Honesty

[@BlackMesaEmployee]

you know she cooked when youtube has automatically added a banner for the samaritans

[@hunny___]

What?

[@bingobangobongo542]

@@hunny___ for I think most countries, there is the Samaritan organization that people can call when they are having times of crises and when videos with heavy topics such as this one banners are automatically added under the video

[@AquaticAbomination]

Finland reporting. I'm seeing the banner of the Finnish mental health organisation 😅 (Mieli Ry) with a phone number button for talking with a professional. Curious to hear what peeps from other countries get.

[@chrisheartman9263]

@@AquaticAbomination Italian here: I have the samaritans banner lmfao

[@lemonlordminecraft]

Australian tagging in, we got no banner

[@LatinaCreamQueen]

"Maybe I don't deserve love, but I have it." Beautifully said.

[@terminalglimmer]

That hit haaaaard

[@acemagalor2519]

My Parasocial relationship with a 30 year old trans woman’s got me tearing up

[@Yourlibrarian]

Hey, m8. You’ll be right. *virtual hug*

[@nekole]

i'm pretty sure she is 27 but same... it's a very touching video.

[@GriffithFromBerk]

@@nekole *I’ll* be their 30 year old trans woman (im 20)

[@3333218]

Aren't all relationships parasocial these days?

[@juljasmah]

Bruh why you aging her up like that😭

[@Nkanyiso_K]

When I see the car, I know it's about to be a gut punch

[@paulgerald1985]

Penny throw out that cigarette. I know you can do it. I believe in you! I know you want to, you've told us as much. Multiple times. Edit: Congratulations Penelope! I hope for nothing but happiness and success for you and Mrs. Penelope! I hope you and your built family are safe & secure following Helene.

[@VivianTheVixen]

"And they called it puppy love" broke me in all the sweetest ways ❤

[@TerrinX]

I've never witnessed a human grow so much over the course of a few years, but it's beautiful

[@wkepler22b7]

Hey leadhead, i really needed this and this came out the morning of a really long night, thank you

[@memolone461]

I'm really sorry to hear that. hope you can feel better soon and, a hug if you want one 🫂

[@furinick]

With so many youtubers being creeps and abusers, rich dudes being creeps and abusers, cheating and then admitting it is really forgivable if your partner forgave you

[@teehubruum6844]

While I don't agree with the conclusion that as long as your honest, second chances are always there closing point, I think this story is beautiful. I'm glad you and your partner have worked extremely hard together to right a wrong that was done and move to a mend/heal cycle. Communications, in any relationship;plutonic, romantic, sexual etc, the key is always communication. Always. However, its not healthy to subscribe to; as long as honesty exists and is done, second chances can arrive. The main conclusion in my opinion, as someone who lives alot in my own head over my own choices, actions and thoughts, is that the best thing to do, is hold yourself accountable, even prior to wrong doing and if a wrong is done, don't expect second chances. Know that other peoples emotions and feelings are heavily intertwined with those of your actions and own emotions. Don't expect second chances from those you may hurt. Keep yourself in check, be accountable, and if you can't do that, and you think you might hurt people, well then maybe your best choice is to avoid interweaving yourself into relationships where this can happen until you've worked it through. Its honestly really great hearing you having a great journey throughout all of this. Been here since the Half Life 2 proud to be a human video!

[@DamnCyrus]

AS someone who has been cheated on in a long term relationship (and maybe a second time from a long time friend turned partner) I felt my stomach turn at the reveal. I honestly thought this was going to be a different type of talk, especially with the informational banner under the video I guess thank you for being honest and very open with the information you probably could've gotten away with hiding from the public. I wish your little group wonderful times ahead.

[@WolfOfLegend]

Same here multiple times over. I'm glad they got a happy ending but damn it reminded me why I stopped dating.

[@circependragon1201]

“People improve when they get external love and support.” You are a living, loving example of that. Anyone can recognize their faults and overcome them, and become a better person. Thank you for showing us that it is possible.

[@TehBluPanda]

Growing up, I always thought I was an honest man and that cheating was just something I was incapable of. When I got into my first relationship, I broke my boyfriends boundaries in a way that we never really recovered from. I vowed to myself that I was still capable of being a good man and that I would never do that to him again because I loved him too much. I did everything in my power to reassure him of it every chance I could but even as years passed, the impact of discovering what happened and what I was capable of doing just permanently changed his view of who I was. It's honestly my biggest regret, even now after we've been broken up so long. It really says a lot about how strong you are that you found it in you to tell her yourself what was going on. It really says a lot about how wonderful you guys are to each other to be able to forgive and move past it.

