Her Actual Reasons For Divorce - Stop the Confusion

I often hear from my clients and viewers that they just don’t get why she left, when they didn’t actually do anything wrong! Sure, they made a few mistakes, but that’s human. Nothing worth divorce. This is one of the ways how divorce changes a man - leaving him feeling confused, bitter and deeply mistrustful towards other women.
In this video I help you understand how and why this happens, and I share one powerful, simple way to break free from those painful feelings and open up the possibility of a happier future for yourself.
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Your divorce can either be the nail in your coffin, or it can be the catalyst you use to finally confront and heal your emotional wounds so they don't kneecap your relationships.
You can become the best version of yourself and take control of your future. And now you can get access to the same step by step, proven system that has already helped hundreds of men do just that, inside the Better Beyond Divorce App.
GET ACCESS TO THE BETTER BEYOND DIVORCE APP NOW:
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*Additional Resources*
Free Masterclass: HOW TO TAKE BACK CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE AFTER DIVORCE
► resources.rachaelsloancoaching.com/masterclass-registration
Guide: Emotional Stages of Divorce for Men & How to Heal within Each Stage
► resources.rachaelsloancoaching.com/stages-of-divorce-guide
Dating After Divorce Checklist: Are you ready to date after your divorce?
► resources.rachaelsloancoaching.com/dating-after-divorce-checklist
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*Helpful Books for Divorced Men* (affiliate links)
► The Full Body Presence - Gives gentle, accessible exercises for somatic processing of emotional pain and trauma amzn.to/3umFPkj
► The Upward Spiral: Using Neuroscience to Reverse the Course of Depression, One Small Change at a Time amzn.to/3F326IS
► Breaking The Habit Of Being Yourself - Concrete tools and exercises for rewiring the brain and reimagining your sense of self and purpose amzn.to/3BaDyg9
► Legendary - Inspiration and a powerful perspective for stepping into your potential amzn.to/3H6ofsF
► The Myth Of Normal: Trauma, Illness & Healing in a Toxic Culture - Brilliant, in every way. This is an amazing resource for understanding yourself and your ex wife and finding the clarity or compassion you need to forgive. amzn.to/3UxdsuC
► Lost Connections: Why You're Depressed and How to Find Help - Intense and well researched. I would recommend this book when you are past the early stages of divorce and have a stable support system in place. amzn.to/3VNMOi7
I’m Rachael Sloan, Master NLP Practitioner, certified life coach, and the creator of Better Beyond Divorce. I've helped hundreds of men move past the shock, betrayal, grief and anger they experience both during and after a divorce, to a place of clarity, calm and confidence. I hope to help you do the same.
DISCLAIMER: I am a Master NLP Practitioner and personal growth mentor. The material in this video represents my understanding and experience and nothing more. This content is not meant to replace professional medical advice, treatment or diagnosis. Always consult your medical provider before making any changes to your treatment.
Women give a lot of reasons for divorce. Loss of intimacy, control, poor communication, feeling unappreciated, unrespected, unloved and so on. For men, this often comes as a bit of a shock. Sure, these are problems that should be addressed, but are they true failures of the marriage? Do they warrant divorce? It sure doesn’t feel like it for most men.
I often see this being a key element of how divorce changes a man. It’s one of the main reasons life after divorce for a man can be so challenging. When your ex wife leaves you, citing weak reasons for divorce, it makes you question both yourself and her. For many men it seems crazy to even imagine trusting a woman again, which makes moving on after divorce or having meaningful relationships again really challenging.
Surviving divorce and moving on after divorce is much easier if you understand the real reasons your ex wife left in the first place. She might not actually understand the true underlying reason herself! But it’s there. The problem isn’t that you had an unsuccessful marriage or that you were a bad husband. The problem is ultimately the communication or intimacy. It’s loneliness. People get divorced when they feel alone. If you want to get past divorce and move on, you have to look below the surface, past your ex wife’s aggression or complaints, and see the underlying doubts, fears and needs, in her and in you.

[@woodrowcall3269]

A man will give up his happiness for his family. A woman will give up her family for her happiness.

[@lawshorizon]

Unfortunately, that's so often true. IMO they just have no further use for their husbands -- other than the cash and prizes in a divorce settlement.

[@JohnSmith-nx7rx]

True very true...

[@bigredd5171]

I suffered and wanted to divorce for years but didn’t pull the trigger because we had a young child among other reasons. One day she suddenly said she wanted out. The child was just about to start high school. Even though I had wanted out for many years, I had decided to wait until the child was out of high school. So many years wasted and the anger was off the charts. Its been six years, and I don’t see remarrying in my future.

[@nickarrigo5540]

truth

[@stevekostakis2983]

Boom! 100% on point

[@andysteward8617]

A story as old as time. The woman gets bored of paradise, turns to the serpent, the serpent tells her sweet lies, she embraces the lies, and destroys paradise

[@timjohnson2186]

Perfect

[@kimepp2216]

Exactly

[@kevinnorris6157]

Brief and succinct

[@richardtheriault9121]

But keeps the souls of paradise these days, while her partner loses everything.

[@toneybond547]

And the beat of the pelvis goes on..

[@steventipton5130]

I listen to 8 minutes of the video and what I hear is she doesn't even know why she is divorcing you and she has no accountable for her actions

[@andrewmackenzie325]

I’ll extrapolate. Her internal monologue tells her she is not responsible for her own “happiness”, the husband is.

[@jackthere]

This is what we get by following our feelings. Sad, really.

[@musothreads9069]

@@steventipton5130 you heard correctly.

[@theotherwillie]

TRUTH‼️‼️‼️

[@trevorquick579]

I tried to save the marriage… I was married for 30 years.. I saw a woman who was family proud turn into a lying deceitful selfish dismissive individual who took advantage of my loyalty, honour and respect while she had a 4 2:01 year betrayal with another man and at the same time telling me I was the problem, I was a horrible individual… the gaslighting was incredible.. I thought my love was poison. It took me years to work through it and yes.. my faith in women is slim to none..

[@gkauto1959]

Im not going to try and sell you something so I'll just say that there is a way back to you re claiming your life. First and biggest problem is your lack of sleep, that will destroy everything else in your life and I faced the same issues of an ex turning the kids against me as well, many of us reading this have been there. First, look into CBD products, the gummies and drops they sell have some THC in them and were very helpful in getting to sleep despite what I was experiencing. I also threw in melatonin, but I imagine you might have already tried melatonin so just ry some CBD products. If you are a coffee drinker, stay away from that, too much caffeine will fuck with your sleep patterns, go with green tea instead, much better for you! The best way to attack depression is through exercise, forget about therapy, exercise beats it and all you really need do is begin to just fucking walk! Walking is free, and getting outside will clear the air in your head as well. Action, not talking is key. Look into some form of resistance training, its also very good for you and will begin to rebuild your frame, you need to begin to celebrate your life again, give yourself something to look forward to daily, but reserve it as a reward AFTER you've got some goal done. Now for the most important part, and this is crucial: go back in time, to the place you were in your life right before you met your ex, look at that guy, your former unmarried self: who was he? what did he like to do? where did he want to go, associate with, accomplish? Bring him back from your memories into your present day life, ask your 20 yr younger self the big questions and seek the truth about yourself form him! What did he like to do in his spare time? Do that! Once you've re discovered the best parts of your past, and re generate them, now you can go into the future, find new things to do, new people to associate with but only when you remember who you were will you know what you are today. So re establish sleep, get out and walk, lift weights, remember who you were so you can become what you want once you align your past with your future and work forward into liking who you were before so you can love who you are afterward....... Oh, one other thing: Ask Jesus into your heart and release all the anxiety to him, thats the best therapy out there, Love God and so become a loving man again. Once you instill all these changes, and they are not that tough to do, be consistent, everyday with the exercise and better nutrition and sleep habits. Hopefully this will help you as you bring your old self back from your past, its no mystery when you love your history and that great guy you see in the mirror!

[@Pieterpittigeportiepeperpathe]

I hear this story a lot. As if women can be totally biased, or they haven no conscience. Also when men discus a bad relationship, they are more nuanced. The times I witnessed women talking about a bad relationship, they view the man like a monster, while the things he does wrong are not that bad at all.

[@georgesontag2192]

I have the same story. All women start out sweet and loving. Most turn into divorcing monsters. The truth is out now.

[@tonyfarro9389]

In the end, I didn't even know who she was...

[@vivy45]

I can understand your pain and confusion. It sounds devastating what you went through. My husband of 15 years left me for a 22 year old. We were in business together too. He took me to the cleaners. He took everything and left me with debt that I have no idea if I will ever recover. I hope you find peace on day.

