"He expected me to clean up after him. And it gets worse."

[@admirablemuskrat]

Hey, there. I'm the woman in this story. Seeing a lot of support in these comments, but a lot of criticisms, too, and some shit talking... so, lemme clear a few things up. 1. I am disabled. Unable to work. Was, at the time, unable to drive. That was a huge part of the reason why i moved out there in the first place, was for my health... It was already agreed upon that I'd live there, and the plans were already in place, when it was decided my brother had to live there, too. 2. Those of you saying I should've just moved back in with my folks when he got bad... F to the no, to the absolutely not. They were horrifically abusive. They straight up almost killed me on more than one occasion, whether through violence or neglect. Even though I still had to rely on them for rides and help, because i physically couldn't drive at the time, it was better than being under the same roof as them. Also, you really think me moving back in wouldn't mean him ALSO being kicked out and moving back in with them? How would that have improved anything? Would've made things way worse, actually. 3. Why didn't I just move in with a friend? I had no friends. I was raised in a cult. No, that is not hyperbole. Yes, I mean an actual, literal, homeschool, middle of nowhere, religious zealot CULT. I was not allowed to form real connections. I had no one outside of family to rely on. 4. noticed one comment here that said "Oh, well she had a boyfriend and was taking vacations! So she could've left whenever!". Nope. My "vacations" were hospital visits... or spending a night or two at my sister's place when recovering from said hospital visits, because I was in the same city as her anyway, and couldn't make the whole trip back home. But, staying with her long-term was not a solution. Her apartment was tiny, barely enough space for her, and she'd be the only one helping me move at that point, with no spare funds, no space to house me, and a car that barely got her to work and back... much less the almost hour trip both ways between the farm and her apartment. As for the boyfriend thing... I met him at an event my family and I went to, together. I did not drive there. Again, couldn't drive. And every subsequent meet up, afterwards, was him driving over to meet me. This was also at the END of the year and a half... he was my first ever REAL lifeline out of there. It's easy to blame people for staying. I mean, it makes you a shit person, but it's easy. I didn't have to come here and justify my survival, but you all were wilding and it was making me pissed off as hell reading some of your assumptions and blaming. I didn't stay because I wanted to. I didn't stay because I had a connection to the place. I jumped at the first escape which, honestly, was extremely dangerous... I had no option but to put my entire life in my husband's hands. Lucky for me, he's a decent man, but this could have ended much worse. I stayed because THERE WAS NO WAY OUT. You honestly think I didn't stay up late at night, so often, trying to plan a way out? You think I didn't try reaching out for help when I was in the ER, only to be told there was nothing they could do? You think I didn't beg my parents to move my brother back out and let me live alone? You think I didn't try hiding money, only to have it found and taken? You think I didn't plead with my aunt to see what was actually going on and help me? I was stuck there. Farm in the middle of nowhere. No car, no license, no money, was barely able to leave the house... and when I did, it was with my abusive family, and they controlled me. They were even against me having a boyfriend, in my 20's, and TRIED TO PREVENT HIM FROM VISITING. No support system that could actually help, because the only person who cared, my sister, wasn't in a position to help, however much she really wanted to. If I sound angry, it's because I am. I shouldn't have to explain and justify myself, yet here I am. Whatever. I survived, that's all that matters. Peace.

[@BurbNBougie]

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Your story is powerful. Thank you for sharing.

[@bluevillsplash]

You're free now. No explanation needed. Take your time and slowly discover yourself and your hobbies again. Enjoy Life 😉 😊

[@alisonmercer5946]

I'm so so sorry you had to go through that. it sounded like the worst kind of hell to be stuck in and the more i heard the more I hated your brother. And people judging you 😤 after hearing that ? Im sorry people are so cruel

[@Carmen698]

I have a question. You said that your brother is now living back home. Is your mom just silently cleaning up behind him? Or have your parents put their foot down and made him clean up after himself? It wouldn't surprise me if they try to pawn him off on your sister or suggest he move in with you and your husband. I am so sorry you went through all that

[@Sunny-tc3ul]

I’m sorry you had to go through all that bs. But I’m happy you gotten out of that house of horror. They would have been locking me up in prison because I would have caught him slipping. And the Aunt would have caught strays too. I don’t even know her but I don’t like her. Ignore the bitter people in the comments they do this to just about all the stories. Some judge before hearing the WHOLE STORY. I’m glad you are in a better place in life. Got a hubby to love on you. Start your hobbies back up and enjoy your life. We only have one life to live.

