Homemaker =/= Tradwife (Hausfrau Friday)

[@hausfraudhomestead]

I've wanted to be a homemaker since I was four years old and Martha Stewart was my special interest. I didn't have the language for it at the time and felt like I had to be a married mother to make that happen. When I realized I didn't want to be a mother, I took on the "witch" archetype to justify wanting to be home and craft things all the time. Your channel was one of the first places I learned that I could be a homemaker without kids or religion, and with a goal of sustainability and alignment with nature. While I still take issue with some facets of third wave feminism, I agree that capitalism and especially the way it transformed the homemaker into consumer in chief robbed us of our value. I love seeing among my viewers how many people want to come home to heal their households from hustle culture and revive the domestic arts. There's so much value waiting to be tapped.

[@lexidarling]

I'm overjoyed to discover your channel! I'm an irreligious queer feminist without kids, and I am also a homemaker. It makes me feel extremely out of place when the biggest representatives online for homemakers are right wing anti-feminists. It's affected my life IRL, these days I can't help but hesitate a bit when I introduce myself to someone and tell them what I do. As I tend to run in queer, feminist left wing circles I feel like I have to include a disclaimer that even though I'm married to a man and take care of the house and also enjoy wearing vintage style dresses and a lot of "traditionally feminine" stuff, I'm not conservative, religious or "trad". It often feels like I have to be almost apologetic for having made the choice to pursue my genuine passions of the domestic arts and running our home. So it's so wonderful to discover others who are like me amidst the massive amount of tradwives that get boosted by the algorithm whenever one searches for homemaking content. Thank you for being a voice for our kind of homemaker!

[@chezhelene2409]

I'm in my early 60s with 2 teenagers at home and no husband. I left my corporate job to work from home and be there for my kids. I'm developing a permaculture garden, raise chickens, teach myself food preservation skills, have a side hustle. I'm happy surrounded with flowers and engaged in my community. I consider myself a homemaker.

[@naorivas]

So happy I found this channel! Looking for all the homemaking resources that are the complete antithesis of tradwife culture.

[@oliverg6864]

Lmao, the term "tradwifery" almost had me choking on my water. I'm a homemaker and not even a woman! I kind of became a homemaker by accident at first because I'm also disabled and doing work at home was more accessible for me. But also I've come to believe that care tasks are so important and undervalued in our society! Even in occupations that get paid, care workers like child care, nurses, cleaners, cooks, etc, are chronically underpaid and undervalued. I really enjoy your housefrau Friday videos, I think they complement the permaculture videos :) and honestly I'd watch more housefrau stuff if you posted it!

[@LCamp-cr7fs]

At 72 I can’t remember not being a feminist. Feminism was about having a choice and giving value to the work of a housewife. Many my age heard the phrases „my wife spends all my money“ when she was only paying the bills or „my wife doesn’t have to work“ show the social and economic standing of women.

[@MattieAMiller]

I was once told by an older feminist that the only reason a woman would want any traditionally feminine job or role was because of they were brainwashed by the patriarchy. I told her that valuing 'feminine' attributes as lesser to 'masculine' seemed more like ingrained patriarchy to me than wanting to ensure the health and happiness of those you care about. I imagine that some of the tradwife movement is a kneejerk reaction to that older wave of feminism. Sadly, because the path they have chosen is inherently isolating, they have no exposure to other groups of thought.

[@ParkrosePermaculture]

I’ve been told that, too. I’ve also been told choosing to be a Homemaker makes me anti-feminist by the very nature of my profession. Lots of deep misunderstanding about what feminism really is from folks who take that stance. :(

[@jonigarciajg]

I'm so glad that your voice is out here!

[@botanicalbecca8443]

Love, love that book Radical Homemakers! ❤ This was so affirming. Although, I do have a deep faith, I'm also a "burn it all down, then build it back better" anti capitalist type of homemaker, and mother of four. Not many spaces online feel relatable to me because of this. (Know any anarchoChristian stay at home moms in the Midwest? 😅) So, thank you for your wise words. I appreciate your perspective very much!

