Gender Differences in Dating, Stress, Hormones & Emotional Intelligence - Dr. John Gray

Have you ever wondered why stress affects men and women so differently in relationships? We're unpacking the fascinating dynamics of gender differences in coping with stress and how modern life has transformed these interactions. Reflecting on concepts from "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus," we discuss how women's stress skyrockets with increased independence, while men face heightened stress with dependency or lower testosterone. You'll discover how hormonal fluctuations impact motivation and procrastination, and explore activities that can naturally boost testosterone.
We also dive into the biological roots and cultural misconceptions of energy levels and stress responses, especially in parenting and household scenarios. Learn how a supportive partner can significantly amplify a woman's energy and reduce stress, debunking myths about testosterone and aggression in men. The discussion includes balancing physical activities with the demands of caring for young children, providing practical insights into maintaining equilibrium and reducing stress in a hectic life.
Emotional intelligence and effective communication are at the heart of this episode. We explore how societal influences and childhood experiences shape adult emotional reactions and gender roles. You'll hear strategies to manage emotions, overcome anxiety, and foster healthy relationships, especially in the wake of the COVID-19 shutdown. With practical advice on navigating emotional communication and understanding gender-based tendencies, this episode equips you with tools to enhance your relationships and personal well-being. Tune in for a rich exploration of how to balance and understand the nuanced emotional landscapes of men and women.
SHOW HIGHLIGHTS
- (00:00) Episode Intro
- (00:43) Gender Differences in Coping With Stress
- (15:15) Biological Realities and Cultural Views
- (19:12) Masculinity and Emotional Intelligence
- (29:36) Navigating Gender Differences in Communication
- (37:50) Navigating Emotions
- (45:34) Overcoming Anxiety and Processing Emotions
- (52:16) Effective Communication Strategies for Relationships
- (01:03:30) Influence of Shutdown on Motivation
ABOUT JOHN GRAY
John Gray is the author of the most well-known and trusted relationship book of all time, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. USA Today listed his book as one of the top 10 most influential books of the last quarter-century. In hardcover, it was the #1 best-selling book of the 1990s. Dr. Gray’s books are translated into approximately 45 languages in more than 100 countries and continues to be a bestseller.
Dr. Gray has written over 20 books. His most recent book is Beyond Mars and Venus: Relationship Skills for Our Complex Modern World. His Mars/Venus book series has forever changed the way men and women view their relationships.
John helps men and women better understand and respect their differences in both personal and professional relationships. His approach combines specific communication techniques with healthy, nutritional choices that create the brain and body chemistry for lasting health, happiness, and romance.
CONNECT WITH JOHN:
www.marsvenus.com/
📘 RESOURCES FOR YOU
FREE Shadow Work Journal: training.mantalks.com/shadow-guide-download
FREE A Man’s Guide To Ending Codependency: training.mantalks.com/codependency
My book, Men's Work: mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Online men’s group, The Alliance: mantalks.com/alliance/
🔗 CONNECT WITH ME
Follow the journey on Instagram: mantalks
Visit the website for more resources and tools: mantalks.com
Join the newsletter: training.mantalks.com/newsletter-signup
⚡️ WHO IS CONNOR BEATON & MANTALKS?
Welcome to the ManTalks KZbin channel. I’m Connor Beaton, and my mission is to help men break through the barriers holding them back.
Whether it’s in your relationships, your career, or your mental health, this channel is dedicated to giving you the tools, conversations, and insights you need to step into the man you’re meant to be.
Here, you’ll find real, unfiltered discussions on relationships, masculinity, purpose, and self-mastery. Subscribe, tune in, and start living a life with more depth, purpose, and power.
#GenderDifferences, #StressManagement, #HormonalFluctuations, #Testosterone, #Masculinity, #EmotionalIntelligence, #Communication, #Relationships, #Parenting, #HouseholdResponsibilities, #COVID-19Shutdown, #Anxiety, #EmotionalTrauma, #EffectiveCommunication, #Motivation, #TraditionalGenderRoles, #Self-Analysis, #EmotionalHealth, #EnergyLevels, #Procrastination, #emotionalregulation

[@JetteHernandez]

so does this mean women shouldnt go lift weights and exercise when they’re stressed? i don’t necessarily agree with the Doc’s belief that men shouldn’t talk when they’re stressed due to estrogen. there’s a lot of black and white thinking coming from him.

[@pazzodi3]

I think what he's suggesting is men process their thoughts and emotions first before speaking, it's called being stoic. I'm sure he wants men to talk, but first manage ones emotions.

