How To Express Anger Clearly (Without Ruining Your Life)

Coping With Trauma Related Dissociation by Onno van der Hart, Kathy Steele and Suzette Boon: shorturl.at/ceBI2
Radical Honesty by Brad Blanton: shorturl.at/dJK04

[@scottwhitfield1456]

"Anger is a conversation predominantly between you and your inner child who feels powerless." 🧠💥

[@Trintron46]

Had my first heated discussion with my partner this morning where I said "what you said makes me feel scared inside." His eyes went wide and he began to apologize. I was so shocked! It makes a world of difference when you stop saying "you hurt me" and start to explain "what you did/ are doing makes me sad or scared or mad."

[@mhashas1]

Unfortunately if your partner is knowledgeable about codependency, he might say something back to you like: ‘I can’t make you feel anything, what you feel is not my responsibility.’ I’m not saying it’s a good response or helpful, I’m just saying I have gotten this response a couple of times.

[@wavy6470]

​@@mhashas1I never liked that narrative very much. It can be misused badly in abusive settings. People's behaviors do affect how we feel and expressing that is normal. If person doesn't want to change damaging behavior, it is our responsibility to remove ourselves or find ways to deal with the situation. But the fact is that their actions affect us same like everything else does.

[@catherinefekry4031]

Your husband is understanding.

[@seahorse251]

Not many people talk about processing anger effectively. We need more conversations like this ❤

[@User24x]

Dr. Gabar said Boundaries being broken or threatened is what causes anger.

[@MircodosingMagic]

This is the best video about anger I’ve ever listened to

[@elyssa8552]

Thank you so much for this video. I was reminded of how I was told off when I fought for myself towards my dad. He was very angry, shouted at me and I have to shut up. I internalised anger, suppressed anger and felt bitter. Also, as an obedient child and brainwashed by society that “angry is bad”. Since then, I played the role of a “good child”, repeatedly suppressing anger and sometimes I felt numb by anger. I smiled on the outside but on the inside, I was not good. As I grow older, I realised that the uncomfortable feeling I have always felt in my body was anger. I have kept them in for so long. The pimples on my face are also due to small outburst of anger. I want to make friends with anger and tap into the wisdom of these emotions.

[@jaedavivianna]

This!!!!!

[@acegard7801]

I'm angry at my anger, lol

[@SS-in1ts]

Always 😂

[@lamelomane1656]

Ikr.ocd makes me crazy and I can't feel anger anymore. Denial gets crazy . Moving out soon thankfully

[@XabetheGeminiWitch]

😂😂😂

[@julianaandersson8703]

Meeee tooooo

[@airdnaxela420]

So fucking relatable.

[@HammzRadio]

I have suppressed my anger for a very long time. Especially when it comes to self-protection. I have been working on healing over the last year and finally, In the last two weeks, I have been able to get angry on behalf of my inner child two different times 🙌🏽 and express it to the other person. I was so proud of myself! I was terrified but I am fucking tired of being who I think others need me to be. I wanna be my authentic self. And this is my journey to wholeness

[@jaedavivianna]

Same!!! Fuck indoctrination lol

[@natural3362]

Me too fuck indoctrination.. Fuck what other people think.. Fuck it.. I'll live my life as me and for me and me only

[@thedisappointedoptimist6916]

I'm really bad with anger. I don't express myself and then it builds and then, as always, I burn the bridge and write the person off as toxic, when I know that I'm the one that can't communicate in healthy ways.

[@NM-vn6bw]

Very good insight ....awareness is the first step in the right direction.

[@therevoltingpleb]

It is true, but we sometimes do communicate it, again and again, before we explode. And people often do use our anger to gaslight and mischaracterize us and refuse to acknowledge their repeated violations, while we scramble to make excuses for them once the anger subsides, repeating the cycle.

[@dilaraodyakmaz709]

@@therevoltingpleb​​⁠​⁠I am living in the exact situation that you described and I am starting to forget how to communicate without getting angry. I am constantly frustrated and hurt because of this continuous vicious cycle that you put out. Are there any videos, books that you can recommend? Are there any advice that you can give? I’m open for recommendations…

[@soyasibonnie]

@thedisappointedoptimist6916 - in a similar situation. I've even ended working relationships because of this.

[@AnggiSahamCantik]

My inner child worth more than $65. That's life changing. When we treat our inner child as 3rd person, real child inside us that have no one to rely on but our adultself, that's really put things into perspective.

