Ghosting: Why Some People Just Disappear

[@Drudenfusz]

It is better to be ghosted than to stuck with a vampire that just sucks the life out of you.

[@dr.crystalspice1412]

BULLSHIT! ghosting hurts

[@sweetcinnamonpnchkin]

Press “X” to doubt

[@1justice2012]

@@dr.crystalspice1412 Well is better that way because a person clearly is telling you that he doesn't want anything to do with you, isn't a pleasant feeling but its better to count your losses.

[@rafidi1692]

@@dr.crystalspice1412 So does betrayal and persistent backbiting. Treat people right and ghosting will occur much less, and not be a loss when it does.

[@woodyblox7724]

1justice2012 Lol, it’s not clear at all, that’s what makes ghosting so hurtful for most people. They wait and wait hoping that it’s just a short phase or at least wishing for an explanation but nothing happens.

[@Kenjibudo]

Now you're just somebody that I used to know.

[@Ikiratuki]

I will never be a memory...😎

[@dmrc43]

Patrick Williams it's too real🤣

[@jonijokunen3542]

But you didn't have to cut me off.

[@zypherdose]

Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing

[@spacealienjesus709]

Patrick Williams Elliott Smith?

[@JoryBlake]

I ghosted everyone, now I'm alone...true story

[@syl3317]

karma is a bitch

[@robk416]

Solitude is bliss

[@sleavemealonegoogle1943]

You really deserve it!

[@MysticSigma]

U get what u give sir. Thats life.

[@roverandmorerestore7266]

You’ve always been alone sir

[@isixqueenxofxmadness]

I once ghosted a long-time friend because everytime we got together she spoke really bad about my life and partner, and every time I tried to confront her she blamed it on me for not being able to see how wrong all my life was. I ended up just cutting off all interaction, I couldn't handle the toxicity anymore. Ignored her and blocked her everywhere. I must say, I really live a happier life now that she is out of it =/

[@jilliansmith7123]

Isidora: good for you! It's not always a bad thing to ghost...and since she didn't like your life, probably better for her, too, in the long run. Wishing you well!

[@alexkolberg9589]

My ex ghosted me after a month long relationship. It was definitely the hardest thing I've dealt with in my personal romantic life, despite how short the relationship was.

[@jilliansmith7123]

Alex: in a way, one day you'll look back and be glad you're not still with someone who is willing to make you suffer like that. Imagine how much suffering might've been in store for you with someone like that...imagine if you had kids together and then they emptied your bank account and took the kids! It can get worse, you know! I KNOW it hurts. Been through it more than once. But save yourself and let it go. You dodged a huge bullet.

[@alexkolberg9589]

Thankfully, I'm at that point already!

[@jilliansmith7123]

Alex Kolberg: so glad to hear that! Good for you.

[@theguywhoasked6104]

I knew my friend since 3rd grade and he just disappeared. It was a 4 year long relationship like what the hell. It stings

[@bigghoss762]

When I ghost someone I literally ghost them by dying in their house and haunting them forever.

[@jilliansmith7123]

bigghoss: you LIE-- probably somewhere on their floor...8-)

[@bigghoss762]

Oh you are going to get so haunted! :D

[@jilliansmith7123]

bigghoss: *-) 8O :D

[@willjones28200079]

Lmao!!

[@rosa2098]

Lol!

[@novastar3990]

This has happened to me by several different people. They’re dead to me.

[@ChadMojito]

dead people... ghosts... there's a joke to be made here

[@novastar3990]

OOOOHHHHH

[@novastar3990]

Oh... wait, people thought this was a pun! Oh.... Yeah, it wasn’t a pun.

[@noneya9035]

It happens to me too. I don't get it.

[@ChrissyboyH44]

I'd just love to walk past the people who've ghosted me through text or online in real life (say in the street) and completely blank them, especially if they call out to me. I'd feel such a buzz.

[@falconfira]

I've done this when I've been really depressed.

[@Windradini]

Me too.. and i need help :(... i ghosted everyone around me

[@ResortDog]

Inability to handle conflict in a healthful way.....

[@pladimir_vutin]

*healthy

[@LIVdaBrand]

Idc that you ghosted me, just let me know that you ghosted me so that I can delete you from my life from coming back lol

[@noneya9035]

🤣

[@michelledonovan2268]

How does the ghosting appear on an iPhone?

[@farewelll18]

Facts

[@morbid1.]

if you don't have friends you won't get "ghosted"

[@dvklaveren]

The most painful experience that I've had in my life is being ghosted by someone who expressed her suicidal thoughts to me. She ghosted me for about a year or a year and a half and I left messages to make sure that she was alright. She came back to me in the end. I won't lie, before she ghosted me, I was an angsty autistic teenager in love with a girl on the other side of the world and I could actually understand that she had been convinced by someone to ghost me. It was still hard on me, though. I've had to be very up front with her and say that, even though I understood why she ghosted me, it's also a way that she hurt me that I may never be able to forget. And that if she ever did it again, that that would indicate to me that we're not good friends for each other. It's a hard thing to deal with. It's a weird, modern thing.

[@tj921able]

Someone who ghosts people doesn't deserve a relationship.

[@simplejoyyys]

If someone truly cares he wont ghost at all. IMO.being ghosted is an awful way of breaking up it hurts more,

[@thijsjong]

There is no conflict to avoid. The relationship Just slowly bleeds out and becomes meh. There is Just nothing to say. It Just peeters out.

[@Chinchilla_in_the_Villa]

Basically that person is extremely insecure, and has no respect for others because they don't respect themselves.

[@midnight_commander]

Man, relationships are spooky.

