Generational TRAUMA & Family SECRETS & LIES with Dr. Thema

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#relationshipadvice #datingadvice #marriageadvice
🕘Timestamps:

[@HardlyInitiated]

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[@mzhope213]

When she said "somethings that help you survive keep you from living," I feel that.

[@detroitkaraoke]

Coping mechanisms

[@feliceoliviablack]

She literally was saying this as I was reading your comment!!!

[@chy102495]

Same here

[@sharonroseman5918]

Me too

[@alicedaniels740]

THE 💡💡💡 CAME ON 💯

[@Tmmd75]

Wow I'm surprised she said that people try to praise themselves out of something. People hide behind religion instead of taking responsibility to resolve their issues.

[@thearaward6112]

True

[@Jennifer-t3g]

Dr. Thema is a gem to the Black community speaking powerful truths … dispelling a lot of core beliefs … helping to navigate us through

[@dchilds7888]

And a woman of God

[@Djwizjeepjams]

Yes she is!

[@w3n33dam1racl3]

"People want to jump pass accountability". This was my family members and i told them no. You want me in your life, see your grandchildren, etc you need to repent. Definitely healing for me.

[@queendove6376]

I understand. 😊

[@brenqueen]

AMEN!! I been waiting for them to repent and they have not, I’m 66 yrs old and I refuse to go along with the cover up and lies. They took worship at church from me. I am home worshiper.

[@ChavaSaiRaa]

I agree. 💯

[@camilleswift7671]

Accountability 🙏

[@Bri_Swiney]

I've experienced men opening up to me and that meant absolutely nothing to them. They actually used their traumatic experiences to manipulate me into feeling sorry for them then turned around and tried to inflict that same -if not worse trauma on to me.

[@HandsofGlory1]

That was also narcissistic behaviors too

[@Bri_Swiney]

@@HandsofGlory1 You are absolutely right! The last guy who did that to me thought I was going to feel sorry for him. I just stood there and let him soak in his feelings. After he was done acting this guy told me as a child he would manipulate his mother into getting him things - as if he didn't just cry on the floor about his daddy abandoning him 5 minutes before. You would've thought his he was 2 different people.

[@clreed244]

I had always had a foreboding sense of abandonment, yet had never been abandoned. Light bulb came on in a random conversation with an ex and realized...it was my Mother's trauma. She had been abandoned at birth.

[@SaitonRigha]

Took a while to realize that my child has the same from my own abandonment. Was so heartbreaking but glad God made me realize it earlier so I can deal with it

[@dw9054]

Wow!!

[@HandsofGlory1]

Also start healing your inner childhood traumas. You would realize those Intergenerational Traumas are real even within you

[@thisislydiab]

I’ve been supporting this platform for a min, but had to comment on this one. We’re so privileged to witness Dr. Thema share her wisdom and warmth on this channel! Congrats! 🌹

[@lb1798]

Where did she talk about her Mom ruining her marriage??

[@shmeikahall4809]

Blessed! The piece where she spoke about religious people talking around issues rather than identifying them was spot on. I’ve witnessed this so much and almost adapted the behavior. However, it became frustrating (especially when my past marriage was breaking down through lies and distrust). Putting on the appearance of moving forward when we really aren’t.

[@mhenderson3407]

WOW! This lady is brilliant!🤍✨ Powerful and insightful conversation! Well done, Everyone! Thank you!!

[@Christimony222]

This is actually a great podcast. Not like the podcast that just have bitter black men talking. This one actually educates, inspires, and empowers. And, these men are not ignorant. They are students are life who also know how to articulate their own thought. I genuinely would be extremely proud if I was their family member. They are representing their families name very well. Happy thanksgiving !!

[@HandsofGlory1]

I agree 💯

[@MegaDiva1999]

This is powerful including the family meals that hide a multitude of anger, abuse, lies, incest, adultery and other nasty little family habits... We need to do differnt and stop hiding wickedness under food and performance prayers. We need to NAME the issues. This is a reason I dont do Christmas at home anymore. Exception was last year because parents had been sick and honestly... Could have done without it

[@valeriematthews6275]

Re-BLESSED!!! Received and took notes second time around!

