HIGH SCHOOL, TATTOOS, FRIENDSHIPS & MORE- autism q&a

[@RiceBallEnby]

Speaking of people we knew in school, everyone bullied and ignored me because I was "weird." Figuring out I was autistic made me realize that kids bully you for being autistic because they don't realize those are autism traits and even if they knew it still probably wouldn't matter. Kids can be cruel and teenagers are even worse. Also one of my old friends from middle school became an ABA therapist. I'm glad we aren't friends anymore and if she ever tried talking to me again I would give her a piece of my mind.

[@plurpball]

Same (minus the ABA friend)

[@Feminazi1dc]

I think kids are worse lol

[@Eli_the_fiend]

@@Feminazi1dc Yeah, I think kids often speak before thought.

[@The_Shadow_of_Darkness]

I followed you just for the fact you have Blitz in your pfp ( but still yh)

[@wispofthevalley]

Paige's singing is amazing

[@winterburden]

Yes 🙇‍♀️

[@gabrielladelgadocastro]

I know she sings like a angel

[@JakeGuitarMusic]

It is!!

[@thetonytaye]

Y’know I’m not really the biggest fan of telling people what content I want to see from them (it always kind of feels a bit self-indulgent to me) but since you’re open to suggestions, I certainly wouldn’t mind seeing another fan mail video, since the first one was a delightful watch. Plus since you haven’t been feeling the best lately, I feel like seeing the nice things people send you might make you feel a little better.

[@beepityboop7325]

yeah and q and a's r very chill and fun and we get to learn if u just Happen to infodump abt something, it that makes it easier for u!! love u paige, thank u for the videos :>

[@AlexaJuncajArt]

"If you're not a romantic partner, don't touch me!" SAMEEEE

[@pandaroo_cam]

I f-ing hate school too. It sucks. I also often don't want to be here either. but you help me so much and make me feel less alone. thank you

[@nl3087]

I hate it getting sooo loud

[@Feminazi1dc]

I miss school now that it's gone tho. Seriously depressing nostalgia. But I have no friends too so that doesn't help

[@amygabbani1095]

(before i forget: your singing voice is so beautiful) i started crying when you were talking about ur highschool experience because i had the same. I'm going through the autism diagnosis process now and i couldn't really explain the psycologist why I've always felt left out in school, cause words are hard. listening to you helped me a lot, for both understanding better my thoughts and experiences, and also to realise that there was nothing wrong with me. tysm

[@alliemarch9401]

"Rather you believe it or not, I don't care" that is my new life moto Edit: I felt your pain about highschool on such a deep level and I still experience the same thing now in university even when people do know I'm autistic, they just don't care. 😔 Those people from your highschool missed out an amazing person!

[@TonyBurgess1969]

High School is a hard time for anyone who doesn't fit a mold. I have a learning disability and I can identify with you.

[@gabrielladelgadocastro]

Me too

[@NFSMAN50]

Facts, I did too.

[@faeriesmak]

School was not a great place to be.

[@gabrielladelgadocastro]

@@faeriesmak I know its hell!

[@Notme811_you]

Yeah. The girls wanted to force me to fit a mold. 🖕🏼

[@watchingthebees]

I’m autistic too and I love marijuana, but I really don’t like using it near other people, even with close friends that I trust. I always feel like I’m being weird and will embarrass myself horribly to the point of losing my friends (my friends are the best and that’s not really a rational thought, they would be understanding but when I use weed I get into this headspace) and I get so anxious in so many ways that I have bad trips, it’s awful. But when I’m alone, it’s just the best thing in the world! I honestly think that using weed on my own on a regular basis could help me heal my PTSD

[@usfilms8828]

I appreciate that you are honest about your mental health. I think that’s so much more important than “being strong” we’ve been forced to do that for too long and we shouldn’t have to struggle in silence so I appreciate your example. Sometimes I feel like I’ve done all the autism research I can but I always learn from you!

[@abbyzinger]

I had SUCH similar experiences with high school then and now (I'm 10 years out from high school now). I resonate with so many of your experiences, Paige! I appreciate your content so much. So validating.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

“You’re pretty. You’re smart. You’re fine.” This has been my life!

[@MrGhostTube]

I'm a 59 year old man seeking the will to seek a diagnosis but not really feeling the need for myself. I just want to say thank you for your fantastic videos. They've really helped me unpack some old shite and to try to reach out to the people around me. ❤️🙏

[@atinyevil1383]

On the point about being conventionally attractive and neurodivergent: when I became an adult and started dating, I had a lot of people tell me I was so pretty and that they’d love to know me better or go out with me (mostly on dating apps). I would be like “okay, but you have to understand that I have serious issues and if you can’t take the time to understand that and just try to date me based on being pretty, this will not go well for either of us.” No one took that warning seriously, they just thought I was being quirky and said I seemed “fine” or “normal”...over text. So when they would actually meet me and I would be awkward or make coping jokes or did things that are strange to a neurotypical person, they would not like that and sometimes never even talk to me again after that.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

You hit so many points here. My teachers told me a lot that we didn’t need to know the things I asked questions about. But what they were teaching didn’t make sense to me without knowing the broader context.