[@starrcel]

That entire family sounds tiring. I don´t know how she lasted that long. Glad she got out and she had a happy ending.

[@hassanas.benjamin3818]

Yes. Smh.

[@admirablemuskrat]

ope here. idk how i did, either. But, honestly, living with him was still better than most of my childhood, so my parents kinda primed me to take it and keep silent... glad i got out, too.

[@toecutterjones]

There's going to be so many pathetically lost adult man babies without anywhere to go in 20-30 years after their parents pass.

[@Holisticallycarol]

Its happening now too.

[@glamour89]

I knew a man in his 50s who didn’t clean his house at all. His excuses were that women jobs to do! I’m not surprised that he’s still single!

[@JenMaxon]

@@glamour89 Yeah, wouldn't touch him with a bargepole

[@UnexpectedSpanishInquisition]

Oh, no. Anyway… 🥱

[@Yabucoagirl]

They can all move in together.

[@Dnvrluv01]

Her parents set her up. They knew what type of person they raised. They also knew how he behaved in their house. I told my friends over a decade ago. I believe women lie about their sons being good men so they don't end up back in their homes. Those women that are like, you know, he loves you and those kids. He made a mistake. You can forgive him with prayer and time. Don't give up on your marriage. They are setting you up, lol. You think they are the loving MIL. Nah, she doesn't want to deal with the headache that is her son. He is going to live in filth when he gets his own place. I feel sorry for his landlord.

[@msj793]

You’re exactly right! My ex husbands mother was JUST as you describe!

[@kareno7792]

The older I get the more I see that's true. These mothers don't want to deal with the monster they helped raise anymore. God help the poor woman that gets stuck with those men.

[@candypettynettie487]

Exactly

[@candypettynettie487]

​@msj793 so was mine

[@shakwon619]

I blame parents for shit like this. My mom and dad made us all clean, cook and do housework. Nobody is anybody's maid and we all take care of what's needed to this day. My baby brother is a bit of a brat but he's not incompetent. WTH

[@fdm2155]

100% The idea that she had to be responsible for the brother is crazy. I bet they mom and aunt knew exactly what kind of slob the brother was but dumped him on OP anyway under the guise of 'looking out for her'. What bullshit.

[@admirablemuskrat]

@@fdm2155 Ding! Ding! That's exactly what happened!

[@ozsheila55]

My best friend had a family where the women served the men. Dad & brothers did nothing in the house.

[@Nayankaa]

In my african family, it was understood that boys and men didn't have to lift a finger when it comes to the chores around the house. I would always make sure the house was squeaky clean before my mom came home. My brother and father didn't care to make a mess after I cleaned up. I became aggressive, mean because of it My dad felt like my brother didn't deserve privileges so he would scold him to defend me and my work, he (my dad) would ignore when I would scold HIM though, feeling and telling that it was my job anyway to clean up...I could make my own reddit post on this ish seriously! Shout out to my sister for never giving a F about our African tradition and living her best Western life the whole time 😂 it was hard for her but she did ! Needless to say, we're both married to white European men who help out for everything...

[@BurbNBougie]

Write me up something. Send it to Reddit. Some ppl even just jump in my inbox

[@VolcanoCanyon]

She's not lying. Most african households are exactly like this story. Only 10x worst. Their excuse is always boys will be boys or that's just the way they are. Then those boys grow up looking for their mama's in their age group. The toxicity is so bad that no one Bats an eye to stop it. But if it's the other way around the woman or women are shamed in their family, husband family and in the communities. It sad just hoping and praying that the next generation of women won't be like the last generation.

[@ozsheila55]

I had a mate from Sri Lanka & she and her mum waited on the men in the house like slaves.

[@Lokian_Mermaid]

That aunt knows OP isn't in the best of health and yet treated her like she was in the wrong? She needed to evict her nephew way sooner and she meeds some sense kn*cked imto her as well.

[@TheiaofMeridor]

“After everything I’ve done for you” meaning what exactly? Doing less than the bare minimum of your share of the housework? He’s worse than living alone because he made more work for her and with his constantly being in his room playing video games he wouldn’t even have been able to hear her if she had been calling for help and he was useless when she needed to go to the ER.

[@rocio4618]

I bet he stayed up late playing video games. Probably kept her up.