[@avp6730]

That example with the 65 dollars was brilliant! I've let so many boundaries be crossed because "its just more reasonable". I wish I'd seen it this way before

[@emmaa4595]

I always thought boundaries were for other people but a friend once told me you also need boundaries with your emotional self, they are sending you signals you can choose to act upon or not.

[@extern83]

Sounds like your “friend” gaslighted you.

[@stacyknapp5548]

I like this comment. Uncontrolled anger doesn't benefit anyone, not even the angry person. So boundaries with self about when, where and how to express it is essential! Learned this the hard way.

[@emmaa4595]

​@@stacyknapp5548agree they also said anger was a trigger because your boundaries have been crossed, usually if it's not a physical boundary then it relates to a childhood trauma I.e. not being listened to or given space to speak and be heard or trusting the other person will listen and respond to your needs

[@marieb5251]

This video explains exactly what happens to me when my Borderline mom denigrates me and I cannot express my anger because it only makes her act worse. Sadly, the anger is internalized and directed at myself (anxiety, depression, illnesses). I'm well aware of this and I"m able to work on it now. I've accepted that I cannot change her, I can only remove myself from her presence. So far, I've been able to leave a couple of times. When I don't leave, I feel like I've betrayed myself. The best solution is to not visit her much at all. It's sad, but I have to honor myself.

[@kirstieperez2704]

Holy F*CK this comment. 🤯 wow thank you for sharing your perspective

[@sadiemakesmesmile]

This is exactly what I’m going through as well. My mother has betrayed me so many times, and I’ve felt like the bad guy because I get angry at her and she reacts super badly. I’m learning now that ‘loyalty is earned’ and I’ve gone back way too many times when I shouldn’t have. It has just served to hate myself more as she breaks my boundaries again and I’m stupid enough to think it won’t happen again. It’s been really hard to accept I have no family and no support 😢

[@fastinbulvis2223]

Marie, Kirstie, and Sadie, Thank you so much! Three strong comment responses from three women that speak directly to my experiences with my mother and four sisters, aunts, cousins and even my sisters friends. The cruelty these women subjected me to (and the directions from them my older brothers only all too willingly obeyed) took decades to get over. The abuse was physical, intellectual (routinely called "stupid"), psychological, emotional, and social, and non-stop. There were no real resources back then. And even when they started to appear many of us were simply too frozen in past time to get out of it, and not from a want of trying. It truly is a process, not an event. But I would never think of saying that "women" are this way because of the women in my life. I think it's this that made it possible for me to find the love of my life. Though she's very well-adjusted and comes from a stable and reasonably happy home, she's very supportive of my recovery as an addict and family scapegoat survivor. For this reason, I was very disappointed (but not surprised) at Heidi's comment at 12:12. I understand that it's her channel, and I very much value the content. But I do think it'd be better to avoid turning personal obversations into universals for the purpose of passing judgment on any group. We really need to get past that. I'm here for the insights, suggestions and recovery. Not the sanctimony, or shaming lectures. That's why one should be very cautious and careful with channels like this. In any event, given the subject of today's video, I thought it best to share this now and not hold on to it. I do wish her well in her recovery journey, which, like the rest of us, she is still on.

[@coppersense999]

@@fastinbulvis2223 I gave your comment a thumbs up, because first appreciate you sharing vulnerably about how you suffered. Happy for you that all the fallout did not stop you from finding a supportive partner. Second, my first instinct is to agree with you. Let's not flip things and shame entire groups .... and then I listened to what Heidi actually said. She couched her comment very carefully and did not make any universal statements or absolutes such as "non-stop" and "I would NEVER think of saying that" [emphasis mine]. Sorry to call you out but honestly before I even clicked on the time stamp (thank you for that) an alarm bell went off inside about discrediting a woman who is talking about other women. I thought Heidi was going to be pulling a "cool girl" routine, and bashing feminists. But it sounds like she addresses a common trauma response of people pleasing, which is real and relevant to the topic at hand. I won't hold it against you that you are a man attempting to shut down a woman speaking her truth on her own channel, because that isn't fair, as you correctly point out. The issue is this: your anecdotal experience was unjust but it also is not the norm, in fact it is quite clearly the reverse and maybe even a downstream effect of centuries of misogyny. I could be wrong and regardless abuse is never justified. But looked at from another perspective maybe it will be easier to understand. As a white person I do not suffer from "reverse racism." And as a resident of a native diverse community where I am in the minority often times, I have certainly known what it feels like to be targeted and bullied, insulted with race-based comments. It was unfair and upsetting. That does not mean I have ever experienced oppression. So for me to go to an AA channel and scold say, Chaz for how he talks to his female subscribers would be inappropriate. I'm throwing intersecting ibiases out now, but it still ends up the same. I don't get to appropriate the suffering of another community or police their advice to each other, even if we share important commonalities such as gender-based harassment, or income inequality or whatever. Not because my opinion isn't valid or maybe even objectively correct. But because I can only speak out of my lived experience and not into someone else's. I refrain out of respect. Thank you for sharing, again, and wish you the best!

