Fixing Shadiversity's TERRIBLE Novel (review part 3/3)

Final part of the Shadow of the Conqueror book review, where I cover the ways I'd (easily, light work) fix Shadow of the Conqueror and the entire Chronicles of Everfall series as a whole. I also take comments and reactions from chat, edited down for ease of viewing
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[@thebigshep]

Lol if this video is nearly as successful as the last 2, this thumbnail is probably the most eyes any of my art, meme or not, has ever gotten-- thanks 😂

[@westsidetyler]

It's the Westside way.

[@dantheman2907]

It's well deserved, Shep! It's a part of Westside history.

[@rockmangurlx4973]

At least you don’t rely solely on AI.

[@rylanasher4756]

It's a cool illustration Shep 👍

[@EggheadsGuide]

I feel like Shad's response to "and then he has a emotional understanding and bonding with his brother blackheart." would simply be "I don't know that sounds gay."

[@SnakeWasRight]

I can't help but think Shad's Mormon faith has totally warped his ideas of what forgiveness and redemption should be. I know it's a big thing in Mormon churches that abuse victims NOT forgiving their abuser is considered more disruptive and disrespectful than the abuse itself. Which is something the main character rants about over and over and over. He's like, "I'm good now, get over it gawwwwd! I already feel super bad about it, that's punishment enough!"

[@leichtmeister]

Have to hate religion.

[@meltedWax169]

What ? ​@@leichtmeister

[@jafaral-z1090]

@@leichtmeister if you consider the mormons religious and not complete nut-cases then i don't wanna see what happens to you when you meet the god you claim to worship

[@uncabob214]

As an actual Aussie, I can tell you why Shad was never ruthlessly bullied by bogans. He lived in fucking Canberra. That place is just a big politician containment circle.

[@Lymmar]

Ship him off to fucking Adalaide.

[@Biodebatable]

It is, but it's also filled with pothead lefties (nothing but love to em, I'd need to be high having to mingle with pollies). Canberra all in all is pretty left leaning, he also grew up in Victoria for a while. Fucker needs a beer and a full watch of Priscilla, queen of the desert clockwork Orange style

[@ctdaniels7049]

Me, a non-Australian: A bogan is one of those shapeshifting goblins that lives in your cupboards right?

[@TheHansJailbird]

@@ctdaniels7049 Close enough

[@ArchieRatsworth]

@@ctdaniels7049 It's like an Australian trailer park dweller or something. Bad teeth, drunk, either cheerful or screaming at you.

[@mayajade6198]

Before even watching this video I'm gonna give my take on how to fix Shadow of the Conquerer: Dalen never gets reborn in a new body and never gets off the wagon in the beginning. Instead, after he beats the kid's ass, the kid begs him to train them in swordfighting while they're on the road to the end of the world, and through interacting with this kid, Dalen begins to find joy in life and care for something other than himself, and begins to wonder if maybe redemption could be possible for someone as terrible as him. Then, as they near the end of the world, the kid somehow learns who he is, and confronts him in horror, and demands that Dalen explain why they shouldn't kill him where he sits right now. Dalen tries to defend himself, telling the kid that his days of killing are over, that he regrets his actions, that killing him now won't undo any of the harm he did, nor will it spare anyone from any harm he may commit in the future, and that instead he hopes to do good. Maybe he tells the kid he's come to see them as like a child of his own. Then the kid reveals that they _are_ his child, one of his many bastard children, who grew up an outcast with a mother who could never truly love them because their very existence was a reminder of what she experienced. Maybe the kid is a girl, who knows exactly what Dalen did to people just like her, and what people like him continue to do just as he did. Maybe she wanted to become a swordfighter to rid the world of those very people, and now she has the worst of them at her absolute mercy. He tries to convince her that he's a changed man, maybe he even tells her that taking out her vengeance on him will only lead her down her own path of destruction, that even if she kills the most evil person alive, she can never come back from becoming a killer, and that her sense of justice will only delude her into becoming just as megalomaniacal as he was. But she doesn't care. She kills him in cold blood, and the whole story ends there, leaving the reader to wonder what her fate really ended up being. Now I'm off to watch the video and see what you come up with.

[@mayajade6198]

Now that I've fiished the video, your version has the benefit of actually capturing a lot of the appeal that it seems like Shad _wanted_ to evoke with his book. Mine has the advantage of being way shorter. Also your australian accent sounds like it's from a Letterkenny skit.

[@namkia205]

This would have been a very great metaphorical short story

[@neurofiedyamato8763]

Straight forward but I like this a lot more. Its interesting, keeps the original intention, and leave it to the viewer in who is right and what happens in thebfuture

[@PixelHeroViish]

And all this just off the top of your head? Absolutely fantastic, I think the story playing out this way would've been much more effective in the end and added some real confrontation with consequences of one's actions

[@velociraptor3313]

A nice little short story, I like it.

[@ericsmith5919]

Here's my rewrite: Chapter 1. Dalen gets on a cart, goes to the edge of the world, jumps off and dies. The End.

[@astrotrek3534]

Chapter 1. Dalen gets on a cart, the screen fades from black to a grey, snow covered landscape. "Hey you, you're finally awake. You were trying to cross the border right? Walked right into that Imperial ambush, same as us. And that thief over there."

[@SifGreyfang]

And Shad had the nerve to complain about Elden Rings narrative.

