Hastily Made Cleveland Tourism Video: 2nd Attempt

#!/mikepolkjr
So The Cleveland Board of Tourism was not happy with the first video that I turned in. In fact, they said that upon viewing it, three of the board members moved away.
They insisted that I turn in a proper Cleveland tourism video, otherwise they will pursue litigation.
So I was really planning on buckling down and giving it my all this time, but there was a "Rock of Love" marathon on VH1 last night that I didn't want to miss, so I cranked this video out in even less time than the first one. Roughly 35 minutes total.
Despite this, I'm rather pleased with how it turned out, and I think they will be too.
mikepolkjr.com

[@michaelwalker3935]

I tried to buy a house in Cleveland but I got mugged by the real estate agent.

[@jonathantan2469]

At least you only lost the $5 bucks you had to buy the house... 😆😆😆

[@luizsowek]

LMAO

[@jeremywoods770]

And now the real estate agent is squatting

[@theseproblemsmatter1]

LOL

[@michaelwalker3935]

@R G buy: to obtain in exchange for payment, monetary or otherwise. by: in proximity to; through the agency. What's you damage dude?

[@bepisthebenis5111]

Detroit: Become Cleveland

[@josh1200]

" I'm connor, the android sent by detroit."

[@rosytimes9456]

Josh perfection

[@kitsinthewebs222]

@@josh1200 28 DUIs!!!

[@DoomedRedbull]

Sooo...my brain said Detroit: become Cleveland Brown

[@HorseyWorsey]

Not bad, kid. Not bad.

[@Brione30]

The absolute greatest part is that this guy, Mike Polk Jr, is now a Cleveland newscaster. He now gets paid. To talk about Cleveland.

[@sephikong8323]

Well, at least he doesn't talk about Detroit

[@Omnibushido-]

@@TheUnists Has the search power of the worldwide web in the palm of his hand that could deliver the answer in less than two minutes: “for real?”

[@machirim2805]

Also fun fact: these videos were so viral that Cleveland’s own tourist board commissioned other videos to counter these spoof ones.

[@johnny1893]

@@TheUnists Are you a subhuman?

[@DG-kr8pt]

Should be fired for using the R word and joking about AIDs. Will look him up.

[@toadiejones]

I recently moved from Cleveland to Alberta, Canada. Was in a store making small talk with the cashier and mentioned I was new here. When he asked where from and I answered Cleveland, he immediately sang "AT LEAST WE'RE NOT DETROIT!" Well done, sir. Well done.

[@saya23445]

Omg I needed that laugh thank you lmao.

[@pieflinger42069]

WE'RE NOT DETROIT! 😂

[@Crashj7f67h]

Thats a big move

[@kylemoore1865]

I'm from Calgary. All i know about Cleveland is these videos and drew Carey

[@homerj.simpson7562]

That sounds absolutely hilarious! What do folks from Detroit do though?

[@blueluny]

i looked up east cleveland on streetview and nearly got robbed cos i didint move fast enough.

[@zacharywicklinemedia]

Google map gang banging is a real threat out there

[@xboxwhiz_yt7415]

I'm glad you did not get robbed

[@michaelbeary]

I couldn't click fast enough. I'm missing a bunch of stuff from my bedroom now.

[@sargentwaag1483]

I grew up in East Cleveland, good times. The house I grew up in sold last year for $11,000. You could not build a house like that now for less than $500k. Old wood, fancy molding, and wood floors.

[@blackturbine]

Poor lad that had to go and ride a car with milion dollar camera on it's roof

[@this_be_colin]

This video is a decade old and is still accurate.

[@underboundsans166]

Timeless

[@NobleS1236]

@Sho Tohara only because Detroit got so shitty that it couldn't get any worse.

[@AlphaPlace]

still Cleveland

[@dalaillama7049]

Well except for LeBron

[@Vegito_Blue132]

Facts

[@VV.E.S.T]

This video literally won my friend a Geography Bee. The final question for the win was "What North American City is famous for having a RIVER THAT WAS SO POLLUTED THAT IT CAUGHT ON FIRE?" . He hesitated for a second, but the look of amazement on his face when he remembered the song was priceless...

[@mardigrasmoment]

To be fair this also happened in Chicago occasionally. Animal fat from the slaughterhouses there

[@FancyUnicorn]

The correct answer is "Not Detroit!"

[@hikermrsblood1]

Lol

[@sortofanoakyafterbirth3661]

That's awesome 😂. Burn On by Randy Newman also a more famous song about the river.

[@relecor]

Which time it caught on fire?

[@samanthafields3576]

Update: Cleveland now has THREE buildings!

[@eriklakeland3857]

Do all the fish still have AIDS?

[@whytfdoesnooneloveme]

WOWZA! Development!

[@whytfdoesnooneloveme]

@@eriklakeland3857eh, it's HIV now.

[@NickiRusin]

HOLY SHIT

[@AliAling-qy1ih]

Of course. Do you think we don’t understand cultural heritage?

[@holyflutterofgod]

"Don't slow down in East Cleveland or you'll die" Kills me to this day.

[@samuelellis1316]

Kills you? You're not slowing down in east Cleveland, are you?

[@divert664]

Don’t go down Buckeye at night

[@tori9365]

Divert buckeye? Fuck buckeye.. Try _79th or 103rd Harvard.. Both are death valley

[@divert664]

+aka Amy It depends on which part of 79th.

[@daviddelaney2407]

I'm =from= there and I laughed. --Dave, yeah, white folks live there too

[@briannab.2330]

"our economy's based on Lebron James" just gets funnier the longer he hasn't played there

[@TheStarksRegards]

This comment is gonna age like fine wine

[@qstakkz]

It's actually pretty sad for Cleveland if you think about it

[@Eargesplitten-Loudenboomer]

The funniest thing was when he left for Miami how many people burnt his jersey. Then when he came back people had new ones.