[@khalidaranki655]

Don't forget that they lie also, and never apologize for anything.

[@dannwhitehead6193]

Everything you said at the start of the video hit home for me. I am about 18 months in to my divorce. The anger has subsided, but paying alimony to someone that wanted the divorce is annoying. It’s like she tells me, I DON’T want you, I DON’T need you, but you need to pay me to not want to be with you. It’s like a tax and it impacts my ability to move forward in my own life

[@brambledemon1232]

Some states prohibit the paying of alimony for the person filing for divorce. That should be nationwide.

[@trevorquick579]

@@dannwhitehead6193 that sounds hideous!! I believe courts should abolish no fault divorce!! If you break the rules, you forgo the goods

[@gdwlaw5549]

I have just fisnihed my last payement (8 years),lost my investments (rental properties) but managed to get my children through University. I met someone 6 years ago and very happy. My Ex: He became violent, children wouldn't see him and she finally moved out to a very small flat and lives off government money. She looks awful and blames me! I had to get the kids together recently and explain our story. I told them that I hope they all have wonderful relationships but people change as they get older. I never gave up on sports, hobbies....walking etc....Take care

[@TRUTHandLIGHT4809]

If a person wants a divorce they need to go it alone. No alimony

[@brambledemon1232]

@@TRUTHandLIGHT4809 some red states are like that. If you file, you can't ask for alimony.

[@peemartick4655]

If she doesn't want to be with you, doesn't matter why. Just move on. Don't waste your thoughts on someone who doesn't even love you.

[@parrotshootist3004]

Yes. That's how marriage is supposed to work.

[@edwardo737]

It's called honoring your vows. Commitment. But those don't mean anything anymore. Any reason is good enough. Call it what it is. Clown world. Truly.

[@SamJohnson-pw3ju]

Exactly. Now that is how men think. Well said brother.

[@robsmith8933]

Clown world indeed. Female nature is bad enough then throw in social media making her think everyone’s else’s life is so perfect and she can just snap her fingers and find another you as soon as she doesn’t like something.

[@soundjunkiea22]

Her vows…. I will do what “I” want when “I” want with who or whom “I” want whenever “I” want

[@qwick6204]

It will be difficult my brothers. Keep your head up and work on you. Always remember you are the prize not her.

[@nickf2170]

Wife started an affair with her co worker. At that point it was all down hill, she made up false charges of abuse against me, filed a PFA, put me in prison. I bailed out, and fought for custody, in court no finding of abuse, custody evaluator said same thing, no abuse. Because there NEVER WAS ANY ABUSE! I got shared custody and had to pay twice to raise my two children, when they were with her, and everything all over again when they were with me. She got my retirement fund in the divorce, and I got to keep MY house. Now I am 67 years old trying to live on 30,000 a year social security. I was a Sr Project Manager for 43 years making 6 figures. The pain and suffering this women caused me, our children, my family are truely unspeakable.

[@Strider9655]

Too much attempting to remove accountability for the behavior of women, I don't care if it's depression, or hormones, or anything else, she KNOWS she's hurting that man, usually for years before the breakup, there are no excuses for this, NONE. The man is NOT an emotional punching bag, if it's wrong time of month them how is it she's not being a b*tch to her work colleagues or her boss, or her parents??? It's absolutely 1000% deliberate and she's doing it with the FULL knowledge of how that is affecting that good man. She is then using his withdrawal and his reactions to the way she treats him, as proof that he's a bad person. This is NOT the behavior of a sane human being, it is not acceptable in any way shape or form, and it is ABSOLUTELY NOT something that other people should be helping to excuse...... That man is facing being blamed and ostracised by everyone he knows, because everyone ALWAYS blames the man, the system also blames the man and punishes him as if it was all his fault.

[@mikemurphree1348]

Spot on! She is a horrible therapist ! These women are evil and like you said have zero accountability.

[@laurahenry3562]

Wonder why men don’t learn from this ,women say the same thing over and over over ,no cuddling no intimacy ,no emotional support after years an so they divorce,,then men return with name calling ,strange ,why don’t they start cuddling,give emotional support,an intimacy then they would still be married,😊

[@Strider9655]

@@laurahenry3562 a man is only going to take constant rejection for so long before he stops trying

[@Thinker1985]

Yup, like I sometimes tell my wife when she goes overboard, "you treat your co-workers far better than I"... If they can behave at work, why do they have to be so difficult at home?

[@Thinker1985]

​@laurahenry3562 Most men simply get turned off when their wives suddenly stop wanting sex with them, and treat them like a servant, handing over endless honey-do-lists, demanding that he drops everything to do things for her on her own timeline, expecting constant attention, refusing that he may have a life of his own etc. In summary, too high maintenance, not worth it after a while.

[@preacherno]

Oh, my divorce was easy to understand. I got cancer and was expected to die. I went from being a very high earner to receiving a pension. My now ex wanted to cash out so hired a lawyer. She was pretty upset when she didn’t get it all, but at least it was her, not me. We got almost thirty five years together, and having been miraculously healed from cancer I was able to start again. She’s alone, I’m not.

[@thetinmansheart]

Mine ghosted me at year one of my cancer battle.

[@preacherno]

@@thetinmansheart "Till death do us part,” ey? Bs.

[@gabrieladiego]

I want to see how this lady would spin it off to save this woman from wrongdoing.

[@crybabychrononaut]

What a witch.

[@djilaliboumechri3826]

May be she was the cancer

[@jeffpaxton9172]

She has gave her heart to someone else. That’s the REAL reason she’s doing it

[@Create-The-Imaginable]

Yes, Tyrone, Chad, or Javier! But what she does not know is that they are temporary distractions for her delusion! Tyrone, Chad, or Javier will not Marry her!

[@SteveJones379]

Women don't have a heart... they just go to the highest bidder.

[@musiclover4311]

She "has gave"??? Why don't you learn English?

[@robertanderson5092]

I don't think it's her heart that she gave to Chad, Tyrone, and Enrique

[@Create-The-Imaginable]

@@robertanderson5092 🤣

[@MoFoDaRoad]

My ex divorced me because she actually believed the stay at home dad neighbor would have been a better husband, provider, lover, etc. She stayed at home for years and never contributed financially to the home. Her approach was that I had to be painted as an abuser in the process. She had to learn the hard way this other guy lacked motivation to achieve anything of any value and lacked the emotional stamina to handle the baggage she brought to the table.

[@JohnT1050]

It's amazing - when they decide they want a divorce they have to justify theirs actions in part by creating the picture we were controlling, abusive uncaring sorry and on and on with negative adjectives. Anything hurtful that she thinks will land has been thrown at me. But even now, I feel shame and for what has happened. We become the one that ends up being abused and cannot find it in our heart to hate back. What makes it all worse? Finding out a man was involved who became her "soul mate". You feel run over by a truck.

[@RichardLange-by2nj]

Just stumbled across this. Its been 14 years for me, but it's still fresh. My ex pulled all this, but I flipped the script on her. I filed first and took the offensive. I ended up with the kids, the house, cars, even a child support judgement (unfulfilled). But all of that was only due to her being on drugs, she didn't have the wit to stand up to me in court. But if she had been sober, I would have lost it all for the dumbest reasons. I am afraid this video only underscores how men should avoid marriage for now, and until laws change. Until then, the best you can hope for is kids, then she can take it all away on a whim. Marriage, like the game in the movie WarGames, is game that a man can only win by not playing. Damn shame.

[@SamJohnson-pw3ju]

Same thing with me. DONT EVER stay with someone who doesn't want to be with you. Move on and man up. You will be happier, even if you are alone, you will have peace.

[@spxram4793]

Agree. Marriage as an institution has to be entirely left behind, at least with current regulations. Childcare should be automatically split 50/50 after going apart and only in special cases proven at court be changed to 40:60, 20:80 - to either side.

[@KevTheImpaler]

I once attended a public lecture by famous neuroscientist Colin Blackmore. He said the most accurate indicator of whether a woman would divorce you was how happy she was when she met you.

[@vivy45]

Probably the same is true in reverse. I was happy when I met Tom. He was miserable but I was determined to show him kindness, compassion and love. He left me for a 22 year old after 15 years of marriage. I am beside myself. I never saw it coming. I thought we were happy.

[@parrotshootist3004]

​@@vivy45thats the rescuer story. Most do, and are supposed to leave. Its not supposed to be confused for romantic bonding.

[@TheKarlslok]

Why would that be an indicator? What does that even mean, how happy she was? When? The same day you met? The same week, month, year?

