First Time Hearing Gone Away by Five Finger Death Punch | Suicide Survivor Reacts

If you, like most of us, never had Happiness 101 in school, let me be your teacher! Learn the EXACT steps I took in overcoming clinical depression, addiction, self harm and going from ready to end it all to happier than I thought possible. amandawebsterh...
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This is my reaction to my first time hearing Gone Away by Five Finger Death Punch. It's a request from Mick, my amazing Patreon. Definitely a hard one to watch. Survivor's guilt, depression, grief, suicidal ideation. There's so much to unpack.
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[@MentalAmanda]

💖Keep the mental health conversation going by sharing your story here in the comments. No matter where you are in your journey, you have a safe place here to share your struggles and accomplishments without judgment. This is how we shatter the mental health stigma.💖 And if you need some direction and would like me to be your Happiness teacher, you can sign up for my Happiness Boost course here: amandawebsterhealth.com/happiness-boost/

[@saltyassassins5816]

Today I had a doctor's appointment and took asked for help on the depression I'm going through. He's helping with medication and put in a referral to a place called solutions. Solutions is one of a few places local to me that helps with mental illness. I feel hearing a little on this channel on what this wonderful lady went through is enough for me to try. I'm feeling life is worth living.

[@vogtvikar1550]

Dear Amanda, I'm still struggling with the aftermath of Mother's Day. So I decide to write a comment every day under the videos of yours. Just to distract myself a little. Thank you for the oppurtunitiy!

[@jasonhutcherson6224]

I've thought about it. But I'd have to get you just you to really Truly go into my deal. And I Die a little everytime I see hear or Sing this. I know all to well not from service but loss. Told friend other day after losing mom 12 years ago @ age of 36. And my son being unjustly kept from me on top of wanting a better world and knowing it's possible and having a strong empathic ability. I take all of your pain and anguish and sadness and that is a weight I don't believe Anyone should/can carry. So with those factors and more not a say goes by I don't at least once think is this the day........ I tried to explain to him that weight the sadness anger and Hopelessness I feel every single day increases. I'm also a pacifist. I've been in fights bug hate them. Avoid them 99% of life. Even though it makes people think I'm a pu$$¥ or afraid...... No I want to be a good person show that life is choices. And no matter what we can choose to be good. So that also weighs on feelings. Told him while it's wrong to god/higher power and to family. Its unfair for them to use that. I understand that they'd be hurt but it's not fair or right to live in anguish and misery to be strong enough to keep going for them. I wish they knew this pain. And then maybe they'd understand and not be as hurt. I seriously doubt you'll see this or respond. But I shared.

[@jasonhutcherson6224]

@@vogtvikar1550 Sorry for your loss. I had same issue mother passed 12 years ago. Also her birthday was in March. So its a double whammy

[@vogtvikar1550]

@@jasonhutcherson6224 Also, my deepest condolences for your loss. I am sorry to hear that it is so close. My mother's birthday is in June .... that's not far away either.

[@n.a.nameless5435]

The survivor neither expects, nor even wants to return to America without a flag draped over him. The battlefield is the only place his emotional state makes sense.

[@MentalAmanda]

That breaks my heart to think about.

[@Muzikskavenger]

It’s a much simpler life that’s for sure.

[@dannycoe7605]

Amen brother.

[@bobsmith-ep9ne]

Complete facts.

[@miken4709]

Well said brother

[@roguemerlin1969]

I didn't see anyone mentioning it so I guess I will. The Army has a "buddy" program where you enlist together, go through all your training together, and are sent on your first deployment together. He was the one who talked them into enlisting, and he was walking point and missed the IED which killed his friends. Some re-enlist or volunteer for redeployment, some do it thinking they will feel better if they can help save others, and sadly a lot go back with a death wish. Every wife's greatest fear is to see the storm crows, harbingers of death, coming up the sidewalk. They come in pairs, usually a medical officer and a Chaplin. In a lot of ways survivors' guilt is worse than PTSD.

[@jeffc2052]

Survivor’s Remorse…very real…never goes away…at least in 35 years anyway…

[@roguemerlin1969]

@@jeffc2052 I personally think survivor's guilt is the worst. I lost so many brothers in Nam. Many of us that did make it back, never really came home. So many died of drugs or alcohol, so many others ate the barrel of a gun. You aren't alone Jeff, there are still a few of us left and we will always have your 6, no matter what.

[@JPE_DRAEB]

Often times you have survivor's remorse along with PTSD! It is part of it!

[@PR0BEE]

I went back multiple times for the solders on the ground. It is the troops on your left and your right! That’s why we went back!

[@Heiryuu]

@@roguemerlin1969 in case no one else says it today, Welcome home.

[@robbob5302]

This song was a cover. The original was released in the 90's, by The Offspring. (This version is equally epic.) The song's author is named Dexter Holland. He wrote this from the standpoint of the death of a Significant Other. Today, Holland is a reknowned microbiologist. And he has made several groundbreaking discoveries, in the race to finally cure HIV.

[@JustKelso1993]

Dexter Holland is a true Rockstar in every way possible, honestly.

[@davidward9737]

I stopped halfway through. They turned it into a war song...again. FFdp gave the best war song ever. Wrong side of Heaven. This is not a war song. This is a personal loss a personal loss and anyone that has lost someone. We reach to the sky to call out their name and if we could change we would.

[@tatuhammer8247]

@@davidward9737 Technically the guy in the video lost his best friends in combat because a mistake he made, so the cover can be aplicable to this scenario too.