[@rachelwebber3605]

Wow, that was a combination of attributes I did not expect to see together! I think the Midwest needs more unexpected attributes like that. For my part, I have a friend who's in BC representing anarcho-communist transgender Jewish biologist who plans on becoming a parent and who's husband-to-be leans very hard into homemaking. He came out of Texas like this, so there's hope!

[@abigailsmith4308]

Cest moi 😂

[@botanicalbecca8443]

@@rachelwebber3605 Haha that's great! To be fair, I grew up in SF Bay Area (the better side, on the East Bay/Oakland) so I grew up very active in the local punk rock scene, regularly attended protests and rallies, etc. I moved to MN about 12 years ago and feel very at home here. It takes all types to buck the system. 🥰

[@botanicalbecca8443]

@@abigailsmith4308 👊🏼💖 Are you anywhere near MN or Wisco?

[@rachelwebber3605]

@@botanicalbecca8443 It sure does!

[@MarthaHW]

I appreciated your opening so much. I always feel strange saying I'm a homemaker because I have no children. But I like that I am available to others in the community as well as my household.

[@tgardenchicken1780]

I have never bee brave enough, till today to say I am a homemaker. I live alone but have also always volunteered a lot in my community. Today I will say I am a homemaker.

[@MarthaHW]

@@tgardenchicken1780 🙌 yes!!

[@pthomasgarcia]

I don’t do conventional work, I don’t even have a conventional home. However I’m building a house and do a lot of homemaking. None of it earns me money. I don’t think it’s an accident that everything I enjoy is transaction-free. Anyway, what attracted me to your channel was your rare cultural opinions in the permaculture space that’s dominated by fundamentalism, individualism, libertarianism, and the like. When I hear you speak of community, within the permaculture community, my ears perk up because permaculture in the garden is 100% about communal relations between water, soil, microbiology, plants, animals, people, and the planet. It’s the antithesis of monoculture, but a monoculture has superimposed itself over the ideas and reimagined ideas of permaculture. It’s refreshing to see “volunteer” ideas growing within the space

[@rachelwebber3605]

I've sort of ended up as an accidental homemaker. I'm working towards my MSc degree in biology, but back in late 2020 I managed to give myself a bad concussion. So instead of finishing up my degree in the summer of 2021, I had to stop everything and work on physical therapy before returning to my degree. And after all this time, while I'm so close to finishing my degree, I'm still unable to drive or hike for long periods (of which my previous jobs and future desired jobs require immense amount of both). I can't look at computer screens for long periods of time or read physical books, which makes reading, writing and analyzing data extremely difficult and of course makes me less valuable to capitalism. So instead I've been spending the majority of the past three years listening to books on ecology, archaeology, anthropology, psychology, history (particularly indigenous histories), economics, and religion. And while listening to these books, I've been working on making mixed native and non-native permaculture landscaping (first at my landlord's house in Nova Scotia and now at my mom's home in Beaverton), filling my apartment with bonsai fruit trees and shrubs that I've germinated myself and will be part of my future food forest once my partner and I have a bit of land, making meals, canning and preserving foods, and generally taking care of our little apartment. Healing from this brain damage has felt incredibly slow and frustrating, but I am progressing, and being able to take on more and more household tasks is proof of recovery. And it's also just plain nice to be able to transform a small, uncomfortable apartment into a place that feels nice and promotes my recovery.

[@elysenapoli6395]

I'm a homemaker, Christian, homeschool my kids, and stumbled into permaculture when I tried to find a more affordable way to garden. I liked that it worked with nature instead of against it, which I believe Christians should be for, but sadly I'm often looked at funny when I express my love of nature and desire to live in balance with it in Christian circles. It doesn't bother me at all that you have different view than me in some areas. I think it's sad when people can't handle other perspectives on things. My thoughts on things have changed many times over the years, so I can give room for people that have reached a different conclusion than I have on any topic. I had to change my view of traditional roles for men and women in marriage when my husband had no desire to fix things around the house. I realized I had always enjoyed DIY projects and it was wrong of me to place that expectation on my husband when I am perfectly capable of doing it myself, not to mentioned caused many fights early on in our marriage. I also enjoy cooking, which did leave me with the lion share of the work around the house, but we've worked on him picking up some of those cleaning jobs around the house that trad wives probably wouldn't dream of asking their husband to do.

