gilear’s vasectomy

[@ghastlyghifin4029]

"Who here knows chronomancy?!?" "I can punch you in the head." Greatest wizard of this age.

[@GZilla311]

I mean, we still don’t have confirmation on whether or not he is Arthur’s dad, right?

[@jaydenbuchanan8083]

​@@GZilla311only the future will tell Due to chronomancy

[@nelevenchts]

​@@GZilla311correction, we don't know if he is Arthur's father either.

[@Hawwwlucha]

Muscle Wizard casts fist

[@spyrofan9681]

​@@Hawwwlucha Mash Burndead? What are you doing here?

[@greenredblue]

It's incredible how much this radiates "bullying friends in high school" energy

[@Scufflegrit]

Razzing, more like it.

[@JamesBrown-yv8iw]

It's so funny to me that Gilear has just been hitting it raw

[@MyNameIs8Ball]

She let me hit it raw because I'm portly.

[@chiguy23]

With how much shit he’s been through, why would he even bother with condoms at this point?

[@wrongeden3420]

​@@chiguy23 I doubt they even make them his size

[@michaela765]

how could a condom hope to hold all pulp no juice

[@TheSkyCaptain]

​​@@wrongeden3420Okay, I feel need to inform. Canonically elfs do have big dicks. However they make condoms that fit bigger sizes and condoms stretch considerably. Too big for a condom is a lie 🤥 bred from hubris and idiocy. Gilear could use a condom... But he's Gilear.. so... *Shrugs* 😂

[@TheStealthyPyro]

He missed the chance to say "I love my life, I love my wife" which doesn't change much but I like the rhyme

[@cryptic_kay]

I’m imagining it in a borat type inflection 😭

[@dumpy_frog]

@@cryptic_kayI feel like Brennan was going to, heard what he was about to say, and quickly diverted it before he did a Borat

[@seokkchan993]

​@@dumpy_frog he def noticed the borat tone, and remebered that gilear doesnt have a wife (yet)

[@Ineffably_Obsessed]

I THOUGHT OF THAT TOO

[@daphneglasurus7886]

That’s corny and wouldn’t have made sense

[@jimmy_the_squid9456]

Everyone thinks Emily is the most out of pocket Intrepid Hero but Murph came in with the steel chair here

[@MrSpannners]

There is probably a reason they're married

[@VivaLaDnDLogs]

And the soft blanket to protect him from thrown objects.

[@bluebawls]

​@@VivaLaDnDLogsthis is such a great sentence

[@BobDeVikingKing]

Allys “NEOOOOOOOO” scream after Murph invents all pulp is like the pain when a new idea is birthed

[@soren5312]

Nobody ever said birth was painless, but its still a beautiful process to witness.

[@Ethan-qs7fo]

​@@soren5312 LMFAOOOO

[@22015slee]

what's worse, "roll for hole" or "so much pulp in that juice"?

[@cinderstreaks4507]

ALL PULP NO JUICE

[@bananawieldingorenji]

ALL PULP NO JUICE

[@peeachykeen48]

ALL PULP NO JUICE

[@lydiamendez2706]

ALL PULP NO JUICE

[@EveonaV]

ALL PULP NO JUICE

[@agentapples2185]

“Use a divination roll” is a hilarious phrase from Fabian.

[@zachloveday3739]

murph's chuckle before saying "so much pulp in that juice" kills me

[@Random-Stranger]

That "ALL PULP! NO JUICE!" chant was one for the ages. 😂

[@orionsbonk]

he knows he’s hilarious, as he should

[@kris778]

The “I had a cursed thought so everyone has to suffer with me” chuckle 😂

[@Sabbathtage]

Well, that seals it. Gilear saying he loves his life in spite of the awfulness makes him an Absurdist Hero. "One must imagine Sisyphus happy." Gilear has a bad situation that he's found peace with.

[@groundcontrol0597]

Sisyphus if he had a big hog and is all pulp

[@PenStab]

It's the pulp that kept Sisyphus going.