[@GoyFromFinland]

@@Eargesplitten-Loudenboomer Some sports fans are dumb as hell.

[@dad7335]

The Browns are good now though

[@sarahlilley3544]

I showed this to my parents a while back (they grew up around cleveland). They agreed with everything in the video but said, and I quote, "it was only one time" about the river fire.

[@Wikkler]

Turns out it's been 14 times.

[@ttcc5273]

Show me a river that didn’t experiment with catching on fire at least once in college and I’ll show you a river that is not full of flammable chemicals

[@nickmartin123456]

That's even funnier because the Cuyahoga caught on fire many times over many decades.

[@Bubba1960.]

That used to be my favorite fishing spot.

[@ernestcruz6316]

​@@nickmartin123456In the words of Randy Newman, "the Cuyahoga River goes smoking through my dreams..."

[@bryangooden4298]

The extra "we're not Detroit" with the bird was the best part.

[@johnfoltz8183]

Or Gary Indiana or Harvey Illinois

[@momomazong]

SEE A RIVER THAT CATCHES ON FIRE! My uncle: " drops cigarette in. The river explodes! He just says: ooooo! A light show!

[@gr8fulfox488]

Due to the explosion of interest in vintage/obsolete tech, a VCR now costs more than a house in Cleveland.

[@kaikai9122]

True also sick pfp and name

[@wtf_is_this_handle_shit]

Sick, I can sell a bunch of VCRs and buy a house in Hell... I mean Cleveland

[@cptjagger5221]

them 4/6/8 head VCR's now a couple hunned buxz

[@maxcady9071]

2/14/68

[@gr8fulfox488]

@@maxcady9071 12/30/81

[@luciuscapricious683]

It's important to Cleveland's image that the cameraman zooms in on anyone they catch on video, as Cleveland has a population of approximately 25 people.

[@oldeenglishd45]

“Cleveland has 338 people...”

[@miloda_bess]

You aren’t off by very much. Used to be a booming town, then everyone left

[@chrissneed5685]

Yeah there's alot going on here now lol. My dudes single home just sold for 145,000. He paid 65 for it 10 years ago so it seems to be making a comeback. # LL Cool J 😂

[@myaalvarado3096]

The population was higher, but 20 are the ones that do the killing in east Cleveland. The remaining 5 live in the west portion

[@hideofreakingkojima5457]

@@miloda_bess "then everyone left" That's the joke

[@evstar2645]

“Under construction since 1868” can be applied for most if not all Midwest States

[@BoredVHSlover]

From Iowa, can confirm

[@ItsAsparageese]

Checks out in Colorado too. Thinking this might just be one of those things that every city thinks is a relatively unique trait but is actually universal across the USA, like JJ McCullough talked about in some videos

[@greg1474]

The construction drags on because they milk it for the state and Fed money to keep their jobs going.

[@tunina6421]

I think it depends on climate though. Northern states get all weather extremes, which means road cracking. We joke about it in Ohio, but Michigan and Pennsylvania both have it much worse

[@CalvinHikes]

Midwest? And here I was thinking of Cleveland as the East. Which it is.

[@jsomiller44]

I spent 6 months working in Cleveland. I got so little sun that I broke a bone in my foot simply walking. Went to the doctor and was diagnosed with vitamin D deficiency.

[@DecoyTwo-yv4tn]

Oh… oh my… I hope this is a joke… it can’t be THAT bad the lack of sun over there.

[@artescajeda835]

That is so horrible, that it must be true.

[@gayflower900]

“911, what’s your emergency?” “I’m in Cleveland, and-“ “Stay on the line, all units are on their way to assist you”

[@benjaminmontoya8160]

** no one shows up for 3 days. **

[@legolite45]

Sphee

[@usdjxavi]

No plz im blac

[@limbonlegs1662]

Then u get mugged by the 911 call center

[@HiAdrian]

“911, what’s your emergency?” “I’m in Cleveland” “*click*” “Hello?”

[@jg-7780]

“At least we’re not Detroit” hey that’s Baltimore’s slogan too!

[@thisismagacountry1318]

Get me a $20 bag down on The Block.

[@bmoreriseup6130]

Baltimore is probably worse now

[@floridajake58]

Baltimore's slogan should be "At least we're not DC"

[@nate-alitysports3030]

Detroit's slogan should be "we're not Jackson "(mississippi)

[@Saad-ju8sb]

Bmore’s gettin there just you wait

[@emilyofjane]

You can tell this was made by a native Ohioan because our perpetual construction was the first thing they mentioned

[@eyeseer1]

If they didn’t rebuild Cleveland it’d be a ghost town.

[@emilyofjane]

@@eyeseer1 Part of it is already a Scooby Doo ghost town, didn’t you listen

[@ThePaintballerforlif]

I swear at this point the traffic barrels are to just tell us how to stay in the lanes.

[@s29nv1sr1]

i'm moving to Cleveland for college in like a month, this video couldn't have been recommended to me at a more appropriate time

[@jennifersesko3034]

I moved there from Florida to go to college and had a great time. Plus I was so excited to see the snow 🤣.

[@s29nv1sr1]

@@jennifersesko3034 haha lmao I've been in Cleveland now for about a month-ish, honestly not as bad as I was expecting though their lakefront is kinda disappointing. The snow is definitely old hat for me though, I'm from Chicago lmao, but I'm glad you were excited!