[@atticacouch]

I just got diagnosed yesterday and I just wanted to say thank you! Thank you so much for putting your story out there because I don’t know if I would have any clue about autism if I hadn’t found your videos. Obviously a diagnosis isn’t a cure but at least I know what’s going on with me now.

[@courtnrysalamone7677]

Congrats on getting your diagnosis, it makes it a lot easier to find accomodations and easier to understand yourself and others. I got diagnosed at 4 years old but no one in my family bothered to learn about it or tell me till 6th grade. Even then they told me it just means im stupid and i overreact to everything. I was embarrassed to tell people about it and didnt start learning about it until 4 years ago tops. Now I'm able to educate others about it and i feel a lot less alone and a lot less like a failure. As dumb as it is having a label and being able to explain said label to nuerotypicals can really feel freeing and can help when it comes time for schooling or getting a job. Ive been denied jobs because i told the recruiter about it in the interview so now I wait till I'm hired to tell them or explain what it is briefly so they understand I'm very capable of doing my job with reasonable accommodation (like wearing a shirt under my uniform for example) lol

[@rubberkiwi1]

Just wanted to say i appreciate you, your channel, your openness, and how less alone i feel when you talk. Thank you for existing.

[@forest_nymph24]

I'd be curious to hear how you experienced growing up in the theatre community as an autisitc person, like you talk about the ableism you experienced from classmates in high school, was the theatre a safe place during that time or were things bad there too?

[@hannahmaco]

I so relate to being nice to everyone and they go out of their way to be mean or rude to me and it was horrible in high school

[@NFSMAN50]

Same lol. I was a genuine nice guy who wanted the best for everyone, but some people were toxic and mean too.

[@courtnrysalamone7677]

Yeah id go out of my way to be nice to people cause why would i ne mean for no reason and make people feel bad? Id go and even pass out gifts for every occasion but people were so mean about it like being nice is a bad thing. I got called a creep a lot and made fun of for the things i couldnt do based on disabilities. Now im just reasonably pleasant and basically ignore people. The older you get the more people seem to be mean to you the nicer you are. Like as a kid handing out candycanes to other kids for christmas i was the candy guy, and giving candy to adults as a kid i was sweet but now im a creep which upsets me. I loved making people smile and now i feel stupid for trying so hard when people just think I'm a creep. Now im afraid even taking part in normal interactions (like at the store for example) that im a giant inconvenience and everyone hates me

[@plantman4444]

Your singing I find so soothing, and just watching you stim, and be yourself is quite validating for me. I’ve learned the most hearing you speak of what you struggle with, in that I’m not the only one. It’s quite nice to be around someone who is like myself, so any content is good for me personally but I’d always love to hear you sing more, touches me quite deeply.

[@twelvehundredmiles5330]

I love your videos. You have taught me so much about autism, and I feel like you’ve helped me to better understand and support my autistic daughter who was diagnosed just a few months ago. Thank you for all you do! And please, please, please always keep fighting. Please don’t give in to your depressed feelings and desires. The world is a better place because you’re in it.

[@jombii-7090]

Im am so thankful that i quickly found my own group of friends when i moved, and now that we're getting older we're all starting to figure out that we've been autistic as fuck since the beginning Even when i tried to integrate myself into other groups with similar interests i still felt out of place, and gravitated towards the same group of people and we've been a close group for almost a decade now

[@tomdg13]

The fact that you talk "a lot a lot" is one of the (many) things that makes you and your videos so awesome. Please keep doing it.

[@marygracezavorski3568]

When you opened up about high school and how people treated you I just started bawling my eyes out because I fucking get it. Like I went through the exact same shit and ur right it is heart breaking to think "if they only knew I had autism if I only knew I had autism maybe I wouldn't have been treated this way. Maybe people would have shown more compassion" and now as a 20 year old diagnosed at 18 I dont like when people dont know about it. But then it also makes me feel like the only reason I want people to know is so they dont hurt me. I love who I am I've accepted and come to love being autistic because it's made me realize I'm unique and I'm not a freak and I'm not this weirdo basket case everyone made me feel like in school. I related to what you were saying so heavily and I wanna send my love to you because i understand

[@JenFarrer]

Good for you for standing your ground & saying high school bullies can still go F off 🥳 They should have been kind from the start.

