Finding my father: What are the rights of a donor-conceived child? | Australian Story

Lauren Burns fought tooth and nail to find her anonymous sperm donor father. Subscribe: bit.ly/3nO2CDi
She was then instrumental in campaigning for world-first retrospective legislation to give all donor-conceived children in Victoria the right to identify their donor, irrespective of anonymity promises made in the past.
Seven years after Australian Story first profiled Lauren, she is back campaigning again, fearing the achievements she and other donor-conceived children made are being wound back by the Victorian government.
Now, as she steps into parenthood for the first time, she finds herself haunted by the past.
#AustralianStory #LaurenBurns #IVF
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About Australian Story: Putting the "real" back into reality television, Australian Story is an award-winning documentary series with no narrator and no agendas - just authentic stories told entirely in people's own words. Take 30 minutes to immerse yourself in the life of an extraordinary Australian. They're sometimes high profile, sometimes controversial, but always compelling. It’s television guaranteed to make you think and feel. New episodes are available every Monday.

[@ABCNewsIndepth]

Watch more Australian Story episodes over on our playlist 👉 kzbin.info/aero/PLDTPrMoGHssDzqF7spxT_VH3Zd266tSEp

[@tFER998]

These young people are a true inspiration. The adult centric system needs to change.

[@mateaukalua4426]

I am so glad I know both parents.

[@taliabraver]

Me to what a nightmare

[@taliabraver]

Me too

[@jadebonus1474]

The ABC actually did a Four Corners special on this in 1979 featuring my parents who were in the process of conceiving me. I always knew my provenance and never had a burning desire to find my donor. I know my experience is unique and I respect that other donor conceived children do wish to have this information. This is such a nuanced situation because I feel that while donor's privacy does need to be protected, I would be lying if I said I wouldn't be interested to know more about my genetic history. It would be great if, moving forward, this information was available for donor conceived children.

[@gwokstar]

You should contact VARTA if you’re in Victoria, or consider doing a DNA test. You absolutely do have the right to be curious and to reach out, and if someone else wishes to remain private they can. But asking for information is NOT a breach of their privacy.

[@mysteryuser7062]

I agree with this 100%. Donor’s privacy absolutely deserves more respect than to suddenly be exposed when they were told they’d be anonymous. However, a medical profile of every donor and a list of any significant medical instances would be nice (even if real name is withheld for privacy). As a donor in the US myself, I have told mothers that I will not contact the donor conceived children if they want me to remain a mystery. However, I only want to be contacted when and if the child decides they are ready to contact me. Personally, I rather hope that I am contacted in the future, because in a sense, the person conceived was once a part of me, even though I didn’t raise them like a real parent does

[@Uber1937]

No a la compra de óvulos. No son padres. La naturaleza no es un juego.

[@Uber1937]

​@@mysteryuser7062 Sabías a lo que te exponías. Padre es lo que dice la naturaleza, genética. El niño, te buscará, no puede evitarlo. ¿A ti quién te ha dicho que todos los padres son buenos, acaso, lo son los hijos? ¿Si un hijo es malo, deja de ser tu hijo? Las pruebas genéticas otorgan la paternidad a un hombre, porque lo es. Jugar a ser Dios, tiene consecuencias.

[@src186]

IM adopted and because my parents were honest from me being very young I have no desire to search. Different I know but similar also

[@myresponsesarelimited7895]

I wish we were more humane and selfless given all the babies already born and in need of able caring parents.

[@MsLouisez]

There is really very little adoption outside the family unit is Aus though. We have very tight laws on this (which were enacted post review of the stolen generation). The main option in Aus are fostering, OS adoption, or donation.

[@myresponsesarelimited7895]

@@MsLouisez yeah I get that mate, still seems a shame, taking kids will always be wrong, but providing good care and loving homes to children in need should be the only real issue, it's a shame in this day age, a child in need is a child in need, maybe I'm wrong- just my opinion- but race and colour shouldn't even come into it.