[@Julie-bq6iz]

Angela, I'm so glad your channel found me. As a radical hausfrau, I have at last found my tribe.

[@ParkrosePermaculture]

Welcome!

[@beverlybelcher3423]

This message is so spot on, Angela. I agree. I love being a homemaker. It is sad that our culture tends to devalue the work of a homemaker. I joined an evangelical church a few years ago because a friend suggested I do so. I did not last two years in that church because of the verse in Ephesians that states women must submit to their husbands. I enjoy being a woman, wearing pretty jewelry and dresses, etc. However, I wish to feel equal in value to a man.

[@debbieschaffner2581]

Totally agree! I very much agree with you have expressed. I have been a homemaker for over 40 years and love delving into the skill set. Part of the time I had my own business run from my home, then I went back to school and worked in midwifery, now back to totally homemaking. I read Shannon’s book when it first came out and was so happy to find a written tomb that expressed many of my views of home making. Thank you for all the info and thought you put into your videos! I appreciate it very much! Mahalo!

[@laraharding849]

I have often thought that growing, preparing and preserving food is a way for people of different beliefs can find common ground and heal the divisiveness. It is a real opportunity to open conversations and I'm so glad that you said it so eliquently in this video. We need more overlap and ways like this out of information silos.

[@RedScareClair]

Angela, I can't tell you how happy I am that I found you. Your content is a breath of fresh air. So many others in similarish spaces as you pointed out are staunch right wingers who do what they do because they are full of fear and have...um.. Interesting beliefs lol. Are there more people like you that you follow? I'd love more homemaking/farming content from a leftist perspective. ❤

[@ParkrosePermaculture]

I struggle to find other folks to follow in the homemaking community, so I would LOVE suggestions! Also, I agree on the "full of fear" comment...I know for me, church was a space that fostered fear and anxiety...so much worry over everything...fear of misstepping, losing God's favor, being judged by others...it was a difficult space for me, personally.

[@Riversunfish]

Thank you, I had never heard this unpacked before! I'm a homemaker, but not a tradwife. I grew up around religious fundamentalism and therefore tradwifes, so that was largely my example of homemaking.

[@tgardenchicken1780]

Super well said. I think I need to reread that book. LOVE your channel.

[@HirschfeldHandknits]

I love this explanation. People have actually told me that I need to decide what I want to do when my four year old starts school in the fall... I think what I'm doing is fine!

[@cherylcarlson3315]

You really set me thinking.I have NEVER given myself any of these labels, never will. What I DO is only a facet of me. Am like a brilliant cut stone...52 facets of a whole..Homeowner, fostermom at 25, community activist,gardener at times, unschool mom, nurse, goatherd, sewing, knitting, cooking., active then disabled...nothing is totally me and everything is integral to me. Skills in one area strengthen another. Example , dealing with an angry stubborn goat prepares one to deal with any number of situations with difficult people where sadly can't use stock prod.

[@alibeatty1414]

I am so glad KZbin showed me this video! I really struggle with finding KZbinrs who want to talk about homemaking without the regressive culture. The number of times I’ve started following someone only to hear something homophobic or flat earthy. Thank you for sharing!!

[@eatingokra]

If a so-called "Trad-wife" is googling the internet and stumbles upon your channel, it will be a great service to them! 😆 Thanks for your videos, Angela. We need more homemakers and critical thinkers who also care about their communities and the world at large.

[@belleraduechel7510]

I've been a homemaker for almost 30 years. I've never heard of a tradwife, so that's something new. I got a lot of flak for not working outside the home! I enjoyed learning traditional skills like scratch cooking and canning, gardening on a large scale, etc. My husband and I started "homesteading" back in 2003, but where I'm from (Nebraska) people just do a lot of those things as a way of life, lol. Anyway, I'm a liberal, a Democrat, not religious, not a prepper either, so this video really resonated with me. It's hard to find people in this community who's views don't differ completely from mine. ;)

[@elizabethmarshall7408]

How i wish you lived in my village 😂 There are a few people who would be given a good shake by your views. Love it. Thank you so much. We shouldn't need our lives to be validated by others, but of course it always helps. Never thought I'd be a stay at home mum/homemaker, but it works for our family. Definitely not a trad wife 😂 (my husband would LOL at that idea!) Like you, my political views have changed as I've got older from centre right (UK, so prob quite left by US standards!) to very much green/left thinking. Right, I'd best get out in the garden while it is cool. UK going through a bit of a heatwave so need to get out there before I start melting. Thanks again. Love your channel.