[@boxybob6976]

Sisyphus wasn't clapping fabian's mom raw tho

[@cinderstreaks4507]

I’m so excited to check “Fabian gets a sibling” off of my bingo card when this becomes official

[@mdugan16]

I mean technically Fig is his step sister!

[@swimmyswim417]

He deserves to be shaken out of his raging ‘only child syndrome’. I can’t wait to see him and Fig argue over their shared little stepsibling.

[@eggiboiroi]

technically fabian had MANY sibling and captain james whitlaw just ate them bitches 😭😭😭 lou is so mad rn but im like “every other seacaster died let always the elven side live on 😭”

[@he.said.teenjiejer]

@@eggiboiroiwhenever i remember that line i freak out. but it makes sense that he would have siblings. you think captain bill seacaster, terror of the seas, was wearing his galoshes everytime?

[@shaythemoonchild431]

I just realized that most of the Bad Kids are related to each other. Fig is the daughter of Sandra Lynn and Gilear’s surrogate daughter. Gilear is dating Hallierial who is Fabian’s mother making Fabian ad Fig step siblings. Fig’s real father is Gorthalax who is dating Sklonda, which makes Riz and Fig step siblings as well if that relationship get serious. Sandra Lynn is dating Jawbone who is the adoptive father of Adaine and Kristen? The only one who isn’t related to them is Gorgug…unless his parents enter a polycule with any of the other parents 😅

[@HPFireYT]

Honestly, considering their… activities and their various appliances, I would not be surprised if the Thistlesprings had some fun with some of the other parents.

[@ghostwolf6765]

Jawbone is poly

[@leme9909]

I'm fully expecting the Thistlesprings to have some news with Jawbone (and Sandra Lynn?)

[@fireheart240]

I saw a post once that theorized that since Augefort is canonically a time traveler he actually is Gorgug’s son from the future, which was something he said in the first season, and therefore Fig is dating Gorgug’s granddaughter. And there isn’t a day that’s gone by since that I haven’t thought about that.

[@Bizzaro_Pope]

@@fireheart240that’s cannon now. I’ll only except as non cannon if Brennan says it and even than I probably won’t

[@Theology.101]

ALL PULP NO JUICE this man is FERTILE

[@spadebuffalo]

WE FOUND IT MASCULINE FERTILE

[@papitasloup2119]

THE WORD IS VIRILE PLEASE DONT SAY GILEAR IS FERTILE😭

[@zoroblackzoro7696]

That’s a FERTILE ahh man

[@bluebawls]

When murph said "so much pulp in that juice" my soul literally astral projected out of my body it was great

[@green_dragon_knight]

I do love Lou both in and out of character swimming desperately against the tide of “oh no, now everyone has made it too funny, Fabian HAS to have a new sibling now”. Poor guy never stood a chance 😂

[@Thronny]

Wow "pulp in that juice" is the worst thing I've ever heard in my fucking life.

[@jimmy_the_squid9456]

And this is the same show that had "roll for hole" just a couple weeks ago

[@Finn-wc8nq]

It reminds me of when murph said “slangin some rope” on naddpod 😭 king of saying vile phrases

[@LuckySketches]

Vasectomy 2nd level transmutation Casting time: 1 minute Range: Touch Target: A creature Components: S, M (a petrified acorn) Duration: Instantaneous Classes: Cleric, Bard, Paladin You render the target infertile. At higher levels: The same, but it hurts more.

[@robingoodfellow1484]

😭

[@alexanderlucard4810]

A petrified acorn is an amazing material component for this spell. Well done

[@DistortedSemance]

Thank God it has a casting time of one minute. I shudder to think of the combat applications otherwise.

[@alexanderlucard4810]

@@DistortedSemance OH GOD NO!

[@pmf98]

The bard casts a 9th level Vasectomy spell, and the propheciesed prince of the apocalypse remains within Lord Testes’ balls as a portal to the plane of order opens within his sack, whisking his balls away into the ether!