[@SteveRoman66]

Chicago has a better lakefront, but its so much easier/less stress living in Cleveland. The more west you can go, the better. Stay out of East Cleveland and you'll be fine. West suburbs get 1/3 snow of eastside. Hardly any snow this year.

[@magyk5740]

CWRU?

[@michaelframe5877]

Our main export is *c r i p p l i n g d e p p r e s i o n*

[@vurhn2009]

Ok

[@porkfreegaming5278]

So that’s where idubbez gets his stuff

[@idk-ve9ss]

mother66 he just typed it the way it sounds in the video, lighten up

[@sovietunion7643]

so that's where god bought it when he gave it to me for christmas

[@jam_plays_games]

Hey in our society now that’s a goldmine industry

[@yungflipflop]

“Our economy’s based on Lebron James” *lebron leaves Cleveland* Ohshitohshitohshit

[@lostsnowman127]

They just need to export more crippling depression. Get a kick-back from Big Pharma

[@brandonlarimore5223]

Their main export at this point IS Lebron James

[@SpiffoGaming]

Buy a house for the price of a vcr

[@pottytheparrot310]

yungflipflop Look on the bright side. At least you’re not Detroit.

[@thrashmusician035]

*Baker Mayfield has entered the chat*

[@sbinadero]

I asked my teacher (who is from Cleveland) if she knew about this video. To which she replied, “At least we’re not Detroit.”

[@STEEZY_TREV16]

Leave an apple on her desk lol

[@eyeseer1]

Detroit sez “At least we’re not Gary, Indiana.”

[@Marvelfanatic3658]

​@@STEEZY_TREV16ok

[@12packersfan]

On Inside the NBA the segment discussing the Cavs was called “Fun Times in Cleveland Today.” Thirteen years later this video is still evolving💪

[@Numptaloid]

they have those?

[@snowdaysrule]

Guy on the bike here. For your information I do not have 2 DUI's. I actually have 3.

[@jonparker8795]

Pump those numbers up! We believe in you bike guy!

[@Artuistic1011]

guy riding on bike: I HAVE 3 DUIS !!! guy in corner: pathetic guy riding on bike: WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME PUNK? guy in corner with 30 duis: PATHETIC

[@lestatangel]

snowdaysrule2 - yeah 😎

[@KA-vs7nl]

mr. medkits pathetic*

[@Reitz86]

snowdaysrule2 good hat trick

[@martymcfly2857]

>lose championship >riot >win championship >riot

[@kevins8260]

Exactly. Cleveland IS pretty damn retarded

[@BrutalGoerge]

What riot? I'll go ahead and answer that for you, THERE WAS NO FRIGGIN RIOT

[@mourningformorning]

You mean LA?

[@krownsilver]

+Notch Also, I don't know how Cleveland can hate Detroit when Detroit's Own Dan Gilbert help Cleveland end their drought.

[@ReactAsyIum]

Wut riot m8?

[@NCTStudio]

“Last looked like a Scooby-Doo ghost town” absolutely floored me 😂😂

[@lebowski6264]

its “Flats look like a scooby doo ghost town” the Flats are a part of the city.

[@galensexton6060]

Had to bust this out again on my trip to Cleveland to see the eclipse. Thankfully, that was one of the three days a year of sunlight.

[@stephgreen3070]

Everyone warned me not to try to see the eclipse in Cleveland because of the clouds so we went about 50miles west lol Glad to hear you got to see it there!

[@Abandoned_Brane]

as a person who grew up in cleveland, i miss it. half the people are super friendly, the other half will shoot you for fun. only in the leg though, we call them 'legwarmers'.

[@apexpredator40]

Shoot them back

[@lucabrandalesi1265]

I'm having a hard time both believing this is real and believing someone could make this up

[@loopyloon5401]

@@lucabrandalesi1265 You're right, clearly Cleveland's just a myth.

[@herocat076]

I wanna go back to Cleveland but I don't at the same time

[@miloda_bess]

@@herocat076 honestly, do travel to Cleveland. It is a pretty nice place besides East Cleveland. If for nothing else than travel to the little Italy by it. That is where my grandfather grew up. (1930s)

[@benedekhorvath7191]

As someone from Eastern Europe, I'm sure I'd feel right at home

[@KapitanPisoar1]

Eastern Europe doesnt get anywhere near this level of gun violence...

[@V.o.i.d.v]

@@KapitanPisoar1 Why could that be? I can't imagine.

[@KapitanPisoar1]

@@V.o.i.d.v Lack of diversity and afroamericans, lot of legally owned firearms among the people...

[@ra6153]

@@KapitanPisoar1 wow

[@davebruneau6068]

@VeckAlt LMMFAO

[@DerpASherpa117]

Maybe it's because I moved there from South Florida, but I really enjoyed and was pleasantly surprised by Cleveland when I lived there for 2.5 years. The Rock n Roll Hall of Fame is cool as are the Flats (which have since been renovated) and nearby Cedar Point. Ironically enough, I moved from Cleveland to Detroit and I can confirm that Detroit is, in fact, Detroit.

[@tbird1991]

Cedar Point is splendid. Though it's as much Toledo's as it is Cleveland's.

[@haaa911]

I did the opposite I moved from just outside Cleveland (was about a 20 minute drive, I went to Cleveland pretty often) to South Florida. I really liked Cleveland but that might’ve just been because I was a dumb kid lol. Best part of Cleveland was probably going to cavs games with LeBron back in the day

[@EllaJameson]

This video has been living rent free in my head for over 10 years. I use the musical phrase "It could be worse though, at least we're not ____! We're Not ____!" at least once a month.

