I Wasn't There For My Mom -- Matt Honeycutt of Kublai Khan

[@nicolasspevak6327]

I remember him talking about this during his set at warped tour...afterwards I went to his tent and shook his hand...great man

[@cosmic_regret_nahimjk1063]

Yeah he talked about this when he was in Detroit

[@samuellightsey1551]

Literally one of the best frontmen in heavy music history. So much respect for Matt Honeycutt.

[@akuma9901]

What a good dude. Seems real humble and timid as opposed to the complete monster he is when that microphone is in his face.

[@wizardhands1776]

That complete badass monster you mean. 😏

[@akuma9901]

@@wizardhands1776 I said what I meant.

[@wizardhands1776]

@@akuma9901 cant tell if you got offended or not with my comment. Didn't mean to make it come off that way homie.

[@derindengelen3911]

never ever accept as reality what you see on stage. matt, gojira's joe... are all human. we all have anger, we all timid, we all feel guilty...

[@SelfAppointedMartyrVocalistGuy]

Man, a quieter area for an interview would be awesome.

[@Grizz42069]

agreed.

[@DanielOrtiz-dp6gf]

Trey Wilkins facts

[@Gmailsquad]

Real as hell. Nothing hurts more than losing a loved one. I fear losing my mom would be the fall of me. Life can be a series of traumatic events. Sometimes we can only get ourselves out of the shit.

[@andresflores1782]

Seriously

[@harrisnoland]

That’s what you took from this? Not hating, kinda sorry for ya tho lmao, all love

[@PrimitiveAK]

one of the most genuine Texas accents ive heard in years lmao

[@tightywhitey9779]

I was not expecting that. I knew they were from rural Texas though.

[@jeremygastrock8711]

FACTS

[@yeahnahyeah]

This is why I love hardcore in all its forms, just real and raw.. Something that anyone who has struggled can relate too

[@lightningmonky7674]

Gotta be hardcore to get through this fucked up world

[@CFM760]

I knew I felt something with his lyrics, my mom was an alcoholic sense I was 12 or so, did meth when I was about 15 and after that she wasn't the same and we tried to help, AA, NA, mental hospitals, sober living, section 8, we did what we could. She was a good person and no ever deserves that life, but just like Matt said, it was just a big 20 year long mistake, i told her she was going to die if she didn't change, and it finally caught up to her and she died about 4 months ago. this really hits home.

[@HeartSupport]

Man, I'm so sorry to hear that connor...crazy how people who we love, with hearts that at their core are so good, can be tied up in so much brokenness...some parts of life really suck man...I just had a friend of mine OD yesterday, and thinking back on so many memories we had together...it just sucks to feel the loss of their presence, of their soul. As you walk through this pain, know that whatever you're feeling is okay to feel, and that the fastest way out of the "night" is actually not to chase the sunset, but to turn and run into the darkness towards the sunrise. Facing the pain and the emotions is the best way forward. Happy you're talking about it man, proud of you. You are not alone in this, for sure.

[@MichaelMartire]

I wish you the best brother.

[@jordanrochester6030]

much love from the north east of England brother. 💙

[@petarserafimov]

Stay strong man, wish you all the best!

[@countdoogula2781]

Spot on comments in here. I suffer from anxiety and extreme depression. I can no longer drive, work, or really look after myself in a lot of ways. Every day is a struggle to keep my head above water and to not give in to the voice in my head telling me to cut my own throat. Seeing someone I respect as much as Matt talk about these issues really helps. I can't put it into words, as I'm in public typing this and I'm fighting back tears, but thanks so much to HeartSupport for sharing this video, and thanks to Matt for sharing his story. Today, I feel a little bit less alone.

[@kastro8065]

Damn, almost got no words. Sometimes a video just finds you in a serendipitous way, literally just learned and been diving into this band, and then found this video. Going through something similar, though not nearly as severe. This was a really powerful video to watch randomly. The comments here also bring a lot of solidarity too. This is such a tough thing to go through.

[@WOMPCRASH]

Really hit home with me, my mom died this past April due to suicide, it’s my cross to bear the rest of my life and I wasn’t there for her. It feels good to know I’m not alone thank you dude

[@morbidlust999]

Wesley Tyler my mom passed around 2015 I know how that feels

[@christianbruner779]

hope you're doing okay bro

[@bigolehonk9832]

It’s been 3 years since this comment but I hope you’re doing good man.

[@Al-pv8gb]

this man is real af. so much respect for him after watching this.

