The Secret to Being Happy Alone

[@maya.furtado]

Eating dinner alone on a sunday night right now and thinking that life is gonna be this way forever. This video came out on the right time for me.

[@PabloNeves26]

Hello, there! Are you Brazilian too?

[@rongike]

it can get much worse, learn to appreciate what you have.

[@gabewood7475]

@@maya.furtado it won’t be this way forever. your life is in a cocoon right now, that’s why you’re alone. soon you’ll emerge with beautiful wings and realize everything happened for a reason

[@maya.furtado]

@@rongike true

[@maya.furtado]

@@gabewood7475 that's what I'm hoping for

[@Oscar_AH]

Being happy alone is one of the biggest findings of my recent life. The possibility of happiness regardless of external input is a big deal

[@SuperLifestream]

I lived alone from when I was 20 to 30. You gotta find internal happiness. external is only temporary

[@valdius85]

The same for me. I am going through some hard staff and a big lesson is that I need to learn to be content by myself.

[@Waferwafermagiccracker]

Good luck once you are at retirement age.

[@dl505lh]

Yes! To enjoy your own presence is really freeing!

[@dl505lh]

@@WaferwafermagiccrackerNot if you don't hate yourself lol

[@pastsubstance2930]

I cured my loneliness by being alone. I learned to be happy alone. I enjoy my own company now. It feels good. I don’t wait for others to be happy. If i want to go out, I go out- i don’t have to go out with others; i don’t have to wait for others. I create more hobbies, more interests, more journaling so i can sort of talk to myself. I keep myself busy and mist importantly,I try to actually take care of myself. I feel like learning your emotions really help like figuring out when ur stressed and need a break, and figure out what makes you happy. Just recently I learned that I like to bake and cook. It’s fun for me. It used to be seen as a chore and made me miserable but now i see it as a hobby.

[@Jeffs_Trove]

That's cool that you found cooking like fun. I did too but I only liked it since I wasn't busy that time and i just started to learn it. But i'm busy now and I have a hard time finding moments to slot it in because it feels "like a chore" since I am "busy doing other things." Did u find a way to figure this dilemma out?

[@briansinger4313]

That is unsustainable...

[@guy12327]

Nice.

[@chairofspontaneity]

@@briansinger4313 why

[@christianangelomojica374]

​@@briansinger4313 how exactly... imo waiting for others is even more unsustainable as you are basically putting your happiness down to luck and rng (people aren't exactly garunteed to behave the way you want them to they do what they want...)

[@atlas956]

i‘m a college student who recently got a tiny flat of her own, and let me tell you the amount of my friends who were shocked like „how can you stand being alone on the weekends?? don‘t you wanna have someone move in with you?“ like… no, it‘s fine? if i feel like company, i make a call or invite someone over for dinner or go out. being self-sufficient and capable of being alone with yourself is a really valuable life skill and i‘m shocked how many people my age don‘t have it at all. i have a lot of friends who literally can‘t be single for more than a week, or who refuse to enroll in classes if none of their friends take it as well… it‘s so bad for their development as people.

[@AmIWhatIAm]

Same here, people are actually shocked when I said I can dine alone, or enroll in courses according to my own wants and needs instead of following others, going to the library alone, etc. Do I feel lonely? Sometimes, but most of the time I feel sufficient by myself.

[@Jake38nine]

Agreed! Being comfortable alone is a genuine skill.

[@timonc6302]

Living alone has really confronted me with actually being a capable person. Having a low self-esteem often convinces you you're unable to perform certain tasks, however when you're on your own and have no other choice than doing the task, it kinda slowly destroys that belief system over time! Enjoy your flat and life ❤

[@Dragonaiis]

I feel the same, I love going out just by myself and doing my own thing. And ofc I like time with friends too but I don’t need other people to have myself a damn good time

[@altarielc6450]

Cried in front of this video, needed that, fighting to bear life everyday for seeing friends, you see them every 6 months or so and in the meantime everyday you fight, you're sad, you're happy nobody even knows about it. I'm trying to push myself to believe that IF I I'm the only one who experiences my life and my emotions, lets try to make it happy ones. But the drive to do things, when you're alone, handicaped, poor and mentally ill is so hard to find. Anyway I don't really know what I'm writing but it is cathartic. If someone reads this and kind of relate, if you're feeling really down maybe do not aim for happiness, try to stay in the moment and make it bearable, and when you'll wake up tomorrow you might feel great, or have some energy to do some sports and then the sports give you the drive to go out. DON'T GIVE UP, STAND FOR OTHERS AND FOR YOU. ♥

[@magx01]

So many of us going through it together but not together. Life is a sad comedy sometimes lol

[@rohan94c]

🫂

[@lorenz8961]

Thank you!! Let's try to focus on feeling good, and care about the feelings rather than want something and feeling sad of not getting it. So Imma try to choose the not wanting to want, so it doesn't hurt not getting it. (It doesn't help to actually get it one day, but at least it hopefully doesn't hurt not getting it). I send some love to everyone who reads this! 💕

[@authaire]

Every fucking day friend. Since before I can remember. Solidarity. Keep on keeping on. We carry the torches of each other for the good of the rest

[@lilzuplada1564]

I appreciate your candidness and vulnerability. Love hugs 🫂

[@chronomirageYT]

I love that you say "you don't need friend/relationship/kids" while simultaniously acknowledge the fact that "friend/relationship/kids are the easiest way to...", this make the life of both normal and non-normal people valid, instead of go all in on saying "childless cat ladies are miserable" or "man/women are trash and children are pure burden"

[@authaire]

💯💯

[@the_expidition427]

Having balance is key

[@omnissiah7247]

Yeah this is how well adjusted adults have nuanced conversations. I get that it has become rarer in the recent years, but let's not drop the bar so low as to start thinking what should be, and was the norm, is now the highest pinnacle of consideration.

[@hdshjs]

Yes, if you look for neuanced balanced and holistic approach it's dr K.

[@job0wnage]

Agreed, would like to add that even though from our own perspective it doesn't seem like it, we're all normal people. At the end of the day we're all just as human as everyone else, it's just difficult to see or hard to remember sometimes.

[@melissabarnes777]

This helped me realise, I’ve been judging myself based on what others deem important, not what I deem important in life and worthy ways of spending my time.