[@khire5433]

Indeed

[@Pizaerable]

I rarely use social media, and my friends thinks am ghosting them and am like wtf I aint lol

[@johnvonmartin7501]

Social media is full of delusions don't get too much attached to it.

[@mr.d.572]

Ghosting is cowardly behavior, no matter who does it. It's like the ultimate act of passive aggression.

[@ld3758]

Venom's Pain you’re 100% right a year later

[@snozzybosch7503]

No it’s not. That’s crap. Not everyone has to keep talking and interacting when it’s clearly not been worthwhile to date.

[@adrianh332]

@@snozzybosch7503 ghosting is one of the most cruel and heinous psychological mind fks one human being can inflict on another. The only time it's justifiable is in cases of abuse or violence. Otherwise man up and have the balls to be honest and say you don't want to date/be friends anymore. Remember the other person is a human being with feelings too.

[@HeartbeatCN]

@@adrianh332 Ghosting: One of the most cruel and heinous acts... Damn, the exaggeration is quite funny. You are overly sensitive. Also, a conversation isn't always the solution you think it is.

[@adrianh332]

@@HeartbeatCN I'd rather be over sensitive than under sensitive with little to no regard for others feelings.

[@jonasga]

i ghosted everyone i ever met in 2008 and couldn't be happier. solitude is bliss.

[@Nick30468]

you must've known some negative influences in 2008. good on you though, if it truly improved your life. You have to take care of yourself after all.

[@jilliansmith7123]

Jon Asgaeroth: Good for you. Hard on them, maybe, but I hope they're over it by now! Probably will all die wondering why...but you did what you had to do and I'm glad you're happier! Seriously.

[@hotsistersue]

I had a friend of 10 years suddenly ghost me. I still don't know why and probably never will. It's rather cruel, to be honest, because it does hinder the ability of the ghosted to move on. Even if you are afraid of conflict, send a message saying what you think and then if you want to cut off contact then, go ahead. At least you let the person know what the problem was.

[@BeeBN]

People who ghost most likely just can't handle conflict. A sign of immaturity imo

[@TheVopz]

Treat people well and it wont happen sometimes it hurts so much that the only option is ghosting to preserve your self respect

[@phxtonash]

I got ghosted in 1996. I never knew there was a name for it. She recently got back in touch with me. But I have a girlfriend I've been with for 19 years. Kind of felt nice telling her that.

[@sanderdejong66]

I am a bit confused. You say “Confront them”, but also “Don’t get in touch”. How do you confront someone without getting in touch?

[@mr.noprobz3412]

Getting in touch is referring to the denial that you'll reach out and all will be restored and what not. Confronting them is just leaving a message stating how immature, cowardice, and hurtful their ghosting was and letting that be the end of it (regardless if they reply or not).

[@9s346]

use your telepathy powers

[@LampShadeAffair]

I was ghosted earlier this year, and it was intensely traumatic. Ghosting is always awful, but for me especially it was even worse because it compounded all the fears of abandonment I already had. Do not ghost people. It’s absolutely shitty and traumatic for the victim. The pain you cause by ghosting people is never worth the momentary discomfort you will feel just talking to them (and if you would rather put someone through that trauma than feel a little uncomfortable for a short period of time, you are a truly awful human being). Show some empathy.

[@jilliansmith7123]

Bran Blackwood: while that is YOUR feeling, THEY have equally valid and strong feelings, too. If someone ghosts you, it's their choice. Unless you're married to them or involved in some kind of partnership, they owe you nothing. People will walk away, and you need to deal with it. Think how shitty and traumatic it might be for someone to try to explain to you what may well be inexplicable. They just can't do it any more, not one more second. Try to have a little compassion yourself, not just FOR yourself. They'd do better if they could. Remember that. Do you really want to remain with people who can't do better than that? Nah! You really don't.

[@LampShadeAffair]

Jillian Smith: Nobody “owes nothing” to the people around them. That’s anti-social, Randian nonsense. No one is an island; we are all interdependent; we all need other people, and there absolutely are things we all owe each other as individuals and as a society just as a baseline for basic human decency. I can have empathy and compassion for someone and understand the reasons they might feel the need to do something toxic like projecting, ghosting, or a myriad of other abusive or destructive acts without excusing the act itself. Empathy doesn’t mean excusing mistreatment. I can honor someone’s feelings while also recognizing and insisting that feeling a certain way is not an excuse to treat other people poorly. Yes, they are legally free to make whatever choice they want. That does not mean all choices are right and ethical, that they should do them, and it does not absolve them of responsibility for what they choose to do or say, especially when it harms the people around them. Whether we’re talking “free speech” or “free actions”, choice doesn’t excuse poor behavior. “Can” does not equal “ought”.

[@jilliansmith7123]

Bran, go ahead and live your life thinking other people owe you anything when you don't have a contract or agreement with them on the subject. One-sided, Implied or assumed contracts cannot be legally enforced, because the law recognizes they may not be valid in any particulars. As for owing others, it's not that I deny absolutely that things are owed, but we don't owe anyone a relationship that they alone assume we do. Obviously, someone who ghosts you doesn't consider you have the relationship YOU do. Do you owe a stalker anything? Should you send formal regrets that you will be unable to take the 20 phone calls a day they send you? If you have dated three times and they "ghost" you, you need to pull up your big kid panties and move on.

[@jilliansmith7123]

godhead: please hear me. Some people CANNOT hear you and DO NOT pick up on clues you give. If you are one of them, you CANNOT hear, so to you, no clues were given. I think this is one of those non-issues that are current memes but are not real problems. SURE, it'd be nice to have "closure," but if the other person never felt anything was "opened" in the first place but you assumed it without paying attention to the facts of the matter, then what on earth is someone to do? I've spent way too much time in my life trying to let people "down" easily when in fact they were oblivious to anything that had to do with ME because they lived in a country bordered on all four sides by themselves. So I dropped contact at long last and they were BAFFLED. I hadn't given them CLOSURE. I hadn't said a WORD. Yeah, there were hints and clues and they didn't listen, didn't hear, and those who fret endlessly about this kind of thing are probably the same kind of people. Why can't you just accept that someone didn't find you worth bothering with and get a life?