[@TheNOBODY2810]

His voice. It’s so soft and calming.

[@revolution1423]

One of the worst beliefs in a human is that they will be considered "weak" if they talk about their depression or anxiety. Some people are really good at hiding it and you would never expect it. Lost two friends to suicide in three years and both had everything going for them and were so happy on the surface. It is critical to talk about it otherwise the voices will consume you and tell you that you are not good enough.

[@brock-182]

Saw them front row at Warped Tour Phoenix in 106 degree heat and it was easily worth it. He told this story at the show and it hit hard.

[@jcooper68991]

Brave. No one benefits, when no one shares. Condolences Matt. Keep living, so your mom will live through you.

[@Narumi4918]

Much love to Matt for opening up like this. I hope his mother is resting easy now. She didn't deserve to go like that, and I hope he doesnt carry this guilt for the rest of his life. He doesn't deserve that, either.

[@CatWomanInParadise]

I look up to this man so much. I love the music, the videos and all that but the getting to know this man on a personal level has been amazing. I remember hearing more about struggles but I also remember being told after that picture with him that I won't ever forget that it is okay, it gets better and you can work it out. Mad respect for you as always, love you! Thank you for making my night incredible with this video and the whole channel Heart Support. With Care -Cat ^.^

[@jefferyclark4088]

Been in the same place with my mom..... it's very hard to go through....ur music really does help cope with that stuff!

[@ricksanchezito8972]

This guy has been through so much pain, but he is still so easy going and welcoming. Just recently seen him before this coronavirus bullshit and he was at the merch table before and after his set. So much admiration for him

[@raspy7466]

This man has a beautiful soul.

[@nirvanaguitar]

Wow this hits hard. My Mother had Lupus and the doctors hd her on tons of pain meds so she became and addict. We we're really close though nd both shared having depression. She died, but this is great of Matt to share.

[@Unearthlywhales]

Damn... such a sad story. So much respect for this man on how leveled he is about it and how he has deconstructed the situation and how aware he is of what happened and how.

[@xmoogoox]

Matt, you're a good man doing good work - thanks for spreading a positive message through heavy music 💪🏻

[@BuckScrotumn]

That situation with the voicemail is absolutely brutal. There’s nothing worse than desperately wanting to find out the truth to something while also being utterly terrified of what the truth may actually be. You have to gauge the entire situation and decide whether or not the truth could be worse than the burden of not knowing. It is one big emotional gamble that you cannot undo should you decide to roll the dice. If you trade your curiosity for the truth and the truth hurts more, there’s no way to go back to the ignorance you once had. Watching stuff like this makes me feel like I’m less alone and is a big reason I played in a touring band straight out of high school for many years. Being around other people who understand the torture in my head and getting to express it through heavy music is the best feeling I’ve ever had.

[@Massivecarcrash]

"It still hasnt necessarily hit me" Man this is a depression/grief waiting to happen, he should really pay head to where his mood wanders, because something or someone will suddenly trigger that emotional valve and it will pour out like no tomorrow. Matt got dealt some shit cards, a burden no kid should have, but many does. But that's the point, he was a kid. For a kid, there's always tomorrow. As adults, we know that tomorrow dont always come around.

[@MrCanan123]

Could the lady in the background be any louder

[@daniel514ish]

Matt is a super kind and sincere person. thank you for shareing this. also didnt realize how thick his accent was

[@alpacajones3932]

Love you Matt never stop reaching out and getting shit off your chest as much as it is hard to do sometimes

[@brownpunk1794]

Im new to this band..glad i found em .seems like a real genuine guy

[@jaydonmcmaster3855]

Mr matt Honeycutt you have gotten me through so much in losing my mom similar to you sir my mom was into drugs and I lost her a year ago and this year I lost my dad you and your band and music has kept me on the straight and narrow I'll forever be in your prayers 🙏

[@parfner666]

Real shit bro. Thank you for this story and perspective and being real

[@katrochappy5916]

Such a stand up guy. When they played here in Seattle, I was just in awe with the message they talked about in between songs. All around amazing band!

[@chrisk.1216]

Been into these guys for a long time they’re real my mom died of drugs in a little camper with no electricity or water and nobody found her for 3 days I hadn’t talked to her in over a year this is real, people deal with stuff like this everyday god bless Matt.