[@fastinbulvis2223]

@@coppersense999 Thank you for your response. Between both of our comments there's a lot to discuss. Especially since there is some obvious disagreement. In a way this is great, it gives us a chance to apply the skills we are developing on our respective journey's of recovery. In another way it's frustrating because, well, speaking for myself, I find the yt comment section to be kind of limiting, ie; not the best place for discussion, debate, etc. So, though tempted to launch into a fuller response, let me just say that, though I do disagree with you on some points, I appreciate you taking the time to respond to my comment. For me the important point is that we're here. And the recovery journey never ends. At least I hope so. Thanks again for your response! All the best!

[@Brinaweenahwoo]

I literally just had a tough conversation about anger right before I watched this video about. As a DA, I am terrified of my own anger and other's anger. Or, at least I was. I've learned that anger is important information and that I must address it to walk a healthy path in life with healthy people. I've learned that I can communicate my anger with calm, with directness, and with honesty. It's truly liberating to be able to present anger to another and have it received in a healthy way. Life lessons I'm just learning in my 5th decade...😊

[@brickellvoss7739]

Yeah anger can let you know something is wrong and you can use that signal to be assertive and make a positive change. Doesn't mean you have to be mean. We are emotional beings and emotions don't' always make the most sense but if you learn how to listen to them and take appropriate action they can be very helpful and useful.

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

What's a DA? All I can think of is Domestic Abuser, and that doesn't seem likely!

[@sierrashaheen677]

Dismissive Avoidant

[@Coco_xoxo]

@@SusanaXpeace2u dismissive avoidant…attachment styles

[@emstrow]

this is me. I always tend to tell myself “it isn’t that bad” when anger comes up or if it’s very disrespectful to myself I tend to freeze up. I learned to suppress my anger because in my past I was told to not be so sensitive or dramatic once I spoke up for me or others… even when my reaction wasn’t even intense. Thanks for the insights! I’m working on it

[@MistressKatari]

Honestly I need an even deeper explanation of this. Talking abt my anger has backfired so many times with my parents that everything I know about it seems to be skewed

[@mshlim]

I think culture has a lot to do with me expressing my anger. Females aren’t allowed to voice much. I brought this into my relationship and it frustrates the guys. Which leads to breakups. This is great but I don’t think my ex was mature enough to handle this if I was to express myself in that way. Thanks for be a part of my growth process.

[@user-yf6kw5lm8g]

Thank you Phoebe. I've been learning so much from your videos. This one was powerful. I was viewed as an angry young woman . And could never see my own anger clearly. I thought I wasn't angry and that others were judging me harshly. I was though. It took a long time to see my anger and why it was happening. Childhood neglect does some strange things to the inner child outer adult relationship. I'm glad you spent the 65 dollars. I said out loud to myself / you. Thats cheap for the benefit.

[@MarkusKasanmascheff]

I love this breakdown and will definitely work on integrating your suggestions into my life. Your capacity of deconstructing and understanding human behavior is a gift.

[@DogOneIsOpen]

Well done! I can’t think of anyone on YT breaks down emotional states and attachment styles as well as you. Everyone needs to hear messages like this.

[@kirstieperez2704]

Girls arent allowed to express their anger Boys are respected for doing so Boys arent allowed to express emotions Girls are mocked for doing so We've protected and used anger long enough as a shield. It is crazy how powerful that emotion is. None of us learned how to harness it. Im grateful we get opportunities to heal wounds like this. We need out communities back and honwst discussions like these save lives and the quality of them. Thank you,Heidi!