[@MsLouisez]

@@myresponsesarelimited7895 I agree with you 😊 adoption should be an option. We have many kids who would benefit in Aus. The opposite view (which is where the law stands) kids shouldn't get taken away permanently. Even if mum is in jail and dad is absentee the kids (even if you could argue the child would be better off) they will stil be placed with a relative or foster until someone in the family is able to look after the child again. Outside family adoptions are super rare in Australia. (Nothing to do with race, or colour etc). Then there is a debate on who should/or deserves a bio child. hetro couples who can have kids - should they adopt instead/is it selfish to want your own bio child? (The same debate can be had for infertile couples, gay couples, successful singles, hetro one night stands, hetro domestic violence - who should be a parent - what is the best interest of the child?).

[@myresponsesarelimited7895]

@@MsLouisez I always try and think with my head, but I'd be lying if I said my heart never entered this discussion, in my heads defense- I argue as much as possible from a starting point of necessity, in that these children already exist so ultimately something must be done for them, I have to admit I'm somewhat biased aswel, my 2 siblings and I were adopted and we have 2 stepsisters ...actually that's a family joke amongst us all - I actually have 3 stepsisters😁 sorry I digress You raised alot of very compelling arguments, it's not selfish to want progeny- that's probably an evolutionary compulsion, but perspective is everything, on face value- definitely not selfish... considering a child in need through no fault of it's own which already exists ...in my opinion that definitely becomes a very moot point, I'm a NZ native, we are tribal people, in my culture it is definitely selfish to put your own wants above the good of tribe or community in the present sense. Concerning all those other scenarios you mentioned- again I feel the need and right of the child to have a loving caring family environment trumps all other issues, I have no problem with same sex couples being parents, or racially mixed families, that being said - there are definitely people who shouldn't be parents, ...I'd like to see a world where all men are sterilised, if you want a child? - you apply for a licence, they means test you to make sure you can afford it, and psychologically evaluate you to make sure you're mentally stable, emotionally equipped, and smart enough to understand the gravity of situation your trying to get into, upon passing all these tests and perhaps others which are necessary but my limited intelligence failed to comprehend.... your given the magic injection to temporarily reverse the sterility until conception, I'm not a smart man, I totally realise that's a flight of fancy, .....but as long as there's babies with nobody to love them, take care of them, and teach them to be good human being's and productive members of society- then in my personal opinion (which I realise doesn't mean anything) ....wanting to create more babies is definitely selfish ...again- just my opinion.

[@andreavalentinaperez2734]

@@MsLouisez No one "deserves" a bio child.

[@HecticJojo]

The Donors are still entitled to their privacy though. There surely has to be a middle ground.

[@tektako]

Pls explain the ‘middle ground’ for a child wishing to avoid marrying a sibling

[@leopardprints]

@@tektako Exactly. The donor made a choice, the DC conceived child had no say in this. It's so wrong to create a child and then have nothing to do with them. Surely this is a human rights issue?

[@sarahharris2729]

Donors maybe should learn some things in life are sacred afterall....

[@mysteryuser7062]

@@leopardprints I’m a donor myself in the US, but you also have to understand that it’s not the donor’s right to inject themselves into the recipient family’s lives. They have every right to raise their child as they see best fit. Donors similarly have that same right, but medical history should be mandatory (preferably with names withheld for privacy unless specified allowed). For myself, I have specified that I will not contact unless contacted by the child when they deem themselves ready to contact me. That way, I’m hands off so the mother gets to have her family in private and I still be available for contact by child’s decision

[@mysteryuser7062]

@@tektako Medical records should be available without disclosing anonymous donor identity, but DNA testing makes this difficult anyways

[@adriannepeterson6347]

I feel their pain- as an adopted child, identity discovery is hinged on biological parents being on an the adoption contact register where the child was born. And then the child, now adult, relies on the biological parent(s) willingness to connect and then share vital medical history, heritage and background honestly

[@Uber1937]

Tienes derecho a saber quiénes son tus padres y demás familia. Ese derecho te lo da la naturaleza. Busca en las páginas de ADN.

[@taliabraver]

Maybe they dont want to be found.

[@naia-gl2nf]

@@taliabraver Their feelings are irrelevant.

[@taliabraver]

True@@naia-gl2nf

[@CrazyAnimeGamer2]

​@@naia-gl2nfThe hell they are. As long as you have needed medical history, leave them alone.