[@Metal_Maoist]

Only one child gets sexually assaulted! What were they thinking

[@koshetz]

Honestly i didn't know Shad had a book but after hearing his Elden Ring takes i was definitely horrified what kind of book man with those takes will wrote

[@alexandremattos6182]

Was comming to say that. I've seen some of his videos in medieval archtecture etc, but when I saw that Elden Ring video was like a self dunk of a mejor level. Like shouting to the internet "I have poor midia literacy and can't follow a narrative if I'm not spoon fed"

[@zenbear9952]

@@alexandremattos6182 That little tidbit is indicitive of his writing in his book where he has to go into detail and describe everything all the time, literally spoon feeding the audience. Like bro let some things hang to let the reader come to their own conclusions

[@patrickbarrio101]

@@koshetz is there a video on those takes?

[@fabioeliasreisritter8827]

The shad's impfession is chef's kiss lmao

[@pegasBaO23]

Your rewrite is no longer really a story of redemption, which what the book is conceptually suppose to be. Though as far as the recaps I've heard go tho Daelyn really doesn't really redeem himself, he just kills a bunch of people guilty of the same crime.

[@FrozEnbyWolf150]

As a freelance editor, one of the manuscripts I rejected did something similar to this book. Rather than writing a redemption arc, the author took a genuinely awful person and just made them the designated hero. It was a self-insert power fantasy where the protagonist learned to take pride in being a mass murderer. The author seemed to think that as long as this character was the hero, anything they did was morally righteous by default. This seems to be a common problem with fantasy authors who completely lack in self awareness.

[@rigen97]

To lesser extent I definitely had written something like that, where events "happens" to the MC instead of a result of their decision. The MC is a passive observer of their own mistakes and forgiveness were granted to them because they can't be at fault of something that "happened" to them, can they? It's an absolution from the "crime" of free will. It makes more sense if the writer is a teenager whose world really did "happen" upon them.

[@rockmangurlx4973]

I’ve noticed that seems to be a problem in general in some genres, especially with certain tropes.

[@VenathTehN3RD]

Ah, the good old Protagonist-Centered Morality trope. It's not WHAT someone does that's wrong, but rather WHO happens to be doing it. If the protagonist does it then it's right, if the antagonist does it then it's wrong, even if they're doing the exact same thing for the exact same reasons.

[@rockmangurlx4973]

@@VenathTehN3RD exactly this method of thinking is not good

[@jafaral-z1090]

i find it quite insane that someone who'd be interested in writing, couldn't possibly understand why what they're writing is so awful or unjustifiable, i've recently read no longer human and the reason why that book works is that he KNOWS he's a messed up individual, you pity him because it was cause by a lack of friends and support for when osamu was molested, but he's pitied, not forgiven even by himself, even as he killed himself

[@OlgaZuccati]

If Shad wrote a story of a cartoonishly evil guy who SAs and murders people with a bunch of eugenics experiment sons who have super powers because they're children of this guy, he would write Baki The Grappler

[@vileluca]

Lmao

[@marocat4749]

Ha, true. through could he write yiuchiro hanma as oddly likable bastard?

[@marocat4749]

I just thought of it, invincible?

[@teslashark]

@@marocat4749 Thragg will say it's a bit much

[@kimkillillasfuq8212]

​@marocat4749 Omniman cried when he beat up his son. Shad's character be like "I dont have a fucking son" stabs his son

[@chocodoco4855]

Careful there, Shad might see this video and use his artistic eye to AI art some plot points.

[@justaghostinthesea]

I think this got under Shad's skin, because he just uploaded a video called "What do people really think of my book?" Congratulations dude!

[@PixelHeroViish]

I'm assuming his Video on it was him cherry picking stilted sounding reviews that he agreed with and that are basically sucking up to him, rather than actually being truthful. Call it a hunch

[@JoseTheKraken]

@@PixelHeroViish or they were just bots

[@irrevenant3]

That sounded like it could potentially be a good story but IMO it's not actually fixing Shad's novel, it's writing a different one. The core of Shad's novel is: You have this guy who was an absolute monster and wants to redeem themself. If you want to fix the story I don't think you can just swap him out as protagonist. What you *can* do is have him genuinely face up to what his done and have the rest of the world hold him to account. I think it's okay if sometimes he's like "no, actually I was justified" so long as that's part an internal struggle/journey of growth.

[@jacksonhorrocks4281]

This is a far more legit take. If your idea of helping a story is basically just making your own take, then you're really just a client rather than a writer

[@leichtmeister]

The main problem is: He never had a reason to be this monster. According to Tylers review, he started a revolution as revenge for his family which got murdered by the authorities. Okay so far. Than he randomly goes ultra rapist...for reasons. That's a) nothing that happens and b) nothing that is redeemable.

[@irrevenant3]

@@leichtmeister There's basically two different approaches you can take there: (1) Show how he went from 'just' wanting revenge to becoming 'ultrarapist' so you can later deconstruct that, or (2) Don't even bother trying to explain it: He's a monster because he wanted to be. Then he reaches a point where he starts regretting what he's become. Either way, that core question of 'Can even a complete monster find redemption?' is your core hook, and the book sets out to explore that. What does redemption really *mean* and how can it be obtained? *Can* it?

[@leichtmeister]

@@irrevenant3 The hook just isn't real. This isn't a question. If you are evil just because you want to, there is no redemption. You aren't a sociopath and some day randomly decide: My brain chemistry is fixed now, I work as intended from now on and can stop from being evil because I want to. To achieve redemption, evil needs a solid reason. That's the reason, Vader can be redeemed, but Palpatine can't.

