Functional Freeze Explained

I've been wanting to make this vlog for a while, so I'm excited to share it! The topic is all about functional freeze, what this means, how it gets embedded into us (often from a very young age), plus some important steps for breaking out of it, and getting ourselves back online and back to the land of the living once and for all.
Resources I mention during this video:
► Polyvagal Theory Explained
irenelyon.com/2019/09/14/the-...
► The Basics of Orienting
irenelyon.com/2019/09/09/what...
► On letting the body "take over" when practicing mind-body work
irenelyon.com/2019/12/28/what...
► Raising healthy humans starts here
• How to create a health...
► Why shaking isn't enough, how functional freeze can show up, healing early trauma, and more • Why shaking isn't enou...
► How to come out of a chronic freeze response after repeated stress & trauma • How to come out of a c...
► Robert Scaer's Books
traumasoma.weebly.com/books.html
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Thank you for being here!
1. Leave a comment and let me know how this video impacted you. Feel free to leave a question (my team answers them each week!)
2. To get more nervous system health resources, plus learn more about me and my credentials, plus the many ways you can work with me at the practical level, head to my website: irenelyon.com
3. Follow me on social here:
Instagram: / irenelyon
Facebook: / lyonirene
LinkedIn: / irenelyon
SoundCloud: / irenelyon
4. GOT QUESTIONS? Send an email to: [e-mail]
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Please know that…
The statements on this KZbin channel or in videos are simply opinion. Content presented or posted on this channel is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment or a professional therapeutic relationship. Content presented or posted is intended to provide general health information for educational purposes only and you should contact the appropriate healthcare professional before relying on any such information.
My website is a wealth of free resources and information on how to start this work, so here it is one more time: irenelyon.com

[@meodel4525]

Falling off a bike & skinning my knee, that’s a piece of cake. It’s just a fall & a sore knee. Being screamed at for no identifiable reason, never knowing whether I would be scolded for saying the wrong thing, watching mother fly into uncontrollable rage-THAT’S a BIG PROBLEM & one from which I have spent 50 years unsuccessfully trying to recover.

[@emilyvbr1878]

My dad was a narcissistic abuser who always made it unsafe to feel our emotions. If we expressed them he would get mad and even violent towards certain members. So I learned to sush my younger siblings emotions to save us from that danger. It's a habit I still do today as an adult that I'm trying to change. It's hard though because I still feel unsafe

[@teamlyon3109]

Hi Emily, Seth here from Team Lyon. Yes, it's amazing how those patterns from childhood stick around. Fortunately, you CAN change them, you just need the right education, tools, and support, so I'll encourage you to keep on watching Irene's videos here, download Irene's free resources from her website, and maybe consider doing some work with a good Somatic Practitioner, or joining one of Irene's online programs. I'll put links for all those things below... Free Resources - irenelyon.com/free-resources-2/ How to find a good Somatic Practitioner - kzbin.info/www/bejne/ZmW7d2p3g9Okfc0 Irene's online programs - irenelyon.com/programs/

[@emilyvbr1878]

@@teamlyon3109 Thank you. I'm hoping to try somatic therapy soon

[@anthonyiuculano6002]

Evil, that kind...

[@meodel4525]

Yes me too but it was my mom

[@Jlongf]

I had same situation. I feel damn unsafe

[@marufalikhan]

Gosh this video hit so close to home. I am a lefty and was spanked as a child until i learned how to write and eat with my right hand. When I was 5 my grandfather taught me how to ride a bike by taking off the training wheels and took me to the top of the hill. Told me to go...i was so scared and said no and started crying. Was then told I would be spanked...so i mustered up enough strength or what I am learning now I learned how to detach from myself and went. I made it 3/4 of the way down and fell, scraped my legs real bad. I just remember my grandfather standing at the top laughing at me! Thank you for doing your work. Now in my late 30's i feel like I am learning to be myself and its uncomfortable....

[@estherloske8180]

I would like to give you a hug ..wish you continued healing 💜

[@nicolegio9173]

Omg, that is such a traumatic event. I'm sorry you were forced to do that. 😥

[@kathleenwharton2139]

Same thing happened to me. I was put on top of a hill and pushed..I got so frightened I tried to get off the bike at the bottom of the hill and ended up with deep gravel burns from head to toe. I never rode a bike again for the rest of my life. 😊❤

[@GoldandPinkLight]

I've been doing Somatic work for about 10 months. Functional freeze my whole life. Lately I notice that food tastes so much richer. Is that a thing with nervous system healing? It's wild! I'm like "wow, that tastes SO good!!"

[@IreneLyon]

GoldenPinkLight, Jen here from Team Lyon. Great to hear that food is tasting good these days! Changes in sensory experience are common with this nervous system work. Our senses function differently in different states, so experiencing more color, dimensionality, vibrancy, etc. as we grow access to different states can all be common with this work.

[@annsanders9162]

Irene you have described me exactly. I now have Hashimoto's. A lifetime of stress and followed by a divorce at 63 yrs. my body just said 'no more'. Thank you so much for the help and information. I have spent the last 8 yrs trying to sort this problem from the outside - useless. All the stress causing the problem is trapped inside.

[@meodel4525]

Same. As many years as I have spent trying to get better it just seems to be getting worse & worse💔😭

[@meodel4525]

I’ve been at it for over 50 years. I am now pushing 73 & it just seems to be getting worse. I don’t remember being anxiety ridden when I was young but in the last couple of years I find myself virtually crippled by anxiety/panic

[@janetrowe186]

My life!! 37yr marriage.abuse as abuse being married.both mental.

[@ExistBetter]

So fascinating. I've been having pretty severe issues with freezing lately, and I've uncovered various memories of my parents panicking and me literally forcing myself to stop crying "for their sake."

[@bpassion4fashion581]

I was mocked for feeling my emotions . I was shamed for it - my uncle took photos of me crying against the wall. My mother shamed me about having strong convictions by telling whomever she could , whenever possible about “ my strong temper “ I have done so much work around healing my CPTSD, I don’t understand why this freeze respond is showing up so strongly now . Ughhhh I need to get out there and get a job!