[@Lemoncakelover678]

Is it okay to ask what did you do to him? Did you cheat on him or?

[@slonkazoid]

when i was a viewer back before you even came out, i would never _ever_ have expected to see a video like this, and, wow. all these videos over the years really helped me understand things about life that i was previously ignorant of. seeing you grow, fall, change, get back up has been straight up inspiring. also BANGER shirt at 38:00

[@axelprino]

At this point watching this channel feels like listening into someone's else therapy session, really awkward and I fear that any comment I might make it's sorta wrong in some way. But don't worry too much, I don't know about the rest of the audience but as far as I'm concerned even if I tried I can't really hate you because this is closer to watching a documentary about a stranger that just happens to produce art that I like. I don't know actually know you even if I know about of details of your life, there's no emotional attachment so a strong emotion like hate just isn't viable. Also you're a likeable character.

[@xanosghoul]

This video although unintentionally, was great therapy for me and how jaded I've become in recent years towards relationships. Emotionally I just resent open relationships now because of the amount of times people have used them to cheat on without feeling bad and the "You shouldn't love me" schtick has been a constant in my life after I've been mistreated. But knowing someone can do better after being in that place, enough to be constantly stressing communication and being good to each other is refreshing in a way I didn't know that I needed.

[@TakeMeToYoFishmonger]

holy shit leadhead has been COOKING these past view months

[@Lumaleee]

real

[@pr3historic647]

Cooking with infidelity 😎

[@epultric5007]

This was a video that dropped at a very important time for me. I’m actually dealing with the fallout of my actions affecting a relationship I’m trying to build with someone. The discussions of agency, and self flagellation hit hard and just working on the honesty to discuss and learn from our issues to actually move forward. As I write this, tomorrow I’m going out with this person and hopefully things can be the start of something special. So thank you for sharing this story and motivation to be better.

[@prismiemona]

I hope it went well

[@epultric5007]

@@prismiemona we in a relationship and are taking it one day at a time.

[@silver1788]

honesty isn't pretty, it's beautiful everybody deserves true happiness "someone to give you support for being alive" some things i thought while watching thank you for this

[@nootrecruit]

I don't have the words to say what I wish I could. So take this, instead: Thank you for sharing this journey, and be well. I'm looking forward to the future of you and yours.

[@PachiiMochii]

I havent seen the whole series, but something I genuinely admire about the work you do on your channel is that you make videos that genuinely provide an insightful, almost intimate perspective on topics, so seeing something like this feels like a good way to put a bow on that. At first, I was shocked at the revelation here, but hearing the whole story makes me understand that there can be a way to resolve things in the midst of strife. That in accepting to be honest, you can heal yourself in addition to the people who need it the most, like that old saying: "what doesnt kill you, makes you stronger." Here's to the future for yall!

[@BoxiesMinion]

yet another leadhead video that brings me to tears but im so glad you made this video. i am in a sense glad that everything you talked about happened. sometimes it takes a terrible thing for good things to happen. congratulations to you and your girlfriend and wishing you all the best in everything that could possibly happen in the future

[@LouCaille-n5j]

I think uploading such a personal video is a wild gamble to see just how far honesty can take you. And as far as I'm concerned, it worked. I find this degree of honesty very refreshing and it puts a lot of weight behind this video's message. I'm impressed. By your girlfriend for managing to turn things around. By you for breaking the patterns holding you back. Your current and future happiness in your relationship is more than earned.

[@aelamf]

your grillfriend sounds like a a fantastic person

[@aelamf]

girl

[@stephannahmed7918]

i love grillin

[@thog8169]

her grill buddy seems nice

[@firefly9838]

Wish I had a grillfriend😔

[@arielvalentine2500]

absolutely beautiful video. Beautiful filmmaking. A great message too, and such a rough watch lmao, just because of how heavy this infodump is. You did really well, and as a person who came from a broken abusive home ending up with my girlfriends who I am honest about everything with and love so much, this was such heartwrenching watch. Congrats and good work with the personal growth, and of course good luck with your future growth, and your life going forward. I look forward to see what you make going forward!

[@good-sofa]

As a kid my environment(basically my grandma who i lived with for two years) i was taught that lying was the way to go because if i told the truth, I'd get punished. As of right now i became way more honest in life and you talking about "telling every little thought" really felt affirmative because that's what i do with people i have a deep connection with

[@AlexQuinn-f2r]

Ten seconds in and I just flashed back to 2023 and the same clock ticking rhythm of the "please retry" beep in SOMA- it wasn't a good year and the game was one of the closest things I felt to not being alone I'm so exhausted...