[@irrevenant3]

​@@leichtmeister Sociopaths can (and often do) choose to be valuable members of society. But that's an aside, since I don't think we're talking about literal sociopathy anyway. And now you have me wanting to write a Palpatine redemption story. 😄 I think such a thing would absolutely be possible. I assume that Palpatine is a person. I'm not sure we're on the same page here. What do you consider "redemption" to mean?

[@mtiffany71]

I stumbled across this video and wondered why this Shad guy sounded so familiar, and then remembered that during the height of the 'global unpleasantness of 2019-2021' the YT algorithm kept pushing him into my recommendations so I gave in and watched one of his videos and he kept going on and on about this fantasy castle he called 'honor guard.' I swear he repeated 'honor guard' like every two or three minutes and every time he said that phrase, he emphasized it in this odd way that gave some seriously creepy no-fap/mgtow/incel/red-pill vibes. Watching this, now it all makes sense.

[@TheOnlyPedroGameplays]

He used to just review and talk about swords 😭😭 it’s so sad

[@jafaral-z1090]

@@TheOnlyPedroGameplays i watched him even past 2019 but stopped when he associated with sargon of akkad, i don't really like people who hate me for my brownness ESPECIALLY him considering i'm iraqi but anyway, i never saw any warning signs that he was this demented and sick, i knew he was mormon and therefore likely crazy but still

[@PyrrhicPax]

You made enough changes to Shad's story that i think it could be its own IP. Call it "Shadow of Westside Tyler" lol 😂

[@westsidetyler]

Nooooooo lmao

[@kleokleokleokleokleo]

ngl i'd read the hell out of that Listening to this rewrite makes me want to start writing myself

[@rigen97]

Shadows of the Westsiders

[@tgs7515]

@@PyrrhicPax For real. Just listening to the setup of the re-write and it being about Daylis’s bastard children having to navigate a world where they bear the social responsibilities of their father’s atrocities while trying to make their own way / make things better / not fall into the same darkness is a sick as hell premise that needs to be written by someone who knows what they hell they’re doing.

[@Darilon12]

If you stick to the naming convebtion, it's "Westside Tylerow of the Conqueror"

[@dasme8210]

I really do think having protagonist the son of the evil tyrant is a far better foundation for this story if you wanted to keep the tyrant as irreprehensible as possible. There is a limit to how much a character can be redeemed and after a certain point the only thing they can do is atone and I imagine for most people SA is that point where people draw the line. Also more people are going to find this story format more relatable, unfortunately there's a lot of people who are related to or have parents who are totally irreprehensible people and so there is a natural theme of forgiveness, generational trauma, and the nature of anger/hate that can be explored.

[@nont18411]

“Having the protagonist the son of the evil tyrant” So…Star Wars

[@jafaral-z1090]

@@nont18411 hey! ergon was a total rip-off of starwars and it was good lol

[@canalsincontenido]

From 1 to legal action, how much would you hate if I just did the thing you pitched?

[@westsidetyler]

I can't stop you lmao, and I can't do it anyway because I've already "stolen" it from Shad lol

[@vileluca]

Shad's fine with stealing though, he uses AI to do it every day. It's ok Shad, you see it takes a lot of skill to turn your ideas into something actually good.

[@canalsincontenido]

@@westsidetyler I mean, I did ask about hate levels, I didn't see you as the "I'm gonna sue someone because they spent months making something related to an idea I threw online ages ago" type

[@westsidetyler]

Oh, lol, I thought you meant would I sue because your scale was "threatening legal action" or whatever lol

[@westsidetyler]

I wouldn't hate it at all

[@idnyftw]

...so it occured to me how Churrasians (sp) are essentially Filipinos, who are Asians and (sometimes) enjoy churros to go with their chocolate, and also darker skinned and can be tall (sometimes) and that side shaved haircut is kinda popular with (some) dudes around here nowadays

[@thevoidaintdeep6475]

Shad be listening to this like "hold on, you mean you can write a story without rape apologetics? Nah, you're crazy, dude "

[@bunnybreaker]

Kinda funny how he created this super shady universe... a Shadiverse if you will.

[@Mario_Angel_Medina]

The idea of Dayloss the Bastard, sky pirated extraordinaire sort of reminded me of Captain Harlock. This idea of a outlaw anarchist that values individuality (and integrity) over all else... I don't know, I feel that would be an archetype that you could make very Libertarian-leaning and still be compelling

[@idnyftw]

it's individualism done right

[@VelaiciaCreator]

Yeah.... that would have been a far better plot than what he plopped onto the pages. You would think with his love for Star Wars and his ideals as a father passing on the lessons necessary for one to become their own person, he would have considered such an idea. Like, redemption isn't the bad part of the deal... the PROBLEM is that his road to redemption would have to be exponentially longer than the average bad person. What we get REALLY doesn't cut it. Compare that to Rudeus Greyrat in Mushoku Tensei, where he's just a NEET with gross fetishes and understandings of sexuality. The man at the end of that story has confronted his faults, overcome the ones that are objectively bad, and did so much more good while also not actually committing the wrongs he was conditioned to gravitate to from his past life. It also helps that you aren't lectured about morality or the world in one big blurb. You are fed it in mouthfuls at a time.

[@KuromiMago]

Here I've find a comrade in reading.

[@VelaiciaCreator]

@@KuromiMago I read it the first time like 2013/2014. Twice more in (former)completion. Everything until the epilogue anyways.

[@Bloctus456]

I wonder how much this reflects on Shad's relationship with his family, his foray into art compared to his brother, the things he's focused on creating and volatile reaction to criticism is telling.