[@phantless2203]

Eh no

[@kirstieperez2704]

@@phantless2203 eh yaaaasss

[@phantless2203]

@@kirstieperez2704 wdym girls aren’t allowed to express their anger

[@kirstieperez2704]

@phantless2203 more and more young girls can nowadays (although it should be farther along) but we were not able to say no to superiors in ways boys could. Girls were held to a different standard. And notice I said "different" because since I made that comment, it's become more apparent to me that boys aren't able to, either. Boys are stigmatized against crying/feeling sad, which ultimately leads to anger if repressed. Rage issues. Possible resentment, too. Girls can't get angry because it's "unladylike" and "attention seeking" when reality is we all have needs that need to be met. Hope this makes sense

[@joycegill8593]

This explains so much. We are not to be afraid of our anger nor run from it, but listen to its wisdom of our inner child needing our help and protection. This makes so much sense. Thank you so much for explaining this so clearly.

[@babsdragonfly4610]

Last night, I expressed my anger in a fairly low stake situation (a 2nd date) and explained how the situation made me less inclined to open up and engage. After thoroughly considering how I'd felt throughout the date, I decided not to pursue the acquaintance further. And that all felt quite normal. I'm resisting the temptation of criticising myself for letting the anger out because it felt measured and proportionate. And this was a big change after spending a lifetime repressing anger. Thanks, another great and really helpful video!

[@alehernandez452]

I am so thankful for your intuitive abilities and the capacity to eloquently deliver your knowledge and understanding. Thank you for sharing!

[@jonber9411]

The anger that is frozen and intellectual, is the worst and hardest to detect, 'Oh, you betrayed me, i will ostracize you forever'. And of course i am in my right, i have thought about their mistakes for a long time. Or am i unforgiving and harsh? Sometimes i feel this is difficult to discern. Putting people in the freezer all of the sudden, seems odd. And still i can be relieved they are gone. Generally i find it easy to get angered or express healthy anger amongst strangers, oftentimes is find it harder towards friends. There i question myself and my instinct is to say, 'There is no need, i am fine'. And sometimes when they explain themselves, i answer, 'no matter, its okey, dont worry' Yet i am angered. It takes a while getting accustomed to venting anger in closer relations and being relaxed about it. One can try and play with reactions of anger, when one is not angry, to see that you and others survive your anger. Then maybe it feels more safe, when you are angry for real. Thank you

[@SingerShweta502]

I was super angry on someone then this vid popped up on notification bar n i started watching n after finishing it i went back to the person n asked them why he said that things n I'm angry with that specific words. He cleared the things out n apologized as well n accepted that he'll work on this commenting style then we talked normally.... N guess what I'm not angry i really needed this video cuz i didn't know how to effectively communicate about your anger 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼❤❤❤❤❤❤ thank you so much Heidi for this n all the content you bless us with i learnt alot through your content this year thanks alot may God bless you with lots of happiness n abundance 🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@userone7057]

I've got a real issue when it comes to anger, you know? Growing up, my environment was all messed up. Nobody ever showed me how to handle anger in a healthy way. As I got older, I started seeing anger as this terrible thing that should be pushed down and never expressed. It's like the schools and other adults never bothered to teach me about the different ways to deal with anger. It's been tough, but I gotta say, thanks a bunch, Heidi, for showing me some new frameworks for expressing anger. It's like a whole new world has opened up for me. I appreciate it more than you know!

[@CyborgCatWitch]

"We don't necessarily have to act on anger just because we feel it " yesss Heidi thank you for sharing your knowledge ❣

[@terriwhalen3618]

Exactly! I am learning to pause, look at the anger, process the anger, then decide how to approach the anger with healthy boundaries. I must first understand the anger. If I go off, and I have done just that, I always feel badly about it, especially if I reacted in a harsh manner. I like the pause button!

[@NM-vn6bw]

Me too

[@vemrith]

I’m holding my breath for the ‘How to stop appearing unthreatening’ video🎬 I hope you’re planning on making that one! 🙏🏼 About the inner child who is serious and put together but just can’t manifest herself in the full glory and plays herself down to appear unthreatening to the world. You have no idea how relatable that would be as it’s literally the opposite struggle for the most people, so no one can guide us through letting that self-harming-adaptation-that’s-no-longer-serving-us go like you🌻

[@heidipriebe1]

This concept resonates a lot for me actually, I’ll put some thought into it! Thank you for the great suggestion 🙏

[@STAY5161]

​@@heidipriebe1 That was what I was thinking about as well! I'm just so concerned with appearing unthreatening that I even become willing to sacrifice my boundaries and self worth for it. That video would be highly appreciated if you can make time for it ❤

[@sadiemakesmesmile]

@@STAY5161perhaps it’s a fear of being seen or a fear of living to your full potential

[@sadiemakesmesmile]

@@STAY5161also ‘power’ has a bad rep in our current world, but we all need to tap into our own power so we can advocate for ourselves as we go through the world. Otherwise most will just walk all over you and your potential will never be realised. Maybe it has to do with the Solar Plexus and your Willpower.

