I am disappointed that the qualifiers around anxious is more judgemental when describing punishing behaviors of avoidants. What about the simple interpretation that anxious have some awareness that they realize they have tried to reconnect so much, and feel spent and ignored, that they just see they fueling their own cycle when nobody in front is talking, so they just withdraw to fill their own well since the other person is not showing up to the bid for connection. If anxious has to respect need for space of avoidants, that's the reciprocal?

Listening to this woman talk about sex and what excites her was a HUGE turn-off for me. I don't want to listen to my partner talk! I want to fuck. This reminds me of The Bachelor TV Show. All they do is talk and talk. That is SO boring.

This is not a male female thing. This is a person thing.

I am the avoidant and my partner is the anxious . hahahah. hope we could work this out !!! 🤪🤪🤪

Thank you brother 🙏🏾

I found the whole podcast interesting and informative; one thing though; clarification is needed towards the way anal sex was portrayed. Around 30:00 . It might be “a lie” that most women can and will have an orgasm through anal sex; but the fact that some can, is not. The way it was phrased was a bit misleading/invalidating for some of us.

Does anybody made the maths, that means some men have at least 2 girlfriends or more…

"they don't want you they only want to know they can have you."

As a woman the best advice I can give is this if you sense a woman pulling away send her 1 succinct message that says: I sense a distance between us, I’d like to talk about it and see where you are. Don’t text her a hundred times, but don't ghost her to “teach her a lesson”. Ask her for a mature conversation how she responds tells you everything you need to know.

Only looks matter!

While these things are useful and how I understand it, attachment styles can be changed and healed. So, that should be paramount. Work towards healing your attachment style so he can have a healthy relationship.

I can tell who’s been called a soy boy before

I was with someone for 28 years married to them 25 of those years snd our sex life was never an issue. We must had been both sexual recepians lol Failure to understand communication is what killed the marriage for me

Perhaps the pheromonal chemical bonding is thwarted by modern lifestyles that involve showering, and exposure to household chemical vapors that stunt olfactory sensitivity. Cleaning products, nail polish remover, hair dye, hair spray, dry cleaning, fabric softener, could these products be disproportionally reducing women’s sex drive towards their partner more than men, by hindering their chemical bonding?

What if her Dad chose to not be in her life though

What a crock of woo woo bullshit

If anxiety is an issue of physiology of the body from 'old unresolved wounds', then how come a seven year old can have anxiety. Does a child have a younger self or an inner-child?

Men with high sex drives need to figure out how to be good in bed.

The courtship never ends

Men have to remember that every time you want sex, you have to woo your woman. Think if it like this… she is a flower that needs to be given sunshine and water before it will open to you.

I am wondering when do you know when you can talk about that though because what if you don't get into a secure relationship because you don't know if the person will be open to the things you want because if you talk about them before being in a secure relationship then as a woman talking about these things, men usually label you or perceive you a certain way?

imagine if sex during dating was still seen as asocial, like if we really dated for marriage, and married for more reasons than whether the sex is good. would obviously take some of the excitement out of it, but would just make life so much easier. easier to have female friends! relationships fall apart because of lack of trust, huge amounts of people not being over their ex, idk to me it just seems more practical.

Minute 6. For anyone - man or woman who is looking for a partner or for validation from others. Stop that. Start doing things to improve yourself - read books that feed you, exercise, go on adventures. And then when people get close to you, really evaluate if they add value to your life. When you have value, you will feel valuable and you won't put so much weight on how others see you or whether they desire you.

Galloway got rich on cheap stocks and now he feels like an authority because he got lucky.

Every once and awhile you come across something and you ask yourself: Is KZbin using it’s marketing machine ability to get me free therapy so I can earn more money and therefore inevitably spend more money with it’s affiliates? Thank you for this video my friend. Been really going through it lately, great to have some action steps.

50 to 55k is not a good salary at all, especially in a state like CT

18:35 This is true of me as a woman. I am typically not driven by lustful desire like men are.

This video is the real deal! too late ive seen this only now, would have I seen it weeks earlier I could have somehow saved the connection with my FA but, everything happens for a reason. I am an anxious type, and Ive been drained too an extent I dont want to be in it anymore. She never solidified anything with me, so I said we both have healing to do, why dont we heal ourselves and focus on careers..be friends and support each other grow and heal. she lashed out and everything was chaotic. I was too tired to reply. misinterpretation mixed with ego.

As a woman, this is a fascinating video to stumble upon and I agree quite a bit. Women need to program their minds too. I feel like, no matter what your gender is, we're bombarded with conflicting, intense sexual messages when in reality, there's so much more to life and at the end of the day. Plus, proper intimacy is so much better, so much more vivid and wonderful, if you're not numb. We're just numbing ourselves. We gotta stop so we can just live our lives and enjoy the world around us.