[@IreneLyon]

@bpassion4fashion581, Jen here from Irene's Team. Some of us have an early and well-practiced freeze response. As it's our early protective response, it can deeply imprint. Even when this is the case, it can change when people engage with this work over time. I'll link to two related videos that you might check out to perhaps expand the way you see/think about freeze. Irene's story of coming out of functional freeze with Seth Lyon - irenelyon.com/2023/07/02/irenes-story-of-coming-out-of-functional-freeze-with-seth-lyon/ Q&A w/ Irene, Seth, & Janice. Special focus on healing early & developmental trauma - kzbin.info/www/bejne/bWm0mqtmeZuYgs0

[@vanillerygarden]

As a 6 year old I fell off a pool mattress that my grandmother swung me upon a little to hard. So a toppled over on the other side and went underwater. I couldn’t swim and I got scared for my life. I swallowed a lot of water and when my grandmother violently grabbed me to pull me back up, I cried. She immediately shushed me, telling me to be quiet, because the neighbors will think that I got beaten or abused. I‘m not surprised after many of these incidents that I‘m a freezer and that I mostly look fine when I‘m not.

[@teamlyon3109]

Hi Moonshadow Garden, Jen here from Team Lyon. What you said makes a lot of sense - when we go through something that's more than our nervous system has the capacity to handle at the time, freeze is a common response. We can look fine on the outside but feel far from it on the inside. If you want to learn more about this, and what's involved in healing, you might want to check out Irene's free Healing Trauma training as she goes into more detail there. I'lll share a link here. irenelyon.com/healing-trauma

[@Gerhold102]

My very good friend spends a lot of time with her toddler grandson. On one occasion he got scared, began to wail and ran over to her. She hugged him and, instinctively, just held him while he cried. Maybe twenty minutes he sobbed then just said "I've finished" and went back to playing. All he knows is love and security - even when the security is challenged the love from all around him sustains him. It's an extraordinary testament to the power of being loved and the emotional strength of the caregiver to support the emotional need of the child.

[@jenniferharwood6604]

With CPTSD I spend much of my time in functional freeze.

[@kryslow]

Jennifer Harwood same.

[@jenniferharwood6604]

@@kryslow I'm sorry you have to go through it too, although I do think it helps us survive.

[@teamlyon3109]

@@jenniferharwood6604 and @Krystyn Lowe, as you said Jennifer, it does help us to survive. It is challenging (I relate personally) and it is possible to change over time with the right education and support - this is what Irene teaches. - Jen from Team Lyon

[@chrissyrandall8876]

Same herer

[@fifiearthwanderer]

Me too.

[@dianaop9880]

Hi Irene. I want to tell you that even if i know i will never heal, finding your videos made me feel i am not guilty for being this way. I was emotionally abused since i was 2 years old. I am 21 now and i dissociate so bad i can barely move. I always felt something was missing, something huge. I just realized i was never here, i only mirrored everyone so they dont "attack" me and leave me alone. I never knew i was human and existed. It is the truth, i had no idea i exist. I didnt know i am me and others are others. I spent all my life hiding and being called shy, but i am not shy. I am scared and confused and i have no idea how being human works. If you read this, please keep making videos. I am convinced that you know very well what you are talking about. I have never come across someone who understands trauma, dissociation, freeze mode, fawn response and other similar things as well as you do. I will never heal, but you made me feel like i am normal in my abnormality, like there is a reason i am like this, its not me being mean or lazy. My mind is at long last at peace.

[@KevinM-dg7kx]

Please, please, please try and remain at least open to the possibility that you can and will heal. If you don’t you haven’t a chance. If you do, I’ll guarantee you’ll see openings (these videos for example) that will point you in the direction you need to go.

[@dianaop9880]

@@KevinM-dg7kx thank you so much for the encouragement!

[@KevinM-dg7kx]

Puppy 03 I believe in you and I know others do as well!

[@anthonyiuculano6002]

You're giving up on yourself too quickly... you have the ability to heal. You thinking that you can't is a manifestation of your freeze response. I can guarantee you that you will improve with the right amount of time and the right amount of work.

[@NatalkaSho]

" its not me being mean or lazy" Diana I understand you so much. It was one of the biggest revelations for me to realize that, I was so full of self-hatred and self-reproach. And now I feel that we can overcome that. Irene's info is so precious and for me it's so valuable cause there are no judgments e.g. "you're just being a victim, you're lazy, selfish", nothing like that. Just pure facts on how our body works and how we can help ourselves. Thanks that I can share my thoughts here. Wish you lots of gifts on your journey

[@angelagak399]

It sickens me that a parent would call a 2 or 3 year old an idiot for learning how to use their bodies. Or anything even similar to that. If you're going to treat a child like that, DO NOT HAVE THEM! It makes me so angry.

[@queengoblin]

I agree nothing makes me angrier than unfit parents

[@nicolegio9173]

It's horrible and to me and it just displays how much unresolved trauma that person hasn't healed and then they are continuing the cycle of generational trauma. It's very sad.

[@cherylharms1575]

Spot on. Thank you for your presentation. I have been trying to understand and researching dissociation for more than two years. You give unique insight. For me understanding is necessary for healing.

[@mcady1000]

I remember my son after getting his tetanus shot had an unusual reaction, but normalbto him. There was a little tear but he mostly just wanted to tell me how offended he was that the nurse gave him a shot that hurt so bad. He wanted me to hold him but just wanted to talk. So I let him and gave him the space to react the way he needed. I was surprised there was no crying but thats not what he needed to do to react. I unknowingly would do this with my kids when they'd fall at playgrounds. I would be nearby but let them decide how hurt they were. Many times they wanted to say ouch but that was it. Then they were off. If I stepped in, they started thinking they were more hurt then they thought.

[@kayana6482]

PS: I'm overwhelmingly glad to have found you, your channel, and your awesome work. WOW!!! This is REAL HELP!!!! I can't say how glad I am. Thank you!!!!

[@IreneLyon]

That's great Kayana! thank you so much for being here :) Be sure to check out my website too! Lots of good stuff there including free resources and links to my online programs. irenelyon.com/

[@kayana6482]

@@IreneLyon Oh, yes! I'm going to enjoy looking at everything so much. I would love to do an online program, but I think that I'll have to wait until next year or who knows when because of my tight financial situation. But I'm sure it's good to prepare for that by taking advantage of the free resources first. Thank you!!