[@chickenplague730]

I'm from Cleveland and how do I set this as my ring tone

[@raccoonrocket4205]

i dont know but i want it to

[@kverly31]

What type of phone do you have

[@raccoonrocket4205]

Samsung galaxy s5

[@synthvvavve191]

@@raccoonrocket4205 Google KZbin video downloader, save it to your phone and make it a ringtone :)

[@raccoonrocket4205]

Thanks!!

[@jumpingpeppers2263]

I just noticed the empty colt 45 by the dead fish.

[@silviathesylveon9866]

I thought you meant a gun but then I saw the beer can and laughed

[@tydshiin5783]

@@silviathesylveon9866 same lmfao

[@lonesomewendigo]

@@silviathesylveon9866 bruh moment

[@bandtheseriesofficial5782]

Same lol

[@jackobora3193]

Works every time

[@Fraccy]

I've been more motivated to go to Cleveland by this video than any actual tourist video would 💀💀💀💀

[@sourdrop]

It's that same feeling you get when you rubber-neck to try and get a better view of a car crash

[@creaturesfromelsewhere203]

I once sent this video to a nice elderly couple from Cleveland and they never spoke to me again.

[@wisnuyogapraditya6108]

I googled Detroit, and i lost my phone, my wallet and my shoes

[@shantellakaladypersephone8671]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@PadreMortalis]

Can't have shit in Detroit

[@malmalfactor3544]

@@PadreMortalis I was gonna do the same if I didn't see anyone else say that.

[@THERobertL2000]

😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@sajateacher]

Just listen to a country song backwards, you’ll get it back.

[@cherrypepsi2815]

August 2023 update (from a resident near Cleveland): -The Cleveland Clinic is still somehow the second best hospital in the US -They're still the Indians, no matter what their new "real" name is -Ohio is still somehow the 7th largest economy in the U.S. -This is still entirely accurate -Flannery's is back open, baby!!! -Channel 19 News fell off hard, and nobody watches them anymore, lmao -Detroit is still worse

[@princejaxisblack8789]

Detroits crime and poverty rate is actually dropping because people are leaving, so yeah change it to "Atleast were not Venezuela" or sum

[@cherrypepsi2815]

@@princejaxisblack8789 lol

[@doyoumakeittotheclouddistr4132]

Baker is worthless....

[@cherrypepsi2815]

@@doyoumakeittotheclouddistr4132 bruh you dumb or just slow

[@hollin220]

WE’RE NOT DETROIT!

[@hyun-shik7327]

Sooner or later this video is going to be more famous than the city itself if it isn’t already.

[@Freak_Among_Men_Again]

Fr as an Australian I had never heard of Cleveland until I saw this video.

[@naughtymelon6712]

For the longest time, I thought the line about the river that catches fire was a joke and was just supposed to be a jab on how polluted it was. Until I looked it up. Turns out, the Cuyahoga river actually caught fire on MULTIPLE OCCASIONS, causing millions in damages, due to the accumulation of years of oil building up. Amazing.

[@johnpearson492]

Not only did it actually happen multiple times, but those events are the actual genesis of the creation of the EPA.

[@texaswunderkind]

@@johnpearson492 Keep that in mind the next time some "pro-jobs" politician wants to end government regulation of industry. What they really mean is going back to the days of burning rivers so the billionaire class, Saudi royal family, and Russian oligarchs can get rich while poor people live in a toxic nightmare.

[@jstealth89]

Been living in Cleveland for 4 years now. This is too fucking accurate.

[@kevanjackson8000]

damn.... That sucks at least your not Detroit

[@blamecanada8525]

Nosferatu Zodd ALL your fish have AIDS?

[@abelinkenn9849]

+Nosferatu Zodd LOL!!!!!!!!

[@jstealth89]

***** You know it kind of feels that way in winter! In all honesty it's bad but it could be worse. At least I live a decent distance from downtown.

[@Niko-rt3wi]

this video makes me want to go there

[@skte2die]

McDonald’s “I’m lovin’ it.” Burger King “Have it your way.” Cleveland “We’re not Detroit.”

[@IndyHasSpoken]

Miami: "Cuba but it's America."

[@johnmendoza2165]

Hotel: "Trivago."

[@jodisamma96]

241st like

[@synthvvavve191]

Detroit "At least we're not Chicago!"

[@sithking376]

Trinidad and Tobago Side by Side we stand

[@hunterbless6466]

So this is where Elden Ring takes place

[@phoneyphil5663]

Fun times in Caelid, again! Still Caelid!

[@FoxyMachiko]

Mfs wondering why Ohio is a suddenly a meme not realizing this video has existed for 13 years and explains everything 💀

[@deletdis6173]

Ong

[@ladysilverwynde]

Ikr.

[@XevenYT143]

Tennessee Williams said this about Ohio: “America has only three cities: New York, San Francisco, and New Orleans. Everywhere else is Cleveland.” 😂😂😂

[@soulassassin0g]

Ohio has always been a meme since 1868.

[@cbtillery135]

@@XevenYT143 Knowing him and having read one of his books for English class as a sophomore, that sounds exactly like something he would say.

[@NewbyTon]

I only get my crippling depression from the best sources like Cleveland

[@mynamehasspacesinit8687]

They say iDubbbz has a higher grade of crippling depression.

[@kentucky1519]

Hush the depression enforcement is going to get us all busted if you keep mentioning our dealer online (no I'm not actually depressed )

[@kentucky1519]

I wish that good Cleveland crippling depresh was legal

[@amateurseasons9381]

Keepin' it Local

[@Geno2733]

Only the *best* will do.

[@r0cketplumber]

"First prize, a week in Cleveland. Second prize, two weeks in Cleveland."