[@admirablemuskrat]

Hey, woman in the story here! I've got the answer for that, actually, he straight up told me... One of the times I was in the ER, he THOUGHT about helping cover the medical bill if insurance didn't cover it all. That was it. He straight up, full faced told me that when I was in the process of carrying boxes of my stuff out to my husband's car... stopped me in the hallway, and told me I was ungrateful because I didn't appreciate the fact that he THOUGHT about helping pay for something he caused, but only if he had to... I wish I was kidding.

[@sylviaj270]

It is interesting that the aunt never visited the house while she was away.

[@candypettynettie487]

Exactly

[@nightstarstar1]

This was a living nightmare. Imagine being left a farmhouse and treating like a trap house. Her family was just full on abusive. Her parents should never have forced her to live with the brother they clearly never bothered to raise but they did it under the guise of “helping” her when they knew damn well they just wanted to force their pig pen of a son out of their house and make him someone else’s problem. If they cared about her at all when he refused to participate in taking care of the home they both lived in they would’ve kicked him out. Instead they gaslighted her and ignored how much it was literally harming her health. I’m so glad she met a good person and moved on to her own life without these lunatics. As a mother I just do not understand treating my child this way just to coddle the other that is clearly wrong AF. I do not understand this favoritism parents participate in. I love both my children equally and won’t stand for anyone including them treating the other badly.

[@MandaloretheSavage]

5 bucks to a pebble says OP's mom thinks she a good mom....wonder if she hides booze around the house.

[@Geospasmic]

Exactly, they just wanted to get rid of him. They definitely knew who was.

[@phdiva453]

Your comment reminds me of my amazing mama and how she raised my brother and me (on the profile).🥰 You seem to be a great mother, and I hope your children continue the legacy of being decent people and exhibiting good parenting if they decide to have children.

[@nnolaa]

I lived with my brother and he sucked the life out of me too. Never again. I don't even have a brother anymore.

[@BurbNBougie]

DAMN

[@jayogee913]

Same, sadly. If they can't leach off of mommy, then they go after any sisters, cousins, friends, gf's, or wives if they manage to get some desperate woman to even marry them.

[@samantha9644]

Oh my goodness why is this so common 😭 my brother was in between housing (irresponsible 🙄) so he lived back with me and my mom for a few months. It. Was. Horrible. He's so lazy and messy. His room was disgusting by the time he left. And he's an alcoholic which made it worse! It got to the point where I was going to move out, but he finally got a new place and left. I spent DAYS cleaning that room after he moved out since he never came back to clean it up. He's NEVER allowed to stay here again. My mom held firm on that too. He recently almost found himself in the situation where he was going to need a place to stay again, and my mom told him "we'll help you look for some rooms for rent cuz you ain't coming back here" 💀

[@08Davis2]

Did you kill him? 😮

[@AdelTheForsaken]

I remember when my great-grandmother and my mother tried to have me cooking and cleaning behind my brothers. I was 10 or 11! I'm so proud of myself for having the ovaries to say no!

[@TheMidwestPrincess]

That brother is trifling. That whole family is, honestly. I'm glad she got out of there. I'd go no contact with them if I was her.

[@twilightm1st_ress384]

It is OP's choice on contact. In my perspective, though, the mom doesn't deserve any contact either. She enabled her oldest son to do this, and therefore doesn't care enough about OP. Wishing OP better times.

[@mari-thezengoddess888]

Yes , the parents are enablers. Have probably enabled him for so long that he was probably feeling entitled to the sister's household labour

[@MandaloretheSavage]

It was a 3 year old post...she might have gone NC with the mom.

[@KarenGriffith_SoulfulCoaching]

The parents simply moved the problem on.

[@Dot-t2k]

I am glad she escaped this nightmare!

[@BurbNBougie]

Same. I was horrified reading her story.

[@candypettynettie487]

Amen!!!!❤

[@Ella-g2m]

This is hard to listen to. Not only does the family allow the brother to torment the sister to the point of going to the emergency room multiple times, but then they berate HER for what the brother has done. What a horrible family. I hope girlie has a great life with her wonderful boyfriend, and girl, go NO CONTACT. Her entire family are abusers. It's scapegoat/golden child to insane levels. Stress can kill people. She has PTSD from it and they're still defending the brother! That brother is a hunk of rotten shit.