[@katkasey9365]

You are amazing and helping me feel like I'm not alone with my struggles. Life is hard. Very hard and it's becoming harder to continue to mentally cope with it. Thank you for your positivity and bright personality 😁

[@historicalfangirl64]

I worked at a summer camp last year, and after the first week I started introducing myself as autistic as part of the rules talk. It really helped to lay out some ground work for things I was sensitive to, things I might remind them to do/not do throughout the week (ex: don't crowd around me, try not to interrupt or finish my sentences for me). All I really needed to say was that my brain works a little differently, and I'm more sensitive to the world around me than other people may be. "I know this is a big word, but this is what you need to know, etc etc." The kids were ages 8-15, and while I could definitely have *deeper* conversations with the teens, the younger kids were so full of questions and anecdotes about a friend or a cousin or a sibling that was also autistic. Not to mention there were a lot of kids who were neurodivergent themselves, and we would chat about our experiences together. It was something really uplifting and unexpected I got out of that job, even if it did dig up some old pains from growing up undiagnosed.

[@pavilion3064]

I really appreciate these longer answers. It's my vibe and also totally how I answer questions too.

[@absies34]

I totally identify with so much of what you say. Every day of my life I’ve want to not be here. Every single day. But there’s also that part of me that wants to try and figure it all out. You make me feel less alone. Thank you. I really really wish that I could surround us all with a bright happy bubble so that things could be better. I wish I could do it for all people who go through feeling alone and shitty from trauma. But I can’t. All I can do is reach out and say I see you. I hear you. I empathize. I’m a fan of your channel and will support your work always.

[@allysalawson6737]

Had to pause the video just so I can freak out over the kitty 😂 I couldn’t focus on what you were saying after so here I am spazzing over the kitty 😂🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥰

[@dagnylentz4851]

I personally really like these question videos, it allows me to learn the basics of a lot of things about being autistic, and then if I'm interested or do not understand it I can do more research by myself.

[@gracepelle6598]

Hello love! I am not autistic, BUT I have been following you and watching all of your videos for a quite a while because I want to educate myself more about autism and how others perceive it. You are TRULY an inspiration, and even when you think that you are not managing well, it could help to remind yourself how many people you are helping. Some times knowing you are helping others can help yourself in the tiniest way. It will get better

[@courtnrysalamone7677]

On behalf of the autistic community i thank you for going out of your way to educate yourself on a topic most people dont bother to educate themselves on. We need more people like you who try and understand others instead of hating people who are different in the world

[@lunar.eclipse]

God I feel the “I’m here but I don’t want to be and don’t know what I’m doing” kind of thing. I’m not autistic but I am neurodivergent and I feel like my brain stuff wouldn’t be so hard if we didn’t live under capitalism. I feel like there’s so much that would be so much easier if we could actually take more time to take care of ourselves and get the accommodations we need without it being such a process. I hate asking for help and being given paperwork. Like no I need HELP not more shit to do to get the bare minimum.

[@Liz_Dave]

I love how open and honest you are with each other. Thank you for sharing with us what's it's really like.

[@Amanda-CNH]

"JUST BE NICE TO PEOPLE!" Exactly!

[@rosecaron9905]

I know you said you don't like being here but I'm really glad you are here. You make this world a better place and a more accepting place for people like us. Thank you.

[@linden5165]

So with you on the high school rant, I feel the same, hard, and my high school years were longer ago. 💛💛💛 I'm managing myself pretty well these days and mostly feeling good (after years of not) - I live the life that is right for me and I ignore all social norms, expectations etc; I listen to what I need and I meet my needs; I only have good, loving supportive people in my life; I don't work outside the home; I have had a lot of therapy; I have done a lot of trauma integration; and I still struggle sometimes and some things are still very challenging.

[@909clouds]

Sorry life is hard or not great for you a lot of time. I’m glad you’re being open about your experience and hope this helps bring more acceptance and accommodations for everyone who needs it.

[@drevildruid]

Recently I went back to a former job and I ran into my former supervisor. When I mentioned that I had gotten a diagnosis of Autism in 2018 (I had worked at this particular job in 2017) she mentioned that after I was fired she thought about our interactions and realized that I might be on the Spectrum. She apologized for how I was treated by her and my employer and admitted that I had been treated horribly. I mention this because what you said about people mistreating you for doing Autistic things resonated so much. I still have even close friends make remarks every now and again and I have to self advocate and let them know that what they said it not okay and they need to apologize immediately and not do it again.