[@mandragonna]

I moved out to another country a year ago and I have never felt loneliness a single time. I always remember something one of my current roommates told me when I was talking to her about my day, and she told me that I looked so happy and contempt with myself even though I spent the whole day alone and that she really admired my ability to entertain myself without the need of someone else. And at that moment, it had never occurred me that this is an ability that people could struggle with. My sense of self, for a long time, was of someone unlovable, unlikeable, boring and ugly because of all the bullying I went through from elementary school to highschool, I knew that I couldn't rely on anyone so I turned myself into my best friend. Eating alone, playing alone, being ignored, talking with myself became normal to me. And maybe because of this I found it "easy" moving out and adapt to a completely different country where I know no one and don't even properly speak the language. Sure, I miss my friends and family every now and then, but it has never been a feeling of despair because they're not close. And now I feel like I have found myself in this kind of limbo filled with possibilities, this is the time where I have felt the most alive in my entire existence and I don't want it to end. Actually, the times I've felt sad about my situation is me thinking that I might have to go back to my country, because that place for me is associated with people who ignored me, did not appreciate me, where I felt the most alone even though I was physically with other people around. I always remember the Christmas Eve of 2022 because that year was the worst I've ever felt, so bad in fact that * warning * I thought about just die. That year I was left and right asking for help to my family, friends, acquaintances, therapists, even a supposed love interest and no one gave me the answer I needed to hear. The only thing it kept me alive that night was my dog peacefully sleeping next to me, for her, I'm her entire world and I could never take that away from her. So I kept on living another day, and another, and another, until a year passed by. During that time, I found an opportunity to move abroad and just put all my savings into this new life I'm building for myself. My new sense of self has changed drastically ever since, now, magically all of my friends send me messages to know how I'm doing, talk with my parents almost daily, started loving more and more my body, feeling that I am loved and that I deserved to be loved, that I am likeable and someone who is appreciated to be around with, I even allowed myself to fall in love with a guy. I became a loner out of survival, but now here I am seen as someone confident and capable who can achieve wherever they put in their minds. I lived so blinded by not fitting into what is expected of me in my home country that made me loose my sense of self.

[@BLADER5211]

This is so wholesome! Kinda inspiring how you built yourself back from that horrendous period. I'm in a terrible state too since nany years now and it's only getting worse. I wish I could get a chance to move out of this place, somewhere abroad and start afresh or atleast I'll have a healthier environment to put the needed efforts to be good but unfortunately that's not going to happen. It makes me sad that all the friends I had have left abroad for higher studies and are living their life to the fullest but here I am still stuck here, hopelessly.

[@melissabarnes777]

Perhaps a book! Thanks for sharing, very inspiring.. 😊

[@itsdokko2990]

I feel very much identified with your life experiences. I could say it's kind of similar, minus being abroad. Currently, i'm trying to make sense of this identity crisis i've found myself into. It did put a very strong smile on my face, one of those driven by happiness. I hope you keep having great moments in your life. Thanks a lot kind stranger!

[@donnelly5757]

I find it interesting that bullying can impact people in many ways. Some seem to not having those negative experiences phase them, where others carry that baggage throughout life.

[@TerranceBhS]

This is so reassuring and I wish someday I'll get to be in the same place as you. This is something I've always wanted in my life since I feel most at peace and happy with myself. When I'm around others, I start to lose my sense of self and sanity since I'm no longer living and acting out of what's best for me, but what is expected of me - and people's expectations can get really demanding at times.

[@BuzzLiteBeer]

Great to hear this perspective as a lifelong single guy without any real hope of finding a romantic relationship (in my 30's now and still feel invisible to women). I've been filling my life with adventure (wilderness backpacking, rock climbing, surfing) and investing in my friendships (a lot easier and more positive than my dating experiences). My life definitely feels more meaningful than in my 20s when I was desperate to find a girlfriend and now I can't even be bothered to try. I'm still some years away from truly ditching my efforts at a romantic relationship, but I'm getting there - I imagine it's very liberating.

[@cocobako2582]

Sounds great man! I'm glad for you, your life sounds awesome 💪

[@parker9012]

Same boat, as a guy who women don't find that arrractive, concentrating on friends and building up enough to not need to work have been my focus. At 31, looking around at some of my friends, honestly, it might be a blessing in some ways not to be attractive to women. I'm probably going to be able to leave the workforce in 4 years, with enough saved up to own a home outright, and probably a cabin or two in my favorite spots to travel to. Comparing that to my friend on his third marriage, who will probably have to work till he dies... IDK, it's not so bad. I will say this is a newer perspective, being a unattractive guy in your 20s, and desperately wanting a relationship is tough.

[@n1a316]

you have friends you're lucky

[@parker9012]

@n1a316 it's not as hard as you think. Most other guys are open to making a new friend. You just gotta ask! You just have to realize that most other guys are in the same boat as you, or were in that same boat, just try saying hi.

[@agatad.1407]

@@parker9012 Funny and yet you yourself have to realize that finding a relationship is not about looks

[@brycenwhitesides6866]

Thank you! What I learned: 1. Create emotionally salient/charged experiences that build your relationship with yourself and identity. 2. Create things- whether diy projects or art or contributing in some way like volunteering. There are other ways to fulfill one’s self by doing things that develop one’s identity in the world like contribution, doing creative things, pursuing a career not a job, and having a pet. All suffering and pleasure comes from inside not outside. I can change the way I feel and think about outside things by the meaning I give to what happens. The default in

[@diecar128]

Thanks for all the points. More often than not the video ends and I realized I spaced out a lot.

[@LUC0R]

Today, I was lost in a dark place, feeling powerless and helpless in my struggle to find deeper, meaningful connections with others. But this video was exactly what I needed-whether by chance or something greater, stumbling across it may have saved my life. Thank you, Dr. K., from the depths of my heart.

[@tessaparker4111]

From one stranger (who can totally relate) to another, I’m happy that you’re still alive and breathing on this planet. You’re strong and worthy of being here. And I’m proud of you for finding the strength to pull through that feeling of powerlessness. I hope that you find a brighter horizon. 🖤

[@marten2522]

❤

[@mitthrawnuruodo1730]

What helped me was sort of not desiring others to complete me. I had moments where being around others made me miserable because I thought they should make me feel better but in reality no one can make me feel any way but myself. I also tried to find out who I am through others but that didn’t give me what I needed: an identity. I grew up with social anxiety and depression stemming from undiagnosed neurodivergence so I didn’t have an identity. I’ve done a lot of work on my own and now I’m fine on my own but I’m not apposed to letting others join me in this journey called life. Just need to figure out what my journey is.

[@HR02]

God Allah always there be with him

[@nowie4007]

Same

[@matiasgaray470]

So you don't have social life at the moment, you rather prefer your solitude

[@Maverick-115C]

So you are like a Buddhist monk?

[@HR02]

God Allah is the journey

[@philintheblank1666]

This is reminding me of the film Perfect Days. It's a beautiful depiction of the simply life of a happy man in Japan who works as a toilet cleaner. I'll also add that, in response to changing your internal versus external circumstances, that there is merit to both. I focused a lot of my 20s on reorienting how I related to the world through meditation, psychedelics, etc. But what I think I needed, in retrospect, was to actually realize what "hey, maybe I do need a friend or two that I can confide in within physical proximity; hey, maybe pursuing this PhD is actually a pretty miserable experience and not aligned with what I want." Most people don't want to live like monks, despite the wisdom and applicability of Buddhist wisdom (I love this stuff and have been practicing it for 10 years!). This is implied, basically, but discernment is key. It's worth reflecting on what you actually want in life, not in terms of an absolute you-must-stick-to-this-plan-and-never-change kind of thinking, but rather where you want to go, what you want things to look like for now, and enjoying the process of getting there. Sometimes this involves changing your attitude, yes. But you must also look beyond generalized advice, too, beyond the science (which is based on averages and population-level inference) at your own life, decide for yourself how you want to live, and actually live it, which no one can tell you how to do. This might look like the "default" life (which never looks default the closer you look at anyone's life) or not. You get to choose. You do choose, one way or another.