[@jessieelliott3157]

Ive always been interested in home making. Its the feeling of walking into someones home and feeling safe and cared for and taking in the different atmospheres created by the home maker. I think the link between all the home makers is the value they place on a home. Im no trad wife, i just value my home because its home to the people i love and i want them to have a safe secure base that can inspire and nurture them and where they are always accepted. As good as it is to be involved in community, the community can be a harsh place sometimes and we all need a home at the end of the day.

[@jonigarciajg]

Capitalism took advantage of feminism but that's on the capitalists not feminists

[@RedScareClair]

Yep. Between taking advantage of women working in the workforce and debt, they've been laughing all the way to the bank

[@RedScareClair]

@@JavaZombie with women entering the workforce the capitalists have been able to raise the prices of everything rapidly. Sure, you can argue that 2 incomes would raise demand but that's often in the case of luxury or convenience goods. My need for basic necessities doesn't change based on income as much as family size. The assumption is that most households have 2 working people these days. Just look at housing. How many people use both partner's incomes to qualify for housing? What does this do to the price of housing? Women are also still expected to do the lion's share of home and family care. This means women are forced to value flexibility rather than strictly wages like their male counterparts. As we know, wage labor shift work is some of the worst paying jobs in the country and is considered "unskilled." A very large chunk of retail, cashiers, and cleaning workers are women. All of this puts a very heavy burden on families and it shows when you look at industrial nations birth rates declining.

[@maiasita]

Thanks! You're the best!

[@ParkrosePermaculture]

THANK YOU!!

[@kirstmlarson1]

Thank you! I love the Friday videos. I really don’t have much interest in researching the tradwife thing as it seems to be as much about exhibiting an aesthetic to be intentionally shocking. I have no time for people who just want to get attention for the wrong reasons. I am a deeply religious person (orthodox Presbyterian) and would label myself conservative, but neither of those things disqualify me from permaculture. I believe I should be a good steward of my home, family and community. But I also don’t want to get lumped with any influencer movement because I also happen to be a homemaker who sometimes wears dresses and makeup.

[@flowerpixel]

Im on Tumblr and i found out what tradwife meant by looking at the tags of a cute cottage image then googling it. So in a similar vein "cottagecore" is NOT tradwife. I really hate when these terms are used interchangeably

[@ParkrosePermaculture]

I think of cottagecore as queer folx who like to dress like "peasant farmers" and dream of a pastoral life...although it's sort-of morphed into another subculture destroyed by consumer culture...I left most of the cottagecore groups because they feel like ads for cutesy plastic stuff to buy and Shein clothing made by 14 yr old girls in awful conditions...that doesn't seems super feminist to me, but....maybe that ties in to the comment someone left here about capitalism sabotaging feminism.

[@flowerpixel]

@@ParkrosePermaculture yeah it became too mainstream. It's ironic bc "cottagecore" escapism helped me deal with a toxic dynamic (im straight if that even matters) which lead me to actually gardening > permaculture > your channel. I am a good deal older than most of these ppl tho

[@mamaknitte_r]

"We are all in process" yes, this 💯

[@Madisondmclean]

Thank you for sharing this video and your thoughts- I really value your thoughts and this discussion! Tbh my homemaking is/was rooted in trauma as I was a homemaker from a young age. I've since been liberated from the trauma, thus my homemaking has transformed.

