Final Fantasy VII Rebirth | Fully Ramblomatic

This week on Fully Ramblomatic, Yahtzee reviews Final Fantasy VII Rebirth.
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[@SecondWindGroup]

Join us tomorrow for our 12-hour charity stream as we raise money for AbleGamers! kzbin.infoFrMChwW1uMg?si=m44IPaIJGKXhxqLd Set a reminder at the link, especially if you want to see Yahtzee play Helldivers 2!

[@gogauze]

This is super relevant to me-because, ya know, disability sucks-and, I appreciate you guys doing events dedicated to supporting folks in rough situations. I know ya'll have done charity streams for disability and mental heath causes before, but it never fails to give me the warm and fuzzies. I'll definitely be there for, at least, part of the stream 💜

[@rocko7711]

❤️🎮🕹️👾❤️

[@rocko7711]

❤️🕹️❤️👾❤️🎮❤️

[@Dethmaster64]

Gwyneth Paltrow’s head as the face of Sephiroth made my brain turn into goop

[@superdogsam6230]

Ba dum tsss

[@gogauze]

I see what you did there. Also, I actually laughed out loud.

[@Gingrnut]

It gave me a tickle in *my* nether regions

[@dfmrcv862]

You... Clever... Commenter...

[@dubstepbeecorsi6892]

It's also a callback to his FF7 Renake EP1 video

[@PeterMoxilin]

I will now be disappointed if "Yatzee's ice cream" isn't on the next quarterly expenses.

[@armorhide406]

if not, we riot

[@Dabednego]

Second Wind, more like Second Scoop

[@grievuspwn4g3]

Yahtzee's Ice Cream: accountant says still no.

[@LegoBob4123]

It will be disguised as "research materials"

[@SimuLord]

Just tell me how much I need to up my Patreon donation to keep Yahtzee in his favorite flavor.

[@bartz0rt928]

"Sephiroth looks like Gwyneth Paltrow" is one of my favorite Yahtzee jokes and I'm glad it's being kept fresh.

[@bluemooninthedaylight8073]

It's not just her face, but the fact it's her smug, self-satisficed face that nails it.

[@EmperorSeth]

It's a joke that's gone full circle because I think people made the same comparison to Tidus from FF10 back in the day. Oh, wait. I think that was Meg Ryan. But still!

[@MusicoftheDamned]

​@@EmperorSethYeah, Tidus was always Meg Ryan IIRC, which is also fitting since Meg Ryan is far less malicious than Gwyneth Paltrow.

[@bartz0rt928]

@@EmperorSeth Oh snap he totally does, never saw that joke.

[@ty_teynium]

Ya know, since the game is going the multiverse route, seeing a Gwyneth Paltrow universe Sephiroth really doesn't sound too bad an idea.

[@Lemerney]

I told Audible Yahtzee sent me and they dropped me through the crocodile trapdoor

[@RatchetSly]

"WRONG LEVERRRrrrrrrrr..."

[@TaiWanWaf]

@@RatchetSly oh they knew what lever it was 😂

[@wesleythomas7125]

​@@RatchetSlyWhy do we even HAVE that lever!?

[@woot2111]

@@wesleythomas7125 Amazon: For people sent here by Yahtzee, obviously.

[@goldenfiberwheat238]

They sent me back in time and forced me to retreat through the Burmese swamp with the ijn in 1945. So pretty much the same experience

[@ArmageddonD11]

Every Cloud has its silver lining. In this case the silver lining is Sephiroth's massive katana.

[@harrygoad329]

Oh, is that what they're calling it now?

[@Pikashades]

It's a masamune, not a katana.

[@IsaacAllison]

Aerith Has Left Chat.

[@Andrew_TS]

​@@PikashadesMasamune is the name,but it's more of a nodachi than a katana.

[@Garrus1995]

Can you imagine if they actually change that part of the story? I’m not sure if fans will love it because they love the character or if they’ll despise it for altering the plot too heavily.

[@MeTheOneth]

Let Yahtzee expense his ice cream, Nick!

[@SecondWindGroup]

Only if I get to expense my Mtn Dew!

[@Xenobears]

@@SecondWindGroup obviously you should-editors can’t caffeinate themselves! It’s a necessity for getting stuff done.

[@MeTheOneth]

@@SecondWindGroupWell, that only seems fair.

[@SecondWindGroup]

@@tedweird Noooo, my mother can't see where my salary is going!

[@dosbilliam]

@@SecondWindGroup There's actually been people who have managed to write off caffeine on their taxes. As someone who did myself, turns out third-shift really does get a lot better with energy drinks. :P

[@crackedemerald4930]

"unnecessarily prolonged perhaps, but not as much as the first game" my dumbass looked at the box art and thought "the first final fantasy game?" and then "oh he must mean the prequel to the remake of the seventh final fantasy game. but it could also be the original, seventh sequel." and now my brain is tired.

[@OversoulGaming]

Wouldn't the prequel to the remake of the seventh Final Fantasy game technically be the remaster of crisis core?

[@cashnelson2306]

Why was it this confusing for you? This is the second part in a trilogy, not exactly tough to keep up with

[@TheRoboKitty]

​@@cashnelson2306He's mocking Square Enix for milking the FF7 sub series too much

[@StevenUlyssesPerhero]

2:16 The funny thing is, that's not even 1997 silliness being preserved, that's new silliness being added in the 2020's. In the original, after Barret says a few parting words for his old friend and the father of the child he has adopted, a scene transition takes them back to the warden of the prison camp, who remarks that "maybe things will calm down around here now that you got rid of that crazy gu-" and Barret cuts off those disparaging remarks with the miniature map model equivalent of a death stare. Then Cloud takes an elevator up to the theme park's casino, wins the party's freedom in a race, and the strongman gives them the monster truck as an "I like your style, kid" parting gift.