[@LampShadeAffair]

And you seem to be assuming my situation is like yours (it isn’t), that I am like the people who hurt you (I’m probably not). It isn’t fair for you to project that onto people. The instance I was talking about was when I was ghosted by someone with NPD, who put me through Narcissistic Abuse and gaslighting, which I still have CPTSD from, before discarding me. To cover their ass they went around our friend group spreading rumors to discredit me and paint me as a “Shylock” and other antisemitic slurs/rumors. It split our friend group into factions. It’s not as simple as “just move on”, both from the social angle of it and the flashbacks. (But, side note: even when I am able to be fully healed from this, I will still stand behind what I’m saying “hey, have some basically human decency; don’t just ghost people like a sociopath.”) And it doesn’t need to be that extreme of a case for this “don’t ghost people” thing to be important. You aren’t beholden to abusive people, but people shouldn’t have to “earn” basic human decency, “prove” they deserve it, or sign a legal contract not be discarded like a used toy. But I’m the asshole for saying “hey we really should default to respecting people and treating them well”?

[@ThePhoenixpaw]

If you're ostracised often or long enough, ghosting becomes the new norm. Unlearning that takes time.

[@SuperNerd707]

ghosted after 10 months, what a world we live in

[@darrylthompson7509]

I was ghosted after 4 months

[@KittySnicker]

Ghosters are cowards. I always tell people if I’m not interested.

[@Yes_this_is_my_cat]

I kind of ghost. They send me a message, I see the pop up, and forget about it. I'll think about it in places like the shower and my bed. I want to reply, but I can't. When I have the abilety to reply, I just forget. The cycle continues, and I'll get moments of shame, because I want to reply but I keep forgetting. And after I think I haven't replied for too long, I just give up. So I'm like: "Look at this fun tiktok!", and we start texting again.

[@TheMrGamp]

Wow, thanks for bringing light into this!! I got dumped about 7 months ago by a girl I really liked and she just disappeared after an argument we had. I still feel sick from it from time to time. Thanks a lot for explaining this bad behavior.

[@TheLonelyAssassin98]

I have avoidant personality disorder. This is just further proof that everyone hates me and that relationships aren't worth the effort

[@veo_]

Ghosting isn't always about rejection. I ghost people frequently, both in friendships and romantic relationships, mostly due to social anxiety. Sometimes I simply get overloaded emotionally and if I don't feel that I can *completely* respond and commit to someone's line of query, I don't respond to it at all. I know it's a maladaptive habit, but when any input or request for correspondence is stress-inducing, there's not much I can do about it. Luckily my friends know this about me, and when I'm able I try to pick up the pieces, apologize, and continue where we left off.

[@isixqueenxofxmadness]

Totally get you and my true friends know about this too. I have ghosted many times, even people that I really didn't want to actually reject, and because of the anxiety there's really nothing to do about it except to let your friends know that this happens to you, and try to improve (psicotherapy helped me). I have many times cried by the phone seeing the notifs coming up and the calls coming in and not picking up or responding in any way. Doing it seemed like the most impossible thing ever, even more painful than ignoring people I actually loved.

[@Dylan-go5iv]

I know what anxiety feels like very well, and I understand what both of you mean, but the right thing to do here is to respond and let your friends know that you need some time.. or that you can’t talk yet.. or whatever it is that clearly defines that you’re acknowledging the message and lets them know that you’re okay and everything. You’d be surprised how much it can mean to someone if you show that kind of effort and care for their end of the situation. Heck, you could even have a safe word for your closest friends to let them know that you’re all good and just need space.

[@fathybalamita1537]

Same problem here. I know how it feels.

[@rtausx]

Same here...

[@brixomatic]

Then why don't you drop a short message saying that you can't cope at the moment and you need some solitude or sort your life, so you're gone. At least let these people know it's not their fault.

[@IceMetalPunk]

My ex used to "submarine" her "friends". She'd disappear from their lives completely, ghosting them whenever she felt like it, and then months later contact them again expecting them to act like nothing had happened. To her, this was how friendships worked, and if you expected your friends to keep in touch, you were "too clingy". For this, among many other reasons, she was a terrible person.

[@eclipse5393]

IceMetalPunk Sounds like BPD

[@adri7869]

do you mean she would do it on purpose? or just bad at consistently staying in touch?

[@spacealienjesus709]

IceMetalPunk I dated a girl who done the exact same thing. Then she would cry about how she needed to see her family Like I kept her from them and it was my fault. It wasn't she was just crazy.

[@cypheir]

You described me... most people don't understand why I am this way... so I just keep a very small group of friends... because all the other idiots think I'm just a terrible person.

