Florida Man Friday Episode 17: A Sort of Christmas Edition

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[@brainblaze6526]

Go to surfshark.com/blaze for 4 extra months of Surfshark at an unbeatable price!

[@hakeem311]

I hope in opposition to this Tangent free episode on April 1st we get a tangent only episode

[@buckyhermit]

Isn't that just the Blaze livestream?

[@ash710]

0:29 there’s a jk. The tangents are intact, but it looks like he’s looking the wrong way.

[@alexanderharvey6407]

But for real, a tangent only episode would be wild. Probably wouldn't do well, but can you imagine just clip after clip of Simon turning to the face the camera and ramble off some personal story with zero context?

[@breahzelbubkunda]

Omg yas 😂😂😂

[@SaiakuNaSenshu]

Every cut tangent they can find would be fun

[@SegwayBossk]

Florida man here, thank you Simon for giving me something to watch on my last day with my 19 year old cat. I know it's just a video but at least I have something to help

[@janewayofchaos3255]

Condolences to you and everyone who loves your fur baby.

[@rawr51919]

Hope she enjoys her last day on this earth with ya. May she RIP, condolences from all us fellow Blazers

[@zackmnr19]

Love you, buddy.

[@markthetrois420]

Bruz I just had to lose a cat to kidney failure. Happened fast. Im sorry for your loss, friendo.

[@jooleebilly]

I think I watched Simon with my Cinnamon Girl Lisa in my lap on her last day. It's rough. I don't envy you, but at least the kitty knows they're loved.

[@aalhard]

With a dead tangent cam, I see Simon alone on a park bench throwing tangents at pigeons 😂😂😂

[@YochevedDesigns]

🎶"Feed the birds, tuppence a bag. Tuppence, tuppence, tuppence a bag." 🎶

[@HellFaust84]

Simon on a park bench, just yelling at birds.

[@artemis.nnnnnbbbbb]

i didn't know the livestream viewers where pigeons

[@adamwhite2364]

​@@HellFaust84telling the pigeons about taking his kids to the cottage and having one of them do something cute while the other does something mildly infuriating 😅

[@DarthReaper4500]

Tangentless blazing? That's half of the magic gone!

[@HoundMonkey]

The tangents are 90% of why we watch

[@DarthReaper4500]

Well yes, but i don't want to make Kevin think he's less loved than our blazeboi ​@@HoundMonkey

[@kathryncumberland]

Except the tangents apparently were not actually removed? I'm very confused...

[@DarthReaper4500]

@@kathryncumberland yeah. Just the camera used for tangents was cut 😂

[@kathryncumberland]

@@DarthReaper4500 Oh, I get it, lol! I'm a bit slow on the uptake sometimes.

[@olencone4005]

If someone ever says "back in my day, they didn't DO crazy stuff like that" -- this Florida Man story from 1958 is a great way to remind them that yes, yes they did 😅

[@Christian-is-thriving]

My family has been here since 1946. It's always been like this.

[@olencone4005]

@@Christian-is-thriving Yep! My parents had some stories from North Florida in the 1930's and 40's that would fit right in with any other Florida man story from the last few years hehe!

[@MrBrick1981]

I sit here in South Florida, and anxiously await every installment of these. One day.. One day.. it's going to be somebody I know

[@Ebonydoe]

I keep waiting for the day my former brother or his female end up on here

[@rcknbob1]

@@Ebonydoe Former brother? Can someone be fired from that job?

[@jenna6149]

​@rcknbob1 not OP but yes siblings and other relatives can be fired and relegated to the "someone I used to know" category.

[@Alaryicjude]

I spent the first 25 years of my life there and I feel the same exact way...

[@fishingwithkar4871]

So your front window of your house is like a big TV.

[@waynesteffen3262]

Did a lot of commenters not catch the “jk” at about :29 or note Simon is still looking stage right to the camera he thinks is working? Tangents intact! 😅😅😅😅😊😊😊

[@nmgg6928]

Ya i just about deflated until the jk at the very end lol

[@Narangarath]

Very possibly not. It was only up for a frame or a couple and if you're looking at a small screen you might miss it pretty easy. Although I was already seriously considering whether or not a tanglentless BB is worth watching at all and not really paying that much attention, so I almost missed it too.