[@sunnygirl9691]

Very useful! Child neglect and abuse is truly the world’s #1 most significant problem. Why we waste time on all this other BS I have no idea.

[@knit1purl1]

My borderline mother was obsessed with my existence. The happiness, quality of life related to that existence meant nothing to her.

[@Lucyelle]

I like how you say 'brand new human beings in the world' for small children. There is love, there is skillfulness and eagerness to help. Above all I feel like you have a empathetic connection. As an adult, I feel comfortable to hear you out, knowing that through your advice and education, I can be the same to 'brand new human beings' around me and also my inner child. Thanks and am looking forward to hear more ❤

[@DarenHarmon]

Well this is probably one of the most important videos I’ve watched of yours so far! This really came at a time when I started to become aware a wound around socializing that originated in childhood and how it actually originated around my family dynamics. I had to go through a somatic experience after making these realizations, and then filled two pages in my journal. That arm hug thing you teach helps a lot! Thanks for the work you do!

[@richman1822]

Thank you for your video. You have made my personal journey to emotional healing so much more understandable. Feel it to heal it as you say is so true yet so hard to do when denying and burying emotions has been my default coping mechanism for years. Thank you again!

[@arina-roseteaweawe7931]

This is brilliant & makes absolute sense. Often I tell my young son "your ok" and jump to his aid. Thank you for this life lesson. Allow them to feel & come / reach out when they're ready

[@seriouscat2231]

People always spell "you're" as 'your', but this time that 'your' should be you're, short for "you are".

[@daphne3717]

Functional freeze is a trauma response for many. It takes a lot of professional therapy to heal from it. It’s more than just mind over matter. I was in a freeze response for 10yrs and thought I was just lazy. You have to heal, and then doing the daily tasks becomes easy and do-able again.

[@erichbrough6097]

Wow, it hit me that what you said at about 13:23 is about the 'mirroring' effect, that the child will tend to mirror the parent's attitude and emotion (whether fear, denial, etc.), and disengage from the child's own natural responses. Pretty sure that's what happened to me when I fell into an end table when I was about 3 (impacted me above my right eye), which required some stitches.

[@daveymcteer6804]

This is so good. As a mom with my own trauma and a caregiver to a son who is 30, has complex medical needs and developmental delays, I struggle with my own activation, freeze and collapse with each seizure/fall/meltdown and I am so thankful that you are helping me understand this process. I’ve been looking for understanding of the interfacing of my and my sons trauma and how I can support them both. I also took care of my aunt at end of life and wish I had this understanding during that time. This work is so valuable. I’m going to take one of you recorded classes soon. Thank you! Lisa Petrini

[@iseeyouurloved1703]

Hand in Hand Parenting calls this “Staylistening” 😊 Hand in Hand is a trauma informed parenting approach, any parents here who want practical tools in line with Irene’s work check it out 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

[@kimmilberg7867]

thank you for sharing this info. I am the Founder/CEO of Leave None Behind Ministries, a ministry to veterans and first responders and spouses. I am always looking for more places to refer to!!

[@Wren64]

I raised my now 20yo with these principles that Irene is talking about and Hand In Hand.....and it really shows.

[@kimgordoncumbo7890]

Thanks, Irene. This is important and makes so much sense. Children are always learning, yet caregivers (myself too) are distressed by their pain and it seems that by controlling the child's pain the caregiver is soothing the pain/trauma they received as a kid. I will share. Blessings. :)

[@victoriasoigne3570]

I was naturally left handed. I remember being beaten to write with my right hand. Eventually after much beatings, I was able to write with both hands. My other siblings and myself was always scolded if we showed emotions about anything.

[@kathleenwharton2139]

I am a control freak and Frozen..literally..by spacicity. Your Spirit will go to great lengths to teach you. I am learning to Let Go and Trust God..something I have not been very good at.

[@nastjavo]

Uff yes. Totally find myself here. I now live at home with my toxic parents and i am getting better with "unfreezing" stuff. Many times i feel i cant even get a job and move somewhere else cuz i wont be able to survive by myself and is gonna be really tough and hard. But slowly i will get out of this hole.. Thanks to your videos, helps alooot alot! And thinking about joining 21days program.

[@teamlyon3109]

Hi Natstja, Seth here from Team Lyon. That's great you're think about joining us in the 21 Day program, it would be great to have you! Yes, it can be tough when we have to live with toxic family members, especially if they were part of what traumatized us in the first place. I wrote this article a while back that talks about things you can do in such a situation to support your healing... sethlyon.com/sometimes-break-family/

[@nastjavo]

@@teamlyon3109 Thank you Seth so much for your support and for this link, I'm gonna read it right away! :)

[@sonjal.3704]

When trying to come out of freeze, should one let sort of panicky feelings come up and feel them? It's scary

[@russellallison26]

Ironically when my dad tried to teach me how to ride a bike when I was six he reacted in his normal way to stress and started screaming at me as soon as I attempted to pedal. I just froze up and too afraid to even attempt it. My dad just gave up right away and I didn’t learn to ride a bike until I was 15 and was away from home and my brother-in-law taught me. I now know my freeze response about taking risks or trying new things is rooted in this kind of parenting.

[@teamlyon3109]

Hi Russell Allison, Jen here from Team Lyon. It sounds like an important awareness about the connection between the freeze response and trying new things. The hopeful news, as you may know. is that we can work with the nervous system to create new experiences and connections for ourselves.

[@Angels_Are_Real]

You rock! 💎 Divine love from London, England. 💎 May your Angels ever guide you and guard you. 💎 Wishing you every beautiful blessing. 💎

[@tramuntanaflow5398]

Thank you Irene so much for your videos. Your examples really help understand these very complex processes.

[@TheNormallyOpen]

I feel like we need to become Parents to then learn how to be Parents, then as Parents we learn much more about ourselves. My daughter is now a teenager, and I am only just scratching the surface of my own freeze issues let alone have the mastery to teach her. One tries ones best however, maybe it will be her children that can benefit? All the best

[@LaLeoRonroneo]

My entire family (with our own kids) witnessed scenario C at a playground and had to hold back our own tears, as this bloodied little boy who fell was being cursed at by his father who had already proclaimed to us in small talk earlier that he doesn’t “baby” his 3 year old son. 😢 lawd, it’s one of those situations that make you think “what could I have done to help this kid?”

