Finding Hope for Your Desperate Marriage - Gary Chapman Part 1

No marriage is beyond hope and restoration, no matter how desperate the situation. Dr. Gary Chapman discusses reality living, busting some of the myths of marriage such as people cannot change and unhappy marriages are hopeless. He suggests that while you’re not able to change your spouse, you can change your own behavior which could positively influence your spouse.
He examines different marital situations from irresponsibility, workaholism, and depression to control, addiction, infidelity, domestic violence, and abuse, offering practical help and hope to spouses. With God’s help, you can have a strong, peaceful marriage.
You can find his book on our store here: bit.ly/2JtXm5E
Need help with your marriage? Learn more about Hope Restored, a marriage intensive experience from Focus on the Family: bit.ly/2ojJNLN

[@candyphillipchipopa7879]

I wish many people could search these videos and watch and learn....🙏

[@zelskidan]

Thank you, so much for sharing these life changing truths.!

[@saraobeid647]

yessss I pray it reaches out to many families..it is truly blessed..I was really influenced

[@dalisajules585]

Me too girl

[@hagar3842]

Asking for prayers. My heart is grieving...that I feel overwhelmed. I just want to do God's will.... but hubby seems to focus on self...on the outside he is following Jesus but i sense that there's a lot of unsurrendered part of his life...

[@billherrick3569]

Marriage is a covenant not a contract; Its not based on the performance of the other person. Bless those that curse you and pray for those who persecute you.

[@brianlopez3883]

interesting points ,if anyone else is searching for ways to improve a marriage try Bablim Relationship Booster (do a search on google ) ? Ive heard some incredible things about it and my cousin got excellent results with it.

[@granmabern5283]

Marriage is a social contract AND a covenant

[@katreuth]

This is so true and I think so many people forget this.

[@richardkwabenakonadu7583]

May God bless and prolong your life Mr. Chapman for you to continue to be a blessing to the world. You have really influence my life positively. I love you sir

[@phammy2652]

I always wish this channel has subtitle so I can understand the talk better. I hope your messages can reach to more people who are not English native speakers. Thank you for the great video.

[@jayrocky9067]

Me and my wife have been separated for a year and a half now.. we were together for 14 years.. we have to kids.. I made my mistakes.. I cheated.. I was controlling.. I didn’t know how to communicate gently with my wife.. My wife doesn’t want to be controlled she says.. she isn’t a saint either.. she’s very selfish and a work work woman and really only cares about her feelings.. times I tried to sit down a talk about our feelings and past issues she really wasn’t on board.. she’s the type of woman that rather push issues to the side and not deal with them.. I want to deal with them and work on them and through them.. she just has so much hurt and anger that she doesn’t want to deal with.. I gave my life to Jesus Christ and I’m just praying and trying to do everything I can to show her that it’s worth it to get help and fight for our family. I admit my wrongs.. I take my blame.. but she doesn’t seem to understand that she hurt me as well.. We truly love each other.. we truly get along and are a great couple when past hurts or anger doesn’t get in the way

[@ShadaeMastersAstrology]

How are things going now in your marriage @Jayrocky? I can totally understand everything that you’ve expressed here in your comment. It’s my husband and I’s 10th anniversary in 8 days and things are rough. It’s been quite a challenge yet I do want to work through the issues. Emotions just makes things complicated because they build after so many years and I think in many relationships one partner is more avoidant towards issues than the other. I pray that you and your wife were able to come together and works things through. 🙏🏾 🌸

[@randystephenson3024]

heaping shame on the abused.

[@TheNilda437]

Been married for 40 plus years and we have drifted apart so bad it hurts

[@DoloresJRush]

I'm trying to understand the language of grace for the all the relationships in my life, not just in my marriage. I may have to watch this video over again as I am trying to absorb all the great ideas that are flooding my mind. Thank you for the video message that I can watch over again. :)

[@lenpadua931]

I praise God for this program. I need this. Thank you for my sister who introduce this to me. 😊☺️😀😄❤️

[@iamdisciple9233]

thank you for this topic as ive been struggling with my marriage.....i mistakes and will continue however prayers and testifying to others how God's mercy and grace can help through this difficult moment....i will overcome this too. In Jesus name

[@delindasmith5993]

Often time we’ll meaning churches and leaders don’t understand what is really going on in troubled marriages. Depending on what you are dealing with, I recommend you listen to Lysa Terkeurst.