[@DaddyHensei]

He supposedly got divorced. So, maybe we’ll hear details from his ex wife soon. He’s not wearing his wedding ring anymore it seems.

[@rcarfang2]

@@DaddyHensei might be rumors. Although SHAD said PUBLICTY that He PARRENTAL BLOCKs disney and disney Jr. when he made videos saying Mario movie is WOKE and Disney is WOKE cause they taking Femininity away from girls.

[@TheOnlyPedroGameplays]

@@DaddyHenseithat’s sad

[@leichtmeister]

​@@TheOnlyPedroGameplaysMore like: good for his wife.

[@dancemacabre26]

The more he talks about Shad the better his Australian accent gets lmao

[@Nethan_The_Drawer]

Your version of the story is something i would read.

[@LostGuardsman]

Terrible book but I love your premises of what you would've done. I'd honestly love to hear your rewrites of other books, tv shows, and movies if your interested in starting a series like that I'd love to be a viewer. That said as terrible as shad is. Its pretty par for the course in fundamental Christianity at least in my experience in the South.

[@westsidetyler]

I'm for sure going to do more. Currently the discord is trying to get me to read/review Critical Drinker's book so that might be next lol

[@LostGuardsman]

@@westsidetyler sounds like an incredible idea keep it up hoss!

[@ponczos_2293]

​@@westsidetylerHas anyone there told you their opinions about them? I've heard that they're like Tom Clancy rip-off novels

[@AllyMonsters]

@@ponczos_2293 Yeah, they are more or less just the whole James Bond, Jason Borne, and Tom Clancy stories mushed together. Lot of stolen plot points and names and woefully uneducated economic/political understanding beyond just the logistical mess of it all.

[@Phantom_of_Black]

Having just caught up on the last 2 parts of Shad's book dissection - Shad strikes me as a guy who really enjoyed Jobless Reincarnation but instead of considering the sus, ew, horny shit as the steep price of admission for an otherwise good story like a normal person, those were all the parts that Shad really, really liked, and he didn't pay much attention to the character moments.

[@namkia205]

Omg it for sure reads like Jobless Reincarnation fanfic and it has like you said all the worst parts especially the pedophilia

[@SpaceDogLaika]

If you want a good pirate narrative similar to the one described in this video, watch One Piece (unironically). Luffy is a good-hearted himbo that takes no shit from the government or other pirates that are objectively bad people. Without all of the weird mormon rhethoric, of course.

[@westsidetyler]

I just caught up with the manga like a month ago

[@marocat4749]

oh so that daylyn is dany from game of thrones, basically as op anime protagonist. That sounds fun. Like he could even have a group of entourage clutching on him that want to influence him, like blackheart could be also one of them at first. and they backstab and intruige against each other so often that you cant trust anyone for sure. while the archknights try to kill him. And he could be use as tool for various plots. that could be cool.

[@mckenzie.latham91]

The real sad thing is your revised novel has a lot more potential than this shad ponce's entire premise I would add that maybe instead of just blackheart Dayless is forced to meet or encounters a number of his fellow bastards, some fairing better than others, while others are doing worse and he sees how they are treated by other people or how they act and he is torn between wanting to help his own flesh and blood but also realizing some of them are literally going the way of his father, and he must oppose them as well to prevent them going rogue or insane. And this makes him realize that sometimes you have to go agaisnt blood to do what's right, or sometimes safefices are justified if not bitter and weigh heavily on your conscience You know, The kind of decisions real leaders and heroes face everyday, I don't know but it feels like it would add something to show how other bastards are treated or how they deal with who they are and who their father was, so we could get into the topic of n sure vs nurture, genetics etc. And how sometimes you have to do things that are wrong but for right reasons etc. I think it would be also cool to see how some of these bastards are, so we can see what happens when you don't have someone decent like Auric to raise you. The basic things that make fantasy and drama interesting.

[@AtaraxianWist]

As an ex-Mormon, I think a lot of Shad's bad ideas stem from and/or were well-nurtured by Mormon soteriology-and, to a lesser extent, Christian soteriology in general.

[@gmromy6138]

The Setting Son. It's so bad it's perfect

[@MasterOfBaiter]

Making the Mc one son of many who inherit the powers of their evil father and are thus potentially tempted by evil would literally be the baldurs gate 1 plot line.

[@t.mitchellb2766]

Shad was spoiled as a child, you can tell by the way he acts. It has made him a narcissist of the first order.

[@Tom-ze7pn]

Shad wrote Homelander without the awareness that Homelander is clearly the bad guy…

[@theamericannestormakhno2360]

You should make an animated parody series of shad with you voice acting shad cause you do his voice great

[@tindekappa9047]

I gotta disagree with your first sugestion of making the protagonist the guy's son. Just because the main theme of the book is redemption. I mean I didn't read it but obviously it's attempting to be a story about redemption. So if you make that change it becomes a different book completely. Which isn't exactly ''fixing'' it. Don't get me wrong this book might very well be unfixable because of that.

[@dante_0962]

To be honest I think the theme should be something completely different. Especially that Shad is a new writer and as far as I know he didn’t do any research or talk to victims for advice and kinda be he’s editor.