[@henrietta9206]

Agree...horrible person 😔

[@gitsum141]

Everytime a girl uses me and ghost me it hurts worse. I just wouldnt wish this pain on anyone I feel so unwanted I feel like I'm trash. Even my most closest friends have started ghosting me and changing. I'm 25 now and my life I dont enjoy. I'm so depressed I wanna scream n cry but I dont even have the animosity or liveliness inside of me. Dont even have anyone to talk to. Look at me. On KZbin spilling my sorrows out. Bc I'm just so lost. Pathetic

[@AnthonyJones-pc4dd]

awwwww...i hope you're doing much better now

[@FoXsvk]

What about when a depression goes into relapse and a person cuts off all social contact? Now it feels even harder to get back together with friends as they probably hate me for ghosting them :( I'm sorry I haven't replied for months. I've been putting it off for so long now I get anxiety just thinking about it :( And sorry for not picking the phone. It's just too terrifying :(

[@ryanliberty]

I'm glad some research was done on this! The fixed mindset and leaning toward avoidant attachment make sense. That also gives us some clues on how we can help people with the behavior. 🙂

[@Joey-kv6qr]

I'm sure everyone has been ghosted once in their life time. If you are experiencing this strange but common event I say do yourself a favor and move on to the next page to avoid problems < this would mean blocking all contact information from social websites, etc. Time shouldn't be wasted with people who don't even want to communicate.

[@Robstar0]

Before watching this video I thought the topic was about online people, sometimes friends, who you met online at least once a week for months or years, and then vanish for good. It's so sad when a whole group of people is left guessing what happened. But this is slightly different.

[@hhmmhmhm5743]

The only time I ghosted was when the dude didn't respond to direct confrontation... twice! He didn't get it. No one should have to put up with that.

[@eclipse5393]

Madam Cloudy It's not ghosting if you already told him.

[@Rationalist101]

Lmao you didn't technically ghost him

[@borisbarrientos9382]

This is great!!! I feel the more people know about Ghosting the more people will begin to try and confront the person in a much healthier way.

[@briankraemer8139]

They are cowards. When I was a child, the absolute worse abuse my siblings and I could do to each other was to pretend the other person didn't exist. No matter what my sibling said, no matter how much she tried to get my attention, I would act as if I couldn't see or hear her. It's cruel. I don't like being treated this way. I make a point of explaining why I'm ending a friendship/relationship. I don't feel responsible to give detailed explanations. I simply say, "It isn't a good match." I enjoyed this woman's insights. Great suggestions. :)

[@eliparker3136]

In this case, I was the ghost and the explanation in this video just shattered any hope I had to try and amend for what I've done. I don't disagree or hate the video, but as painful as it is to admit, it was just something I didn't want to hear.

[@shikerriafoster2250]

I never been so hurt in my life 💔

[@ravenpiece]

I’ve had friends do this. Before I cut them off I asked if it was something I did and they acted like oh no we’re fine dude let’s hang out soon. Well I later texted and called but got nothing back. So I blocked them in every way and moved on. I’m so sick of this ghosting selfish behavior. But I’m glad I didn’t waste any more time on the “friend” than I did.

[@anonanon7278]

The person doing the ghosting probably doesn't want to deal with the emotional difficulty and drama associated with tell the other party that they've moved on. I have a 'friend' who's ghosted me many times and then comes back into my life like nothing has happened. I've had enough, so I'm going to apply the principle of treating them how they've treated me, and ghost them when/if they try to rekindle our friendship at some point in the future. Many would cite this as passive-aggressive behaviour, but what's the point confronting the person on their behaviour, especially when they're not likely to change. It's better/easier just to reciprocate their ghosting and move on, IMHO.

[@Mykasan]

I have been ostracised by all my friends in high school and it was hell. I hate ghosting, people easily could do anything better.

[@lilyanezlibenmeradi7291]

OMG a new series by Vanessa *-* What a better way to celebrate my holidays?! As an introvert, ghosting is a technique which I use more often than I would like to admit. I often feel like ppl around me take all my energy away, or just.. complain a lot instead of just trying to improve themselves and the things around them or .. just ask for too much of my time (like at least 3-4hours of social media a day) so... I just disappear sometimes because it's just overwhelming and I can't handle that in a healthy way. But through this video, I've realised that may be.. I should do things differently.. Thank's a lot!

[@Netherwolf6100]

Cowards are typically the types to do this. Either that or those with incredibly shallow and short-sighted mindsets. Honestly if someone ghosts you, I'd say its ok to get a little spiteful and just do the same. Hit them up once or twice but if a month goes by and you hear nothing, just assume that either something terrible happened and you won't see them for a while or, if you know they're fine, block 'em

[@bettabgood]

Yeah it's always the other person's fault. You're perfect.

[@kevinthao2590]

Lol right after I got ghosted by my crush this video comes out and helps with the pain! Thanks

[@spirit1944]

Honestly I have ghosted a person before and yes I’m not proud of it, but this person had been manipulating me for 8 years. My friends were trying to help me, but I never listened. Every time I tried to express how I felt to this person, they acted like they cared for 2 seconds and then just began talking about something else. Whenever they asked for help I would help, but when I needed help they would turn their back. This is basically all the signs of a toxic relationship and I just couldn’t see them. One day though, I was done. I was done tearing myself down over something I had nothing to do with, I was tired of being blamed for everything and I was just tired of their behaviour. Since I knew they would try to talk me out of cutting contact, I just... ghosted them... and I’m so sorry to this person. I want this person to know that I don’t hate them (I’m a very forgiving person) but I wouldn’t want contact again, every time I was in contact with this person i was sad and sometimes it felt like I couldn’t even feel anything at all. So I resorted to... a coping mechanism. I want them to know that neither of us did the right thing, and I’m sorry.

[@FlipGz]

Ghosting is your payback from a broken hearted 💔

[@chtps3]

Years ago a girlfriend ghosted and try to find her with no luck. Years later reappeared and then I ghosted her. Not for a particular reason but because I knew she would do the same haha! People, they are so complicated ... :P

[@nadiesoynadiesere9344]

To be honest, I gosthed several people when I couldn’t handle anymore what I was feeling, they hurt me really bad, a bunch of them even keep tracking me for years, even when I refused to talk with them, they insisted in keeping in touch. Now I’m trying to improve my behavior but to choose better relationships too.