[@STAY5161]

@@sadiemakesmesmile That was a refreshing view of the word 'Power'. Thanks!

[@user-qw5bk1sg6d]

Lets just say My C-PTSD has me welcoming this information. Your videos are water in a desert. Thank you.

[@Basovych]

This smile at the begining❤

[@rafaelgarciamoheno4938]

Haha x2

[@lilynote2016]

This is so helpful. I have always felt worse because I saw my anger as ‘me being the problem’ and I was in that my reactions built because I didn’t know how to do it in a healthier way. I felt hurt but then what? Just saying I was hurt and angry didn’t help me feel less angry but listening to this has helped me understand and this feel more comfortable. The only thing I want a video or suggested video/book about is what if I do need to set my boundary? As in how is that not ‘pushing them to be something other than themselves’? I would really like to understand

[@user-gq6zg7bh1l]

I love the story at the end! I now understand it's about self protection and self-respect. And having a good relationship with yourself!

[@ba1354]

My issue with anger is more prevalent in romantic relationships. There behaviour 10/10 triggers unbelievable anger. Especially if it’s basic things like not self disclosing, any perceived neglect or withholding, communicating and emotional unavailability. I cannot withstand that person or the relationship. It’s not something that can be resolved. I don’t care whether they’ve done it purposefully or unintentionally. They just not my match. Therefore, I don’t mind being single forever. My story’s are true to me and I cannot resolve because what’s been done is done and the person has chosen to act that way in the beginning.

[@pooscifer]

These exact scenarios are absolutely what infuriate me too. I don't have issues accessing anger at all, but I totally do that thing she mentioned near the end of the video - I basically keep putting myself back in the situation and getting angrier and angrier while they repeatedly violate boundaries instead of just doing the scarier thing of leaving.

[@daniyalnaeem2210]

This is one of the most incredible videos I have ever watched. Thank you, sincerely.

[@wildunfurling]

I have no words to express my gratitude for the info and how you broke it down in this video so I will just say thank you. Thank you so much!🙏🏼💛🌿✨

[@justinbordner6528]

Your personal stories are exciting Heidi. The way you share them is so genuine and inspiring. I also appreciate how sincere, and loyal you are for the Inner Child spirit of identity.

[@jaimeedoherty5716]

You are literally changing my life and the way I view so many things. Thankyou!

[@terriwhalen3618]

O totally agree, great video! Thanks. I have found I may be angry with myself and not realize it. Or, I could have been triggered from a past situation and not realize that its nothing to do with that person at all. And when, after processing, I know it does have to do with that person, I go to them privately, not gossip, and attempt to express my feelings and reach restitution. If that person doesn't want to listen, or deny, blames, whatever, I set a boundary and if they don't respect it, I decide whether the relationship is healthy.

[@lulumarie7]

I did not know how much I needed this. You enlighten and inspire me with every video. You're giving me the courage to find and care for myself. 💛

[@CharlesRTownsend]

I've spent my entire life dissociating away...well my life. For decades I've only been able to feel negative emotions (and positive emotions I associate with shame) if they are very strong to the point of being painful. I've recently started work on feeling again (with plenty of help from you, thanks). My problem with dealing with all that sealed anger is that it is mixed with a lot of contempt, which just causes a spiral of more anger and more contempt. This is compounded by the fact that I have a lot of anger and contempt that I'm dealing with now. How in the hells do I process contempt?