[@Dallazzallad]

I’m astounded by the number of people in the comments who seem unable to grasp that in reproducing you *always* incur a moral responsibility to the child that you help bring into the world. If you are not open to being contacted by donor-conceived children, you should not donate. And as a recipient you should only use donors that are open to being contacted. Otherwise you are, in my opinion, simply immoral. For though *you* may think that genetic heritage and blood-relations are not important, others feel very differently about it, and their valuation is also clearly valid. By the way, in my country, Sweden, it has been the law since 1985 that all donor-conceived children have the right to know who their biological mother/father is. I’m glad if the rest of the world is catching up to the importance of this.

[@TheAayize]

WELL SAID !!!!! 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼

[@grimmc5706]

If you use the sperm of someone who doesn’t want to be contacted you should know they don’t want to be contacted

[@raslalique]

I'm astounded by the people who cannot see others perspective on an issue. Donors, especially in the early days, thought the children would be raised in a loving home and they would have no responsibility to them. There is nothing immoral about that. lots of families are stable and full of love without a blood connection. Life grants us all sad conundrums that we must navigate.

[@jenfoster128]

Which is why everyone in Sweden heads to Denmark or the Czech Republic for treatment where there are plenty of donors. It doesn't solve the problem it just pushes into another country so you can feel morally superior.

[@86Framer]

@@jenfoster128The donor shortage is because legions of millennial women can’t make a relationship work and become SMBC’s instead and when banks can’t use a single reliable sperm donor to conceive 60, 80, or 100 plus children like they used to do. No one wants a ridiculous amount of half siblings.

[@raslalique]

I understand the children's perspective but I feel bad for the donors too. Some signed up to offer help and wished to be anonymous. To have a person contact you out of the blue (probably with the need for an emotional connection) is a heavy burden. There needs to be a middle ground. I wished the documentary showed all perspectives. I'd like to hear from donors who wished to remain anonymous too

[@TheAayize]

No, you shouldn’t feel bad for the donors. Donors know exactly what they are doing when they donate and they need to accept what’s expected when a human is created.. Humans are going to have a natural inclination to discover where they come from… if someone isn’t able to handle the repercussions that come with CREATING A HUMAN then why help create a human at all?? Your not just donating your blood. YOUR MAKING A PERSON. Furthermore.. Anonymous donating is HIGHLY unethical!! Every person deserves to know who they come from and it shouldn’t be hidden or a secret. Let’s stop right there

[@raslalique]

@@TheAayize Oh but I get to feel and think whatever I want so *you* stop right there. Life is complicated and while it would be simpler if we all agreed, it would leave many thoughts and opinions behind as we follow the crowd.

[@smallbeginning2]

@@TheAayize who died and left you in charge of everyone's thoughts and feelings?

[@TheAayize]

@@smallbeginning2 have you ever asked a donor conceived person what are their thoughts and feelings? My thoughts mirror theirs

[@grimmc5706]

@@TheAayize they planned never to contact them only to help people have kids they don’t want to be family

[@cim888]

Quite frankly I would love to denote and help people conceive and share the enjoy/misery of parenthood as I know all to well. But if I knew that someday I or my family could be contacted against my wishes than that would be a deal breaker for me. I want to be selfless but I also need to be selfish for my family's wishes as well.

[@86Framer]

People aren’t merchandise. Also donor anonymity has been dead and buried for years now because of cheap and extremely popular ancestry testing.

[@someone3187]

Your family can't be contacted just like that. It would be you who they'd ask first if you would be interested in meeting, so, the conceived child can get some answers about their family history. It doesn't meant that you have to keep up the relationship if you're opposed to it, but wouldn't you be curious to meet a very close blood relative of yours?

[@dinkster1729]

@@someone3187 Lots of people aren't. Lots of mothers who gave up babies for adoption don't want to meet that baby when it's an adult. They want to keep a negative experience from their past buried.

[@someone3187]

@@dinkster1729 Donating isn't something negative or traumatising. So, many donors don't mind meeting their donor children. There is a choice. ID release, or anonymous donor. Regarding the mother's: among those who had been forced to give up their babies as young girls tend to be happy to finally meet their lost child.

[@dinkster1729]

@@someone3187 If the donor thought he'd just get the 10 bucks and run, he probably isn't too happy to meet up with the product of his donation many years later. Or might not be. And what if the child was expecting someone great and found someone who was a liar--everybody who gives sperm does not tell the truth about their background, you know. In this case, the donation fit right in, but in other cases, there might be a bit of a shock, right?