[@KevTheImpaler]

@@TheKarlslok If a woman is a naturally cheerful woman then she is less likely to get divorced. If she is not naturally cheerful then she may conclude you are the reason. That is what I understood him to mean.

[@TheKarlslok]

@@KevTheImpaler thank you. Then the only problem is to know if her cheerful behavior is genuine or an act...my experience tells me that most women are great actors.

[@XolaniNdlovu-d9f]

Basically in this video she's a victim of her own mind and emotions. No man has a chance in that case

[@edmanvanschalkwyk6614]

It is the fickleness combined with the lack of self-questioning and the total absence of clarity of those female minds that annoy me badly. The idea of trusting an erring compass and inflicting damage onto others in the name of misguided trust & confusion.

[@XolaniNdlovu-d9f]

@@edmanvanschalkwyk6614 This generation is cooked whoever is still hopeful with women is delusional...They can't even bet on themselves

[@edmanvanschalkwyk6614]

@@XolaniNdlovu-d9f - I do not disagree.

[@peterquill2131]

Its always about her...and never any accountability. Stay single guys

[@shall671]

I agree with you 100%!

[@pro7070]

100%

[@MegaDavyk]

MGTW does not recruit woman do it for them.

[@spxram4793]

well - at least do not marry. And have enough space - two separate places or a large enough house.

[@mwaters421]

just have high standards in who you get attached to. If most guys stay single it will destroy society so this isn't a good knee jerk reaction.

[@josephfallon2819]

"she may act horrible, cruel, evil, and self-destructive, but you be compassionate and have empathy"

[@Create-The-Imaginable]

Horrendous advice! If your wife wants to divorce you then treat her better than when you were married to her! Be even more of a SIMP! Oh hell no!

[@newguy6935]

This video only made me feel even stronger in my mistrust in women.

[@lawshorizon]

LOL ... Just remember, it's because "she feels alone."

[@georgesontag2192]

Get 2 pre nups, one from her so she cannot say she was pressured.

[@lawshorizon]

@@georgesontag2192 Fun idea. But unfortunately only one prenup per couple.

[@dattrax7]

Exactly.

[@guitarskooter]

@@georgesontag2192 I've heard, hire 2 laywers, one for each of you, and have her lawyer review the prenup as well so it makes it much more air tight.

[@RonaldWarman-gr9kk]

Men, stop giving your resources, your energy, your time, and especially your heart to these women. I learned this 10 years ago the hard way. Many comments that I read from this video lead me to believe that you would gladly take these unfaithful, emotionally unstable women back tomorrow. Stop it!! Quit trying to understand because you can't. Move on with your life and NEVER go back, NEVER do it again.

[@andrewmackenzie325]

This is the only way. If men only understood the leverage and power associated with walking away and NEVER going back.

[@keywestfan2503]

Because her unhappiness is internal in HER, and there’s nothing ANYONE can do to make her happy, but by projecting the unhappiness onto the husband as the source makes HIM the bad guy and absolves her of any accountability. Her feeling “alone” is of her own manifestation. Good men don’t abandon good women. If a women brings peace and love, a good man will always lean into her and be present by nature.

[@767dag]

she did because she lack honor to self reflect and it’s easier to blame me for breaking her. !!! she is doing the biggest favor in my life , i said to her YOU. quit without ever trying… THEY GET PAID TO LEAVE … you have to except the fact you have zero control of the other person, she’ll always be empty because someone else can’t fill her empty tank

[@scrobag1]

I feel bad for my ex wife. She will never realize what she really lost when she filed for divorce. Grass is not always greener on the other side.

[@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach]

Isn't that the truth? Thanks for being here and sharing your thoughts.

[@John-ku5uu]

I don't

[@NZLV24]

Hope to feel this way soon mate

[@cryptojihadi265]

Why in the world would you feel sorry for her? Anyone that stupid and lacking in character doesn't deserve that.

[@spilledit]

They dont care. Women live a different life than wee do.

[@tedsmoothie1581]

Yup, she is unhappy and doesn't know why so she convinces herself that it's your fault. When the truth is, she has to find her own happiness- no guy can provide that.

[@johnnelson6431]

Thank you so very much on your widom that you have i was married for 30 yrs and we had 6 children she was a stay home mom when she turned 51 i was 48 she filed for devorce no reason she said she wanted to start her life all over ☹️ i said to her i dont agree but i have to respect your decision and out of anger and hurt i said to her you was my first and only but you will not be my last now 8 yrs have past no communication from her or our grown kids srnce then i have moved own and have become an author , Minister , no stress and weight of caring a family load God is my source and stength to live on 😀🙏🏾

[@miketardy8342]

When a woman rejects a man she granted the greater gift

[@ivoted7199]

“She’s only a woman to me.” Wake up gentlemen! Do your personal work. Improve your mind, body, & finances. You’ll never allow yourself to be lost in “love” again.

[@djmandgolf]

My wife divorced me because I played golf once a week with my friends. And she side I was too negative. I always cleaned the house for her. She never had to vacuum never had to mop a floor. I did all that for her,fixed things around the house paint the rooms went food shopping, helped raised my daughter, took her to soccer practice and soccer games etc. so I guess that means I suck as a husband.😢

[@jagd408]

wow sorry bro

[@CollinsCorp]

Hi, I’m sorry you’re hurting and I’m not trying to make it worse, but I’m hearing you say you cleaned “for her“ you vacuumed “for her“ helped raise your daughter ??? Dude! Listen to that. It was Your house too, right? The kid was yours too, right? Why are you looking at those things as doing something ‘for her’? That implies you think she should feel obligated for these thing that you’re doing “for her“. Next time out, pay attention to that and I think things might be better.❤ when you do those things it’s because you’re part of the team and you’re doing them for the both of you, for the family unit, to help achieve the unified goal. Not something you’re doing that she now needs to pay back. that’s a form of keeping score. I sincerely wish you better luck in your future #Don’tKeepScore

[@Jay-xb6nc]

@@CollinsCorp Yes but women keep score all the time and they chose not to remember all the sacrifices you made. They are ruled by their fickle emotions and once they check out at that level it is OVER.

[@123marchello]

You are a true gentleman. The problem is within her.

[@conniefoxx9813]

It wasn't you sweetie.....it was her. Some people (both genders) have a big empty hole to fill and no one can ever succeed no matter how hard you try. You will live longer without someone like that.

[@conniefoxx9813]

I'm worried about my son who was just served with papers for divorce. He is THE breadwinner (she always wanted to be a stay at home mom), but he also works from home and travels occasionally. He does most of the housework and cleaning, does most of the cooking, and is the disciplinarian. He's never cheated, but she cheated on him a few years ago. She brings home animals from the shelter and he gives in to what she wants because he loves her. She quit working when she was pregnant with their first child and 14 years and 5 children later tried working a couple of months ago and lasted only 1.5 weeks because she "didn't like people telling her what to do." She is supposed to be home schooling their children, but they are all behind and haven't been socialized. She claims fear for the children if they are sent to public school, but not enough to worry about their education levels. To me it seems all about her, and I think she's going to try and sit on her ass in the home, continuing to destroy/not maintain the home thereby destroying its value, and milk him for both child support and will probably try for alimoney. They're in Texas and has cut off my grandchildren and my son from us, and she doesn't speak with her parents either because they don't give in to her demands.

[@brambledemon1232]

Yep, he’s going to get wrecked.

[@Create-The-Imaginable]

Have your son secretly put everything in your name! She will get nothing! Create new banks accounts in your name! Keep the old accounts so she will not notice! Do not pull the married kill switch until your attorney tells you to do it! Wait until the time is right! Be strategic! Go on offense but keep it quiet, conversly make her think he is going to give her everything she wants!

[@sined9000]

Men, protect yourselves at all times.

[@johnmahland363]

Marriage is supposed to be a lifetime commitment and there should be greater respect for it.

[@lawshorizon]

Nothing is ever what you "suppose" -- in my experience anyway.

[@racebannon96]

Your spouse is suppose to love and support you. Too many wives want to be served and not give anything back. Emasculation, gaslighting, lying, and betrayal is standard operating procedure for so many of these women. Wives divorce their husbands 80% of the time when it comes to who is filing. Cash and prizes await these ex-wives by a bias family court system.

[@AustinKloud]

The woman you marry is not the woman you divorce. Every man who goes through a divorce sees this…. Stay free fellas- marriage/ divorce is t worth it.

[@puppy969]

She is the same woman. She is not the woman you thought she was.