[@allisonlebby1907]

Soul Food Movie is prime example eating food to avoid the pain

[@Gigilovehugs]

So true

[@malenomadiclion2030]

People perish due to a lack of knowledge 🧠😴😭😡 Once the ignorance is removed the suffering is removed 🧠🥹😃😃

[@LadiiPhenom]

Blessed! When you guys talked about the victim becoming the abuser….This is legit my testimony. I had to realize my actions and where they came from. Once I did I then had to hold myself accountable and go back and apologize to the people I hurt when I was hurting.

[@WinningWaysWithStephannie]

Dr. Thema is always on point. TY for having her on. At 66 years of age much of what was discussed tonight, I have experienced. Humbly, I am still doing the essential work to becoming the better me. Definitely sharing ✨

[@beverleyreid7572]

I hear you my sister. I too have been there and still slowly growing. God bless!!

[@LowkeySwin]

“Take your healing out of the hands of the people who harmed you” she was breaking everything down to a T!🔥👏🏽

[@_byefat]

This was so good. I feel like the truth teller in my family, which has led to feeling like a misfit. Once you heal and the veil is lifted, you can't UNsee. It's a process of grace to navigate life with those who choose to not see or they can not yet, subconsciously.

[@MegaDiva1999]

Being a truth teller is a hard and heavy mantle. Never fit in. Often blamed for speaking out and for seeing things as they are, not as others have convenient lycreated them.

[@ReadWell572]

"take your healing out of the hands of the people who hurt you" remove the expectation of an apology. attend to your wounds with compassion and courage.

[@brendalva_11]

The part about not having to wait until the person that wronged me to change in order for me to begin healing. Also the weird dynamic between mother and grandmother because my daughters have a hard time understanding their grandma doesn't treat them the way she treated me while I was growing up. Thank you guys for being an example that men can talk about these things too!😊

[@MY-im5qp]

Blessed! I love this. The hyper- independence resonates with me. As a single woman and mother, even in adolescence, I have always had to take care of and protect myself. Unfortunately, in childhood i didn't have people who actually cared to protect and provide for me until adulthood. So in adulthood, as a woman, I became hyper independent because (1)no one was going to do it for me, (2) I wont let myself down. In relationships, i never wanted to ask for help with anything, even if i needed it. Though, I expected the person in my life to take initiative or see the need and fulfill it(unspoken expectations). Because that didn't happen, it often led to burn out, feeling relationship imbalances and as of late, not wanting to be in a relationship in the future (more reasons why that i will not go into). Long story short, I am aware that i am this way because of my experiences and not giving others the chance to "let me down" per se.

[@346bre]

Sis this resonates with me so much omg 😳

[@DrGeorgianne]

People don't want to be judged

[@salinahill8640]

This is a good topic to put out before Thanksgiving. I'm sure a lot of folks need to have this type of conversation this week.

[@cocopeterson2737]

This episode was an interesting one. I had a falling out with my grandmother after I moved into her house in 2020. I didn't even make it pass a year of living there since she handed me an "eviction notice" on my birthday and I was out in February. Family members came to my defense since she has done this to other family members. Fast forward to my birthday week that I share with my sister. She flew in and prior to, told me that she wanted to meet said grandmother despite not having a good relationship with her. At first I agreed, but then found out that I was still hurting from what happened almost 3 years ago. It's been awkward trying to talk about it to others because grandmothers are seen as the sweetest people of any family. Wish it was true for mine, but it isn't. This has shown me that eventually when I have healed, I will eventually have to bring this up to establish a boundary to have her in my life. Right now it's no contact.

[@jeanettesdaughter]

I feel you. I have a no contact with a section of my family but I have hope that it won’t last forever. But right now for my mental health, it’s necessary. I’m the namer in my family, always have been, so you know, I get ostracized . And t gets lonely but it’s okay because I simply cannot keep quiet to survive. I’m trying to live. Keep your no contact clauses on God dear person!

[@lg206]

I am so glad this is being covered. People keep talking about who is husband and who is wife material without any consideration what environment that person grew up in. A a person who grew up in struggle and animosity is not going to ever have the same relationships as the person who grew up with love and stability.

[@whenyouwishuponastar6643]

Although I agree, I wouldn’t say they’ll never have the same relationship. I guess that’s the purpose of healing that you can ultimately have healthy relationships, it may take more work to get there though.

