Gift giving & receiving (what it says about your relationship)

[@brollicon]

I had to learn You give to give. Don't put your emotions in it. Giving a gift is not something for something. It is just giving from the heart.

[@SusanWinter]

Very nice. Thanks

[@DiamondsRexpensive]

How is it giving from the heart if there are no emotions attached to it? I don't quite get your philosophy.

[@SouthmeriKan]

Diamind There are emotions but it’s like a release and it just naturally makes you happy you’re not expecting anything you just want that person to feel loved. So tons of emotions but it doesn’t require anything from the other person

[@Raventhesim]

I love giving gifts! it's my love language. Baking my boyfriend a cake for his Birthday. Also giving him something he's wanted for a while and a letter from me. My problem with gifts is that I don't know where to stop, I just want to give him everthing hahaha Thanks for the video Susan, always so helpful ♥️

[@SusanWinter]

Hi Raven. Thanks for the commentary

[@mzlynzy]

@ Raven Project What’s your and your bfs zodiac sign?

[@chrisakane9840]

@@SusanWinter Well hopefully everyone gets what they want on thier bday. Today i def got a surprise. I'm NOT trying to be ungrateful or like greedy or selfish. But today for my Bday I literally got the declaration of independence and a Marvel picture frame which i already have and i could print out a copy of the DOI if i wanted to so yeah they wasted thier money so whatever. 😐 but NOT the worst bday as that was my 21 bday when ever i was at the DPS all day.

[@alannajm]

@@chrisakane9840 man that’s so disappointing. what did you want for your birthday?

[@artsylady3187]

@@chrisakane9840 i never get ANYTHING so I would be jumping for joy if someone got me anything.....you do sound a bit ungrateful

[@kristicurtis3180]

I am grateful for this video. I was so disappointed and heartbroken today. I actually fell asleep and when I woke up thought the thoughtless gifts were a bad dream. It's not about the item, but I feel 100% unappreciated and like I have no value. I can't go through another holiday dreading this feeling.

[@antipodeanvagabond]

I know exactly how you feel x

[@Bubs-o1y]

I feel you. My partner of 6 years has given me two Xmas gifts. That's it. Forgot my birthday last year. It's 100% the thought that counts.

[@LucySoo1]

My bf didn’t give me anything for Christmas, and this was just the icing on the cake for what has turned out to be an emotionally abusive relationship. All the classic red flags my friends noticed and I ignored - love bombing at first, future planning, then slowly it started. Broke up with him yesterday via text because he was doing his silent treatment victim act. No response.

[@DR---]

I noticed what was absent from your message is you didn't mention what he did wrong. All you told us is he didn't give you a gift (maybe you don't deserve a gift) and he started giving you the silent treatment (I'm assuming it's because YOU did something wrong, people don't give the silent treatment for no reason). Also if a man is planning a future with you that's a positive sign. It sounds like you are the abuser.

[@LucySoo1]

@@DR--- You need to be very careful what you say to people who have been in abusive relationships here you little troll. You sound like an incel with no experience of relationships

[@sonyablaze9668]

@@DR--- A gift is not earned, Xmas and Bday are two days out the year to show love ones you care and appreciate them. She did the right thing who wants to be in a loveless relationship. A man giving the silent treatment shows his emotional ignorance, she dodged a bullet

[@DR---]

@@sonyablaze9668 yes because women can never be at fault. You are not entitled to gifts no matter the time of year. And you don't deserve respect from others if you don't give respect to others. I can tell you are the abusive type that constantly plays the victim.

[@Bubs-o1y]

Stonewalling! Ick

[@johngallagher72]

Isn't the best gift the chance to spend time together. I asked a lady that I was seeing if I could take her to a play for her birthday. We were kind of seeing each other on and off for a few months prior and while we were keeping it casual you could tell we really enjoyed each others company. Her eyes lit up when I asked her about the theater and she had said she had never been to the ballet. Gotta be honest the show (snuggling in our box seats and snuggling in Uber on the way home) will probably go down as one of the greatest nights of my life. All you really have to do is ask and be semi attentive to your partners needs and wants and remember to outline your own needs and wants as well. ❤

[@SusanWinter]

John, there was another earlier comment about the same topic. Yes, quality time (especially nowadays) is rare and extremely valuable

[@jenniferr8394]

Love this, as long as you can work out that the person is free on the day you get tickets. (Would love to go with mine to Hamilton someday....)