[@davidward9737]

@@tatuhammer8247 true, but can you deny who originally wrote this song. It is powerful and in 1997 I didnt grasp the meaning. It is okay to mourn, write your own song dont take it from someone else

[@tatuhammer8247]

@@davidward9737 I agree that the original meaning was directing to something more specific to Dexter in particular, but after all it's a cover and It's not that bad they given another interpretation in the video. At least from my point of view of course.

[@isaiahwelch8066]

I will say this. Survivor's guilt is real. When my brother came home, it was hard at first. He had been through so much, including losing his best friend to a sniper's bullet -- a bullet meant for my brother. Though I've never met his widow, if I could, I would tell her nothing I could give her is great enough to repay the debt her husband incurred for me and my family, when he took the bullet that would have taken my brother from me. Even now, I shed tears, because my brother's Battle Buddy is the embodiment of this: No man has greater love than this, than he who would lay down his life for his friends. ~ John 15:13 Johnny, though I will never meet you in this life, with all my heart, I say thank you for your sacrifice. It was not in vain, and you gave me back my brother by taking a bullet for him. Rest easy, Marine. You lived and died with honor. You are a true hero. And Amanda? If you would, I would make the request of reacting to a band called Ravenia. The song is, "We All Died For Honor."

[@levibarns7576]

Bruh, that’s the same backstory from Saving Private Ryan.

[@isaiahwelch8066]

@@levibarns7576 : Uh, no, it's not. Saving Private Ryan didn't take place in Afghanistan, and the Naxis didn't have access to the Dragunov rifle. Besides, as far as I know, me and my uncle are the only two people that knew this story until now.

[@xtravagentk1275]

@@levibarns7576 It sounds like you haven't even seen Saving Private Ryan lmao.

[@MentalAmanda]

RIP Johnny. I appreciate the sacrifices that you and he made, though different, both important 💖

[@robbob5302]

@@xtravagentk1275 I think he meant Forrest Gump. Easy to mix up Tom Hanks movies.

[@jeremymiller7932]

This song for me is an emotional punch in the gut. I lost a very good friend that served in the same unit with me. He died saving my life. I miss you everyday Chris 😪, I will see you on the other side brother.💙

[@johnbubba1143]

Til Valhalla calls you to join him, know he's keeping your seat warm. Until then, honor his memory by doing what would make him proud. Stay strong bro.

[@MentalAmanda]

RIP Chris. Honor his memory and his sacrifice. I appreciate you both for what you risk for us.

[@garyregan7298]

Hope to see you too on the side!

[@deathstar008]

My brother-in-law took his life nearly 7 years ago and every time I hear this song, it makes me think of him. Since I only had sisters growing up, he was my first brother, and he meant so much to me. I cannot listen to any version of this song without breaking down in tears.

[@MentalAmanda]

I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you find ways to connect to his memory and that brotherly love.

[@kympeplau1635]

I am so sorry. I know that even after 7 years it still can and will hurt at times. I hope that you are finding ways to cope. Take care .

[@RamblingRob-vi7ct]

Over past 10 yrs I attempted to take my life three times and I deal with PTSD and have been homeless and lost a daughter that still kills me and I'm still not in a good place

[@mickluchsinger486]

Hey Miss Amanda. Thanks for doing this video. Memorial day is always a tough time for some vets. I love how you can always seem to break these songs down where it can help others. NEVER FORGOTTEN USMC

[@johnbubba1143]

Semper Fi devil dog.

[@andrewbreaksankles2535]

Hey Amanda, just wanna say I’m a recent viewer and I absolutely love what u do ❤️ keep up what u do, u won’t ever disappoint us

[@mokane86]

i was trained as a "combat medic" (FMF Corpsman) , but was "lucky" enough to get sent overseas to asia and partake in humanitarian aid and training (where we still lost a few to misshaps and terrorism) , but never had to witness or be part of combat. however before i got out i had filled my first hand counting guys I knew who were next to me in the pipelines , or had been patients of mine who did have to go and were taken. and since then ive nearly filled my second hand with those who decided to leave of their own accord. my grief is not even comparable to that of so many, but sometimes I struggle with what I "could have done" had I been there, and the happenstance of the odds that sent me one way and them the other. feelings of "why me" and "didnt do my share" are difficult to fully defeat, along with the weight of responsibility to somehow do more now to make up for it.

[@davidgaps6589]

Everyone leaves war/combat scared. Whether at the front or the medic. Thank you for your service, and take care of yourself.

[@MentalAmanda]

You are amazing, sir. Thank you for all you've done.

[@megcperez]

My grandfather was Army special forces medic in Vietnam. It was him who told me that when he came home, it just felt wrong. It felt like he couldn’t do enough no matter how much he did. He said that because of being a medic he was one of the most targeted but also the most protected & that made things worse because he felt like he didn’t deserve more than the guy next to him. I know you may never see this but you matter. You may never see this but it’s time to allow the weight to be shared. You may never see this, but there are people like myself who appreciate & respect you. Seeing as you’re a Marine I’ll say this in the most Marine way possible: My family & I are grateful & respect you for putting your ass out there to protect a bunch of ungrateful little shitheads here at home. 💜 from a military brat (& stepmom to a young Marine) in Texas

[@stevenmitchell839]

This video explains a lot of my PTSD....I know his survivors guilt that I have to deal with myself due to time in Iraq.... Thanks for being here with this reaction. Keep up the awesome channel. I will be watching!!

[@MentalAmanda]

Depression fights us because if we overcome it, then it becomes irrelevant. It's a matter of survival for it. But we can fight back. You know what's best for you. Fight the Shadow and do it!

[@whillsack]

Thank you so much for your reaction! I’m going through so much mentally, I can’t say I haven’t thought of going home early. It’s people like you that are important. Its hard to imagine to have such anxiety and or depression that you literally feel incapable of even getting out of bed, afraid to leave the house. I’ve been dealing with this for over two years now. There are good days and bad. Thank you for reminding me to focus on the good! It’s so easy to focus on the bad, it takes a bit of courage to focus on the good and stand up.