[@VeraTheTabbynx]

this... feels a bit odd to say in youtube comments, but... are you okay? Do you need someone to talk to? Sorry if that's awkward

[@AlexQuinn-f2r]

@@VeraTheTabbynxit's ok- I understand the awkwardness I am definitely not ok- over the last 10 years I have been hacked, doxxed, used, manipulated, gaslit, exploited for being neurodivergent, forgotten, left for dead, crippled, lied to, had everything and everyone I can remember I have cared about turned into trauma or entangled with trauma and been socially isolated for this year with my family who were the people I fled from last year and eventually had no choice but to go back to this year and stop and wait to save enough to afford healthcare, leave and pay for the government fees to re-establish my ID and accounts after needing to destroy all of them after suspected identity theft and being hacked while trying to ignore my deteriorating health issues and hope I can still transition after coming out in 2023 One of the reasons I love SOMA is I relate to the character Catherine Chun and some of the story's exploration because, among other reasons- my parents set me up to participate in a experimental clinical trial for TMS (transcranial-magnetic stimulation) designed to "treat" OCD (it didn't work and I have later been submitted to be reassessed for autism and ADHD and CPTSD)- but I had a 3D imaging of my brain generated using MRI

[@AlexQuinn-f2r]

I think KZbin deleted my responsive comment

[@VeraTheTabbynx]

@@AlexQuinn-f2r it seems so

[@AlexQuinn-f2r]

@@VeraTheTabbynx trying again- the short version is the last 15 years have been progressively building more and more horrible memories and SOMA is a game I love and empathise with- particularly the character Catherine Chun

[@Aurelius_unofficial]

I can say from unfortunately personal experience that being a "pathological liar" doesn't just happen one day, it's a long, awful slippery slope, and it's rarely stopped in one day It's horrible, stay honest

[@aftertaster]

I swear if you don't stop changing my goddamn life in less than an hour, we're gonna have problems.

[@Serakin6857]

I... Didn't expect that I would not hate you after this. At the start I was very very ready for this to just be a typical apology video, but having watched you for a few years now and after having listened to you make it very clear how important this one was to you at the end of your last video I made sure to actually *listen* to what you had to say. A LOT of your videos over the years have made me cry and this one has definitely joined the list. My entire life I'd been *very* firm in believing that cheating was evil and made that person evil, and the times I have been cheated on, the person has never made any attempt to change or to grow or to improve. While I still need time to go away and stew on this, and to work out exactly how I feel about it, I can at the very least say that my opinion HAS been affected somewhat already. Without listening to this I think it would have taken me a long time and a LOT of hurt to realise that just because someone cheats doesn't mean they can't change and grow from it, and I think it's really important that you and everyone involved have been willing to share this story.

[@Phil.Anthropy]

As someone who has been through this exact thing, a few times in my 37 yrs... I can't wait to finish this. The horrible torment I caused so many. And the feelings of the love that stayed... somehow, grew and now can last forever. Starting young hurt the chances, but growing together ensured the test of time can happen. Sorry for making your story mine in the comment section... but thank you. Thank you. Edit for finished product: CONGRATS!!!

[@itshel2677]

I honestly think you have all the rights to make her story into yours. As soon as an artwork gets to an audience the artist has to let go off it. People will have thoughts about your work and you can't control that so the best thing you can do is invite them to engage with the art and make it their own. Having watched her subjective truth video recently I think she understands that very well. Stay safe, stay curious and do your best.

[@Phil.Anthropy]

@itshel2677 I agree with that idea, my issue would be the time attached. It was 31 mins after the vid dropped and almost seemed I didn't let the "art" flow through me long enough before I went "HEY THATS ME!" It just felt a slight bit disrespectful to her point of this video, since it was going to be big. Thank you for your words. Be well

[@itshel2677]

@@Phil.Anthropy Understandable I think. I can only really speak on this from an artistic point of view since I never had any intimacy with other people. I can't really imagine all the emotional weight that comes with this topic which had an effect on me in it's own way.

[@papacheeseburger]

30:52 I'm going through a rough patch in my own relationship. This was a well needed wake up call. I was going to click out of the video because of how real it got, but I'm glad I pushed past my discomfort. This is a beautiful video. Thank you for reminding me of a basic truth, one that's been staring me in the face for the past month.

[@aggrievedcookie3273]

This was an outstanding video. This was worth listening to. I’m glad you were both able to work through this and come to a solution together. I loved hearing your story, these videos have always been something I have to listen to.