[@wifelife2023]

That’s my second love language quality time but my first is giving gifts I love giving gifts and receiving and love spending time with the ones I love. When it comes to relationships I love giving also physical touch is big for me

[@irenemorley75]

I guess YOU wanted to go to the theater ?, did you also buy her a gift for HER Birthday ?

[@arijeetbanerjee8063]

i was thinking about the woman psychology about what they feel and how they can persue the gifts , this video clears in aspects of what is in bonding and understanding is like , how we can see a gift , expectations , and all thank you you are a big help to date for this video im very thank full .🥰

[@johannawist7614]

My boyfriend just gave me boots and I love them, I didnt know what to say so i just cried and got so happy. This really helped me, he is the best boyfriend ever

[@RiaKnight]

SUSAN WINTER, "They are in touch with your heartbeat." A relationship expert AND a poet? WOW. :)

[@venusrivera9739]

My significant other does not gift at all, it hurts because I give a lot... I don't understand why he treats me like that... I am vocal about it so he knows it hurts me...

[@bbnashae3639]

Current situation

[@artsylady3187]

@@bbnashae3639 me too same...it really does hurt

[@jenreu]

I often give too many n sometimes expensive gifts.. n get nothing back. 😑😑😑 next time I'm not giving anything. 😆😂😂

[@pretty1600]

Same with me

[@irenemorley75]

First, you don't give to receive , second, it's you're own fault if you buy expensive but that is what you are expecting back.🙄

[@jenreu]

@@irenemorley75 🤣🤣🤣! And who are you to judge me???

[@seeya7610]

Thanks Susan ! Great video . I feel relationships should be a balance of emotions and gestures. If materialistic stuff is the only thing to represent him and offer to a partner , then may be that’s all He has and better stay away from that low value emotionally unavailable man.

[@SusanWinter]

See Ya I understand what you’re saying. He’s a really good guy. Like we’ve seen so often in the past, men tend to throw their toys at women in the hopes of winning their affection. But as we all know that attracts the wrong kind of woman

[@jeanlilianlee8919]

I love giving and giving on time. If I'm uncertain about expense, I go personal, classic and memorable like a leather belt, a cycling shirt. My current person (1 year in) was so late getting me a bday gift and I was sorely disappointed. A few weeks later I found out the reason. The size of Chanel Mademoiselle isn't sold locally! I'd never told him this was my dream perfume. I'd mentioned it once on fb but not to him. And he didn't want to spoil the surprise so dealt with my sulking at the time. Also, for him attaining this gift for me is out of his time comfort zone as he has a hectic schedule and a busy family life.

[@bu4459]

Giving gifts, is something I enjoy. I asked my boyfriend if he'd like to gift exchange this year, he requested a pass... to save himself the stress, of deciding what to give. For my most recent birthday, he said he'd spend 60$ on a book. Umm, I haven't read a book in the 2.5 yrs we've been seeing each other, the paper hurts my hands. You're on point , I don't feel seen, at all.

[@haydenbakewell5530]

I am a person who's love language is gift giving and here's what I have to say. I am a child who loves showing that they care and remember the things that people like so when I see something that reminds me of them I get it. I hate receiving things, like even things I want. I think i'm wasting their money when I could buy it buy it for my self. When people try and pay me back I hate taking their money when it is what I got for them. I think that materialistic things capture so much in something we can see so it makes me happy.

[@mindofawarrior1971]

I'm a guy and I'm very different. I like giving gifts to a woman but I also like a woman giving me gifts too. I wanna feel special too and be treated good to. I'm not into the man doing all the giving and not getting anything in return. When I'm in a relationship I want for the both to do the same for each other.

[@heymisswest]

THIS!!!!!! It's the Late gifts for me! The lack of care or thought. It's embarrassing and I'm tired ....

[@anthonym6202]

As a husband is it bad for me to get bumped out that my wife hasn’t given me anything ever since we got married. Been married for two years and no gift 🎁 for my birthday 🎂 or Christmas. I have given gifts to my wife and because I come from a background we’re it is nice to give people gifts especially those you love. I don’t know I just get a bit sad that at I give so much and I get nothing in return always the same answer I was too busy at work or the kids have me to busy. I mean I have two jobs and go to school but I always find the smallest amount of time to look for my wife gifts.