[@Kauwa808]

I understand it was her choice. 29 years of experiences. I'm grateful for that. Sad but I was alone before and ok, I will be ok now

[@Imnotyourdoormat]

She's was socially engineered to never be yours. And she never was. It was merely your turn on her amusement park ride. Both Bruce Springsteen's "Tunnel of Love" and the Tubes "Shes a Beauty" vintage videos show this dynamic all too well. In the videos Bruce escaped and got away and was waved to by the men who didnt still stuck on the merry go round. In the Tubes video he didnt escape and had to be wheeled away as a prematurly aged broken down old man. In the "My Cousin Vinny" movie Miss Vito said, "He has to disclose his files to us he's not allowed any surprises"...

[@chrisjames3401]

A woman does not love like a man can love a woman. They intentionally hurt a man and in joy it.

[@elwalker9034]

Ma'am you are gold. I'm largely out the other end of my ended relationship. Used a few books, online content, and time to get there, but gosh, you're spot on. A lot of fellas are bound to transition to a better place from your pieces. Thank you for it.

[@michaelangelo4147]

But, compounding the fact that she is willing to destroy you financially adds to the bitterness and sour taste in having any other trustworthy fulfilling relationship. How can someone reopen those door once again, when it’s hard to give that trust? When you hear similar things from most women? When they have the same list of demands? When you start hearing the same mirrored speech patterns as if they had the same schooling on how to gaslight the man into this person whom they can be take advantage of? I immediately start putting my walls up with a determination to have nothing to do with any woman beyond the point of a simple conversation. Because, I am not looking nor willing to be put in a box, where I can be treated like this ever again by a person who was only there to use me as a provider, with my energy, time and resources? It’s hard to see a person being genuinely real and truthful these days. It seems that it’s all about what you can do for them right off the back with the person even knowing anything about you personally. The demands generally come first in the initial contact. The intent in asking for so much is usually a fairytale for the common woman. Thinks that they usually never required from their previous mates. But no shocker there right. But men are pulling back from the dating scene because this what they here. This is our experiences in this new era of the modern day woman who are not it for the long haul of the relationship. Who are not loyal and have bo problem bouncing around or monkey branching onto the next guy. It’s too much to ask for if you ask me. Men have to sacrifice so much for very little in return and that is the dilemma isn’t it?

[@frankdique8799]

Absolutely. Totally agree with your comments. 👍

[@MichaelWilliams-ph4ri]

Men have expanded the age old adage, 'if it Flies or Floats, it is cheaper to rent.' Now there are 3 'F's. This is exactly why.

[@edkolly7147]

After my divorce I’m less trusting of women and tougher on future relationships and I’ll walk away first now no more BS ,I now have very clear borders and if crossed I’m gone and no looking back !

[@lawshorizon]

So it's because she feels "alone"? ... Uh ... OK. Anyway, this video just came up on my "recommended" and it's 2 years old. Now I'm seeing these new comments. Although the first part is very accurate, IMO they just have no further use for their husbands -- other than the cash and prizes in a divorce settlement. In any case, you don't leave someone you love. Nobody leaves someone they love.

[@robertanderson5092]

KZbin must have updated their algorithm again.

[@jamesa9004]

Once she consults a lawyer, and starts the paperwork, the divorce industrial machine is activated, and that machine is geared to maximize her return. And has no brakes. Guys think they are just dealing with their wife during a divorce.Nope, it's way bigger. Once she files, buckle up for the ride... The only countermeasure is to keep the state out of relationships. Which is harder every decade.

[@stevemccready6776]

She left because hypergamy wasn't satisfied

[@Pieterpittigeportiepeperpathe]

The same happened to me but ended differently. I was the one filing for difforce. My ex wife was unhappy, not friendly and I was the cause of the problem, according to her. I didn't want a bad relationship and I didn't want to be the cause. I started to change everything that she was complaining about, but while I was checking off the list the list got longer and longer. Another thing is she wanted things and didn't want them. For instance, she wanted to be hugged, but when I hugged her she pushed me away. Out of nowhere and for no reasons she could become agressive. My relation with my daughter got worse as well, because how I treated her mother. I did not tread her bad in any way. I realised my ex was the problem and told her to change her behaviour. She did not change and I filed for divorce. Our children stayed with me, because she couldn't take care of them. The way my daughter saw things changed. She realised her mother was the problem. Now 2 years later my ex calls me sometimes, cries and tells me she's sorry, because she loves me. I do not fully understand why she couldn't change.

[@jonahtwhale1779]

Suggest a possible reconciliation. A vacation together to see if things can work out - perhaps Yemen or Somalia - return tickets for you, one way for her!

[@Sh0nuff73]

😂​@@jonahtwhale1779

[@musothreads9069]

​@@jonahtwhale1779 dont try to fuck his life up all over again by suggesting such things

[@musothreads9069]

​@@jonahtwhale1779oh hahahah i only read the 1st sentence then made my previous comment. Yes..... sounds like a great plan

[@racebannon96]

The now ex-wife was miserable. She wanted everyone around her, the kids and me to be miserable too. She thought her unhappiness was my fault. She had an affair and moved in with him. She tried coming back two months later. Reality was hitting her hard. There was no remorse or an apology from her. I said No. She had the Jezebel spirit, just hateful and vindictive. I got the divorce done quickly. She had a horrible business sense. I had to give her some cash but I did very well financially in the divorce and got custody of our kids. I went No Contact with her about 15 years ago. She will always hate me. I don’t care.

[@bernieeod57]

Mine was "I am unhappy!" Those words were spoken with the same outrage one would consider justified in infidelity, abuse, or neglect

[@k.c.wingert7179]

Modern women aren't equiped with the same values as our grandmothers. We are dealing with 60 years of culture conditioning where women believe that chasing their happiness will set them free. What ends up happening is they become enslaved to their desires. Lasting happiness can only come from the satfisfaction of knowing you fulfilled your purpose in life. In order to do that there must be responsibility, duty, obligation, basically all the buzz words the left doesn't like. Marriage is an institution that is not about your happiness, it's not even about you. It's about love-which is something we choose to give time and time again.

[@trevorquick579]

@@bernieeod57 sounds familiar… I just wanna be happy she said🙄…. Well she is now 53 years old and 1.2million in debt 👌… where as I pay my house of in Sept and then debt free and loving life

[@keithmurry2157]

You are not talking about the face that the majority of women who filed already has another man they are seeing. 70% divorces are filed by women, that number is higher with college educated women.

[@timizo691]

My wife was diagnosed at 38 with stage 3 triple negative breast cancer. She went through chemo, radiation, and double mastectomy. I was with her through all of it. Her personality changed after treatment ended. She became colder to me. Intimacy was gone. We were just living in auto pilot. Now she wants to divorce. She says it was years of resentment. Won’t give specifics and won’t try to work on our marriage. She’s become very mean toward me. She’s a completely different person. Our marriage wasn’t perfect but it was a good marriage. Could all of this be from cancer? The fear of it coming back and feeling all alone?

[@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach]

Hi, I'm sorry to be so slow in my reply here. How are you doing now? What your wife went through was likely quite traumatic (I say likely because trauma is not a set thing for everyone, we all experience different degrees of traumatic reaction to the same set of events). The nature of trauma is that it impacts our ability to relate and connect. This video describes what happens to someone's nervous system in response to trauma really well, and it might help you right now: kzbin.info/www/bejne/mKObXqSbl898ndU If you haven't already, I would strongly recommend seeking some support yourself as you navigate this. I host a private community for men going through separation and divorce, and it is a great place to share what is happening, get support and access effective tools and resources for managing your own mental and emotional health. Plus you can reach me directly there, and often I can offer feedback or coaching that can help when things get tricky. You can find details here: www.rachaelsloancoaching.com/better-beyond-divorce

[@wLBlue]

25% getting mental health treatment and the other 75% running around untreated. She/they are adult children. And yes they are evil and selfish.

[@urbanart7325]

I actually asked for divorce, 10 years too late. No respect. No love. No cuddling. Roomate.

[@jroll5858]

This is why she lost respect. You “asked” for a divorce. You should have just done it. And now you’ve wasted 10yrs & she resents you even more for not manning up & following through. Not trying to be mean but dude you gotta snap out of it & move on with your life without her in it

[@Originalman360]

Rachel has helped me to understand this process sooooo much…it makes going no contact even easier…give her what’s she thinks she wants…let her feel the full weight of her decision…once I find out the “why’s” I’m sooooo much better…I went through all of the stages…

[@davincino6022]

Its a tricky thing introducing the idea that anyone's former spouse was hurting and feeling alone and is human and not some crazy sadistic creature from hell. Are you right? Of course you are. Dead on, 100% every word. But having recently been married for 28 years myself, that thinking triggers my instinct to feel sorry for her, to protect her, to forgive her for her accountability. I did the 'how could she do this' thing for a year or more until i realized that the person i thought she was couldn't do those things, but the person she actually IS, well who knows. It gave me some closure at least and i accept i will never have the answers for so many things, but maybe thats for the better.