[@crazynightboy5430]

I have so much respect for the donor-conceived and I'm so glad the children have a right now to meet the donor or to at least have contact with them! I am a donor myself and If any of them reached out my door would be open and lunch and dinners and even trips would be on me

[@Uber1937]

Claro, son tus hijos. La naturaleza no es un juego.

[@naia-gl2nf]

Thank you for being an open donor!

[@fortheloveoflike3996]

Not sure about a national apology day, as it wasn't a government initiated thing, the parents, dr's and donors were all apart of it. Changing government laws around information access for the children is more important, and that doesn't involve parents, drs or donors.

[@nicolerawlings5954]

As a fellow donor conceived person I’d love to get in contact with Lauren. If you are reading this let me know how to contact you.

[@ResidentGlitterCrazy]

Hi Nicole. Please request to join RUDC on Facebook.

[@nicolerawlings5954]

@@ResidentGlitterCrazy hmm nothing related to donor conception coming up in my RUDC search. What is the full title of the group?

[@AimeeShackletonTech]

Try “Australian Donor Conceived People Network”

[@FCat2020]

@@nicolerawlings5954 "We are Donor Conceived" is worldwide.

[@kathleendrummond1360]

When donating the donor should be able to leave a detailed medical history for any children conceived so that if they want to stay anonymous then they can but the child could have the medical history

[@Uber1937]

Las personas no somos mercancía.

[@86Framer]

Ancestry testing being cheap and extremely popular, has caused guaranteed donor anonymity dead and buried for years now.

[@dinkster1729]

Also, genetic testing should be done on donors. You want to know more than that he is blue eyed, blonde hair and is 5 ft 10 in tall. Some donors pad their resume as well. They lie.

[@knielson1201]

There are studies, research and documentaries that show the harms done to egg donors (including strokes and cancers) from the hormones needed in the procedures. The babies themselves are more likely to suffer worse outcomes than the naturally conceived. These are troubling truths.

[@86Framer]

Exactly. Would these typically broke college girls donate their eggs, if they knew the health risks? How much is the almost always secret use of donor eggs giving unrealistic expectations for the personal fertility expectations for women? Especially high profile women who use donor eggs to conceive well into the territory of geriatric pregnancy.

[@Uber1937]

Cierto: enferman y quedan estériles. También el sacar a un ser humano de donde la naturaleza le puso, tiene consecuencias.

[@holyempressw8531]

​@@Uber1937exactly. Especially for women

[@naia-gl2nf]

I've never heard of strokes and cancer in the community. It's the same thing used for ivf

[@Shaedri]

And people wonder why there's donor shortages. I had briefly considered donating eggs, knowing they're hard to get, what turned me off is that in QLD the child has a right to know who their donor was at the age of 18. That and the cost to my body with no financial incentive completely ruled out any chance I would ever donate. I don't want children, so for someone to turn up and trying to form a bond, it's just a recipe for heartache. It absolutely would destroy my family. But hey, donor kids feelings are more important right.

[@TheAayize]

First of all.. thank god someone so heartless as yourself didn’t donate your eggs because that would be such a disservice to the poor soul who’s life would have been born from your genes.. a person who doesn’t believe in the fundamental right that people deserve to know where they come from.. that people should have a bond with their genetic relatives and invalidating the feelings of donor conceived people. THANK GOD your genes are not populating the next generation because we need more empathetic people!

[@smallbeginning2]

If they're never born they can never feel bad so ..... win?

[@86Framer]

The donor shortage is actually from the sky rocketing demand for donor sperm and eggs. Donor eggs being used secretly by women also misleads other women about their fertility expectations, which causes more demand for them. Also even the Fertility Industry has been saying for years that permanent anonymity is dead and buried because of the ever growing ancestry testing databases.

[@cim888]

Quite frankly I would love to denote and help people conceive and share the enjoy/misery of parenthood as I know all to well. But if I knew that someday I or my family could be contacted against my wishes than that would be a deal breaker for me. I want to be selfless but I also need to be selfish for my family's wishes as well.

[@dmsmiles4044]

Are they not worried that sibling will end up having children without knowing if all the doning stays in the area?

[@newhorizon1355]

Father absence at its finest.

[@subhajit201]

The man who donated on the condition of anonymity should be left alone. It can turn his present life upside down. If this cannot be ensured then I suggest men to never donate sperm if u do not want sudden drama in your life at some point in future.