[@alaalfa8839]

When people are in stress, pain, anger..... they dont think consciously, which means nothing you say ....they will hear, or pay attention. because the cognitivre brain is in different place of brain than the emotional brain. Its about children but a so adults... So they have to first calm down, come to their senses, in calm environment and after hour as they calm down and realise the things they are grateful for, then they are able to think consciously. The amygdala is different place, which means if you are very emotional you dont think consciously. But of course if you feel deep love, empathy compasion, it comes from heart, heart has its own brain, and when brain and heart are coherent then the person feels elevated emotions and thinks consciously.

[@darev6780]

" If you think strong men are dangerous, wait until you see what weak men are capable of " - Jordan Peterson

[@lorablackbird]

Yes!! Weak men abuse women. Strong men protect them. 🙌

[@v9b23j]

1:01:21 I wonder if incels and men who engage in post-separation abuse, stalking, harassment, revenge porn, sextortion have higher levels of estrogen coupled with spikes in testosterone levels that keep crashing. 🤔

[@oks39802]

God, this will always go so hard 🙌

[@punyashloka4946]

Do you think it has something to do with childhood trauma and parental wounds.

[@TheSveinberg]

Am I the only one who feels that John Gray is a bit too certain and categorical, and a few notches too full of himself? I was looking forward to a dialogue, but got a monologue of his convictions with very few options talk about nuances. Struggled to watch the whole thing.

[@alaalfa8839]

Its because humans have 60 000 thoughts a day subconsciously and they are aware only of 100 thoughts a day, because subconscious mind (original brain) works 95 percent a day conscious mind is very loving , happy, creative but works only 5 percent a day. He does a lot of seminars and events, so he is probably in his "seminar" mode where he explains most asked questions from clients, if you raelise taht youa re conscious and self-aware only 5 percent a day then you raelize that you operate mostly fčrom subconscious mind. Subconmscious mind works asd a computer program, its based on frequent habits, you repeated 100 times before.

[@philipramsden4975]

I don't watch porn. I'm constantly doing things around the house like yardwork, projects, etc. I'm a pretty calm person, and I hardly ever feel stressed. Maybe slightly annoyed sometimes, but nothing that huge to get stressed over. I guess I'm doing pretty good lol

[@corinahamilton96]

Hit me up if you're single 🤣

[@alaalfa8839]

I googled if alcohol, cigarettes and processed foods lower testosterone. It said yes it lowers testosterone. I wonder how it affects for example young teenage boys or girls. Maybe it would be good if the companies would produce a normal food, for mental and physical health. They save money too. "Some studies have found that regularly consuming trans fats from sources like processed foods could decrease testosterone levels. For example, one study in 209 men showed that those who consumed the highest amounts of trans fats had 15% lower levels of testosterone than those with the lowest intake."

[@Frosty7130]

Being fat also significantly lowers testosterone, and do you think fat people generally eat more or less unhealthy foods with trans fats? Edit for clarity: correlation does not equal causation

[@v9b23j]

Add to that a sedentary lifestyle, NEET and a porn addiction, and you have a man with even lower testosterone levels. From an evolutionary perspective, such a man is not reproductively successful and therefore has low mating value.

[@alaalfa8839]

I think that sometimes for both men and women works, some matra: some one word, or two. Some use word "Stop" or "change"...the brain shifts from over-thinking, into focus thinking. that stops the emotional analytical, loop of thinking feeling... then the brain feels much more focused, confident, productive. Because both men and women want to feel productive , or happy.... Woman feels I want to make things done, cooking or... I dont want to be in my head for 3 hours. Men feel the same way. But both have different methods.

[@WhiteStoneName]

10:30 the facts vs feelings section is complex. I like the DBT model. The feelings are facts *for the person* experiencing them. But they are not universal. If one is afraid, that’s a fact. But the narrative of why they’re afraid or the justification of the fear may or may not be a fact. No one knows the future. We all only know the now, to the degree that we are present in an integrated way. 23:45 - 24:00 yep. This is exactly what o was trying to illustrate.

[@AprilSunshine]

15:25 20x more energy

[@clipfredrick]

Absolutely brilliant

[@Frosty7130]

Pardon my English Connor, but I couldn't really keep listening to this crap for more than 11 minutes. I normally find you diligent on podcast, asking the right questions and holding guests accountable for their claims. But what you produced here is just ridiculous. Is there any actual data to backup whatever your guest is saying? Porn lowers testosterone? Talking about your emotions lowers testosterone? Measurable effects of drinkwater contamination on hormone levels? For men, dealing with your demons include: (1) exercise including resistance training in whatever form a couple times a week, (2) eat well, mostly natural products, (3) SLEEP 7-9h a day

[@yogeshsimpson7156]

Agreed. New to the channel and have been impressed up until this point. This guy is spouting the same fringey bullshit pseudoscience that RFK is, and retreading his antiquated gender theory. This is some seriously retrograde stuff. I'm surprised and disappointed to see him in the company of your other great guests.