[@mstery8308]

I ghosted my friends. I needed to stay away from people like them and I ain't regretting that.

[@The1zo]

I agree

[@Davesothoth]

Ghosting sucks, but it's a sign that the other person wasn't worthy of your time.

[@MogoFromHell]

The thing is online you can be hurtful or honest without much consequence, like seeing the person lose it in front of you. Now lots don't even have the decency of doing that EVEN HIDDEN behind the screen. Sad we can't even be honorable online.

[@jnzkngs]

I've done this to people when I've figured out that I've endured enough of their idiocy and that any further interaction will only have negative effects for me. Too many people are soul sucking wastes of humanity because people willing to take advantage of them tell them that they are good people who deserve everything they are told they want. You don't have to be a "bad" person to be worthless, you just have to be supposedly able minded and choose to be contribute less than you consume.

[@northsouth8884]

jnzkngs in other words you actually have never loved anyone (even though you say it) because in your mind you are the greatest thing ever and can only love yourself. You’re a Narcissist. And a clown

[@deltondias5046]

sometimes direct confrontation leads to more and an endless confrontation. No time to waist, better ghost sometimes

[@RadicalDreamerzs]

I remember being in love with a girl that was in a bad relationship with her boyfriend... and I mean... really bad situation. She suffered alot from it, and I was trying to give her some help and tell her I was there if she needed it. I eventually went on telling her I loved her... I even wrote her a letter to better explain the feelings I had for her. But when the christmas vacation arrived, and we had a week off of school, I guess she just used this time to vanish... I never got to find out what really happened. I got sick of being worried. She was in an abusive relationship, and all I knew was that she changed her phone number, didn't come to school anymore, cancelled her FB and Twitter accounts... and I never got to see her ever again. All I hope for her is that she's well, happy and safe... I kinda knew we we're not going to be together, but it still broke my heart that she went away without letting me know of her intentions.

[@victoralcantar960]

Oh, boy, this is almost exactly my situation.

[@Pippinn13]

I vaguely recall that some cultures used ostracism as an ultimate punishment for the worst crimes. Why execute someone when you can deprive them of social interaction.

[@jilliansmith7123]

Pippinn: yeah, but it wasn't just one person shunning the shunnee...it was the whole tribe or village. Quite a different thing...and they shunnee was pretty aware of WHY they were getting that treatment. So there was more of an explanation there.

[@lovedog49507]

White people are known for that.

[@alanvazquez8392]

Awesome video, always learn something new! Can you make a video about why some people have have so much trouble letting go and moving on?

[@braincraft]

Oh great suggestion! I'll add it to my list.

[@mist__4974]

Alan Vazquez because they attached to the person that hosted them because they thought it was safe to. They trusted the other person

[@jilliansmith7123]

the mist: maybe they shouldn't trust so easily. Good life lesson for them--and like most lessons, painful.

[@Jolgarz]

But what if I don’t like to talk a lot? I was really used to plan stuff in person, but with cellphones it’s just too stressful, I don’t even hace money to spend going out, I haven’t held too much conversations in my life and get really annoyed when i have to keep showing up consistently enough, feels like a chore!

[@epicurusone6897]

There’d be no need to ghost people if they took the hint. I’ve only done it when people don’t get you want to meet them again.

[@sansadrake4133]

A hole

[@SummeRain783]

That’s different

[@adrianh332]

Ghosting is one of the most cruel and heinous psychological mind fks one human being can inflict on another and should only ever be used against someone who is abusive or violent. I was ghosted by a former best friend of 39 years and it hurt so much, I was lucky in that I did eventually get an explanation which while not convincing in of itself I was able to read inbetween the lines and realise this was not my fault and that my former friend has some serious issues.

[@awesomenitin]

I didn't sleep for six days straight, after my ex suddenly dumped me and ghosted me. It took over an year to completely get over her, she lived a few kms away, but i never tried to reach her after all this. My current gf is far better of a human, so, It is all for better. We still wish each others on birthdays (she finally reached out after an year or so)

[@margaritam.9118]

Nitin Ahuja I am glad that you found a decent person to date, man. I honestly think people who ghost out of the blue (let’s not take distinctional relationship a person doesn’t know how to leave properly in the account) are secretly cheating with someone else. There is no other reason.

[@koohoo4500]

What a load of... Gaslighting is way more common than ghosting and probably most common reason for it. And it should hurt.

[@koohoo4500]

journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0956797613510184

[@DarkModulator]

Ghosting is a way to breakup when the other one does not want to. Its not always immature but for not strong willed people or the other part is very strong willed and persuasive, its you only way. Sometimes you have taken the right choice and you don't want to go back, some people don't get no as an answer. In my life I have been ghosted and ghost people, other times it's just time and taking other parts in live, you can't keep your friends forever or everyone. But when you feel good about yourself and treat people with respect, you did the right thing

[@LampShadeAffair]

Going No Contact from an abusive person and two people drifting apart are both very different than ghosting. If you feel like you need to move on from a friendship, that’s normal, but if you valued them at all at least show them the respect to tell them straight rather than just ignoring them when they reach out. They may not be as unaffected by being given the silent treatment as you

[@jilliansmith7123]

Bran: do you really feel someone who values you will ghost you? I think ghosting is a very clear message that those of us who get ghosted don't want to hear. I also think it likely comes after a number of attempts that we refused to hear. Ghostees all sound like they want to blame the ghoster, and the ghoster probably knew that all along, as that is likely the normal style for those who get ghosted. If someone can't stand to speak one more word to you, it is genuine for them to NOT speak that word. Suffer all you need to, and then move on. It happens. It doesn't make either of you evil or horrible. It's human.