[@possumking309]

ALL PULP, NO JUICE!

[@bunnywaffles1190]

ALL PULP, NO JUICE!

[@BladedFish]

ALL PULP, NO JUICE

[@johncrotty169]

ALL PULP, NO JUICE!

[@pmf98]

ALL PULP NO JUICE!

[@Chernybrothers]

ALL PULP, NO JUICE!

[@beatofromuminekorealnotcli4574]

I love the feeling that Brennan REALLY wanted to pull out a Borat-voice "my wife" after Gilear said he loved his life and had to actively restrain himself. I don't know if that's actually what was going through his mind, but that's how it felt. To me.

[@yue1084]

i love when the bad kids play the cards they usually hate just to mess with their friends, like riz "the ball, you wanna carry zayn's grave?" "too small." gukgak and adaine "it hasn't been three months yet? elven oracle." abernant

[@KoalaLauren7]

Lou joining in on the "All Pulp No Juice" is just like in season one when Biz joined in on the countdown to get his fingers shot off

[@pixiepearls3]

I NEED Gilear and Hallariel to have a kid before the end of the season

[@lucaswickmansound]

I could feel Brennan having an entire internal debate about absolutely ruining Fabian’s life in this silence 1:32

[@RedRattt]

"How much pulp is in that juice" is so disgusting I am going to start using it.

[@roughfoxy101]

I read this comment as they said it

[@grounsonffm6007]

Gorgug punching Fabian to achieve chronomancy has me convinced that at one point Gorgug knocked Fabian out for like an hour and Fabian concluded that he’d been sent forward in time

[@Cherry_LeStrade]

this is gonna be fabian's arc in senior year, learning to coexist with the gilear-spawn

[@Notbatman374]

Ally: "If i roll a 20 one is accidentally named fabian" Riz: "If I roll a 20 one is intentionally named fabian" Fabian: "Staaaaaaaawp"

[@CodeNameX001]

I'm still trying to figure out whatxs funnier: If that single giant swimmer slowly pushes it's way out of Gilear, or if it's full t-shirt cannon.

[@jimmy_the_squid9456]

T shirt cannon with Hallariel braced for impact on the opposite side of the room

[@eddiemate]

Fully punches a hole in there

[@ghastlyghifin4029]

I'm with Lou on this one, it's like a Bullet Bill

[@eline7214]

the spworm

[@auratheva]

Definitely the narstiest episode of Adventuring Party (loving)

[@KashMcMann]

sometimes i forget how funny Murph is, and then he pulls out something like "Little beans d6, lets see how much pulp is in that juice" and i will forever love him

[@GreatGoatRebellion]

I have an incredible yearning for an ALL PULP NO JUICE tshirt

[@HellInternAKACandyMD]

LMAO! I missed it on the first watch of the episode, Murph, "Nat 20 and they PURPOSELY name them Fabian."

[@Fuzzthefurr]

If Hellariel comes back with a familiar and Gallier introduces it as "a new member of the family" would be the funniest fucking thing.

[@Drekromancer]

Just remember, Fabian: Measure twice, cut once!

[@patchworkgremlin4993]

I actually think big brother faibian will be adorable

[@SuperAdventuretime10]

I love how much ally cackled this episode 😂

[@Iojima]

… this has aged so so well

[@breadstick4458]

2:10 “you see he runs over and is hug- you are dead” what a quote lol

[@DavidRycan]

i somehow forgot the vasectomy line was coming and fucking spilled water all over myself

[@thebandkid8066]

Good God y'all. This is the first time I'm seeing any of this and the entire adventuring party bit had me crying laughing

[@actuallyjay8522]

"that chant was too catchy not to yell" that got me

[@charlottemydear]

Is it possible to become traumatized from a video of people laughing? Asking for a friend

[@tuxedobike4067]

6:10 True origin of the Spworm?