[@Ramsey276one]

Thanks for reminding me of that F@(&ing moment! Fine, I'll buy it again on Switch. I never get tired of replaying old FF games anyway... 2:17

[@FFKonoko]

The mood whiplash is honestly still there, just shifted. So I think its still "preserving 97 weirdness", in vibe form rather than the exact same weirdness. 😂 Like the battle rap?

[@Ramsey276one]

@@FFKonoko the WAT

[@prcervi]

@@FFKonoko they put it in the wrong order though so it comes off even worse done

[@OversoulGaming]

It's anime silliness and jrpgs are basically interactive anime

[@DanGamingFan2846]

Cloud as a Cockatiel and Sepheroth as Gwyneth Paltrow are the strangest and most hilarious visuals I've seen all week. And to some degree, both kinda fit.

[@watershipup7101]

You got that right.

[@waterbullstudios9195]

It's so good. Yahtzee's sense of humor never disappoints.

[@garnetbird7557]

I'm just imagining a little cocktail with a buster sword. lol.

[@mikedawolf95]

Wasn’t there a a mini section of the game where there’s a bird that exactly looks like cloud and they’re poking fun of him because it looks like him?

[@Dzztzt]

+1 for Walrus accuracy

[@TheSmart-CasualGamer]

Goo Goo Gjoob!

[@Ziel23987]

fibsh

[@GreyWolfLeaderTW]

"And the Inspector Gadget theme tune running through my head". Great, I just got that theme out of my head. Now it's right back in there, the incessant earworm.

[@ObadiahtheSlim]

And if you like Pina Coladas and songs caught in your head.

[@woot2111]

@@ObadiahtheSlim And the urge to sing Disney songs is always a whim away, a whim away, a whim away...

[@olorin2786]

@@woot2111 That's not a Disney song. It's a song from the 60's. Now I feel old.

[@Pimploaf_YTP]

I just hear Mike Matai winnowing off about brown bricks in moinecrap

[@adamloga3788]

You know, it kinda slipped by me for a sec, but the fact that Yahtzee was willing to engage in a mini-game that he didn't like for the sake of preserving an NPC's feelings is actually a subtle note that it has to be doing SOMETHING right. After all, this is a man who has notoriously not given a crap about a lot of other games' MAIN characters because they just did not give him a reason to. For him to be unwilling to disappoint an NPC is an achievement in-and-of-itself.

[@DavidFostertheFirst]

And he praised the Dyne sequence!

[@dubstepbeecorsi6892]

Cloud Strife as a cockatiel is something i didn't know I needed but glad I have Imagine a cute little birdie holding a bird sized buster sword in between his little wings

[@0LoneTech]

It's literally in the game, of course.

[@saltyk9869]

You haven’t seen Cloud Jr I take it.

[@pocketpc_]

I enjoyed when Yahtz cast himself as Cockatiel Cloud's new boyfriend

[@Vesperitis]

Now picture Cockatiel Cloud riding a Chocobo.

[@TheCyclicGamer]

And then you have Sephiroth as the red birb going "YeuYeuYeuYeuYeuYeu *STARE SOUND*"

[@Sadarak1980]

Summary: the best reviewed final fantasy game yahtzee has ever played. "And take that for the massively qualified praise that it is. "

[@CaptainGCN]

Honestly, it's pretty effusive praise for a JRPG by Yahtzee's standards.

[@Sadarak1980]

I actually loved it, and from yahtzee for a final fantasy game (not even a jrpg, I have a feeling he secretly likes any jrpg that does slice of life) this was as good a reception as could have been hoped for :)

[@maninblack3410]

@@Sadarak1980 yeahhh but as a fan of the original it’s pretty awful. They took the one thing part 1 had going for it (smaller more intimate character moments) and killed it because we have to have 70 hours of unskippable content. Not to mention the fact that compilation series already ruined cloud, this version of cloud somehow turns out worse than that one by the end. In the original you get the sense that he was being controlled up to the point where his brain completely broke due to his girlfriend dying and him thinking who he thought he was may have never even existed. In this he’s comically delusional, fully equipped with evil laughing and everyone in the party watching him Benny hill chase Aerith almost to her death just to say “derrr that was a close one cloud, you good to go?”

[@Sadarak1980]

@maninblack3410 I respect your opinion but couldn't disagree more. I think the characterisation in rebirth is well done, and I like the whimsy that all the diversions and minigames add as it brings back the spirit of the origonals. Cloud is meant to be pretty damn nuts by this point so his behaviour is fine, as is the party's because they all already knew he had a screw loose. My least favorite part of the new games is the focus on zack, I played crisis core back in the day and I still don't care about him much and don't care much about his segments. That said I think they nailed it with this outing, just a shame the sales likely mean cut budget for the last game is all.

[@maninblack3410]

@@Sadarak1980 cloud was never actually crazy, that’s the problem. He was being controlled during the ancient temple incident and then in the northern crater he had a huge identity crisis and was still probably being controlled. The event in the lifestream with tifa was her helping him sort through the fact that he did exist and was actually cloud and not just a copy of sephiroth. Either way, it *is* a great game barring some aspects, but I find it odd that people are surprised at how it’s presumably selling. We’ve known since the dawn of gaming that direct sequels most of the time sell worse than the first in the series. I could talk about this all day (and have in the years leading up to rebirth lol) but in order for a direct sequel to do as well as or better than previous entries (generally) a player needs to be able to start from that entry, it needs to be absolutely insanely marketed, it needs to be a highly anticipated title on a fresh new console, or a combination of these. Rebirth breaks all of these except maybe marketing? Idk, but it breaks the first one so hard there’s probably no marketing that could save it. You can’t just start with rebirth.