[@MikeP2055]

Holy shit, I had to watch it three more times before I finally noticed it. 😂😂 Thank you for this comment.

[@tealkerberus748]

As a matter of interest, there are christmas tree farms that use coppicing trees - so after they cut the tree down, a new trunk grows from the stump. The bit that has been cut down is dying the same as cut flowers are dying, but the tree lives on the same as a rosebush lives on after you cut roses from it. It's also a lot more economical for the farmer because the new trunk grows to harvestable size a lot quicker than a fresh-planted seedling would do, and it's less work than digging out the stump and planting a new seedling. Alternatively, you can get a slow-growing conifer in a big pot, and use that as your christmas tree. You just have to have space outside your living room to look after it for the rest of the year.

[@oceanstaiga5928]

Brain blaze and casual criminalist uploads at the same time pretty much set my entire plans for the night 😅

[@Freakerbythespeaker]

Sameeee

[@darkholmemega8707]

Same here

[@renee_3364]

And the casual criminalist is a long one too! 🎉

[@Callme_h]

Simon: I’d be a Florida man! (OGBB) Fans: You literally are, just the British version… 😂

[@Christian-is-thriving]

Florida Woman here. I am a Tampa native and local history buffs still talk about the Winter Festival debacle. There are pictures of some of the attractions that still circulate. This was a massive thing for Tampa as Maas Brothers was a legendary local institution. Unfortunately the old Maas Bros building was torn down in the early 00s.

[@blackc1479]

Ex-pat Florida man here, though actually born in Pinellas. The wife's from Tampa though. We were both born in the mid 70s, so we're a bit young to remember, but this story was vaguely familiar enough that we had to have heard at least the bones of it as kids. It tickles the hell out of me that it was infamous enough to still be talked about 20-30 yrs later. Gives you a bit of a sense of identity for the area.

[@Christian-is-thriving]

@blackc1479 We lean hard into the weird here in Tampa. It's like a badge of honor.

[@blackc1479]

@Christian-is-thriving true story. Some of the high weirdness I've been party too would make amusing stories. At least after the statutes of limitations expire 😁 Hell, we met on a Rocky horror cast, so that automatically cranks the bar up a bit.

[@ThatWriterKevin]

From what I can tell, the story is retold in the Tampa paper every decade or so because it's such a legendary clusterfuck

[@MissyGail4eva]

I'm a Lakeland native, lived in Tampa for school, and I remember shopping at Maas Brothers with my Nini like it was yesterday (particularly enjoyed how it looked around Christmas time)😊

[@wonky_shoebox7514]

Yay! Florid Man Friday! Also Merry Christmas to the Basement Captives!

[@droomzy]

Simon saying he tolerates Christmas but doesn't love it had me wondering what his favorite holiday/special day is. I bet it's May 4 bc Star Wars is his absolute favorite movie series :)

[@ThatWriterKevin]

Merry Christmas to you too!

[@gabespencer6465]

Simon, the gift that keeps on giving......channels, i mean. Keeps on giving us channels to expand his empire

[@stuffingtonjfluffypantsiii]

when Simon said "The Florida man way to do it" instantly I could near Robert De Niro in Casino saying "There are 3 ways to do things around here. The right way, the wrong way, and the way I do it."

[@Xsior]

7:56 Simon's reaction to toe-sucking home invader sound completely unedited and don't even try to convince me otherwise.