[@noneed4sleep64]

That sounds like a Norm Macdonald joke

[@rezandrarizkyirianto-1933]

3rd prize: ETERNAL CITIZENSHIP

[@r0cketplumber]

@@rezandrarizkyirianto-1933 Oh, please, no, both my parents were refugees from Cleveland.

[@myczxr]

inspiring

[@coloradoraptorguy9250]

Especially if you work for Progressive insurance 😆

[@TravelingAnvil]

14 Years and still doing work.

[@Toarcade]

I've never been to Cleveland nor do I have any opinion about Cleveland, but this video is an evergreen favourite I just keep coming back to.

[@brandonb1631]

i live in detroit, and can confirm that cleveland is being over dramatic. you say christmas, my neighbors say "armed robbery"

[@nikkinicole4990]

Nah my mom is a teacher in a really good part of Cleveland and one of her kids put a kid in a coma with a fucking pencil, there is chunks of weave lining the hallways, there’s a shrine to shrek in one of the janitors closets, all the doors have deadbolts on them, and they go on lockdown twice a month 😂😂😂

[@saikashima282]

@@nikkinicole4990 How is the shrek shine a bad thing?

[@nikkinicole4990]

wolfcreeper101 it’s not a bad thing it’s just weird because theirs a creepy shrek doll in there

[@roguishpaladin]

@83rdox Thumbs down for 1.Using gay as an insult in 2019 2.Not realizing that this is a joke.

[@SagsMcSaggerson]

@@nikkinicole4990 Put a kid in a coma with a pencil? Does John Wick go to school there?

[@markman278]

Gotta love how he made sure to use the worst, overcast day lighting to add to the dilapidation of the town. Just gives it that horrible town vibe.

[@magyk5740]

That’s actually the nicest day of the year for Cleveland

[@joarroyo6737]

That's Cleveland beach weather my man

[@skateraptor12]

Thats how it usually looks😂

[@jellybelly111]

wtf you mean. it literally looks like that almost everyday

[@riahtaughtyou]

Truly nailed it

[@CrossCuber]

I thought the “see the sun almost 3 times a year” was an exaggeration until I moved to the Midwest for college, wow we really do only see the sun 3 times a year

[@toiletpaper7864]

This video lives in my head rent free😭

[@SpoobyDoo]

“Our economy is based off LeBron James” Well, I guess your economy is screwed now

[@williamkim5960]

Implying that Cleveland's economy wasn't already screwed

[@redsunflowers564]

Our main export is crippling depression.

[@alecsander4565]

dankglonk, it has officially entered recession mode, soon full depression :/

[@jasonchilado]

dankglonk twice

[@sadiepoe1175]

Nah now we use a mythical Greek god so we good

[@Zorichai]

I thought the “buy a house for the price of a VCR” line was an exaggeration and then I looked up real estate in Cleveland... holy shit!

[@rteyuertutwtryhwhuwtghswxz5890]

Yeah, I'd rather buy the VCR. Much more bang for the buck 🤣

[@LembeckIsStaying]

@@rteyuertutwtryhwhuwtghswxz5890 Oh you'll get a bang alright...🔫

[@gilbert4394]

Shhhh don’t blow it up 🤫

[@largol33t1]

Same in Detroit. Some houses there are HALF the cost of real estate TAXES on a 2 bedroom house in overpriced Texas!!

[@voycodin5042]

Don’t get it twisted. Some Cleveland suburbs are very wealthy and extremely well off. Real estate in those suburbs is just nasty expensive, such as Rocky River, Lakewood...

[@JackColeroSr.]

"Buy a house for a price of a VCR" good times

[@keegandecker4080]

Meanwhile in Detroit: “At least we’re not Cleveland!”

[@Falloutplayer99]

Detroit: At least we're not Juarez Mexico

[@IkaGamma]

I am now convinced this is what we showed to Amazon to try and get them to come here.

[@offwhitejayR2E]

Gammalad lmao exactly

[@jakob7722]

Whatever we did, it succeeded, I don’t know how.

[@cmiller9800]

It worked for the RNC a couple years ago too

[@lukeadamek685]

oof.. im from seattle

[@jonathantan2469]

Must be the hipsters working at Amazon. "Like Cleveland's gonna be the new Brooklyn mannn..."

[@Wawagirl17]

"Its so polluted that all our fish have AIDS." I was smiling the whole time, but that's where I fucking lost it.

[@cheekunt8389]

Wawagirl17 The thing is... I've been there.... More than two times... All of those pictures ARE from Cleveland. People there really live like that.

[@sarahengel6531]

Ya live here used to live in Dearborn mi. Oh god I love n hate this place the same. But thank GOD WERE NOT DETROIT! HAHA

[@stewlittle13]

Sarah Engel You're in Dearborn, you still border the city. You're still a Detroit suburb. Most inner ring Detroit suburbs resemble the still-stable parts of Detroit city limits. At least we're not Ohio. Hell, I'm not even from Detroit & I'm defending the place. I'm from the west side of the state (Grand Rapids, MI).

[@chaddnelson8939]

+Wawagirl17 "Don't slow down in East Cleveland or you'll die!" :D

[@chaddnelson8939]

***** For shits and giggles, I looked up the actual price of a house in Cleveland, here are my results; $3,950 for a two story, 3 bedroom home. A teenager working at McDonald's could pay that off in a year.

[@danielwestphal6941]

This ad has given me depression. I'm moving to Cleveland

[@loriswank8033]

Lyrics~ Fun times in Cleveland again! (Still Cleveland) Come on down to Cleveland town everyone! Under construction since 1868! See our river that catches on fire! We’re so polluted that all our fish have AIDS. We see the sun almost three times a year! This guys has at least two DUIs! Our flats look like a Scooby Doo ghost town! Don’t slow down in east Cleveland or you’ll die! Our economy’s based on LeBron James! Buy a house for the price of a VCR! Our Maine export is crippling depression. We’re so retarded that we think this is art! It could be worse though at least we’re not Detroit! 😇

[@Finlandball39]

“We’re not Detroit!”