[@admirablemuskrat]

Hey there, girlie from the story! They are still absolutely vile, and I've since gone no contact with them. Life's improving every day I don't have to deal with them

[@Holisticallycarol]

This was the worst!!!! I hate it when girls have no places to go. The aunt also sounds insufferable.

[@jannibal9273]

She obviously had places to go since she would leave the house and go on mini-vacations on the weekends, etc. and she obviously got out enough to meet and have a BOYFRIEND whom, I assume, is the man she eventually married. She wasn't chained inside that house as a slave, she chained herself to it in her own mind.

[@feitme]

She's lucky she ended up with a good man. Her desperation to get away from her brother could have been preyed upon by a worse man. Her parents and aunt failed her, and her brother is creepy. He treated her like his wife appliance and got possessive when another man moved in on his territory. So gross.

[@sarav2209]

yeah, this whole family is entirely dysfunctional. the aunt and parents do not have a good relationship. i wonder who the siblings are in that dynamic. the parents sound like very bad parents. the brother has many, many issues. i hope that woman has a good therapist who can help her build strong boundaries and confidence in herself.

[@MizMorgue1]

The brother was almost 30??!! Sounds like he never matured passed 10!! OPs whole family sounds atrocious! Glad OP got away from there, and hope she is happy, and well.

[@islandgirl8067]

OP needs to go no contact with her entire toxic family, including the mean uncaring aunt. Her mother is horrible; she doesn't care about her daughter at all, only her baby boy. I bet the parents try and pawn the brother off on some unsuspecting woman.

[@admirablemuskrat]

Hey there, OP here! I'm now no contact with my bro and my mom, and most of my extended family, actually. Can honestly say, it's been peaceful as hell without them. Also, for pawning him off, I'm not too worried about that... he'd have to leave his room and shut off the video games long enough to meet a woman.

[@jeromehenry4484]

@@admirablemuskrat Question: are you on SS Disability? I ask because Elder Abuse Laws usually apply to non-Elder disabled persons too. Also, if your food was purchased with SNAP/food stamps, but your brother repeatedly ate your food (especially because you had a specific medical diet), he can be prosecuted for Theft (government is very serious about this). People might find themselves in a similar situation in the future and need to know their legal rights/protections. Glad to hear about your new life with supportive husband.

[@admirablemuskrat]

@@jeromehenry4484 I am on disability, now. Wasn't at the time. And he didn't just eat my food. He'd straight up TAKE my EBT card and go buy frozen pizza with it.... would eat two slices of it, then let the rest rot in the fridge... then make himself a new one the next day. Yup, do what I didn't know I could do ( the family brainwashing and gaslighting is scary ), absolutely press charges if someone does this to you. I didn't even know that was an option. In fact, the one time I tried to tell my mom (who also supported him stealing my money from me ) that it was probably against the law, tore into me about how I'd "ruin his life" and how "you're supposed to share with family", etc. Yuck. She really was cool enabling him until he put me in a grave.

[@GwendolynPorter-w6c]

Let mama deal with the spoiled punk!

[@RayGlatt]

Mom is in for a hard time with Lazy boy. No man in my house.

[@ursulatroxler7428]

I am convinced that most men “Not All “ hate women.

[@monicawitherspoon6627]

Throw the dishes out or pack them away and keep only what you use in your space. If they aren't human enough to clean it, then they don't get to use it. At the very least it would reduce the amount of dishes she is responsible for. It they get crafty and buy more cool. But continue to throw it out every time it's left out or in the wrong place because apparently it's garbage.

[@sissi6013]

She moved out.

[@monicawitherspoon6627]

@sissi6013 yes, I understand, this is my advice to anyone else going through this.

[@DianaPrinceitiswhatitis]

Lord have mercy! I’m so glad she got out of there. Now her parents get to deal with king baby they raised to be this way. He’s going to destroy their home and lives too.

[@TK_Danes]

Honestly, a happy ending. 👏🏾 Away from that house, away from the brother, and low contact with Mom. The boyfriend to husband pipeline was well greased and ready to work 👏🏾 kudos to her man for standing on business, this is protection, and this is providing.

[@imaginelolalola]

I will have nightmares, had to skip to the end. And the mum coddling! It is bringing back memories and they are not good ones.

[@Southern.Nappiness]

Whew! That family was exhausting. He definitely has some mental issues, too. At least she got out.