[@matthewmerchant2038]

Please keep Florida Man Fridays going as long as possible. This shit is like crack, and that's saying something for Kevin's scripts

[@jsackett42160]

The "tangent cam" not working is weird. Simon's looking to the side like he's talking to someone else in the room.....or maybe he IS?!?!😮😮😂😂

[@tarynebright4048]

I wonder if the camera is in the room with him…

[@MrTommySixxx]

The other person in the room is the friends we made along the BB journey, lol

[@applehead900]

Tangentless Simon??? Not the Christmas present I expected

[@jc6800]

I've not ever experienced a tangent-less Brain Blaze 😅

[@Ekehart]

Nor the Christmas present you received! xD

[@RoseJ1983]

Thank God it’s Friday. I love Florida man Friday. Thank you so much, Kevin.❤

[@jc6800]

TGIF 🎉

[@ThatWriterKevin]

You're welcome!

[@simplegunsmith]

@@ThatWriterKevin Hey Kevin, do you think you could pump out an intro that is so convoluted and long, that Simon gets lost in it for like twenty minutes; then at the end of the intro finish it with "And that's the end of todays episode!" So that there is an episode of only intro, rants, and tangents for April 1st?

[@sparkplug1018]

Howard is Murphy's law personified. If it could go wrong, it not only did but did so in the most absolutely spectacular way humanly possible. I honestly can not think of any way they possibly could have messed that up any better. And then to top it off it was actually an overall success, now that's a real OG Florida man.

[@Mandrake42]

As soon as you mentioned the guy was digging into the pavement my first thought was all the pipes and everything under there. In any city, you go below there surface and there is just so much to take into account. Gas, fibre optics, water, electricity. One of my friends used to work for an agency in the city where they had access to hyper detailed maps and his job was basically to tell work crews and other people who called up whether it was safe to dig there and what was in the location.

[@joaniecummings3465]

Thank you, Business Blaze Captives (lol), Kevin, and Simon for the Christmas Edition of Florida Man Friday (FMF). I hope everyone has a wonderful New Years. The Florida Man Friday's are one of my Favorite. From this channel

[@ThatWriterKevin]

You're welcome!

[@TheBlueB0mber]

8:18 when you start to realize these videos are about 90% tangent

[@jodyharnish9104]

If they had the winter festival now, they could use artificial snow. It doesn't melt, you can make snowballs with it, and you can ski or run and slide on it. My kids and I sent it to soldiers we "adopted" in Iraq and Afghanistan. A one pound bag mixes with water to make 13 gallons of snow. One of our guys said it was "a showstopper". Can you imagine being in the desert with the temperature 120 degrees F and seeing some guys playing in snow? LOL

[@NikkiChat257]

@@jodyharnish9104 they have snow fest every year in safety harbor

[@thepsychopotato]

A tangentless Florida Man Friday episode is a different kind of chaos. It's like an itch I can't scratch. 🤣

[@Anonymous-nw6fg]

How most people check if its friday: looks at calendar How i check if its friday: is there another flordia man friday yet?

[@aceundead4750]

This must've been a really long week for you, since there wasnt an episode last week.

[@Anonymous-nw6fg]

@aceundead4750 It was! 😂 I have even lost track of how old I actually am. 🤣

[@shannonottarson9247]

Thank you Julian for spending your Christmas Eve editing Florida man for us❤

[@chandrasunny]

I'm glad you left the bit about the potted Christmas tree service in... that sounds lovely!

[@JHaven-lg7lj]

It does! You get the scent from the live tree, the tree gets to live, and there’s no way for you to leave it up until April - so many wins!

[@amandajones661]

I'm not Christian, but Christmas is a great time to celebrate the year and spend time with family.

[@calebbean1384]

Winter had celebrations of the sort long before Christianity

[@captainspaulding5963]

But..... but why do you need a special time of year to spend time with family?

[@Justin_Ebright]

Simon, Simon, Simon, don't worry about the date, every day you bring us Floridaman it's Christmas. Hope you and yours have had awesome holidays!

[@lauren9667]

I knew it! Dartmouth alum here. Winter Carnival was awesome! And it’s a HUGE deal in Hanover. One year we did Horton Hears a Who, but the best was Camelot with knights, dragons, etc. The ice carvings looked professional, but were done by students. And this fiasco shows that not everyone who goes to an Ivy League school has a shred of common sense.