[@williamhenby952]

I've noticed that "about a mile wide and an inch thick" is a good description for almost every currently available AAA game.

[@LeeorVardi]

Baldur’s Gate 3

[@Ramsey276one]

And inch THIN, actually!

[@SimuLord]

Games used to be plates. Now they're game foil.

[@alexgrunde6682]

Result of game by corporate committee. There’s no vision, no auteur’s voice, just throwing as many mechanics and gameplay styles in as possible to cover as many bases as possible, and do it in an already established franchise to minimize risk.

[@gangwolfgamer]

Funny enough, out of all the variety of mechanics in this game the card game is something I would point out as an exception, but it was the one he didn't want to touch the most xD

[@dosbilliam]

For what it's worth, this IS the remake of the game that ended up naming "Sidetracked by the Gold Saucer."

[@michaeljohnson6905]

It's a sequel, not a remake

[@goldchampion200]

​@@michaeljohnson6905 Don't know that yet. At least i'm not convinced yet.

[@matthewmuir8884]

@@goldchampion200 All the timeline/multiverse stuff means it's not a remake; at best, it can be called a reimagining.

[@goldchampion200]

@@matthewmuir8884 i mean i disagree but i bet my definition of "Remake" is different from yours. A "Remake" uses its source as a base but its free to add/deviate from it as long as the skeleton/major beats are still there. To Use Rebirth as our current example Midgar -> Chocobo Farm -> Mythril Caves -> Junon etc We're still hitting the same beats even if the exact way it plays out is different A "Reimagining" to me is like how you go from Mario being a 2d Platformer to an RPG for example (Paper Mario, Mario and Luigi Games). You keep the broad strokes and constants like Mario, Peach, Bowser, Mushroom Kingdom etc but everything else changes

[@matthewmuir8884]

@@goldchampion200 Here's the definition of remake that I found after a quick search: "A remake is a film, television series, video game, song or similar form of entertainment that is based upon and retells the story of an earlier production in the same medium-e.g., a "new version of an existing film". *A remake tells the same story as the original* but may uses a different set of casts, and use actors from the original, or change the flow and setting of the story, in addition since a remake is released some time after the original work it may incorporate new technologies, enhancements, and techniques that had not existed or was commonly used when the original work was created. *A similar but not synonymous term is reimagining, which indicates a greater discrepancy* between, for example, a movie and the movie it is based on." Based on this definition, FF7R would be a reimagining, but not a remake. Your idea of a reimagining is actually called a spinoff.

[@Ryusuta]

Man, I can't wait until the Final Fantasy 7 reboot is finally finished. See you guys around 2030 for that glorious day.

[@rogue_of_the_winds1286]

If my math is right, these "fans" are going to pay over 200 dollars for a remake of a game I've owned for 25 years. Gaming is being ruined by adult children that spend money in such asinine ways. One game. 70 bucks, made with love. Why is that so hard.

[@mateoreyes6921]

Final Fantasy? I thought this was the prelude to Kingdom Hearts 4

[@dychostarr]

​@@rogue_of_the_winds1286 ...You good?

[@FFKonoko]

​@rogue_of_the_winds1286 have you not played any of them? Cos...thinking of it as a remake is literally wrong. 😅 That was the whole point of the ending of remake, where after a game where they added a ton of content, fleshed out the bare bones original, they outright showed the intent of fate being destroyed, things being able to go different ways. And rebirth continued that. I finished ff7 agaib before playing remake, and 100%ing that game took less time than 100%ing remake. And rebirth, I hit over 100 hours of enjoyment on the first run, with more content to come on hard mode. Calling each game a third of a single game simply isnt accurate. Hell, I had fun noting how basically every other game was getting gently repped in some way. I love ff7, and it is a classic and always will be. But you seem like a real "fan". Did you react like this for dirge of cerebus? 😂

[@reckoner1913]

Hey, that's a solid year before Elder Scrolls 6 (and an infinity before Star Citizen).

[@Zorgdub]

I was confused about who this "Manic Pixie girl B" was until Yathzee talked about the ninja joining the party as Mani Pixie Girl C. Turns out he was talking about Wholesome Childhood Friend A all along! (which is funny because the one who is *actually* a childhood friend is the Manic Pixie Girl A who wears a dominatrix cross fit outfit).

[@sindrisuncatcher653]

Maybe it's just me, but I got the vibe that manic pixie dream girl A and manic pixie dream girl B were way more into each other than either of them was into the male lead. Also the one dressed like a crossfit dominatrix is constantly acting all gentle and wholesome and nurturing and stuff, while the one in the pretty floral gown who sells flowers is kinda fucked up actually.

[@KingOfElectricNinjas]

One of the things that FFVII seems to be fondly remembered for, and that people were pleasantly surprised S-E actually remembered, is that a lot of the characters have hidden depths that are the opposite of the stereotype they appear to be, like the boxing tomboy being sweet at heart while the pretty elegant priestess is actually hard as nails at her core.

[@ryonalionthunder]

@@sindrisuncatcher653 …Well now you’ve convinced me to check it out. They should put you on the marketing team.