[@jusher66]

Amanda, I've been through the situation of having to deal with "Survivor's Guilt. " I'll keep this short... I was in a Mortuary Affairs unit in Iraq. The struggle is real. Our main job was to do S&R's... Search and Recovery. We rescued no one. Our job was to recover fellow Americans after they had been killed. I Drive Your Truck is a difficult song for me to listen to to this day. I came back from Iraq in 2006. Less than a month after returning, my mom passed away from cancer. I'm extremely thankful I got back in time to see her again. It does not go away. It does not get "easier. " I've just learned to cope with my feelings. I don't often talk about it. Not many people really understand the whole aspect of being in a war zone being shot at and your job is to do recovery In my case, for my fellow Americans. It's tough. Some days are better than others. I just found your channel and I'm liking what I see. Thank you. Jeff

[@MentalAmanda]

That has to be SUCH a heartbreaking job. While I can't imagine the pain it brought upon you, you also gave closure to countless families. Which is invaluable. I appreciate the sacrifice you made for me and I hope that you can find peace and healing.

[@andercrash3602]

Thank you for your service. During my time, I primarily repaired aircraft. I take solace from the fact that my efforts helped keep people safe.

[@RedsFan1995]

Five Finger Death Punch’s my second-favorite band and their music’s incredibly therapeutic for me. I also love what they’ve done for the soldiers. 🙏🏻🙌🏻🇺🇸🤘🏻

[@lukecowley4949]

Just wanted to say how much I appreciate your videos, they've helped me to process some emotions that I didn't know what to do about

[@RandyEvans-d7n]

Thank you for this video. It means a tremendous amount. I'm a 20 year veteran of the Army and deployed 3 times.

[@Bodybagged666]

just found your channel and find your reactions so heartfelt. no matter how many times i see this video i always get choked up

[@savonel35]

Hello beautiful souls, as a Vet to all the Men and Women who served in the Military Living Or Died.. I would like to tell you all I love you and thanks for your Contribution and God Bless You all for being my Hero

[@RomeroWilliam]

Your reactions are what needs to be mainstream, watching you with this just brings memories of my dad back and he did 4 tours in Vietnam but honestly, the one he wasn't prepared for was cleaning up the Jim Jones massacre. He says that event is what gives him nightmares, seeing the children forced to die. My brother, an Iraq war vet, he has ptsd and loud noises causes him to need to bark orders and such. He's even had a few friends who didn't make it back and that's the heavy stuff he hates talking about. But no. Your reaction, especially the second he pulled the gun out, is what America needs. That gut punch, and I am glad others feel this way. Ffdp is the only band that's made my family genuinely shed tears.

[@chrisedwards4762]

As a veteran I appreciate your highlighting this issue on your blog. I work a lot with veterans and know what they go through. I applaud your journey being so successful as well. Addressing the mental issues in this country is a subject that needs addressing and videos like yours will help bring it to the forefront is a good start at solving some of the problems.

[@ericschaefer6769]

Thank You Sooo much for your channel. You ARE helping people!!!

[@RAVENBROKENWINGS]

Both of my parents are gone. My father called me in the summer of 2007 and asked if I hated him. I told him that I never hated him. Then he died the next day. My mother died on January 3, 2022. She called me on New Year's and asked me to forgive her. I told her that I forgave her a long time ago and then she died on the third. Always forgive and never hate, because life's too short to live with hatred and grudges in our hearts.

[@greigw]

ive only watched three videos of yours but the amount of emtions i felt let alone comment three times on videos as i have never really commented on anything before this, your a kind hearted soul i feel it all i know i keep saying this but i feel every moment of what your feeling, i have the utmost respect for what u have done and are doing pls keeping moving forward amanda pls much love and respect XXX

[@billwelch3421]

As a veteran I can tell you that it starts with wanting to be a part of something bigger than yourself. When you get there it becomes about you and your brothers who may not be blood but are more important. No one understands what it's like until you have to reclaim those dog tags and then learning your coping mechanisms to deal with the PTSD.

[@johnbubba1143]

I been waiting on this reaction. That PTSD episode in the video, it's a serious gut punch. All those pent up feelings just making you red line. It's hell. A hell i wouldn't wish on anyone. The rage, guilt, saddness. It's a serious rumbling in the guts and heavy pressure on the heart/mind.

[@TealGibson]

I have gone through so much in my life in a short time I lost my 1 moth son and my grandfather and been through so much more and yet I stand strong for the ones who are lost and the ones who are still here some days it breaks me bight I fight through I greatly appreciate you for sharing your reactions to a song that hits me so hard and the dedication you have to helping people I try to do the same to the best of my abilities

[@BABstudios570]

Been waiting for this one thank you for reacting

[@chrismadden132]

Survivors guilt will make you do things you would never do. I know every time I was deployed back over to Afghanistan or Iraq I was constantly taking stupid risks hoping I would be killed. All my friends are gone, my son is gone and I was allowed to live. It's not right. I trained most of those guys and felt like I let them down when they were killed. I hurt everyday and wish I could see them one more time. Especially my son.

[@chrismadden132]

I love your way of making things clearer

[@isaiahwelch8066]

They are true heroes. Sir, the only thing I can say is the same thing I told my brother when he came home: The only thing you can do is to live your life in honor of those you lost. Make the most of this life, and do the things you do, as though they are watching you, and looking down on you. Only then is your suffering in this life worth the burden of guilt you carry. And I know it doesn't get easier. But I think of Last Samurai, at the end of the movie, in the final scene: *Emporer:* Katsumoto...is dead? Tell me how...he died? *{Tom Cruise's character}:* I will not tell you how he died. I will tell you how he lived. That, I believe, is all we can do. To live our lives in honor of those we've lost.