[@dahliathomas97]

You're not alone at least.

[@debbie6533]

Excellent video! To me it's the thoughtfulness that counts.

[@1Kristute]

My partner didn’t give anything for my birthday. My friend called me to congratulate me on my birthday and asked what my partner gave me I told the true - nothing and later on he got mad because as he said I humiliated him to my friend. And he left me with pizza and sushi all alone on my birthday. We broke up. What do you think? I think that person has big ego and cold heart. And after this he said I love you. There is no love.

[@valeriaromainville2288]

You doged a bullet

[@rosaliegonzalez2550]

I don't get gifts from my boyfriend so I don't give him any!! I get my own gifts.

[@kannot1]

i'm so sorry :( I hope you've started dating more considerate people❤

[@JessicaAdaid2]

Same here

[@wallaceorin7887]

And your boyfriend gets a happy ending from the masseuse at least twice a week. Talk about gifted

[@ShowMeWhatINeedToKnow]

Great points. I was always giving my last girlfriend thoughtful and creative things. And she got me a random bottle of SHAMPOO for Christmas. Shampoo!?!??! What?!??

[@DiamondsRexpensive]

If it is one of those expensive nourishing shampoos, then that's awesome. If not, then I hope someone gives you some of those.

[@Brian-hp2ee]

You're amazing Susan your advise is second to none...

[@ellona3645]

I always give gifts to friends & they do the same. Even though I don't have a job I try my best to still give something during their birthdays. Even if it's something small I think it's your heart that counts :) "be a cheerful giver"

[@haroldguerrero1556]

Yes do it and nothing in return&good return is good rewards with thanks susan

[@SusanWinter]

Harold Guerrero Hey Harold. Thanks for your message

[@BelleDeJour224]

I got nothing for Mother’s Day wilted flowers. and my husband got 150 dollar sneakers for his birthday. Fast forward to today our anniversary I get him air pods also for Father’s Day since it’s tomorrow. I get a card and roses but no gift. He took me to a movie I already saw and barely spoke. I mention nicely where Is my gift he throws the drink all over the floor said eff this I took you on a date got flowers. I feel so neglected. He used to buy me massages jewelry now nothing but flowers. I’m not trying to act spoiled but after being spoiled and having it all of a sudden stop it makes me wonder how much he cares still. It’s hurt me so bad am today but I hid it. He’s such an angry person

[@KarenNLee]

Pro tip: Add a zero to the cost of the gift for every month you've been together. An extra zero for special occasions.

[@rickimcfarland2269]

Sis, new guy showed up without a token of affection for my birthday. Granted, today is not my actual birthday but I'll be out of town for my bday so today was our last opportunity to spend time together before my trip. I told him I was disappointed and he understood but I'm still turned off. My whole birthday and this fool showed up without a single rose 😂

[@cathygoltsoff9615]

Regarding gift giving: Approach gift giving gently if he comes from a dysfunctional family where giving and receiving gifts problematic. I was once told by his mother that the card I bought her was not good enough (I was young and too shocked to speak and later I cried). Gifts I bought for my niece were returned to me as I purchased it online and my sister-in-law was trying to exchange a present when instead the company sent me the returned merchandise (I thought this very petty and that you should graciously accept the present and say thank you instead I helped them get the gift they wanted). When I give him a gift he may complain but then I see him using the gift often. I may not always get gifts on time however he does not like to be pressured and will give me a wonderful gift and/or take me shopping on a future date. After experiencing his family’s attitude toward gifting I understand his behavior as gifting in his family borders on emotional abuse.

[@DiamondsRexpensive]

That's a family of grinches ain't it? Dang...

[@colinclarke9379]

great video thank you! Me and my girlfriend are polar opposites with our love languages and this helped a lot

[@abeerabdel8871]

I love this video ، but I need advice am in new relationship me and my spouse trying to create healthy relationship by accepting each other , am get in this before 3 months ago , he told me he don’t give gifts!!!!!! And am gift person, I don’t know how I should accept this fact !! And if I accepted is it healthy to me !!!!! Can you help me please , susan?!

