Healthy Narcissism: Why You Need It, How to Get It

[@bevcourtney4777]

It's good to see you posting regularly again, so thank you. I started my learning process on narcissism with your early videos and your book and have gone from there to other clin psychs on the subject. It's a huge complicated subject and so very interesting now that I understand the behaviours of someone I thought was a close friend and who turned out to be anything but.

[@CraigMalkin]

Thank you ! It’s good to be able to post again 🙂

[@ocpd23]

I am in the camp that believes that there are no forms of healthy narcissism, so this video is very interesting to me. I did buy your book but have not yet read it. My scorn for narcissism of any form has been a reaction to the increasing narcissism that I see in Americans over the years, in particular the very disturbing and seemingly exponential increase during the last 10 years. Indeed much of my interactions with people result in disgust when I see any form of narcissism. As a consequence, I repeatedly catch myself whenever I recognize any of my own narcissistic traits or thoughts, and make an effort to quash them. This has led to a concomitant increase in anxiety and depression, as well as other issues that could be classified as borderline traits. Basically everything that you point out in this video. I remain adamant that I will somehow prevail in light of these self imposed restrictions, perhaps in the same fashion that certain communities attempted in the 1970s, but so far my experiment does not seem to be working. As they say, perhaps I am not quite ready in my journey to accept what you write about in your book, but it will remain in one of my many stacks of unread books until I am.

[@CraigMalkin]

Glad it piqued your interest. Call it self-enhancement if you want, but it's a fact of human psychology. And, as I point out, you can get it just by relating in healthy ways. I also introduce echoism in Rethinking Narcissism. If you've heard anything about it, you've likely encountered my ideas. 🙂

[@CraigMalkin]

Can you help me--what is it you were reacting to in my comment? It sounded like you were struggling with echoism and this was my brief way of indicating that since that's half my book, you might find helpful (friendlier to your stance) ideas in it.

[@drruthannharpur]

Thank you for making this video. I find the concept of narcissism as a spectrum with either extreme (too high or too low) representing a problem. It is good to have some more nuance in the conversation about narcissism.

[@CraigMalkin]

so glad you liked it!

[@edgreen8140]

Extreme narcissism may result in violence or passive aggressiveness.

[@CraigMalkin]

True

[@xrjx1511]

Would it be accurate to say that negative narcissism is self-loathing and positive narcissism (healthy) is self-love?

[@dannyreed2887]

Good to tune in with you again,doctor. Narcissistic traits are in all of us, of course. along with Empathic.Ideally they moderate each other. but after a 27 year Marriage with an N ending in Divorce with two girls from a previous marroage

[@dannyreed2887]

marriage I realized there is more complexity to one in favor of the other. I shamelessly took advantage of M's blind spots. So a Machiavellian Empathic can function in the Land of Narcissus quite well outside your comfort zone by empowement.

[@MM-wv7ys]

there is no narc traints in a normal human being

[@User-actSpacing]

Terrible audio. Great information.

[@gd1465]

How does one develop a healthy narcissism?

[@erikavaleries]

I learned that narcissism is maladaptive & a “me at the expense of you” dynamic. I was raised in a narcissistic family where the main narcissist always came first. Her selfish antics were rationalized to justify our enabling and sacrifice. I can’t see narcissism as healthy because any of the traits seem toxic.

[@CraigMalkin]

Did you watch the video? All the traits you’re describing are unhealthy, yes. They bear no resemblance to what I’ve described.

[@erikavaleries]

@@CraigMalkin I agree with your description! It’s so hard for me to use the word narcissism as healthy. I don’t have a better replacement word though. Maybe self concept?

[@CraigMalkin]

@@erikavaleries in the video I suggest self-enhancement.

[@Cornerstone-bk8vl]

Adjust it down, even if it’s painful? That’s me. Lol

[@rupinderh01]

thats a great video, what if you dont have anyone to securely attach to to learn to be healthily narcissistic ?

[@MM-wv7ys]

there is no such thing as healthy narcissism.

[@CraigMalkin]

That's an opinion and one that's shared by many (mostly outside the field of psychology). It's not supported by research.