[@davidgaps6589]

There is no rhyme or reason to life when it comes to war. The worst invention of humankind. I feel for you and your loss. You now carry the responsibility of keeping your loved one’s memories alive. Please share them if you can. What was your son’s name? What was a proud moment you have of him?

[@chrismadden132]

@@davidgaps6589 my sons name was Nicholas, and I coached his little league team to 2nd place in the state championship. I was also the first person he allowed to hold his newborn son. Those are just two of many.

[@davidgaps6589]

@@chrismadden132 thank you for sharing. I think sports is a large bond in American families. My dad coach me in soccer. What position did you son play? What is his child’s name?

[@anthony_long12]

Listening to death punch has help me with so many issues during my life. The events I had to deal with it, nothing else could help me unless it was from death punch. Last month I made a video from my tiktok and it went viral across the whole world. The band seen it, and Ivan the lead singer said he’ll take me to the concert. I was afraid and stressing because I have never went to a concert in my life. And I couldn’t find any ride to the concert. When ivan let me know what he’s planning on doing for me, I cried. I felt so much better. And this is helping me because I was planning on committing suicide. I was feeling like nobody likes, and cares about me. I was dealing with my grandmas death that has happened last Nov 2021. For my dream coming true, it’s actually saving my life. I am believing and liking myself all over again. I have started to think positive and believe that dreams can happen if you put your mind to it.

[@MentalAmanda]

Your dreams are going to come true if you just keep fighting for them! Don't let the Shadow ruin them or take them from you! Proud of you and so happy that you're still here!

[@Chicagodog-tu1ek]

Hi Amanda, I just want to tell you that I FINALLY broke through the barriers of Depression, after 25 years of having it! Not many people can remember the exact moment they became depressed, but I remember the exact moment when I was 8, and my Nono(Grandpa) passed away at my 1st Communion Party. The next day I felt like there was a never-ending weight on my brain. I've contemplated ending all my misery 3 times in my Teens.

[@skullyradford9746]

love you amanda thank you for all the vedios thay help me so much thank you

[@michaelpalma6346]

God this band is amazing! 5FDP has so many incredible songs, the emotion they put in them is off the charts.

[@shunt5001]

PERFECT on the shirt!!!! SO TRUE 👍

[@D0nut42]

As usual, a visceral and powerful reaction. Thank you very much. ✌️❤️&🤘

[@WarMooseEternal]

Hey Amanda you inspired me to make a video for mental health and gaming and I signed up for your 5 day happiness course! Hope you have a good day!

[@MentalAmanda]

Oh my gosh, wow! Where can I see your video?!

[@WarMooseEternal]

@@MentalAmanda 4 tips to improve your mental health while gaming kzbin.info/www/bejne/bIrFm2V7Z9CbrNk I didn't mention you inspired me but you did.

[@Zara-tt7rh]

Great reaction, just found this channel but really loving the reactions and analysis! 🙏

[@davidgaps6589]

This song brings back a lot of emotions for me as the original came out at my dark times.

[@GDWC78]

You are not alone. This song and video hits me hard. My best friend died saving me. Once I was released from hospital I felt like I needed to join him. This community, the people I have met have helped me see there is more to this than I think.

[@metalhead4433]

Your reaction is so heart-felt. The panic you showed when he pulled his gun and it looked like the guilt would get the best of him shows you feel the music and you take this tyoe of sturggle serious. Thank you. EDIT: I have watched your reaction so many times. I dont struggle from PTSD from war but i do struggle due to time in jail. Amanda you are one of many reasons i have made my mental health better. Again thank you!

[@f1rehawk99]

This song always gives me chills

[@thomashageman9801]

So not sure if this will be seen but I’m going to reply. So I appreciate you for the reaction video to this song. I relate almost directly to the song and it’s meaning. I served briefly but where it hit home for me was on 19 January 2000 I lost my biological brother to ptsd suicide. We were separated when I was 8 and until his death I had vowed to get back to him. I obviously lost that opportunity. I never really grieved and to this day there are things that still trigger me. I’m not in the military but have chosen to serve as a structure/wildland firefighter. Being a husband and father of 4 the pain I buried comes to the surface now and again but when I watched the video myself it dig deeper then I could ever have imagined. I never got the chance to say goodbye and lost a part of myself on that day. I’m sorry for the lengthy reply but I felt this one and have not been able to focus which only is made worse by other bad news received while on assignment with the fire department. For anyone who’s struggling or having a hard time coping, it’s a real thing and please reach out to a loved one, a councilor, or even contact a hotline because there are people who care and you won’t just hurt yourself but your choices can affect those who love you!

[@randymarple9830]

Every one of your videos has touched me. Your insight is amazing. You are a 'Seer'. I have felt depression, but not that of an enormous weight. Music has been my salvation. I have loved your reactions...and I love how Nightwish has been able to pick you up when you are feeling low. Please remember that.

[@mikecoppola728]

I used to work as a security supervisor in the psych unit of a hospital and I knew I changed many patients lives just by sitting there and talking with and showing them that someone cared about them when they were at their lowest

[@vogtvikar1550]

I was never a soldier, but a friend of mine was. When he came back from Afghanistan, he was never the same. He ended his life by driving at 280 km/h into a bridge pillar. That hitted me hard, I still in contact with his sister, from time to time.

[@lizardman8712]

I cannot listen to song without tearing up...its powerful! Especially when I was going through a major break up, idc that ppl give 5fpd hate ,but yet they have helped alot of ppl!