[@Huggerdayley]

I relate so much to literally almost everything u said 🤦‍♀️ feels good to hear someone with similar experience and thoughts. 25 and still get trigggered by high school memories and such. thank u for these videos. And the you’re pretty thing and people expecting things and feeling like a disappointment or almost worse after + the detachment . Super struggling as an adult rn but so nice to hear from u. Thank you for sharing, You’re amazing!

[@PIPFinalFilmProject]

Thank you for sharing your experiences, Paige! Your channel has really helped me learn how to better express my love and care for my sister, who is just coming to understand her own diagnosis at the age of 19. It means a lot to me, knowing that there's a kind-hearted soul trying to make the world better for others like my sister. :) (Also, random, but I'm an ENFP in Myers-Briggs, and some of those theories say that your "shadow self," or the self that you present as under the most stress and difficult circumstances, is the opposite of what you actually are! So for me, I act like an ISTJ when under duress. That may have been why you scored ENFP and now score ISTJ, being older, more familiar with yourself, and out of the stressful setting of high school.) Anyway, have a great day, and thanks again for an interesting, informative video!

[@pauladanaheortegamartindel5244]

I masked so much on high school that i didn't knew who I was when it ended. I felt so touched with this ):

[@stitchlightly5995]

I appreciate the rant about being pretty on so many levels. "People see me and they expect something that is not true and then they leave, and I'm alone." Pretty much sums up my life.

[@HurricaneDDragon]

I’m so sorry for how your classmate treated you in high school, and I’m sending you endless virtual hugs and love 💕

[@feathers13]

I am a INTJ-A! That's been consistent throughout the first time I took the test, which was a few years ago, but even though I masked a lot more, I think it's because when I took those kinds of tests, I felt like I was discovering myself rather than being judged, and it made me very happy and comfortable.

[@brendaamaynee]

I enjoy watching your videos. As a mother to an autistic, I want to be understanding of what he might be facing and just get a better vision of what I can do to accommodate him. I appreciate you making these videos.

[@kjdaniels3267]

I’m autistic as well. And I feel you very much on being bullied and experiencing trauma in high school. The bullying I experienced definitely left a big mark and lead to underlying shame of being autistic. I actually was diagnosed at a very young age but didn’t come to fully accept my autism until last year. High School can be a very cruel time for a lot of people especially those w disabilities or who don’t fit the “norm”.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

I’m an ISTJ too! And I tested completely differently in high school. I remember asking the people around me on the bus how they thought I should answer the question. MASKINGGGGGG

[@mo.mentomori]

your videos give me so much strength, so much hope. i feel less alone when hearing you put things into words i never knew how to say.. thank you.

[@user-tf2rx5kn8l]

I'm in the process of getting accomodations for the last two years of high school too and I feel you so much about the guilt that comes with it. I have the same issue with raising my hand too much (when I'm not utterly burnt out) during classes, mostly because asking more questions helps me stay invested and first and foremost because polysemy has always been a struggle for me.

[@DavidSmith-vz9uu]

I really enjoy watching your videos, I feel company from watching you talk about autism and other topics and can relate to school, I can feel your pain, I wouldn't go back to school for anything, I'm 33 and live with my mom, it's videos like this that keep me going, I feel loneliness often being chronically unemployed since I lost my job at Walmart in 2018 from a meltdown over a breakup after working their for 10 years, I rarely talked to co workers when I was their, Walmart really did damaging effects to me, your videos really give me comfort. I wish I knew you in person. ❤

[@GeinsArtAndCraftSupplies]

Going off on high school assholes is 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽🙌🏽 Yes! Take that fake apology and fuck off! People say "it's okay to not be okay" but I feel like a lot of people don't actually abide by that. When "not okay" isn't just spending more time alone and looking for a therapist. When it's ugly, and painful, and so, so, terrible. The solace you have is saying you're trying, you're trying to work with the little pieces you have, you try to hold out that you'll get better someday. Keep holding out, friend ❤️

[@hyperfocus1963]

19:58 Yes, I love playing guitar more than other instruments (like piano or violin) for this reason! It's so fun! And I can do rhythm on it without having to sit still like I would for a drum set, too.

[@JaeArt3]

Paige i can literally listen to you talk for hours and not realize how long you have been talking for. If i could respond to everything that i wanted, I would never really finish talking. But one thing that set with me through the whole video the most was you talking about your school experience and the mean kids that apologized. The way you see thing in that way are almost a carbon copy of how i see that and for someone to be able to word it in that way for others to understand seriously helps me and gives me hope. When i am upset or frustrated, i either lash out and lose it or I completely shut down. Neither of which help. I get so angry that i stammer and stumble over words which makes me angrier and when i try to explain why i feel the way i do, people look at me like i am stupid or misunderstood/misinterpret what i am saying. I take people literally in most cases so I expect people to hear my words and respond in the same way but for some reason it feels like they are “reading between the lines” and just gathering what they want from what i said. I know you feel so crappy and not good and i really hope that is one thing that can be helped and made better. Im not sure if depression is something that will ever go away- i wish it was but i also struggle with not wanting to be here. The only thing that really keeps me here is watching how my mom reacted to my brother dying and i never want her to feel that because of me… so i just sit here and pretend like i am fine for her. But i am not okay. I just really hope that you can find that one thing that can start your journey to some deep healing and that it will make your growth worth while. I think depression might always be a thing but at least i hope that you get to a point where you feel what you are feeling less often.