[@lg206]

@@whenyouwishuponastar6643 in order to do the work you have to realize that what you were taught isn’t normal. Look how many women are taught that their education makes them the prize. Meanwhile, they are walking around with multiple baby daddies, morbidly obese, and have the conflict resolution skills of a Doberman. A woman like that can’t do the work because she’s too busy thinking her undergrad degree makes her a prize. Same with men

[@angelcandelaria6728]

This episode is perfectly timed. I really needed this . This is me. My mom is oldest of 6 and her mom is the same. This week i chose to detach from her. She is the person who is in the church hole screaming and not changing. You are not alone my fellow black scapegoats and sheeps

[@rachellerockel]

Proud of you sis

[@ajordan1847]

Dr. Thema is the truth. The best of the best. And the president of the American Psychological Association (APA).

[@valeriematthews6275]

Blessed indeed... By my sister in ministry ! TRUTH is~ hurt people, hurt people!

[@veeniceaii6727]

“What is the right way to use religion to heal?“ Tysean, get out of my head!! Awesome question. You guys always bring quality guest, and always pull the best info from them to the benefit of your audience. So grateful for this channel ❤

[@Naymichelle76]

Yes it was an awesome question. I mistakenly used religion as a coping mechanism also instead of getting much needed therapy.

[@veeniceaii6727]

@@Naymichelle76 I can relate, growing up in a pious Pentecostal home. There was no balance. Developed a wrong perspective of God as a punisher and conditional lover. Still struggle with that as am adult at times.

[@PryorityMaleLLC]

Great podcast! What I've learned over time is that we can't expect us out of them... This has saved me a lot of heart ache, pain, and misunderstanding.

[@kellybrown9695]

Thank you soooo much for this topic. You have no idea how many people need to receive this word 🙏❤

[@thisbloomingroomwithcoachc7782]

Am glad ro see Dr Thelma getting her recognition on these kinds of platforms. She is a gem and a diamond in the ruff. Talk your talk Doc, we're here for it!

[@RealLove-i5w]

I enjoy listening to Dr. Thema! ❤👍Keep allowing God to use you !

[@scw24]

❤blessed! I came here for Dr. Bryant but left with a new podcast to listen to. This was such a great podcast and topic especially for those of us journeying thru new family norms and trying to heal from what we experience and what we unknowingly inherited. Thank you 🙏🏽

[@BABUIL25]

She is awesome 😎! Thank you for having her on your show! ❤

[@lifecoachjess967]

Ryan- thank you so much for your vulnerability in sharing your personal family experience.I was almost in disbelief as I listened to you speak about your experiences with your mother and grandmother. I never imagined that this same dynamic could be taken place in other families. Your family dynamic is parallel to mine. Visiting my mother and grandmother has been stressful for years behind the issues they have amongst each other. Making sure to not seem to excited to see one over the other, not staying too long at my grandmothers than I did at my moms, making sure their Mothers' day gifts were similar in value. It has been an emotional/mental drain for me. Only thing that has slightly helped the situation is my grandmother moving out of state.

[@atobias2013]

That’s crazy to have so much drama at a family event. My mom’s side of the family doesn’t have this issue. My dad’s side of the family will sometimes have tension.

[@angelb.3941]

that's deep-with faith I can face the mountain and have faith--I can sit with my situation and drama and talk about it--that was so deep--instead of avoiding it and spiritualizing it and speaking about it in metaphor---DEEP!!! & SO TRUE

[@freddrickwilson6527]

We have to actually communicate our trauma,rather than hiding behind religion!

[@DATBOYT5400]

I've shared this with several people!! Very powerful, thought provoking and sobering...dealt with the $hit ALL OF US deal with on some level of our dysfunctional culture that is therapy starved....

[@lisabowman877]

Ty you’re asking some deep questions! I love you guy’s vulnerability and opening up to us! ❤❤❤

[@ingerdowning1211]

I am a product of generational trauma and generational conflict. This episode is very beneficial to me. She is on point with this topic!!! It is validation of what I felt, experienced, grew up having to deal with and how it continuously has affected me over the years. I'm glad I caught this show.