[@maninblack3410]

@@KingOfElectricNinjas come on though. You’re not about to tell me they didn’t reduce Aerith to a soft spoken messianic character, are you? The original had Aeris as a tough as nails character who was fiery and competent in the seedy underbelly of midgar, but this game? Nah, not at all. And tifa was mopey the entire game. They were essentially turned into the same character just with slightly different emotions: sad because cloud is weird and sad because I’m gonna die. Game is good, and it’s doing something right that jrpg’s lost 20 years ago, but that’s in spite of its poor writers not because of them. Everything this game does well was taken from the playbook of the original, everything it does poorly is newly created or modern.

[@paladin181]

@@maninblack3410 That's not really accurate. The original was rife with terrible pacing and issues in the story telling. Don't let the nostalgia goggles blind you to think is was a great game. People wouldn't have been clamoring for a remaster/remake so much if it was actually really good. They would have been satisfied with it. Instead, they got obsessed with how almost good it was, andreally wanted Square to redo it and hopefully fix those issues.

[@Nickle_King]

I haven't played the game, only seen random clips, but one thing I noticed from those clips is the impact effects from attacks were MUCH less than in the first part. So maybe the combat felt better because you can see it without being flashbanged every time you hit a button.

[@SoloMael]

Having played Part 1 and 2 twice through, this game makes several subtle changes to multiple characters that really add up, Rebirth’s combat is definitely better

[@fearingalma1550]

@@SoloMael I haven't played Rebirth yet, but I brought up the point to someone who has- in Remake you had to equip a materia called "Deadly Dodge" that let you chain attacks from dodges and basically turned the game into Cloud May Cry. Rebirth apparently lets you do this by default now without needing materia, so it makes sense that it'd feel more fluid.

[@SoloMael]

@@fearingalma1550 There’s even more examples of upgrades from Remake being default abilities in Rebirth, mostly on Aerith

[@Blake_Stone]

This pretty much matches my memory of the middle of the original FFVII.

[@NotFunctional-ever]

He's just forgetting that giant worm that screws you over, and it would perfectly sum up my middle game experience.

[@nekomimi2600]

Yep the remake of the middle portion did not fix the pacing issues it always had but highlight it in 4K HD

[@MartinRudat]

@@NotFunctional-ever You mean you weren't meant to grind until you could kill the meat gate only to be told, "Yo, the plot is that way"? =)

[@stevethepocket]

When Square finally wraps up this single-game-stretched-out-into-a-franchise it'll be a _Final Fantasy VII Relief._

[@Paul-cu9lu]

I fully expect Yahtzee to give this the dead to rights treatment with the misuse of RE-lated titles.

[@josephbarnes699]

Somehow I think relief won't be the word when all the fanboys come off the nostalgia high they're own and realize how much they've spent for the complete story. Listen I'm a ff fanboy and I was hyped for the remake until I found it was going episodic and each episode would be full price. Screw that, I'm happy with the original that I can get for pennies now and play on everything including the toaster (I think).

[@activatewindows]

Can’t wait for FFVII: Afterbirth.

[@sarafontanini7051]

final fantasy 7: still birth Final fantasy 7: abortion Final fantays 7: the cringy emo punk teen phase

[@sithdude2436]

Final Fantasy 7 Repentance when

[@wertyppl]

Or Birth By Sleep... oh wait

[@KeithFraser82]

FFVII: Regurgitation

[@NinetyNineNo]

I have a lot of gripes with it but man, the combat is fantastic. Improved from Remake in several ways and shockingly varied and deep. Love the enemy designs too.

[@MysteriousJojo]

Using the Frank mask for Tifa is an excellent deep cut

[@SgtDax]

I KNEW I recognised it. Thank you.

[@catkaboodle]

This is a really good review. I appreciate that he openly admitted he didn't like it but still put in the effort to analyze the game objectively (and succeeded).

[@hinasakukimi]

seems to me he enjoyed it despite some flaws

[@justinsinke2088]

Oddly enough, even though the sequence with Dyne did have me honestly tearing up, I thought it was more impactful in the original game. It felt like they tried too hard to make it a grand boss fight that they forget to keep it making sense, and I think would have been more fun if they'd kept it a smidge more grounded instead of (SPOILER)*** going all Resident Evil boss fight for no explainable reason ***(SPOILER). And while there's only a few scenes from the original game I actually remember visually vividly, one of those scenes was Barret saying "...my hands ain't any cleaner". I really wish they'd at least kept that line somewhere.

[@chrisdaughen5257]

That RE part of the fight made me think. Even Barrett didn't know how Dyne was doing that. I'm not expecting it, but I wouldn't be surprised if Sephiroth had something to do with it. Had the Ever Crisis guys (who are apparently running Avalanche), into "helping" another Shinra hater that had ties to the FF7 party.

[@maninblack3410]

Bro and the fact that they didn’t add the train quote in the first one. I swear square believes they can make the story better by writing something different but the only reason this game is so good is because ff7 is good. They *don’t* write well anymore, maybe it’s corporate meddling maybe it’s them huffing their own farts, but they just can’t do it.

[@SmashBrosOdyssey64]

I like how it's a common conception that Red is Barret's dog. Abridged has wormed its way into the zeitgeist

[@brianmckee2267]

Talking dog best friend

[@nicklager1666]

Final Fantasy VII and Stellar Blade in a short period of time, this is all good for Yahtz continuing metamorphosis into a anime fan on prom night. Seeing Yahtz infront of paintings made me think of the cover series you did at the place we shall not name.