[@janetrowe186]

Wow! I'm glad to find I'm not alone😮😮😮

[@nyctilia]

This makes so much sense. As my mother is really anxious I always got scenario two or three (less bad though). We have to believe that the systems of our little ones can handle that first moment and not intervene immediately. I’m severely scared of anything that has the risk of getting hurt. I never climbed trees or anything like that, I’ve never not felt scared of riding a bike and barely do that. I’ve always wondered as a child what’s wrong with me and why I am so much more scared than all the other kids I knew.

[@Be1More]

thank you... this is my thing

[@saraw4528]

You're so passionate I love you and thank you for all your videos

[@jay3373]

That makes sense, as a parent (my children are older now) my instinct was to go straight into comforting my child if they hurt themselves, yet if they got a cold or flu I wouldn't use an antibiotic so their immune system would build up a resistance to viruses, they hardly ever get sick now, what you said sounds like it works along the same lines as that, thankyou for your knowledge.

[@janemorrow6672]

I just had such a powerful physical reaction to the description of he freeze response. Such an agonising pain deep in my chest. I had to turn off the video and wait for it to pass.

[@IreneLyon]

Hi Jane, Seth with Team Lyon. Thanks for sharing your experience. That's so great you gave yourself permission to turn off the video and wait! Many people muscle through that kind of thing, and it's always good to attend to the body when it speaks so loudly. Sounds like the description of freeze may have actually poked at your own freeze and shown you a bit of what's underneath. That is something that happens a lot with this material - just learning it prompts the system to start responding.

[@elisabethleitner4865]

Really well explained - thnak you Irene!

[@dawnemile4974]

Very useful information and advice. Thank you.

[@NakedSnake02]

Thank you very much for the knowledge Irene, something about this functional freeze state resonates with me deeply haha

[@loes1655]

Thank you. This is the basic and its realy make sense.

[@eh6454]

This has helped me understand so much. Thank you.

[@Faab79]

Thank you Irene! :)

[@louisebradburn5403]

What if you ARE stuck in bed though? Is this the extreme end of being in the chronic freeze response? It feels different to depression ; I know depression and this feels completely different. It's like I'm stuck. Blocked. Something stopping me from moving/taking action.

[@IreneLyon]

Louise Bradburn, Jen here from Team Lyon. Most of the practices you learn as part of the course and program that Irene teach can be done laying in bed. We've had a number of bed bound people participate. I'll link to a free resource that you might try and see how it goes. Know that you can do it sitting or standing, regardless of Irene's instructions. I'll also link to Irene's 21 Day Nervous System Tune Up course in case you'd like to check that out. 4 Simple Steps to Calm Overwhelm - irenelyon.com/4-steps-to-calm-overwhelm/ 21 Day Nervous System Tune Up - 21daytuneup.com

[@melodiechi6940]

Thank you Irene

[@drshabnamnazir1573]

V useful and extremely helpful explanation 💓

[@XOXO123456789]

Yep scenario C is definitely real… it was for me at least. Great video Irene! Thank you.

[@kathleenwharton2139]

We are dual Beings..Body and Spirit. The Spirit is the Smart one and the Powerful one! Our Spirits Teach us through our Bodies. I am learning stuff..and not functional right now..but I am learning Stuff! Mostly..How to be completely Truthful..but Kind. This sounds easy but it is indeed not. I had to wade through a life time of religion Put upon me by significant others..but was not Truth for me. This has been the Challenge of a lifetime. I think everyone has some kind of challenge in life..different from mine..but a challenge just the same. We are Here to Learn!

[@elbadominguez5439]

Thank you !

[@wendyroe5154]

Thank you ❤

[@ckatt352]

Sadly I can relate to the last scenario. How can I work with this as an adult? I fainted a lot as a kid under stressful situations , but also the last few years just randomly and not in a typical stress situation. This has really left me crippled with anxiety and CFS.

[@teamlyon3109]

Hi C Katt, Jen here from Team Lyon. Irene designed her online healing programs to teach people to work with this as adults. You can start the 21 Day Nervous System Tune Up at any time, and it's a great way to prepare for SmartBody SmartMind, Irene's more comprehensive program. I'll link to the 'Tune Up' here in case you want to check it out. Irene's free Healing Trauma training also has a lot of great information about what leads us to a place where we spend a lot of time in functional freeze and what it takes to heal. I'll link to that too in case it's of interest. The 21 Day Nervous System Tune Up: 21daytuneup.com Free Healing Trauma training: irenelyon.com/healing-trauma

[@laylaawest5292]

As a mom of three, I can attest that it is very challenging to see your child getting hurt and be cool in the moment...will dfntly be working on this. I was just thinking, tho, of how we grew up in the 90's and no parents were around to see us get hurt. We literally could go through all the sensations and had to limp our broken bones home to go find a caregiver. Hehe

[@IreneLyon]

Laylaa West, Jen her from Team Lyon. I'm with you, it was the same growing up in the 70's and 80's when kids were often left to play on their own for long periods. This approach had its gifts too!

[@wildangerlisl]

Well I understand thus quite good. My question just resonates to this functional freeze patterns and toxic shame. I have a partner who is really not very mature concerning handling emotions. He served in war and developed a harsh personality due to protect himself he often uses to patterns: defending by aggression, or criticism. Often I miss this emotional responding, cause he often just uses harsh words and for me that's really hard than be with him cause it triggers me and instead of calming down when I m nervous, he just puts a lot oil into the fire. So each time I m kind of destabilized by his toxic behavior, and at the same time he than gets things done for me which makes me feel double small!!! I' m often thinking to quit the close relationship, but he is just in his black or white modus not accepting that we both suffer and it's maybe better to just be friends. So I m always kind of fawning than, not to harm him, depressing my own personality! What can I do to solve this pretty sh* situation?

[@cynthiam1381]

I know functional freeze very well !