[@ayingi3461]

Family Scapegoat Abuse is why that lady was having such anxiety around her family.

[@admirablemuskrat]

yup, that's exactly it! House wasn't clean? My fault. Plans fell through? My fault. It was raining the day my siblings were planning to go to the lake?? somehow, magically, my fault. The gaslighting and blaming never stopped... up until I fully cut contact, they were still trying that on me.

[@ayingi3461]

@admirablemuskrat I am with you on the no contact. I had to do it also. I am no comment, or I plea the 5th when my opinion is requested.

[@clvsterfvckofwhatthefvck7981]

“Spoiled little ish” is hilarious and so perfectly put.

[@kgizzles]

I would have went straight back home!

[@misshouda1740]

Exactly .

[@admirablemuskrat]

except living with the parents was worse.

[@starstorm1267]

Her story is literally a modern day Cinderella. Lives with an abusive family who makes her clean up and do everything for them, she finds a man who treats her well and offers her an escape, she takes it and the family is left to rot away in their own actions and misery. Good for her, still sorry that she had to go through this though

[@lkf8799]

Free is never really free. They set her up. Can't believe she dealt with it for so long. So happy her husband is so supportive.

[@TimelessErsy]

This is horrifying😮

[@MsVakong]

What a horrible way to live! 😪 Im glad she was able to move out. 😀

[@pablodelsegundo9502]

Yes, I can't fathom being in that situation. The way the women in that family treat a fellow woman...

[@yazajag]

I don't understand why OP couldn't just live alone it was less work than living with the brother. He did nothing to help. Even while being sick, she did 100xs more, so it seems like it would have just been fine to get a life alert button, use cell phone emergency or get a visiting nurse. Made more sense because she was doing more than just unpacking boxes. He was supposed to be there to help, but it was the complete opposite. Also, if a person lives in filth, it is usually either they have a disorder/disabled, they are in survival mode, drugs or they don't gaf/were raised having everything done for them. In this case it sounds very much like the latter. The brother didn't help because of the family inabling him, so they really had no right to be angry at the house being disgusting knowing OP was ill. They raised him that way, it makes no sense. Knew the house would be destroyed once they returned. Brother is doing it deliberately. He doesn't care how he lives. Family is in denial, let them deal with the entire house and the brother. I'm glad OP lives with bf now and feels safe and comfortable. He helps with housework and it isn't filthy and disgusting.

[@VixxKong2]

I think she has no money to actually live on her own. She just wanted to keep the grandparent's home in the family but wasn't allowed to live alone

[@turquoise_sky]

Bro sounds like a hoarder. Why hasn’t anyone picked up on that?

[@tmajuru559]

If she's from a predominantly African culture, then hoarding, often a symptom of mental illness, is not a 'thing'. My uncle hoarded himself to death, isolated himself, because my family chose to believe he was gay instead. He got an ear infection from the dirt in his apt, stroked out and lay there for 48H before someone found him. He was immobile and nonverbal and in a rehab center for 2 years before he passed away.

[@stephaniemartin9253]

So unfortunate that she was not able to enjoy the farmhouse living and walked away with PTS😞 I know that we’re not children, but sometimes things just don’t seem fair.

[@oanaion4899]

To quote Jenny from the block: "I ain't your mama!"

[@sweetnsoursusan]

I was shocked the one time I saw my brothers apartment and it was actually clean! He never helped with any kind of chores and my sister was the one that had to clean their bathroom. When she moved out, the bathroom got SO SO SO disgusting. But, he's the baby.....

[@annejohnson5875]

Good thing is he got away from her toxic family.

[@Vanessa-ii7cc]

Would never be me. Right now i don't even talk with my brother. And I'm counting the seconds to no see his face again.

[@oanaion4899]

That first lady needs to move on her own. Let the aunt be the brother's problem.

[@mamat1213]

Girl this is insane. I can’t say what I would do but in my own crazy toxic situation I’ve literally thrown away all but 2 of each type of dishes, got rid of clothes, stopped buying food, I didn’t keep cash or even cards in the house or car, I even adopted out the pet to a friend that I can visit, pet sit for etc. I lost weight too, from the stress but also from my limited diet which consisted mostly of bottled protein shakes, fruit, bars, hardboiled eggs and instant oatmeal - things I didn’t have to use a pot to cook or bowl/plate to eat 😢

[@Iquey]

That sister should call adult protective services on her icky older brother.