[@gaz0428]

I have been working on myself my whole life. I have written several books. I'm an artist that is constantly learning. I am very proud of the things I have done. But I have never been good at making and keeping friends. I'm the friend that people want to be around when they need emotional support. But feel like no one is there when I need them. I know how to be on my own, but I feel like it's holding me back from connecting with others.

[@divyadiva84]

@@gaz0428 wow I am like that too

[@Lightningspiner]

I often find it more difficult to be happy with other people around than just by myself.

[@PatChatGC]

Yes I agree! As another commenter recommended me, I guess it might mean that we need to "find better people" lol

[@joonyanice52]

Same here

[@KomR4]

+1 But, i have to admit the last video with Dr K&Dr Honka changed my mind a little about this (schizoid part)

[@flynnoflenniken7402]

Yeah, I get lonely a lot by myself, but being around my family or old friends from my hometown is even more draining. I prefer the company of random strangers or just being by myself and accepting I'm going to feel lonely. Playing sports with strangers and joining book clubs has been nice for me.

[@LoreviQ]

Yeah it's strange. I never really feel lonely when I'm alone, I'm a very self-fulfilled person I suppose. But when I'm around other people and realise I'm not close with any of them (or particularly want to be ngl), that's when I feel lonely. It's this horrible kinda alienation where my differences to others are shoved in my face mixed with social shame? It's crap.

[@Chanel31113]

I’ve always described this as being in a relationship with yourself, and learning to love being in your own company

[@JerettySpaghetty]

People like you give me hope in this world and the people on it, myself included. Sometimes I feel so alienated, so unsalvageable that I don’t even want to try improving anything at all. But the way you breakdown and dissect these mindsets make me realize I’m just misguided and it happens to the best of us, even you. I hope you know what an impact you’ve had on the world Dr. K, you’re an inspiration to us all.

[@eternalyt5175]

I've been down for some time now, it's bad when you want someone who could listen and understand, but whenever you're around people it's just frustrating that they don't get you. It's paradoxical, feeling lonely and desiring company, and even more so when you have some company. In the end I've just resorted to trying to connect with myself more, journaling, talking to myself, and doing things that I like. Hope it gets better.

[@legendoflex6881]

Just remember everyone. Being happy and alone is much easier to learn how to do then to learn to be happy surrounded by people who bring you constant stress in your life. I speak as someone who has been alone, been surrounded by abusive individuals, been surrounded by toxic but well meaning individuals, and let go of the toxic and abusive people in pursuit of someone who loves and respects me…The goal ultimately in my opinion should be to find people that love and respect you. But if you have yet to find that, the next best thing is to be utterly alone. Yes some days there will be sadness and loneliness. But if you are surrounded by people that make your mental health worse, you will find so much inner peace finally getting to come home and not have to worry about who or what drama you may or may not have to deal with. I was numb and shut off when living with abusive people I was heavily depressed and anxiety prone dealing with toxic people I was a better when I had no one And then I was my happiest and most content when I found my special someone. Take it or leave it, but at this point I think it’s kinda common sense

[@JaysonT1]

Being in relationships with the right people is very easy to sustain

[@IslaHarris.]

I’m a 23 year old stay at home mom with a two year old. I have suffered from quite severe loneliness for two years now despite never being physically alone. This video couldn’t have been any better. Thank you for the work you do♥️

[@BrunoPozo4Real]

I’ve been blessed to be a person that enjoys my own company. I always found being alone fun and enjoyable. I get to do the things I want when I want with no worries for anyone else. Granted I did have friends and stuff. But moments of solitude never bugged me and in fact I always looked forward to them. Giving everyone who feels lonely a digital hug ❤

[@walterblack7426]

Thank you

[@ramirolucchesi8096]

When you truly understand the concept that you CAN shape your reactions to stuff outside of you, life gets better. It is quite difficult tough, at least for me its been a journey since I discovered this channel in late 2021, but oh boy it is worth it. Words cant describe how life changed for me when I started to pay attention in the way I reacted to life. Im so grateful to have found and stayed in this community. Truly appreciate everyone here!!

[@capital.B]

Man, I feel bad for those who haven’t found their internal peace and happiness yet. My depressed friend once asked me, ‘how are you so happy? You’re not in a relationship and you’re not even going out much. I can’t bear staying in alone. I need to go out, dancing, drinking’ and it’s the 1st time in my life that I learned some people really cannot be alone. I told them ‘well, I’m just a happy person with or without a relationship. If you don’t know how to be happy alone, you’ll never truly be happy anywhere. You just gotta sit and talk to yourself until you hear your inner voice clearer than the voice of other people’ I don’t know if they’ll ever understand what I mean.

[@briansinger4313]

My depressed friend once asked me, 'how are you so happy? You just gotta sit and talk to yourself until you hear your inner voice clearer than the voice of other people' I don't know if you'll ever understand what they mean. Severe MDD combined with chronic anxiety and chronic pain are dang near a death sentence. Especially when it drags on for decades.

[@capital.B]

@@briansinger4313 Maybe never, nor did I claim I do. They asked me, right? That's just how I deal with my inner world. Not that it's all sunshine and rainbow. There are certainly dark days but at the core, I'm at peace and happy with myself wherever, whenever. I just hope everyone can find it within themselves as well.

[@briansinger4313]

Thanks for clarifying...my brain isn’t quite working right. Of course, that is the whole problem in the first place. 🫠

[@capital.B]

@@briansinger4313 Sending love and positive vibes your way and I'm wishing you all the best in this journey. Hope you do find your peace one day.

[@briansinger4313]

@capital.B Thank you so much. 🧘‍♂️

[@alexandrevieiramendes6353]

I fully agree/believe on what you said. Still, there is a case to be made about sharing. Sharing is something very beautiful in life and it can't happen with no other human. Let's pretend were alone in the world, like i am the legend movie, and were definitely able to feel fullfilled in life. If we happen to see someone alive, what are we gonna do? I really believe were gonna run to them to share our experience, were gonna strive to feel comprehended and known. That adds to the fullfillment were already have, it doesn't replace it, but it enhances it and i truly believe is something we need, that little explosion of inspiration that comes after it.

[@Javy_Chand]

Let me share my experience... In high-school/middle school, I was used to being alone, and was happy with it. However, I decided to change for the better post-pandemia (It was at the last year of highschool the return of normalcy) So I changed. Became more social. So far so good. Then came uni. So far so good. Then I started to forget how great it was being alone... I could no longer enjoy it the same way as before. At some point, I started to crave social interaction. Even though it tires me out, I still seek for social interaction. Even though I do not know how to approach other people... Social interaction was the source of some of my current mental health problems. I would be better academically If I could simply not care anymore, but I physically can't go back again. Now, it tires me to do what I used to enjoy naturally, and what I can't easily get I crave more and more. Its inhabilitating. ...okay, let's watch the video now.

[@seen-bc9eq]

Hey there, i was also born in 2004

[@Javy_Chand]

@@seen-bc9eq Oh, right, the year I was born is implied. Good job figuring that out! (I guess?)

[@lucyferos205]

As someone that's been alone my whole life, that sounds like a nightmare.

