Guaranteed* Audio 24 | CURSED New England Theme Parks

✅www.GuaranteedVideo.com
✅bsky.app/profile/kevinjames.b...
✅bsky.app/profile/neilcic.com
✅ / vicious516
Canobie Lake Park, King Richard's Faire, Six Flags New England, Water Country, Water Wizz, King's Castle Land, Plymouth Rock. What do they have in common? We've BEEN TO THEM.
iTunes: tinyurl.com/GuaranteediTunes
Google Play Music: tinyurl.com/GuaranteedGooglePlay
Direct RSS Feed: neilcic.com/guaranteed/?feed=p...
#GuaranteedAudio #GuaranteedVideo

[@Boonehams]

The most cursed video tape we had growing up was a recording of Return of the Jedi my family made when it aired on TV. Like Kevin, we'd pause the recording when a commercial came on so we didn't miss the movie. We eventually got lazy and screwed up our pausing of the commercials, letting a couple slip by. When we eventually watched what we recorded, towards the very end of the film a Dove soap commercial cut in; the entire screen was white as you heard a woman softly say, "Wouldn't you like a beauty bar that felt like this?" SMASH CUT to the Millennium Falcon flying through an exploding TIE fighter and diving into the main porthole of the Death Star as the John Williams score blared with French horns at maximum volume.

[@hippy-pants]

i have so much respect for the fact that Ryan already had a 90's rapper stage name character

[@Kenz-the-oakes]

Mc Webmasta rest in peace, found overdosed behind a Wendy’s in 2010

[@bradleyhector5746]

43:15 There’s an irony in saying this after just singing a changed version of the song.

[@hamptoncomics]

I think this podcast and the previous Double Shrunkled post-mortem are the funniest podcasts you three have done so far

[@austinmitchell2652]

I agree, this one was a riot

[@lucas532br]

Thank You Ryan!! I can't believe people praisied the "we have one too many gay couple in the world, let's kill them to avoid the apocalypse: the movie".

[@hanamacquoid1427]

How have you brilliant filmmakers not landed your own studio/show yet? It truly blows my mind. 15 years of consistently creative KZbin productions. You’re like the underdog KZbin kings.

[@Kenz-the-oakes]

I just went to a con lately with my full Daxter Flaxter cosplay it was great! would you guys declare me the biggest Daxter Flaxter fan

[@KevinJamesVideo]

?! I demand photographs.

[@randomperson8304]

This MIGHT be daxter Flaxter

[@YouBredRaptorsMusic]

Hell yes

[@lol-oy8qh]

can’t wait to listen!!!!

[@flowersbyphone2554]

i really hated knock at the cabin door so it was so fun hearing ryan roast it

[@TheDrDesolation]

They Filmed Grown Ups at Water Wizz

[@fissionphoenix4995]

I know that part of me is miserable when I don't have a particularly creative outlet. It's tough because I also don't consider myself a particularly creative person. Not really into many forms of artistic expression. One thing that seemed to work amazing for me was just livestreaming while playing games. I found it especially relaxing and enjoyed trying my best to talk through my thought processes and put on impromptu performances when reading out in-game dialogue. Having moved from a living situation where I could do that every day to one where I haven't been doing it at all has been tough. I feel like changing my living situation again to get that back is my biggest priority now and that's why I struggle so much when trying to focus on other "more logical" ambitions. Getting my bachelor's degree would be great but since I'm unable to indulge in what most satisfied my "creative" needs, I can't focus on the other goals in life while also working. I'm lucky to be in a position where I can work through this sort of mental roadblocks and shift focus.

[@JuliusJoa]

42:21 I love how they sing, but seriously if Kevin James was trying to sing My Little Pony theme song. 😂😂😂😂

[@JuliusJoa]

Actually you'll see, they sing the Water Country theme song. There you go.

[@capnbug]

Thanks. Im glad this one was guaranteed

[@6Shooter28]

"And does that save the world?" "Yep!" "...uh."

[@ancient_bam]

As a person who just recently moved to New England, this is exactly what I needed.