[@JamesAdair9530]

my older brother committed suicide last year and god knows i miss him everyday....i wish he was still here ,i'm glad your still here....your beautiful and i enjoy your videos

[@MentalAmanda]

I'm sorry that he lost his battle. I hope that he rests in peace and that you can find ways to connect to his love 💖

[@jasonconley771]

@MentalAmanda I think you are a very pretty girl and you have a huge heart! Thank you for reacting to these videos for some of veterans! I have been dealing with my own living hell for 20 years and just this past year got some help. This song is scary accurate!! Especially survivors guilt and the lengths he goes! I did the same things!

[@garyzigler452]

I'm Gary and I am a combat veteran and have lost a few friends in that way. You aren't just brothers and sisters in arms but we are family. On the battlefield, we are the closest thing to family. So when you lose a family member, it's extremely hard to deal with. As a leader, we have to make split seconds decisions on the run. Sometimes you make a decision, weather right or wrong, may cost someone their life and we have to live with that. I still have a difficult time with this. I really love listening to you Amanda because you speak from experience, not these ones that go to school and become a mental health doctor. Most of them don't have real life experience to truly understand what others are going through. Don't get me wrong, the doctors are great but have a hard time understanding what people are feeling. ❤ you Amanda.

[@ThatAutisticGuy2005]

They say the heros are not the ones that come back, but the real heros are the ones that gave their lives to save another

[@deadpoolsnipes537]

Five Finger Death Punch is really out spoken lead singer Ivan is from my hometown Arvada Colorado they are amazing... ❤️

[@ex-conmmaselfdefense6679]

You got it! I love love love FFDP!!!!

[@hiro_the_wolf4005]

Til we met again in the halls of Valhalla my fallen brothers and sisters, those I served beside and those I did not. Collins, Marieno and Vanwee, the world is definitely not the same without you guys.

[@todddecann2483]

As an Army vet this one hits hard. Ty for reacting to it my fellow vets need the help they don't get from the VA . I would love to hear what you think of I Believe by Diamond Rio. I really think you would like it n it goes along the lines of what you do, dealing with loss just bring tissues. It's the first song I remember hearing many years ago when I lost my Gramma Millie.

[@MentalAmanda]

Thank you for the suggestion and a very grateful thank you for your service.

[@tayzadayzah6681]

This song honestly saved my mental health after my friend committed suicide, it helped me put my feelings into words and feel like what I, her family and her other friends were feeling wasn't abnormal. I still find myself from time to time feeling guilty that I couldn't save her. But songs like this help me process that guilt.

[@MentalAmanda]

Beneath the depression and the darkness, she knew you cared. Please know that 💖

[@JamesLee-rd7dz]

It hurts so much when you know when your heart is going dark and you can't stop it you have to let it go there and hopefully you can get it back

[@woodleracing16w97]

Ty for your videos I was an 88m served 12 years life isnt easy I’ve lost some good friends I’ve been down the road with the struggle thank god I found racing otherwise I really don’t think I’d be here 😔 that’s how I help my mind out run my demons

[@jaydirico6191]

Thank you for this reaction. As a veteran who did exactly his job as a “sweeper “ to let the Hum V’s with our troops” advance forward, I was stopped and the “enemy” which we didn’t know, wanted to talk with our translator. Patted 3 down myself, and allowed. A 4’th shot our translator and we got rushed. I was shot through the arm, and continued fighting! Hand to hand! Slashed in the wrist and arm with a machete. I suffer horrible PTSD. Shit you’re never going to forget. Much appreciated

[@MentalAmanda]

Thank you for sharing your pain with us. I appreciate the sacrifices you made for me and I hope you find the healing you deserve. We're here for you!

[@svtpower03]

I a US Army veteran and now a police officer. Never saw combat but my buddies that did were never the same. I’ve seen a lot of horrible things in my current job and it does take a toll on you. Thankfully I have good support and hobbies that keep me stable and happy. I know everyone isn’t as lucky

[@MentalAmanda]

I'm very happy that you have a life that keeps you sane and I appreciate your sacrifices, current and past.

[@AriverWOLF]

I cried. I saw this concert here in Anchorage, Alaska. It saved my life. Almost didnt go but it saved my life. At time i was experiencing a hard break up. My friend i invited as a plus 1 saw me cry during concertt, pulled me aside. He heard me out and took choice away, i lived with them a week til he saw i was ok. Reach out to your friends family or community. Sometimes u need help

[@MentalAmanda]

So glad you had such a great friend on your side and glad you are still with us.

[@kympeplau1635]

I’m old enough to have lost several immediate family members and I know how hard it is. I’m 68. In a 10 year span of time I lost a husband, parents, and brother. Then 6 years later I lost my oldest son to an accidental overdose of Klonipin. That was according to the hospital but my other son and I know better. We saw his journal. Anyway he was 39 years old. That was in 2015. The most important thing I have learned through all of it is there is no time limit to grief. You never just stop grieving. You start healing but break downs can always happen. Surround yourself with loved ones ones or someone you can talk to and it is true that time heals all wounds. However the scars will still be there.

[@pinnaclemainehunters5414]

This song/video breaks me every time it is played. Conjures up some deep buried pain I fight daily. This and wrong side of heaven…do me in. 😞

[@weaselrider]

What he had at the end are kill bracelets. Its your friends who have died. Its a living memory that these people died before you. Powerful....

[@williammoore1980]

The struggle is not what you have done, the struggle is what you think you could have or should have done.

[@jah2140]

The scary soul crushing thing is, military families somehow instinctively KNOW exactly what and who the black sedan is that comes to notify them of their loved ones.