[@jacqueline7938]

Not even 3 min in and im already over her family 😒

[@admirablemuskrat]

Now imagine having to live with them for years... yeah, glad I don't have to deal with them at all anymore.

[@BigRell91]

Is he a hoarder seriously who puts three trash in the oven

[@tashasc1]

No, just lazy and DGAF.

[@thelastshallbefirst6036]

Her brother hates her.

[@admirablemuskrat]

OP here, and he absolutely does. It's okay, the feeling is mutual and I cut him out of my life. He can hate me from a distance all he wants, now.

[@Indyawillis85]

Wow... Idk how I would survive a situation like that. I don't tend to hold my thoughts or anger back for too long, so I might've been kicked it early on lol. I'm sure once you're in it, it's hard to see a way out though. I'm so happy OP found a good partner and got away from her abusive, codependent family.

[@oanaion4899]

Glad the lady in the first story got out 🙌🙌🙌

[@Kattlarv]

It's kinda telling when the *only* way to get through, sorta. Is to just: Stop. Had that been me, I'd probably have left on "inspection day". Sure, living with a bully is hard. But I'd probably have asked to return home for a "break" long before that.

[@Aashka_The_Mystic]

I would have moved out so fast! Why did the aunt keep stopping by to check on the house??

[@ruby-fx2eo]

Control issues and inability to let go of her late parents place, I'm guessing

[@admirablemuskrat]

She wanted us to live there, but also wanted to keep it a shrine to Grandma and Grandpa. We weren't even allowed to take pictures off the wall or even hang up anything of ours... Looking back, I kinda feel sorry for her. I mean, I'm still no contact with her and hate her for her treatment of me, but I can feel sorry for her, too. Grief from losing her mom and dad must've been really bad, and she never figured out a way to deal with it and let go.

[@KarenGriffith_SoulfulCoaching]

He’s trying to push her out the home. Tolerances creates resentments and anger. Just because you are blood does not mean you like or even love each other. If you want to know what your triggers are live with family.

[@Hello-bz8cn]

Anyone in the Denver/Boulder area? Seeking more friendships with women who have decentered men, prefer being single, and pretty much have lost interest and attraction in men.

[@RedDeadReverie]

He had dirty laundry…in the living room?? 😨

[@IsThisRealLif]

I wonder what the bro did to cause her PTSD to begin with?! I would not trust him staying with her later what does the situation had to occur at least check in with her more and make sure he's doing his part. So crappy

[@VixxKong2]

She stayed for 1 year?? I'd be gone the second his room starts to stink up the place

[@BurbNBougie]

If you had health issues and no car, where would you go?

[@VixxKong2]

@BurbNBougie Back home. She only went in the grandparent's house because she had an emotional attachment to it. That attachment wouldn't be worth my health

[@ruby-fx2eo]

​@VixxKong2 really? Did you not hear about how bad and enabling the parents were??? Moves back home, brother follows, cycle starts again but this time, under the immediate thumb of the parents.... that sounds even worse

[@VixxKong2]

@ruby-fx2eo Of course they're bad, but back at home she wasn't expected to clean her brother's room tho.

[@admirablemuskrat]

@@VixxKong2 Nope! OP here! At parent's home, I was expected to clean EVERYTHING! And be a punching bag! Growing up, I had to clean his room multiple times, because, and I quote "he just doesn't see the mess. You're the girl, you do it better". Yeah, being raised in a super misogynistic, controlling religious cult is wild. For as terrible, nightmarish, and genuinely traumatizing as living with him was, it was better than living with my parents and him combined... so, that should let you know how horrific living with them was.

[@Axis32109]

It sounds like there was more going on behind the scenes beyond the piglet brother. It seems the aunt is a controling b who wants them out of the house at any cost, and no one in the family seems to take OPs health seriously enough, almost like they think she's faking. I also wonder if the brother wanted to indirectly get rid of her, one way or another.

[@bwstopnamingbmedwardforthe2921]

11:41 I’m glad that she was able to get out in time with her bf because it sounds like not only is her brother emotionally and verbally abusive, but also physical as well and it wouldn’t surprise me if he probably bèát her úp in the past, and the pick me mother probably blamed her for his hatrèd of her. And of course the pick me mom and him are going to tag team the vitriol of her and the bf because how dare the púñçhiñg bag escape the purgatory that we put her through. I’m relieved that she safe.

