Wow. This is such a blindspot that I could even focus on the video. I kept tuning her out. Until she said that we dont feel the emotion in the moment. Reminded me of a conversation with my ex. She was cry and upset and I resoonded with frustration. Wasnt until 10 days later I recalled the conversation and could empathize with her sadness.

I need your videos most when I can tell I am actively avoiding them. I've gotta do the uncomfortable work for me. Thank you for all that you do <3

Can a self test actually tell me I have low EQ or can it only tell me that I think I have low EQ?

The irony here is that Heidi is so brilliant, wise, and beautiful that if you never experienced limerence before, you will after watching her. (Well, at least for someone like me.) I have to minimize the video otherwise it is impossible to focus on what is being said. I think that the attachment harm that leads to limerent-style relating can occur as an adult, rather than from caregivers. I spent nine years with a fearful-avoidant, with borderline personality disorder and covert narcissism, and I went from secure to anxious PTSD. The emotional instability of the relationship was only overshadowed by the efforts at social annihilation after she left, and five years later I still find myself asking the question "am I okay?" This has meant that my intimate relationships the last few years have included this extra charge of limerence, both on the euphoric upside while in them, and the crash of shame and loneliness when they ended. I can see the patterns as Heidi describes them, but it takes extra time and support to move through and beyond relationships now.

This was great. The part about delaying decisions is mission critical

So we get help from other loving friends and family members, but not your partner? Safety and security, I would think, should be a given.

Thanks for being yourself. I like you better as you are.

I cant believe how clearly you explained my thought and behavior patterns when ive spent so many years struggling to figure myself out. Ive always been so frustrated, like why do i act like that?? So this video was very validating and gives me something concrete to work toward.

You are sooo manipulative. Don't blame the individual for having that type of attachment. There is absolutely NO forgiveness and NO grace required by the individual. Quit trying to blame the individual or make money using people.

Thoughtful perspectives on this crucial work. I have a go-to "survivor" toolbox, and I'm still learning and always healing. But I didn't want to get stuck in redundant videos on my way to the "thriver" stage of recovery, so I drew a boundary. I also did a digital detox. I'm finding my creativity and humor, and ease with life, and I reach a flow state on occasion, and have secure attachment in relationships. I grow by paying attention to the experiences and stories of other people living fully and giving back, by meditation, and having a daily spiritual practice, and sometimes contacting people I'm inspired by. That said, I still find my most beneficial relationships with authentic people who have experienced this heartbreaking and harrowing journey to wholeness. I'm thankful for these few exceptional and generous content creators like Heidi Priebe.

These are really hard internal beliefs to break. I remember having to consciously force myself to do things that were self nurturing sometimes. Not always, but under duress. Even the act of putting a bite of food in my mouth, chewing and digesting, is sometimes a most rebellious act to the programmed beliefs that a scapegoat can internalize.

i'm so grateful for your videos. for me, the loss of my first serious relationship actually gave me broken heart syndrome. i was in SO much pain. (for four years. first pain then numbness) it only ended when I started a new relationship (with a fearful avoidant *sigh*) and the relationship felt extremely insense. sadly we're fitting the point where my partner is pulling away (and after what happened last time, it feels like torture sometimes. for real). i am clinging onto your videos as a lifeline tho and am learning and improving every day.

Thanks again!! :D

Has anyone tips what to do if every time you try to be present, you get a panick attack or very depressed? I want to process my feelings but I can't handle them...

extremely eye opening

WOW - to be open to their honest and genuine response?! Never thought of that! The ONLY reason I ever share vulnerability, is with the hope I will receive emotional support! The honest and genuine response of most people is.. "I'm sorry for your trouble, but emotionally supporting you is not my job" Which has been devastating! 'How do I get then to care?' Ha! Yep... 'How do I get them to rescue me? So now I know, I've actually no interest in being vulnerable...... I just want to find people that CARE and will help me!

My mum was young when she fell pregnant. My parents were forced to marry but split when I was a baby. My mum worked hard to provide a good life for me but she wasn’t emotionally available to me when I needed her. My dad I rarely saw during my childhood and adulthood. He still doesn’t know how to communicate with me or show love. I always felt not good enough.

This is really upsetting, because its exactly me and I wish I wasn't like this

Heidi, I gotta say that above all the other creators of good content about attachment healing, yours by far exceeds all the others. You know just how to get to the heart of the matter in a way that doesn't feel overwhelming or hopeless. Thank you from the bottom of my heart; without your experience and wisdom, my journey to heal my FA attachment style would have been that much harder. I still rewatch your stages of healing mapped on the four competencies model video as a sort of temperature check along my journey, and I'm happy to say that I'm getting somewhere.

I can’t even imagine doing this with some family members. Even imagine doing the checking stuff is causing so much fear. As I know from experience that they do mean what they are passively aggressively saying most often and that any checking would not just cause invalidation but very serious black lash defensiveness from then which will then trigger me even more. Avoiding feels like the only safe option.