[@Lodosj]

@@Javy_Chand you sound like me. I loved being alone, nowadays my life is more social and it feels like I can't be alone anymore

[@brandonwilliams532]

I have the EXACT same problem as you bro, where I was content being alone all my life and didn’t even consider it being “alone” until after I started to try to make more friends and join friend groups. But from getting rejected from them seemed to change my brain chemistry to where I now crave it as an introvert with low social skills like it’s a drug lmaoo. I’m with you that I also so desperately wish that I can go back to my former self who didn’t care about having friend groups as a signal of my inherent value and was very content with myself and my interests but I have no idea what button I need to press to “reset” me back to that point.

[@madhujohn7283]

Its official, you are my new favorite guy!❤ Man i could listen to you for hours! You make so much sense! No BS only facts! Awesome dude! 😎 PS. I'm a loner and i love it! 😊

[@LTropica]

Dr K... I am stuck.. STUCK on denying my IDENTITY because I'll been gaslight into thinking that my hobbies, my interests, what i love to do is worthless!!! Because art and writing (says my family, coworkers, neighbors) doesn't make you money or a career. I fear, fear, fear the looks I'd get from my family and coworkers if i EVER open up about what I love to do, which is why my identity has been shut away. It's no wonder I cry so often about why I can't seem to fit in or find friends when I fear opening up about what I really really love to do. I love being alone and doing the things that I love to do. The fear of judgement from the people around me has been so fierce that it bleeds into my alone time!!! I'm so done with this crap, I even lie to my therapist about myself. Thank you Dr K for this and all your videos. I've shared them with my sisters, we are in the process of learning about each other, you've been a catalyst to our family healing

[@septemberamyx]

If those things were actually fulfilling, you wouldn't care what others thought of what you do. If you are enjoying or satisfying yourself, screw them.

[@KillerofGods]

You don't have to make money or a career out of what you like to do, you can just do it because you enjoy doing it. And jf you can make some side money off of it and eventually turn it into a job great. If not, great, because it's something you enjoy. Shoot, if you really want a friend and you dont have any. I'll be your friend. Dont let simple things in life/society stress you out too much, or tell you what to obsess over.

[@philgmguitar4856]

39:15 is gold. Also, tremendous video as always. Thank you so much for your work, Dr. K. When you were talking about perspective and internal environment and how monks find contentment, I had to think of the philosophy of stoicism, which I think, in a nutshell, is about not letting things control you that you cannot control. It makes sense, and it is so difficult at the same time. I like being alone, but sometimes I don't like that I like being alone, if you get me, and it feels like I am missing out. But I realized that going out because of the fear of missing out is not solving the problem either.

[@donnelly5757]

As someone who is way below average looking and about to be ugly due to the fact I will need to have two teeth extracted due to gum disease, severe career failure for essentially all my 40s, severe lack of social skills, and the fact I will be 50 in less than three months, I am reaching the point where I'm searching for ways to be content living out my days alone. I figure the ship has already sailed for finding an intimate partner and or a close group of friends. I am in a position in life where I just want to have a modest amount of career success and take up some new hobbies and just live out my days living life on the edge whether it be skydiving, base jumping, high speed skiing, going after cycling Strava KOMs for downhill segments, cliff jumping, and any other high thrill activity. If I die doing something I love, it will be far far better than dying old, sick, and LONELY. It's time to live each day as if it's game seven!!

[@ruschev2]

If you're a man, it's never too late. Don't give up on your dreams, go start that family and shit. Also one more tip for your gum disease: cut out sugar and make sure to eat plenty of healthy high quality animal foods like grass fed beef, these will support your bone and dental health.

[@Photik]

Happy birthday. Proud you made it to that level in life. Keep going brother.

[@moritji6090]

Xylitol and coconut oil pulling (swishing) might help with your gums. It has helped me a lot with plaque build up but many people also reverse gum disease with these two.

[@gauravdeepsingh4478]

Maybe move out of the western world to find love?

[@MichalLSK]

you are not alone dont give up! enjoy what the f you want the rest of the years

[@MrWinMrWin-qr2bn]

Thank you so much Dr. K. No friends and no intimate relationship, I struggle with loneliness and low self esteem. Taking the mindset my value is not dependent on others or having relationships is key out of this hole of depression I’m in

[@davidzy4924]

After watching the Dystimia video, I realized: Hey... this really sounds like me. It's like emotional dependency + depression. It's been 6 years of me going through this cycle. Finding a favorite person, my life revolving around them, and the eventual downfall of when they leave. I used to be fine being alone, I wanted to be alone, but, after quarantine, I had too much free time. Too much loneliness. It was scaring. It made me realize that for me to live in a world without people to deeply care about and hang out with makes no sense to me. There's no point in living in a world like that, and, at the same time, I fear people, I avoid people that I don't know, I am terrified of them, can't bear the anxiety. Which basically means that I cannot obtain what I need to be happy in life. Forget being happy, more like, not being miserable. And let's not talk about having a relationship because that's even more unfathomable. I feel stuck. Because even if i somehow managed to get a gf, I dont think I would be able to deal with the constant fear, anxiety and jelousy that would come with that. I'm also certain that I wouldn't be able to trust them, I've seen many good people that I would have entrusted my life with cheat on their partners. I cannot trust anyone. Nor I can start a relationship from Tinder or sth like that. I need months of friendship and closeness for me to develop feelings and to feel secure into the possible relationship. The problem is when that moment comes they probably will only see me as a friend. I can only come to the logical conclusion that there's no out for me. But I want to have hope that, maybe through this video I could be able to enjoy my alone time so I'm at least a little bit less miserable.

[@richardlin2359]

24M here. Unemployed (software engineer job market and whatever) and single. I've always spent my life tieing my worth to what utility I have to others, so as my friends have started to drift apart into their own lives (not drifting apart, just into their own routines) I've been on a journey to finally define what my individual identity is. It's been rough, but it's the content like this that validates my experiences.

[@alugrof]

I'm in my mid 30s, have lived alone for years with minimal friends and never having a partner and I feel peacefully content. People ask me if I didn't get lonely which made me thinking for a whole month the real meaning and feeling of loneliness, and whether there's a hidden loneliness that I didn't notice. I still don't think I've ever felt it! I hope everyone can also live their life with peace of mind whether alone or with their loved ones

[@Gustmazz]

At first it was really hard for me to be alone. As an artist, I agree with everything you said here in this video. I noticed that creating things, with my own hands, helps dramatically with loneliness and purpose. I truly do believe that the cure for loneliness is finding your own identity and then using it to shape the world in a meaningful way. Your videos help me so much with this. Things are much better now. Thank you, Dr. K, You're an awesome human being!