[@lisakennedy]

This is great, thanks for unpacking all of this. I’m a doctor, mother, wife, permaculturist and Im definitely a homemaker also, as well as a feminist leftist hippy 😆👌, it can all be so!!! 🎉

[@matthewmaclellan_]

I love this video, and it gave me serious chills. I'm a single, queer, cis male that somehow fell in love with homesteading-ish/permaculture/hobby farming/etc. content and those spaces can often feel exclusionary. Even though it maybe wasn't the point of the video, I love what you said about the (political) angles you come at this from. I bought Radical Homemakers and keep meaning to read it!

[@jeaninecelayeta3370]

AlI ever wanted to do was be a mom when I grew up and stay home and take care of my children. When I had children, I wasn’t an educated person, so I couldn’t afford a babysitter to take care of them so I got to stay home and care for them which was fine with me. I loved my early time with them and I still miss it today. I did go back to work after they were in school. Later I was self-employed and greeted them when I got home. I believe children are our future and they are very important but everybody has to make their own choices about whether they want a career or to stay home. We all have different needs and we shouldn’t judge each other on how we want to live our lives.

[@waykeeperfarmandnerdery]

My husband and I are both homemakers, and we both also work on our farm and in our business. Since we work for ourselves we can be more flexible and prioritize homemaking when we can!

[@fabricdragon]

I know one couple where the wife felt undervalued, and did the math on how much it would cost to "hire" the jobs of a home maker *for them* (not counting relationship or sex, just the home and child care) and it was more than their income

[@fabricdragon]

Ps THANK YOU for the ace visibility!

[@MorePranaGardens]

I live with friends; we're all polyam but I don't date them. We do, however, share in housekeeping. We each have our normal duties but pick up the slack for each other when needed. It's so much more rewarding to homemake in a group that works together than when I was housekeeping solo for husbands. SOOOOO much better.

[@purposeful142]

You are a very natural and intelligent woman . You have good observation. 👍 I think most women want traditional home maker roles. I've seen women who stayed home had lush hair , supple skin and smiling faces In their 80's. It may sound strange, but I have reached the conclusion that women with less education and exposure to the outside world have done better than those who were the opposite.

[@jeaninecelayeta3370]

Never even heard of a trad wife till just right now.😢

[@shaunawilliamson3178]

I 💯 agree. It saddens me to think there are free people still living as if they are property. It's gross!

[@JaneDoe-ft8sz]

If certain people don't enjoy your content, there are plenty more channels to choose from LOL

[@skyekennett243]

Just wow. I've never even heard of a Tradwife!! The things I learn from you Angela. All the way down here in Australia, I wonder if *anyone* here has heard of a Tradwife?! I feel a great big, Saturday night Rabbit Hole coming on!

[@ParkrosePermaculture]

Gabs with Abigail has some videos on tradwives, but I'm not sure if there are any in Australia?

[@skyekennett243]

@@ParkrosePermaculture Thank you...another rabbit hole :)

[@VeganEmelda]

I think I'm becoming an accidental homemaker, haha. Both my partner and I work part-time because we can't afford to send our baby to childcare; I just ended up staying home more because my field is chronically undervalued (early childhood education, ironically enough). But I have also been an activist and professional focused on children, women, reproductive rights, queers, and the environment/animals all my life. I'm so glad I stumbled upon your videos because social media is convinced I'm going down the alt-right pipeline just because I'm interested in focusing on my home life a little more in this season of my life.

[@ecocentrichomestead6783]

A homemaker is the maker of a home. The task is to take a house and yard and make it into a place that the people who live their find it peaceful and welcoming. It has been traditionally left to the woman because it is the woman who carries the child in pregnancy and the woman who breast feeds. This makes it much more difficult to work outside the home. So she stays at home and takes care of things there. A housewife came from the modern way of working for money and paying for everything else. That eliminated the need for a homemaker and the woman became just an object that cost money. So, in a family relationship, it's better for the woman to be the homemaker. But not the weak helpless image given to a house wife. However, it could be chosen that the husband be the homemaker for one reason or another. But, technically, a homemaker is one who employes the skills of making a house a home. That could be a servant and not even part of the family.