[@leonardascorpius5304]

I'm learning to be okay and appreciate the ways my current (much younger but very old school) mate shows his giving--paying for big ticket items like comedy shows, hotels, and helping me do heavy-lifting/pet sitting stuff. While I often cook for him, pay for meals out on occasion, movies, and tangible gifts like clothing and usable things. We are both very communicative even though we see each other often due to the convenience of living on the same complex, enjoying each other's company, etc. So I'm especially grateful for those similar Love Language we share. But once in a blue moon, is it wrong or selfish of me to want a lil but if a surprise with a handwritten card, a small bouquet of flowers, or something personal he actually chooses just for me? So far, he hasn't done anything special for Christmas or Valentine's. He flat out told me that he's never given gifts, even to his parents!! 🤷🏻‍♀️😅

[@veragrpes]

My boyfriend really likes giving gifts but I don’t like giving or receiving gifts because I am not good at gift giving and I feel bad when I get gifts and mine isn’t as good. But I don’t know how to tell him I don’t want gifts all the time.

[@tobik.2849]

Great video thank you 🙏🏽 Great to hear such a balanced perspective 😊

[@littlejonathorn6860]

What if your buying a gift 🎁 for your daughter or son? Do the same rules on gift giving and receiving apply?

[@tomseamus8990]

For me my wife looks after the house our child then always looks after me is amazing. I do it every couple of months spontaneously flowers get her hair done take her on a date . Just so she knows I do appreciate her the romance is there always keeping our romance alive

[@thesils3655]

I would love to know how I should react for what happened to me " We live in different countries, my birthday arrived and I was in his country. While in my bath in my hotel I receive a text message from him saying: "I am so sorry I didnt buy you a gift for your birthday because I spent weeks searching and couldnt find anything". It was my 1st birthday with him...

[@shaunnaruto]

When you gave someone u like a gift and they gave you back a gift with the same amount value, for example a gift card Does it mean that it's kind of like a "return" or payback transaction which is not expected or required?

[@jill5215]

What if you dont receive any?? We are in 3 yrs relationship and I gave him twice a gift. But he didnt gave any. Even I told him. No gift at all. I was so upset coz his past relationship recieve somthing like scooter a car or a condo. But me even a simple card,? Nothing.. should I bother??

[@_.Lo0m.qi1]

I often get him gifts but he doesn’t like receiving them bc he doesn’t know how to respond but I love getting him gifts so idk what to do

[@marinareviews9072]

Mine doesn't give me gifts at all!

[@maheerghaffar3897]

Wht If he takes you to the shopping centre on your birthday and wants you to get a gift yourself and he pushes you to buy something quickly and then when you want to buy something he starts looking at the price and then doesnt like on you so wht type of guy is he then?

[@NgirgisFayez]

Thanks for your valuable information. suppose I know partner from dating web site, and from the first day require to send to her a gift although we do not know each other, did you think is logic ,we do not know each other and she said if you interested in marriage relationship, send me gift card, that is from the beginning. can you advice to me for that!!, Thanks in advance

[@CBT5777]

What about a girl I like at work? I gave a girl I like at work a book and I'm not sure if that was a good idea. She seemed to like it. She offered me money for it, but I told her to keep it. What do you think?

[@chrishagman1012]

My gf doesn't buy me gifts. Does this mean she is not into me?

[@andreakurjata8599]

How would you say to a spouse (together 23+years) who won't receive gifts? Not presents necessarily, but gifts of service or time, for example an offer of a massage, haircut, help doing something anything like that is constantly refused.

[@artsylady3187]

sounds like he might be ASPERGERS syndrome.....you lasted 23 years so I wouldn't worry too much about it....just don't offer anymore

[@johnbehneman1546]

Great video Susan!!! I learned so much!!!! Thanks for sharing!!!!

[@marinareviews9072]

Hi Susan, thank you so much for this video it has been very helpful.

[@janochs]

As a 60 year old woman, for Valentines and birthdays, flowers or dinner is great. Christmastime a trip to the spa for a massage, facial or mani-pedi is always a winner! A show, concert or some type of experience to enjoy...or earrings, bracelet, jewelry works too. A guy I had a long distance relationshop with, would always ask me what I wanted for Christmas....and then give me nothing. Very discouraging. Not for that reason...but we are no longer together. As far as giving gifts to a man, Ive found tickets to their favorite sports or entertainment event is always appreciated...and something I baked special would bring a smile. Now...Ive been dating a man for 2 weeks and Valentines is coming. Umm...Im thinking a Valentines emoji via text is enough...since I doubt I will be spending the day with him. What do you think?