[@0bbie96]

27 year old male here. I’m in shape. Not ugly. And I struggle a lot mentally when I’m single. Ever since I was like 7 years old I remember telling my mom that I was afraid of dying alone? Where the hell did that even come from. I’ve tried to wrap my head around why a 7 year old and throughout my entire life I’ve had this fear of never meeting my person. And damn in today’s dating world that fear is amplified. I’ve turned to the gym to try and make me feel better. But it only works so well. Got a dog. She’s great. But still there’s that void there. Idk what’s up

[@UnknownXlll]

Yes I understand that fear of ending up alone but what really scares me is being with the wrong person I don't want to be with someone who can't understand me and doesn't appreciate me as I am. Relationships require some kind of showing of weakness and that shit hurts because it plays on a sensitive chord and no one likes to be stabbed

[@hpfusion8842]

Im nearly 27 and have been single my whole life. It sux. It truly does but it is what it is. You gotta just do what u gotta do

[@anemptyshell]

You're human, we're still a prosocial species at the end of the day. It's for sure of tremendous value to learn to live on your own and be okay with it. At the end of the day though, if you are in such a solitary situation not out of your own desire but because other people reject you, that will still sting, no matter what. On some level we all desire a deep connection with someone, I think all this modern stuff about "just be okay with being alone forever" or not needing a partner are just copes that we use to deal with life in an increasingly atomized society.

[@reddbendd]

Dying alone is not the same thing as being by yourself. I basically refused to leave the house for 5 years on the off chance my grandfather would die alone.

[@0bbie96]

@ that is not at all what I’m talking about

[@dragonqueen7328]

I literally had this conversation with someone online. He was going on and on about how he had money, looks, everything, but he couldn't get a girlfriend. I told him that girls can smell desperation a mile away. He needed to tone down the desperation because it drives people away. But he had the mindset that he couldn't overcome the desperation without getting a girlfriend first. He was trapped in a paradox of his own making

[@arnoldnutter8474]

FINALLY a video that doesnt say 'oh you're lonely? well finding friends is a great way to...'. Finally tips for the lonelies

[@UnknownXlll]

Exactly! Like man I have friends and family but still feel lonely and like something missing I don't know what it is ...

[@D.von.N]

Man, you speak absolute truth. I am listening to you while stabbing fabric million times with 90 different colours of threads. It is about a 3 years lasting project and it will look magnificent on the wall. Like about a dozen of other smaller ones. Peopleing is quite exhausting. The lockdowns were probably the best times of my life, plenty of time for doing diy and crafting. And sleeping as much as needed.

[@TokyoBlue587]

Tbh I kind of enjoyed that part of the pandemic-being able to work at home, sleep, relax, no social obligations, do my arts and crafts projects

[@videooblivion]

This is the most important video you have ever produced, IMHO. Especially for queer loner men like me who, statistically, do not and will not find lasting romantic relationships. (Yes, fam, your mileage may vary, etc.) After decades of seeking happiness in the arms of another person, I have begun to find it within. I’ve become more fulfilled after I stopped dating and using the apps - especially *that* one. (Yes, boys, you know which one I’m talking about! 😈)

[@NeoWings]

Just got dumped by my fiance kinda out of the blue, and it really destroyed my sense of reality for a little while. Relearning to enjoy being alone has been honestly a huge revelation. I began to accept my relationship wasn't what I thought it was and since it ended, I've been making a choice to try and socialize more, reconnect with friends and family more, something that's always been my weakness when I became so hyperfocused on my romantic relationships. I accepted relationships are not a panacea for everything in life. A strong foundation begins with you and yourself. Feel like the king/queen that you are!

[@givthegav]

Nothing makes me more angry than when someone tells me, "Become a volunteer", "try make the world a better place" No. My whole life I was volunteering to do free stuff for people just to compensate for my sense of worthlessness. My whole life I was trying to make everything better for everyone around me because that was the only way people would see me and hear me and sometimes appreciate me. I'm fucking tired of this shit. I don't want to volunteer for nothing. Why should I always do it? I'm so fucking tired. Why not others would try once just once to volunteer for me?

[@SimonM.-xz1qh]

:) hi! Than.. I volunteer to sometimes listen to you. How about that?

[@rusticcloud3325]

Sometimes I do low-key think like this. But I try to socially connect with the kids that I volunteer for. To be honest that kinda makes me feel better. Like I am happy that they are happy, I am sad when they feel sad. Just my two cents here

[@givthegav]

@@SimonM.-xz1qh ❤

[@jm7804]

I think you're either happy being alone or you're not. I'm not sure that you can talk yourself into enjoying being alone if you're the type of person who enjoys being surrounded by others. It's like convincing a loner to get married and crank out a bunch of kids. They can go through the motions, but it's not going to be living their best lives. One thing that was missed in the video was the legacy aspect of having a relationship and children. Many people wonder if they will be remembered when they're gone. If you live your adult life alone you will be forgotten soon after your passing. That is a big motivator for some folks.

[@IvanskiYakinovski]

Being alone is great when you don't think about why being alone sucks. Being alone only really hits now when I'm sick and unable to take care of myself. It's really a gamble if you survive or not.

[@JaysonT1]

Oh come on. If you're that sick, go to the hospital

[@IvanskiYakinovski]

@@JaysonT1 yeah and end up with a bill that makes you unable to pay the rent. It's called the american dream

[@rail7646]

@@IvanskiYakinovski luckily in europe we have health insurance

[@pastelo33]

THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED EXACTLY WHEN I NEEDED IT thank you so much

[@cashnoisette1505]

this video is INSANE, thank you so much, much depth, happy happy

[@commenter30]

After recently separating with my ex-fiancée, I felt like I had lost one of life’s biggest purpose and my happiness. I needed this video.

[@MonkeyNeuronActivation]

I'm happily alone (I DIY tons of stuffs in workshop), but I still prefer if there's someone along the journey who I can share my joy and achievements with.

[@asiro85]

39:37 I really get it now, Dr.K. Thank you for showing me this and allowing me to understand that even if I'm surrounded by people, friends, family; the true happiness will only come from the inside, not from a external source. And even if I deny this, if I did not believe that, thinking I must have another person to fill my emotional gap, I can finally see now... The concepts in this video were very significant to me, I've already watched it many times, even it was published just 2 days ago, and I never did that with any other educational video. Thank you.

[@grantpeterson2524]

This... this is the video I need right now. Thank you so much Dr. K. I'm not religious, but there is something beyond coincidence here. 2 years ago today, I was extremely lonely at 20 years old. I was 330 pounds. I bettered myself by losing 130 pounds, teaching myself to code, learning a new language, focusing on my mental health, and now have a great job at 22 making 6 figures. But socially, despite these changes, I've still really struggled in dating and friends despite doing my best. Not yet been in a relationship. It sucks, but for the past few months, my heart has been telling me it's time to move on to acceptance of being alone long term so I don't need to continuously have my hopes dashed. This video is the last piece of the puzzle I needed to get started on that process of acceptance, so thank you.

[@solha5751]

What about family bro?

[@solha5751]

And how did you reach 6 fig bro like, what do you do?

[@affordablehousing9116]

6 figures at 22?

[@marten2522]

love that ur happy with the improvements made, sounds like hard work!

[@fenixphucks3331]

For me I’ve had relationships come and go, and I’ve been burned by so many of the people I let get close to me. I feel incompatible with most people and I’m starting to resent others. It’s getting easier to be happy by myself, I try staying busy with things I enjoy doing everyday. Quitting marijuana made it a lot harder for me recently, feels like I’m always lonely when I haven’t felt really alone in years.