[@robertbaber8033]

Thank you. And all the others that are finally acknowledging the impact of mental illness and mental trauma. For decades the mind was totally misunderstood. Now people who haven't had loss in their life are getting a glimpse and better understanding of people who have had loss. I think we have finally started understanding the how, why, and what when it comes to mental health. For me depression is huge. SUICIDE IS NOT THE ANSWER. Trust me I have thought long and hard about it. If you feel no life is better than your life, I beg you to talk to someone. Even if you pull over a police officer. Don't be afraid or embarrassed. Your life is worth it. Sometimes our mind tricks us into a world where we are not in sync with the rest of humanities reality. Mine has. And the after effect is confusing and paralyzing. Sadly some people don't make it back from the trick. Our brains are our reality. But hope is on the way. I think. Dr. Mary Frances O'Connor, Neuroscientist, has written a book that fills the gaps between mental health physically and mental health psychologically. THE GRIEVING BRAIN. Surprising Science. How We Learn Love and Loss. I truly believe this could be the first major step in treatment of mental health. Making help for millions come quicker and more precise.

[@robbob5302]

I have read two different stories, about why Dexter Holland wrote this song. In the first, Holland had a girlfriend, who passed away in an auto accident. And he wrote it, about her. In the second, Holland and his wife were using the outdoor dining at a Dairy Queen. When very close by, somebody stuck a gun out of their car window, and opened fire. Classic drive-by. ( Thankfully, not at them.) All Holland and his wife could do is dive under the table, and wait for the moment to pass. While neither was hurt, Holland was naturally traumatized. Thinking "What if I had lost her??" Not sure which version is true. If either.

[@daveski17]

I lost my best friend of 30 years to suicide. PTSD demons consumed him, and I am lost. I don't feel like I'll ever be myself again. That being said, YOU are doing a good thing. I feel a certain peace when you break it down. Thank you for what you do.

[@MentalAmanda]

You're right, you will never be the same. But that doesn't mean you can't find meaning, small moments of joy and, eventually, peace 💖 I'm touched to have helped in some small way on your journey.

[@matthewgoodA1206]

I’m familiar with the original version, and have already heard this cover, but I didn’t know 5FDP created another video focused on the struggles of soldiers. But something else unexpected immediately caught my attention: the soldier punching his war vehicle. It instantly took me back to when, in high school, some veterans came to talk at one of our classes. I think there were three of them, and I still remember some of the things they said. Most of all, was when one revealed that experience of war- he and others were driven to the point of kicking their tank or jeep they rode in. So that image was totally realistic.

[@stalkinghockey]

FFDP, is a great band. It’s odd how childhood traumas, make you incredibly sensitive to simple things, yet somehow equally empowering by heavy music. I guess we tell stories here, so my first trauma, was seeing a veteran murdered in front of me at 11-12. Seeing as my Dad was CO of a Naval Airbase, then retired running his own co. + his mechanics were bringing me to and from my Tufts dental Appt. I’ll spare the story, they just took there frust over a ticket out on a vet they picked up as well. It took me 3-4 years to even talk about it, and I’m 56 now, so in 79-82, no one was believing me. My Dad least of all as Marine Fighter pilot w/ a masters in flight engineering, poster boy for the Corp, front of an ACC, holding the prop of an F4U Corsair AT 21, heading to the Pacific to fight Japan. It never mattered a few years later he died while I was in BOOT CAMP. It wasn’t till 30+ i dealt with his death, USMCR, life, drinking, self hatred, insecurity causing me to over excel at everything, being an Officer, but never truly wanting this path. No one understands how profound the Marine Corp’s structure , hierarchy, etc., offerers everything but what to do, outside your uniform. Knowing your mind functions differently than others, may be an asset early in life, but it becomes a burden when our friends age. I’m blessed with great friends, for that I’m grateful. Tectal Plate brain tumor, is spin on wheel of how am I gonna feel think today, it’s difficult. Peace, 1, always on your 6.

[@satanonfire666]

really really love that song

[@seankuhl8441]

He's going back to make sure no one else dies like his friends. Its the last place he was near them.

[@tomb2574]

A soldier never finds peace again. That part of you is torn away.

[@Spiritual_Machines_Gaming]

I'm more familiar with the Offspring version of this song from when i was younger. I honestly don't think I've really watched the Five Finger Death Punch video until now. both versions deal with personal loss, survival's guilt but in very different ways but still convey a very strong message. The last death in my family that really effected me other than my grandfather and i don't think she's actually related to me would have been my cousin's cousin ( yeah i know not really related to me). All three of us went to the same high school and graduated the same year from high school. 5 years after we graduated from high school she died from a brain aneurysm I was actually still in school when it happened and really wanted to go back home for the funeral but it was 2 hours away and I had no way of getting back in time. I found out later that the family built memorial bridge to her that spans the the little creek between the church and the cemetery in the town.

[@Bu3pratt73]

I suffer from survivor’s guilt. I am a 70% Gulf and Iraq War Veteran. I struggle fail with not taking myself from this life. So thank you for bringing a light to us veterans daily life after War!😘

[@MentalAmanda]

Would you like someone to talk to? We have many veterans here on the channel who would be happy to talk to you. I can also refer you to a veteran gaming community if that is your jive. We see you, appreciate your sacrifice and care if your light goes out 💖

[@Bu3pratt73]

@@MentalAmanda thank you. I have a psychiatrist, and I take a bunch of meds. I also have an emotional support dog. I just have trouble dealing sometimes. The VA has a suicide hotline for veterans

[@headsicknation1365]

Great reaction. I'm not sure what version I like better. FFDP sounds like it was produced with a better quality, but both deliver great emotions from the vocal tracks.