[@JackCharlesBrightwell]

From the sounds of your review I actually think I may of gotten an idea for a decent story about a depressed tyrannical king who on his way to commit suicide loses a sword fight to a young novice, this starts to re-kindle his love for sword fighting. As he continues his journey he continues to re-learn how to be a fighter, and regains his passion for life and world and genuinely make him confront the results of his actions as a king and try to beg for forgiveness from the people he had ruined. By the time he makes it to the place where he wanted to die, he's changed his mind and can now now go on to give a humble life

[@1perspective286]

Your rewrite sounds amazing, but would you believe there is already a better version of this story? Mark Lawrence's Broken Empire trilogy is a fantasy tribute to Anthony Burgess's A Clockwork Orange. Jorg Ancrath is an absolute monster by the time he is thirteen years old, narrowly escaping the murder of his mother and brother to join a bandit band. It's set in a post apocalyptic world where physicists found a way for certain individuals to make thought into reality, essentially creating magic. Make no mistake, it's a brutal series, but if you can get past the first page then it is worth reading.

[@normtrooper4392]

I love the broken empire series. I thought it was a much better dark fantasy

[@1perspective286]

@@normtrooper4392 For reals. Not going to lie, the end was a little disappointing for me, but overall a fantastic series. I keep meaning to get into the rest of his novels, got to add those to the wishlist.

[@normtrooper4392]

@@1perspective286 I also felt the ending wasn't the best but over all, a very interesting idea to have a fantasy story be set after the apocalypse

[@1perspective286]

@@normtrooper4392 SPOILERS: I love the fact that magic is the actual cause of the apocalypse, not just a weird byproduct.

[@namkia205]

I had a fight with my boyfriend over this series lol

[@daefaron]

The problem with this fix is that Daylen loses fights/isn't the best ever! :P

[@benhayward2597]

Is it weird to say that when i saw that a guy famous for swinging swords around in his back garden had written a book that i assumed that he would have ripped off Conan the barbarian, not Brandon Sanderson and sprinkled it with Paedophilia.

[@steviegilliam5685]

the fact that you didn't have to do this but did it anyway is much appreciated

[@mckenzie.latham91]

I like it, it helps bolster his criticism and points against Shad it's one thing to criticize art or media It's another to criticize it then point out how it could be better and then allow people to imagine and see how right they are.

[@steviegilliam5685]

@@mckenzie.latham91 me personally I think it would have been better aa a psychological piece

[@JRTraas]

I appreciate that WT is, in real-time, coming up with a much, much better plot than the original - and explaining it well … while he’s only half-focused.

[@claudiuskeat8336]

You're rewritten story kinda dismissed the part of redeeming the worst man in history. But it's a thousand miles better than the actual Shadow of the Conqueror.

[@Shuizid]

If I understand it correctly, Shads book also isn't about redeeming Superhitler - but about "acktually everyone is happier thanks to him".

[@BlackjackaandHookers]

I think the idea of taking a generic Dark Lord BBEG like Sauron and giving them a redemption arc is at least a little interesting, so I wouldn't want to change that. But make them at least a little likeable! Just say he conquered a bunch of people and took away free speech and fucked the economy or whatever, but no one wants to read a redemption arc for a genocidal SA-er. And I despise his argument that "this is historically accurate I'm not pulling any punches this is what historical tyrants were actually like." First off your fantasy novel about magic and airships doesn't need to be historically accurate you dingbat and second, there are a ton of historical rulers you could look at who did some pretty messed up things but didn't go around chasing girls in pleated skirts.

[@dante_0962]

How is historical accuracy a good excuse? This book takes place in a different fantasy universe with technology from the future. Plus the real tyrants never got redemption.

[@ninnusridhar]

I have an alternative idea. What if, shad never wrote the book? Ps. If you really want to write the redemption arc of a monster, dont finish it within the first freaking book. Zuko needs 3 seasons in a 3 season show before he's redeemed, and even after that he still struggles to be accepted.

[@patrickbonnette1701]

I am not a lib and I read his entire book. Keep in mind I haven't read a proper book in awhile so I did not have a very good book to compare it too. Recently I had been listening to a lot of Dan Abnett 40k books. I think the world building was interesting but I was definitely weirded out about the amount of SA that was in this book and the fact that the book dedicated way too much time to it. I hope someone takes your idea for Everfall and makes a proper series.

[@matt_9112]

Pretty sure 99% of the population, no matter label or political coloure, are in the same boat as you (and I for that matter). After all, even in more "graphic" universes, e.g. ASOIAF, people like the Mountain or Ramsay Bolton aren't exactly the pivotal heroes of the story. And even a single, possible (not clear fact by any means) abduction of a minor, makes a prince charming like Rheagar Targearyan a hotly debated character.

[@C4MG1RL]

How to fix Shad's book: You ever heard of Baalspawn? The Dark Urge for a more recent example? You ever play the Sith Inquisitor story in Star Wars: The Old Republic? Valkorion? You're welcome.

[@vksasdgaming9472]

I think it was Bhaalspawn and they were many and it was not about trying to redeem Bhaal. The Nameless One redeems many.

[@DavidKyokushin]

It's here! Lets gooooo

[@SchwaWasHere]

0:13 oh that impersonation is on POINT 🤣🤣

[@thetruegoldenknight]

Between the whole AI discussion, and now this...I almost feel like the first 10 seconds is some roasting satire. That aside, now I *really* want to make a book specifically from the first-person perspective of a legit psychopath. The whole "I can't help it" part sounds a lot like hardwired personality traits. Yeah, they literally *can not help it.* That's what mental illness IN GENERAL is like! From the mildest cases of anxiety to the nastiest sadists, it's all hardwired. (Well, most of it...some of that anxiety does come from circumstances, so I can see why people would debate. But even then, those afflicted by "anxiety" can't simply tell the pounding heart to stop and expect it to magically obey.) And dude, let me tell you, the first time I tugged the stinger was 17. So don't go bashing on the fact that teens get those feelings, because they 110% do. Not gonna lie, a hypothetical wife cosplaying Supergirl would be cute. Doubly in that bedroom context. And I don't care how much anyone would love-to-hate me for it, because nuance. For both your talk about teens, and my own starting point, I think we should read *A Clockwork Orange* as that's got some of that same edgy material in it...and yes, I specifically mean the book, not the movie.