[@toganium4175]

“Buy a house for the price of a VCR.” Welp, I’m sold. Who needs to go outside, anyways?

[@celestepalm6949]

Man, where can you actually _find_ a VCR nowadays outside of Goodwill?

[@mrgone658]

Watsa VCR? 🤔

[@adamcommercial3133]

Exactly.

[@celestepalm6949]

@animationeer Good suggestions. Interesting 8-point star avatar you've got there. What does it mean for you?

[@celestepalm6949]

@animationeer Cool. Glad to hear the Quakers are still going strong. Don't know if you're still into animation. Did you try checking out any of the studios that do Christian animation?

[@Torraduke]

I'm going to Cleveland later this year. I'm so excited to see both of its buildings and that river that catches on fire!

[@ihurricane7]

It happened ONE TIME

[@htxflow]

@@ihurricane7 too many

[@peach9643]

Torraduke why are you coming here 💀💀

[@maxamillianmiles9382]

@@ihurricane7 only once huh

[@DC-pp6mb]

Just remember don't slow down in east cleavland or you'll die

[@dx1450]

That last part really made me LOL. If there's one thing Cleveland can be proud of, is that it's not Detroit.

[@jaywhangmakes]

0:11 That didn't age well

[@notveryniceatall]

Do you losers have anything else to do besides spamming this comment every time something happens in real life?

[@dillonsnyder1172]

I've been through Cleveland a few times during travel. I remember one greyhound employee informing us not to leave the station on foot, or "we would get robbed." Call a taxi, get an uber. She was a very loud black woman, and I believed her.

[@markrichards6863]

You don't see that in the brochures.

[@eyescreamcake]

The Ubers don't rob you?

[@dillonsnyder1172]

@@eyescreamcake I've never had a serious problem with an uber driver.

[@expansivegymnast1020]

She was telling the truth.

[@Eargesplitten-Loudenboomer]

Depends where it stopped. I believe it.

[@posato1488]

We actually see the sun once every 5 years, not 3 times a year.

[@EthanSchmethan]

And 9 months out of the year is a snow covered moonscape.

[@homer4635]

I went to Cleveland in August 2013 and it was sunny.

[@83HondaPrelude]

Posato I thought it was every 10 years. Also nice AOT pfp

[@brinkstan5465]

Wow great to see ya here

[@mikephillips1043]

As someone with a huge vitamin D deficiency living in cleveland is dangerous as shit I have to take pills that are high grade as shit so it doesnt fall into single digits and kill my kidney... still love cleveland

[@edwardwinkowski9263]

I had a crack head cousin buy a house for 5K off of Lorain on the west side. Good times😅. That was back in the early 2000’s. Probably worth 2K now..

[@Belleplainer]

Nearly 15 years later and, honestly, Detroit probably looking better vis-a-vis Cleveland now.

[@davidnissim589]

“At least we’re not Detroit!” is also the slogan for Philadelphia, Baltimore, Oakland, and Newark.

[@chicagoakland]

Actually, Oakland's is "We're Not Stockton!"

[@martyslazenger7105]

Philly is gentrifying like you wouldn't believe

[@mattcrosby2310]

Newark's slogan is actually, "Rebellion, not riot."

[@koraegi]

Newark has metal bars on their mcdonalds counters lmao

[@mattcrosby2310]

@@koraegi no they don't. They have ballistic glass.

[@chairmen1873]

My dad grew up right outside of Cleveland and said whenever he had to drive through East Cleveland he and his friends wouldn’t stop for literally anything

[@churchoftheholymess]

funny enough I once had to transfer buses around 1AM in East Cleveland. As it turned out, nobody messed with me because they figured I had to be psychotic to be there at all, let alone at that time of night.

[@trashstorage1468]

According to the urban legends, cars that run out of gas in East Cleveland miraculously keep driving until they are far far away. Nah that’s just some weird shit that sounded funny in my head

[@dntskdnttll]

@@churchoftheholymess Are you a tall man who’s physically fit and good at acting unapproachable?

[@DimT670]

@@dntskdnttll im pretty sure those get robbed all the same. A knife or a gun wont care how tall or buff you are or what you have between your legs i assure you

[@ahhbobsaget25]

I watch this a couple times a year since it was put out. I love this

[@Note305]

This video is old but I'm still getting recommendations from this video and I love it!

[@hagridsdisappointingson769]

"This guy has at least two dui's." That line gets me for 2 reasons cause either he knows that dude personally or he makes the assumption that he's only riding a bike because he can't drive his car anymore.

[@robertcarldecker]

I’d say it’s both!

[@actorwilliamhenryscott]

This is actually one of the rare instances where explaining the joke made it better lol

[@b-chroniumproductions3177]

That assumption is fair to make, it's Cleveland, everybody has to drive the (somehow) most depressing automobile they can find

[@vladrosca6003]

I assumed he got the dui's WHILE riding the bike

[@KidCorporate]

Well, there's two types of cyclists, those who ride bikes because they want to, and those that ride them because they have to.

[@KiraTurnerSnowkitty24]

im going to cry this is literally my entire visit to cleveland

[@anarchistfox]

hello

[@TheKardiacKid]

+MrOrthogonalization LOL. I've travelled there as a tourist from the UK. TWICE! A pretty good destination if you know where to look.