[@LowkeySwin]

“Some things that help you to survive, keep you from living”😮‍💨🔥

[@docd2026]

Now y’all done out did yourselves getting Dr Thema!!!! Well done! Glad to be an initiate bc these discussions are ELEVATED

[@shmeikahall4809]

Yes!! What a gift and a treasure ❤️

[@miapettway8731]

This must be God sent as I came upon this podcast listening with my heart heavy. I was looking for something to listen to that work, but I’m here at this very issue as a husband and my mom but just yesterday with Attorney calling me with an aunt who is emotionally pissed off about who knows what is generational. Instead of one person signing a paper document leave the family she chooses to hold on and keep this property in here because she don’t want to do what needs to be done 😢

[@nita8333]

Blessed! So much of what Dr. Thema said was confirmation, clarification and/or needed.

[@LowkeySwin]

“We have a picture of people that can sometimes make us not believe the fullness of their identity” BROOOO😮‍💨

[@cynt4homes]

I appreciate the conversation on people opting out of relationships and children. I am in the same space as the sister it sounds like where I have become turned off by relationships and often wonder why because I did want one at one point now I’m just focused on other things.

[@Phoenix111.1]

Who’s peace am I keeping

[@sharaledonbrave7971]

BLESSED!!! Thank you for this! Dr. Thema delivered the Women’s Day message this year at Ebenezer Baptist is Atlanta. So, I got a taste of her knowledge and wisdom. However, sitting with you two asking questions has really given me more insight. I just sent the link to my sibling and first cousins, suggesting that after they watch it, to lovingly send it to our parents. This was absolutely phenomenal. I have subscribed!!! Keep up the good work!!!

[@cMrob73]

Thank you for this video. I'm from a family of 16 and it's painful to even think about the trauma that we went through from a controlling and firm dad who use to beat my mom seemed like every weekend and some other things that's too painful to share. My upbringing has left me even now at 72 fearful about many things. It comes out in different forms such as being an introvert; although I have a business, it's hard to do live marketing; my relationships with my two sons, nieces and nephews are distant. I have a shield that I put up that pushes them away and it's my security blanket. This presentation is helping me so much. God Bless.

[@enumangene6914]

So Blessed Dr. Thema played a very crucial role in my life, especially when I was newly beginning to heal and understand some of my experiences, she strongly encouraged me through her post on social media to find my voice, in “the Homecoming” love her ❤️❤

[@HandsofGlory1]

Yessss!! Me too!! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾🔥🔥❤️❤️

[@EmpoweredByGod-egIL]

I so appreciate Ryan's transparency... Brother, you are the Bloodline Breaker in your family.🙏🏽

[@adamsandrock163]

What a beautiful spirit she has. AND a wonderful speaker-communicating so clearly and intelligently! You go sister!!

[@lesleysantafield0692]

Blessed! Mostly if not all of what she said has resonated in my spirit.

[@HamptonConway]

Blessed. This woman is a national treasure.

[@2B-Steele]

My Family Function class taught me so much about this. Yes that Spiritualization be tripping me out. …I know a couple of people that do this

[@naldosrecords]

Such a powerful discussion ❤Thanks for going through what you have and getting on the other side to be able to having such conversations with all it's nuance and depth. This will change lives.

[@1goldenbutterfly]

I'm looking forward to this conversation. ♥

[@jeanettesdaughter]

This is so very good. Spiritualizing the issue instead of naming it. That nails it! Or making it cultural or political - that’s what my intellects and progressive unchurched people do. So we all have a way of not naming it. OMG. I’m exhausted with the not naming and the finger pointing. So where do we go from here⁉️

[@marianbruce-tagoe1885]

Blessed!!! This was amazing! Just to have the verbiage and the strategies to deal with myself first and then extend an olive branch to family members. Thank you, Dr. Tema.

[@SheilaWorkman]

Highly blessed by this podcast segment 🙏🏾

[@msangbro]

Blessed! Such an on time conversation for the holiday season!

[@gregorydavis1756]

I have come to realize that because of childhood family trauma I dread The thanksgiving/Christmas holidays My birthday is Thanksgiving and i still don't know who my Parents/family are.

[@ambermedlock9004]

Praying for healing and peace for you.

[@chanelwilliams2451]

This was great and needed. Thank you and and Amen

[@shanonnesmith80]

Gems Dropped. BLESSED to listen, release and related!!!! Thank you All❤

[@onthegoodsideco]

😢at some I also said it's just 30 years of being an accountant. So glad I woke up😢

[@minkitaravenell9621]

Blessed Blessed Blessed!!!

[@Theblvckgems]

I need to start my own show 😂, this a lay up for healing yourself

[@sherineofficial7851]

I love this lady!