[@NEPtune-fy1ug]

hey Dr K, great video and love the insights. how do I convince myself that i'm not just coping when following this advice in regards to finding a relationship. as you said, things like jobs, hobbies, artistic pursuits are all aspects where us humans can gain fulfillment and "postnut clarity". i feel like a relationship/partner makes life whole, where it definitely isn't the most important part of life, but a significant one, that i cannot shake off.

[@estellamaryse]

Thank you dr k I really needed this right now after my breakup 😢

[@CalvinFernandez-db9gm]

From my experience, finding a passion or a hobby you can dedicate your life and soul over is definitely possible to feel just as or even more fulfilling than a relationship. This is especially true if the passion is tightly tied to your identity as a human. If you can find the thing you want to do the second you wake up every morning into the night every single day, you'll begin to wish to be in solitude just to do it.

[@sociallyawkwardhuman7170]

I actually feel more lonely with people. When I am alone, I don't feel lonely. It comes from feeling misunderstood by other people, I think.

[@Madchris8828]

I can definitely get thet. Finding the "right" people to be around matters quite a lot.

[@lalithakrishnamurthy9663]

I resonate with you I want to be around people and when Iam with people after few hours I want to be alone feel desperate to run away from people .quite confused!I can’t take longer association with people even family members!

[@CelineHiM]

When you are lonely with other people, it is because you can't be your authentic self when being around them

[@rushklvn]

I feel the same way

[@DeferFuncClose]

That's how I feel as well. It's important to find the right people to be around. Having just a few very meaningful relationships is better than having a huge group of friends in my opinion.

[@Sievet]

Haha, DINK couple of loners right here. This is so on point. We DIY the crap out of everything to the point where we could actually make a career out of some of this stuff if we wanted to. It is very fulfilling and also takes so much time! But it is a very nice, cozy feeling that we can afford to be luxurious with our time and spend hours, entire weekends or even weeks on various projects. Life is good. Also: two dogs give us some external responsibility as well.

[@usersss100]

we cant change the environment and events that make us unhappy. but how we internalize outcomes of events affects our level happiness/unhappiness. thats where therapy comes in for those who cant figure it out. i learn to accept negative outcomes, no matter how harsh it can be. yes, i will feel sad, demotivated etc, but dont let it sit for too long. with a positive mindset, negative outcomes becomes a lesson, something i can learn from; will be cautious if similar things happen again, plan more in advanced etc. so if we can manage how we handle our thoughts well, even if we are alone, we can still feel a sense of contentment within us.

[@blast4ce]

my secret to being happy alone is watching your videos. you've helped me so much, and for free.

[@FlatEarthTheory]

This is literally one of the best dr K videos. Information here is mindblowong

[@n1ladr1]

I don't feel bad being all by myself but the thing that bugs me is that I am missing out on a much happier life which would be possible only if I had social connections.

[@elizabethquirk5912]

It's as possible that putting other people in your life could make you really stinking miserable. If not knowing bugs you, follow some "how to" advice and give it a try. Just remember that you didn't feel bad by yourself, so if social connections make you feel worse, you'll know that either those are the wrong connections or that's too much connecting for your taste.

[@omegapanda9980]

I'm so happy this came out. I'm in the position where I'm very content. I'm an artist that was/and is still perusing a career in the games industry. My friends are those I've had for a while, and they are my social life online and off. I don't have a wish to really get in a relationship or anything like that and I love being alone. While i wouldn't mind a relationship, I'm not craving it at all. I'm 26 and all I want to do is work on my personal project; but I feel societal pressure and the stigma, of "you must get in a relationship or somehow you're a failure or missing something". I love what's happening right now, i enjoy being introverted, I have found a balance and regulated the negative and positive influences in my life, and I don't want to shake the boat if i really don't have to. The idea that is fine to be alone always gets the most volatile reactions and i feel like it's going to push me eventually to follow suit mentally. It's nice that the video speak that "it's fine to be alone and derive contentment from other sources; and that you can sustain yourself on just that. Maybe that will change come some time, but i never hear anyone talking about the "airtightness of being alone"

[@Blue_Blaze72]

Amazing timing on this one. This year my focus has been on building my self worth and confidence and I've been realizing that what I am missing at this point are friends, and a support network I can trust. I will still try to reach out and meet people next year but I will keep this mindset in mind and also work on my own contentment when alone.

[@sas.quatch]

thank you dr. k for telling me that it's ok to be alone. recently, i feel lonely because i want someone to talk to. i found online friends but i noticed that they are not responding to my messages though they respond to others. my in real life friends are seldom online as well. i am working at home for years and i sometimes think that i want to work in an office setup again. thank you for reminding me that there is happiness in solitude. i focus my attention and happiness on other things instead.

[@Repienk]

You read my mind Dr. K. Im currently trying to figure out how to exist alone while im taking a gap semester living at home. I feel okay being alone. I dont miss anything or being around people, yet i dont feel okay and never felt okay while at school and i think you just explained why. Its because i wasnt producing enough and succeeding in the things i cared about with my time. even though i had amazing relationships and did all sorts of fun and amazing things, none of it was fulfilling i still felt empty like i was wasting my life. Even though i thought and felt like i had to be doing those things to not miss out on life, doing those things never made me feel like i was living my life. I think its because i was doing those things out of Fear Of Missing Out on things i could have and experience in the world, instead of creating what i wanted in the world with my own hands. I was trying to have what i wanted by being apart of things like it instead of actually creating it. no amount of external experiences changed how i felt internally. I think i needed and need to be creating what i value and want in my life through my own actions without being handed it and always prioprtize doing that over having any external experience. Looking back i dont think i ever felt any different after doing something out of FOMO, i only felt relieved at most and most of the time worse because i felt i didnt do enough.

[@davidpetit7334]

I've never appreciated and connected with a video more. Thank you Dr. K!

[@oliver1784]

I think the issue is that people think too much about themselves and assume too much about others, aka dont think about them. We need other people so that we can feel like we exist among other things, and yet people dont think about others and let themselves be consumed in the protection of themselves and maybe a couple loved ones. (if you think about others through your ego and with bias towards them, you are not thinking of them. You are thinking of your view of them.) No. You should care about everyone you meet and if the world is right, everybody will start doing this too. People will still make mistakes and have bad days and bad tempers, but its about how we contextualise the things that happen between us that makes them what they are. Facts are not a thing, we should really stop being as egoistical as we are to say we really know anything. We dont, we only know what we have felt and what others have conveyed to us, which is also us feeling. I say this as a human, same as you reading this. I dont think im 100% right but I have listened and cared about everyones opinion I could for a long time now and nobody is talking about this. Why? Maybe I just looked in the wrong places but it does feel like very rarely does anyone truly care about others. Which is insane since they define what we even know to be "true", everyones opinion and world view is equal, when others try to go over this line though it becomes a paradox since how do I agree with someone who thinks im wrong and still think im right? Well maybe they just dont know yet. We should be more open to conversation and openness. Communicate so we know.