[@86Framer]

Even the Fertility Industry has openly stated for years now that permanent egg and sperm donor anonymity is dead and buried, because of widely popular and cheap ancestry testing. Donors should at least be asked, if they no longer wish to be anonymous.

[@emersongarcia7128]

Save your energy and be grateful you exist. Get on with your life. 1st world problem.

[@86Framer]

So we shouldn’t want to change anything ever, because we’ve got indoor plumbing/whatnot?

[@raslalique]

@@86Framer Interesting response. Sometimes, because "first world" people get so much of the world's resources, it's easy to forget that they are people who are capable of feeling pain too. Sorry

[@86Framer]

@@raslalique you’re fine! I do think many people with stuff like indoor plumbing definitely don’t have any gratitude for it all.

[@mateaukalua4426]

@@raslalique I am grateful for heat and electricity and plumbing. My mom didn't pay the bills before so we were without running water and heat for a few weeks.

[@user-yy2vx5uj6l]

Fasinating!

[@LashChronicles]

That young lady that didn’t find out she was donor conceived until she was 21?!!! It’s a good thing she didn’t have any serious illnesses that required genetic matches if her mother wouldn’t have been able to donate. Also, how selfish to wait so long to drop such a bombshell. Shame on those parents! Unbelievable

[@Emy53]

We just never know how we would react knowing how we were conceived. Some handle it better than others. I know one young woman that was adopted, and she's from Korea. She claims she never wanted to know who her biological parents were, but many of her friends noticed something very painful with her ability to bond with friends. She just didn't hug or bond with her friends. It was clear that she loved her friends but she found it difficult to express her feelings. She knew her parents were not her biological parents, but she once said that she also never wanted to know. She's a lovely woman with 3 daughters. We always remained close to her because even if she found it difficult to hug us, she knew we loved her, appreciated her friendship, and the unspoken bond we felt towards each other. She's a very special person in our lives.

[@PeterMsk2023]

Humans, in general, are prefer finding out the truth of the past involved. However, what really concerns people the most is, the issues of the donor-conceived offspring, may develop into the screening of potential genetic diseases - a form of disguised artificial eugenic, in effect, for the future generations to confront and deal with, morally. And that may eventually include, for the better or worse, the creation of a pool of handful individual genes with higher IQ/EQ, wittingly or unwittingly..

[@smallbeginning2]

Hopefully that will fight the tide of stupidity that is headed our way

[@86Framer]

80% of women on the popular dating app Hinge set their height preference for at least 6 feet tall. OkCupids survey had them label 80% of men as below average looks wise. Then we have around 40% of men not fathering any children. It doesn’t take long for women on their own to dramatically reduce XYZ characteristics in a population without any government or industry behind it.

[@PeterMsk2023]

What you and I are talking about here is actually whether trends are created "collectively" or "individually" - an analogy, like the comparison between democratic political systems, cohesion by the majority, and authoritarian regimes, individual control of the outcome by a few - Both are imperfect, it is a matter of "the lesser of two evils". Only the former involves most people more than the latter, so we'll keep humanity, rather than relegated to animality. Remember, no matter how smart humans become, we always fall behind when we face ever-changing nature.

[@86Framer]

@@PeterMsk2023 Women as a whole wether they’re choosing vials of sperm from a catalogue or the men they let finish inside of them, are going for the same characteristics. It’s thoroughly democratic and individual wether it’s from a catalog or a date. My lesbian friend’s sperm bank had to put sperm from shorter men on sale awhile ago. Physical characteristics most people find attractive are also indicators of being healthy too. We don’t have to do any medical testing to know that someone with “pretty eyes” is typically going to be healthier than those that don’t. Are the kids of these med student sperm donors more likely to become doctors themselves than the average person? I know stuff like musical talent has been inherited by donor conceived people.

[@PeterMsk2023]

Well, when you're talking about personal preferences here, it's actually about diversity, just like in nature - the reality is that human feelings and emotions are whims, not planned or calculated, which contradicts with the role of sperm banks.