[@admirablemuskrat]

Hey there, OP here! And I can tell you, he was absolutely physical with me for as far back as I can remember. Not to trauma dump or get too triggering, but he, uhhhh.... didn't always behave "appropriately" around me, if you know what I mean? Which my mom also blames me for or straight up pretends never happened. And not only did he use me as a punching bag, both my parents did, too... clear up through my teen years. So, not surprised they sided with him.

[@candypettynettie487]

Why was aunt coming every week? This was a set up all around.

[@locsoluv94]

Why didn't the aunt just live there? The whole family is the worst, but the aunt just confuses me.

[@admirablemuskrat]

She and my uncle had a really nice house in the city, that's why. She didn't want to live there, she just wanted to keep it as a shrine to her late parents... but, also have it lived in and looked after. AKA, we weren't allowed to move anything, but were expected to keep it Martha Stewart show home levels of clean. Which I tried to. Live there without it looking like anyone was living there.

[@jeromehenry4484]

Wish OP had mentioned if she was on Social Security Disability. There are Elder Abuse Laws in most states, and most Elder protections also apply to non-elder disabled persons. What I'm getting at, her brother was probably LEGALLY RESPONSIBLE for sister's wellbeing, such as house chores, daily grooming/hygiene, getting her to & from medical appointments, to ER, etc. The fact brother was only employed part-time actually puts a bigger burden of compliance on him because he had more time to accomplish all these tasks. OP mentioned her special diet; if those foodstuffs were purchased on OP's SNAP/food stamps then he can be PROSECUTED & JAILED for stealing OP's funds/food. Government doesn't take too kindly to SNAP fraud or theft, penalties are quite stiff!

[@admirablemuskrat]

Wasn't at the time, the process for getting on that is long and tedious... as I found out, as I'm on it, finally. Was on foodstamps at the time, and YES, he stole my Snap card often. I thought about calling the cops on him a few times while in it, but family brainwashing runs deep...

[@jeromehenry4484]

@@admirablemuskrat I was a caregiver to my elder parents and disabled brother (around 31 YO at that time), familiar with Disability approval nightmare. Luckily my brother was approved on 1st try, but majority are turned down 1st try. People that haven't gone through it have a lot of presumptions/misinformation about Disability program & approval process. Brother actually had a Disability Insurance Policy while he was still employed. Insurance company intentionally dragged their feet for 4 years, but only offered a lump sum of $50K when he should have received approximately $3K per month for life. He tried multiple attorneys to take his case, but federal rules on attorney's fees make it so that attorneys won't even take these cases because they lose money.

[@kimberley5697]

Very weird dynamic

[@Ella_B33]

This is one of those reddit posts that I'm hoping is fake. Because if it's not, it's incredibly sad and troubling that this young woman was put in this position. At minimum, the parents had to know what the brother was like and that he would be of no help to his sister. She would have been better off with a life alert necklace if they were so worried. I'm glad it ended well for her, but her readiness to move in with her bf also highlights how women in an unsafe home environment are vulnerable to latching on to a man to escape their situation. Thankfully, he sounds like a decent dude. But it's not optimal to have to make such a big decision under duress.

[@gee_emm]

How does this happen? What is up with these parents? Why wouldn't you want to set your son up for success? For independence? For basic decent living? I am confusion! What is dude gonna do when his parents are gone?

[@admirablemuskrat]

Op here. It's because he's on the autism spectrum. Seriously. My mom is an "autism mom", and she coddled him through all these years. Never held him accountable for anything, whether it was violence, laziness, nothing. Me, on the other hand? Also on the spectrum? Different story. I was held to a high standard, and punished severely if i fell below it. When parent finally croak, he's probably still gonna be living at their home until it fills up with garbage and he either kicks it from disease or the place collapsing in on itself. Either way, not my problem, tbh, so doesn't matter to me what happens to him

[@haileys5371]

At some point just move out, not worth it. Trying to figure out why anyone would spend two years living like this.

[@BurbNBougie]

She had health problems and no car, so moving out probably wasn't super easy. I'm sure it would have been easier for her if she had a car and was healthy. When we are giving advice we have to work within the parameters that the person is facing.

[@haileys5371]

​@@BurbNBougieshe stayed and did more damage to both her physical and mental health. From what she said, she was living there because the house held special memories for her. Very sad that women especially are raised to tolerate mistreatment and feel they can do nothing to help themselves. I hope our outrage empowers others who feel helpless know they are not wrong to walk away or stand up for themselves somehow.