[@PatchworkPS]

yeah this hits different after Paul's smartypants presentation

[@RenaRain]

This is the most cursed thing that Murph has ever said

[@soccerruben1]

ALL PULP NO JUICE! ALL PULP NO JUICE! ALL PULP NO JUICE!

[@arthursun1337]

murph invented the spworm!!

[@link090909]

The gods work fast, but NO NAME works faster

[@eggs4bones]

I was CRYING watching this the first time and again every tune after that

[@residentevilnerd]

Looks like we've got ourselves a new Tshirt

[@Ineffably_Obsessed]

“you know why we’re laughing? because it’s a joke.” killed me

[@victorianmagnet9308]

6:12 is this where Paul Robalino's "Spworm" bit in Smartypants came from?

[@pleaseforgetme4985]

The fact the “because its not 3 months” actually lines up with the reveal is incredible. True elven oracle

[@basementdwellercosplay]

Insemination roll reminds me of I had jokely asked the DM during a session if I had to roll for condom effectiveness

[@lanasartlife]

Gilear is such a big softie

[@nelevenchts]

The funniest part is Lou's hand wave when Gilear is about to say my son

[@bastien-]

They were absolutely on one! The onest of ones!

[@nida8893]

3:23 not zac baiting lou with the decoy dice lmao

[@nida8893]

also the double nat 1s from the cast ... dnd gods REALLY wanted fabian to stay as an only child

[@Xhalph]

This makes me think that Gilear's hog is akin to a snub-nosed caulking gun.

[@eliasroos7185]

So we're all not gonna talk about how Gilear called Fabien "my darling step son", like how Bill used to call him "my darling boy"??

[@princeopumpkins]

Gelear spunk confirmed

[@dandelionhoneyy]

holy shit its the spworm

[@TheJfh0901]

I am genuinely getting All Pulp No Juice tattooed tomorrow.

[@mortal3256]

Cant wait for the animation

[@bashtheman3016]

magic is just the perseption of reality, meaning if he dont remember it, it didnt happen. gorgug is a true scholar

[@he.said.teenjiejer]

i love when they roll checks in the ap

[@gabrielbjornursidae]

It's funny that Gilear, as lame as he is (still love him), will... *fill* Hallariel's life in ways that Bill never could.

[@charliehague5739]

6:07 spworm

[@sirloss3080]

spworm mention

[@iancampbell4394]

Is this the origin of the spworm?!?

[@bookworm4133]

All Pulp, No Juice (Cassandra's Version)

[@swr3603]

🎵Fabian is happy, he's happy for his mother, Fabian is happy, he's gonna have a brother. ALL PULP! NO JUICE! ALL PULP! NO JUICE! Gilear is happy, his curse is finally done, Gilear is happy he's gonna have a son. ALL PULP! NO JUICE! ALL PULP! NO JUICE! Fig is happy, she's a real A-lister, Fig is happy, she's gonna have a sister. ALL PULP! NO JUICE! ALL PULP! NO JUICE! Hallariel is happy, she's going to do a twirl, Hallariel is happy, she's gonna have a girl. ALL PULP! NO JUICE! ALL PULP! NO JUICE! Everyone is happy, everybody wins, everyone is happy, the Seacaster's will have twins ALL PULP! NO JUICE! ALL PULP! NO JUICE! ALL PULP! NO JUICE! ALL PULP! NO JUICE! 🎵

[@roughfoxy101]

Amazing!

[@RedRattt]

Ally's scream of agony in response to "Too much pulp in that juice." Is on point

[@syltwee]

using this as friend bullying inspo

[@Zhuminem]

wait...gilear is what paul had in mind?

[@free_siobhan]

if they don’t have kids i’m gonna flip

[@he.said.teenjiejer]

look adaine said the elven oracle thing, so it HAS to happen

[@ZoeBateman]

"all pulp, no juice" is actually insane especially when you consider that gilear is a relatively-recently divorced, middle-aged, balding, unlucky, likely physically very unfit high elf

[@MellSayzHi]

I know as much as Fabian hates Gilear he's gonna be the best big brother to those children

[@gem3806]

THEYRE PARENTS?????