[@daniellemurnett2534]

I was gonna make a joke about depression hotlines monitoring the Leadhead channel so they can prepare for the increased workload on upload day but then I thought about it and maybe the videos _decrease_ the number of calls in the fantasy exaggerated world I made up where a single relatively small KZbinr's upload schedule affects a large enough percentage of the population to make a noticeable difference. Or maybe it's both and it cancels out. Or maybe this entire thought exercise is all a big ploy to distract myself from the way this video makes me feel when I have similar enough life experiences that it resonates with me and I don't like big feelings. Much to consider.

[@moira_meteorite]

ive seen this video coming ever since the first allusions to what you did. that fact that it did come makes the disappointment a lot less sharp, but honestly i dont entirely owe disappointment to a stranger. not many people can come this far in becoming a better person

[@Amenlimit]

A few days ago, I've met up with someone I like and I was well aware that she had a boyfriend and they're on a monogamist relationship, in my case, I was the Ashley in this situation. From my perspective, as a polygamist, I didn't seen it as a wrong thing to do as long as there's complete transparency, we were flirting for a while now and her boyfriend was aware of that and he didn't mind at all, but mistakenly we took it as a "Go for it" when in reality wasn't. While I was kissing her and getting handsy on the back on my head a voice was rattling around saying that we shouldn't do that, and lo and behold, I shouldn't have done that. Today she told me that she talked about what happened between us to him and he didn't liked that, but luckily he wasn't mad at her, it was just one time thing and she told him straight away, so he's fine with us being friends which I'm really happy about because I think she's a wonderful person and just having her around my life makes my days. Honestly as the title of the video says, during that period of time that I didn't knew how things where going to end, I've felt guilty because I've put her on a situation that could jeopardize her relationship, I thought the worst scenarios like she was going to be mad at me because I was an accomplice of her possible breakup. Now that I know that it's all fine I've felt relief, and we've promised to not do that again for as long as they're together or decide to open up the relationship. Both of us like each other deeply, but that doesn't justify the fact that what we've did was wrong, I don't feel regret of what happened and neither she does, both of us feel at ease and we're happy to stick around, I know I can count on her as much she can count of me, and that's why I'm in love with my friend, because she's dead honest and I'm glad that she didn't hid it from him. Being honest and upfront builds trust, being a pussy and hide it does the opposite, so if you need the feel to open your relationship, just communicate it to your partner instead of cheating your significant other. Much love, this video was just what I've needed, thank you :)

[@giha.3347]

I've been through something similar to this and it really does hurt like hell. But working on being honesty, being genuine and making an effort to communicate, they have brought me joy that i genuinely thought i'd never have. I'm so happy now, and i'm so thankful for the kindness and the patience and the love all around me, from my partners and my family and my friends. Thank you so much for this video, it really was an important that one. Wishing you and all of your found family the best, hope you're all safe and doing well

[@syberkai]

As someone who went through my young adulthood (18-25) believing "The path of Least Resistance" through lying, is the right thing to do, and friends and my partners told me how that was incorrect, thank you for sharing your story. I grew up in an abusive home, constantly walking on eggshells and in fear, which leaked into my relationships and friendships in a horrid way. The aforementioned friends with a incredibly kind and talented therapist have taught me that honesty, kindness and giving myself as much of that as I give to others is the right way to do things. I haven't spoken to my abusive mother in nearly three years, while remnants of that life still haunt me daily, I'm a different person than I once was. This video caused me to deeply reflect on poor choices I've made, especially in the last three years. Now at 26, It was the nudge I needed to not fuck up again, to use the fresh start I recently received to be a new version of myself that I can thank for later instead of being angry at. Thank you and congratulations to you and your future wife 💜

[@gunzette]

I don't think there is any channel on youtube that has helped me improve more as a person than your channel. Thank you so much for what you are doing. There may be videos by other people which make me feel better in the moment I watch them, but you're videos have done so much more for me by making me think about myself and how the way I act impacts the people around me. Thanks.

[@AraAnoukh]

Everything I want to say has probably been said by other people in this comments section, but even so - I really don't know how to feel about this video. On the one hand I can relate to the parts where you talk about habitual lying, or feeling like you protect people's feelings by not telling them things. It's something I've gotten better at recently but was a big problem for me for years. On the other hand this was so deeply personal, so raw that I feel like I shouldn't have seen this. Maybe it's part of the radical honesty of you and your wife that you're able to share this but the public nature of the internet, the fact that everything is commercialised and devoured by the great content machine? To put something out there about something that cuts so deep *feels* uncomfortable to the extreme. It fucking resonated, like a gong, like an echo. I just don't know that we, the consuming and faceless masses, should ever have known this. I wish you and your wife all the best, sincerely.