[@bogan-slayer7469]

As a result of this and similar stories, I think it might be reasonable to assume that more and more healthy Australian men are now less likely to donate sperm. So can it be argued that genetic father search quests and retrospective law changes are harming the future of sperm donation? If these laws can be changed, who is to say Child Support laws can’t also be changed? We live in a gynocentric world where anything (eg Child Support) to assist women is, by default, seen as positive. Further, why the hell should Australia as a nation “apologise” to donation resultant children to create yet another sub group of ‘victims’? Surely any/all responsibility lies with the persons who decided to create a child using donated sperm or eggs?

[@Elearen]

Responsibility? 😂

[@gwokstar]

Actually pal if you decided to look it up, donation numbers have increased since anonymity became illegal. No need to be so hysterical.

[@bogan-slayer7469]

@@gwokstar Oh hi pal. Do you have solid stats on that? According to The Healthy Male website as of Feb-21 there had been a 23% DECREASE in Victorian sperm donations in the previous 5 years. Maybe you know something different? Oh, I’m not hysterical. Don’t tell lies.

[@TheAayize]

If we end up losing donors for this then GOOD RIDDANCE. We don’t need anonymous donors, we need donors who are proud of what they are doing!! It’s a blessing!

[@mysteryuser7062]

I agree. Donor conceived children should have a right to their donor’s medical records (name withheld for privacy) and a contact if one is left available. If a donor wishes to remain anonymous, he should have that right

[@realgamingfungus]

2:04 ROSS HUNTER TEACH ME MACBETH

[@typower9]

'Kate Bourne', former fertility counsellor.......oh the irony....

[@SG-un1ts]

Firstly it’s time every family knew that secrets within a family do NOT work. Everyone needs to know their origin. However this does not then naturally mean that donors somehow become “moms” and “dads” that donor conceived adults feel connecting with to restore their identity. Who we are are is much more than genetic. Families are created out of love not genes and so children created out of the donor don’t automatically become “siblings”. Focussing on genetic superiority over all others is discriminatory towards the diverse kinds of families that exist in our progressive world. As I stated at the outset I do think secrets must stop, but so too must the biased narrative that prioritises genetic bonds as the Primary determinant of who is a mom dad or a sibling. You are more than your genes.

[@myresponsesarelimited7895]

Well put truths!

[@smallbeginning2]

Words are words that have real meanings. YOU can call it whatever you like.

[@86Framer]

I wouldn’t call appreciating many of the realities of blood relation “genetic supremacy”. I don’t know how say some woman being stoked to find a half sister and that they’re both nurses, as somehow helping fuel discrimination against chosen families. Biological Father is the appropriate title for the vast majority of sperm donors too. His parents are also the donor conceived person’s grand parents and not “grand donors”.

[@mateaukalua4426]

You had a point but that genetic superiority is off. My family is actually quite humble we don't think we're better than others. I have a High IQ mainly from my mom's side. Also got a slow burning metabolism from that side.

[@SG-un1ts]

@@mateaukalua4426 that’s great.

[@susaneadie5392]

A Male gave your mother's an opportunity to be pregnant and birth their child.... if they don't want to be identified.. people need to except this. ! There is a consequence in finding this male ! That is knowledge that may or may not be what u want to hear ! I was in the a similar boar in my early 20s and meeting my blood father was nothing short of disappointing !! 40 yrs later that trauma still lives with me ! Settle for being loved by the people who want you.... !!

[@ChillyMilly908]

you cannot create human life and expect to be free from any family disruption or inconvenience. we're not talking about inanimate objects or animals, this is human life. It is natural for humans to want some connection to their biological family. intentionally creating children knowing they will be separated from their natural family is wrong, and expecting them to disregard their natural human desire to know about biological family is selfish. Sperm/egg donated ppl have just as much a right to use dna testing as anybody else, they have just as much a right to connect with the relatives that they find through dna testing as anybody else.

[@strtlauesen7487]

As a Donor in Scandinavia and Australia when egg donation was anonymous. Like the child seeking the right to locate family I also have rights The rights to refuse or acknowledge any request of my identity. Privacy and confidentiality are two items I hold dearly. Good luck anyone claiming they can find me and match me with any person.

[@86Framer]

I hope you don’t have any health problems that are common to egg donors that the fertility clinics intentionally don’t keep track of. Your biological children can easily find any half siblings that have taken a cheap and very popular ancestry test. Have any of your siblings or cousins taken one or might take one? Even the fertility industry admitted years ago that permanent donor anonymity is no longer guaranteed. If you do unfortunately hypothetically do develop a serious medical condition. Will you try to notify your biological children? Or is them having no warning and possibly dying because they got no warning, an acceptable outcome for you?