[@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach]

It is a tricky thing! It's a lot easier to be bitter or angry... and often people need those feelings to get out of despair and move forward with their lives. But she's human. So are you. The even harder truth might be that it isn't your job to protect her or feel sorry for her. She is responsible for herself, as you are responsible for you. The hardest part of all of this may be shaking free from the roles you were taught you were supposed to fill, so that in your next relationship you have the opportunity to experience real partnership. It sounds like you are finding your way forward, and through accepting the things that are hard to accept. Thank you for watching and for sharing some of your thoughts.

[@scrobag1]

You are so right. I’m in the same situation

[@WengertD]

​@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach "your next relationship" LOL, I'll quote Rocky Balboa, "ain't gonna be no rematch!"

[@octright01]

Thank you Racheal these KZbin channel is the only thing getting me through.

[@dadzilla007]

An unfornuate truth, it isn't uncommon that a woman already has a relationship in mind, or in hand before you hear the "I want a divorce".

[@racebannon96]

The only thing the now ex-wife hated more than me was being alone. She lined up a boyfriend before she left us. Her leaving was the gift that keeps giving.

[@InTonalHarmony]

Hahaha, the gift that keeps on giving. I think that’s the way I’m starting to see this.

[@johnrencheck2283]

Distrustful is an understatement no trust,yep and never will change ,ya thats me....now forever

[@erikdeca]

I am in my early 60s. My wife divorced me 3 years ago (it came out of the blue) and it was a pretty amicable divorce. I am single and happier now that I was at any point in the last decade of my marriage.

[@carlmarch9591]

I’m very impressed with your channel Rachael really impressed, and that’s coming from a guy who has gone down the male red pill route, my ex wife tried to monkey branch to her friends husband our neighbours all the kids are friends, it failed of course he used her whilst begging to go back to his wife, she divorced him, my now ex wife will never admit why she asked for separation and for me to leave the family home, obviously when her fantasy failed and I used the pain to hit the gym and self improvement and other females wanted to take her place guess who spent a couple of years hinting and flirting to get loyal husband back! No thanks my self respect and worth Is worth more than that, so two broken homes for nothing because of Female emotions, I wish more woman would watch these videos as it would stop them making ridiculous life changing decisions and to understand their emotions, she is now a nearly 50 year old single mum and unfortunately has multiple sclerosis with no husband to support her, keep up the great work I’m going to get through plenty of your videos, al, the best from England 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿

[@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach]

Hi Carl, thanks so much for watching, and thanks for sharing some of your story here. I'm really sorry that you went through all of that, and I can see that there are still a lot of painful pieces there for you as well. I hope the videos help you figure out what it is that you might still be holding on to or need to work through at this stage in order to achieve your goals for yourself. I appreciate your kind words and I'm really glad the videos have been helpful.

[@diddyherrera9231]

I went through a lot of financial crisis after my divorce, I had to raise my two kids alone, Currently I'm living smart and frugal with my money,bought my third house already. Saving and investing lifestyle made it possible for me; even till now I earn monthly through passive income. I'm planning on retiring when my kids finish college,just hope it encourages someone that it doesn’t matter if you don’t have any of them right now, you can start TODAY regardless your age INVEST and change your future! Investing is a grand choice I made. Great video! Thanks for sharing

[@Lawrencekingsley01]

Glad I came across this comment section. I was struggling to decide what to do with a good amount of money in the bank doing nothing. I would be happy if you could advise me, as I am ready to go the passive income path.

[@diddyherrera9231]

Alright so generally, investing requires higher knowledge. For this reason, It's important to have a solid support structure (financial consultant) to guide you through especially in asset picking. I operate with (REGINA LOUISE COLLARO) an investment advisor who partners with a licensed wealth management firm. For the record, the experience has been the best for my finance. She is quite popular for her services so you might have heard of her. She made me financially stable investing through her help, now I earn on a monthly basis through her passive income strategy. So I’ll advise you do get a good Investment advisor for yourself.

[@Lawrencekingsley01]

Thank you for your advice. It's challenging to find a reliable investment advisor, and I appreciate your input. Seeing the successes you've achieved through investing, I would love to have access to your investment advisor's information if you wouldn't mind sharing it.

[@diddyherrera9231]

look her up on the internet and leave her a message she's quite popular for her services as she was recently featured on cnn. She can work with anyone irrespective of where their located

[@cathenido1624]

Personally, I'm blessed and realizing I'm not the only one working with Regina Louise Collaro. I will consider myself lucky. I've been able to feed and make a living through her advice and great work. For such a person as Regina, I owe her gratitude, support and endless prayers as it is not easy to gain access to such a competent and reliable adviser. Who isn't just wise but has all it takes to handle an investment and is good at what she does.

[@wardbischoff9165]

She is cheating, most likely a narcissist. Women always have a backup. Never try to save a relationship, it only makes the situation worse.

[@mussersbowsboatsandscience6610]

Be a free agent don't risk losing everything in a divorce.

[@Random-rt5ec]

Happiest days of my life were when I was single chasing my dreams and dating just for fun. Marriage ruined me both financially and emotionally. Stay single and enjoy women but keep them a safe distance

[@dennishansel9526]

Good to know. She told everybody we knew that she had to divorce me because I was a heroin addict. That was forty-five years, a few million dollars, and a half dozen great grandkids ago. Live your best life while the ex-wife self distructs.

[@ijordo]

I like how you have talked to so many guys about this, you know exactly how we think about this. Also the "she shouldn't file for divorce without HAVING A GOOD REASON" line is hilariously how i felt that quite a bit over my journey.

[@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach]

Hi Jordan, thanks for watching and sharing. I have to admit, this surprised me when I first started exploring it with my clients. I had my own assumptions that I hadn't fully examined! I think it is a big challenge for a lot of couples - both partners tend to assume that the other one has the same mental "rule book" for marriage as they do, and then it's so shocking when they find out that isn't the case.

[@jamiecase2597]

My now ex wife just one day up and kicked me out of our home no reason giving then when I told her I didn't want a divorce she asked for one, I tried to work things out but she told me she didn't love me anymore that right there was the stake through my heart. I know I made mistakes in our marriage this was my 1st marriage I learned as I was going through it, she wasn't the same person I married at the beginning, its sad even after everything we have been through I still feel love for her, even after she broke my heart into pieces, but I've moved on since then just trying to pick up the pieces and try to figure out what happened, I really didn't see it coming. And now almost 1yr after being divorced she still has people watching everything I do and reports back to her even though we don't have no contact with each other

[@georgeelder8415]

You could move away from her...

[@jroll5858]

If a women is madly in love with you she’ll be stuck to like a sucker fish. You could beat her up & she’ll tell her family her face ran into your fist. (Obviously you don’t do this but it’s just an example). My overall point is they never just leave you for no reason. There were signs but you didn’t pick up on them or ignored them. Women always want to feel like they’re heard & understood by their man

[@crappyfellow]

Until someone stops the free reign of Family Court, good men will avoid marriage and women in general. Nowadays, only 6.5 men in a thousand get married due to the following scenario: (1) man gets married, (2) wife refuses to have sex, (3) wife racks up huge credit card debt, (4) wife stops contributing financially, (5) wife stops cooking & cleaning, (6) wife cheats on husband, (7) wife files for divorce and takes the house, cars, savings, and kids, (8) wife falsely accuses husband of abuse and he no longer can see his kids, (9) wife poisons kids against the father. What man in his right mind will sign up for this?

[@FredandChase]

Thanks for your down to earth clarity. Nearly everything you said is what I witnessed and experienced first-hand.

[@SteveJones379]

Everyone has issues, it doesn't give her the right to divorce. Why does she get to be nasty just because she has underlying "issues?" It's not about her. She needs to be accountable.

[@Thunderroad8517]

Hello Rachel. I was left by my wife a day after our anniversary in September .Blindsided is not totally true. But still shocked to say the least. My self like many other men have searched for answers to our questions through therapy and friends and of course You tube. I just want to mention that your content really puts things in a better perspective and brings light to the confusion I have felt for months now. You have given me many tips on how we got to the place of separation. I like many got blamed for the spouses unhappiness when there is some truth there. Your video pointed it out. Men really weren’t taught how women work and it seems that even changed like the cars we drove in the 60s and 70s compared to the ones we drive now. Many men may agree that we didn’t get that memo. Thanks for the heads up to see myself and be better If love comes calling again….