[@MsStaceysclass]

What's it called when people won't leave you alone, don't know/care that socializing exhausts you, presume friendship intimacy when you've been trying to keep it professional/light? My tank is empty, ok?

[@jilliansmith7123]

Stacey hart: no kidding! Sounds like you are a true introvert, socialization wears you out. You may even love it, but your energy fails you after a while. I hear you! I think there ought to be a name for that, too, and they come at you without explaining to you that they're gong to be overwhelming, don't they! Do they owe you an explanation first? You'll never get one! Opposite of ghosting: hmmm.

[@KevAlberta]

Love your outfit it’s really cute. I have a friend who ghosts or tells half truths to avoid letting the other person down. But in reality it makes the situation harder and worse than if they were to be honest right away. One of my biggest pet peeves !

[@fastestabdullahxxx]

I was almost ghosted by someone. This video was perfectly timed for me. Thanks!

[@athespartanfan2744]

Ghosting just shows you who they really were , they weren’t the person you thought they were

[@jaybea365]

I sometimes wonder if the modern ability to super saturate with communication has increased 'ghosting'? I mean 200 years ago, If you had a friend 2 towns over, and you wanted to talk, you either had to write a letter(assuming there even was some form of postal service in your region, and wait serious time for a response) or expend actually time/effort/and expense to visit them. No we live in a digital era where we demand instant gratification, I've had friends, livid, bc someone didn't return a text within 15 minutes. It isn't nice, it isn't polite, but I can understand why someone might just want to disappear rather then deal, sometimes there is a reason you get ghosted, and sometimes(please for the love of God, before you all start screaming, I said *sometimes*) that reason is you.

[@d3m3nt3dmous3]

As a "coping mechanism," I've found that if you think you're being ghosted, just telling the person that you would prefer a more open, honest, and most importantly conclusive statement that they're no longer interested will generally lead to just that. I've also had times where doing that would clarify that the other person wasn't trying to ghost me, they were just busy at the time and forgot to respond or some such, and saved quite a few relationships that way. It also makes it more conclusive if you ask for clarification and they continue to ghost you, because it's much more unlikely that the person would willfully ignore you twice in a row. And that way you can move on and stop wasting your time with that terrible person.

[@Mallory-Malkovich]

Calling it "ghosting" makes it sound cool. We should call it "being a shitty coward" instead. It's more accurate and might discourage the practice.

[@YeshuaReal]

Osiris Malkovich facts

[@Nick30468]

I could see why someone would feel the need to do it. One has to protect themselves after all, and there are plenty of others who would use "shitty coward"ly tactics to get the person who wanted to leave to stay. Personally, I would rather be told flat out rather than be ghosted on, but at the same time I've had friends who've been emotionally guilted or abused into sticking around when ghosting would've worked for them. I suppose my stance would be that I'm not against the act so much as how and when it really should be used. Some people, like you said, just use it to avoid a confrontation. But in other's case, it really is the best option for them.

[@jilliansmith7123]

Osiris: or how about calling it, "They cannot think of a single thing to say to you any more that has more value than just removing themselves from contact with you." what I hate the most? "It's not you, it's me." The hell it's not me, of course it's me, you're the one leaving, I must be the problem. What is it? I can fix it! I WILL fix it! I still love you! Wait! Yeah, just use the "Kafka Romance Dissolver" and go. Quietly into that good night. Better than many other possibilities, though it is puzzling until they "get it." But get it they will. Also, very often, there have been plenty of clues beforehand but the ghosted one simply isn't picking up on any of them, or is picking them up and smashing them. "You don't mean that!" Yeah, they mean it.

[@therealblackcarriebradshaw1837]

Osiris Malkovich 💯agreed

[@RiruKrypto_]

Also someone who lacks the communication skills to address the situation.

[@saito1504]

I've been ghosted a few times these last 3 months. So many people won't give you a chance after going out one or 2 times. If there is no instant chemistry you are dead to them. I needed this :D

[@AA4PJM]

I ghosted someone recently because I felt he was pushy and manipulative. I did try to tell him I wasn't ready for a relationship but he kept pushing, so I cut all contact and vanished. It was just easier than fighting him off or repeating myself a million times.

[@AmaLoveGoddessTV]

that's called smart...not ghosting

[@ephy9590]

Thank you so much for this... People are way too blase about ghosting.

[@Andreahp1984]

What about when the person you ghost is psychologically abusive and manipulative? What if you have tried to speak with them and in return they make you feel bad about yourself? Also, confrontation for some people sparks anxiety and constant stress? What about that?

[@Οδοιπόρος]

Andrea Huls, there's a difference between ghosting and enforcing boundaries. Ghosting is when you cut off communication but don't bother to explain why. If you have tried to set boundaries which keep getting ignored then cutting communication is only a reasonable way to protect yourself from abuse.

[@Zahri8Alang]

Geez, I should be DMing my friends and even cousins more often. Sure it'll bug them, but to I like being surprised with a text , I'm sure other people are too as well.

[@jilliansmith7123]

DZ@J: was that sarcasm? Because you know, not everyone is glad to hear from everyone all the time. Sometimes people need silence and distance.

[@Zahri8Alang]

Jillian Smith Yeah, I guess for most people, that is the case. But in my whole life, every year, I only got like 2 to 4 PMs(casual and/or delightfully unexpected) and that includes WhatsApp. Even most of the delightfully unexpected PMs are mostly people asking for favors or info, and that's no good. I guess I am not like most people- I'm not that introverted though.

[@NortexG]

I’ve ghosted someone because the conversation fizzled out and I wanted to see if they would chat to me a week later because they like me and not because they’re lonely on the day. Basically whether they’d replace me with someone else.They said I’m the nicest person ever and yet when they post online saying they’re sad they don’t text me? Plus they ghosted me twice before. No longer worth my time.