[@namkia205]

In the book Alex is only 14 and later 15 he may show signs of ASPD but he's not as bad as Daylen and this says a lot 😂

[@obamabiden]

vis a vis why shad made him evil in these specific ways, i have a very boring theory that he wanted to write like, a redemption story and wanted to make the guy do as evil stuff he could think of, but still wanted him to be redeemed by the end of the story. but didn't really have the creative skills to do the first fully, or the second uh.. pretty much at all, and so ended up with the character just being a pedophile and it never beinf examined at all like, i do think he just thought "i want a fantasy story thay doesn't have fantasy stuff i dislike" and also "i like the idea of an evil overlord being redeemed" and that was it

[@Youcancallmeishmaell]

He tried to right an even more hardcore version of Dalinar Kholin from the Stormlight Archive. But without the talent.

[@theartfulsage8625]

Definitely self loathing…but with fits of confusing frustration that stems from hiding guilty pleasures from friends and family

[@maximeteppe7627]

Shad, for all his flaws, wanted to explore whether the worst person could possibly be redeemed. As a non-religious person, I feel like redemption is irrelevant, the dude is dangerous, lock up his ass so he can't hurt anyone else. Still, the author's extreme bigotry and bad taste aside, I feel like it's a worthwhile premise. and very different from what you propose, where a young man inherits the consequences of someone else's evil acts -an equally worthwhile premise. I had the reverse, the dictator's mentor (basically Karl Marx) has a chance to go against his mentee (basically Staline), and has to parse which is the fault of Staline himself, and what is a fundamental flaw in his political theory, and how he and his views have to change to fix the dystopia. But now my question is, how can you actually execute decently on that original premise where the dictator is the one having a chance at redemption? First, obviously, you have to be tasteful, which means no graphic SA. Your character needs an actual reason to change their views. Maybe the story starts as they've just been deposed, they try to end their life, and they gain the light powers that make them some sort of empath, who feels the suffering of others, of which he is responsible. Now the question is, are they selfish when they try to fix the suffering they caused, or are they genuinely changed now? And rather than being the smartest inventor best duelist, the character should have moral qualities to make them compelling despite their hateful past, and also they need a rationale for the worst that they've done, rather than boredom. Some specific dark impulse they are working against rather than generally being the worst person ever. Possibly, your character stays old and isn't able to dismiss their body ravaged by years of alcoholism and substance abuse and whatnot. If the character really gets younger, the character is fully sent back to their youth and rediscovers the people he originally fought for, and tries to become worthy of their love as he tries to save them from their original fate he discovers empathy and that he needs them to stay sane rather than than a megalomaniac high on vengeance, rage and hatred. Finally, if you feel like combining Ideas, you make the character come back as his own mentor rather than as his younger self, and he both sees the stupidity, arrogance and seeds of evil of his former self, but also the embers of empathy that he has to preserve in his younger self, and reignite in his older self.

[@ruki4929]

It inspired me enough to make a book blurb; The king is dead. With no true heir, 100 bastard sons fight for the crown. Daynil, one of many, beings to ask the question: how do you kill a tyrant? Should anyone hold such power? For no matter who next takes the throne, they will always be standing in the Shadow of the Conquerer.

[@Narrative_Ink]

Imma write this. Just call it The Darkness of the Emperor.

[@tjmixmasta]

Bro, the story you told in this video was really good; and we're getting it for free?? 🙊

[@westsidetyler]

First taste is always free

[@callumbiasnow4825]

What you’ve got to remember about his writing style is obviously his fave book, some parts written over 2000 years ago, is exactly the same. Drivel repeated and contradicted constantly and a lot of the time with no real narrative. It amazes me that people who can read actually attempt to follow the bible

[@VindensSaga]

There are mutliple ways to write and make a redemption story and Shad did one of the worst I have ever seen. It is so weird.

[@jeremylackey6587]

Chuck tingle can write a book about a sexy veloceraptor meeting a pair of interdimensional boxers, and its high art by comparison to Shads writing.

[@destitution25]

personally i think a more interesting idea to do with the eugenics black magic children is to let them kinda be a backup plan and that might allow for dayless to be revived through his children

[@georgesears934]

15:33 You might wanna reconsider that proposal, as that would imply half-sibling incest.

[@jy3n2]

A piece of advice for Shad: If you want your story to have moral ambiguity, and you want to not have readers think you're endorsing a particular viewpoint, maybe consider *writing a magic system in which a person's moral balance is not an empirical fact.*

[@Jolis_Parsec]

Wow, just listened to the trio of videos on Shad’s book and all I can say is wow, just wow. Pretty sure having Shadow of the Conqueror on one’s own bookshelf is akin to having a certain failed Austrian painter-turned-genocidal madman’s memoirs on one’s own bookshelf, just saying. 😬

[@Henbot]

After watching Banner Under Heaven and my own knowledge of Mormons. Especially the more hardline stuff it makes a lot of sense the violence and misogyny and prejudice is very much part of the religion

[@Doctor_Devil]

theres little ways to school a mf that go harder than writing a better book than him while getting your shit beaten in a souls-like

[@legendnodensetsu8423]

I think his novel could just have been, Dayless is tinker(er?) so he could have found and experimented with something vile and corrupted that turned him evil, and he was already a strong powerful man, king of something. It turned him into a tyrant who conquered lots of places, did his unspeakable acts, etc. But then it wears off when he's old and he realizes he's himself again. He's filled with regret. He struggles with his weak body, shaky hands, bad eyesight, etc. to find a way to undo what he's done, but how? That's when he finds a way to make himself young again, somehow. Maybe sometime he remembers "positive memories" of bad things he did to add more depth? Like being delighted with violence and finishing off people he fights but he didn't need to kill them? Or he sees women and gets sick fantasies about committing SA, and in both cases he's like "wtf?? why am I like this?? must be the vile influence whatever". I dunno. Just throwing ideas like that.