[@user-ek5du4dp3f]

My nervous system is fried and has finally completely shut down. I just can’t think anymore. I hocan barely move anymore! I’m 72 and understand it all but I don’t see the point in trying anymore. I give up and now find peace in isolation and the disconnect.

[@luisrobertomartinezacevedo193]

Always listen the example of the opossum, but I had never understood that there was a human equivalent to the functionality of freezing, I had learned to see it as a dysfunctional state per se. This is a watershed.

[@bayha5065]

Thank you! I’m scenario C. Now that I know I can work on getting better

[@emiloffersen]

Hi Irene. I can relate. What do you do if one starts to recognize and see this in ones child? And remembers the episode/episodes? If one can actually see in behind and recognize there is a freeze of a kind in the internal. He is 3 years. Thank you ❤️

[@teamlyon3109]

Hi Emil Offersen, Jen here from Irene's Team. Your son is fortunate that you're learning this information and want to support him in these foundational ways. Children's systems learn from the nervous system's around them (in particular those of their parents/caregivers), so generally speaking one of the most powerful steps you can take is two grow regulation and capacity in your own nervous system. From a place of regulated presence (this can be relative, doesn't have to be perfect), you might explore attuning to your child and slowly and gently engaging him and noticing what he (and his system) want to express/do with this awareness of safety and support. If you want to learn more about regulation, I'd suggestion Irene's Healing Trauma video series if you haven' yet seen it. I'll link to it here. Free Healing Trauma training: irenelyon.com/healing-trauma

[@tylerbradshaw9866]

Feel like I spend all of my time in functional freeze as I am super shut down need to get out how do I????

[@tylerbradshaw9866]

Have no memory of what happened to put me in this state though none

[@IreneLyon]

Tyler - Mara here with Team Lyon. If you haven't already watched Irene's Healing Trauma video series, start there. irenelyon.com/healing-trauma-freeresources/

[@pabloravizzoli345]

How would you connect or differentiate between functional freeze/vagal shutdown and personality disorders?

[@teamlyon3109]

Hi Pablo Ravizzoli, Jen here from Team Lyon. To broaden your question a bit, in the nervous system world many of us tend to view "personality disorders" and related mental health diagnoses as being related to nervous system dysregulaton, which could include a tendency towards functional freeze/vagal shutdown. For example, bipolar usually involves swings between very high levels of sympathetic activation (mania) and the freeze end of the parasympathetic system.

[@CP-se2ys]

I'm thinking about how to integrate this with attachment theory research. My understanding is that children need adults to help them to co-regulate when they are scared, hurt, etc. How does that idea of co-regulation apply here? Would it be appropriate from this perspective to put a hand on the child's back or something similar to help them regulate while they are crying so that you are not simply standing there observing them as the adult until they reach for you or would that be discouraged as it may interrupt expression of the impulse?

[@teamlyon3109]

Hi CP, Jen here from Team Lyon. The idea of co-regulation applies in the way that you describe - as they are growing and developing, children need our regulation to help hold what they are experiencing and to support them in growing nervous system regulation and capacity. As for what to do, the number 1 suggestion we make to parents is to take steps to grow your own regulation. The next would be to be there with the child in a present and attuned way. When we do this, often a child will seek out what he/she/they needs such as crawling into our arms if they are sad and want comfort. You can also give them space to have their experience while letting them know you are there, and if you feel the impulse you might ask if they want you to hold them, etc. Learning to be comfortable with a child's healthy aggression is also key, and this can be supportive through play (for example).

[@user-wn6tn9ch1d]

Yes! But I can’t deal with it in this moment but this is me I will talk to you when I can

[@davidhodge8509]

If someone has chronic fatigue syndrome can you assume their in a freeze state? Or is that not necessarily the case?

[@mariecarr3762]

Great question ❓

[@TheWisdomOfTheAges_PsyM_Revd]

Situation C

[@erinwells112]

What about stuck in fight or flight phase? I feel like I easily hang out there a lot of the time.

[@teamlyon3109]

Hi Erin Wells, Jen here from Team Lyon. When we're stuck in fight and/or flight we want to allow the underlying survival responses to express and complete in a way that respects the capacity of our nervous system and allows us to stay connected to ourselves and our environment in the present. Often we need to grow nervous system capacity and learn about things like titration and pendulation in order to do this. I'll link to a few related resources here. Irene's paid programs (The 21 Day Nervous System Tune Up and SmartBody SmartMind) are also great ways to learn more about this and how to do it. 7 Steps to De-Stress - irenelyon.com/7-steps-opt-in-IL How to Work with Anger in a Healthy Way - kzbin.info/www/bejne/aqjHlnWAaJ52q9k Titration Explained: Never Rush Trauma Healing - kzbin.info/www/bejne/h6nHaZuKgrqGhbs Pendulation: How to Shift Focus to Calm Overwhelm - irenelyon.com/2020/03/29/pendulation-how-to-shift-focus-to-calm-overwhelm/

[@arhtee7783]

Hi Irene, I have a couple of questions that I wonder if you can shed some light on ( I promised myself as part of my journey I would stop at nothing to learn). Why do commitments make me feel physically trapped and stuck? For example a full time job (whilst I am in one), makes me feel stuck and trapped. What's more upsetting for me though is feeling stuck and trapped in a committed relationship. I don't want to feel this way anymore with my partner. It's not his fault but I don't know how to change it. It's like I just want to go away to a new country where no one knows me as it it feels new. Anything consistent in my life makes my body and energy inside me feel stale. I will add to this that I have been dissociated for 15 years. Completed numb. Just watched your video on dissociation though and going to try your suggestions. I just really wanted to ask the above questions as I find understanding and adding knowledge to my roadmap helps me navigate a path I never had, due to never having a roadmap in the first place. Thank you and hope you are well.