[@Voices_in_Heaven]

Thank you, Gary and Jim 🙏

[@genesebelius4466]

Your amazing Gary!!!!

[@steevansingarayer1127]

Its amazing how we can help the families to have a happier life

[@sallybyrd3712]

Generalization that marriages start having difficulties after two years; mine basically ended after three weeks but unfortunately I did not leave at that point.

[@anneandersen1797]

This is so needed right now, I passed it on

[@joannechang4896]

Very helpful ❤

[@monicawaithera3597]

Lerning to listen can be learned

[@artross1827]

I thought I married a wonderful Christian. I fell in love because of her heart and we married. No one cheated or there was never fights but I’m sure I angered her through things I found out after one year of marriage. I was asked to leave and I’m hurting because I really want to find healing. It’s really misunderstanding that has caused this. We have shared a devotional life every morning to the day I was asked to leave. We read and prayed with each other. It’s hard to believe that she came to that decision

[@laurieannJake]

There’s got to be something under there

[@artross1827]

@@laurieannJake my pastor saw her in church Sunday and asked if we could go to counseling she said no. I guess the vows we exchanged meant nothing sadly. Oh how I wish I could rebuild our relationship. I know it was one that lasted 17 months but I still love her. Thought she was a real Christian lady

[@ShadaeMastersAstrology]

@@artross1827 Your wife approached you one day and asked you to leave without any previous contentions whatsoever? Not one previous argument spanning in the time frame of hours, days, weeks or months? You still don’t have answers?

[@artross1827]

Sadly I’ve never heard back from her.

[@ShadaeMastersAstrology]

@@artross1827 Wow that’s horrible. The longer I live the more I’m realizing how broken people act in ways that are very self serving. You can love someone very deeply and them not value you which is hurtful. Times have certainly changed and cultural values such as community, family and marriage are shifting. There’s no telling in your ex’s mind what her reasons were for leaving nevertheless I believe that everyone deserves closure and it’s terrible she didn’t provide you with at least answers to why. I hope you find love and are able to heal and trust again. Look out for similar traits in the future because we have a way of seeking similar personality traits in our mates. Wish you the best 💗

[@michaelallanscottharrison8679]

I am separated from my wife at the moment. I am praying for reconciliation. Can I still apply this

[@silverlopez4116]

Do you still want her back?

[@lovelfefernandez249]

same situation here..my husband choose his second mistress and he is supported by her mother in his wrongdoing,no support to me and also to our daughters..I am asking for forgiveness,reconciliation and second chances to start again but he refused. :( 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💜

[@ruthelator]

Being married to someone who has habits that create an extremely chaotic and stressful living environment, who WILL NOT change, who WILL NOT do counseling. I believe it's hopeless. His extremely messy lifestyle is not acceptable to me. He's at home, doing a part time home-based business, while I go to work full time. I'm tired at the end of the day. Also, he shows total indifference being with me. It doesn't matter to him whether I'm there with him or not, at home or going out. He spends most of his time in his office/cave. He shows total indifference to me romantically and sexually. For a very long time. He doesn't join me in church, small group, or leisure outings (unless I choose to join him in his activities - his music gigs or wine tasting at the liquor store). I have no hope that things will change.

[@fenopy333]

Hi Ruth. You might find this book helpful: kzbin.info/www/bejne/h5m0lql6rdemoK8 The Five Love Languages, by Dr. Gary Chapman

[@gratitude5740]

Mine was tidy but the rest sounds like your husband. Waited for a change. It was getting worse like. It speaking to me for 7 months. I felt unloved . He said there was no love. Would not go for counceling . I requested to split up .

[@Soliloquy1972]

I hope you have gotten out of that marriage. I'm sorry you were treated so poorly.

[@Jessica-oi6sw]

Right now, I am post partum for 3 yrs. My husband has become depressed and I have no idea how to get us out of this situation. I am totally positive in my attitude toward him but it just feels like it isn't working. We do not even sleep in the same bed or room he sleeps by himself and I sleep with my 2 daughters. I do not know what to do or find an answer to our problem. Thank you for letting me unload all of this.

[@silverlopez4116]

Do you still want him back

[@Jessica-oi6sw]

@@silverlopez4116 oh yes!!