[@Bittagrit]

My late grandmother in law was one of the women who marched for women’s rights. She raised 5 kids, taught at the local college. She drove one of the first cars through town and the town counsel tried to stop her. I’ve been a wife over 40 yrs. Homeschooled 3 and found ways to be creative and teach. I’m neither left wing nor right wing, prefer to do my own research and make up my own mind. I raised my children to think for themselves and not follow dogma of any political parties or religious beliefs, make their own mind up. Submissive..HAIL NO! I’m more of a rebel. I chose this path because of the ultra feminists that wanted to eliminate males and the role of the mother from the planet, going on at that time. And I fell in love with a man who has always supported whatever I wanted to do.

[@lynnmoss2127]

Yes thank you! And there will be no social security for you as it's based on the income of the last 10 years of your 'working life'

[@michelestidhamwhitmore8313]

I am 54 have been on and off homemaker not always by choice but by necessity. I once enjoyed it now it is drudgery even though I am living the life I have always wanted. Small farm goats sheep garden chicken ect. The feelings of being a "kept" woman and the tradwife movement make me feel very uncomfortable and worried that someone will confuse my life with "them". The thought of women actually wanting to be part of tradwife culture I find very disturbing and as a woman sickening. Is it because these women have been so conditioned and indoctrinated or are they that weak they would rather be taken care of by a " man"? I do agree with your point that the older I get the more radically left I also get burning it down and starting again does seem like the only option.

[@aromaofhope]

Yes! It's capitalism that is the problem! Thank you for saying it!!!!

[@glyncaemawr6957]

Great video, many thanks.

[@melissamybubbles6139]

I'm glad you're not a tradwife. This makes me think back to being a conservative homeschooled BYU student who didn't know what feminism was. I thought it was a club for wealthy women, mostly on the coasts, who were smarter and more capable and more manly than I could ever be. Between that and my mother's disapproval, which I didn't yet know how to handle, I thought feminism was unavailable to me. I secretly wanted to take a women's studies class but never did.

[@victoriajankowski1197]

It's frustrating how things that were fundamentally left leaning in their inception have been cooped by the right, usually pipelined through capitalism. I mean the homesteading cottage core lesbians are still a trope dispute attempts to make homesteading about whatever the right wants it to be. The communal living communities of free love and capitalism free living (while problematic in their own ways) where not the consumer culture planned living communities offered by billionaires to 'get away from it all' we need to take these things back and try new versions based on what we learned about how they went wrong before. I remember thinking when I was being a homemaker for my polycule, cooking from scratch, homeschooling my kids because the public school wasn't rigorous enough and far to .... Religious for our liking thinking that feminism for all it's accomplishments had failed in one major way, it had gotten women into the work place but it had failed to define the value of the work they had been doing to begin with. I now know that there where people doing that work, and that the image of the fully stay at home wife was actually constructed after the fact and even then only reflected the potential experience of a very few, very privileged set of women. Many women in history would have loved to be stay at home housewives but where not afforded that privilege because capitalism is going to capitalism and some women are less than others in the eyes of the system....

[@GardnSavvy]

I’m in the same exact boat as you but only just started unschooling our AudHD kiddos and man oh man is it hard to navigate finding resources for homeschooling only without triggering algorithms to show me trad bs I cannot stand as an exvan. It’s a minefield.

[@AnnaRoginska]

Thanks!

[@swatisharma9006]

Agree, as important Homemaker job is to family and society; it’s devalued because of capitalism. Homemakers should get a paycheck. The policies are simpler to draft but lacks intent and support.

[@jonigarciajg]

I love fundi Fridays

[@KeithMacKayHome]

Bravo! 👏

[@ludawnhatton1028]

Absolutely beautiful

[@kastenolsen9577]

Read the Ringing Cedars series of books.

[@fabricdragon]

Absolutely!

[@amayatheperson1074]

💕💕💕

[@ajbisek7811]

Lol this need to fit a box and getting upset that someone has an opinion that doesn't fit in the box we ascribed to them is part of the massive intolerance IMO. Feminist, homophobe, housewife, condowife, right wingers, left wingers, it's exhausting.

[@muffininorbit]

being accepting of homophobes is not fighting intolerance.

[@sarahphillips8884]

Omg so hard to find otheral liberal homemakers

[@ParkrosePermaculture]

Hello, kindred spirit!