[@teamlyon3109]

Hi Arh Tee, Seth here with Team Lyon. In terms of 'why', I can't say for sure without knowing your full history, but what you describe is very common with unresolved trauma around primary attachment figures. For one, feeling stuck and like you can't escape, and dissociation, are both symptoms of having the freeze response stuck on in the system. Biologically, the freeze response evolved in much more primitive life and death circumstances (animals hunting each other and what not) and it's is designed to come on when we are about to die - we tried to run, we tried to fight, we were unsuccessful, and so now that we can't escape, the freeze response numbs us and helps us dissociate such that we don't feel the pain of being eaten. Growing up in chronic stress in the environment, with abusive, neglectful, absent, chronically stressed, or misattuned parents feels like a life threat to the developing young one because the system senses that it is not getting what it needs in order to develop properly, plus add in any outright abuse, etc... and a developing system learns to default to freeze as a way to survive, and eventually that just becomes part of how they live. So if you had an early life like this, then anything that feels like a situation you can't escape, but need to survive - like work, or need to thrive - like healthy attachment with a committed partner - could easily spike up this freeze response.

[@arhtee7783]

@@teamlyon3109 Thanks Seth !

[@1957712]

18 months I was taken by my Aunt to her family who live on a. Island. My mom had just my sister. She was leaving my father and there had been a lot of fighting. The freeze happening to me poor learning skills in school dyslexia add and I've been working at trying to break the old freezing frozen patterns. When a child is too young to be reasoned with are there any other modalities you use?

[@teamlyon3109]

Hi Wendy Beattie, Jen here from Team Lyon. The parent or caregiver doing the work to grow nervous system regulation and capacity in their own system is an important foundational step. This, plus attunement, are some of the most potent steps that can be taken. Depending on the circumstances, working with a practitioner who has nervous system training and specializes in working with children might also be a consideration.

[@bunnycassell]

My mom would often tell me that I never (or rarely) cried as a baby/young child. I have frequently operated in functional freeze for as long as I can remember and I'm wondering how early on freeze can begin? Can it somehow begin even in the womb? I grew up in a dysfunctional family where intensity played a large part; curious if that could have been sensed before actual birth. Thank you for your cutting edge information and videos!!

[@teamlyon3109]

Hi Elizabeth Cassell, Jen here from Team Lyon. We are born with the ability to shut down / go into freeze physiology, and it's likely that this function comes online later in pre-natal development. And great to hear you're enjoying Irene's videos!

[@ShadowRaven66669]

Both of my kids have what's called "retained primitive reflexes". My youngest (now 7yo) has always been a freezer, even as a baby. When she falls, even if she doesn't actually hurt herself, rather than crying and getting it out she has a total psychological collapse that takes at least 20 minutes to pull out of.

[@rebeccadaviespsychotherapy4434]

What if you pick up the child when they hurt themselves but do not tell them that they are "fine"... if instead you acknowledge their experience and do not wipe their tears but still hold them as you stay with them. Do you think that even holding a child in this state is "meddling" to the body?

[@teamlyon3109]

Hi Rebecca, Seth here from Team Lyon. It depends on the energy present in the adult. If they are in survival mode, swooping in to pick up because of their own activation, then yes, it will still have the same effect. However, if they are simply present, stay right next to the child, and wait for their signal that they WANT to be picked up, that is wonderful.

[@nyctilia]

I’m wondering if it has something to do with self-harming behaviour too. Any thoughts on that?

[@KevinM-dg7kx]

I experience this and in my case it is definitely related.

[@erikarfeuille2528]

A perfect description of my issues. I am aware enough to track some of them to their source. The question of course remains :how to heal? How to get out of this rut of functional freeze? Knowing where issues originated and recognizing the way they play out today, so far has not helped me one iota to 'reprogram' them. I am on my fourth therapist and all they seem to do is searching from 'where it all came from'. Not helpful. I know where they came from. What's the cure?

[@IreneLyon]

Hi Erik, Seth here with Team Lyon. The answer to your question is simple - start doing this work! Talk therapy does not help resolve trauma, we have to learn to listen to and work with our own unique human system at the physiological level, only then can we actually create real change that sticks. Irene offers many free resources as ways to get started exploring this work and her teaching, as well as multiple paid online programs. I'll put some links to explore below... Free Resources - irenelyon.com/free-resources-2/ Sample Neurosensory Exercises - kzbin.info/aero/PL_tIcR-r0CU5Xss_Mq1buU-tWdYVQksjI 21 Day Nervous System Tune-Up - 21daytuneup.com/ SmartBody SmartMind - smartbodysmartmind.com/

[@emmas2771]

@@IreneLyon thank you, the more I listen watch your videos, the more persuaded I am. It is great that these modalities are available, thank you team Irene Lyon.

[@BusyLizzieNL]

I only know this because I was told by my parents, but when I was very little (I think maybe 3 yrs old) I sometimes could get very... angry, irascible, hot tempered... (I don't know the right word in English) and because of that emotional state I would hold my breath. So obviously first I would get red and after a while I even would turn blue in the face. My mother, not knowing what to do, would put me in a cold shower. Not for long, just short enough for me to gasp for air and start breathing again. I absolutely don't blame her for that, but I am wondering if that could have been a 'trauma' that has been stored in my body since then!?

[@IreneLyon]

BusyLizzieNL, Jen here from Team Lyon. Yes, it's definitely possible that this experience could have led to a trauma. The fact that you stopped breathing to the extent that you did in the first place (instead of expressing the anger) is also something you might be curious about.

[@BusyLizzieNL]

@@IreneLyon Thank you, hadn't even thought of that yet!!!🤭

[@kayana6482]

Hi Irene, I'm wondering if it's ok and healthy to relive an experience and try to let out all the very intense emotion (the specific event that I'm thinking of right now made me feel extremely elated) that I felt when it happened NOW, about 3 months later. I didn't dare to express my huge joy on that day, when it happened, because of hateful neighbors and what they might do to destroy my joy. I'm rather sad, now, though, that I didn't openly scream for joy when it happened. I think it might be safe to do that now, though. Do you think it would be helpful and healthy for me (and my nervous system) to do that now?

[@IreneLyon]

Hi Kayana, Seth here with Team Lyon. YES! absolutely. Any time there is any emotion that has been repressed, and we can still feel it inside us, wanting to bust out, we definitely want to do that as soon as the conditions allow. The only caveat is to not get SO carried away in the expression, that you lose connection to your body. Stay connected to what it really FEELS like to let that Joy out.

[@kayana6482]

@@IreneLyon Ok, thank you, Seth! Thank you for the good advice. I can't wait to do it!!