[@silverlopez4116]

@@Jessica-oi6sw text me on WhatsApp let discuss I we tell you more about it

[@granmabern5283]

Jessica Piercy your husband must love you because he is still there. Please consider natural remedies for depression, as well as finding out if you have physical causes like lack of iron. I will pray for you.

[@Jessica-oi6sw]

@@granmabern5283 thank you ❤

[@helenamartens4837]

I understand that depression part if people tell you, you need Jesus you need this or you need that that hurts even more For it. It’s wrong. Well what do you do then? I am pretty sure eventually you will die physically, as well as mentally. I have been in a roller coaster that was not easy. I don’t see a doctor that took me almost a year until he got me out of it. I am very very thankful for doctors that care about when you’re depressed.

[@ranimanjunath7629]

Can anyone tell me how does it feel to be in love, coz I have lost the spark in my relationship and internet gives irrelevant answers, what is love exactly?? I wud be delighted if anyone replied to my doubt :)

[@fenopy333]

Hi. One thing i have learned and realized in the last few months, is that a cold, conscious, determined decision has the ability to affect the emotions, but not necessarily overnight. I believe love is a decision, a continual decision to stand by, cherish and give yourself for your spouse, and it's made everyday. If we will always look for the butterfly feelings, we will notice that the butterflies actually do fly away occasionally, depending on the prevailing atmosphere or energy in the marriage. So, to answer you, love probably is the satisfying, confidence-giving and reassuring feeling we get when our spouse appreciates and reciprocates the love we give them. But the feeling, generally, isn't available everyday. :)

[@lucas-vm9br]

Love is a choice. Sparks will leave so do not base it on that.

[@ranimanjunath7629]

@@fenopy333 thank you so much for telling, so all the make their relationship work in such, even when the spark is gone??

[@ranimanjunath7629]

@@lucas-vm9br but when i ask my friends who are in relationship for almost 4 years and so, they tell they are always excited to talk to their boyfriend/girlfriend, and they tell they never lost the spark, no matter what fight/ stuggles they both have gone through, they never lost the excited feelings. its just im confused, being a 21 year old, not realizing what love is, is reallly frustrating.

[@granmabern5283]

Rani Manjunath your friends might be talking about different excitements... like if they are fighting and almost breaking up then making peace maybe they have some excitement but it is an artificially obtained excitement...unhealthy. Others will get perverted in bed to “ excite”... If you are married, it is normal to become calmer overall. The butterflies come back from time to time, and you can create joy in your relationship which is better than “ sparks”...

[@victoriainnerd7020]

Can you talk about verbal abuse please words and in your face accusations the blame game !! Thanks blessings a wife of a an who feels unloved and always wanting me to go into councilling!!

[@angelalaurel5329]

My husband is verbally and emotionally abusive

[@sarahconley8541]

Why is Focus on the Family making it appear that Gary Chapman is a therapist? He has a degree in Adult Education. Pretending to be a doctor is a crime.

[@dianairaheta1712]

So many things wrong with this segment, uuuuufffffffff

[@delindasmith5993]

This is dangerous teaching for spouses that are in abusive marriages. The workaholic husband in this scenario ( as with all abusers) project their sinful behaviors onto their victims. Someone's behavior will never change, as long as they blame someone else for their behavior. Providing excuses for narcissism causes the sin to grow. Exposing the sin, and bringing it to light is what we are required to do according to scripture. Rationalizing it is dangerous.

[@csandst1]

This advice isn’t meant for abusive relationships. That should have been stated at the beginning of the interview. Part 2 of the interview addresses abuse.

[@YoSlay2470]

Well that was a lack of wisdom on their part. They may have lost many abused spouses from viewing the other videos.

[@Soliloquy1972]

These men just publicly admitted that have engaged in abusive behavior in their marriages. WHY is anyone listening to them? They need to SIT DOWN and have someone teach THEM. They should not be teaching anyone. Enough is enough.

[@jennriedy6626]

Dr. Gary Chapman is not a counselor (at least not licensed)...why does he allow Jim Daly to identify him as one?

[@Soliloquy1972]

Jim Daly has admitted to lying to get donations. He is not an honest person.

[@ShadaeMastersAstrology]

Counselor in religion is like an elder advising others in the faith vs secular licensed therapist. The definition of the word counselor isn’t strictly a licensed therapist.

[@bryanb30]

Common rule of wisdom do not tell women one’s problems if one wants to maintain respect!