[@taliabraver]

@@86Framer Your mom knew all this and still selfishly had you.Blame her

[@86Framer]

@@taliabraver’m not donor conceived. Lol Why would a donor who develops a serious medical condition sometime after donating not want to warn their biological children about it?

[@naia-gl2nf]

@@86Framer Not everyone signs up for ancestry sites.

[@86Framer]

@@naia-gl2nf Someone doesn’t even need to take an ancestry test to be found by a biological relative looking for them. It can even be a first or second cousin who takes one and makes them easy to find. Currently 40 million ancestry tests have been taken, with millions more going to be taken every year. We can estimate that well over a million family secrets have already been exposed by them. From using to donor sperm or eggs, affairs, to secret adoption. Very specific communities have already been thoroughly mapped out. From different groups immigrating to the USA over a hundred years ago to very specific parts of X country.

[@CrazyAnimeGamer2]

Don't be surprised if the donors that wanted to remain anonymous turn you away then.

[@vivalaleta]

Donors most likely would not have donated without the privacy laws. The children conceived should have been given all the donor's medical records but without the man's name, etc.

[@iknowyouwanttofly]

Why? The child have never consented to behave in a way others have promised to do. You cant birth someone into a contract.

[@ChillyMilly908]

you cannot create human life and expect to be free from any family disruption or inconvenience. we're not talking about inanimate objects or animals, this is human life. It is natural for humans to want some connection to their biological family. intentionally creating children knowing they will be separated from their natural family is wrong, and expecting them to disregard their natural human desire to know about biological family is selfish.

[@Emy53]

Lauren looks a lot like her donor father in the chin area. I wonder if these people some how find they want to bond with the donor or children.

[@mariadasilva7917]

Cada criânça tem o direito de saber quem è o pai ou a mãe, a muito que eu dizia se um dia essas criânças quizerem saber do pai. Situação complicada

[@jenfoster128]

The only thing that happens when you enact laws like this is parents go abroad where it is easy and affordable to find donors. And where the anonymity of both parties is respected. I notice the father who raised her wasn't included in the piece. All her searching probably decimated her relationship with him.

[@86Framer]

Permanent donor anonymity is dead and buried because of ancestry testing, even the Fertility Industry has been saying it for years. It’s easier to be honest from the beginning because it’s better than finding them finding out as an adult. It also doesn’t mislead other women about their own expectations for fertility like the many women who’ve used donor eggs for their pregnancies that are well into geriatric pregnancy territory. Do you see adoptees looking for their biological parents, as different than her looking for her biological father?

[@jenfoster128]

The DNA testing sites aren't popular in Eastern Europe where most people are going for tx. I do think there is a difference between a donor and a birth parent. The birth parent made a huge sacrifice to hopefully allow their child to have a better life. They also almost always know they exist (sometimes bio dads don't) and think about them all the time. The donor generally donates for compensation (or sometimes out of narcissism) and has no idea if any children end up existing from his donations. I understand this from the donor kids perspective but being someone who has sought fertility treatment I know what the parents do when they are faced with obstacles. They go somewhere where it is easier and often cheaper and there ends up being less chance for the donor and donor child to connect. To keep it in country I think allowing some degree of anonymity is better because it is far more likely the child will be able to connect with them either through official channels or via the DNA sites and at the very least obtain current medical info.

[@86Framer]

@@jenfoster128 I don’t think permanent anonymity is at all, an ethical way to go about donor conception. The relationship with an egg or sperm donor doesn’t end after donation. It’s an important and permanent connection for everyone involved. It sucks to find out as an adult and not having current health histories has killed donor conceived people.

