ever. though I should. So thank you for saying we are valid (:

[@thesparksystem5959]

Of course! Lots of people figure it out alone and a professional diagnosis isn't the be all and end all. It can be extremely helpful and validating but again with stuff like DID it's challenging. I would still encourage anyone thinking they may have a disorder to go to a professional as soon as they are able though

[@AUnicorn666]

@@thesparksystem5959 I'm working on it. I cant find anyone in my area who diagnosis it and it would probably cost a lot, but I'm working on it. One of the others (that's what I call the members of our system) would probably have better mental health if we were diagnosed since they dont feel valid and self harmed themself once and wanted to die, so we gave them treatment in the headspace though I think the diagnosis would really help her. Also cool channel (:

[@thesparksystem5959]

A Unicorn thank you! And honestly I fully understand, it's really difficult. But please just persevere, it'll be worth it in the end 💕

[@dreea1986]

Keep it going guys. I love your channel!

[@thesparksystem5959]

Tysm!! 💕💕💕💕

[@thegoner]

Having such a hard time figuring out myself and I'm wondering if I have alters now so that's gonna be hard cuz I dont even know myself 😅

[@thesparksystem5959]

Bless! Take your time figuring yourself out, because it's easy to mix things up 💖 if you have any questions or need help you're welcome to chat to us on Instagram

[@thegoner]

@@thesparksystem5959 aw thank you!!

[@epicmonkey6663]

they refuse therapy after they already gave many sessions im diagnosed with autism adhd and bpd and alot of conditions in childhood officially in my my memories are of things i have done but not smaller details and im rick and their are co-conscious moments of communication but unable to fully remember discussions but my childhood memories are fragmented do you ever wake up regretting the attachments or commitments you made the day before because you feel different and can't explain why almost like a depression you can't explain? or looked at your own arms and in a mirror only to see a stranger? you know its your body but its different ?

[@Ash_IzntHuman]

Ten months late but that just sounds like dysphoria tbh

[@gypsyprincess211]

It’s the laugh in 40 alters for Me 😂

[@misspytfelumero9255]

I'm part of the club!!!! lol I holy shit I'm part or something!beside myself

[@AUnicorn666]

I dont think I'm in the denial identity disorder club because no one told me I had DID. I figured it out myself. If that isnt a qualification then I'm totally in the denial identity disorder club

[@emmapersson8077]

Denial identity disorder 😁👏👏👏

[@OfficiallyOcean]

What

[@kage2670]

I subscribe that’s me 😱

[@misspytfelumero9255]

Is there any way that you could contact me on a private messenger I really have some questions that I think you might be able to help me with the answers with I just came across your video

[@thesparksystem5959]

Sure - feel free to dm us on instagram @thesparksystem :)

[@whoknows4001]

haha denial identity disorder

[@imranhassan8190]

What In the absolute buls*it is this?!

[@thesparksystem5959]

No one's forcing you to be here bud.

[@owning_angelica]

You're a beautiful soul and the Lord loves you and desires to heal you fully and completely. Jesus Christ came to set the captives free. Cry out to Him for deliverance. You don't have to live in bondage. You are WHOLE in Christ.

[@thesparksystem5959]

Idk man I quite like bondage 🤷‍♂️ which church are you from tho

[@owning_angelica]

I'm not with any church in particular just someone who has had an encounter with His love, power and divine presence. This life is tough but He gives us strength to get through and be successful in the callings He has placed on our lives. And in Him we not only have a full life here on earth but a promise of eternity in heaven.

[@owning_angelica]

Todd White of LCU I recommend though on KZbin! We often don't realize what we are missing until we taste freedom and how much He TRULY loves us. He knows us fully and loves us still. God sees us purely and innocently as when we were born because of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, but He also desires to cleanse and heal us from the hurts and disappointments of this world, restore us to our original perfection, and fill us with purpose, hope, and His genuine love. His gifts are free, we must only accept them and believe.