[@soundrogue4472]

That triggered a memory for me.

[@bad1080]

mighty no.9

[@det.bullock4461]

Not yet, he's still using "manic pixie dream girl" instead of "waifu".

[@loziclec.1295]

I'm really enjoying Rebirth, but everytime I have to slowly climb up a wall, I think to myself "the PS5 has an SSD; it'd literally be faster to loading screen up the wall."

[@Flyon86]

People seem to foam at the mouth now if you have an actual loading screen in a game because it ruins "immersion" or something. I'd rather have a 30 second loading screen than have to push forward while the character very slowly edges forward through a tight crevice.

[@Pholadis]

what if you pressed the button to climb the wall and the game just faded out and faded up to the party being on top of the wall

[@SirCanuckelhead]

The old resident evil opening door loading screen was brilliant.

[@weclock]

Don't forget how slow the Chocobo stop repair process is.

[@TheJadedJames]

Death to loading screens! Squeezing through crevices forever!

[@jacobstair7311]

I noticed the same thing with the battles, and I think it's the enemies. In the first part it seems like you could get by fine just button mashing attack until everything was dead. In Rebirth sometimes they're nearly immune to physical attacks, or you have to hit them a certain way, or with a certain spell, or some characters can damage them easier than others.

[@Id0nthavename]

That walrus sound was precious

[@hairyson94]

Seems almost fitting that Maximilian Dood's final review/thoughts on FF7 Rebirth and Yahtzee's FR were both uploaded to youtube on the same day

[@leithaziz2716]

Inside You There Are Two Wolves:

[@raulrojas9253]

and max was predictable "Love it 10 out 10" While at least yatzee...hmm you know I still don't like it. Can't take Max opinion about FF 7 seriously.

[@palladiamorsdeus]

@@raulrojas9253 Can't trust Doods opinion on ANYTHING Final Fantasy. I don't know if the guy is just easily pleased, a shill, or both but if it has that Final Fantasy name on it he jizzes all over himself.

[@captainpep3]

@@palladiamorsdeus brother you do realize he was critical of FF16?

[@Pholadis]

@@palladiamorsdeus he's said that ff7 is his favorite game of all time and makes no attempt to hide it. he's not a shill, he's just a fan that's heavily biased in favor of ff7

[@JaguarBrakeNerd]

Bless you for using Gwyneth Paltrow as the template for Sephirot. That made my day

[@gogauze]

I knew, in my heart, that Yahtz wouldn't like Rebirth. Conversely, I'm having a lovely time with it. His jabs are still hilarious, though. Swinging for the fences, with Gwyneth Paltrow as Sephiroth, was a literal laugh-out-loud moment.

[@yserareborn]

Honestly, as far as games he didn't like go, this is about as glowing as it gets for him. He admits he enjoyed things and even said parts of the story were well told.

[@andreidikranvasilescu6182]

I'm honestly surprised he didn't go further in on it. Not only are there a million mini games, jimmity cock whatever open world, and other gameplay elements, but they're all so half baked that its clear they were made by hungover developers siloed in different teams who never played a single game that did every one of those mechanics better at some point. Even walking around the world is janky af. He touched on some of this, but I guess the game has its charm that can make you more readily overlook some of it.

[@FFKonoko]

Yeah, this is a reasonable review, and very understandable. Likewise though, having a blast, currently working through hard mode and getting all the extra monsters and such cleared.

[@leithaziz2716]

Bro, my favorite game of all time is The Witcher 3. A game Yatzhee probably thought was bland (in terms of game design, I would hardly call the game an achievement). Sometimes, you just gotta hold your stance and accept you ain't gonna convince everyone to like what you do, for valid or invalid reasons. The real strength is when you take the criticism and still love the game for what it means to you.

[@conor6436]

I mean... he doesn't really LIKE many games now, does he? That's kind of his thing

[@dihyaneverforget5163]

I told Audible Yahtzee sent me and they gave me a surcharge.

[@GrandArchPriestOfTheAlgorithm]

Thank you, I needed someone else to notice that Tifa dresses like a sport dominatrix.

[@colinmckenzie5900]

She's a crossfit coach, which is basically the same thing.

[@Kytetiger]

The synergy system really brought something to the feeling of beeing in a team. In the 1st game, i could just use 1 character during many of the fights. Here there is an incentive to change characters to build atb then do a synergy attack, it's gratifying and create interactions between the characters. Same with the side quest linked to specific team member

[@silvercakes]

Agreed, although in classic Square Enix fashion they did an absolutely shitup job of explaining it and I had no idea how to use Synergies properly for about half the game, playing on Dynamic, until the difficulty caught up with me and I looked it up online. Their UX team really needs to do serious work (both menus and tutorials).

[@rleeton1]

@@silvercakes Yeah kinda agree on this one. Some of the wording on what the utilities of each ability are can be really confusing. Kinda had to just figure those out through trial and error. Super rewarding once I'd got my head around them though. I've only now just found out after completing the game that the descriptions under each ATB command sometimes have a little bar next them signifying how many synergy pips it gives to a character when you use them...

[@chillhour6155]

Squeenix Pissing about: re-queef

[@CassidyBooks]

I had a weird night last night, so seeing this helped brighten my day!😄💖

[@PendragonDaGreat]

Nick, you better approve that tub of Ice Cream!

[@michaeloverton04]

Just showing Gwenyth Paltrow as Sephiroth without even mentioning him caught me so off guard, I'm not sure what I expected when I saw Cloud as a parakeet.