[@SusanWinter]

jano This is where it gets tough - you’re in a very new relationship and Valentine’s Day is approaching. You don’t want to crowd him and yet you don’t want to ignore him.I’d suggest a little more than an emoji.As you suggested you don’t mind cooking- a mini cake? 1/2 dozen cookies? Small tray of lasagna? I think that shows at personal touch and warmth without being over-the-top. But you think about it. So much of this depends upon how much you like him and where you’d like to see this go. I’ve never known a man to be offended by receiving a home cooked treat or meal. 😊

[@janochs]

Susan...Im not sure I will even be seeing him! He lives far away...and Im not ready to invite him to my home yet. He's a little too frisky too early for me! If he suggests meeting somewhere, perhaps I will bring him a cookie...the kind you bake! Lol!

[@jenniferr8394]

@@SusanWinter Excellent advice. This isn't my situation but will keep this sort of thing in mind if it ever is (years from now....).

[@artsylady3187]

@@SusanWinter my guy REFUSES all food stuff....ugggg I always offer to make him breakfast or dinner but he never wants it....I do bake him brownies or cookies and he takes them but complains about it.....

[@Babesinthewood97]

Oh, there's something embarrassing about Valentine's because it forces you to make a statement..and maybe you don't know how much is too much, how little is too little. Even if I were to write a card and say how lovely it is to see him..and maybe give him something handmade but small ...I'd still feel maybe he thinks it's too much.

[@SusanWinter]

Anna Anna The entire concept of too much or too little is a really big issue - especially for the gift giver.We’re so afraid to overshoot the affection that our partner shares for us by offering a gift that is far too generous, or to underestimate their affection and where we are in the relationship by giving a small token of appreciation. Thanks for your share Anna Anna

[@jenniferr8394]

I had this problem at Christmas (see other post). I am not doing anything for the guy for Valentine's Day though since clearly he's not ready to date, thus presumably doesn't want to see me, and I decided to go out of town on a fun trip on Friday anyway. I will enjoy myself and he can have the sads realizing what he's missing out on by "not being ready." NO gift for that. Come to think of it, giving gifts to anyone on VD who isn't officially a boyfriend hasn't gone well for me, so not doing it.

[@lew131323]

Great insight!

[@sschoenleber925]

Great advice - this year he got me nothing for Christmas birthday and valentines day - I think that says it all doesn't it - he's not invested so I'm walking away

[@artsylady3187]

or gifts are not his love language.....did you end up leaving ???

[@TheVertamin]

3 years, gifted her a car and they didn't even kiss What the hell??

[@SusanWinter]

I know!

[@johngallagher72]

Smh same thing happened to my friends buddy. I asked my friend ..didnt dude have any friends to tell him that's maybe not a good idea .

[@Babesinthewood97]

Haha.

[@seeya7610]

Weakest relationship ever ! Low self esteem man . May be that’s the only thing he was able to give her.

[@k.w.1459]

Sounds like a sugar daddy/exotic dancer "relationship". I know from stories my friend in the industry has told me, the dancers often have their "clients" (men hoping to get the dancers) give them very expensive gifts and they don't turn them down.

[@maissakaizen1714]

@susanwinter hey thanks for ur videos alot My ex didn't tell me why He left me suddenly after we get back again and I am confused if I call him or just let it go it's have been 3 months

[@ViczkB]

Mam,some say that during our relationship watches,Pen, and Scaf is not good to gave because it leads us to breakup. Is it true or not can u please tell message

[@jiyapatel6203]

What if not receiving any gifts from partner for dating long?

[@Abuyole]

i bought my gf an iphone and her family started pushing me away indirectly idk why..?

[@Bubs-o1y]

Me partner has never once given me a birthday gift, card, offer of dinner. Last year he flat out forgot, made up for it with breakfast in bed and plastic flowers we'd bought for his Grandmother's grave 😑

[@angelaknox]

What about a card with nothing written in it? Like not even his name...