[@margiemazzeo2432]

Network Chiropractic Networking 💕

[@annyviana21]

"It may be odd to hear that from a caregiver to a child" Ma'am that is exactly how my father has raised me

[@maggieguillen2660]

I was diagnosed with MS. The cause is that I wanted a home In a land that was my dad´s and the little one...my brother said he was going to construct it. I was forbidden to go and see my home....! I lost my floor..... My older son is in charge of evertying at my name.... it hurts, but Im doing much better

[@IreneLyon]

Hi Maggie Guillen, Jen here from Team Lyon. It sounds like you've been through a lot - it's great to hear that you're doing better!

[@gherdananamaria6285]

Irene, I have a question. Me and my son are visiting my parents. We live abroad. We have been here for almost weeks. He seemed to have a good time here. Last night we were on a video call with his dad, that is at home. The moment my son saw our home on the camera, he started having a huge cry that he wants to go home, like now, not tomorrow, not later, but now. He is 2.7 years old. He got so upset when I told him we cannot go right now, as we do not have a flight. I let let him cry and manifest his really strong emotions that I rarely see at this intensity. He was really tired as well. I allowed space for him to manifest, but at one point I felt his panicking and not being able to breath properly, so I was afraid to let it continue. So I slowly took him out of it, because I was scared of what might happen. We started reading a book, I breastfed him and slowly he calmed down and fell asleep. He had quite a restless night. My question is.. was it ok to slow it down and have him orient a bit. I was hoping he will have another cry after, to make sure all the tension is out. But did not happen, as he fell asleep. Or should I have just allowed it to carry on as it was a sign that he was close to disactivation? I was started to get scared, I have to be honest. But would be nice to know what to do, as I know it might happen again in the future. Thank you so much for your care for us all!

[@teamlyon3109]

Hi Gherdan, Seth here with Team Lyon. Please know that this is a totally normal response for a 2.7 year old. He likely wasn't thinking at all of home because at that age he would probably be quite immersed in the present experience, which sounds like is enjoyable. So when he saw home and dad he would have been flooded with all the safety, comfort, and familiarity he didn't even realize he was without. This sudden emotional wallop would certainly result in the kind of experience you describe, and it sounds like handled it perfectly. At that age, a child still does not have the ability to self-regulate, and having a big cry is different from the kind of activation/deactivation of a trauma response. He needs you to show him how to soothe himself through co-regulation, and that's exactly what you offered :) Though that his system will learn, over time, how to self-regulate.

[@gherdananamaria6285]

Thank you so much Seth!! It's a learning curve! My familly applied the method B and C with me. So I am in so much freeze and dissociation. I am learning to be present and kind to myself. Not an easy journey, especially with a small child depending on me. Thank you for your suppport, for being there for us!

[@danashannon8234]

I have total freeze....anhedonia...no appetite...constant dissociation and brain fuzz nausea diarrhea....I can't stand it now

[@emmagornichec5276]

I have the same. I still have an appetite but I feel no emotions, anhedonia, have extreme depersonalization and derealization...its been years and I'm only 18. I know how hard this is ❤

[@danashannon8234]

@@emmagornichec5276 I am so sorry. You are so young! I was lucky I got to live my younger years ok. My heart goes out to you. ❤

[@emmagornichec5276]

@@danashannon8234 I wish I could get out of this. It's the no emotions that bothers me...its been since I was 16, 2 years...i can't imagine spending the rest of my life this way. This just happened overnight after lots of stress and trauma and it's like my life has been stolen away forever 😩

[@anthonyiuculano6002]

@@emmagornichec5276 Hi Emma... I'm 23, so I'm not too far away from you in age. I went through a lot in my teens and up until not too long ago I felt the same way. You have no idea how lucky you are to have discovered this at 18... you have tons of time ahead of you, and if you start doing this, you will be slowly and surely able to undo the freeze and feel like a normal human being again. It took me a while but I'm starting to find myself again... an even better self than the one I was before when I was okay. You can too.

[@emmagornichec5276]

@@anthonyiuculano6002 hi Anthony, thank you so much for your comment! 😊 I have been slowly getting better. I have been able to feel emotions again. I'm still not 100% though. In fact, I still feel numb most of the time, but there's certainly progress that has been made.

[@LivingInFullEssence]

Irene, my son will sometimes just go into what looks like a seizure. No response when calling his name. He will then come out and say things like, "what just happened?, where are we?" Is this considered a freeze response. I have taken him to a neurologist who did an EEG and said he did not have seizure disorder. He has had a lot of trauma in his life. I usually can see these come on but the other day, he was driving and suddenly pulled over and in a panicky voice asked where we were and what just happened, he didn't remember.

[@teamlyon3109]

Hi LivingInFullEssence, Jen here from Irene's Team. In addition to getting your son looked at by relevant medical professionals, as it sounds like you're doing, you might also consider consider scheduling a consult with a nervous system expert. I'm not able to say for sure without more information (which is beyond the scope of what we do here), and the symptoms you describe sound like they could very likely have a nervous system component. If you're interested in scheduling a consult, I'll link to the practitioner directory for the Somatic Experiencing Training Institute (SETI) practitioner directory. Irene's husband Seth, also a colleague, has a full practice but may have availability for consultations. I'll link to his website here too. Somatic Experiencing Training: traumahealing.org/training-event-search/ Seth Lyon: sethlyon.com

[@shahilagh]

@@teamlyon3109 who r NS experts? where r they ? never heard of such titles

[@teamlyon3109]

@@shahilagh - In this context nervous system expert would be someone who has trained extensively in modalities that work with trauma at the nervous system level, who understand the functioning of the nervous system, how it responds to trauma, how that impacts the entire human system, and how to facilitate repair and regulation at that level. The most prominent trainings for this are Somatic Experiencing and Somatic Practice.

[@shahilagh]

@@teamlyon3109 thanks. I had a few chiropractor session and it was like magic and all my pain went. So that was nervous system? But then things happened and I went six months later but I didn’t feel that much impact ever again. I always look for an explanation on why.