[@PaulDozierZZoMBiE13]

GOOP being Sephiroth literally made me laugh like a hyena. Well done. EDIT- I think this was the funniest Yahtzee video in a while. Not that they aren't all entertaining, mind. Just this one managed to make me laugh out loud at least 3 times. Which is a rarity these days since life sucks and everything is awful. So, you know, thanks for topping up the joy reserve for a few more hours. Perhaps we've staved off my official meltdown for at least another day.

[@EmperorSeth]

The middle part of this game is what I call the Fantasy Road Trip narrative. Not as contrived as the McGuffin Hunt, but at least in that case, you have an overt reason to be at each location. The actual "plot" plot doesn't kick in again until you get to the Ancient Temple in this case, though at least most of the cast gets at least one good character arc. This solidifies me in "old fart" territory, but this is one of the reasons I prefer FF6 to 7. Your primary goal changes every location or two as the plot develops.

[@maninblack3410]

Well you were always chasing “the man in black” in the original and the chase just took you through parts of the world that were important and relevant to your characters. It’s not the tightest motivation, but their goal was to defeat sephiroth so that’s who they were hunting. Somehow they changed that to “follow some disabled people” with no real reason given as to why. We can assume they want to follow them because they’re connected with sephiroth, but they never say it. As a side note they went really really hard on the advent children style of turning anyone who’s a sephiroth clone into sephiroth, when that wasn’t the case in the original. There are two theories, and while the first one is stronger I’ve always liked the second better: either the sephy you chase was jenova wholesale trying to get you to follow her, or he was the one successful sephiroth clone. Cloud was a failure, hojo explicitly says that, all the numbered cloaks were failures, but there was one that may have turned out to be an actual clone.

[@patmurf1]

I love this game and yet, this is exactly what I both expected and wanted Yahtzee's review to be.

[@TheGiggleMasterP]

I'll wait for the third one to come out and play all 3 at once.

[@mateoreyes6921]

I'll just play a modded version of the original, atleast there they did'nt ruined the Aeris death

[@Teddy_L0ve]

I don't think even the most die-hard fan could stomach 250+ hours of this uninterrupted.

[@rd-um4sp]

you underestimate FF fans. They're only slightly better than nintendo fans. Which is not saying much.

[@palladiamorsdeus]

​@@rd-um4spNah, just the core ones. And most of those guys only jumped on ship in XIII. Most of the old crew has left and VII remakes sales numbers reflect that. Some of us have Remake a try and were disgusted so we didn't come back for Rebirth. You are spot on with the remaining fan base though and honestly I think they give the Nintendo crowd a run for their money.

[@Tohlemiach]

@@palladiamorsdeus really bizarre to me how people get so upset at the fact that someone else likes something different. Why the animosity? I absolutely love the Remake project and both games are among my favorites of all time and I enjoy them far more than the original, and I played it when I was like 10 years old about 20 years ago. Where does this "us vs them" mindset come from? Can you not just be happy for people that are enjoying what they consider to be a brilliant recapitulation and expansion of one of their favorite childhood experiences? You don't have to enjoy it yourself, but why the dehumanizing language? Is that really necessary?

[@Marksman3434]

Sephiroth being depicted as Gwyneth Paltrow is killing me (in a good way 🤣)

[@ObeseChess]

I think the beginning of this finally gets at what bothered me about the remakes from an angle I hadn’t considered too closely: at the opening of Rebirth you’ve already found and fought Sephiroth, so now you’re just going through the motions.

[@robertridley-fj8zz]

Nice to see the very much missed Frank Sidebottom making a cameo.

[@jlan7844]

Well, Yuffie (AKA Kooky Ninja Girl) WAS a fan favorite of the original FF7. At least to those who managed to find her. She was originally an optional secret unlock in FF7, which is why her transition to full team member was so convoluted in Rebirth. Its an homage to the crazy unlock conditions (involving, but not limited to, random encounters on certain map tiles and specific dialogue choices) needed to recruit her in the original.

[@michaeljohnson6905]

They should've let her remain as optional instead of the garbage "homage" that is just annoying

[@Glamador]

I am reminded once again that Geralt's side adventures were a fun way to make connective tissue between rounds of Gwent. I wonder sometimes why that didn't get its own game, but I really just needed it as an excuse to find new opponents and cards, so I didn't mind.

[@Flood520]

Is Thronebreaker not just an all-Gwent game?

[@Soulspeed68]

Is that a joke? There were like 3 Gwent games.

[@KeithFraser82]

You can play Gwent as a mobile game.

[@Neon002121]

If this version of Sephiroth started selling crystals or alternative health products, I’d be interested!

[@musicalbacon2]

This is probably my favorite episode of the new series so far. Great job everyone

[@jacobweeks777]

Yeah, the editing was particularly on point

[@SpellboundTutor]

I mean, you mentioned that Barrett scene and it wasn't the strongman in a red cape that pulled me out of it. It was the scene right before that which gave me tonal whiplash so hard it almost snapped my goddamn neck.

[@NN010]

I have to agree. By the time the strongman showed up, the ridiculous mech boss fight with a stun mechanic involving a fat corporate executive waving his butt at you had already well and truly undermined the emotional weight of that Barrett scene. Shame given how well done said Barrett scene was and how frustrating the mech fight was.

[@awtodor]

I'm always confused by this take because it's meant to have tonal whiplash with palmer. The whole point Dyne death makes is that Shinra will keep coming and their plight against Shinra is insignificant and will be forgotten by an ice cream cone by those at the top of Shinra.