[@ryancowell9382]

Gawd this video just fucking RESONATED. Anger is SUCH a dangerous feeling to me 'cuz I grew up in a home with loose cannons, and my therapist and I have often danced the waltz of acknowledging Anger as a Feeling I don't have to act on, but how to still harness it for boundaries so that SUPER resonated with me. This video helped me realize why a Friend recently thought I was being manipulative with an argument we had. Inevitably, I did WAY better than I might have done when I had less therapy, but I unintentionally put expectations and a victim narrative on myself which... sucks. But just so many good points. And things to learn on this fun lil' anger journey. Thank you, always : 3

[@biondna7984]

Thank you for all this. I've taken thorough notes; this is indeed a huge issue in my life. I grew up with an angry alcoholic mother and got to be a total people pleaser; it has taken me many years to not snap instantly back into that mode, and to seek a civil exchange instead. I've gotten better at fairly and immediately recognizing and communicating anger, and still fail at times, but all in all I'm getting better at it.

[@katievanetten112]

Woah. This video is amazing, and such a gift. Those last 60 seconds were especially 🔥. Thank you for this work that you do!

[@dariosergevna]

Hi Heidi! I really appreciate your content! I’d like to request a video on No contact with parents and your thought about it. Your videos has been helpful and I think people with C-PTSD would appreciate such a video.

[@Eduardado]

This is absolute gold. Thank you very much for sharing it.

[@frappalina]

Thank goodness for you, Heidi Priebe

[@plutopowered1116]

One of my favorite quotes is about anger: “ anybody can become angry, that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way - that is not within everybody’s power and it’s not easy.” Aristotle

[@suraiyamahomed6378]

Substitute angry with the word assertive

[@kendrafoster7006]

This is absolute gold. Thank you!❤

[@Hipocratease]

You are sharing amazing stuff!! Ty.

[@joslyntheneutralbard1878]

I love this. This is incredible. Thank you.

[@extern83]

I’ve destroyed all of my close relationships by expressing why I’m angry towards someone, but none of them want to find solutions, so my self hate only grows and grows and I’m never able to feel safe or close to anyone. They always abandon me.

[@jillarchi4920]

Thanks Heidi! I've periodically been trying to come up with how to go about inner child work & that story is a great example! Thanks!!

[@brickellvoss7739]

I was the scapegoat in my family of me, mother and half sister. I learned early on it was not safe to display emotions. Either I was called a liar or that my feelings didn't matter because my mother and or sister had it worse therefore I was not going to get any attention or comfort. My mother self medicated in many ways over the years and when she got angry it was horrible. First chance I got to free myself of that household I did. If I could go back in time I would have gone no contact then. Later in my early 20s I went to visit my mother and sister as I lived out of state at this point. My mother in a high and drunken state threatened me and took her gun outside to confront me, thankfully she was too out of it and dropped it when she went to physically attack me. So I went NC at that point. And yey c-PTSD showed up, took me a few years to finally go to therapy about it after a failed marriage. The first and most difficult issue for me to get over was displaying emotions, in particular not shutting down my anger as that lead straight to panic attacks. My therapist taught me that anger is okay, it just matters what we do about it. That it lets you know something is not right and with that knowledge you can turn your anger into assertive action to change a situation for the better. This put a stop to most of my panic attacks. Until I ignored my anger while I was serving my last 2 weeks at work and the girls there just took it as an opportunity to be horrible to me. I was afraid to show my anger because I thought that if I let it go that I'd turn into some kind of monster and do/say horrible things. Well turns out that was not the case, the few times I have exploded in anger I've never done anything near what my mother did. Never attacked anyone, never said horrible things sure I cursed and expressed myself but I didn't ever turn into some asshole who had no regard for the person I may have pointed my anger at. But very rarely did I point my anger at an individual unless they did something. Usually it was just situations. All human emotions are okay to feel. And I really like what you said that it is just a sensation in the body. That is how I view most of my feelings (went I am aware of them that part is really hard for me still). Because I want to make the best choices I can for myself and other by choosing my action not just reacting with whatever emotion I might be feeling at the time. We stigmatize too many emotions and when you bottle them up that is unhealthy and often causes other sorts of problems (thanks gender roles). Me and my boyfriend had a disagreement and in that disagreement he accused me of saying/meaning something I have never thought much less said. This was his insecurity coming out and he told me to never speak to him in frustration like that again. And I told him no I will not choke down my frustration just because it made you uncomfortable. I was being respectful from the start and trying to explain myself and you continued to push a point that I told you multiple times that is not what I said nor what I believe. It wasn't until I showed my frustration that you finally took me seriously. I explained that next time I'd like him to trust and believe me instead of emotional reasoning. Happen to be an ENTJ and autistic, so I am very straight forward and say exactly what I mean, and far too often do people try and read between the lines and add connotation to what I say and then react to some perceived intent. Fortunately for me with my boyfriend I was able to cite previous behaviors of mine and he agreed that what he thought I meant did not line up with anything else I've ever said or done. And he did agree that I am very quick to talk about something that bothers me, I don't do passive aggressive comments like he in that moment perceived I had done. Thank Goth he listened to reason.