[@maria-lu3mz]

your singing is amazing paige!!

[@earlchapman37]

Intj high school to Infj aged man. 16 years old vs. 38 years old. Totally recommend Kush variant. It slows the adhd enough to manage more easily and it seems to let limits and tolerances be less stressful. You matter and your concerns are valid. Trying is progress too. We're all in this together, we're all just walking each other home. You are loved.

[@scottiemomma2314]

I love what you said about high school. People likely apologize to salvage themselves, and not to actually make you feel better. The fact remains that they still made fun of someone with a disability…good luck to those who have done so. They need to sit with the discomfort of knowing their own cruelty. People used to say very rude things to me…I consider it water under the bridge now, but won’t forget the lengths they’ll go to to score points with their friends. Integrity is lost on them.

[@AliceOKaye]

I resonate with some things you said and I want you to know your bravery is truly making a difference. You have been an example that has allowed me to explore myself and feel confident in myself. Thank you for continuing to try💛

[@el_2904]

Hey Paige, sorry to hear you’re struggling 😢 I just want to say thank you for being so honest about how hard life can be with autism, adhd and mental health issues because I’m really struggling too with how to function and be happy in life. Although I wish you were happy, it is nice to see someone be honest about these things because I often feel as though we’re expected to just deal with all these things even though this world is shitty to us! Take care of yourself ❤️❤️🌈

[@alexrose20]

I would gladly watch a video with just Paige singing

[@Razmatini]

1) the bit about people needing a diagnosis to start treating you right... PREACH!! i suspect i might be autistic, but i'm not really sure. but whether i am or not shouldn't matter, because whether or not it's caused by being autistic, there are certain things i need and ways i need to do things, and that should be respected, period. 2) please tell us more about your tattooed eyebrows! where'd you go? how long do they last? what was recovery like?

[@heedmydemands]

I'm so sorry that you are/were having a hard time with wanting to be here. I really wish I knew what to say. I've felt it too when I was a teenager and young adult and then I thought maybe I grew out of it, didn't like the idea of it being that simple, but then it reoccurred that I felt so intensely negative again in my 30's. I understand (maybe). That's one thing I found kind of comforting when I explained that I felt like the light in me was out and somebody said they understood and I believed her, I know she'd be straight with me. You seem like such a smart and wonderful person and I can see how much you care about others, you are awesome. Lots of love

[@lynnbilbrey8823]

An app that I love so much is FOREST it’s in the App Store. You just set a timer and can label the task that you’re doing like studying, cleaning and you will get a cute tree planted in your forest once completed. What I really like is that it has options like “if you access your phone before the timer goes off, your tree will whither. Or if I know I wanna use my phone to look things up during a class project, then I choose the option for it not to whither and I’ll still get my tree. The more time you spend accumulating trees, the more coins you get and you can buy really cute trees and flowers

[@robynfromcanada]

The Q&A videos are fantastic! I too wish I had resources like you when I was a teen at school. 🤗 My mental health got worse and worse from age 12 so I was unhealthy and at risk of self-harm. Anxiety became my default state. It's not at all the same as living with depression and thoughts about un-aliving yourself, so I am not comparing. But I wanted to say something anyway, for everyone else here who is struggling.💜 Some of us as autistic people will find our means of survival at age 20, and some will find it later. A great, fulfilling life! We get there by struggling and getting help now. 💚💚💚 In my thirties, I have finally found myself with a job that appreciates my abilities, a home that is sensory-friendly, and a therapist that holds me up by a thread when I am in crisis. Vocabulary I learned from the #actuallyautistic community (including you, Paige!) is part of the help that I need to advocate and thrive. I pray you receive the help you need to struggle through this hurtle to the better part! 🙏 Wishing you joy. 💙 - Robyn

[@3X0T1CTheSphealEnjoyer]