[@CankleCankle]

Dang bro, rip to your mother. And may you find peace that she doesn’t have to struggle anymore. These terrible things that happen to us make us into great people. I promise there’s someone who would benefit from hearing your story and how you felt with your mother losing her way. Maybe you didn’t handle it well, maybe you did but your perspective could change lives. I hope you are well.❤

[@nathanmalone6589]

Thank for the new perspective my brother. Seriously thank you Matt.

[@jmeyuh]

I remember talking to him back in about 2008 at the Door Plano. We played a show together. To this day his words and his ways effected me. He is one of the realest dudes I've ever met even if I only talked to him a hand full of times. Set me free Matt.

[@nathanyocum4845]

Oh damn, what up homie. I remember talking about starting a band with you and Bendavid I believe. Good times. Miss the Door in Plano. That venue was my first show I played. Honeycutt is a real ass dude though. Met him when he jumped up for a guest spot at a Gideon show.

[@5dsTv]

2008 ? Kublai khan been a band for that long

[@dawa8151]

Damn the door Plano...I haven't thought about that place in forever. I think y'all are a bit older than me but we prolly crossed paths at some point

[@vitalline7394]

Love u brutha I remember the first time I saw ya there was the song Dear God that hit me hard cuz my grandma was sick, met u and thanked u and since then everytime we hang it's always badass and a blessing

[@drummerr08]

This story is so intense and so real. It was great to meet you in Toronto this summer Matthew.

[@drifterxexe]

whats crazy about these singers they sound angry and mad at the world but in the end there so nice and friendly also there down to earth to love these guys

[@timmystoner7219]

Your care comes straight through in your lyrics my brother thanks for all the tunes no one is perfect and I learnt in life nothing is a mistake you learn the most from fucking up

[@jamesguyjr6441]

What a great interview. For someone to come out and share this story is powerful. I really don't know what else to say.

[@aerith6172]

Can we talk about how awesome this video is, but the fact that the people in the background laughing and talking make it real hard to hear or pay attention?

[@HeartSupport]

Hey Aaron, for the record I totally agree with you about the background noise being distracting. Unfortunately, the press areas that are provided to people during these big tours are an afterthought and aren't really ideal for interviews. Long story short: We did the best we could with what we had, and we hope this interview impacts lives and gives perspective and encouragement to those who need it. Thanks!

[@Tigerjunky93]

@@HeartSupport love what you guys do, get the message out no matter the circumstances. That’s what it’s about.

[@Studio-Rat]

Big up Matt. Spoke when I saw and did backline for you guys. Hits very close to home.

[@odith1808]

Mat I talked to you in the sinkhole and you helped me you can help people you just deny that you help people your mom would be fucking proud

[@odith1808]

Would talk to you again if I had your number

[@manismostlywater]

Unbelievable. So much love

[@Eshkanama]

What a great guy. And his accent is so adorable ❤️

[@imposeinc3023]

Thank you for your story, Matt.

[@ejmorin7338]

Thanks for sharing. My bro just committed suicide a few weeks ago and I'm struggling with a lot of the same feelings. We have different situations and I'm not claiming to know where you're coming from except basically it sucks.

[@BDChupacabra]

I feel for Matt. I’m going thru the same thing and am actively trying to help better things but it’s consistently gotten worse over the last decade. And I just wanna say that putting in the effort and doing everything right doesn’t necessarily mean that everything will be ok. It’s just better to have tried than not tried at all. Life is so strange.

[@JamesWhitePhotography]

Pretty gut wrenching to listen to. I can't empathise with the situation, but I can empathise with the idea of a son wanting to be there for his mother if/when she needs him. It's hard in this case, because he was probably a much younger man, a boy even, and boys don't have that kind of insight. Hindsight is 20/20, don't beat yourself up over it! If it's possible, I just entered a new level of respect and love for Kublai Khan!

[@ricksanchezito8972]

This video made me sob like a child.

[@TheRealMattFromWiiSports]

This is absolutely heartbreaking

[@bigbear647965]

My family is in the same boat. My Mom has hepatic encephalopathy, sever liver damage and has had half of it cut out due to cancer. It causes the chemicals in the blood to rise which can make you very confused to the point where it's like dementia. She's stopped taking her liquid meds which helps the problem. She's now dealing with paranoia, not wanting to eat, shower, or take care of herself like a normal person would. With my Dad, two brothers and myself in the house, it's a daily battle to see what she's doing. Having to check on your parent to see if they are breathing still hasn't hit me yet. My heart breaks for her.