[@nicholeneal8]

BLESSED! This has changed me on how to confront those who have offended me in a healed space and how to take accountability and ask for forgiveness when I was the offender. Thank you for this!

[@ellewoods6549]

Y’all don’t know how y’all really releasing some people with this. Thank you!

[@LeshiaBogan]

Blessed! Thank you!

[@jay_hovita]

BLESSED!! Always enjoy hearing Dr. T speak

[@M_Sabbaly]

This is what purpose looks like

[@octaviusgreen1354]

Well Said. Thanks Dr. Thema ❤It

[@sljcsu]

I just had a free therapy session 😌 thank you

[@Mamamangolina]

When I confronted family they always denied everything so there’s no fixing it!

[@jeanettesdaughter]

It’s the denial that blocks the fixing. If they can stop thinking that denial is a River in Egypt it is fixable. It’s just the devil they know! And you’ve grown. But don’t let that stop you from moving in whichever direction you need to live. I’ve learned to even snub people with love. Ikr. So rude but I try to do it with love 😂It just hits different that way.

[@tracymangum2522]

Thank You for this!

[@lindaadams444]

Yes! You heal through your testimony!! Amen!! That gives other hope that they are not alone in whatever they went through!

[@Naymichelle76]

My God!!!! Excellent and helpful conversation!!🙏🏾

[@queendove6376]

Love this discussion. So much truth. I’ve learned to be honest and encourage others to be honest with me too. I’m polite and compassionate, but honest too. My siblings are not able to handle it when I want them to tell me the truth. It’s hard to hear but I still want them to tell me and be honest too. Otherwise we avoid each other because we have not expressed the issues and there is no cleansing. I found out many times there are misunderstandings and negative perceptions , distortions of the truth. Being open and honest with one another, helps you see it through another’s eyes. Even when it was not always intentional. Yep we hurt each other unintentionally. But confession to one another helps. I promise them I will listen but please allow me to respond too. I try not to defend myself but just listen to their grievance, accept any truth spoken and then pray 1st about what I want to say and act accordingly. I found texting gave them time to reflect, think and pray and I did the same. Be blessed!

[@JosieLaBord]

I appreciate this segment.

[@nnennaijeomaubah1165]

Thank you for this message

[@sharonroseman5918]

The food & spiritual analogy was spot on

[@vanessacopland]

Hello from Trinidad and Tobago 🇹🇹 locked and listening ❤

[@miyoshistallings6562]

I'm grateful for this interview, very informative and insightful.

[@DeniseBrownStylist]

Thank you so much for doing this interview it is so right and what I needed. ❣❣❣❣❣

[@millyuganda05]

Thank you so so much!

[@tinieshabrown595]

Blessed!! 🙌🙌🙌🙌This is so powerful and true!! I will be talking the Doctor's advice!! She is the truth!!!👏👏👏

[@shay_d9795]

Blessed I feel I definitely need to apologize to some people that I might have harmed unintentionally. TFS ❤

[@megan_mack]

This was PHENOMENAL. Thank you

[@EmmaLegerme]

That conversation is soul empowering. Thank you.

[@brandibrooks1326]

This episode was sooo good! Thank you for this!

[@lindenyork2947]

Dr Tama so true about the hurting I really appreciate this Conferation I relate emotion labour and Intergenerational Truma or conflict do not truest easily helping you get me racism,poverty, earn love, work sleeping, words mother mask on inesent no how to Minipulate people she is older mother so i am lie think always right her mistakes curse, slave, slapping you taking very seriously and interesting I hide myself if visit be looks praise people you are the Queen bee ,beautiful mother very angry, mother told me looks is skin deep i goto school, very jealous venessa york SA I am weathy praise God Thakyou Blessed I feel loved😊

[@toniaisley6097]

This was so good! Four pages of notes and reflection. Dr Thema never misses!

[@Rootstorenewal]

I thought I was the only one taking notes

[@nubiancutie5972]

“Why do you keep making mistakes?said my Daddy”

[@pamelazingisa4448]

So sorry

[@betsyrosales5610]

Beautiful message! Thank you all for sharing your wisdom 🙏🏼

[@Patrizia4Christ]

OMG few minutes in and I am already blessed. Wow guys. Thank you. So grateful to my GOD how he has delivered and healed me in so many ways! #Jesus