The Natural Urge to Expose Covert Characters and Depression

It's natural to want others to see through the facade of your covert abuser. But trying too hard to expose can easily lead to depression. Best to put your time, energy, and attention where you truly have power. That's the "formula" for inner peace and joy.

[@swright4000]

I made the mistake of trying. It’s hard to expose something that no one understands.

[@sissi8610]

Thank you, I really needed to hear this today. I do have a print out of the drama triangle, perpetrator, rescuer, victim, and have been reading it a lot lately, due to new neighbours. I find it so hard to resist my natural impulse to help, rescue, do things for others. I'm learning that often times these "helpless" people are not so helpless after all, they have a pattern, and I'm much better off not to get entangled. It's a hard lesson, with feelings of guilt on a daily basis. I still rescue, but it's animals, today I was so lucky to meet up with some random strangers on a busy road, we circled a lost dog, and between the 4 of us, I was able to pick up the little bugger and reunite him with his family. They've left the gate open! This poor dog almost got run over! So, I think I just focus on me, and the rescue of stray animals for now. Thank you, Dr Simon, I hope you are well!

[@Notmytoe]

Thank you so much for this video!! This is the exact isssue that has been tearing me up for a few months. My parents are narcissists. I'm pretty sure my dad is malignant and my mom is not quite there, but pretty close. The way they have sabotaged my life for the past decade has been huge. As a result of the immediate damage, I had to do a deep dive into what was going on. And now, thank God, I am back on track and living more on my own terms. Trying to recover the damage and make a peaceful life. I don't even want to expose my parents to others, who have their own reasons to hold onto delusion. But, I keep getting called selfish, self absorbed, and unempathetic because I refuse to "help" my parents with their consistent drama and agony. They play helpess in hopes that I will come running, so that I can waste my energy on their constant CREATED issues. To keep me trapped. In the past, they have faked having deadly illnesses and everything. Other people, who I trusted, call me selfish for jumping off this hamster wheel. They treat me like I did something very evil by simply distancing myself. This behavior from them was really starting to make me doubt myself. My parents have everyone else twisted into thinking that they require the same amount of care as a newborn infant. They make it seem like "abandoning" them is as evil as abandoing a baby. But I am really not doing anything wrong by focusing on myself. I don't have kids and I'm 30... it's literally my right to focus on myself for now.

[@thewaywardtrio]

I bought and read in sheep's clothing. Light bulbs galore going off thank you!

[@vickieellis6876]

He is two different people. He cares about how other people see him. Not me!! I love what you said about expose. I told him I was going to expose him. He knows now he cant manipulate me anymore. Or lie to me, and get a way with it. I finally woke up. He is so moody. Wont inter act with me. Wont answer me. I use to get upset. Not anymore. I wont acknowledge it. I m dealing with a child.

[@bethtaylor9773]

Not giving the power over other people to make me ok means my remembering that Jesus loves me and that's more than enough. He died on the cross to save us all from our sins. Since He saved me from my sins, I can more easily give Him the abuse that others give - then I'm free from resentment and can pray for them to be free of their sins. Over the years, doing this, God has not allowed anyone to harm me in the long term. And then I'm free to see the people in my life who also love and trust Jesus and who don't act in harmful ways.

[@janetpattison8474]

After years of narc attacks, while I was playing nice, and ALWAYS trying to keep the peace, at my own expense, it wasn’t til I found all the professional help on YT that I knew I wasn’t alone here. And that it’s common and predictable if u have a narc like person in your life. Time to set firm boundaries and/or go no contact asap.

[@ceilconstante640]

In the Christian faith tradition we're taught to put others 1st. Especially if you grew up Catholic. I didn't get the memo to not throw pearls before swine till later in life. This is a message I can never hear enough of because the temptation is to expose. But it's the worst thing we could do! I've learned to become my own best friend. To take my time getting to know others and to be more assertive.

[@beatagoodluck-qg1we]

Doesn't the Bible say l"ove others as yours" not instead yourself.

[@patriziapanetta2021]

Thank you Dott.Simon, You are so accurate in your lectures and extremely helpful. Thousands thanks

[@annastone5624]

‘The Formula for joy’ what beautiful concise advice!! Thankyou! 💖💖💖

[@marciahammond9735]

Excellent advice, difficult to accept because most people want to 'get their own back' but there is more power in ignoring and walking away in silence from toxic people.

[@tessellatiaartilery8197]

Valuable advice towards healthy growth and healing. Thank you very much.

[@NateB]

It’s easier to listen at 2x speed, and I wish there was a transcription. But the information in this video is worthwhile. “Invest out time and our energy where we have power.” “…what’s more important is that you take care of yourself.”

[@karenhope6986]

Yes, trying to let go. Great axiom, love and be loved...no toxicity

[@taffytaffy1451]

Thank you Dr. Simon, for sharing your knowledge.