[@admirablemuskrat]

Op here! Would've loved to! Where do you suggest I could've moved to? To an apartment I had no income to pay for? Back into my parents' house, where the abuse was leagues worse? Or out onto the street to pass away in -30 degree winters? Idk about you, but none of those sounds anymore appealing than what I went through, gotta be honest with you, bud

[@susanlovesjava4961]

This unfortunately sounds completely contrived. The son has absolute control over everyone in the family? He has a lock on his door, doesn't want the sister in the room so he doesn't use the lock? How'd she call her boyfriend but previously was stranded from phone use?

[@BurbNBougie]

I went thru her post history. She's been consistent with talking about healing from family trauma for years. I know it's in us to be cynical, but childhood abuse happens. It's not so out of the norm that it's not plausible. And male Golden children have existed forever.

[@admirablemuskrat]

Not contrived or fake. It's me, the OP, hello. I'm the one who lived this. Lemme clear those q's up for you. Yes, he had a lot of control, and more importantly empathy, in the family. He's on the spectrum, so am I, but his was taken way more seriously. "He can't help it, he doesn't see the mess". Etc. So, everyone always felt sorry for him and cut him a lot of slack. I, however, was the scapegoat. AKA, the "bad kid". His lock only worked from the inside, meaning he couldn't leave it locked when he went to work. That's I got in there to clean it. Anytime he was home, though, it was locked, and he was in there ignoring me asking for help. Cell phone reception was extremely spotty. There were times I got lucky... if I went to the top of the driveway, about a whole city block of walking, which was incredibly hard on my body, and crossed my fingers. I happened to get lucky a few times and managed to call him and talk. Those times were rare and far between. We had wifi, also spotty, so most of our talk was over snapchat, which I also had to cross my fingers and hope worked. It was the landline he locked in his room. The only RELIABLE phone. My calls on my cell dropped or never went through 10x more often than they did.

[@SuburbanoidMisfit111]

Nope.

[@Elusive.magick]

I have to say that the story was absolutely exhausting. I will admit that I do struggle with hearing a woman be used in such a way. For a woman to even let it happen. But I force myself to be compassionate and not blame the victim. This was a tough one.

[@BurbNBougie]

I get it. I do. But you have to consider how someone was raised. Did she have choices to just leave? She has health issues, probably from her home life and no car. She was just surviving.

[@admirablemuskrat]

"Let" is a wild way to phrase that, gonna be so for real with you.

[@Elusive.magick]

@ I couldn’t find the right word. She lived in trauma.

[@BurbNBougie]

She is talking to you in the post. That's her right above me

[@Elusive.magick]

@ I agree. Thats why I’v been changing my reaction to these stories. I am monitoring my thoughts and visceral reactions. I could feel how utterly trapped she was. Horrific and dehumanizing. It made me go into fight or flight reaction.

[@onycagayle4485]

🎉

[@JentilNissaa]

So sad to hear adults behaving like children and I don't mean the brother. This was an interesting case study but I really don't think this woman set any boundaries to be crossed.

[@ruby-fx2eo]

Living in the middle of nowhere, unable to drive, living under constant threat of eviction, horrible health, unsafe family... what power was there to set boundaries? How would they have been enforced? Do the world a favor and think before you comment stupid stuff, thanks.

[@femmefatale71]

You clearly have ZERO empathy.

[@femmefatale71]

@@ruby-fx2eotell it Ruby!!! ❤❤❤

[@oanaion4899]

What a disgusting comment.

[@spreadyourwingsandflybutte768]

I would’ve declined. Soon as my brother had to be there and then weekly inspections. No ma’am. I’ll get my own place. ✌🏾

[@fantym-1]

If you have $$ to afford to ...

[@spreadyourwingsandflybutte768]

@ I understand. I’m a graduate student who moved out of state at 21 all by myself. Best decision I ever made for myself. This woman had nothing tying her down

[@spreadyourwingsandflybutte768]

I hate that my comments always get deleted. But yes it’s hard to get your own place but she could’ve since she didn’t have any children. I was able to leave a similar situation with my brother and mom by attending graduate school out of state!

[@chauntill]

Exactly! Nobody else requires that Many inspections the family was giving toxic control freaks