[@gerardosalas9477]

Angela LOL

[@Forexroadrunner]

My boyfriend doesn't buy gifts. But he is planning to marry me, he invests his money(I saw the account). He travels to see me and pays for everything when we are together. He wines and dines me at all times. 🤷🏿‍♀️

[@Ayeiproductions]

do you think she threw away my gifts? I also gave her a bible.

[@jenniferr8394]

I love this video. Though I feel like I needed this in December when the guy I am interested in (he's interested back, said he's not ready for a relationship...I know, I know, but he's got the scared going on and i will most likely wait it out as per another video) gave me a verrrrrry nice present, like "damn, I did not think you were gonna spend that much" level of present. Nailed my personality too. Meanwhile, I got him NOTHING because I figured if I gave anything it would scare him off. Then I felt like an ass. Ended up giving him very late gift in January. Anyway...what does it mean when you get nicer than expected for your level of relationship (i.e. "just friends")?

[@intunewithcars9484]

my gf never bought me anything not even a birthday card, zero care from her ever, ofc i dumped her, she never gave a crap about me so sad as i was so kind to her

[@yourfan8629]

We have been married 23 years and my husband never acknowledged to give valentine gift.

[@christinaacosta6594]

Ok... so what does it mean when your partner of years only gets you .... microwave popcorn ? I got my partner many custom made stuffed geared to their interests. My partner stated they had time to shop and got stuff that sucks and owes me better gifts.. I responded "don't worry.... we still have time... what does this say? Btw they know I love spa treatments and certain stores. I'm actually not tough to buy for... my friends knock it out the park every time. Sentimental is the key for me.

[@ashimlimbu9036]

i expect gift from my girlfriend is it good or m i being victim of too much expectation ?

[@alexandramaria7754]

Sigh! My ex partner loves fancy things, fancy clothes, etc, etc. He did finish his second-degree last year with 38 years old, and I decided to give him something really special, I bought him one watch, expensive yes. But I just loved it. It was my way to tell way "I'm proud of you!". When it comes to giving gifts, the important thing isn't the money we spend but the thoughts and feelings behind our intentions. Even when you give something to their family, it means you are real your intentions are real. We care too much about trivial things when it comes to love somebody, and "we" walk into this confusing dating pool guarded expectations just the good things to come, and giving minimal services like a hospital. Thank you so much for this video, Susan! This world really needs more people like you and me, and all those guys and girls who share the same vision of life/love.

[@SusanWinter]

Yes, you're correct. "... the important thing isn't the money we spend but the thoughts and feelings behind our intentions." Brilliant. Thank you

[@alexandramaria7754]

@@SusanWinter you are very welcome my dear, I love to hear you :) Your last videos gave me more peace inside my heart

[@lyndamcmullen9410]

So true. Thanks ♥️

[@sheekadaDahab]

Married 6+ years and Never got a present (exept clothes) like 8 euro pants etc.... Now I stopped giving him presents too.

[@sangitamardi5312]

M doing the same

[@roshnitutorials79]

Can we ask him for something we need?? Is this right

[@rastabeibynish1149]

Is it true if a lady buys shoes for a man it means separation or bad luck

[@hollysmeadow2352]

Hi Susan, wasn't sure where to ask a question so thought your most recent post would be a good start. I'm torn between continuing trying for a relationship that I don't get much back from. Not married and have a two month old baby together. He says very often he needs more freedom and breaks up with me or he's not happy. I have forgiven him for so much and I don't feel secure. Also he just took a job in another state and plans to see us every 2 weeks for a week. How long do I keep trying and fighting when I am the only one putting in the work? Not sure if you will read this but thank you in advanced. -Holly

[@DiamondsRexpensive]

I am not susan, but girl, you deserve a man who is actually in the relationship with you, not a guy who is like an outsider. Relationships are a 2 way road, and even if you get upset or angry with your partner, you don't throw them under the bus. Definitely no ditching your partner as well. Like what the, dude... And perhaps in the future, and I hope you don't get upset with me but I have to say this, test the man before you decide to produce a new human with him. Because, a kid needs influences from both a female figure and a male figure to grow into a decent human. Like the kid has to see how their parents are coexisting together and want to coexist together and are loving and kind to one another. Think with your mind when you choose a man.

[@hollysmeadow2352]

@@DiamondsRexpensive thank you. Appreciate that.