[@brickellvoss7739]

TLDR: All emotions are valid. Heidi is right they are just sensations and we can choose how we act. There is a lot of stigmatization of certain emotions and not learning how to deal with them in a healthy manner can end up causing more problems. Anger generally can let you know you are uncomfortable with a situation and you can use that signal to take assertive action and change thing for the better.

[@ALzkaban]

This is by far the most helpful video on anger I have ever found!! Thank you!!!

[@madiherr555]

thank you for making such informational videos, thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing your first person accounts and thank you for making the videos so easy to understand

[@normandannug6118]

Another great video and content. Very helpful. Thanks for creating and sharing 🔥🔥🔥❤️❤️❤️👍🏽👍🏽

[@TrevMA]

Thank you so much for this, and for the rest of your videos. I have a conversation with my roommate where I know I'm angry about something valid, but my mind keeps trying to create stories that make her more disrespectful than she actually has been, and so I haven't known how to go about it without making the situation worse. (That, and I was typically browbeaten or punished in some way, for expressing anger growing up.) The outcome is, I just keep: A), dwelling on it and creating harsher and harsher narratives; and B) just getting angrier and angrier at myself. I feel like I have a lot more clarity now on how to go about it. In general... I see all the comments expressing their gratitude to you, and I just want to add my own. Like, over the past year it has helped guide me to a therapist who actually understands me, which... given how alone I've felt for most of my life, I'm not sure there's a bottom to the wellspring of gratitude I feel towards you. Your work has helped a lot of people, and I hope you take some measure of healthy pride in that.

[@user-ub4ly8fi2m]

This is great! Thank you! ❤

[@marilynoverton8142]

Loved this content. So right on!!

[@joephelan57]

Thank you for this

[@drivers99]

I’ve been watching all these videos from this channel today and I’m amazed at how every video has a life changing amount of stuff I never learned anywhere else before.

[@maripi1536]

That's my favourite of your videos, so eye-opening 👍☺️

[@AlexFlores-fc7cc]

This BLEW my MIND!!

[@stephenbaldwin7165]

This is exceptional!! No idea why you only have 28k views. This should be 1M+ pure truth. Well researched. Well referenced. Just amazing. I really wish I saw this year's and years ago. My only criticism is that I think it talks most to the converted. I feel that the way you phrase things is almost too spot on. So that people who are not ready to accept already, can accept. I'm not sure how to do it better without it being multiple, shorter videos. But so clear. So great. I'm going to make this a standard training video at work. It's going to make a great difference. Thank you!

[@Peyo3729]

Wow! Thank you so much! I took down so much notes on things I need to work on. Now, I understand what anger really is and how beneficial it could be to mean if I use it effectively. You've just got a subscriber. God bless you!

[@kylewarner7817]

This is extremely helpful 🙂I can’t thank you enough for all of your help.

[@AgentB333]

priceless great job thank you for your service i’ve watched a few videos and my life is already changing thanks again 🙏

[@palomawhite6210]

Thank you so much! I appreciate the clarity with which you explain everything! This has been very helpful! ❤

[@mhacNH]

Thank you!!!! This is very helpful. So practical and applicable.

[@manifestdigitalagency]

Heidi you’re saving my life, or even more healthily put helping me save my own life, one video at a time. Your content is amazing, I resonate SO MUCH with what you say. You’re even making me realise that our lives after trauma (childhood and then messing up so often in adulthood) have a purpose, because the authenticity you show up with, how our experience is shared so that I feel COMPLETELY understood by all you’re saying, etc, tell me that it’s the people who’ve been through it that can truly help others free themselves. It’s so inspiring and hopeful. Love you 💖

[@aaronyork3995]

Very good video. You have been a great help.