[@0hate9]

as someone who cares a *lot* about honesty, and who hasn't always felt that way or acted that way, this video means a lot to me.

[@The_Rat_Bridget_Fan]

The progress youve made over these years is so genuinely inspiring Thank you for making these videos

[@rylands4289]

i feel like i dont deserve to watch this. this felt like my emotions reading the book of disquiet

[@AnInnocuousBlueCube]

A fire in Checkov's Armory tonight. It all makes so. much. sense. now. I'm rooting for you crazy kids! I wish you all the best.

[@carlosjunior1984]

Hey Leadhead, thanks for your videos, specially this one, i think i need it. I've been having the same problem with my gf of not being able to open up and be totally honest about how i feel and think with her. As a person who suffers from social phobia, opening up is one of the hardest things for me, and hiding things that i think she'll dislike not only removes her agency but also makes us further apart instead of keeping our relationship well. These unsaid stuff led to many painful moments that could have been avoided if i was more upfront and sincere. I've been trying to improve my communication over the months, but there's still a lot to improve. Thank you for inspiring me to keep going and showing how getting this close and open with people you love can be scary but very rewarding ❤

[@justpotato8119]

I really want to finish this video but I just kind of... hate it. I don't hate you, or your relationship, I just hate this video, I dont know you so this is purely me guessing and overthinking, but to me this whole video feels like someone who's abused the trust of someone else excusing themselves, I do think relationships after cheating can work, I do think its the partners choice and I do think polyamorous relationships can work too, but the way things were revealed, the way things went through as you did them, it really makes it feel... wrong. I really hope im not the only person feeling this way, I feel like if this was a video about you discovering you are poly and then your partner accepting that, it would of been a perfectly fine string of events, but having that type of conversation after the cheating just feels like it puts your gf in a really weird spot, and to me it reads as your partner holding the relationship as much as they can. As I said, I don't really know any if you, so I cant really say what you do feel and what you don't, for all I know the relationship is going into a healthier space and if it is Im glad! But I do wish this was a video also told from the perspective of your partner, because if they were someone who got their trust and respect broken, you would hope to see their words plastered in this video as well. Take it all with a grain of salt I guess, thats all I gotta say, good luck with everything!

[@KnjazNazrath]

EYES ON THE ROAD! Damn...

[@thog8169]

THATS WHAT IM SAYIN

[@celeste_1993]

I love how you can just ( at least now seemingly ) just be open about anything you feel, I hope someday I can get to that, but sometimes it feels like to even find someone I'd be that comfortable with is such a pipe dream, let alone de learn all of my fears of judgment and that whole mess.

[@Sapphire-c9f]

congratulations on your proposal, im so happy for you Penny, i wish you both the best!

[@aliceangel2799]

All i did was take away their agency. I wish id realized sooner. Living vicariously through you in a totally normal, not parasocial way, i think even if i didnt get the good ending, at least i got closure. Hold her tight, Penelope

[@jeremyv2686]

The whole affair thing that you told felt like someone reteling my own history, but this one had a happy ending, and you know what, thank you, seeing that someone got dealt a hand pretty close to mine and managed to not only live to tell the tale but also that tale being a happy one, feels me with a type of determination to live the ive been slowy building up. again leadhead, thank you for being this honest and open, trully thank you

[@kinamiya1]

be safe out there this video is incredibly beautiful also your car interior its so pretty

[@lollyde]

i respect you so much, Penelope. i'll be doing my best to really, truly internalize this video so that someday, maybe, i'll be a better person too. thank you, and your soon-to-be-wife, and everyone in your family, for being an example of what communication actually looks like

[@5000_People]

As much as I'm glad that things have ended well, I don't believe you're being fully honest. No-one truly believes 'what they don't know won't hurt them', they just think a slim risk of hurting those people isn't worth caring about, and you've shown yourself capable of the introspection which would make this obvious. You just previously didn't care that your girlfriend could be hurt. Hopefully you do now, but it's not 'oh my paradigm has changed, I had a provably philosophically faulty viewpoint that I've now discarded' it's 'oh I realised I respect my girlfriend too much to continue lying to her for my pleasure.' Anything else is just trying to save face again. Sorry if I'm being harsh, hard to respond negatively to what is essentially an attempt at a heartfelt apology video.

[@SaberRexZealot]

It’s hard for me to sympathize with cheaters

[@stephannahmed7918]

I totally agree with this to be honest heads will say oh it got out of hand or have these justifications but like you always still have agency you still made the choice that the temporary pleasure was more important than the feelings of this person who loves and cares about you. I'm glad things worked out but you have to have a code to live by and follow that code even when it denies you things imo, and as 5000 said I worry you are not being honest with yourself and your girlfriend on this front.