[@silvercakes]

@@awtodor I got that and assumed it was at least somewhat intentional, I'm just mad about it. Would've helped if the party acknowledge it in some way to guide the tone. As is, it felt spliced, like some content got copy-pasted into the wrong part of the game.

[@devilmikey00]

I've seen it said in another comment section but it was bang on. This feels much more like a Yakuza game than a ffvii game. It's so chocked full of side stuff in every single area where it feels more like the side stuff is the main stuff.

[@billmore6486]

Ff used to be all about silly mini games in ps1 ps2 era

[@devilmikey00]

​@@billmore6486sure it had them but they were usually a small part of a much larger adventure and could easily be ignored. Here, much like Yakuza, the game gives you decent tangible rewards for doing all this side stuff. It's EVERYWHERE and it's practically begging you to just ignore the forward progress of the plot. The plot feels positively secondary through large chunks of the game.

[@Indiscrimi]

It was seeing Cloud the parakeet siezuring on the floor that did it for me.

[@elhazthorn918]

It's been years, and I STILL can't believe they split the game apart like this.

[@TonyTheTGR]

.hack did this on PS2 first, so this is actually a remake of a demake

[@The2econd3vil3xes]

3:34 "...in the sense that Nicolas Cage is a good actor. It's only true about half the time." THANK YOU, FINALLY SOMEONE WITH SENSE

[@BigFatOfFate]

Yeah, people praise Nicolas just a bit too much.

[@Kalatash]

How dare you question the capabilities of Cage.

[@sarahleonard7309]

And now I have the Inspector Gadget theme song stuck in my head. Thanks a lot Yahtzee!

[@superjew837]

Thank you for confirming whether this one is 2 or 3

[@XainRussell]

Oh thank god someone else thought there was an obscene over abundance of Mini games.

[@chrisdaughen5257]

It was done to make up for the lack of them in FF16. That game was a desert compared to Rebirth.

[@kevingriffith6011]

5:24 You heard him, Modders. You know what to do.

[@Zenn_Chan]

I've never heard someone describe Tifa as a "Crossfit themed dominatrix" and yet I can't think of a better description for her attire.

[@claytonrios1]

This game takes such a long time to get through that I'm fine with this review being in freaking April!

[@Mr_Muda_Himself]

Can’t wait for Final Fantasy VII Revamped, Revitalization and lastly regression

[@Vanta_Blue]

Don't forget Retirement and Return. Possibly followed by Reimagined, Restored, and Rewound.

[@tornadoawe]

Revive, Restart, Renew, Read-this-please-this-is-a-cry-for-help. Maybe they're taking a page from Atlus and only releasing FF XVII when they remake VII, XVI times.

[@Alottapenisjokes]

There's even more! FF 7 Resuscitated, Reestablished, Reloaded, Regurgitated, Resold and finally, Rest in Piece

[@FFKonoko]

All these, and noone said the actual final part, reunion. 😅

[@Vanta_Blue]

Reunion is after Rest-In-Piece though, so that checks out.

[@MisterVercetti]

To give you an idea of just how much Squeenix plans on milking this thing for all it's worth, remember that the OG FFVII was a three-disc game. Then realize that we're two parts into the remake and _we're still not even at the end of the first disc yet._

[@reed3863]

Facts. And they've been milking the FF7 franchise a lot already

[@Centrioless]

Most plot was in disc one tho. In disc 2, it's mostly the open world thing. Disc 3 is only for final fight

[@saltyk9869]

They have long since said it would be three parts. Half the reason the OG needed three discs was the extremely long cut scene at the end of the game.

[@geoffreywilson7008]

The third disc was half ramp up to fighting Sephiroth, and half Knights of the Round and train animations for during the fight with him.

[@DavidFostertheFirst]

Its a trilogy, one game left. The three disks had nothing to do with game length, the entire game is on all three disks (a fact speedrunners are well acquainted with). It was because of the huge filesize of the FMVs that it had to be split up.

[@keyblader007]

I was at a loss for now Zero Punctuation when I saw this pop up on a twitter post and found out what happened. Glad to see you are back in a new form. I gotta catch up with these new ZP types now lol.

[@dogryme6]

Yahtzee's funniest review hands down. I've never seen him hit it off so well just talking about a remake.

[@odothedoll2738]

The phrase “K-pop Data from Star Trek” will haunt me for the rest of the day.

[@snakething87]

Whenever I see those yellow ledges in games nowadays, I flash back to LoZ Majora’s Mask where you have to climb an invisible ladder maze that you can only see using an item that drains your magic.

[@bricken10]

Back when most games were good out of necessity because they couldn't just be patched later. And the ones that were bad sank their company for the next 30 years.

[@baronvonbeandip]

Surprised Sephiroth didn't intervene in the making of this video.

[@cherminatorDR]

Already bought it! Damn, that was a long wait for the last book in the trilogy!

[@christiandecoster6132]

Man I love Final Fantasy 7 Party

[@lucystoole4355]

Wow that was lack luster even by the usual Yahtzee final fantasy standards

[@Number9Robotic]

"I enjoyed this game more than the predecessor and the original" is pretty above standard to me lol

[@SicParvisMagna123]

The nature of that end joke seems very reminiscent of how older Zero Punctuation reviews used to finish.

[@fieryphoenix82]

Using a cockatiel's head for Cloud has got to be the greatest FF joke anyone has ever come up with.

[@syelallouch]

When they finally finish all of the remake six games from now, I wonder if they'll release a single compilation game with all of them stuck together. How many discs would that need, I wonder?