[@jenfoster128]

I saw your previous reply but I didn't have the time to reply before it seems you deleted it. I am very sorry if you got ghosted by a family that promised you contact. I think that is just horrible because it is a piece of yourself you are giving away. Couples do this to birth moms all the time as well and it is awful. I think if you are promised contact it should be able to be legally enforced. In the US people pay a lot of money for egg donors. They also get quite a bit of info on those donors including pics and health hx which is generally most important to recipients. Same with sperm donors but there tends to be more contact with egg donors generally, not directly, but through clinics or agencies to answer questions and set up cycles. But the fact that there is so much money exchanged lead the recipients not to feel gratitude towards the donor in the way they would but if she donated for free. It makes them feel they have bought something. That it is a business transaction and that she has been compensated for what she gave up. And given the amount of money a fresh full cycle costs in the US most people are either having to empty their savings account or borrow the money to pay for it. But take money out of the equation and you are left with very few donors just like Australia and Canada. As you know going through an IVF cycle is awful so if you aren't being paid why would you do that unless it is for someone you love like your sister or best friend? You wouldn't, hence no donors. I am also of Eastern European descent. In Eastern Europe it is understood by both parties that it is anonymous. In the Czech Republic, one of the most popular destinations, all you get to know about the donors are their blood type, height, weight, hair color and eye color. A full egg donor cycle there costs about 5K USD. And no people in those countries aren't going to start using the DNA sites for one thing because they know their heritage. If your family has been Czech or Russian or Greek for the last 200 years anything else you would find would be minuscule and irrelevant. Secondly the police have been routinely allowed to access those databases when they have a difficult case with no leads. In Eastern Europe people have a healthy distrust of the government many having been born or grown up under communism. And if they don't have any direct memory their parents and grandparents would have told the about it. Think of Russia right now or even Hungary and Poland and their governments. Would you hand over your DNA to those governments? Because with those sites that is essentially what you are doing. My point here is not that I disagree with you that some amount of contact at least for health hx should be allowed - especially through a third party - if either the child or donor doesn't want direct contact. My point is that it is unrealistic. There is big money to be made in fertility treatments and when one country makes it more difficult another country sees an opportunity to help their economy and opens their doors. Ukraine used to be the most popular destination for surrogacy because it was about a third of the cost of doing it in the US and had solid legislation supporting it. Georgia the second-place country is now flooded with parents. There used to be no waiting times and now people are waiting up to 6 months for a surro and they are bringing in women from Kazakhstan to meet the demand. Belarus, Kazakhstan, Armenia and Columbia all have legislation in place to implement surrogacy, so I am just waiting to see which one steps up to take Ukraine's place. It is a nice thought to think donors, recipients and the DC child could all have ongoing positive relationships, but it just isn't reality.

[@86Framer]

@@jenfoster128 you make some great points. I don’t have enough time right now, to write a decent response. I’ll get back to you soon

[@lvt2050]

If donors want anonymity this should be protected but in this case, complete medical history should be given to parents and children. Also, many DCP sound like spoiled children used to get everything they wanted and now they are shocked something is not going as they wanted. First-world problems.

[@magdalenakoehlen6571]

Goodness, this comment sounds like it's coming from someone with zero insight, zero empathy and zero capacity to even try to grasp what this is really about.

[@lvt2050]

​@@magdalenakoehlen6571 Because, of course, if the donors want anonymity that should not be allowed, the donor's lives and wishes should never be above DCPs entitlement. Yep, this sounds like spoiled children. Insight and empathy, but only for one side.

[@naia-gl2nf]

This woman was selfish. Lying and faking to your children their whole life is vile.

[@KS-cl8br]

so just require that they put all genetic testing and health information... I would not want to be in contact with some random stranger.... really bad documentary, it only showed one side ... I have looked at sperm banks in US and they have genetic testing. that first woman is such a Karen omg 😂

[@magiccards-ou9cq]

She just want some money lo

[@keithjackson2035]

Yep

[@sarahharris2729]

Traditional nuclear family values are still the best start to s child's life.

[@Arobert1403]

Perhaps, but what if one partner were infertile? “ Bad luck- no family for you!” There would be no ‘child’s life’ for you to pontificate about.

[@holyempressw8531]

​@@Arobert1403 egg donation or sperm donation will not cure your infertility. If my partner was infertile I'd find someone else. If I was infertile and he wanted a child I'd divorce him. If you invite a third party to help with a child expect that 3rd party to be part of the child. Egg donation never made sense to me. Never. If it's not my egg,I don't want another woman child. If a child having 50 percent of one of the married couple life then the child has to right to know where the other 50 percent of his genes came from.

[@holyempressw8531]

​@@vf8622 a egg donor or sperm donor will not cure infertile couple. Divorce and find someone who is fertile

[@taliabraver]

So true

[@taliabraver]

@@Arobert1403 Adopt