[@rehammua]

Very useful information 😘

[@SusanWinter]

Reham Ahmed I’m glad that you like it

[@johng.4959]

I gave my ex-girlfriend flowers (Roses) one year for Valentines Day. Since she moved to a new office and I didn't know the address and feared I'd blow the surprise, I decided to leave them for her at her home the night before Valentines Day. {She was working late and I thought she would be happy. (Yes, I had something more planned for the actual day, but thought it would be nice...) Little did I know.... She blew her stack and when we spoke on the phone, she lambasted me and said how careless I was...hated the flowers (Vase was not big enough and wrong color... Card was too "generic" etc...) What really blew my mind was that she was really even more upset that I didn't give her the flowers on the "Actual Valentines DAY".... I just couldn't understand why I was such a "bad guy" for doing this??? She really let me have it. So, I guess what many men try to do is overcompensate with "more" or more expensive things... I could have given her a $1,000 wrapped in gold leaf roses... but??? She'd be pissed because it was the wrong (Fill in the _______). Do people really look at the effort or intention these days? Maybe... I just think it can totally get out=of=hand.....

[@DiamondsRexpensive]

Maybe she just doesn't like you enough. If a guy I like remembered me with flowers any day of the year, I would be on cloud 9. It depends on the person and what they prefer too.

[@whatupdoemia]

Your ex girlfriend sounds like a horrible person that was ungrateful and unappreciated. You are probably better off without her, your gift was thoughtful .

[@johng.4959]

@@whatupdoemia Thank you! Yeah, I learned a great deal from that relationship and it quickly went down-hill from that point. That separate event was a clue I ignored at the time. She wasn't a nice person and eventually showed her true colors. So yes, not with her anymore and I highly doubt anyone will be able to live-up to her expectations. Thanks again!

[@sonyablaze9668]

I wouldn’t want them the day after either.

[@sonyablaze9668]

@@whatupdoemia No she has standards and will not settle for basic treatment. Who wants flowers the day after like an afterthought. Her feelings was hurt as it should be and she have every right to feel that way without your judgment.

[@thatgirl5630]

Sometimes I feel like my bf is just lazy and doesn’t bother to remember or try for my presents, I legit only asked for ONE thing and sent him a photo of it, and he got me socks…hm

[@JenNy-zi8px]

My ex fiance had troubled understanding me that I didn't want any gifts. I was happy with the time he gave me. He insulted me and told me that I emasculated him. I was baffled My ex husband was the same. I reiterated he had to stop buying gifts I wouldn't utilise. Well, he got upset. Now, I'm seeing someone again. This guy gave me a gift. I accepted it because I don't want him to get upset. I don't understand a man sometime.

[@1Andrea]

And here I am I need the gift I need all of the love languages to be expressed…. You should make that very clear when you meet somebody… I actually enjoy gifting my dates as well… And I would feel kind of hurt

[@ThrowItOnTheGrill]

I don't even bother dating any more. It's just not worth my time, energy, or money. This topic is definitely one of them. A woman that gets a gift from a man doesn't look at it as, "Oh, he appreciates me so he's giving me a gift." No, they look at it as, "How much money did he spend on me?" Or, they want to know if they can return it and "get something better". Not dating between Christmas and Valentine's Day has saved me so much money and frustration in the past, it's amazing. Women are way too materialistic for me now... and it always seems to be that the gift-giving is one way... to her. I thought this video was on track to that, but then it made a U-turn. Rating a man on the quality of gifts he can give a woman is a ridiculous metric of a relationship.

[@davidthomspson9771]

I like to make metal artwork and paintings to give as gift for a gal I truly like.You put the sweat of your brow and your heart into something meaningful like art and that's a huge difference than going to the mall or Walgreen's to get a card or flowers......dude buying her a car though?? Don't be a chump.

[@RahelGroo]

a comment to what Susan says in 2:44-2:55 --> If a gift is late or a rush thing or something costly that didn't need any thought, that doesn't necessarily mean, that your partner didn't put a lot of time on thinking about you. From myself I know that when I am overwhelmed with a job, let it be getting a gift for my partner, that I postpone it. I postpone it so long until I don't have time to get something suitable. In fact though, I put my partner on very high priority and was thinking of him or her for quite a lot, just not in a very efficient way. I was stopped by my own fears. If this is the case it can help to think of these fears. But it can be very difficult. I believe though that it is learnable. Of course it can be as Susan says, but I would be careful here because it can be a misinterpretation :) Good luck. Let's not stop learning :) And thank you Susan for your video

[@itadrew3861]

What's wrong with a book!...it depends in the reciver really! I think people need to find out what thire love language is and figure out what there partners is to including what they value. Sometimes it can be misconstrued as someone not caring...I don't think that's true. Always give someone the possibility to surprise you!