[@spinesplitter683]

This is the story of me and my mom. I can totally relate dude 🤘 Props 🤘

[@ThexSyn]

Matt says nothing good came from it, that it was all just a big mistake. Maybe it isn't my place to say, but I do think that helping shine light on what not to do is a very positive thing. Not that he should even blame himself in the first place, that is. He seems like such a genuine, kind person. And it may not be much, but this video reminded me to text my stepsister. She's always made an effort to be there for me so I need to be there for her.

[@honkmaster]

I kind of relate. My mom's still alive and she never attempted suicide (to my knowledge), but she suffered from a lot of physical and mental illnesses. She suffered from lupus, stage 3 and later stage 4 copd, mental trauma, and what we now know are symptoms of a neurological disorder such as brain damage. 3 kids, living off of one of my siblings child support and food stamps, homeschooled and somehow managed to get away with not learning anything without legal reprocussion. The house was dirty, I was severely unmotivated to clean it and my mom was usually physically unable to do it. All of it comes back to me in chunks, but I remember feeling totally hopeless and spending all day on my computer wasting away. I never cleaned or did anything like most kids i'd hear about in these situations and failed to do basic things when asked (According to my therapist, probably ADHD), I crumbled under the pressure. I tried, but it's hard to shake the feeling that I could've done more. I remember my mom frequently mentioning how she didn't want to exist, even saying that she didn't deserve to exist or would want to die if she hadn't had us. I remember trying to convince her that she wasn't evil or that she didn't hurt me or my siblings. But what's worse than knowing about my inaction are the times I lashed out and hurt people. Those memories will always form a pit in my stomach. I learned later that one of my family members I lived with had previously attempted suicide, and that changed me. Things are still bad for them, worse in some ways. But at least my mom has a good job as a writer and can afford good things for my sisters. But one thing I have to say, please don't feel like you have to stay in these situations. I still blame myself for not doing more and for leaving, but nothing good could come from me staying there. It's not morally incorrect to think of yourself and consider your health. I was told that I should always consider myself and not sacrifice my mental wellbeing for her and my siblings, but I never really felt like I could do that. I eventually managed to do it, under the somewhat true reasoning of getting my GED and needing a stable and quiet space to study (Which I should've been totally honest about) and from there I feel like I've been born again. I still feel subhuman at times, but I also started to live life and do things I never got to do before.

[@AndrewJPoole]

Hey I hope you’re doing a little better just wanted to check in on you this morning.

[@honkmaster]

@@AndrewJPoole Shit's been tough man but I'm seeign the light at the end of the tunnel. This means a lot, thank you so much

[@sxejam518]

Strikes a chord with me not to sound cliche, but I lost my Dad to Suicide/Addiction I was the last one to see him alive the night it happened, I knew something was seriously wrong that night And to this very day I hold myself responsible because I feel like If I had just stayed I could have saved him. It’s a pain no one will understand, I have isolated myself from siblings, nieces and nephews as I feel like I took him away from them. Won’t get easier but it’s nice to know there are some people who understand what I am dealing With.

[@mun6832]

What a champion thanks for sharing matt

[@evansullivan3455]

I’m so so sorry dude I feel ur pain went horrible shit ! But music like yalls have helped me out alot

[@ProudAnglo]

Wow the way this man screams I could never picture him with a thick Texan Accent...whoa

[@vincentcabrera4248]

First southern band I saw was a band called the showdown from Tennessee. It was the same thing lol.

[@chrisburch7254]

Wow! We only get 1 true Mom. Treat her like a queen, and when you marry......treat her even better! Sad sad story here. Most of us don't do drugs to feel good.....we do them not to feel. Get and stay drug free.

[@morbidlust999]

When my mom passed away I wasn’t there for her I deeply understand

[@WilliamSarokon]

I'm 45 years-old dude & this is one very sad story. I just found this band also. Dudes a big person for telling this story. Most people wouldn't. Thank you for this upload. This actually touched my heart. Whew!!!!

[@Lambosown]

It's really sad that he blames himself.

[@thevillainwasright2601]

One of the best front men in metal

[@SVU777]

Love this next time do the interview in a quite place the background is drowning him out which is HALARIOUS considering his vocals lol!!!!1

[@chuies1314]

It wasn't a poor decision because there is only so much you can do for family and so far you can be dragged down... your mother brings you in to this world then your own life begins

[@brandonhoneycutt3691]

I love your mother Matt stay strong you are my brother in arms I defend the crest Honeycutt touch my family I will get you

[@moon_mint]

What a crazy story. I have family in the Sherman/Durant area, had no idea this band was from a place so close to home.