[@Trammiliin_nr2]

This touch and pets thing is so true! I have cPTSD, ADHD, insomnia, and a dog. When I can’t fall asleep, I call my dog to put our backs together. She jumps on my bed and lies down head next to my pillow, and back pushed against my back. It helps me to fall asleep better than all the breathing techniques and mindfulness tricks. But I must admit she’s the only pet I’ve had who could do it, as she’s smart enough to understand the task. Previously I had two more dogs and one of them had to sleep in the livingroom, as she was such a loud sleeper. Even if when she had an opportunity to sleep in my bed, she tried to highjack my pillow. Another dog was annoyed that it gets too hot and started pushing me away with his paws. I’ve also had cats. One of them bit me if I didn’t feed him at 5 a.m… so, the sleeping aid dog I have right now is an excemption. 😂

[@BLADER5211]

Haven't watched it yet but I teared up just by looking at the timing of the video. That's how deeply loneliness has hurt me. Ofc this video isn't going yo magically solve my problems but I hope it helps.

[@byronraymond244]

I’m wishing you well in your healing 🙏🏻

[@BLADER5211]

@@byronraymond244 Thank you so much for the kind wishes. I wish you the same too and I hope you are doing well ✨

[@Hatem_Sabour]

Man I just want to thank you for giving us these insights it is really helpful especially because it is scientific based and you know what are you talking about, unlike some other youtubers who don't know what are they talking about giving shitty advice while caring most about making money

[@Madchris8828]

This is one of the best Dr. K video I've seens. Thank you for this video, it provides a lot of perspective and investigation into what makes people happy too. Thank you Dr. K and team.

[@ox-po363]

This is the gold! The concept is matching mindfulness and a more deep, comprehended, and self-sufficient life. Thank you so much!

[@dend1]

28:00 Choose Horny, stupid and Lonely vs Contented, Focused and Motivated 36:40 The goal 39:15 This is a truth nugget. We attach to needing someone else because we are scared of actually learning to be ok with never finding someone

[@vickichadwick7508]

I find it hard to give up on finding love yet it seems like l should

[@dend1]

@vickichadwick7508 First step is to acknowledge that you're looking for a human being, not a fantasy. It's also going to likely take time. Plenty of room to grow while you keep at it.

[@laurieariel890]

This resonates a lot! I recently learned my work position is being axed in a few months, and it put a lot of thins into perspective. It was very much a Job That Pays The Bills, and not even in my field of study, but it gave me stability through the pandemic. Now, that stability is gone, but it is also the potential push I need to give my creativity space and time to grow! Even if I don't change industries, I'm trying to spend more time writing, drawing and learning gamedev stuff in my free time! How you spend your days is how you spend your life, after all! So that seems like a concrete example of something happening externally, and being able to change it as it passes thru me...!

[@kojironovach.7649]

holy crap i'm early if you're reading this, you matter even if your brain tells you otherwise. push through the dark period, the difficult feelings are necessary for growth and all part of the human experience.

[@Jungkooks_managerr]

@@kojironovach.7649 thankyou so much

[@Jungkooks_managerr]

Thankyou so much

[@duchadang]

I need this. Thank you

[@itzeliii1684]

@@kojironovach.7649 thank you. you too 😊

[@themagicminstrels476]

@@kojironovach.7649 it’s been like this for over four years now. I dropped out of college because I couldn’t handle these feelings, and it’s practically ruined my life. I was set to go to school and learn music composition and lead a “normal” life, and it all came crashing down around me. I’m now stuck working at a cold warehouse everyday and feel ugly, washed up, and like a loser. I don’t know how to escape this.

[@athleticos99]

I think on my part and life alone, the biggest factor that lead to unhappy self is like you said, the notion i held on based on past experiences, traumatic PSTD and all the thing to justify my rights to be resentful, to be hateful, to hold on to certain degree of avenge and wanting justice is what really trap me from happiness from within, and again what is within need to be solved from within, which is to let go that resentment, let go the unfairness, to change my notion and belief system and narration of what had happened. and peace and grateful to be alive and 2ndly, i think another issue with human is the attachment like buddhist perspective, it mentioned, a lot about human pursuing this and that externally, the endless desire for better car, better lifestyle, better relation, all that desire is a form of attachment to things externally is what is actually stop us from truly content and be happy as opposed to letting go of everything and be detached. detachment here could mean u can have all the material things we need to survive in modern world and yet we are not attached to it, meaning, i just temporary own the thing and use it and i can let it go as if it is not mine when i need to go and leave the world. and there is also many form of attachment not just to material things and relationship, but as i said earlier, is the attachment to notion, or our belief system we carry since young, how we judge thing, how we perceive thing, what is good and bad but rather to see thing is a more rational , wiseful manner of understand thing so we wont get so much entangled emotionally. meaning to have or not to have don't matter like A's in our test, or to have certain goals achieve or wanting things to be or certain way, in short we stop controlling thing so much and stop judging thing so much, and lastly to have certain right principles that need to be aligned with the conscience like truthfulness, kindness and being tolerance, without that we can just engage in many wrongful act, like sexual misconduct, gambling, alchohol, all kind of addiction, killing , porn, all this is a form of enticement also a form of desire and attachment, to be free, we need to be free from all those wrongdoings and in fact involve in more noble act, as we live in today's world which is inevitable to have social connection and we are social beings, being in solitude is good but we cant avoid connecting to human especially and therefore acting noble like being kind, smile , charitable and friendly are also traits that can lead to a more happier self

[@ConservativeSatanist666]

Listening to this as I cook my steak preparing for dinner.. before watching anime lol **I love what you said though when it comes to feeling like you're wasted time if you played video games all day. It's true that any more I can't play video game all the way through because I end up guilt tripping myself. "Isn't there something more important I should be doing?" I don't think there's anything wrong with taking time for yourself and relaxing but my brain does it to me anyway even if I've been busy. One of the ways that I've managed to feel less guilty or to make my mind leave me alone is if I paint something or helped out someone that day. Feeling productive in a way that feels like you've left something behind or made an impression always gives better endorphins. At the end of the day you feel like you've affected the world and not just your space.

[@Rtr.AmanJha]

Holy yapping of the yappingsons

[@jusatesst]

Ignore that first reply they're being dumb

[@Rtr.AmanJha]

@@jusatesst i don't remember ordering a yappachino?

[@ConservativeSatanist666]

@@jusatesst thanks 🙂

[@TedsHoldOver]

To be happy alone, you must first become the person you want to be. If you don't like yourself, you will have no chance.

[@felicia2292]

I usually don't comment on your videos, but this couldn't have come out in a better time, thankk you so much!

[@k9s2music65]

Dr K has such a good skill at taking research and evidence based conclusions and transferring that to a wider audience. I’ve been able to heal so much by taking his advice and incorporating meditation into my daily practise. I really wish he knew how much his work means to me

[@tdtrecordsmusic]

the problem w/ being alone has nothing to do with the person not being content alone... its the being alone year after year that breaks us down. I'm definitely happy alone. fine alone. have fun alone. however, when the years press on... in other words > its not that I can't be alone > its more that its annoying af having to be alone for ... ugh , well over 40 days & 40 nights ... more like a complete f in decade ...