[@tentacle_bear6941]

Hell I can see a path where he could rework what he has and make it viable. As I imagine a part of the hyperbolic evil guy being changed for the better by the light is part of his “Mormonism saves” shtick. So, simply play really hard into the fact that the conquerer is just so removed from his own humanity that he’s almost alien to begin with, where he can’t even really understand most emotions now. Then have his redemption start rough. Like maybe the reason why he just murders folk is that he’s going through the motions without understanding why necessarily. Like he just asked his companions what they would do to various criminals and he takes their exaggerated punishments and displays of disgust as the only punishments appropriate for the crime. But through the guidance of the light and those around him he’s able to slowly, piece by piece regain parts of the man that was lost all those years ago. Could even take it in an almost “reborn” angle.

[@Iwillreply]

I had commented elsewhere that several "parts" could've been changed to at least make the story not feel like the protag got EVERYTHING he wanted. One idea was to have him become young, get his powers (unimportant), and do some hero stuff, revealing who he is, and stating that he's changed. Following that, he gets rejected, and the people want his head, so he flees, not out of fear, but of embarrassment. He then could decide to be "The Stranger" or "The Shadow" and basically be a "hero" that nobody knows the identity of. This would allow for the power fantasy while maintaining the "hidden" identity detail (Likely the people he revealed himself to start to believe it was something like a prank/lie (that Daylon was young, and had returned). This would've also allowed for some more conflict in the MC to confess to those he later surrounds himself with, but not wanting to get rejected again. Also, you could still have the end be those who he hurt coming forward, and maybe now, all those he helped. Idk how the "trial" would end, but maybe there could a deeper dive into Daylon's psychology, and the reasons behind his extremely terrible behavior could be explored. Also, maybe he "accepts" the judgment, despite the people he "saved", and maybe there is one day a need for him in their world. Plenty of the world is left unexplored, and we don't know the real impact his disappearance 20 years ago had.

[@normtrooper4392]

Shad lacks the self awareness to actually write a good novel.

[@UniGya]

Personally I wouldn't go for the son angle, I would go for making the main character one of Dalus's generals (maybe his top guy, even go a little on the nose and be like "he was known as the Shadow of the Conqueror because wherever Dalus went he followed" to go with the metaphorical meaning of the title of the book) and he wasn't as bad as Dalus but he did some bad things directly while turning a blind eye to Dalus's corruption. Like he was Dalus's best friend when they overthrew the nobility and at first his own anger with them allowed him to justify the evil Dalus had them commit but even when Dalus started going too far his loyalty to his old friend made him turn aa blind eye to it. Then instead of giving him super powers give him the curse of immortality and whenever he sleeps he has to live through the experiences of people who suffered under Dalus's cruelty, from slaves and peasants who starved to death to civilians who were slaughtered and their homes pillaged by armies he led to possibly even implying but not directly showing him living the memories of people who had been SA'd by his soldiers or by Dalus. He's cursed when he tries to unalive himself and the only way to break the curse is to right the wrongs he committed. You can even use this as an excuse to de-age him, although I'd go for like his mid 20s instead of 17. And don't make the immortality that strong, like he's immune to harm but rather if he would die he'd just go unconscious and regenerate over the next couple days. We can still let him be a badass fighter but only strong with experience and not because he has light magic BS

[@quincygraham71]

You created a better book in 30 minutes. Lol

[@dancinbojangles]

Shadiversity should be isekai'ed into the body of a schoolgirl named Sha'Diversity to learn a couple lessons before writing his next novel.

[@Mizizi96]

Your version of Shadow of the Conqueror sounds so much more interesting than Shads, I wish you would have written it.

[@claudiuskeat8336]

fukkin hell. Your Shad impression is uncannily accurate and freakin funny!

[@ST0PM0SS]

So shad should just write a gender swap steven universe AU fanfic?

[@G.A.C_Preserve]

There's such fabric?

[@patrickbarrio101]

essentially the bhaal crisis from baldurs gate 1 and 2.

[@Waffeln-haus]

It's interesting to hear about this book, because I don't think it's a bad concept. Redemption arcs are really engaging when they're done well. That said, it seems like this guy threw his first draft out the door because of how thoroughly the story seems to have failed at its premise. The guy has done too many awful things to ever be redeemed, and the story isn't interested in the work you need to capture the soul searching necessary for this trope.

[@ecisme10]

I can't believe how much better all of this sounds.

[@synegg9414]

Wow your plot redo not only fixes everything bad about Shad’s original but is genuinely amazing in its own right! I was a longterm fan of Shad’s fantasy weapons content but sadly it got weird and weirder and I had to unsubscribe. In hindsight this book was the start of the downfall… thanks for giving me closure seriously I mean that! Keep being awesome!!