[@brandonhoneycutt3691]

I love you Matt family always

[@kinginthenorf3194]

I remember he talked about his mom at Warp Tour a few years ago. Actually a few months before this video lol.

[@kaesarjones6598]

from the heart. Much love from texas

[@Qazaq_Qiyat_1465]

I understand exactly what he’s talking about.

[@lancelefevre351]

I love that guy and that band

[@jpframpt971]

THIS IS A GREAT MAN

[@talbit]

"Imagine having so little control over your life that you can't even end it on your own terms" 😓

[@FunkyPunk1995]

My mom is an alchemist and pill addict. When i was in high school i came home from school and went to get ready for work (she was unemployed) and i found her overdosing. I got the balancing survival and happiness literally a fee weeks or months later the week it dropped. Our relationship has been rocky for years. She’s let me down, lied, gone back on her word, etc so many times ive lost count. She owes me thousands of dollars. I had to cut her off for quite a while. Eventually she got the message and shes sober and about to sell her house to move up to where i moved out of state. It was hard. Matt and I talked about some of this at a show in 2017, and he teared up and asked me for a hug. He said “you get it. You’re the kid we’re making music for. Kids like us” and he took a picture of my kublai khan tattoo lol. Kublai khan has been one of my favorite bands since just before they dropped their first signed album (knew about em before from the tx hc scene) and the reason has always been the relatable music. While it may be sonically the weakest, new strength is my favorite album because of the lyrics. As corny as it is, that album literally saved my life. Songs like tiny moments, mistakes, hunger, and still hear are some of the most important songs to me. It to mention older songs like come out of your room. That album pushed me to fight for myself and to make a better life for myself. Im now engaged, have my own house (rent, not owned, but hey im not homeless anymore) and i went to college and became a therapist. Everyone thought id end up a mess. I barely graduated high school. That album literally got me to turned my entire life around and let me give a big fuck you to everyone who thought i couldn’t be more.

[@southofheaven4321]

Deep stuff bro ❤

[@defeatyou]

Intro song? Matt's voice is insane! Really love it! 🖤

[@dantheman8877]

Wot a great dude. Killer on the mic too

[@roynavi9399]

even if I'm wearing headphones, the background noise is so distracting.

[@noo648]

Damn. I did not see this coming. I'm a bigger fan now

[@caphead100]

Matt, I love you.

[@coreyforbes3341]

I love this bloke, I love this band. But there's no way I could of talked about that with people around and hearing them in the background

[@tywins3669]

As a metal fan of more classic metal ive recently found KKTX and i love their music and their story. This is a real dude and im here for it

[@pgrimmygrimm]

Fuckin love you even more now Matt...

[@jaydonmcmaster3855]

Hey bro I am going thru the same fucking thing bro 😢 my mom died from an o.d it's almost been a year now but I'm still having such a hard time cause I wish I tried harder 😢

[@disco4535]

There's nothing he could've done. "Being there" could've possibly even made it worse. NEVER blame yourself for the selfishness of others. It is absolutely their fault and no one else's.

[@commander931]

I listen inside of my car while i drive on USB his songs and yet i don´t believe it as sound on the car

[@crocopsleg3523]

Shit makes me so sad

[@aesopbricktop]

fucking thank you

[@sigmamale520]

He sounds like Forrest Gump. Love the accent.

[@nonapplicable3395]

[@giovannilobeira9688]

Anyone know what race is Matt? Is he hispanic or native american

[@kohlmanhollister9981]

half Filipino, half Caucasian

[@giovannilobeira9688]

@@kohlmanhollister9981 oh ok how do you know that?

[@JohnnyGingy]

@@giovannilobeira9688 he talks about it often in interviews

[@giovannilobeira9688]

@@JohnnyGingy oh ok thank you gentlemen

[@krdrums00]

He also said he grew up in an all-white family, so I assume his biological dad was Filipino but his parents probably separated/divorced when he was very little. Someone can correct me on this.

[@mustvebeenthewind3477]

Is there a reason why tha people in that room have to be so loud. Just shut up for ten minutes

[@benhailsatan6039]

I feel like I’m listening to you while your talking out this I wish I could talk cuz idk I know you ain’t gunna talk I watched my mother die I know it’s not hate music but shits hard all the time and I love you, I know I’ll never hear from literally the only band that keeps me going. Wish I did. Tattoos don’t help anymore and I’m covered.