This is the most accurate video that I've come across (also watched it in 2x)

My ex just named his JEEP this. He thinks it’s cleaver because he is a therapist. I think it is blasphemous

5:41 5:41 But how can I feel at ease allowing other people (and myself) to begin seeing my edges if all my life I have been made to feel like there is something wrong with me and that my reactions and me as an individual are flawed and bad? If I have no friends or relationships that can support me? It feels like a catch-22 in that I need connection and relationships to begin building connection and intimacy and have relationships.

the "work" is NEVER done

I feel confused about when I should leave things and when I should stand up for myself and say something. I always think not saying anything is saying something. But sometimes I wonder if it is more emotionally healthy or more appropriate to articulate that I disagree.

12:38 I seem to not be able to transcend this place of feeling like I can’t feel confident my opinions and needs are valid regardless of whether other people validate them or agree with them or not. All my emotional energy every day is spent trying to figure out what has happened in situations where relationships have ruptured and ended. I spend hours composing messages that I never send to communicate my side of the story to individuals who are not receptive or motivated to listen to what I have to say. Occasionally if someone is communicating something I feel is unfair or unhealthy to engage with, I don’t feel the need to respond and I can move on and not be too consumed by it in a perhaps almost cold manner. Even if I was very attached to the person before the rupture happened I can do this. But in other situations, I have a much harder time letting things go particularly if I feel a group of people is involved. Then it is as if younger parts of me take control and they are so intense that the adult part of me isn’t able to intervene or calm them.

Heidi your videos are so on point, its lead me to a few dark nights of the soul tho that i havnt really recovered from. Do you think its possible to do this work alone whilst in a relationship with someone that wont do the work?

15:32 But I can see the other person then answering something untrue. Even if they are not self-aware they might intuit (when I ask them if my interpretation is accurate) that it will create tension between us if they answer yes. I feel in real life people are rarely self-aware enough, or sufficiently willing to expose themselves to a confrontational situation, to be honest in a situation like this. They are more likely to try to preempt discomfort, such as interpersonal tension in the moment, than be honest. I think they would try to smooth things over by telling me my interpretation is not accurate and rephrase whatever they had said that I had reacted to. And that this would create additional layers of muddle-ness to the conversation. I wonder if there is a name for this. When a conversation slips away from you because the other person is not admitting or is not aware of what they feel, or they take it back when you try to bring it out into the light?

This was gold

I never nod so hard to a video before. The first 18 minutes feels like im learning about myself

By far the best video I have watched about reparenting. Thank you Heidi. 🎉

My government is actively trying to block KZbin and VPN. Such a shame many of those who might need your perspective on things might be devoid of it very soon, as there are tons of traumatized people out here. Furious.

Confusion makes me very anxious. I ask for clarity all the time.

….the level of accuracy that you describe my experience is wiiiiiild. these are things my partner and I are navigating right now and each sentence you utter brings a gigantic light bulb! all of the titles of the videos you’ve released in the past month are hints at answers to the specific inner questions I’ve been having very recently. you’re amazing ❤ thank you so much for your work and sharing this-wow. after having a difficult upbringing into adulthood, your words are medicine that bring sooo so much relief

🧡 You explained this beautifully! I'm learning to say 'NO' and that my feelings are not the problem. My health IS getting better 🙌

Extremely difficult to keep following the thread with SO many ads 😭 Thank you for providing the content, which is amazingly apposite for me at this time.

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I would love a video on how trauma interacts with this

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I love you Heidi ❤

thank you so much for your videos. It is good to know that you too have been through and healing from CPTSD

I made this mistake you're referring to and ended things with my very patient, caring, loving boyfriend because things weren't "working out" and we were kind of stuck in the same place for two years - thanks to my FA style that made us stuck and not developing our relationship,, but im not ready to be in No contact with him and lose him for good, so I shouldn't have acted so impulsively and broken up. It's too late now, he's ready to move on. I hate myself.

What exactly do you mean by "trauma work"? Like what modalities are you referring to more exactly? <3

@7:50 Mom's spaghetti?

I have an issue with the top right quadrant. I think something is missing here. Take someone (person A) who is 100% identified to their ego and not self aware, but good at pushing back and putting blame on others. If another person B brings up some of destructive behaviour of person A, and the person A just pushes back putting all the blame on person B, there is no growth for person A and person B is left gaslit, while, in fact, person A should reflect on their selfish behaviour and change it. I mean, the comments might be made in good faith and without judgement but still met with defensiveness because someone identified with their ego doesn’t want to be challenged nor change. Take a dictator or a narcissist. This matrix doesn’t account for those cases, yet they absolutely do exist and we need to be prepared and know how to act when we face them.

WOW EXCELLENT!! Can my experience be described and known so much??!!

this is a perfect video, thank you.

Circling back to this in 2024 because I wonder how much this kind of family dynamic played into the election, and has been playing into politics for decades. All of the people who voted for Trump, and the people who didn’t feel like they could vote against Trump.