[@Lemoncakelover678]

​​@@SaberRexZealotSame. The video is very interesting and in a way I kinda admire that she's honest, but I can't help but still be confused for the life of me of why someone would still stay with someone who broke their trust: the foundation of a relationship. Who clearly didn't care about them when cheating, who was too selfish to consider them and how it will impact them when the cheating turns true. And the whole cheating thing is still on the back of my mind as well because it's still a conscious decision that is a selfish and inconsiderate one. Maybe it's because of my sexuality as an aroace as my lack of attraction affects my perception of relationships, sex and love in concept. Or that I'm too apathetic/judgemental because of my logic in cheating. I don't know. Either way, best of luck to them ig.

[@randomcartoon8901]

Honestly, i don't think this should have been uploaded. Obviously it was your choice and your channel is, in one way or another, a very personal thing, but i do wonder if there is a line, have you crossed it here? it feels like such a deeply personal matter to bring to bare for thousands to see. But that's the point isnt it? i could sit here and discuss the implications of it all day but that's between you and your therapist, but what's between you and me, people who do not know each other at all, that's something i feel this video in this truest form is: a conversation where one party has not earned the right to the information provided.

[@namagem0]

After watching this the minute it came out, and taking some time to digest it all, I want to add to this and say it’s hard not to agree. I’m very glad to hear that you and your friend group and partner were able to make things work but it feels so intensely personal. Again, echoing the above, I can understand that that’s really the whole point, especially watching the playlist with how these pieces of media echoed through you. I’ve enjoyed all the criticism and introspection you’ve introduced but this does feel so very, very personal. Seeing your social media, I understand you’re very open with things, and even here you bare yourself open in a way that is so rare and yet also almost open to the dialogue of parasociality. I do want to say that this level of brutal honesty did give me plenty to think about, and beyond that, plenty to consider. I do not say this with the intent that you should have withheld something creative that meant so much to you, and in fact, explains your formative experience…but it does feel that it will incite so much discussion. Media, as produced, foments discussion and engagement but I do worry how much this will inject itself into your personal life. I’m conflicted. This gave me a lot to think about, especially as someone on the other end of the cheating fence, but I cannot lie that there is some held concern that this will only incite people to intrude further into things. I’m sure I echo the sentiment of prudish folk in that thought but still, so many that engage with social media DO get wrapped up in the stories of others. Ultimately, I do wish you and your partner+family well. To have overcome this all is exemplary, the kind of thing that communication as a standard seeks to achieve: total parity. I just don’t know if this was the medium to tell it through. I know you address this in the video-and a few times at that-and it does cap your progression excellently. I just don’t know if it’s something that’s digestible and communicable in the way you intended.

[@jacobwalbridge123]

I’m curious what about this feels different in terms of appropriateness compared to a song, a poem, a painting, or any other form of public art media that tells a deeply personal story?

[@randomcartoon8901]

@@jacobwalbridge123 feelings are hard to quantify but again, echoing my above statements, it feels like a very personal matter between other people

[@s11youtube]

this video is super important and i think a lot of people in the queer community could learn from this. Ive had a lot of people ruin relationships, platonic or otherwise by trying to manipulate and "protect" me and people i was with by lying. i like to hope they meant well, but they've done some truly evil awful shit thinking its okay to manipulate and lie to "help" people. Its a dangerous mindset, and honesty is always the beat option.

[@killercodyj658]

This is what I love about humans. When were so deeply connected, we can heal impossible wounds by making a change in ourselves for the benefit of both parties. I wish more people in the world could take this as a lesson that, honesty and empathy really do go a very long way and communication is absolutely vital to success. Im proud of you for making a change and being honest, everyone deserves a second chance and i think you did wonders with yours.

[@juljasmah]

I think this is my favorite video of yours so far

[@juljasmah]

Also want to add just how much i love the production of this video and other videos on the channel

[@roomfullofmischief]

I also thought of myself as being good at communication, until I found out how hard it can be to talk sometimes. I haven't been in a (romantic) relationship yet, but that's my biggest fear. That something could come up and I won't be strong enough to work it out. This story gives me hope that I'll be able to make that step and work it out together. I'm happy for you two c:

[@FunctionallyLiteratePerson]

Thanks for your honesty about all of this. As someone who has been on both sides of issues related to honesty, I definitely agree with the part about giving second chances to those who are honest about their mistakes and try to change. I've been cheated on a couple of times, and have anxieties to this day due to those times. I've also had similar issues with friends causing us to stop talking. I really would have given people another chance if they were honest and tried to change, but unfortunately that hasn't really happened. Im glad things ended up well with you, I hope you're safe. Trans rights 🏳️‍⚧️

[@deadrussianzom1]

I am disappointed in you Lead. Been here for years and fell in love with your content because of how in depth you would go into whatever you talked about. Video games, mental health stuff and even trans stuff. One thing I never thought I'd have to deal with from you is treating someone close to me like a monster. Calico provided all evidence to suggest her innocence in the situation, and the mods showed you everything, and you decided to keep her banned and continue to allow people to spread word of this person being a creep. Both of us loved your content, but I don't want to continue to support someone who is okay with looking at all the facts, and deciding to continue punishing someone for something that wasn't true.