[@secretsquirrel726]

I've told him before that I would proofread his next novel. Read some of the Shadow and thought it could be improved.

[@secretsquirrel726]

I've almost finished the book. Its kind of a rough go, but there are plots, and a hero arc. Shad said the protagonist was as mess, but he's a gratuitous mess. Its like the orgy of evidence from the Minority Report. Guy comes off as a little unreal.

[@rylanasher4756]

I think your commentary regarding serial killers, although insightful in a manner, is a bit egregious, and maybe even irresponsible. But I am glad you specified that you dont think Shad is a serial killer. I definitely understand that Shad exposes himself as a... maladjusted personality... and he definitely has very little self-awareness. He is an emotional man, likely navigating the world through how his feelings are affected, but I don't conceive of him as a predatory agent, at least not without hard evidence. The Mormon church, and the religious authority his parents were inevitably conduits for have a lot to answer for. It is possible Shad is revealing certain abberant proclivities, but it is just as possible he is attempting to be "edgy." I mean, he already says he has very little love for modern media with its sanitisation regarding a "political narrative". "The Shadow of the Edgelord" may just be a reactionary work, where the author is attempting to innoculate the reigning social conceit with gratuitous deviant content. I accept I have no evidence either way, only Shaddy-Babes knows his true intent. And none of this diwcussion truly reflects on the artistic value of the work... of which there is, admittedly, a limited amount. Great content regardless, my dude ❤

[@JoseRS1186]

Dude the voices you do are fucking killing me

[@obiwanshinobi87]

That imitation is spot on

[@stevenpeffley3839]

Shad was raised by Mor(m)ons; the space jesus cult; of course he's at least mildly sociopathic.

[@theressomelovelyfilthdownh4329]

Shad is the Garth Marenghi of fantasy/sci-fi. Prove me wrong...

[@UmahBunny]

why are you so good at mimicking his voice 💀

[@tarvoc746]

3:11 - 7:02 Westside Tyler sums up the lore of Hollow Knight.

[@theressomelovelyfilthdownh4329]

The more I hear about Shad's book, the more I think of it as just a really shitty rip off of Druss the legend by David Gemmell. Mashed together with Star Wars, a load of other random crap, and penned by Garth Marenghi.

[@l0rf]

I kind of feel like writing the story you described just out of pure spite to see if I could do it better.

[@thetruegoldenknight]

In hindsight, especially with that ending, omitting the pet, I would LOVE you to do a roast of me. :D

[@SafeDang3r]

It really seems that despite Shad's supposed expertise in HEMA he really cant write combat for shit. There actually is a semi decent fantasy series that provides really good combat descriptions using HEMA techniques called the Traitor Son Cycle for those interested.

[@CD-zd6zr]

Large parts of the HEMA community hate Shad's take on swordsmanship, so....

[@neilkirkley1500]

Shit man that story proposal sounds rad as fuck, I would definitely read that, or listen to it anyway, Audible FTW.

[@lady_draguliana784]

25:00 My dad would've said that Shad "Needs a life-changing whuppin'"

[@dante_0962]

I feel like this is something that isn’t brought up a lot as far as I seen. And that this is he’s FIRST book! Not saying that as a defence but as a criticism. Because this a large topic that an experienced and someone who actually understands them should write with someone giving them approval and most importantly advice. Because you can’t just immediately jump into something like r@pe as new inexperienced writer. And expect to be this amazing, greatly written story ever. And I think he should have changed the main character from tyrant to an infamous priate with the kingdom collapsing and early form of democracy being born. As the government has changed so he and he’s crew try to adapt into this “new world”.

[@inkticious5787]

What game is this?? :o Awesome videos btw

[@westsidetyler]

Lies of P! It's a super-difficult souls-like

[@inkticious5787]

@@westsidetyler sounds neat! :o

[@ewfisher89]

I understand that not everyone likes the same things, but I rather enjoyed the book. Enough that after reading the ebook version that I went ahead and bought a physical copy.

[@westsidetyler]

Which part did you like

[@ewfisher89]

@westsidetyler most of what I liked was towards the end of the book. Daylen fighting the Shade and splitting the floating island to save the city, the fight with Ahrek, and Daylen's trial were my favorite parts.

[@westsidetyler]

Why did you like Daylens trial?

[@ewfisher89]

@westsidetyler it showed how he was finally willing to face the consequences of his actions. Before the Knights put the shackle things that stopped his power on him, Daylen could have easily escaped and fled, but he allowed himself to be held for trial. And during the trial he never once denied or tried to excuse his actions, validating and giving a measure of closure to those he wronged. And how worn down he was physically and emotionally by the end showed that he finally understood just how evil he had been, and that he now felt genuine remorse. At least, that was how I interpreted it.

[@medvedec]

Haven't laughed so hard in a while 😂 . Shad deserves to be dunked on for his "unorthodox" beliefs .

[@cooldogspot4855]

I should say, i agree with 99.7 percent of your analyis of this deep rooted cringe, except the part about the churrow-clothing thing. Its described something like jewelry meant go accentuate a person's "assets." So i think its less of an asian fetish and more like return of the jedi awoken something in him and his mind went straight to jabba and leia.

[@JoseRS1186]

Yeah but Leia's metal bikini and even Jabba himself are a deethnicized trope. She's the Persian belly dancer slave being held by her opium smoking sheik master. It's orientalism since the writers of that era of pulp kind of just smooshed Asia and the Middleeast together as this one big scandalous world. Fantasy writers took elements of that and put them in their science fantasy stories.