Gretchen Rubin: The Four Tendencies (how to start and stick to anything).

[@TisiphoneSeraph]

I love Gretchen's work but I will say it gets a little old when the conversation turns to Rebels that it's all about telling other people how to "manage" us and not how difficult it can be to manage ourselves. Resistance is real and managing that for myself is something I really struggle with. I get it's probably partially because she's at the other end of the framework but bit of a bummer. Also think it's interesting that when Upholders say no to something it's framed as boundaries but when Rebels do they're doing what they want. The nurse and doctor going no, we're going to focus on this because it's what's important to us right now, not the keynote - great boundary and one an Upholder might struggle to put in place. Think that would be an interesting place to explore similarities between opposite types.

[@Nerdy-By-Nature]

I agree with you! I haven't read the book yet, very new to this work (in fact I am not very far into the video) but from a perspective of "aspirational" it seems like the Rebel who becomes masterful could become Upholder-like. This is how I feel as a Rebel, but I can't force it. It's the force that causes resistance. To your point, boundaries are a HUGE deal for me. And also the Obliger aspiring to Questioner, and vise versa. It seems like the opposites create a healthy balance. Maybe I'm looking at this in a too Jungian or Enneagram way but that's where my brain instantly goes - transformation.

[@maghouinbeg5011]

Thank you. That was really interesting. I am an Obliger, and had figured out the benefits of going challenges, and posting my goals on my blog. But I had really just scratched the surface. Now I had a means of moving on, and getting more things completed. I'm a little bit on shock, but my brain is fizzing and coming up with was of helping to create outward expectations to allow me to succeed.

[@Seeker0fTruth]

Maghouin Beg - Please share! I just took the quiz and am an Obliger too. In need of help and tips! Anything you can share would be most appreciated!!!

[@mlelmendorf]

I am a total obligor married to a total questioner. Our personalities have cause some conflict. Knowing our tendencies will help us be able to deal with each other, I should think.

[@amypattie7004]

I am the obliger of obligers. One thing that has really liberated me in my marriage is that we’ve decided that I am always right. Not always correct, but always right. For example, if I were to say “you never text me back,” instead of arguing that he always texts back by whipping out his phone records, he approaches the conversation believing that I’m right and figuring out in what way I am right. So he might figure out that it’s not necessarily how fast he replies, but that I don’t feel like I’m his priority (for example.) I find it’s the best thing ever for me, who is used to always entering into a conflict assuming I’m wrong and letting people tell me so.

[@juneelle370]

Wow~that’s a loving husband! Are you doing the same for him or it’s not necessary for him?

[@Nerdy-By-Nature]

@@amypattie7004 thanks for sharing that. My mom is an Obliger and I feel like this will be so helpful for her brain.

[@mlelmendorf]

Does the book talk about the age at which these 4 tendencies start to become apparent? Do children show these tendencies or do they manifest as we reach adolescence?

[@Nerdy-By-Nature]

I haven't read the book yet but I can tell you both of my kids had their tendencies in infancy 🤣

[@gmr9265]

Does anyone know if Grecthen's book touches on tendencies and addictive behavior? I understand tendencies relate to expectations but I'm curious if it also relates to toxic repetitive behavior.

[@dasRepalle]

GMR926 Try "The power of Habit"

[@dasRepalle]

GMR926 Try "The power of Habit"