[@jamespeake4883]

You know, with how much you were building this one up, I was starting to get worried it would underdeliver, glad to see I was wrong That said, PLEASE focus on the road when you're driving, don't risk the lives of yourself and others for a shot in a KZbin video

[@Ruostevuori]

I don't think anyone could nor should hate you for becoming a better person. I know I am just a stranger on the internet, but I am very proud of you.

[@itshel2677]

Wow. What is this woman? I mean she just manages to hit where it hurts the most in the best ways possible. Every video I have seen so far is just the exact thing I am looking for. Wether it is in authenticity or in artistic ambition, she just hits the right spots for me. I mean Penny used the 1st and 3rd person segments of MGS2 to describe the players relationship with Raiden and I couldn't help to agree with her view. I swear to God she will be the reason I will finally get out of my rut and start creating like I always promised myself to do. Nothing but the best in life for her and for those she loves.

[@TheEvelynMakesThings]

Sorry but "what is this woman" got me worried 😅 My brain read it as what is a woman. Thanks matt walsh for ruining my brain

[@itshel2677]

@@TheEvelynMakesThings Yeah that man messed with my brain for sure. If it makes you any less worried I'm trans myself lol

[@wind_reader]

This is the most brutal, sensitive, sensible, and artistic display of honesty I have ever seen. I have a lot to learn from this and from the love you all have for earch other.

[@willby_]

Funny how the video thats given me the most hope in months also has a suicide prevention banner on it.

[@halfdecentstrange]

ma'am this is a wendy's parking lot

[@SousaphoneMusic]

maybe i'm projecting but i feel like in our modern world with all the content and comfort and technology we've kind of forgotten how to be a human. I feel like this kind of art, the type that teaches us how to feel and that does justice to how complex people are is really important in this time.

[@eldmusic]

This video inspired me to work on myself. I’ve struggled with being fully honest and respecting other’s agencies. It helps a lot to hear how someone else got past it. Knowing there’s a future for me is extremely comforting, thank you.

[@PolythenePam0451]

one of the best videos i've seen all year

[@captainscowllyface]

HELP. HELP IM LOST IN A VIDEO GAME ESSAY CHANNEL SURROUNDED BY NON VIDEO GAME VIDEOS HELP ITS CRUSHING ME

[@freshmot1]

Thanks a lot for this video. I often feel like I don't measure up to my friend's standards. I wanna be a good friend, a good boyfriend, but sometimes I feel I hurt them.

[@spectacularlysentimental]

I really appreciate the vulnerability it took to make this video. I personally loved the message on honesty even though I can't relate to the exact situation you're in. Also, I hope you continue to have a fruitful relationship with your significant other! Congrats on the engagement!

[@Syyrenn]

I honestly understand all of this on such a personal level... i've basically transitioned alongside you, so I can't help but feel a tad of a parasocial relationship here, though at least one i'm conscious of lol so, well, I just want to say thank you, for exposing your story to us all, for being so brave, and for taking the opportunity your girlfriend gave you and not squandering it /gen

[@EtchJetty]

i... am currently in a similar position to ashley, in your story. i was the party that helped cheat. i didnt know it was cheating, but i really, really should have -- and when i accidentally told the affected person what was going on, it all tumbled out from there like, everyone involved in my personal story IS a polyam trans person yk. its so much messier always than a "normal" relationship could be described. while in your story ashley "knew" vs i had assumed that everything was above board / open... i dont know. we're left with the same parties in the end. and right now i hate her even though i really, really loved her for a long long time and i still. feel. so fucking strongly about the whole thing i dont want to hate her. i want your video to come true to me. its a perspective i, like, -- cant -- consider. because of where i am in this quagfuck. i cant consider it on my own, at least. so this video ... i want it to come true for me. ive never had an understanding of what it could look like before but now i have... one example. and it's a really good example, and it's really important. thank you for sharing it. it means more than i can say in one comment.