[@andrewdarlington7115]

The to sucking thing had me crying once I realized it was the editing lmao. 😂

[@elizabethebbighausen9341]

Kevin. You are evil. How are you going to rapid fire those headlines and leave us hanging? The only saving grace is that you called it on Simon's mispronunciation of Illinois. 🤣🤣🤣 Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, blah, blah, blah... Explain those headlines, Kevin!

[@ThatWriterKevin]

I thought the poem would be the saving grace but alas it didn't make the final cut I guess. I'll have to upload the script as soon as I can for you all

[@mattiemathis9549]

My first property was 5 acres and I would get a small live tree and plant it after Christmas. It was really cool having a memory of each Christmas lining the driveway.

[@sethhill17]

I feel the same way about Christmas trees, it's depressing to kill them for the occasion. My parents always either got the one in the pot that you plant outside afterwards, or as a winter activity we'd go out into the woods after a storm to look for fallen branches and assemble them into a tree. We would stick them in a big pot of rocks as a stand. It was fun because it was different every year.

[@stephen3164]

I had a gardener named Jesus. I used to joke with my wife when she’d asked if the gardener had come by this week, that “we know not the time nor the day he will come”. I made that joke for years.

[@Ottobon]

The rapid fire was odd but everyone commenting the tangents are removed didnt watch 😂, simons just talking to the right its still there Worked for engagement i gurss.

[@l.scales7516]

Talk about rapid fire, I watch him at 1.5 x speed

[@Alaryicjude]

Can't believe I was born and raised in Floriduh, just south of Tampa, and never heard about any of that story! I'm sending this to all my Floriduh friends!

[@JohnDrummondPhoto]

28 minutes without tangents? Thanks veryi much, editor! Bonus fun fact: Illinois, being a former part of the Louisiana Territory, was originally pronounced :"EEL-in-wah". Per Wikipedia: "The name Illinois derives from the Miami-Illinois verb irenwe·wa 'he speaks the regular way'. This was taken into the Ojibwe language, perhaps in the Ottawa dialect, and modified into ilinwe· (pluralized as ilinwe·k). The French borrowed these forms, spelling the /we/ ending as -ois, a transliteration of that sound in the French of that time."

[@cammiller1006]

best thing on you tube and the tangents are half the fun :)

[@donsandsii4642]

Yes !! Thank you Simon, writers. Editors, researchers and allotted involved.

[@jandrews8365]

I need a Fire Festival-type documentary about this winter festival. Or maybe a December big budget movie starring Tom Hanks and The Rock.

[@Rolld20]

Let's start a petition for more stories of regional craziness; give us Texas Tuesdays and West Coast Wednesdays! And, um, South Dakota Saturdays?

[@whom382]

The only reason for Florida Man is that their laws release a lot more criminal information so their idiots are more well known.

[@Freakerbythespeaker]

Simon definitely went on tangents, it's just the tangent cam isn't working, it just appears that he had no clue. I really wanted to learn about Santa and his 5 gallon bucket of ecstasy. I have questions!

[@ThatWriterKevin]

I thought it was a self explanatory headline :)

[@ladybelle6506]

"I cut out every tangent." I knew that had to be a joke when I checked the run time. It was over 5 mins, so knew that had to be impossible :p

[@matthewmerchant2038]

This episode was recorded on 12/20 and edited in 4 days... It's amazing that y'all can edit record and edit a video faster than Amazon can deliver "2 day shipping" 😂

[@pseudotasuki]

13:19 Hey, we have beaches in New Hampshire! And they're very popular during the two months where it's warm enough to go swimming.

[@andrewsisson6536]

Suddenly, Ben Wyatt's Ice Town doesn't sound so bad.

[@marcbeebee6969]

😂 Illinois and Wiesbaden. Simons favorite towns. Lets hope he does not find lake titti kakka

[@igitaq]

It's like you're out to lunch with your good friend Simon and someone else he keeps trying to draw in the conversation by making eye contact with them.