[@teamlyon3109]

@@shahilagh - Chiropractic adjustments can certainly help pain when there are physical adjustments that need to be made, and that may have nothing to do with trauma and nervous system dysregulation. However, if there are tension patterns that are rooted in unresolved trauma and dysregulation, they may be temporarily soothed by chiropractic adjustments or other treatments, but then come back again or pop up in other ways because of the survival stress in the system. In these cases chiropractic work and the like won't provide real, lasting change, because the change need to happen at the nervous system level, not the muscular-skeletal level. So that may be what you experienced.

[@user-lg5ij1cu2n]

I'm curious what you would do in a situation where you're outside with a two year old thatstarts crying and wants to run in the opposite direction you're walking. There's an instinct to pick up a child for their safety and to move along, but also not wanting to restrain them and get on their level to talk to them.

[@teamlyon3109]

Hi 888, Jen here from Team Lyon. I'd encourage you to follow your instincts here. The general idea is that as caregivers we want to provide an attuned and regulated base for the little ones, and to repair when we're not able to do that. And the more we grow our own nervous system capacity and regulation the better able we're able to do that!

[@SavannahE1972]

So if I review this correctly, functional freeze is a way of numbing out the ability to listen to your bodily sensations and natural impulses.

[@IreneLyon]

@SavannahE1972, Jen here from Team Lyon. Close, and I'd put it a little differently as we don't consciously choose to go into functional freeze (unless we choose a substance or activity that we know helps us to disconnect and zone out a bit). Functional freeze is a physiological state where we can function (to some extent) while being disconnected to some degree from what our felt, bodily experience. An impact of this is similar to what you shared in that it will be harder to feel and to attune to bodily sensation, emotion, and biological impulse. Hope this helps to clarify!

[@SavannahE1972]

@@IreneLyon Thank you Jen for the nuance. I think I get it now.. 🙏🏼

[@adelafaith9604]

15:51 'If you don't stop crying, I'm going to smack you! '

[@Ms.matrixmetaphor]

Mine was if you don’t stop crying I am going to give you something to cry about

[@davies7579]

Im numb i feel out of body,and i cant feel anxiety anymore after a panic attack, but now i have high blood pressure and palpitations what could be wrong

[@teamlyon3109]

Hi Boogie Davis, Seth here with Team Lyon. It sounds like your system is being dominated by freeze, hence the numbness and not feeling the sympathetic activation. Even when this is the case, and we are experiencing mostly 'freezy' things, that Sympathetic energy is still running in the background, hence the high blood pressure. What you describe is a normal experience for someone who's system is dysregulated, and BOTH the emergency brake (freeze) and gas (sympathetic activation) are on, all the time.

[@davies7579]

@@teamlyon3109 yes mine is always on all the time and i have insomnia too,and i take meds for blood pressure but it doesnt work,im just numb,so what can i do to be ok,and get out of freeze and sympathetic stuff

[@davies7579]

@@teamlyon3109 is it possible for the sympathetic energy and freeze to be on at the same time i thought the parasympathetic should be on when youre in the freeze

[@anthonyiuculano6002]

Unfortunately you never get this kind of basic support from abusive narcissists

[@terrytumolillo7677]

#Irene, wouldn't you consider the BODY AS the , "cage"?" I would think the BODY is the human's, "cage" vs. our counterpart in the wild; no????

[@heidicolon6386]

How does one build capacity as an adult?

[@IreneLyon]

Heidi Colon, Jen here from Irene's Team. The short answer is by learning and practicing this nervous system work! This is what Irene teaches. We learn about the nervous system and how it works, and we learn practices we call "neurosensory exercises". These two components, along with learning to work with held survival responses in the nervous system, combine to grow nervous system capacity and regulation over time. Irene has created many free and paid resources to teach people how to do this. I'll link to one of her free resources, to a resource where she talks about capacity, and to her self-study program, The 21 Day Nervous System Tune Up so you can learn more. How to create a practice to build (nervous system) capacity - irenelyon.com/2019/01/15/how-to-create-a-practice-to-build-nervous-system-capacity/ 7 Steps to De-Stress - irenelyon.com/7-steps-opt-in-IL 21 Day Nervous System Tune Up - 21daytuneup.com/

[@felipelillo7624]

Any comments on depersonalization and derealization as a extreme way of dissociation?

[@teamlyon3109]

Hi Felipe Lillo, you named the essentials - from a nervous system perspective depersonalization and derationalization are symptoms of being in the freeze response (also known as conservation physiology). Working to grow underlying nervous system regulation and capacity often shifts these symptoms over time. If you haven't seen Irene's Healing Trauma training, it might be of interest as it's pretty comprehensive and in it Irene covers some related information (not about depersonalization and derationalization specifically, but rather about the implications of living in freeze, what can cause this, and what it takes to heal this). I'll link to it here in case you want to check it out. Free Healing Trauma training: irenelyon.com/healing-trauma - Jen from Team Lyon

[@danashannon8234]

I wish I knew

[@elsewherehouse]

Can this come from emotional neglect?

[@teamlyon3109]

Hi inverted halo, Seth here with Team Lyon. Absolutely! When an infant or child id not attuned to and responded to appropriately, their system will eventually start to default to the freeze response as a way to numb themselves to their circumstance.

[@elsewherehouse]

@@teamlyon3109 Thank you bunches Seth for your time and your response. Can you suggest any resources specifically about this? I'm curious about information regarding a child age 4 or younger.

[@petra5499]

Our parents were raised this way after worl war II.

[@CassandraAveolii]

i feel so sad watching your videos. so much hurting!

[@Spicynoodle2.0]

It’s like hibernation

[@allisonroehm4663]

Ur fine u didn't hurt yourself walk it off. Your not bleeding your not dying. Why did you do that?

[@janetrowe186]

I had to stick with my mom.could not work at 18.i had to stay home..

[@janetrowe186]

I was humiliated by the teacher in front of whole school..i had to go potty with another girl.she was to keep watch.but I got caught..so as we came in the teacher blasted me not her.with this cruel shame humiliation😮😢

[@janetrowe186]

My dad was in ww11.great dad

[@susettesantiago5509]

She takes so lonoooong back and forth……………

[@_cr8ive_]

Today I no longer wonder why people commit suicide.🥴🥹😖 Based on this its clear that 99% of adults dont realistically qualify to have children lol 🤦🏼‍♂️🤦🏼‍♂️🤦🏼‍♂️