[@batlrar]

I find it interesting that the Shyamalan movie is even worse than Ryan articulated here! Spoilers, of course, if you care about those and somehow avoided it within the video. The movie actually starts out with a climate change denial message. The people who had the visions about preventing the apocalypse come up to the cabin and ask them to make a "small" sacrifice to save the world, and every time they refuse, another plague will be unleashed. It's played out as if these are just crazy people, possibly being manipulated by someone who is using the coincidental timing of natural disasters to claim that there's an apocalypse when really it's just unrelated things happening at once and nobody needs to sacrifice. It really seems like the message is based on climate change denial because the "small sacrifice" they're being asked to make is a huge one - that one of the family members has to kill another, and it has to legitimately be murder or it doesn't count, and also because while a more competent movie would have a back and forth of whether the supernatural thing is real, this one meets every talking point about the apocalypse with an utter strawman-like shut down and dismissal. Rupert Grint's character turns out to have been a man who severely beat one of the two dads in a bar and spent some time in jail, so it seems like he's manipulating these people just so he can get away with murder by someone else's hand and get his petty revenge. Then it turns out at the end that once the murder happens, this was all legit! All of the world-ending events magically come to a screeching halt and are all solved at once, all around the world. Apparently this was a book first, which was passed over by every single other director because nobody thought it could be pulled off, and the book had a more ambiguous ending as to whether it was an actual apocalypse, as well as had an accidental murder instead of a purposeful sacrifice. I can't imagine that actually saving this concept because that would just "both sides" the climate change denial overtones. The movie, on the other hand, by practically confirming that the blood sacrifice is what saved the world shifts its political message from climate change denial to homophobia. They do have a line in the movie where Bautista's character is upset that it's a gay couple and assures them that it's nothing against them or their lifestyle, but that handwave doesn't change the message of the movie. When you have a religious theming and murdering part of a gay couple is what literally saves the world, it invokes the real life religious persecution of homosexuality. I've heard a great quote once that I can't find anywhere, but upon searching I think it was adapted from a Toni Morrison quote. The version I heard is "All art is political, and if you think yours isn't, then you didn't understand it." I've held that quote closely and think of it often while consuming media, but especially when creating it. I think this movie, and likely the book, suffer from the author either having an unpopular message or they suffer from the creator not understanding the message that the actual story portrays. Well, I mean, the movie suffers from stilted dialogue, bizarre character choices, and that thing where a character spells out what's going on in no uncertain terms, but it also suffers from its message and that's something that stains the work as a whole.

[@CusterDawg]

adding to this because it's important context wise, the book the film was based on had a very different story and tone. the book has the child die and it's not counted for a sacrifice by the cabin invaders, the couple refuse to sacrifice themselves if their daughter wasnt acceptable. and it ends very ambiguously. the events leading up to things in the book also are under more scrutiny than the film with no religious references either. when m night took on the film, he added the explicit religion and explicit ending. the book author wasn't even on the promotional material for the film, as well as the name being changed. id say this is clearly a case where the author's work and book were misappropriated for someone else's purposes. which is very common in films

[@ancient_bam]

Brave Little Toaster is my #1 favorite movie ever and I'm so glad people are keeping it alive

[@VlEWMONSTER]

this eps might be one of my faves! :-D enjoyed it very much!! agreed on how shitty old was, they just made a poorly made horror movie by saying "im old!! this beach made me wither away!!" its more laughable than screamable!

[@wingtub]

Hi view monster

[@teomodo8266]

i never thought i would hear storyland and santa's village talked about on my favorite podcast, you guys are the heroes of all those trapped in rural new hampshire

[@bluef00t86]

It's really funny to hear you listing every single theme park/attraction I've ever been to as "fun local flavor", as a MA person. Like Kevin says about King Richard's Faire, I just kind of assumed they were all household names as a kid and hadn't reevaluated that thought since.

[@Ramona15967]

Oh Canobie Lake Park my childhood park, god I haven't been to that park in 14 years, it's nice to hear someone else talk about that park.