[@idorianch]

0:58 yes it was a couple of days ago!! Spot on!

[@Dreddy72]

in a trailer home i built walls with pvc pipe and warped them in cheap blankets held on with safety pins. worked well enough to add a swing door to turn the combo living/dining room into a bedroom...

[@l.scales7516]

Warped or wrapped?

[@Dreddy72]

@@l.scales7516a little of both i guess. some of it was tight enough to put a bend in the pipe.

[@sailinbob11]

Oh... it was Maas Brothers, but pronounced Moss... know how Simon appreciates being corrected.

[@paulname5483]

No tangents?! That explains the short time of this episode. 1:45

[@jooleebilly]

16:38 My immediate reaction to the "dig a hole in the dirt" was "Florida doesn't have dirt!" They got sand and mud. Mostly sand. And sinkholes. And sewer lines.

[@NikkiChat257]

I used to go to snowfest in Florida every year. It was in safety harbor and it was super fun. It was 80° and they had a ice machine so you could go sledding down a slide

[@Elcocheese]

The best editor back at it again!

[@Matt-r3k]

Congrats on the editor for making him truthful about Christmas being a couple of days ago 👏

[@thesaltedfish3799]

Florida Man Fridays have become the highlight of my week. Keep up the good work!

[@robfunkhouser3793]

Fucking finally! I kind of wanted to hear about the guy with the five gallons of ecstacy 😂.

[@shelbyregisterrn108]

Good afternoon from the woods of NW Florida 💗

[@TeamSoraPresents]

Christ, Simon, that giant story has the most Florida Man to ever Florida Man, possibly in the history of Florida. And remember, kids, there are 3 ways to do things: the Right way, the Wrong way, and the Florida Man way! "Isn't that the wrong way?" Yes, but _faster._

[@syddlinden8966]

As soon as this dude said "we're gonna make real snow" i was like, i see the problem: this dude was peek Florida man to the point he forgot he was in FLORIDA!

[@mississippiensis]

Why have I never heard of this Tampa story and why isn't this a Christmas movie?

[@FireMageLayn]

Idea for a script for next year: the pagan or not even religious origins of various christmas traditions. Because Christianity went through several centuries where the clergy weren't happy with people celebrating for any non religious reason, and at least some of what we now associate with Christmas has got to be generic stuff that was done to make the darkest days of the year more cheerful that got coopted.

[@rfmurdoch]

Merry Christmas as we say on this side of the pond ! LOVE Florida man Friday !!

[@PhoenixNL72-DEGA-]

All tangent cut out, and the video is still 28:50 so I'm assuming with tangent the run time would have been close to 2 hours 😝

[@PhoenixNL72-DEGA-]

No tangents? Lies I tell you, LIES!

[@chrisjb241]

So that's where the idea for Bad Santa came from

[@zonq8924]

Yes Simon join us Flo-rida men!

[@Nick-v7b3l]

This story needs to be a dark comedy. I'd watch the shit out of it

[@Noofasaurus]

The number of people who didn't see the jk in the into is wild

[@twocvbloke]

Christmas in Florida sounds more like a series of disaster movies, all played at once, because why not... :P

[@thebaps1143]

When I was 5, I lived in Germany and we used to ice skate. A skating instructor bumped into me skating backwards and we fell. As he tried to get up, he sliced my chin open deep! Here’s where it gets rough, my dad was military and took me to the base and they had shipped all Novocain to desert storm, so they had to do an injection of lidocaine and a stitch. They blindfolded me, used 5 people to hold me down and I screamed the whole time. I’m almost 40 now and still have the scar.

[@ytubestolemyhandle]

Home Alone 2 taught me that Florida in winter is just never-ending rain. Not really weather for a winter-themed festival xD

[@veterangaming9511]

Happy New Year!!!

[@jeffreypeterson8386]

Back in Florida for this Florida man ep

[@BKKfreak]

The USA is Earth's Florida.

[@johnpauljones9244]

Happy Christmas 🎄 & Happy New Year!