[@steppenhenge]

just one, made of paper, with a download code on it.

[@stevethepocket]

@@steppenhenge And about three PS5s worth of SSDs to install it.

[@Dhlamedia]

Looks like the Yakuza blueprint on FF7:Rebirth hasn't quite won Yathzee over.

[@weclock]

Yakuza is a significantly better game in every area compared to FF7: Rebirth

[@Tylericous]

@@weclockboth are great

[@hinasakukimi]

@@weclock how so?

[@davehughes7523]

I mean…he’s actually made me want to play this more than I was already hyped about 😂

[@goldenfiberwheat238]

2:25 reminds me of how in the family guy episode where Brian dies after he gets hit by the car and is lying on the pavement all mangled up a squirrel walks up and spits on him and says “hated that guy”

[@calebbraun9505]

Clearly this part of the remake was inspired by the Yakuza games

[@lipeckih]

Materia setup switching being a hassle is particularly bizzarre since the original game had an automated menu button that did it for you. In fact, everything materia related has been screwed up beyond recognition. Square's insistence on reinventing the bicycle for each project instead of looking back and iterating on the parts that worked in their previous releases is infuriating.

[@jackleith3502]

The fact you had Frank Sidebottom’s paper mache head as Manic Pixy Dream Girl #2’s face is a true testament to Yahtzee’s upbringing as a British child of the 80s 😅

[@thewhorocks515]

I love that Cloud is a Cockatiel

[@Herrikias]

Every fart is the tune of good fortune, delivering a whiff of all our hopes and dreams.

[@Elesario]

Fun to see Frank Sidebottom joining the crew... he's missed.

[@TaranAlvein]

4:08 - Wait, swapping their Materia around? Did the remakes not keep the Exchange system, which lets you just swap Materia 1-to-1 with another party member?

[@violentoutburststudios8897]

I myself remember hating Queen's blood when it was introduced, then being forced to play it for a side quest. Then, when I got the hang of it, I both liked and hated playing it

[@FFKonoko]

As someone that played the hell out of triple triad, I was all about that stuff the moment I saw it. The survival modes were a bit tough, since they need a different strategy but overall was great, including the boss fight. Wish there were more of the puzzles though.

[@TheLoneTerran]

@@FFKonoko Triple Triad was pretty dope.

[@smallbar2012]

Gwyneth Paltrow Sephiroth is absolutely inspired.

[@maxwellsterling]

The partial squat reminds me of a trend that existed when I was growing up where women took pictures doing a collective partial squat because standing straight was too normal or something, so they collectively decided to be different at the exact same time and in the exact same way.

[@mrpetielicious5861]

Bout to finish the latest Jacques McKeown novel. Top notch mate, well done.

[@deltasceptile7805]

I'm so glad he referred to Yuffie as Manic Pixie Dream Girl C, and not jailbait. I always get annoyed when people talk about Yuffie being underaged.

[@maninblack3410]

Uhh… 👀

[@Krigalishnikov]

As a fan of the original, the parts that Yahtzee complained about are the ones I'm excited to play.

[@marcelofeijao8411]

The fact that Cloud is a Cockatiel's head made me laugh so hard and I just can't unsee it now!

[@alexandermason-sx2og]

The circus strongman in a cape is Dio, and he was just as fucking wild in the PS1 version. They just didn’t have the graphics to portray him as the eyeball searing monster he is

[@Ahdok1]

I always felt that the plot of -most- final fantasy games leaves you wondering what the character's actual plan is... sometimes you have a goal, but no idea how to accomplish it, and sometimes you know what you're doing, but you have no idea why. In the moment it can be hard to notice, because you're ricocheting from one dramatic set piece to the next like a pinball, and that's very distracting... but if I ever sit down and think to myself "so where are we going and why again?" I'm left with very little to hold onto. The majority of the original FF7 has me this way, especially the middle. We need to find Sephiroth... for some reason maybe... but we have no idea where he is, and no direction or goal other than "well there's more unexplored areas that way" Weirdly, FFX is the one game in the series where I never had that feeling. While I didn't really like most of the characters, I DID know what they were trying to do and *why* for about 90% of the game - and so did all of the characters. Except Tidus, who's excuse is that he's an idiot.

[@tatltael2266]

Padded. Not huge, padded. It barely has story content in it at all and what there is constantly contradicts itself or inserts pole holes they don't care to correct or address because "look at the pretty graphics".

[@garywood97]

I absolutely loved this game, but I do think it really needs to say on the box, in big red letters "YOU MUST PLAY THE ORIGINAL TO UNDERSTAND THIS CRAP"

[@sarafontanini7051]

oh yeah, more people need to now this isn't a REPLACEMENT for the original and you really ned to play the original game to get the full experience

[@weclock]

I'll be honest, I did play the original and a lot of this crap still doesn't make any sense. Why are we throwing boxes as Cait Sith when we have a man with a gun arm?

[@DeadMech1]

@@weclock Gotta do something to make the new guy on the team feel valuable.

[@lieberte]

you don't tho. My friends played it without playing OG and enjoyed it. Just had an extra sense of mystery to it

[@matthewmuir8884]

Yeah. I bought FF7Remake because I thought a remake of FF7 would be a great starting point; instead, I got a weird timeline-sequel-reimagining game that may as well have held up a big neon sign saying, "Come back after you've played FF7!"

[@sonfoku73]

I like how he describes yuffie as manic pixie dream girl when she's more focused and crazy than either of the two

[@duckedcookie]

Shame he didn't finish the game. Would've loved to hear his thoughts on the ending