[@sylviekaiser1064]

I read 2 of your amazing books! Thank you! Please keep speaking and sharing- finally a straight talker! I so appreciate you

[@JasonWilliams-ro8nm]

Wise advice my friend. Thank you for sharing your insights

[@godzillamanstreb524]

Wow this is gold & exactly what I’m experiencing with narc siblings…..thank you so much Dr Simon💙

[@dnk4559]

Same here. Our narcissistic scapegoating father has passed. The sibs have taken over where he left off.

[@suzannebunbury2961]

Thank you for this beautiful wisdom❤

[@NotYourNikt]

I throughly enjoy your videos. So much wisdom here!! Thank you 🙏

[@darrenfreeman9139]

This was a message I needed to hear. Thank you so much!

[@ivadedeva7005]

Dr Simon, when you said that I want to tell everyone and how hurtful and betrayed I feel you are describing exactly myself and my father, who I can no longer see him without contempt. You are definitely describing my depression and feelings very well. I think this urge to do it comes from the therapy I was put through.

[@cj2507]

A perfect word from Dr Simon. Thank you as always sir! 👏🫶🏻

[@michelleburstrom2548]

Your videos are excellent and very informative.

[@lioubovgrant1935]

Thank you !

[@deeboolove1301]

Wise powerful helpful words. I NEEDED TO HEAR 👂🏻 THANKYOU 🤩🙏💌

[@gurwal1967]

Thank you so much for this video

[@sharonnugent408]

My depression was low vitamin D2 in Mt blood

[@gdem0503]

So helpful..thank you

[@grandmaslifeandstories]

Timely and solid advice. Thank you! I plan to heed your advice.

[@josephineananda]

Isn't justice also a command?

[@ddean1420]

Thanks so much Dr. Simon, your work is inspiring, and very helpful 💗

[@laurarettig9874]

Great advise.

[@suzannebunbury2961]

Yes.

[@sheilajac]

What about when your character, life and health is destroyed and you want to clear your name and criminally charge someone for the best of reasons, which is so that they don't go on to hurt anyone else??

[@janetpattison8474]

If able to prove that the person broke the law, that’s what the courts are for. Often it takes massive amounts of money to pursue, but if it’s a small claims situation that’s different.

[@sheilajac]

@@janetpattison8474 it's very much a criminal issue. That's the job of the police and shouldn't cost me a dime? Also, the character assassination was very public so even if i was to pursue a civil case, it would be easy and shouldn't cost much at all, but its not civil, it's criminal and there's a lot of people involved.

[@sandrathomas2893]

From my own personal experience, and witnessing others battling narcs it always backfires and damages you even more. Count your losses, detach and move on. It's a spiritual battle with these ppl and they'll never quit!

[@MariaSantana-ul5wd]

Indeed. 2 Timothy 3:2 For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,

[@SeanRhoadesChristopher]

Psalm 73

[@MRRS-ee1cd]

I can’t not expose. There police and a higher learning institution is involved with his crime. I must do something to avoid other innocent people to suffer.

[@saturdayschild8535]

The just consequences of their naïveté?

[@janetpattison8474]

I didn’t understand that either. It’s the narc’s victims that are naive, at least til I woke up.

[@saturdayschild8535]

@@janetpattison8474 Dr. Simon gives such great and detailed explanations, I want to hear more on this one. He’s taken on victims being labeled codependent. I’d love to hear a deeper answer on this and hear his take on actual victims that are healing and growing being told talking about what happened to them means they suffer from a victim mentality.

[@gailrosenberg48]

A few years ago I came to the conclusion that I was too trusting too quickly. That to me is naivete. I did not take the time to properly vet the character of the person and instead just assumed they were like me. Dr. Simon and others teach that character disturbed people are profoundly different from the rest of us who live by the golden rule--do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Forgiving myself for being too trusting was a big part of my ongoing healing process. It is particularly challenging when the people who have been manipulative or abusive are excellent image managers who profess deep faith in Jesus Christ.

[@saturdayschild8535]

@@gailrosenberg48 Thank you for sharing this. I came to this conclusion very recently. I was raised by a family of narcissistic people and their enablers on both sides. I was groomed to be their scapegoat and people please. I’m glad to have a name for what I’ve gone through. God truly does watch over babies and fools. I’m trying not to be jaded but it’s hard when you were born into such toxicity so you didn’t learn how to avoid it.

[@gailrosenberg48]

@@saturdayschild8535 The wonderful thing is that we survived and learned. For however many years we have left on this planet we can be discerning AND loving, but never be anyone's plaything. God bless you!

[@auroraborealis6398]

Do we distance ourselves from the people who don't believe us? Thanks again for that knowlegde you're sharing with us Dr Simon🙏