[@Lngbrdninjamasta]

And it's back 🎉❤😂

[@Benson_aka_devils_advocate_88]

The Christmas tree business was actually kinda cool. Don't know how feasible it would be outside of the very specific environments needed to keep potted pine trees with as little maintenance as possible. But it's a cool idea nonetheless..

[@AwxCO1]

The “jk” at the end of the tangentless intro got me 😂😂

[@thomasbrown7452]

Simon and team love the Florida man episodes. Have yet to be disappointed. Hopefully you continue making my Fridays on the funny side for next year. I hope you do a New Year's edition.

[@OnAcidTripping]

The second camera isn’t cut and added in this video, but is Simon aware when this isn’t happening? Because it looks funny when he looks away and the camera isn’t following his POV :p

[@Textile_Courtesan]

I've been stockpiling all the Florida episodes for a few months. Was not disappointed and spent the majority of the afternoon giggling. Also, Happy Belated birthday to @ThatWriterKevin as one of the first episodes state Kevin's birthday is right before Christmas and it's currently December 28th 2024. Cheers! See you in the New Year!

[@adenlycosky]

The equally wild, Ohio Man, is a spin-off that needs to happen.

[@instaperil]

Simon & Kevin's humor! You two are children lol😊

[@Slippypotatoes]

"all these squares make a circle, all these squares make a circle"

[@NicholasCullen1]

The real tangent is spending extra time editing out all the tangents and then adding something to the front of the video to let everyone know what you did, or maybe it's all the friends we made along the way.

[@ONEDVSDVIT]

oh my goodness! THANK YOU EDITOR ! His tangents now drive me INSANE!

[@XX-rs7sq]

It's definitely not a brain blaze Christmas edition if it's not a few days late

[@jimmyglea]

Someone is getting coal in their stocking for fibbing about tangents, and I’m here for it.

[@xtrmenzer451]

Merry Xmas to the Brain Blaze crew! So thankful I stumbled upon this channel a few months ago - a seemingly endless supply of content has made choosing something to watch easy. Hopefully the Blazement gets a revamp this year for you hard working 'paid help' - maybe some fluffy handcuffs would help stave off those abrasions on their ankles aye Simon?

[@LesCalvin3]

Why isn't this a movie already? This is a non stop parade of one ridiculous disaster after another. Kevin, please, PLEASE write a screenplay for this.

[@sjenny5891]

0:30 please no.... I'm in this for the tangents! I'm going to finish watching this. Please don't disappoint me. :( Excellent story Kevin. I laughed until I cried. Now hubby is looking at me like I'm crazy.

[@ThatWriterKevin]

You're welcome and also sorry!

[@sjenny5891]

@ThatWriterKevin no you're not. We both know you're going to try to top this and I'm can't wait.

[@saritacruz3020]

Simon would make an excellent Florida man!

[@KraftyKreator]

A rental Christmas tree?! Wow, I’ve never heard about that, I love it!!

[@ignitionfrn2223]

2:15 - Mid roll ads 3:40 - Chapter 1 - Florida man attempts to murder his roomate 7:45 - Chapter 2 - Florida man dressed as santa caught with 5 gallon bucket of molly & ecstasy 8:00 - Chapter 3 - Florida man woke to intruder trying to suck toes on christmas eve 8:05 - Chapter 4 - Florida man pays electric bill of families about to lose power 8:10 - Chapter 5 - Florida woman named miracle assaults boyfriend with christmass tree 8:20 - Chapter 6 - Florida man opens fire after being annoyed by christmas parade 8:25 - Chapter 7 - Florida man wins 3M$ from lottery ticket in dog's christmas stocking 8:30 - Chapter 8 - Florida man faces 47 lawsuits after bringing winter to tampa bay PS: Man, we had a firestorm of florida meme at 7:45

[@rofalmatt]

that last story would make a great comedy movie

[@ninabriesch4184]

5 Year old kid at Kindergarten, Teacher asks " So, how did you get hurt at Christmas Hollidays?" Kid " An Giant Icecube fell on me!"...