[@fighterpilots9087]

the best advice for a divorced man, just move on , let her go and focus on your self, your job and your health and with the passage of time your emotions will be stabilized. I gnore her and use no contact rules and looking for other wife that you deserve.

[@Big_Daddio]

The trouble is that I’m suspicious of all women now

[@VirginiaBoy703]

@@Big_Daddiofacts

[@neihomai8]

but what if you have children whom you cannot see because of her??

[@reginaldsmith6949]

@neihomai8 "but what if you have children whom you cannot see because of her??" Sometimes you have to just let go and be prepared to not see them until they’re old enough to leave. Your kids are smarter than adults give them credit for, so with time they will figure out who was the problem. If they're in school, visit them there a couple of days a week if you can. The goal is to take her out of the equation so you can see your kids on your terms. Stay connected with them via text, email, or social media depending on their ages. The most effective way to deal with your wife/ex wife is to use the law of Non Resistance.

[@neihomai8]

@@reginaldsmith6949 thanks, but they are only one year old now, and they will not not have any memory of me or have any memory to miss me.... i am in so much pain.... i don't know what i can do...

[@andrewm4057]

This is very helpful. We may not need to walk away with our pain, there may be a way to resolve these difficult life challenges without such acrimony. Thank you.

[@joshuaybarbo4332]

Thank you!! I needed to hear that too! Also, looking at all these comments makes me feel like I'm not alone. I'll check out your masterclass. I saw a comment about your ex falling out of love. Could you send me the link to that video? Thx, again!

[@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach]

You are certainly not alone. I'm not sure which video that commentor was referring to... You might find this one helpful though: kzbin.info/www/bejne/i2qxhn6Di9Z1ia8 I hope you enjoy the masterclass! I also just launched the Better Beyond Divorce App. The free version has a lot of resources, as well as options for getting further support and ways to connect to a community of men dealing with similiar challenges: resources.rachaelsloancoaching.com/bbd-free-app

[@mark71008]

Wow. Im so glad I found this when I did. It happened almost exactly as you described. Served papers a week ago, 6 months into our 3rd seperation. Whatever I did to change and improve was not enough. She obviously fell out of love (as you described in another video about your accident) and was just looking for the opportunity to pull the trigger. A 20 year marriage too. Rachel, you are an angel. I can't believe how accurate your words are here. And so calming 😌. I realize now that this is a widespread problem for guys. We are not alone! Now I have to find it in my heart to forgive her and let her go - which means stop dwelling on the divorce and her all day and all night; as she has probably done already! Lol. Wow

[@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach]

I'm so glad this video was helpful. Thank you for watching and for your kind words. It sounds like you are taking big steps in the direction of healing, letting go and moving forward, which is wonderful to hear! If you'd like more specifics on how to forgive, stop dwelling and really let go, please check out my free masterclass. It goes deeper into the nitty gritty 'how to' of moving through pain, reclaiming confidence and finding forgiveness. You can find the details here: www.rachaelsloancoaching.com/journey-to-emotional-freedom I wish you the best in this journey. It isn't an easy one, but I can see that you're already moving in a positive direction.

[@georgeblackwell4670]

I going through this exact thing! It’s so painful.. we just had a one year old and she’s 6 months pregnant now and filed for divorce

[@gkauto1959]

Im not going to try and sell you something so I'll just say that there is a way back to you re claiming your life. First and biggest problem is your lack of sleep, that will destroy everything else in your life and I faced the same issues of an ex turning the kids against me as well, many of us reading this have been there. First, look into CBD products, the gummies and drops they sell have some THC in them and were very helpful in getting to sleep despite what I was experiencing. I also threw in melatonin, but I imagine you might have already tried melatonin so just ry some CBD products. If you are a coffee drinker, stay away from that, too much caffeine will fuck with your sleep patterns, go with green tea instead, much better for you! The best way to attack depression is through exercise, forget about therapy, exercise beats it and all you really need do is begin to just fucking walk! Walking is free, and getting outside will clear the air in your head as well. Action, not talking is key. Look into some form of resistance training, its also very good for you and will begin to rebuild your frame, you need to begin to celebrate your life again, give yourself something to look forward to daily, but reserve it as a reward AFTER you've got some goal done. Now for the most important part, and this is crucial: go back in time, to the place you were in your life right before you met your ex, look at that guy, your former unmarried self: who was he? what did he like to do? where did he want to go, associate with, accomplish? Bring him back from your memories into your present day life, ask your 20 yr younger self the big questions and seek the truth about yourself form him! What did he like to do in his spare time? Do that! Once you've re discovered the best parts of your past, and re generate them, now you can go into the future, find new things to do, new people to associate with but only when you remember who you were will you know what you are today. So re establish sleep, get out and walk, lift weights, remember who you were so you can become what you want once you align your past with your future and work forward into liking who you were before so you can love who you are afterward....... Oh, one other thing: Ask Jesus into your heart and release all the anxiety to him, thats the best therapy out there, Love God and so become a loving man again. Once you instill all these changes, and they are not that tough to do, be consistent, everyday with the exercise and better nutrition and sleep habits. Hopefully this will help you as you bring your old self back from your past, its no mystery when you love your history and that great guy you see in the mirror!

[@jeffreysmith7274]

Rachael your diagnosis is so on target. I sure can see how this happened in my 35 year marriage and your teaching will help me be more at peace with her decision, to wish her well with her new man who apparently provides what I did not and to prepare for a future successful relationship if that is what God has in store for me. Thank you sincerely.

[@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach]

You're welcome, Jeffrey. I'm really sorry to hear about your divorce. Making your peace with that after 35 years is not an easy task. Do you have some good support in your life right now?

[@johnrencheck2283]

Another successful relationship ,u mean like the one you thought u had in your 35 yr marriage, good luck with that my man its a shitty world out there now!

[@miketardy8342]

Young lady it was nice for you to do this but the reality is that when a woman leaves a man she has granted the greater gift and I eventually got custody of my sons the judicial system has the laziest human beings ever seen no more marriage for me

[@mw1606]

Very good video. It is hard to hear it, and it is harder still to accept it. I do not doubt any of it. It is truth in the real sense. The sad part is that "you've lost that loving feeling" is all it means, and there is little chance of getting it back. Rachael, how many times have you witnessed this exchange: Her "I want him to do X, Y , and Z." A couple weeks later they come back, and he did X, Y, and Z. He actually modified his behavior. At the next session she says "It was like he was checking things off a list." Mine went one step further...she refused to even say what X, Y, and Z were, because she knew that I had it in my power to do whatever it was. Your training teaches you to tell a man that the heinous things that a divorcing woman does to a man do not compromise her humanity. Likewise, does society tell a woman that no matter what he does or did, he's still a human deserving of compassion? Like millions of men across America, I was served with a petition for divorce full of demonstrably false accusations. Her lawyer took those statements, and defamed my character in public with false and misleading accusations, that now could be fodder for a court to use against me. And you think this kind of lying does not diminish her humanity, while she is diminishing mine?

[@generationscalleywag]

Hi M W, my ex marriage also ventured slightly down this "X, Y, Z thing" as well in counselling. So I can vouch for that happening

[@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach]

Hi M W, thank you for being here and sharing your story. I'm glad this video was one that you enjoyed, and I cannot tell you how sad it makes me to know the way you've been treated in the courts, by your ex wife and all the professionals involved in your case. It's not right. It's not fair. And yes, I would argue that it "should" be different. Yet if I honestly answer your question, does this kind of lying diminish her humanity, does her diminishing yours not diminish hers... I have to answer no. You are human. And so is she. The one thing I know for certain is that evil does not exist. Which means that even the most heinous, reprehensible actions must make sense. They must make sense within the context of the human brain that chose (consciously or not) to take that action. I've worked with clients who were physically abusive. Their actions? Horrific. Awful. Undeniably WRONG. And yet... when I sit with them, when I am curious, and seek, without judging, to understand what their internal experience was in the moment that they committed that action, I find, without fail, that it makes sense. Horrible acts are horrible. Yet they are not acts of evil. They are desperate, often unnecessary and incredibly ineffective, attempts at seeking safety or love. I have yet to see a case where that is not true. The action may be absolutely wrong and bad. Yet the person doesn't go away. The human is still there. The flip side is that she cannot diminish your humanity. It isn't something that can be reduced. It simply exists. You are human. You are you. She cannot take that away from you. She, and the courts, might take your money, they might take your children, but they cannot diminish your humanity.