Jesus! This video should be" How to deal with a Princess!!"!! Or " Be an insect or the princess will beat you!!"

LOL! Nice mumbo-jumbo there from the "specialist"..... and then comes the engineer to dissect this. Because this is presented propagandistically as-if it is not that bad for men, and that there are women out there who seek more sex than their man, so it is not as bad as it seems. Wrong! Patently wrong! For starters, the average male libido is 10 times stronger than the average female libido. As such to find couples in which both are monogamous, faithful to each other (very important detail omitted here!), where the woman wants to be more sexually active with her man than him with her, you really need to fall to fringe cases of the woman being a literal nymphomaniac (which is a medical condition actually) and the man to suffer some physical or psychological illness such as diabetes or past trauma. Get your average man after a 12 hours shift to return home super tired and see his wife waiting for him naked and on all fours on the bed, and even if he has sex with her super frequently for the past 10 years and he just had sex yesterday, he will still not lose the opportunity and take her then and there, so strong is the male libido. Men need to have good reasons to miss an opportunity for sex and within marriage there are no such good opportunities, men just take anything they can take... and, speaking of healthy couplles, in the vast majority of times (not 75% but 95%) they are left craving for more. Now, speaking of the info this "specialist" speaks..... 25% female pursuers in "relationships", this is such an obvious lie. This already includes not just married couples but also circumstantial couples so it is evidently what it is all about. But we need to subtract first the "case number zero" : 0. This is the case of men suffering ailments such as diabetes (whether they know it or not) or trauma causing partial or full impotency. In these cases, we have to add also bi-men and homos who may not practice homosexuality and who married or paired up hoping to marry just to have a family but who naturally are not oriented having sex with women. Cumulatively, illnesses, psychological issues and homosexuality all could easily explain 5 to 10% of the cases (about a 3rd of that 25%). so then we are having the following 2 cases : 1. Women paired up with top-dog men, the 5%, who maintain an army of side chicks and who of course being constantly sexually satisfied they are not feeling the need to have sex frequently with their "standard one" which they maintain more for familial or social reasons rather than for romantic/sexual ones. This could easily account for 10% to 15% of couples (i.e. more than half of that 25% of female pursuers). Note that the percentage differential is down to these top-dog men often entertaining multiple women as well as down to the fact men below the 40% percentile in terms of value tend to be found less often in couples. 2. A last category, mostly among married men, are those who have been betrayed by the woman but stay with her for the shake of the family (to protect their children) or to avoid divorce costs (cheaper to keep her). Even if the woman has repented, apologized and vowed to do better, the man will be far less inclined psychologically to seek sex with her as it will keep reproducing in his mind her cheating. This could be included in the above "zero" category as psycho-trauma, however as this applies not to other women but only the cheating wife, it has to be on its own. It goes without saying that these men will go on to seek sex outside the marriage just like the 5% of men, but them mostly will do so with professional women or women of far lower socio-financial status and looks that are easy to get. It is difficult to say how many of these men exist out there but they are a lot (50% of women will go on to cheat at some point - and a visible minority of such marriages will not necessarily end up in official divorce). Once you clear out all the cases from "zero to hero", there is no such thing as 25% of women are sexual pursuers in relationships. This is a big lie and it is not just wrong to tell such lies to men but also downright immoral. This is yet another effort to obfuscate from the actual issue, i.e. the fact that in the quasi-totality of marriages between healthy women and men, the husbands receive dramatically less sex than what they would need to keep themselves satisfied and mentally healthy. This obfuscation is done to avoid all talk about marital duties in terms of sex. Women want to talk about marital duties only when it comes to financial obligations of the husband, that is all. Quit listening to "therapists" and "psychologists". Listen to engineers, mathematicians, statisticians - the hard sciences. Not only they are not the smartest of people out there, they are, most of them with extremely few bright exceptions (Dr. Orion Taraban), propagandists. Note too that currently females are more than 85% of all psychology students, so let that sink in. It tells you all you need to know about the "quality" of such studies. Google also "replication crisis", you will find a lot related to all this.

There are plenty of people discussing this, they are called women... this is why women see porn as infidelity. Obviously.

I’m the one that puts the candle on in our room. I take a shower. I brush my teeth before I go to bed.