[@JeraWizard]

Having just moved to Mass with no idea what cool and weird stuff to see: TY! listening later :D

[@JeraWizard]

It's very expensive for vendors to have a booth at a renfaire too. A lot of my friends are faire workers, and the pandemic hit them really hard. Most artisans scraped by during the hard times, but not all of them

[@quoth128]

Hey Kevin, your advice on making creativity more of an experiment/discovery thing was very inspiring. thank you!

[@praxibetelix1664]

THE EVIL GRIM REAPER HIMSELF 💀🪓

[@somecat225]

I'm talking a lot about Canobie Lake but I have so many pre-teen memories there. I was hoping Neil would mention the fact that the stage used to have these weird band and pop star impersonators. They had Justin Bieber and One Direction show. And there was this weird obsessions with Elvis and Michael Jackson? They had this whole show about "The Kings" which is like... okay, man. I remember when all the news about Michael Jackson came out, and the controversy. The giant fiberglass statue of Michael Jackson at the park entrance was removed and replaced with Lady Gaga. I don't know what they did with the Kings show. Sidenote, I mentioned Storyland, and it makes me think. They have these sorts of throwback nights (nostalgia nights?) where you can go up to Glenn and actually visit the park, having fun as an adult with other adults. As obsessed as I am with unsettling fiberglass statues, I would love to go, but alas I'm stuck at Emerson College with no car and no New England friends to go with. I'd love to hear if you guys could take a little field trip and report back! No pressure though, I know it's light years away. But man, that place is magic. Every single bit of it. The little theme tune, the insane Humpty Dumpty and wall, the old animatronics. If/When you guys get the chance, before it gets too cold, I totally recommend you all go. Just looked it up and it looks like they take place in summer? So, yk

[@PeaceLoveDisney]

I really appreciated this episode! I'm a little southern from New England (New Jersey over here) but I'm always looking for new fun theme parks and Halloween events to check out and a lot of these places are now added to my travel list.

[@daftmouth]

20:51 that was the forced cameo of m night shyamalan

[@frinkzippi]

thank you all so much for the creative advice, especially your different angles and takes on the matter. i also appreciate hearing my username get misread/misheard 😛

[@somecat225]

Man you gotta talk about Storyland too Edit: You did, thanks

[@somecat225]

and Witches' (Witch's?) Woods! Edit: You did! That's the Nashoba Valley Ski place

[@KevinJamesVideo]

I LOVE Witch's Woods!

[@somecat225]

@@KevinJamesVideo I gotta go back! Haven’t been since Covid, and before then I was kind of a scaredy-cat and didn’t go until like 2018 or 19

[@doggoking969]

Neil Cicierega

[@randomperson8304]

Kevin James

[@Kenz-the-oakes]

Ryan Murphy

[@christianw6102]

With Neil Ciciere

[@polarsprout]

And Kevin Jam

[@randomperson8304]

⁠​⁠​⁠​⁠​⁠​⁠Ryan Murp is here

[@hanamacquoid1427]

Y’all are sleeping on The Visit that movie is fun.

[@somecat225]

YO Sorry for commenting so much but I drove THREE HOURS up to FunSpot one day in August. It was JUST to play Road Blasters. It wasn't there. I might have asked to buy the poster but I had twenty bucks on me and had to drive three hours back.

[@JeraWizard]

I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!

[@YouBredRaptorsMusic]

Side note guys, Elise and i are going to be those people going to King Richard's in non-period correct outfits hahahaha. At the end of the day.... nobody there is REALLY period correct hahaha.

[@XxsalemkatxX]

NEW GUARANTEED AUDIO EPISODE YIPPEE :D

[@assblaster420]

yay

[@dysonsphereishere]

oh boy oh boy oh boy!!!

[@gabbyhogg9762]

What's Neil's Letterboxd username?

[@strawbconnie]

can't wait 2 watch 😛

[@YouBredRaptorsMusic]

The Hidden is great.

[@redgh]

OOOOO

[@randomperson8304]

AHH

[@djvibekiller]

You really did M. Night dirty in this episode, I disagree with almost everything said about Knock at the Cabin - I feel like "it's okay to murder gay people to save the world" is a big misread