[@coolGhostVIRUS]

Should I ignore this video?

[@rjesterie]

strongly disagree with confronting a ghost. the situation may be a variety of complex variables the ghost is deliberately removing you from - the ghosting might even be temporary if done by an introvert needing removal from uncomfortable environments you might be connected to - sometimes we need to breath between interactions. the real question to ask if you are ghosted is when this person meets up with you again, will you continue or walk away.

[@emirlsanchos6302]

Well then the introvert should inform the third party. It doesn't take even a microsecond to send them a simple "I need space." message. Stop using their introversion as an excuse. Unless the ghoster is in terrible danger, they're avoiding responsbility.

[@DharmaDerelict]

As someone who has been ghosted several times (and has ghosted others several times) I have questions. First off it might be relevant to mention I’m gay, since as a gay person we tend to use social media more for dating. Which causes a lot of ghosting opportunities. Ok so my main question has to do with HOW best to let someone know you’re not interested anymore... I’ve had several instances where someone will send me pictures of them but when we go on a date they look different. So then how do you tell someone that it’s because they were more attractive in the picture? Literally everyone gets offended by that, and I can’t exactly blame them for getting offended (unless they obviously used old photos or something). But even in an instance where someone obviously used flattering pictures, I don’t want to be a dick!!! What do???

[@mohandasjung]

What do you do when the burger isn't like in the propaganda photos?

[@DharmaDerelict]

Burgers don’t get an attitude and talk back when you want to end your relationship with its meaty goodness. Usually I just eat it anyway cause chaos reigns, God’s not real, nothing matters, to the oblivion we go. lol

[@mohandasjung]

Chill out, man, life is a weird equilibrium of good and bad things, noone can force you to do anything. And now I want to eat a burger, god dammit.

[@jilliansmith7123]

Mohandas Jung: I simply never go back to that burger place! So I guess I ghost them!

[@jillsafran2713]

Tell them that you initially thought there was a connection but that you didn't feel any chemistry when you finally met. No need to bring the picture into it.

[@GhorigOfTheHranFel]

Mitigation: 1. Don't contact them. 2.... 3. Get in contact. Hm. Umm, can I help? How about just let it go. Of course there are questions about why, you'll never know the answer and that's okay. Let them go. Understand that you don't get the closure so get the closure yourself. The ghost doesn't want you in their life for whatever reason. Learn to be okay with that. Get rid of the reminders and move on to someone better. You are in control of your emotions. No one can MAKE YOU feel anything. You give permission to let others dictate how you feel. It's a discipline and may require practice, but it's worth it.

[@SnowmansApartment]

i have no idea if i ghosted anyone, but i definitely was ghosted a few times. I definitely cared too much, but for a few years now, i don‘t care at all.. But to be fair, i don‘t really chat or meet new people either.

[@mist__4974]

SnowmansApartment my problem is caring. Ive been reclusive because i don't trust people.

[@NortexG]

the mist That’s my experience too, I cared so much about them and wanted to be so nice to them and they never reciprocated apart from talking about common interests. So you leave when you realise whats going on

[@DavidMonforteCoronas]

I just wrote a friend who I haven't answered any of his emails lately (6 months) because I was "too busy". I was ghosting someone that I like and I have no problems with him... shame on me! Thanks BrainCraft!

[@Glockenspheal]

One of my best friends decided to cut our relationship a few months back, she did not ghost as in completely ignoring me but was really cut and dry on her, something she ever rarely did, we've fallen in and out before and she had always been supportive and always willing to at least give an explanation or trying to make things better, even in worse situations. Now, of course it's a tad bit more complicated, but still, her behavior seemed really out of character and sudden, it really affected me. Can this be considered ghosting? I've tried to talk to her twice with some time in-between, but cuts me before I can get anything out from her. It has been really hard for me as I've always seen her as a great person and the best of friends, it's super hard for me to move on or move back, I feel like I'm trapped, any advice?

[@jilliansmith7123]

Bluespheal: yes, I do have advice. Been there, I so have. Assume she did the best she could and that's all she could do. You cannot truly understand what drives her even if she tries to explain it so you should back off from all the fretting and let yourself heal with time. It will take some time, but one day it'll be okay again. It truly will. Don't blame either of you, it's "one of those things." My best wishes for your happiness.

[@jjc5475]

ghosting feels more understandable if you know that the one getting ghosted doesn't have the ability to show understanding for the ending of the relationship.

[@eclipse5393]

john pardon That's not ghosting. If you were up front to begin with, you didn’t ghost.

[@jilliansmith7123]

godhead: but being upfront with some people does NOT mean they got it! They can hear "I don't want to see you any more" and say, "Oh, you don't mean that. You're just having an issue because you're jealous of..." and think all is now fine, since they want it to be. Then when you disappear, they are all, "What happened? Why...?" but you told them and they could NOT hear you. Too many ghostees think the other person didn't give clues or even direct statements, but they likely just didn't notice them.

[@eclipse5393]

Jillian Smith at that point, it becomes a different situation. they have to accept to move on. that isn't ghosting anymore. ghosting is only when you never said anything and left them completely in the dark.

[@jjc5475]

yeah but you can preventatively leave someone too because you know they will not show understanding.