[@alaalfa8839]

Enough sleep, relax , increases testosterone... He says men need 10 or 20 times more testosterone than women. Women have some testosterone to be conected sexually, intimate with a partner, or to be creatoive in her tasks, but men usually have more jobs to care of family etc, proovide, they are more productive and focused on tasks if they have enough testosterone. Testosterone makes man calm and focused, because it keeps his estrgen low, so he may focus better. Porn and alcohol stimulate the brain and body so much that he isnt able to focus on other tasks, and goals. Porn or gambling dont give him, the feeling of accomplishent as he gets from reading a book, or from some sports, where he gets some success. Sports give him long term success, or when woman tells him she loves his successful career and his talent, he feels veyr accomplished and loved, so he gets testosterone, from the fact that she gives him some compliment, that she like what he is doing. If her values are good. Men show love with action, women show love with accepting his love appreciating him.The feeling of accomplishent increases his testosterone.

[@alaalfa8839]

You may talk bout your feelings, but he ment the bets way is to discuss the problems with some coach or therapist or friend, because then you feel best accomplishment from it, if you discuss it with someone who understands it, or someone who had similar experiences. Or he also ment that many feelings are not real, which means they may be a projection from childhood trauma or some school, that the feelings may not be objective truth in present moment. She can not solve bad experiences of his youth, so as man can not solve her traumas from her past. But good relationships creates the good feelings.

[@octopusxoctopus]

I totally agree, I came with an open mind but as the episode progressed I just could not understand what I’m listening to. A lot of “shoulds” about how men and women should behave. I would love to see some of the science behind what he says, if there is any.

[@RTV_Podcast]

Love love love the new intro!

[@UnlockYourWellness]

John is the best!! Thank you :)

[@v9b23j]

15:21 Dr. Gray is implying that single mothers may have lower levels of estrogen and higher levels of cortisol compared to mothers who have the emotional and physical support of a male partner.

[@jonathanpratte1988]

Sounds logical.

[@GalacticWoman]

Listening to this I realised.I may be a man and know it lol

[@jjskip5577]

Serious question: I've seen plenty of content on the internet talking and teaching men about relationship dynamics and how women work. And a lot of us are doing the effort to get our shit together with life and relationships. On the opposite side, are women doing their part on understanding how men work? or this is only a mens issue? Sometimes I feel is a little delusional to think women are going to invest time in understanding how men work. Not because they are bad people, but because they are heavily conditioned to expect men to take care of them emotionally and not the other way around.

[@alexbluez7632]

that's a very good question. If you are in a relationship with a woman and she doesn't even want to entertain the idea that both of you should put in the work, you to understand her and she to understand you, then it's clear that it's a one way street and you can firstly address this issue and if she isn't willing to change, then leave her because she isn't worth the time and energy. Apart from relationships, no, I don't think that the majority of single women out there take the time to understand men, they are just bitter and blame men for all disasters not being able to take accountability for what they do wrong, and that is precisely why they are single in the first place.

[@alaalfa8839]

Alison Armstrong did book about it for women...She meets a lot of men and women who give her feedback. And women also do youtube seminars for women. But maybe the algorithm shows men only the certain videos.

[@jjskip5577]

@@alaalfa8839 and in all fairness, I don't think the majority of men and women are trying to understand how the opposite gender work. Most people just try to learn on the fly.

[@alaalfa8839]

@@jjskip5577 Or mostly on face to face seminars, its more healhy way to socialise in real life, thze body releases hormones when people talk to face to face.

[@alaalfa8839]

​@@jjskip5577 They do... But a real life seminars are better or to socialise in real life, face to face. Because people socialised over thousands of years thanks to face to face conversations, the healthy hormones are release ed when talking face to face to people. Therefore the dating apps seem a bit annoying, because there is only the dopamine. Alison Armostrong explains that first you have to understand yourself, your gender, give a yourself the love you need, taking care of your needs, doing sports, eat healthy, read books, then you are motivated to understand teh other gender. You can not go to understanmd other people before understanding your emotions and needs.

[@zloungeact]

First