[@joshbirdsong36]

It's not about peace. Especially after situations like this. It's about being the best person we can be after. As a veteran of Iraq and Afghanistan, I've lost more brothers since the war than during. It's not about about what has happened. It's about what we could find ourselves doing. The atrocities we committed we could never have fathomed. But I will deliver a nugget of hope, the men and women I served with, we still talk to this day. We keep in touch and do our best to watch out for our brothers and sisters. You can't break that bond. And there is no other bond like it. You may not agree with the military, but please understand, we are men. Women. Fathers. Mothers. Sons. Daughters etc. And we all want to come home . Broken or not.

[@Loosescrew81]

The part when the hummer got blown up reminds me off when my grandfather told me about his experience when he was blown up but he was in a apc back in Vietnam and he was the only one who survived the explosion and it’s because he was on the turret

[@deadpoolsnipes537]

❤️❤️❤️❤️ Thank you

[@michaelwalters9256]

😇HI Amanda it's Mike,keep doing the great job you're an awesome person,and out of all do respect, I wish I could meet you in person of course it would be in a star bucks or restaurant, so this way you don't feel like I'm a creepy person.I love the way you are so compeshinet, empathetic and caring,I don't about but I believe in loving down to earth relationships only.,another it'd good to be friends first,and learn from each other, then if you like each other and love each other, then be willing to tie knot.thankyou for being brave enough and will to share your experience, strength, and hope with the world.,and thank you for not being successful at ending your life,because no matter what any one tells you ,you are smart pretty and witty.ok!.

[@gregwood4616]

I can tell you as a law enforcement officer (Sheriff), who has had their partner pass away in the line of duty... Survivor's guilt is a real thing. It's horrible. Her funer.al procession was almost 10 miles long. Every department within 50 miles sent cars to show support. It was beautiful, but tragic. Fire departments parked trucks, and hung flags on every overpass along the route. Cars pulled to the side to show respect. And as her partner, it was crushing. There were about 100 cars in the procession. Tragic beauty.

[@MentalAmanda]

Though I can only imagine how painful your loss was, you're right, it's beautiful to know what an impact her life had. Never stop honoring her by living life to its fullest and continuing to fight. Thank you both for protecting me and my family. 💖

[@TK-hw2ph]

I listen to this song probably more than it’s good for my health. Not a day goes by I don’t think of the men we lost

[@TheOriginalJackTChance]

This song is actually a cover of a song originally recorded and released by Neo-Punk band The Offspring back in the '90s. You should also check out the original.

[@wesleywren3050]

Survivors guilt will never go away, loosing a brother or sister in uniform is loosing a part of yourself. Rip my military family.

[@andercrash3602]

I got lucky during my time in Afghanistan. Nobody in my unit was killed, but we did have a few close calls. During a couple of slow days, I volunteered at the base hospital, and helped move patients from the stretchers to the hospital gurneys. I'll never forget seeing a crew using a water hose to rinse the blood out of the cargo hold of their helicopter, then mounting up and taking off like it was nothing. Those guys are beyond mentally tough. I switched my volunteer efforts to the base post office, and became my unit's mailman (when I wasn't busy with my normal work). It feels good to bring care packages to deployed troops. And since the Canadian compound was right next door to where I'd pick up the mail from, I'd also take orders for coffee and bagels from the Tim Horton's that was nearby. It never failed to amuse me how even the toughest NCOs would get all excited about getting a package or bagel.

[@MentalAmanda]

Thanks for sharing this, it's such a beautiful attestment to how there are SO many ways to serve. Thank you for your sacrifices 💖

[@andercrash3602]

@@MentalAmanda I laughed, then looked around and realized that I'm the now the NCO who is expected to be tough and lead the troops, but I'm still going to be playing some badass jams with my bluetooth speaker.

[@andercrash3602]

@@MentalAmanda Thank you for your kind words. I've certainly led an interesting life, but it wasn't always easy. growing up, I often had to do without common conveniences, but I'm honestly grateful for those experiences, because they shaped me into the man I am today. My family wasn't exactly poor, but things like air conditioning were out of our financial reach until I was 13. After a few years of military service, I was inspired to get a tattoo of my favorite motto: "Adapt and thrive" in Latin across my back. EDIT: spelling

[@satanonfire666]

love this song

[@AstebrookeYT]

As others have mentioned, the song was originally written by Dexter Holland of The Offspring. I've heard multiple 'origin stories' of the song, from a non-lethal but frightening live shooter incident to a car crash that killed his girlfriend/fiancee, so I can't say more about it other than Dexter keeps a pretty tight lip on it and doesn't like to discuss it. While the lyrics are the same, and the video is not shock & awe like the cover here, you can hear the emotion in his voice as he sings the original. The Offspring also have another video that they mentioned on their official Reddit thread when someone asked them about mental health last year. I know The Tube doesn't generally like links, so here is a google search that should bring his question to the top of the search as soon as you correct Google's 'helpful' correction to "Houston" initially. → "Chooston The Offspring Mental Health" First link is the user, and the indented link is his question to Dexter on the official Offspring Reddit. The song they refer to in their post is on KZbin, called "Behind Your Walls" and like their original version of Gone Away should theoretically be more of a talking points reaction than turning off the alarm bells reaction.

[@johnobrien6080]

Amanda it's been awhile, since I cimed in!! I just got out of a hospital becuz I tried to end it!!! My hope, loss, and life, was to much!! I'm trying to rebuild, it's so hard!! I hope I can do it! Thank you for this channel, and all your followers, I'm trying!!!

[@MentalAmanda]

I know you can do it! We've got your back!

[@goosesayshonk9781]

A friend of my parents killed himself a month ago, my parents and he was veterans, he faught in Bosnia with my father and struggled for years. Depression is a hard thing, but there is alot of help around.