[@archiem9926]

Very well presented and very helpful. I am really angry with my husband because of something that happened earlier today. Typically, I overreact when I am angry and then find myself in a situation where we are dealing with this new situation that I have created and the original situation stays unresolved and as well I have lost the lead, as Heidi mentions. After watching this video, I am going to try and express my anger cleanly and clearly. Thank you, Heidi

[@speakempathynaomirieger8083]

Loving your videos! In this one, there’s elements of NVC. Observations and requests ❤

[@deepanshusahu4174]

Thank you so much for such a great video❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@aceshigh5157]

wow. this was such a great video. i'm doing inner child work with a 12 step and you made new connections for me - attachment theory, 4F's, and why i hate myself (ignoring my inner child). i did find it interesting that you talked about radical honestly and not non violent communication.

[@m2pozad]

Hair pulling thumbnail calmed me right down.

[@PaperclipProphets]

Thank you for your content. It’s very helpful & you have a sweet, smart energy that I appreciate 🙏

[@nancycleary2564]

Thank you so much for this, I so needed to heat this.

[@terriwhalen3618]

I want to add that once we heal our inner wounds, being triggered is less. But we must heal, know ourselves and our triggers. For me, getting super angry sometimes means it is something I am not healed from. Not always the case. I believe in respect and respecting others. Self respect is important to me.

[@GerhardtRaven]

You are brilliant! I love your explanations. The concept of being a parent to my inner child resonates with me. He is an abused inner child that needs love, respect and discipline.

[@willowhollowranch]

Bravo...this was the best talk ever on anger. I am so inspired by it. Thank you. Amazing. I will be listening to this over and over again. 😊

[@yeerk]

Heidi, your videos make me so calm. It helps that you exude such a loving persona, as I struggle to see other people as that loving. Your messages teach me about myself, as well as help give me confidence to express myself to other people. Thank you.

[@JoyOfTheLORD.]

Thank you so much 🙏💖

[@mutzmutz9325]

Das ist so unglaublich hilfreich. Vielen Dank

[@Snugglebunnyac8165]

Wow 🤯 thank you so much for this explanation

[@nadiaivanova4082]

Thank you for all your work on yourself, Heidi, and for sharing its outcomes with others.

[@fredb2517]

Powerful episode.

[@santiagocruz9426]

That was a beautiful story; I didn't expect that.

[@inzana2]

Heidi, you have a fantastic ability to communicate quite complex concepts in a very clear and relatable way, thank you for your excellent work on this channel

[@sanashaar9013]

As always AMAIZING

[@vidheyaprem]

Such a wholesome video 🤍 And amazingly insightful as always 🫶

[@L.R.Kasper]

This is the best information I’ve learned on anger and things connected with it to date. Thank you! 😊

[@FPZ72]

Very helpful. Thank you.

[@emiliascharm4693]

Few days ago my life changed deeply because of this. I could felt my anger right after I freez in the moment and few minutes later, after deep breathing and feeling my emotions, I could express how I felt when the exact situation happened. It was a boundarie that I asked for before more than once. It felt as my inner child is not alone anymore 🙏💖

[@michaelholland6541]

Dang, this was so helpful. I am grateful. Never realized some of these things but the awareness makes it so easy to transform. Thank you ❤

[@kitkatcasey427]

this video is so great as always! what you said about experiencing anger as vulnerability really struck a chord with me - I’ve recently realized that I tend to experience anger as confusion and sadness. when I feel like someone is treating me poorly, I’ll often default to a thought pattern of “well, I’m sure they don’t mean to treat me badly and have good motivations behind doing so, and once I understand their motivations I’ll feel better,” and I fall into a fawn response of asking a bunch of questions about their perspective while ignoring my own. but while understanding their motivations usually does help me feel a little better, it doesn’t actually protect me from just ending up in the same situation again and again! so now I’m learning how to actually feel and express anger clearly and specifically and set boundaries about it as needed. as it turns out, most of the things that I’ve been angry about lately are in regards to how others express their anger towards me, and I’m planning to invite at least one person to consider watching this video and see if he’d feel good about agreeing to communicate our frustrations with each other like this video recommends!

[@jmaessen3531]

I'm listening to this on repeat and will be chewing on it for a while. Thank you! There is so much wisdom and healthy strategy to process in this video! 🤯 🫶🏼

[@nicholahill3201]

Another amazingly helpful video, thank you. I needed help understanding my anger in order to deal with it more healthily & effectively. I'm like a volcano, I internalise a lot but eventually something will happen & I can't help erupting - because all that emotional energy has to go somewhere. You explain things very well. Now I just need to work on changing my approach - which feels equally scary & empowering ❤