[@paiged20]

THEY ARE

[@gem3806]

THIS IS NEW INFORMATION TO ME CONGRATS TO THEM LESGO

[@rebeccarahmanthatone]

WAIT WHO ARE PARENTS?!

[@gem3806]

@@rebeccarahmanthatone Brennan Lee Mulligan and Izzy Roland?!? According to legends (read: googled this all in the last five minutes) they announced that they had a daughter on January 23rd 2024- they aren't sharing her official name yet but her codename is apparently Sunny. Certified BLeeM W especially since they've said he's always wanted to be a father (? at least in the lie detector GC episode)

[@rebeccarahmanthatone]

@@gem3806 oH MY GOD THAT IS THE BEST NEWS IVE HEARED ALL WEEK HOLY CRAP CONGRATS TO THEM!

[@atherrien95]

"Stop saying 'swimmers', Sir"

[@k3ynan316]

1:54 cursed sound byte.

[@ADHDad]

I need a Gilear All Pulp No Juice tee

[@travelingnome87]

Lou threatens to walk out. Brennan does it.

[@LoudAngryJerk]

I can just imagine Fabian's arc with twins he's secretly training his baby brother to assassinate Gilear. But again, it's a Baby.

[@Antonicane]

Surely they have to have made a D20 shirt that says 'All pulp, No juice', right?

[@HunterSentinel]

4:26 I’m a little bit high and this is making laugh so so SOOOOO DAMN hard!!!!! I nearly frew up.

[@evertime123]

The good ol manchester mangler

[@MalakianM2S]

So... fabian's baby brother name is going to be "Gelear"?

[@SteinarrBattlefist]

Billear, after Halariels first husband.

[@MalakianM2S]

@@SteinarrBattlefist Nothing like making accurate a silly sperm joke I guess.

[@superanimeniac]

now THAT is absolutely cursed.

[@justahorse2020]

Ok, but for real, did they make Fabian lose his "only (biological) child" status? Or is this all just for shiggles?

[@MyNameIs8Ball]

i feel like being just about 20 years older than your sibling is even more only child than not having any

[@amandajohnson3531]

​@@MyNameIs8Ball At some point it won't matter since they're both elves. They may not have childhoods together but they'll have over 150 years of adulthood together.

[@mrwyatt6006]

@@amandajohnson3531fabian is a half elf. This child would be a full elf

[@artemis3392]

he's not actually technically an only child as is alluded to in what I think was episode 6 of sophomore year heartache on the celestine sea with that or the episode after in which witclaw tells Fabian he's going to kill him and eat his brain like every one of his other siblings (that presumably neither Fabian nor bill know about)

[@justahorse2020]

@@artemis3392 oh damn, I did not know about that! See, I can't watch the pay-per-view content, so I can only go off of what KZbin gives me. I'd still loooove to see Fabian have to deal with being a big brother and come to terms with the fact hehehe

[@chrisfoley1961]

"All pulp, no juice" t-shirts coming when?

[@mr.minewarp1678]

I love how Gilear now has 2 children but neither are his biological.

[@Megsleyy]

“Canonically he does have a huge -“

[@Finn-wc8nq]

Insemination check is too good

[@RetroKidReviews]

So all of these rolls are cannon #allpulpnojuice

[@ChanellorWarfare]

Nat 20 and they name the kid Bill

[@chickensoup1025]

I'm actually crying

[@kristinaholling105]

not gilear having spworm

[@BOS_Fox]

"Use a divination roll on insemination? Give me an insemination check." Ahhh I love it.

[@cocosodas]

As someone in episode 5 I’m scared

[@boatghost2543]

How much pulp is in that juice?

[@superanimeniac]

just a little bit of pulp

[@IrisGlowingBlue]

Thanks for posting! This was the worst thing I have ever watched (/j)