[@MentalAmanda]

[@dannyshirley1858]

I feel it is necessary to say, he went back to his greatest failure, in his mind, to atone for losing them, or failing them

[@whillsack]

Thank you! I will share, please share a story that maybe apply.☺️ God I’d a big part of my life, it’s just so hard to feel his warmth right now. All I want is a nice big warm bear hug of safety 🙏

[@Ray.Stanley.TalkTube.R.S.F]

My whole family served in the military and I've served multiple terms and going start of by saying my Rank and branch doesn't matter and I'm not a hero and I've watched both of my real blood Brothers die in front of me and and my brother's and sister's in arms and I have ptsd and every day set and say is today the day I eat this bullet as I put the bullet that I have my name wrote on in side the gun and that's a daily basis for me .. even though we not there we never leave from there it's always playing inside our minds just like we still there .. thank you for what you do and again I'm not a hero

[@MentalAmanda]

No true hero sees themselves as a hero. I can't fathom the trauma and sorrow you've witnessed and it breaks my heart that you feel so hopeless. However, there are thousands upon thousands of veterans who witnessed similar atrocities and have found healing. I promise it's possible and we are here to help and support you 💖

[@UncleD153]

USMC 0352 ‘86 - ‘90. Thanks to all my brothers and sisters, who made the ultimate sacrifice to protect our nation. Everyone needs to reach out and have the government spend a lot more money on veterans coming home. An average of 23 veterans a day take their life due to the lack of funding, or caring from our government.

[@thekingslime8334]

"hero of war" by rise against. fantastic song even better message. shows a light from the 'hero' perspective involving regret and grief.

[@masterlaw1334]

My grandfather on my mother's side was a Vietnam war veteran. He died in the hospital. Cancer took him from me. I was there minutes before he passed. I want everyone to know that I'm in tears writing this, because I can't let go of family members that I lost. But at the same time, the void it leaves is so large, and I wanted to end it all, so many times. I've coped as much as I can, and so far, it's working out. Remember: Wounds heal. Scars don't. And I've lost a lot of family over the years. So coping with this was and still is one of the hardest things I've ever done. Thankfully, my family that remain help me so much with this. Shoulders to cry on, something to take out my frustration(I don't hit my family, even if it could work out for me. I see it as vile and wrong.), they've kept me from ending it all. It's been a long and hard road, but I'm able to live my life without fear of those thoughts resurfacing. I owe them so much.

[@masterlaw1334]

I dream that I’m scuba diving in my grandpa Joe’s pool, only to wake up and realize and remember. He’s gone. He died. He can’t come back. Every time I dream of this I wish I could dive and talk to him. One last time.

[@MentalAmanda]

My dad was also a Vietnam vet. We're never meant to let them go. Their energy will always be here. We just have to find ways to tap into it! How do we honor them and share their love and wisdom with the world?

[@masterlaw1334]

@@MentalAmanda I try to keep on living. As hard as that can be sometimes.

[@MentalAmanda]

@@masterlaw1334 I understand that sentiment all of too well.

[@DiligentDave1966]

This version is definitely better than the original. FFDP give much respect to service members, veterans and their families.

[@dinorains9145]

I spent 30 years serving this country starting with Operation desert Storm the in Bosnia Somalia and six tours during Iraqi and enduring freedom 3 in Afghanistan three in Iraq and I've buried 53 friends of mine for paying the ultimate price defending this country I memorialize them all in a tattoo that sleeves my entire right arm so I will always remember them everyday of my life is a fight not to go join them other than my life I had nothing to lose I sat on the plane waiting on the other soldiers to be welcomed home by their family members so I could slip into the crowd and disappear since I knew there was nobody there at all to ever welcome me home and I fight every day of my life with those memories and the things we had to do to protect each other and come home and we came home to a government that could care less if we ever came home at all the people of this country were grateful to us but the politicians aren't every time there's a war the politicians make a profit and so do the weapons manufacturers off the blood of patriots

[@MentalAmanda]

Thank you for your service. If I could have, I would have been there to greet you with a thank you and a hug. My son can grow up free and safe because of your service and others like you.

[@cm2usn65]

Did 5 deployments in 9 years. 1 son army, 2 sons Marines, daughter in the air force. This hits hard.

[@MentalAmanda]

Thank you for your service and your continued contribution through being a parent. As well as your children's service.

[@zackkullis5555]

This video always leaves me absolutely gutted.

[@TheScorpio1999]

Interesting take on this song; I'm not that big on FFDP, but they really did a good job on this cover. You mentioned survivor's guilt, and that brought a memory to me from 2004 when my cousin died in a car crash, and I remember almost fainting at his casket thinking "that was supposed to be me in there, not you. This isn't real. This isn't happening." The sense of dissociation overwhelmed me, and I had to walk away. I'm coping better these days, but that was a very tough loss to get through.

[@MentalAmanda]

Very proud of you for pressing forward through that. I know it's VERY dizzying!

[@B0mber44]

I bet you’d appreciate a song called Over You by Daughtry. Just the passion in his voice alone will grip your heart. Daughtry has a lot of variety in themes, messages and stories in his songs, so if you listen to more than one, there’ll be more to relate to. But Over You is the best place to start. I hope you consider it, cheers and G’day from Australia 🇦🇺

[@joshuaanderson1197]

While I love this version and thank FFDP for bringing yet more attention to Veterans... Gone away is a cover by offspring. It's a song about the lead singer' Dexter, coping with his at-the-time girlfriend’s tragic death in a car crash. He sings it with such power and emotion. I hope you check it out, even if you don't react to it.

[@rbngarza]

Thank You.