[@megzzzz1077]

Susan. You’re my girl!! I love watching your channel and taking your advice. But please get a nice mic to wear. 🙂 friendly suggestion, nothing but respect

[@Rectifiable]

Maybe you can gift her one.

[@megzzzz1077]

Reck Tumz If I had the means, I would. I didn’t mean any harm, I still love to watch her uploads 🙂

[@yapnyukling9896]

My online romance wants to send to me watches and lady's wear within a month of chat. Never meet him and see him at video. What man is that?

[@artsylady3187]

scammer

[@tuff47]

I'm tired of trying. I'm tired of the BS. Susan, Look at how much you are going through with your analysis and discussions. Love and togetherness should not be difficult. Two people want each other and work at it. If it doesn't work, then they should not be together. The two should learn to stay away. That should be you advice - simple and concise. If it does not work, stay away from each other.

[@Hgreentea]

Get a life bro😂😂

[@tuff47]

@@Hgreentea I have a life. I am quite content.

[@johngallagher72]

Yikes ..one of my friends told me a similar story. A friend of his co-signed a car for a lady and they weren't even quote really dating . You hate to hear stories like that . It's absolutely heartbreaking. Guys need to definitely be a little smarter/ savvy. My whole theory is I'll show you Clark Kent (the awkward bumbling shy nerdy broke guy) and maybe you can convince me you see Superman under the disguise. Then I would take you to the Fortress of Solitude or the ballet (meaning I'll give you the greatest gift and let you in) Tbh the car for me would be a definite no ...after all I am Scottish and we have a reputation of thrift to uphold. 😉

[@SusanWinter]

John Gallagher John I absolutely love your commentary. Thank you so much for this valuable share

[@johngallagher72]

@@SusanWinter Your videos are an actual invaluable resource as well. It took me about 45 years to learn that you have to tell your partner what your needs and expectations are and make them known. I think you said this in one of your videos as well. You have to have the ability to make your needs and wants known to your partner and if they cant meet them its time to move along. I was dating someone younger last summer and I did this. I told them that I was looking for something a little more serious from them and when they were unable to provide it we stopped seeing each other. It is definitely much better to be crystal clear .That way no one ends up disappointed. 👍

[@yichispiritual]

I want a poem written for me....:p

[@raephaelemasirnille5794]

The whole idea of giving gifts is pointless, a waste of money and needs to stop. So many times we spend money on someone, they seemed pleased and you never see the item again, they never use it. One of the best Xmas gifts I ever got was my sister baked me an assortment of cookies, I loved it! People are too polite to say I don't like your gift. Cook them dinner, take them to dinner, out for a massage, a movie, an event, just spend time, but handing someone a gift, Unless you know it's something they want, can be a waste of money.

[@missamericausa]

💫💫💫💫💫💫💫

[@keishaelward5693]

Sji au

[@annacyparska9747]

Bad audio

[@jessicah9311]

Went on a date with a man who was a very negative person. He had a aggressive manner about him and clearly lacked confidence. He was also bitter. I told him that I was newer to dating after leaving a long term relationship and he went in to tell me he had also broken up with someone who he was with for a few years. He then went on bitterly saying he gave her a Jeep along with paying for her friends and her to go to Mexico and she was still living in a condo he owned rent free. I don’t know if he intended for me to think he was a generous man and thought I’d get angry but I honestly lost all interesting in him. This maybe harsh but I only saw him as a loser from then on. He clearly had little self respect and his inability to stand up for himself didn’t make him the victim in my opinion. We didn’t go on a second date. I texted him back when he asked me out a second time that I wasn’t interested but thank you for a nice evening. He said, “whatever bitch.’ 🙄

[@nirmonculus7496]

Susan: I have a client who gifted a girl a car, never even kissed her, it is too much, it might drive people away Me: She gonna drive away in that car for sure 😂😂 But seriously, if there is no understanding, there can be no love.