[@mw1606]

@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach Grab your backpack, we have some ground to cover. I'm not sure what your definition of evil is. You acknowledge an act can be horrible, meaning good or bad. But in a world where good and bad exist, evil does not. I take this to mean you draw a line between humanity and the divine? That humans, not being divine, are incapable of evil because that is the realm of the divine? I don't mean to ask if you believe in a divine being or divinity or spiritualism, but that seems to be the point where "evil" is for you. Slavery was, and is to this day, the diminishment of the humanity of the slaves. Humans can and do perpetrate acts that, for our time on earth, deny them their humanity. Women who are sex trafficked are no less human in nature, but they are being denied their humanity by the acts of their captors, who are also humans. A man who is victimized by a vindictive spouse who accuses him of the kind of things I stand accused of cannot be sure his right to be treated as a "full human" will ever be restored, once the accusation has been made. Later retractions and apologies mean nothing to someone who will never see trust in his child's eyes again.

[@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach]

@@mw1606 You raise so many great questions! Let's see... Good vs. Bad Yes, I use this language to describe actions as good or bad. However when I apply these labels they are simply my thoughts. My opinions. They are optional labels. Good and bad are constructs, concepts created by the human brain. I don't believe that they actually exist outside the human mind. Certainly the natural world doesn't bother itself over the illusion of good or bad. The Divine I don't believe in Good or Evil on a divine scale either. Theology and personal belief may be a topic for another conversation. For now I'll simply say these are illusions created by humans. Diminishing Humanity When I speak of humanity I am referring to the power we each have to be intentional about what we think and where we place our focus. I am not talking about human rights. Frankly, those are also a construct of the human mind. Human rights do not exist outside the established norms and expectations of a human culture. And the "rights" of many people around the world are violated repeatedly, every day. The humanity I refer to that is your ability to own what happens within your own mind. How you think of yourself, how you feel about yourself, that belongs to you.

[@mw1606]

@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach Well, let me apply what you said. I think, therefore I am human. And good and bad are what my Ex decides are good and bad. She says her infidelity is good, so it's good. I say it's bad, so it's bad. But we are both operating under illusions, so we are both wrong and both right at the same time, but good and bad is a mere thought, so we are actually both wrong, because mere thoughts are just chemical reactions, they have no intrinsic meaning. Then marriage is a shared delusion. And when the delusion is over, too bad for you both, it was all just a delusion. You invested your flesh in it, your blood, sweat, tears, the only life you have to give, but hey, it was all just a temporary figment of your mutual imaginations. It's over now, just let it go, it was a waking dream, you might have been better off dreaming you were the King of England, at least the pay would have been better. But unfortunately for me, and all the other men in America, the American Legal System does not deal in delusions. While marriage may have been a temporary insanity on the part of me, my ex spouse, and all the people who had the delusion we were married including the children we supposedly had, the government is now allowed to rob me of my money and children based on a delusion, a mere thought. If I just had never imagined I was married, I would never have lost everything I wanted and worked for in my life. I could tell the government "marriage is just a made up thing, I am keeping my money. And my kids." They'll put me in jail, but jail, like all marriages, is a delusion. In my mind, I'm free. and at this point, I can't even be sure I have lived, because I may not be alive, I may just be an unfortunate character in someone else's dream, a mere fleeting thought by some other being across the cosmos.

[@SteveJones379]

Men, if you get married, it WILL get very complicated. Keep it simple, stay single. ☮

[@RoqueMarquez-yg8rm]

Rachel, I have recently discovered and am consuming your videos that seem to be on point on so many areas. I was married for 23 years. Divorced for almost 4 now. I am so tempted to send this to my X to see what she thinks. I’ve made so many mistakes after the divorce would that be another one. I’m really curious because she never was good at communicating.

[@jameilsanders1492]

Mine is a narcissist and she probably is cheating I tried to save it but it can’t be saved.

[@peace4all999]

Thank you , rachel for your wonderful advice and support.❤

[@stanmoney8470]

My ex just divorced me six months ago over some of the things you mentioned. Including I'm not happy! We had a blended family, we both brought a child into our union and had one together. I think it was someone in the background.

[@wLBlue]

Don't date moms

[@thewilder-side2990]

Wow I just found your channel while going through a divorce. I’ve been married for 30 years. My wife announced her attention on July 17, this year. She filed on the 19th, put our home of 30 years on sale, sold in 24 hours. She moved out and now we are in a bitter battle. No I don’t get it.

[@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach]

I’m so sorry. That is fast. How are you doing? Do you have a support system to help you navigate all this?

[@thewilder-side2990]

@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach nope, I tried to sign up for your 45 minute consultation however your openings work tomorrow and Tuesday and I can’t do either of those days and it won’t let me book further out

[@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach]

@@thewilder-side2990 shoot me an email at [e-mail] with your time zone and a little more info about your availability. We can set up a time to talk that way instead.

[@johnrencheck2283]

How does she sell it without your permission go to court get what u deserve out of it u dont need a counselor you need a ruthless LAWYER

[@louisb5563]

Just found this...thank you, I believe I FINALLY understand why now.

[@willcolbath6999]

Thank You for what you do! Your videos are so helpful and give a solid perspective of what is going on because this is all the unknown for me!

[@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach]

You're so welcome! I'm really glad to hear it. If you're finding these videos helpful, you should take a look at my free masterclass here: resources.rachaelsloancoaching.com/masterclass-register It goes a lot deeper into the process of fully letting go and getting your life on track after divorce than I can do in these youtube videos. I think you'll find it useful! Thanks for watching and taking the time to comment.

[@monkeyboyalcoholic]

I will try to keep my exes humanity in mind when considering our divorce. I appreciate your content, particularly with using the physical to control your emotional stress. But ultimately I can't help but wonder what your take is on red pill content? Based on your experiences, do you think men should still get married? Do you think marriage is obsolete? Exploring these ideas would be good for your channel in my opinion.

[@thenorm2094]

I am moving on, We have been seperated for 4 months after 28 years together and 24 years of marriage. 25 of 28 years were great. The paperwork is done. She moved out said she doesn’t need me she wanted to want me which made no sense. I live with my kids in a family home that we bought from her family and i rebuilt myself. Our daughter wants a relationship with her mother who has emotionally checked out. She is so into her job, I was tired of being last on the list. We became roommates I did everything to make her life easier so she could focus on her career. I worked 50-60 hours a week, took care of my kids and our multiple properties. When we see each other face to face she gets emotional. I am a drama free super nice guy who prefers peace over conflict. We never fought about anything, and I adored her. She started texting with another man and I didn’t even get angry, I told her i want her to just be happy. I know i am a great person, and she is too, we are not right together anymore.

[@WhiteGhost21]

thats fkd. monkey branching.

[@TheKarlslok]

Yeah she sure sounds like a great person, by your description. So very great.

[@mikeallred4390]

Wow. That was deep. Very different way to view her behavior. TY

[@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach]

You're weelcome, Mike. Thanks for watching and commenting. If you ever want to go even deeper... check out my new Better Beyond Divorce App. It's got a lot of good resources that go beyond the scope of what I can realistically share here on YT, and it's free to get started: resources.rachaelsloancoaching.com/bbd-free-app Thanks for being here and being part of this community!

[@robertfischer9691]

Rachael, your insight makes sense and your explanation that a party looks to blame a "bad guy" to absolve guilt, even though the party is dealing with issues that have often nothing to do with the other party resonates, too. Our throwaway society often opts not to understand and appreciate one another as well as the relationship of marriage and its fullness, but rather hit the escape button leaving parties wounded, rather than seeking the path that love bears all things, believe all things, hopes all things, love never fails. Love is more than mere words, but a belief, hope, and committed action that flows willingly because of oneness. Unfortunately, even the math of two becoming one, with "one" wanting division proves the point "United we stand, divided we fall."

[@oldschooldude7729]

Men have to stop treating relationships like computers or cars with a broken part that can simply be fixed. This linear way of thinking, while good for many things in society, is NOT the correct prism with which to views relationships and women. If a woman says she's done. You can offer once to fix something. You CAN'T PUSH THE ISSUE. This is just another way of invalidating or ignoring her desires and feelings and telling her she's wrong. How does doing that make her want to stay with you? Guys, you have to learn to just give up and let go. Let her go. Find someone else. A man who is able to build a relationship and maintain it for years, sometimes longer than others, needs to not be so down on himself. She could have just stopped loving you for whatever reason. And that could be another man. And if another man has her heart, IT'S OVER! You CAN'T NEGOTIATE GENUINE ATTRACTION! "If I just do X,Y and Z, she'll get moist for me again." Nope. It's over. Be a man. Stand strong and move on.

[@marguskiis7711]

My ex wife confessed years later that she just hit perimenopause and I become just disgusting for her. So she tried to make our life a hell and filed divorce later, secretly. The disgust lasted ca one year and after that she become friendly with me. But it was too late for me.

