What Is Subtle Narcissism?

[@rh3toricalanswer]

Thank you for your work. I recommend your book to anyone that will listen and on the r/narcissism subreddit. Your book helped me recognize and process the narcissistic people in my life and my own narcissistic tendencies that I learned from being immersed in a narcissistic environment and having that behavior modeled for me by my father. I have been working to unlearn those behaviors. When I was 18-20 I lived at a 7 and would slide to an 8 or 9 when I was dysregulated or felt threatened, but after reaching a turning point, almost 10 years later I would now say I live at a 6 and slide to a 7 situationally or at the very worst an 8. I've been in therapy for almost 2 years and your book is in my top 5 recommendations for anyone looking to do the hard work of healing from trauma and processing their inner world. Thank you.

[@taom9004]

Neglectful and pissy. Withholding and angry. Absent, then vengeful. He could only really 'share' after a rage and a collapse. Wish I had had this information long ago.

[@edgreen8140]

Great way to give back the projection and see if they will own it.

[@anneboland4575]

Hello, Dr. Malkin, can you speak about a parent who realizes that their adult child is often behaving in an arrogant narcissistic, competitive way? How best to respond? Thank you.

[@majastuni7972]

Your Videos are very enlightening and giving me proper information that I need for healing from an abusive home. Thank you very much for the work you are putting in! I appreciate your calmness and kindness in your videos while you highlight important warning signs from protecting oneself at the same time.

[@m0L3ify]

Thanks this really clarifies something I went through with someone once. I ended up walking away because the entitlement surges were increasing and it felt like there were too many "drive-by F You's". We did try to talk things out every time it got bumpy, and that worked for awhile, but eventually I just started to feel like the surges were interrupting the relationship too much and I was starting to walk on egg shells more and more. It was all stress and no enjoyment.

[@tinaferr]

Omg "drive-by F You's" yesssss

[@gayemurphy3271]

Yes please share more many thanks 👍

[@CraigMalkin]

I’m planning to do them weekly now. I have some help just getting them uploaded edited etc. which I don’t have time to do :-)

[@Honest_review85]

Hello sir. Very informative videos. I have a question maby you could make a video about it : How do you distinguish subtle narcisism from a chronically depressed person. Maby persistent depressive disorder. It seems they are also preoccupied about themselves. Being irritated , feeling that they are not being fully understood e.t.c. is it possible to have one and not the other or it usually goes together ?

[@mthomas3547]

I am learning with every video. It's not always easy to be open with others. I often times find myself holding back because of those issues I grew up with. Learning to accept myself for who I am and be honest with my feelings is important, because it only reminds me that I am just a person trying to move through this life as best as I can. There's freedom in that. The other day, my husband said to me, "What's going on with you?" I think even he's seen the change. I find that I like life more because I can just be like everyone else, but I also think that people respond to imperfections more than when you are trying to be right. THe more you let go of that part of you who is trying to be seen as "special" the more you like yourself, authentically. It's an honest way of liking yourself. I hope that makes sense.

[@zion367]

Awesome realisations!!❤🎉

[@judithc2335]

Love your videos Dr Malkin, as well as your book. So helpful 🙂

[@joedaley6031]

your videos are very helpful and well judged - with the right amount of information in them (so covering say quite a small and well defined topic very accurately) I really like the very accurate practical advice too and that this is all non-dramatic and non judgemental - it is very measured

[@tifneysaunders9492]

I'm not disagreeing with everything you say my ex-boyfriend thought I was a narcissist and I hear you talk about making it seem as though the world revolves around you , uncertain people might have an expectation their expressing that they would like for their relationship and are very adamant to keep that boundary and request for themselves to stay intact because maybe in the past they have given too much of themselves and now all of a sudden they're a narcissist because they are trying to set firm boundaries

[@janmcsween7079]

I think that a disorganized/fearful-avoidant attachment style can appear to be narcissism in a relationship. The fearful-avoidant person is authentic, however, and can achieve intimacy rather quickly if they recognize the pattern in a relationship and put in the work.

[@RatedArggg]

My mother was a subtle narcissist. Very, very destructive to all of us.

[@melanielee8754]

Thanks very much. I’m glad I found you on The Being Well podcast.

[@sk8razer]

Occasional problem drinking is like an 8 on the alcohol use disorder scale?! *uh oh*

[@susancosgrove7821]

Thank you, that's a valueable insight.....it is all information that helps undestand what's going on.

[@mac-ju5ot]

I discovered. This out the more my dad aged and my.mother died. It just grew a d grew even though I loved my dad

[@fakename658]

Truly eye opening

[@NAJAlliance]

Great video! Thank you!

[@lioubovgrant1935]

Great information 👍Thank you. ❤

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

My mother is so so so so defensive that she has to believe she is perfect. I have to reflect back her rosy view of herself. If i do, she's ''nice'' but if I don't, then I'm instantly berated for hurting her. She attacks me, she denies what I have said, *she* is the victim. I'm the aggressor. Even though I just told her that she hurt me!! My hurt is a grudge apparently, hers is valid and should make me feel ashamed. BUT, if I had said nothing, if I hadn't told her that she'd hurt me, she'd still be ok. ''Entitlement surge'' yes, that is what she displayed. She hurt me and i told her and OH BOY. How dare I. Only she has feelings. I hurt HER feelings.

[@gujono.eiriksson8553]

"My hurt is a grudge apparently, hers is valid and should make me feel ashamed." My mother is like that. She has a corrupted core that makes it hard for her to understand other people --- at least her offspring (and my dad while he was alive). In all her bad relationships, she is somehow always one who does most right and is victimized.

[@irisiris6717]

Thank you.

[@leajacobson4458]

I enjoy your videos and find you extremely knowledgeable and helpful. However, this is a bit of a stretch. Not everything is narcissism. If you label everything that way, you end up diluting the definition to the point where it is meaningless. Your definition of narcissism seems to have no boundary.

[@CraigMalkin]

True not everything is narcissism. What here suggests I think so?