I've had a diagnosis since 2004. I was 2 years old at the time. I never really had emotion, I never even made communication, unless it was sign language. I mastered ASL when I was 3, hence why I gesticulate when I talk, and I spoke my first word at 4 in preschool, I heard that my teacher was stoked when she heard me. I was playing with a little Thomas the tank engine toy. Despite speech therapies I had as a kid, I occasionally forget social norms and cues, which stuck me out with the crowd. I wasn't always the most appropriate person when I talked back in high school, I said some crude ass stuff back then, and I've been wanting to take it all back. At least I changed as a person in the future, and I have grown. I still have problems communicating, like plans and organizing appointments, but at least I can express myself and follow rules and norms so I wouldn't get punched or thrown to jail. I've done some bad things when I tried to appropriately communicate, as I didn't know it was wrong to approach others the ways I did, both online and physical. I am still concerned to this day of what others have thought of me, but it was all reasonable. Aside from my terrible sense of communication, I had the same experiences as you back in high school, I reserved myself all of high school. People there were obnoxious compared to what I was expecting, like, they were acting like when I was in 3rd. I blended in back in 8th grade and didn't grow up from it until the 2nd half of high school, and I guess that was what made me who I was. And speech services from my elementary school actually harmed my skills and my "grades". The only reason my school districts quit putting me in speech classes is because they hindered my performance. And the burnout sucked. I never really burned out as of yet, but as I began college, I found that doing algebraic strategies and methods in calculus and precalc became less doable. I don't find a problem with college whatsoever, but I still find myself out of it with anyone that isn't in a class, since the average size was like 20, small college, small classes. One of my classes last semester started with just 10 people, ended with 6. The college I went to made me feel less overwhelmed, and I am pretty relaxed to what I have at the moment. Life isn't so bad for me at the moment, I never needed a long-term relationship and I learned how to be content with what I have and the chances I may most likely have something in the future, the future is an unpredictable force. My programming class is probably my hardest, if the class examples aren't the same format or strategies as the homework, I wouldn't he able to do the homework without having someone help me. I still can't find the concept of figuring things out for myself, idk if I am able to. I shouldn't overthink it, but I don't know why people say it isnt hard, because it is to me. We have our differences and challenges in life, but we must accept that some challenges may not be feasible for all of us, but we can always give it a shot to see if we can, maybe things can change, maybe we can find a totally different form of thinking than what the majority has, but how we think of those things may not be as understandable to others than it is for those with neurodivergence. There are multiple ways to solve problems, but we need the wings to be creative with how to combat our problems, conceptualize the solutions, put them to a prototype, and find newer ideas along the way based on errors and past experiences. Although it doesn't change the past, but events from the past lead to solutions in the future, more ideas, and new ways to learn. I've fucked up quite a few times, but it doesn't mean it's always not gonna be good to use our experiences to turn into good lessons and virtues. Life is all about building character, and the more we realize that the events in life and what we have done in it defines our character. We don't need the same, cold-hearted, cynical mindsets that our figures of authority worship and inject onto us, we need more diversity in our character, acceptance. I went into engineering because I feel like my innovative and curious mind can solve problems better. I'm not always good at math and science, but if it means being subjected into it every day, I can grow. We all must grow from our weaknesses, that is how we build character.

[@Ruby-jb6en]

17:51 thank you for talking about accommodation guilt because not a lot of people talk about it. I have adhd and ocd and needed extra time on my tests but that wasn’t really a thing in the school system I was in for elementary and middle school so I would stay in during lunches to finish and faced a lot of judgement from both teachers and classmates. Then I switched to a different school system in high school and my English/home room teacher noticed me struggling and recommended I set up a meeting with the student success specialist. From that meeting I got extra time, a quiet place to write, breaks during tests for when my brain got frazzled/short circuited and the ability to write essays with a computer instead of by hand. And at first I felt so guilty about all of this and thought everyone would judge me, but then I saw that a lot of people at that school had accommodations and they were actually quite a normal thing there. It took a bit to get used to and for me to realize that I wasn’t weak for needing accommodations, but they helped me so much and I’m so grateful to that school, my teacher and the student success specialist for what they did for me. To anyone reading this who also deals with accommodation guilt, please remember accommodations DO NOT give you an advantage over other students, they put you on a LEVEL PLAYING FIELD. 💕

[@joshkresnik6402]