[@isixqueenxofxmadness]

Commenting again because it seems to be a difficult matter, and I want to give my view as a person with mental health issues. For someone like me, with tremendous amounts of anxiety, ghosting is more about shame that anything else. I have ghosted people because I got late on a date and was too ashamed to show up half an hour later. I once lost a job because after realizing I couldn't meet a deadline I shut off all contact with my boss, because I was too ashamed to confront her with less than I promised initially. I have lost friends because I forgot to answer a WhatsApp message and after that they started asking why I didn't respond and I was too ashamed of letting them know I forgot about it. It's all about shame and guilt. I once even shut off all contact with my boyfriend of 5 years because he asked me to make a poster for his band and I felt it was so terrible that I couldn't confront him ever again (luckily he knew me well enough to realize what it was all about, we're still together). Thanks to therapy and diligence, and realizing how out of proportion I blew everything, I do this less often but it's still a great source of anxiety for me. So please know, we people who do this kind of stuff are not all jerks =( some of us are just too ill.

[@jilliansmith7123]

Isidora Flores: I so hear you! Been there myself, on both ends of the situation. Best luck to you! And kudos to your boyfriend, he sounds really great!

[@andreimax21]

I did that once in my lifetime and it wasn't plesent when the ghosted person got in touch with me and asked me directly what was going on, i had no answer... but now as the years went by i realised that this is the healty way to treat somebody on both sides. As hard as it might be. Thank you for opening another door of my locked soul. 🙂

[@TheCuriousPsych]

I once ghosted out of one of my retail jobs. I simply didn't show up, didn't answer calls, and ghosted myself out of the miserable place. I have no regrets.

[@luisfreire8224]

Hey, I saw you on the Last Week Tonight Show with John Oliver last week lol

[@luisfreire8224]

IamMe It is, here's the link: m.kzbin.info/www/bejne/d3vQaYObjNCce7c

[@ShirinRose]

It's not available outside of the US 😭

[@stewartbladensb]

This is why social media is both the best and worst invention of our time. This "problem" didn't exist 15 years ago.

[@evilotto9200]

Actively avoiding someone. These crazy millennials, what will they think up next?

[@CasualHerb]

Actually, the problem existed forever. People used to leave towns to avoid people they were trying to romance before.

[@JoshuaHillerup]

Sure it did. No Doubt did a song about ghosting someone, called "Spiderwebs", and the phenomenon is much much older than that.

[@Ikiratuki]

They always have. Outcasts always roam the Earth.

[@stewartbladensb]

Yes but all that is just someone leaving. It's the term "ghosting" that is a millennial problem. There was never so many ways to ignore someone. People's personal lives were a lot more personal.

[@bobmc4687]

Silence speaks a million words.... By the way, love your penmanship and animations Vanessa. :)

[@quentindiaz3921]

Too bad all of them are "f**k you" with no elaboration :|

[@TheChamp1971]

Justin Trudeau would say, "penpeopleship".

[@movement2contact]

Vance JQ thanks for the explanation, Narcissus...

[@jilliansmith7123]

Handwriting. There's a gender-neutral word for it.

[@khire5433]

Imma people's person , due to the transfers of my dad's occupation we used to shift towns every year . And then after some years I've realised that all my friends thought that I've ghosted them

[@yirtiik3300]

I’ve only ever ghosted one person before. A friend who constantly crossed the boundaries of both me and all my other friends. This person genuinely frightened me, and I felt like it was unsafe for me to express the fact i was uncomfortable (I had tried expressing this once and had over 40 insta dms from them within 15 mins, from said friend and a few of their friends who I had never even spoken to before ) the other day I restricted them on insta and I woke up this morning to them spamming me once again, calling me selfish and cruel for ghosting them. I have no clue what to do, but I’m terrified.

[@HoneyBoom]

not one but TWO of my exes have ghosted me for weeks and dumped me via social media status. people are pathetic.

[@elainemackay6474]

Can ghosting be when someone creates an online conversation with another by messaging and then texting as a way to get to know that person before meeting?

[@marlowmorbid8531]

you forget to mention that it's a *survival* mechanism. people are afraid of confrontation because they don't want to be hurt by others. ghosts are likely to be victims of abuse, and find ghosting to be the safest way to cut a person out of their life when sensing danger. don't invalidate these feelings for people who honestly can't see any other choice, jeeze.

[@ArtFreak17]

PDs like DPD or AvPD (or one with traits of the other) makes it really difficult to find appropriate boundaries. Where there's a sense of uneven enmeshment and the relationship grows too rapidly, unevenly, and unhealthily... you lose track of the line. And when that happens, in the moment, it's hard to even think of negotiating points on it, let alone trying to communicate them. So it creates a desire for distance to think more clearly. At some point the distancing has happened for so long that it would cause unnecessary amounts of pain to reconcile. (Thanks for this comment. Because this situation was personally... relevant.)

[@therealblackcarriebradshaw1837]

Well said but what are PDs that I mentioned? Not familiar with the acronyms

[@therealblackcarriebradshaw1837]

Marlow Morbid it's crazy bc my bf recently ghosted me & in trying to find an answer for why, I discovered exactly what i said & I'm exploring this more as part of my master thesis. Very valid point.

[@lostway9177]

Clearly you've never been on the receiving end.

[@LampShadeAffair]

Most forms of mistreatment and abuse are coping mechanisms that people turn to in order to reassert a lost feeling of power and control over their life, often because they were abused by someone else first. But it’s still abuse, or at the very least, toxic behavior-these are /maladaptive/ coping mechanisms, and the point of recognizing that is to seek help and escape the cycle of abuse and self-destruction. Being mistreated isn’t a choice, and neither is the pain that it causes, but how you react to it absolutely is. Yes, people often hurt people because they’re hurting. This may explain why they do what they do, but it doesn’t excuse it. Your actions are still your own; they are your choice. Being hurt is *not* a free pass to inflict harm on other people, whether it’s mere insults, ghosting, or something as drastic as rape or battery. Saying that does not invalidate the pain that anyone may feel.