[@WasteYuteeee]

+TheKardiacKid there are so many better places to visit in the US, why would anybody go to Cleveland?

[@jasondyrkacz8270]

+WasteYuteeee Even downtown Chicago isn't that bad. West and south sides of Chicago is what you want to avoid.

[@teds9896]

+WasteYuteeee  Several Reasons: www.nytimes.com/interactive/2015/01/11/travel/52-places-to-go-in-2015.html www.travelandleisure.com/slideshows/best-places-to-travel-in-2015/22 www.fodors.com/news/photos/fodors-go-list-2015 www.latimes.com/travel/la-tr-d-15-destinations-20141228-story.html

[@gilwood7530]

Everytime I need to see this it somehow pops up ! LOVE IT ! And I'm from Philly !

[@a.s.raiyan2003-4]

Cleveland's economy is actually based on the revenue from this video.

[@ihavenoideawhatimdoing500]

Cleveland- “At least we’re not Detroit” Detroit- “At least we’re not Cleveland”

[@bigboineptune9567]

Nowadays Detroit is probably better than Cleveland.

[@amber4sw]

Big Boi Neptune easily

[@gearbox1858]

Both are absolute shit holes

[@brendonhalverson5178]

Shawn Allen but Detroit got to the point where it was so shitty it couldn’t get any shittier (like the murder rate literally went down due to the decreased population density), so it’s actually improving now.

[@rontayan]

Yeah Detroit has some economic activity, and it's across the river from Canada. I mean Cleveland has what going on now?

[@eccentricgamer4111]

Q: Why do birds fly over Cleveland upside down? A: There’s nothing left in Cleveland worth crapping on!

[@badbabyfitz3715]

Was the from cool runnings ??

[@tobiasvosh3878]

I believe it was from the blockbuster mega hit The Air Up There staring Kevin Bacon.

[@wyleeelpuppo4868]

Why wouldn't they just fly normal and not shit?

[@crocodileguy4319]

@@wyleeelpuppo4868 Because they're FUCKIN birds Jimmy!

[@windtalkerslai4055]

Because they are all falling down and dying from the pollution!

[@boisvert45]

Eh this convinced me. I'm moving to Cleveland baby!

[@rickrolld1367]

"Where are you from?" Person 1: Vladivostok, Russia. It's pretty depressing. The sun barely ever comes out. We fought for food every day. Wolves would occasionally roam the streets, looking for food. The coal blackened our lungs. To this day, I still have problems breathing thanks to the charcoal air. I thank God I didn't get cancer. "How about you?" Person 2: A rural village in India. Every morning we would wake up at 5am to walk a mile to a nearby river, to gather water, wash our clothes and ourselves. We would then walk back under the scorching heat. By the time we made it back, some of the water would have evaporated from the heat. We would spend hours upon hours toiling in the field. We tried to help those who got sick or hurt, but most who got sick died, and those who got hurt couldn't work for weeks on end "And you?" Person 3: I lived in Cleveland "Holy shit, what the fuck?" Person 1: How are you still alive?! Person 2: Knowing I wasn't living in Cleveland is what kept me going through rough days! Person 3: Every day, I woke up to the smell of opioids in the air. Everyone was shooting drugs up their arm. Down every alleyway there was at least 3 people taking drugs. Those were on sunny days. On every other day however... *Silence* Person 3: Anyways, the streets were always in shambles. Broken up, garbage everywhere. It wasn't unusual to see garbage piles, and the rivers were full of the most putrid pollution. The school I went to was severely underfunded. At school, kids fought over food, water and clothes. If you weren't in a gang, you were probably already dead. I barely ever got to wash my clothes. Even if the water was running, it was usually dirty, so everyone smelt like shit. It wasn't strange to see most of the class missing. It was a miracle if 2 thirds were in. They were usually out to help their parents, who were on drugs. I myself, was beaten persistently by my drunken father, while my mother was too high on cannabis to care. Everywhere was not safe for me. In my home, my father beated me. At school, kids tried to rob my things. In the areas between, robbers and murderers lurked. It was a living nightmare I was forced to live for over 16 years. I only escaped it when some visitor dropped a train ticket to New York. I took it, grabbed what little I had, and fled to the train station.

[@qiv2725]

You need an award for this

[@Vicioussnakeboy]

This needs to be a movie

[@arijitpalit2756]

Coincidentally, I am reading this comment at a village in India 💀.

[@451asians]

Detroit We're Not Syria

[@zephynum]

Detroit At least we are not Brazil

[@ark.galvin2474]

451asians Syria We're not Venezuela

[@jerryseinfeld1988]

Syria We're not Westeros

[@brinkstan5465]

Syria We're not central Africa

[@zephynum]

Central Africa At least we are not Pakistan

[@RiseOfTheKumquat67]

"Come see our river that catches on fire" is such a chaotic line, both on paper and in how its delivered

[@logans6619]

The Cuyahoga river has caught on fire several times, most recently in 1969. Yeah

[@dalepeto9620]

I never saw it catch fire, but I did see a "abandoned" bathtub floating in it.

[@manformerlypigbukkit]

@@dalepeto9620it’s trying to escape Cleveland

[@theekklesiaoftheinnermind9314]

Well I'll be on the lookout for an inhabited bathtub floating down the river then.

[@cp1cupcake]

Burning River is the name of a local beer.

[@mr.sand7899]

This video lives in my head rent free.

[@LeifgoesLive]

I got a job offer in cleveland. after watching this I declined it

[@dirtydann23]

Id rather get ran over than spend 5 minutes in Cleveland.

[@Utonian21]

Cleveland and Detroit are no bueno

[@fetusqueen8589]

+NegroMagnus you'd probably get ran over if you spent 5 minutes in Cleveland anyways

[@dirtydann23]

cancercraft make a superbowl.