I had such a visceral reaction listening to you talk about your experiences with interacting with people in high school, and I completely feel your pain, because I went through the same exact thing, but one of the people who I received that kind of treatment the most was my stepdad at the time, luckily my mom divorced him, but he would call me retarded a lot when I was younger especially when he was angry at me and it really broke me down to such a deep level that I lost a part of my identity because I was forced to, I guess mask my autism around him because of the constant judgment and weird faces he would give me when I acted a certain way and how much gossiping he would do around his family and it really broke my heart especially worse given the fact that I didn’t even know that my heart was broken I didn’t know that I was sad a different portion of me was mute from a lot of those things or my autism would kick in when I wanted to say something and I couldn’t, I was physically incapable of doing or saying something around him or certain people, and it broke me as a child. I’m 31 now and still trying my hardest to recover from a almost 15 years of that treatment and considering it started when I was 9 I think it really did a number on me, so I completely feel your pain and I understand your anger towards those people but from one damaged person to another I hope you’ll find the courage in the ability to forgive those people not because of them but so that you can move on. I had to do what was right for myself and in order to move on but it was not for them they don’t even know that they’re forgiven. I haven’t talked to any of them in years I forgive them for myself so that I can move on and that’s the only way that you can really move on past that type of stuff or at least it’s one step

[@Jyval]

Thank you for the video! The way you feel about your attractiveness is completely understandable and I don't want to be invalidating or tell you how you should think but I'd just like to say that beauty is a lot more than just genetics. You take care of your skin, your teeth, your body, your hair, you clearly think about what you wear and you use make up really well. Not only are these all things that take a lot of money and time to keep up but they are also skills that you've had to spend a lot of time and frustration to learn to do so well. Also as someone who goes through depressive episodes and has adhd i know that they can take a lot of effort to do sometimes. I like to think of beauty as a form of art, sure you might have been genetically blessed to have a real nice piece of canvas to work with, but the beautiful piece of expressive art that you, the artist, is bringing to the world.. is all your doing.

[@sarahgreen2295]

I do have one piece of advice, and I do hope it will make your life better. You don’t forgive people for their sake or because they deserve it. You forgive people who have hurt you for your sake. Poison only hurts the vessel that carries it and bitterness is poison. Not saying you are bitter but holding on to hurt will make you hurt more. You are a survivor, not a victim. I hope that will help. I really like your videos and I do hope you keep going with the KZbin thing! ❤️

[@superbloom_3]

Hey Paige! Just wanted to pop in and say every time you upload it makes my day! Love you so much ♡

[@nicolebezeau1174]

Hey Paige! I'm a 27 year old (living in Ontario, so we kind of neighbours, lol) autistic. A lot of what you talked about in your past life and what you're currently dealing with, I completely relate to. I do not keep in contact w people from high school, because a) I was (still am) introverted b) also masking a lot, because when I got diagnosed at 14, really struggled accepting it (still do tbh). I do not have a job rn because long story short left one job thinking I was getting a really good deal at another one and got completely screwed over. Should be searching rn but I'm kind of dissociating rn (been on KZbin and FB most of today). I hope you, myself and all of our fellow autistics out there find some sort of decency of life, but its tough as hell

[@austinhowley3907]

Your response to the high school people omg that’s what’s up 👍🏼

[@KelliDBH]

I wish things were easier for you. I wish you were happy. I’m grateful for your insight, knowledge and help. I think a video touching on that whole accommodation list you made would be so helpful for students and teachers and parents and councillors -well-for everyone. ❤️

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Me too!! 💓

[@gabrielladelgadocastro]

Continue to spread the love Paige! #SpreadtheLove

[@Emlyn1133]

I can totally relate with you about guitar, I've done it for a couple years now and I prefer the style of finger picking, because one it sound really cool imo, and two its a super fun stim for me bc I can feel the strings and the difference in texture between the thicker coiled strings and the thin smooth strings, its super fun and I end up playing for sometimes hours on end lol. I also play the saxophone, and omg hearing the padding stick and unstick when you press on the buttons is really nice too.

[@lexiexclusive6135]

I just started learning guitar and am going to try this! Played clarinet in middle and high school and can relate as well. Thanks for sharing this! 😊

[@Emlyn1133]

@Lexi Exclusive Absolutely!

[@siobhan_bradleyxoxo]

Your Voice makes me smile and your singing voice is *Chefs Kiss* also I love your videos

[@Sparkling34]

18:27 that would be so useful for me! I pace so much and It helps me so much. I hate it when I'm pacing and people like ask me if I'm okay or tells me to stop

[@loekecaviet]

Just wanna say that this video once again made me understand myself a bit better. I relate, so much. Thankyou Paige. I hope you can find something that can help you. It is hard to exist in this big world. 🖤

[@DarrellGrainger]

Been scrolling through autistic creator's videos. KZbin suggested this one. Really glad it did. I can relate to a lot of the things you said. I don't know anyone from high school. Never kept in touch with any of them. They ranged from horrible to me to indifferent. I'm 57 now. I found out I'm autistic only recently. I didn't know what it was until I was diagnosed. I don't think I can relate to all the things you have been diagnosed with. Autism, clinical depression and cPTSD. Been diagnosed with the first two and looking to find a therapist for the cPTSD. You seem very aware. I'm just learning this stuff. Knowing is half the battle. I wish you luck on your journey. I subscribed to your channel and I look forward to watching more. Thank you.