[@amberfusto5906]

I used to hate being alone till I realized all of this time alone, was the best way for me to get to know myself. I don’t need someone else to do that. If I barely know myself this is the best time to try new things, find new hobbies, new passions, reflection, faith, spirituality. If I know myself then people will be drawn to come and know me

[@sybersandy]

Monks live in a community!

[@p1body723]

Monks have teachers, they eat together, meditate together. They receive donations from people. They are very connected and never alone

[@sybersandy]

@@p1body723 my cousin is a monk and runs a catholic monastery, he s like a ceo

[@JtothePrez]

They usually live outside or away from society, though.

[@JaysonT1]

You missed the point! Loneliness has NOTHING to do with how many people you are around. It is a state of mind. BTW, monks often spend a tremendous amount of time alone.

[@foreveryoung999]

I live on a spectrum. From being surrounded to being left all alone. Nothing beats being alone. Such bliss & peace.

[@spectacularrobotToys]

I don't know if this would help anyone but this one manga literally changed my way of view to loneliness. It's called "Yugami-kun doesn't have any friends.". It's no drama or anything but it's an old slice of life of a high schooler guy who enjoys being alone. Most of my life, I struggled to have friendships as an introvert. There were times I was shunned or there were times I just lacked the courage to keep up with the social life's pressure. Like you can't always be the invited part, you have to invite people to hang out. But there's also a pressure of "What if they dislike me?" or "What if I'm being a bother?". Anyways, since I read the manga I mentioned, I changed my view to "I have to adapt myself to society" to "I can have fun alone.". Don't misunderstand though, it's not like those edgy teenagers in media and severe yourself from people to look cool, it's just you don't have to rely on social life to be happy. You don't have to keep other's away for no reason, but you can be happy by yourself. I read it so long ago but it kept it's place in my mind due to the huge impact it gave me on my view of life.

[@Kareena1988]

I watch japanese dramas and one I liked is "Freeter ie wo kau"...it is also about finding your passion.

[@Kareena1988]

Pierre xo also made a new video about not adjusting to society to feel yourself

[@p1body723]

Thank you for recommendation💛

[@shararan23]

One of the best manga I’ve ever read ❤

[@AninomousUser]

ill check it out

[@roymustang08]

Its funny you mentioned eulogy. My friend’s mom taught him that the person’s effect in the world can be measured based on how many people attend their funeral. Looking back to what i have done in the past, it always put a smile to my face knowing i have a healthy amount of friends that will be there when my time finally comes. 😊

[@bubblysprinkles]

1.Identity- figure out who we are 2.Contribute-To society 3.Reflection- on what we achieved/Failed at

[@walterblack7426]

Recently, I have been finding a way to how to be happy on my own and this video just pop up on my homepage. Watched your many videos but this one will definitely solve so many of my problems. Thank you HG

[@eggchant]

If changing your internal judgement is what makes you happier or unhappier. What if my mind thinks playing video games all day is totally chill and a great use of time? Does it make me feel fulfilled while simultaneously making my life worse?

[@peterscasny2803]

Hit a nail on the head again and the timing is just perfect for me. Thanks for what you do man.

[@Edlorans]

the timing of this guys videos always amazes me lol

[@lukedanielgalon1596]

Personally this what you call peace

[@fairks7876]

Just moved out of my parents house into a new city. I've started to feel really really lonely right now. Watching this gave me well needed clearity. Thank you 🙏🏻

[@chrisbenoit5044]

Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.

[@Malaikamuskan-v5z]

Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!

[@ejmabrothers6743]

Yes, steve_porassss_. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.

[@speedemonxs]

I wish they were readily available in my place. Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac. He's constantly talking about killing someone. He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.

[@Malaikamuskan-v5z]

Is he on instagram?

[@ejmabrothers6743]

Yes he is Steve_porassss_

[@earthcookie2991]

Spot on. The way we filter things in our brains determines how we perceive reality. This is important when it comes to controlling how we feel.

[@SpunkeyMonkeyJess]

This is the most life changing video of yours I have watched so far. Thank you Dr. K❤

[@zeddiepie2948]

this is me ever since... well really don't know I've always wanted to be alone... because my friends always didn't go anywhere when I want to hang out somewhere... but when they are the one who want to go somewhere I'm always there... that's how I build myself to be happy alone because no one will give you the happiness if you rely on others. Now in that extent I'm happy traveling alone, eating on resto alone, playing games alone, it's not bad as they thought it would be. It's just basically do some activities by yourself that you will enjoy.

[@GeorgeHafiz]

at the end of a long term relationship i went travelling to both 'discover myself' and learn to be happy being alone, as i knew this was an old challenge i had. 'unfortunately' i met another girl soon into the trip and put too much stock into having that relationship be the new source of happiness. unsurprisingly it didn't work out, but we live and learn! echoing others' sentiment, thank you for normalising the fact that whilst many DO find happiness extrinsically, many others still can genuinely find it without; which is neither a failure nor worse, it's just different.

[@LacuLacuLacu]

I really needed to hear these things. I appreciate you. I wish I had enough cash to have a one on one with you. You sound like an incredible guide.

[@batman5224]

I think there’s a difference between choosing to be alone and being forced to be alone. Trying to rationalize why being alone is good in that circumstance just feels like a cope. I’ve spent my twenties writing books. I’ve written 7 and gained tremendous satisfaction out of it, but there’s a part of me that still feels empty. Success doesn’t mean as much if you don’t have anyone to share it with. I don’t think we need a ton of friends to be happy, but I do think it is beneficial to have at least two or three friends outside of your immediate family who you can confide in. I don’t even have that. Even according to the Bible, it’s not good for man to be alone. We have an instilled desire to want companionship. I think one of the reasons why it’s so difficult to make friends is because of the lack of third places, especially if you don’t live in a major city. It’s not that we don’t have like-minded people around us; it’s that we’re all stuck in our houses without any way to connect, and if we try, we’re labeled as creepy. That’s a major problem. It’s made me feel incredibly depressed and nihilistic. It’s depressing to be almost 30 and not have any friends. I can’t imagine why my life would be any different at 40.

[@Madchris8828]

I think a huge problem with modern living is the lack of community often and also the fact we spend a disproportionate amount of time working to resting or socializing

[@MrWinMrWin-qr2bn]

Yep, think this is specific to men too. Checking in for the sake of checking in is not something most men do.

[@gilbertporter4992]

In your experience, how has trying made you or others labelled as creepy?

[@batman5224]

@@gilbertporter4992 It’s more like people look at you with suspicion or apprehension. They dismiss you in their gaze and turn around with scorn or indifference.

[@CoOlKyUbI96]

I think it might be helpful to slightly alter the terminology? Because when I think of loneliness I think of it meaning the person did not intend to be isolated and is unhappy about it. I think what you’re describing is something different since it doesn’t seem like you’re unhappy with being isolated

[@leticiadorado]

I love how he explains everything! I first heard him on DOAC and now I love watching his videos

[@dillonmurray592]

“ It’s not just because you’re lonely it’s because you don’t do anything” Danmm that hits

[@rail7646]

hit in the right place though

[@synap5terr]

This year I've traveled outside of my country for the first time ever. And alone at that. Even though there were a moments, that I felt kind of lonely, it was amazing. It made me appreciate myself a little bit more. Thank you, Dr. K!