[@MM-wv7ys]

@@CraigMalkin jeez..actually the concept of "healthy narcissism" is still accepted only by few ones in clinical psychology and psychoanalyst circles...what do you mean supported by research? :D i think its enough to have a brain and see oxymoron in something called "healthy narcissism" ,,,and also, people who use "healthy narcissism" instead of words like self esteem,self awereness etc. are obviously nothing but apologetics for narcissism because they are immature narcs too

[@CraigMalkin]

​@@MM-wv7ys False. Contrary to your unfounded claim, the concept is widely accepted in my field and always has been. Here's a large scale study including healthy (agentic) narcissism that was just published. www.researchgate.net/publication/379309116_Development_of_Narcissism_Across_the_Life_Span_A_Meta-Analytic_Review_of_Longitudinal_Studies Healthy narcissism isn't self-esteem or self-awareness or self-love or self-confidence. It's moderate self-enhance enhancement. Low narcissism scores are correlated with pathology (average scores aren't); thats' why we need to include the concept of healthy narcissism in theory and measurement. One of the most powerful instruments we have for measuring narcissism, the NARQ, includes the construct of healthy narcissism. psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2Ft27810-000 In addition to the NARQ I cite a wealth of current research. What's so threatening about accepting that there can pathological and non pathological expressions of self-enhancement? It's interesting how quickly you go to insults. ("i think its enough to have a brain and see oxymoron in something called "healthy narcissism" ; "people who use "healthy narcissism" instead of words like self esteem,self awereness etc. are obviously nothing but apologetics for narcissism because they are immature narcs too" "The concept of "healthy narcissism" is still accepted only by few ones in clinical psychology and psychoanalyst circles" What is this statement even based on?

[@MM-wv7ys]

@@CraigMalkin that statement is based on reality and my surroundings, maybe in America situation is a lil bit different. Sorry, but that is not an insult, if we take the definition of narcissism ,healthy narcissism contradicts it, so yea, there is no such thing...just like there is no "healthy paranoia", "healthy sociopathy", "healthy addiction", etc. Self enchancement is a trademark of narcissism so by definition is bad and not healthy,its like saying good evil, just mumble overall...you cannot "measure" narcissism or anything else, all of those tests and instruments (like mmpi are outdated and just non valuable in any way

[@CraigMalkin]

​@@MM-wv7ys I wasn't referring to your statement that there's no such thing when I asked what it's based on. I was referring your claim: "Again, what is this statement even based on? I also didn't find that insulting. I found your insults insulting. Anyone can see your statements here are objectively and needlessly insulting: "i think its enoughnd see oxymoron in something called "healthy narcissism" ; "" instead of words like self esteem,self awereness etc. are obviously nothing but apologetics for narcissism because theyI suppose it's possible you're not aware of how you come across. Your claim is simply this: there's no such thing as healthy narcissism because you define narcissism as purely pathological (psychology doesn't, apart from a few dissenters) and then claim it can't be healthy, which is tautological. Current consensus in the field is that there are 3 related factors in narcissism: agentic (healthy); neurotic (vulnerable); and antagonistic. This is also accepted by the leading narcissism experts in the world.

[@karenishness1]

WOW. I THOUGHT HARVARD WAS A GOOD SCHOOL. EGO IS NECESSARY BUT NARCISSISM IS AN EXCUSE FOR VIOLENCE.

[@CraigMalkin]

Extreme narcissism yes .narcissism itself is not a disorder; it’s a trait. Narcissism only correlates with violence on the high end. Many factors drive violence.

[@karenishness1]

@@CraigMalkin SIMPLE LIES OFTEN RESULT IN VIOLENCE. AND MANY FABRICATE WEBS OF LIES FOR FEAR OF THEIR SELFISH ACTIONS BEING DISCOVERED. THE VERY LEGEND SHOWS AN ATTITUDE OF TERMINAL SUPERIORITY.

[@CraigMalkin]

@@karenishness1 why are you typing in all caps?

[@karenishness1]

@@CraigMalkin EASIER.

[@overprime3978]

Why did u make me read this garbage?