She just destroyed my confidence with the dance subject. I worked in a bar for ten years, you would think i would have it down by now.. 😅

Illy be married to my wife 33 years Friday! I do get rejected! In our early marriage my wife used to please me! She used to be so crazy about sex! I tell her how much I crave for her! How beautiful she is! How beautiful she looks ! I feet lonely

This is absolutely awful advice. Orgasm is the easiest and cheapest way to break mental cycles like depression and Anxiety. It only becomes a problem if you are guilty and view wanting it negatively, which is exactly what this guy is trying to do, Pursue sexual satisfaction in whatever way is accessible to you without guilt. You will lead a happier and more effective life. And when you have had your orgasm get down to achieving your live goals with a clear head unimpeded by sexual frustration. What a stupid harmful video,

This was really good, thank you.

Do personality types like Meyers Briggs, tend correlate to attachment style in any way? Also, can two avoidants go anywhere or is it doomed? I feel like I’m in a weird slow game of tug-of-war where one of us keeps dropping the rope, walking away to take a break, and then re-engaging days or weeks later and its ok. I know this person likes me and I like him but I don’t care enough to be sad if nothing works out but it could be nice if it did, because he is finally someone who is not smothering me and is giving me personal space, but I don’t need anyone to be happy. It would just be nice to have someone to partner with travel with or do activities with who is similarly distant, or needs their personal space but also wants some level of companionship.

The emotional pursuer concept is being bandied about just to provide an excuse for women for not having sex with their husbands. The reality is that women's libido vaporizes after they have acquired a man and then they use sex as a weapon. Men should really stay off marriage. It is a scam.

I hear everything you’re saying, and I know I need to hear it. At the same time, it seems like pornography is such a godsend, because for all history guys have only been able to see one or two vaginas if they’re lucky and now we can see as many as we want, and we’re going to take it away from ourselves? That just strikes me as a little bit of a refusal to take advantage of technology, count me among the man who would like to see all Of the hot vaginas that I can see. That being said, if your guy has such a bad pornography addiction, that he can’t do his job, pursue his goals, or get girls in real life, then I agree he should quit. But let’s not paint everybody with that brush just because some guys can’t control it.

I would say it’s more like 95% of interactions are initiated by Women. Females know this but won’t admit it because if it becomes a legal precedent, they’ll have to pay cash money in divorces.

YOU SHOULD ADMIT YOU'RE A SCRIPTED FAKE ACTING AS IF YOU CAN TALK SO ELOQUENTLY AND ARE SO SMART AND RELEVANT. THAT WOULD BE REFRESHING.

100% scripted acting like it isn't

That was very informative. Thank you.

Both are heavy Porn users.

How absolutely incredibly psychologically resilient one must be to have an avoidant partner!!! Damn it lol. Don't touch them, don't talk to them, pretend you are dead, don't breathe, give them a choice to decide if they want you to be alive 😂😂 Jokes aside, nice video ❤

im working thru this too.. im gonna come back here in a few months and post an update - Focusing on making more art - started exercising again after a LONG time - stopping getting on cam sites, expensive thirst trap - trying to stop emotional eating urges and stopping takeout which is way too easy now - trying to stop porn consumption -- harder than i thought it would be - trying to work on alcohol /tobacco/weed triggers , still a wip

Great, deep conversation. Thanks guys!

The mayor issue with this is that men usually treat women very very equally it doesn’t matter who he dates he all takes them to roughly the same restaurants and spends roughly the same money. Women on the other hand jump into bed with 6‘4ft Chad an hour after meeting him rocking his world and fulfilling whatever desire Chad has in bed while the oofie doofie husband or long term boyfriend has to wait 10 dates or a month and suddenly she is just not that much of a sexual person and doesn’t want to do certain things in bed. It is a nightmare scenario and destroys your entire ego and any self confidence as a man. This is why men don’t like to date women with a bodycount of 10 or something. If she lets you wait a long time while her bodycount is 10 you know some of those dudes got it way earlier and cheaper than you. At that point the only option is to leave or to slowly die inside.

My wife says, "You doing the dishes IS foreplay..." ...Um, this feels like a trick. I didn't do your dishes before we were married and everything was cool... All the rest of the random jobs around the house, while providing and making you feel secure etc, all of THAT isn't foreplay somehow, but now you're telling me I get you horny by doing YOUR chores too? My chance at getting a boner was lost after the second dish... Not exciting. And where does it end? I'm doing the shopping, I'm scrubbing the floors, I'm doing the laundry, the dishes, vacuuming and by the end of the day I've done everything and have successfully worked myself right out of wanting sex at all. So now, she doesn't have to do any chores, and she doesn't have to have sex with me... Witchcraft. ... Doing the dishes is foreplay. Pffft. Naw. You holding my legs up and licking the patch of skin between my butt and my balls is foreplay. Do you actually want me? Cause it feels like you just want me to take care of you with no obligation to do anything for me.