[@thefabulousgreenbean2194]

I grew up outside of Cleveland..northeastern OH, it's actually beautiful there.

[@zjreviews4288]

As shown by this final frame of a seagull, the difference between Cleveland and Detroit is that the Cleveland Metropolitan Area is still habitable.

[@daneslord]

I live in midtown detroit. I would take umbrage with that remark, except for the fact that it's pretty true.

[@mariasargeant7513]

Ooooof

[@matthewsmith1779]

Nah, I've been to both cities. Cleveland is America's shit hole. If we're talking about the metropolitan areas, it's not even close. Some houses look like castles in metro Detroit. There's a lot of old money in Metro Detroit. You'd think you were in a movie with how nice it looks.

[@jenmha]

Extremely true. I DoorDash to those houses and they tip like shit.

[@johnepants]

@@matthewsmith1779 haunted castles maybe

[@patriciasimons1873]

I love the line about the VCR.

[@LittleLulubee]

I love the emphasis at the end 👍🤣🤣😆

[@justmaxproductions]

This video is so old it managed to last through LeBron's entire Miami career, second stint in Cleveland, and now him in LA

[@iangallagher4135]

And took up 11 years of the browns playoff drought

[@steelvenom330]

It even lasted through part of his first stint in Cleveland

[@kja6336]

@@iangallagher4135 Bakerland finally picking up after the Browns made the playoffs

[@carptone2056]

I grew up in Cleveland and hated it most of my life, this is incredibly accurate, and yet this video still made me homesick

[@Mamaluigi13]

Same

[@pisscvre69]

Stockholm syndrome for detrioit

[@helloworldOuO]

Stockholm syndrome is a theorized condition in which hostages develop a psychological bond with their captors during captivity.[1][2] It is supposed to result from a rather specific set of circumstances, namely the power imbalances contained in hostage-taking, kidnapping, and abusive relationships. Therefore, it is difficult to find a large number of people who experience Stockholm syndrome to conduct studies with any sort of power. This makes it hard to determine trends in the development and effects of the condition-[3] and, in fact, it is a "contested illness" due to doubt about the legitimacy of the condition.[4]

[@penguinusrex]

@@helloworldOuO I can't tell you how delighted I was to open the replies and see this. Well played.

[@helloworldOuO]

@@penguinusrex Thanks lmao

[@Asilee]

Once again, this song got stuck in my head and once again, I've returned.

[@brookekennedy2763]

i will always come back to this video 😌

[@jadam4036]

"Don't slow down in East Cleveland or you'll die" I live in East Cleveland and this is perfectly accurate 9 years later

[@penand_paper6661]

That's too bad.

[@yoshimanrpg]

I live North of it and it’s so accurate. Drivers literally go 10 MPH over the speed limit to the point where I move with the flow of traffic going 40 in a 35

[@beardymcj2026]

I'd comment, but since you probably slowed down at some point since posting that, what's the point? R.I.P.

[@Marylandbrony]

Now that LeBron James has left, Will Cleveland effectively stop existing?

[@chrisjt86]

Its economy probably will.

[@James-tp4nc]

still better than detroit

[@gerardorodruiguez5928]

J No, at least Detroit knows its place Cleavland is a sad has been.

[@James-tp4nc]

Gerardo Rodruiguez, that's you who is the sad has been.

[@gerardorodruiguez5928]

J Deez nuts on your chin is who is the sad has been.

[@lukelee5385]

As someone who lives a few hours from Cleveland and never even considered visiting, this video actually made me want to have a look. So good job I guess?

[@mr.cschaosworkshop4100]

I remember when I was in elementary school and showed this exact video to my friends in about 4th grade or so, and we all had laughed about it for a few weeks when we’d just bring it up randomly. Being a senior in high school now, it absolutely made my day to get it randomly recommended again. Gotta love the KZbin algorithm!

[@LobsterPuncher]

Oh wow, this is so weird. I was just trying to think of a vacation spot where I could get crippling depression and possibly aids from eating the local fish. KZbin algorithms are creepy.

[@Bhatt_Hole]

Yer mum is creepy.

[@shantellakaladypersephone8671]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@keyboundDragon]

Can I just say I love your username

[@CPrime-sl9dj]

Why would you come to Ohio for vacation? LOL! Everything is corn here, not much to see

[@maxi-me]

It knows you're afraid

[@LxstCxnnection]

“Our main export is crippling depression.” Best like ever.

[@dalepeto9620]

The main export is NOT depression. The main export is Toxic Sewage Sludge, ( that's chemical waste mixed with sewage ) which is sold to the canadians, then they mix it with tar sands oil and sell it to the Chinese as a combination fuel and fertilizer.

[@t-max7261]

@@dalepeto9620 You say that like it's a bad thing...

[@Fatherkol]

Spell check

[@dalepeto9620]

@@t-max7261 Not at all !! When life gives you lemons...

[@skipthefox4858]

@@dalepeto9620 you make lemonade!

[@slesh9752]

Got the urge to watch this Cleveland Tourism Series again after years. Still funny!

[@HardReset_YT]

I live a mile from Detroit and this makes me smile.

[@mikeorourke8699]

I think the whole internet is waiting for the "Detroit tourism video" - get the band back together!

[@Zedkiller1101]

Yeah, but I think his camera got stole

[@repulsethemonkey1396]

He slowed down in East Cleveland

[@bloodstoneore4630]

He did it

[@XgoldyTheGreat]

It's too cold in the 'D' to make any videos.

[@FartInYourFace234]

@Unkwon Malaysian Guy key words are walk around