[@cgranny3383]

We all must take responsibility for our own actions and realize we have agency over the good/bad choices we make. Blaming others essentially gives them power over your own happiness. I prefer to take that responsibility for myself. After the first breakup/ learning experience I’ve never had a problem leaving a troublesome woman.

[@gregmacklin9758]

Take my advice as a man, dont put too much stock in what people say, Pay attention to their actions. Learn to understan your inner circle , and don't allow scetchy personalities into it.

[@denverDude-yj9kg]

I think you make mini valid points in many valid observations however, I still have one major problem, which is yes she’s not this controlling manipulative person that hasn’t set you up for your whole life, but what if she was what if she was that particular manipulative monster, then how is a man supposed to react?

[@gkauto1959]

Im not going to try and sell you something so I'll just say that there is a way back to you re claiming your life. First and biggest problem is your lack of sleep, that will destroy everything else in your life and I faced the same issues of an ex turning the kids against me as well, many of us reading this have been there. First, look into CBD products, the gummies and drops they sell have some THC in them and were very helpful in getting to sleep despite what I was experiencing. I also threw in melatonin, but I imagine you might have already tried melatonin so just ry some CBD products. If you are a coffee drinker, stay away from that, too much caffeine will fuck with your sleep patterns, go with green tea instead, much better for you! The best way to attack depression is through exercise, forget about therapy, exercise beats it and all you really need do is begin to just fucking walk! Walking is free, and getting outside will clear the air in your head as well. Action, not talking is key. Look into some form of resistance training, its also very good for you and will begin to rebuild your frame, you need to begin to celebrate your life again, give yourself something to look forward to daily, but reserve it as a reward AFTER you've got some goal done. Now for the most important part, and this is crucial: go back in time, to the place you were in your life right before you met your ex, look at that guy, your former unmarried self: who was he? what did he like to do? where did he want to go, associate with, accomplish? Bring him back from your memories into your present day life, ask your 20 yr younger self the big questions and seek the truth about yourself form him! What did he like to do in his spare time? Do that! Once you've re discovered the best parts of your past, and re generate them, now you can go into the future, find new things to do, new people to associate with but only when you remember who you were will you know what you are today. So re establish sleep, get out and walk, lift weights, remember who you were so you can become what you want once you align your past with your future and work forward into liking who you were before so you can love who you are afterward....... Oh, one other thing: Ask Jesus into your heart and release all the anxiety to him, thats the best therapy out there, Love God and so become a loving man again. Once you instill all these changes, and they are not that tough to do, be consistent, everyday with the exercise and better nutrition and sleep habits. Hopefully this will help you as you bring your old self back from your past, its no mystery when you love your history and that great guy you see in the mirror!

[@richmanz447]

1. If she leaves and you are angry but understand it is for the best you’re going to be ok. 2. If she leaves and you are surprised and upset with the decision, you are too dumb to deal with women.

[@Billy-the-Kid]

I knew where this was going. It's always tha man's fault.

[@ajstevens1610]

This video was spot on to the situation I am currently in. I can't believe how accurate it is.

[@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach]

I'm sorry that you're in that situation. I hope this video was helpful. Thank you for watching and commenting. Is there anything that is helping you move through this right now?

[@everett8610]

Narcissists are vindictive and on a different spectrum that this video doesn't cover. Great video btw.

[@Spank-a-Snake4638]

My thoughts exactly. Cluster B personality disordered individuals such as Narcissists (covert in my case), sociopaths, psychopaths, etc are highly deceitful, dishonest, manipulative, vindictive, etc and they seem to take pleasure in the pain they're causing. They love to control, punish and destroy the targeted person's life

[@cosmodoc]

I think you are spot on and my wife probably had similar reasons for divorcing me, but I suspect she will feel even worse after the divorce, especially without having any money!

[@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach]

How are you doing during this whole process? Do you have a good support system for yourself?

[@cosmodoc]

@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach I did very badly when it kicked off, especially because we have a 9 year old and I couldn’t believe that my wife could be so selfish. I had some therapy now and it helped a lot to talk to someone who is a professional outsider

[@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach]

@@cosmodoc that's great news. I'm glad you've done that. It does make a huge difference. It is so hard to get past actions that impact children.

[@croneyr]

So this problem has no solution? Guys can get married and she wants a divorce for no good reason? Great to know it. But how do you prevent the emotional disconnect from happening? Are we even equipped for that?

[@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach]

Awesome question - YES. If you are a human being you have the capacity for two things: 1. Enjoying deep, genuine emotional connection 2. Repairing emotional rifts in relationships The knowledge for this is embedded in our nervous systems, which evolved to coregulate. Have you watched Dr. Christian Conte? He has some great content on this - www.youtube.com/@DrChristianConte The problem is that as a society we've prioritized the logical mind over the emotional brain, ignoring the fact that the logical brain has no neural connections to the limbic system and is thus completely unable to regulate powerful emotions like anxiety and anger. Because of this, when we feel anxiety or anger the brain races along with it, telling us all kinds of stories about why we're upset. We think we're being logical, but really our nervous system is controlling our thoughts, which often leads to blame, fear and arguments in our closest relationships.... all because we don't have any skills for regulating the nervous system. To avoid emotional disconnect or repair an emotional rift with another person requires us to first become conscious of our own emotional landscape. Once you fully understand the interplay between your thoughts, emotions and nervous states (fight/flight/freeze, aka anxiety/anger/depression) you will understand your partner in a new way.

[@gkauto1959]

Im not going to try and sell you something so I'll just say that there is a way back to you re claiming your life. First and biggest problem is your lack of sleep, that will destroy everything else in your life and I faced the same issues of an ex turning the kids against me as well, many of us reading this have been there. First, look into CBD products, the gummies and drops they sell have some THC in them and were very helpful in getting to sleep despite what I was experiencing. I also threw in melatonin, but I imagine you might have already tried melatonin so just ry some CBD products. If you are a coffee drinker, stay away from that, too much caffeine will fuck with your sleep patterns, go with green tea instead, much better for you! The best way to attack depression is through exercise, forget about therapy, exercise beats it and all you really need do is begin to just fucking walk! Walking is free, and getting outside will clear the air in your head as well. Action, not talking is key. Look into some form of resistance training, its also very good for you and will begin to rebuild your frame, you need to begin to celebrate your life again, give yourself something to look forward to daily, but reserve it as a reward AFTER you've got some goal done. Now for the most important part, and this is crucial: go back in time, to the place you were in your life right before you met your ex, look at that guy, your former unmarried self: who was he? what did he like to do? where did he want to go, associate with, accomplish? Bring him back from your memories into your present day life, ask your 20 yr younger self the big questions and seek the truth about yourself form him! What did he like to do in his spare time? Do that! Once you've re discovered the best parts of your past, and re generate them, now you can go into the future, find new things to do, new people to associate with but only when you remember who you were will you know what you are today. So re establish sleep, get out and walk, lift weights, remember who you were so you can become what you want once you align your past with your future and work forward into liking who you were before so you can love who you are afterward....... Oh, one other thing: Ask Jesus into your heart and release all the anxiety to him, thats the best therapy out there, Love God and so become a loving man again. Once you instill all these changes, and they are not that tough to do, be consistent, everyday with the exercise and better nutrition and sleep habits. Hopefully this will help you as you bring your old self back from your past, its no mystery when you love your history and that great guy you see in the mirror!

[@redneck1st555]

After mine left be destitute and homeless I swore that I would never let a woman do that to me again. 15 years later I'm single have money in the bank and I'm no longer homeless. I'm happier now than I was when I was married.

[@taylormartin4346]

You described my situation to a T. I've been going through scenario after scenario in my head for two weeks now and just can't make heads or tails of it. I wish so bad she would have talked to me before making the decision to move out and ask for a divorce. She won't budge from it either.

[@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach]

I'm so sorry you're going through this right now. The suddeness can be so confusing. Unfortunately the reason most women are so stubborn is because they've been trying for awhile and have already grieved the marriage at this point. Often women think they have talked to their husbands about it, many times, in fact. But they aren't communicating in a way that he can hear. There can be a lot of variables at play, much of it thanks to societal conditioning that is so different for men and women and leads us to express and deal with emotions and problems in ways that are often incompatible. How are you doing? Do you have a support system? I'm hosting a free workshop starting this week that is going to teach more tools for dealing with the difficult emotions and making sense of the divorce. It will give you some new perspectives and support in processing this. You can register here: resources.rachaelsloancoaching.com/free-workshop

[@ericament2022]

How do I get in touch schedule counseling