[@erinmarie6736]

I have so much love and appreciation for you, you have opened my eyes to so much.

[@kaydaraine]

I never realized how amazing of a singer you are! Wow!

[@ryn2844]

Same for my middle/high school people. I'm glad I never have to see any of you ever again. Eff you for picking on the kid who literally wasn't able to talk back.

[@cerise_music]

off topic but abcdefu has been playing like crazy in my head for the past few days loll what a coincidence

[@jenna4678]

I hope you find peace, Paige. I’m so sorry for how much you struggle

[@stephaniemiranda6113]

I absolutely love your videos. As an autistic I can really relate. My story is actually pretty sad, but I’m learning SO much about autism and myself from your videos and how knowledgeable you are. I want to get back into filming KZbin videos and you always give me to courage to do so ❤️

[@danygcf]

I relate way too much to the high school experience. Some of my best friends turned on me (it landed me in a psychiatric clinic for a month) and the school tried to get me expelled because me having panic attacks was bad for their reputation (they only stopped after we threatened to sue them for discrimination, but they wouldn't accommodate my needs even with my psychiatrist diagnosis). The only good thing that happened there was finding my wonderful girlfriend who actually helped me feel normal (she has adhd so we understand each other pretty well).

[@SDS-ee9js]

I relate to you so much about the high school thing it was literally hell for me. I haven’t been diagnosed with Autism but I do have ADHD and a learning disability and have always struggled a lot socially.

[@angelnetworks]

you should make a video on the highschool acommodations you get i think a lot of us au ppl (specially audhd) have a blank brain when asked about our acommodations because since we never get asked that we never even asked ourslves and kept a record of our needs so we only remember when were needing them?? so i think it may work as a guide/reminder/inspiration to know what acommodations to ask for at school and stuff!! the being given minutes after the class to ask questions thing is neat :))) i never thought of it

[@toni5543]

Thank you Paige. Thank you for teaching me more about autism so I can understand my friend more. I also relate to your content. Im waiting to be assessed for Tourettes, ADHD and OCD. I've struggled alot through life. I'm also something like what most seem consider 'traditionally pretty'. And I agree I feel like it's a curse at times because people just don't SEE us struggling. They see what they want to see in us instead.

[@kingdomofmochi]

I'm so glad I found your channel! You're great. Looking forward to this Friday!

[@tonyaboggs5367]

My son is 22 years old and got diagnosed with autism when he was five years old. He is amazing truly amazing. And I can tell you are amazing I'm so happy I found your channel yeah he's not a female but I'm still learning so much from you thank you

[@alicenicoleoueijan2316]

Yessss let us know how the weed goes :) when I started using it, my whole life changed, and I have ADHD/Autism as well. My favorite strain is Jack Herer which is a sativa and Sour Diesel is an "avoid at all costs" strain for me. Thank you for all your videos, you helped me get diagnosed in my 30s and things finally make sense

[@maliaecho]

I absolutely love your outlook on things. All the time during your videos im always like yes i relate i relate so so much. Also your voice is so calming to hear btw

[@johanisthestig]

Also want to say thank you so much. Youre doing great and you've helped me a ton with questions I've always wanted to know the answers to about my own autism. I really appreciate your bravery on making your videos and being yourself, I know first hand how hard it is and it is very inspiring what you do.

[@terriem3922]

Your voice is so pretty and expressive when you sing.

[@corafishy]

YESSSSSSSSS to the high school rant I 100000000000% AGREE. Been thinking about whether I tell my previous supervisor in uni that I had un-diagnosed autism during all the times she was mean but honestly fuuuuuuuuck that because if she reacted by apologizing I would lose it. LOVE YOU.

[@jaimereynolds3914]

she is such a good singer

[@faithatkinson430]

Paige, I feel like we'd be very good friends. We're both from Ontario... I'm a Sagittarius... We're around the same age... Both autistic... Also, thank you for helping discover that I am autistic. I think you're great :)

[@TinyGhosty]

Having ongoing issues with eating as a symptom of other conditions and disorders is rough. It is even worse without support from others, or limited support/their confusion at why you can never "stay healthy." I cannot change how I experience hunger and how limited my food options are to my picky brain. I am sorry you deal with disordered eating (and other viewers who do.) May we all find better ways to manage in the future and gain the support we need.

[@No-lk5by]

As a neurodivergent person using The Weeds™ as well I would love a cannabis related storytime/video! I hope your journey with it provides relief. ❤️

[@slayerbot36]

could you describe what you feel. when i smoke its like a whole different person who notices new things and hears more emotions when people speak