[@TomBintener]

I only found your channel yesterday and watched your Cold War and disco Elysium video, so I'm not completely in the loop, but this video was great. For a longer time I was between two paths myself of shielding or revealing different thoughts that may hurt somebody. I also chose to let the people decide for themselves, and the feedback is generally positive. Having less walls in any form of relation is comforting, even when the initial step might take courage and is sometimes connected to some consequences. Your video reinforces my belief. I am eager to see some new videos of yours and will go back to some old ones. Good luck on your journey and that it might convince more people to trust each other. :)

[@ScaleParasitoid]

What a channel! Thanks for talking about honesty, sharing your stories. And also your videos are beautifully done. ❤🐚

[@hotpocketsat2am]

this really doesn;t match the tone of the vid but i got only a glance of the thumbnail and thought it was a bulborb from pikmin for a hot second

[@mariadelgadocastillo7004]

this really hits hard. I'm going through some similar shit in terms of recovering, listening to this really helps me not feel a little. thanks for posting this having something else I can see myself of in you

[@kronlund420]

about a month back i suddenly got out of an enmeshed relationship, living, and working situation, with someone with an incompatible attachment style. so many fucked up things happened, i did terrible shit i'll regret to my grave. our relationship was in that state of stagnation, of half-truth and no integration, for months. it only stopped after the lease ended.

[@ScaredJade]

That was a lot heavier than I was expecting. I cant imagine being so open like that in my own life. Its really awesome you were able to come to the conclusion you did

[@todaysdystopia283]

I stumbled upon your channel less than a month ago and have been watching your stuff a lot. This is a wonderful video and I wish you, your girlfriend, and your family good things only.

[@peashootercat]

I really admire how much growth you've managed to not only attain but measure, and how you've allowed this experience to be shared to others through encouraging them to better themselves as well.

[@v-ug2jx]

I say this as someone who's worst fear is getting cheated on, and who decided monogamy is best for them; i'm happy for you, and I truly wish you and your found family the best. Somehow, seeing the inner workings of what goes into cheating, what kind of issues a cheater might have, mitigates the fear a bit. Even though I have no tolerance for it, it humanizes the people I fear, and makes them less "evil", if that makes sense? (bpd havers will get what i mean).

[@ComposerKuandohan]

I usually watch your personal videos more than your gaming videos. However, this is the first video that I think is way too personal. I was expecting this realization at the end that made everything you said before it okay. That never happened. All I see in this video is someone who is taking advantage of someone else who is desperate to not be alone. This “open” relationship is not going to be 100% forever. I was not there, but I know that this will not last if the other party was monogamous. Polyamorous people are notoriously selfish and hard to deal with. I know this from personal and outside experience. And a monogamous person will NEVER be okay with an open relationship at some point. If you guys are okay with this for now, that’s fine. Just get ready for the real bomb to hit someday. I feel bad for your girlfriend. She really cares about your happiness more than herself. Her depression shows me that she tends to be more selfless than selfish, and if who she loves is happy, than she is happy too. But there will always be a tinge of depression inside her that will nag at her saying, “why wasn’t I enough for him.” I don’t care if I’m overstepping, I truly just see Leadhead taking advantage of someone else, and it’s sad to me.

[@amitytwt7646]

It’s very hard for me to empathize with people who cheat on their partners, but good job on starting your journey of becoming a better person. I wish u the best.

[@arbormoon]

Ultimately, the primary thing I take away from this video, as well as my own experiences, is that you should always prioritize a true sense of self-respect. People who lie constantly to those they love almost always deeply hate themselves and, to some degree, those around them. Keep the faith. You are worthy of the time, effort, and pain that it will take to become a better, more honest person. You can start right now. If you have something your mind has been nagging at you to tell someone in your life, you deserve to have that weight lifted from your shoulders. Be true to yourself, be respectful to those in your life, and most of all, be honest.

[@SuperMaya022]

This video resonated with me a lot. I've been subscribed to your channel for years, but only followed your stuff casually all this time, so I didn't know a lot about your personal life. I remember your video where you came out was a very big thing for me, cause at that time I was trans-questioning as well (not questioning anymore, been on HRT for a year now), so I always felt a connection to you despite not really following your stuff closely. This video feels similar to me. A lot of things you said about yourself in this video rang true for me as well. Gave me a bunch to think about. I'm glad it all worked out for you as great as it did, thanks for talking about it so openly

[@Surepeacooler]

I love your videos. I've watched most of the videos now included in the honesty playlist, except for i think the first 1 and youtube says i hadnt finished the minecraft video

[@DarkZeidon]

damn, your videos are sooooo great so openly sincere and demand the attention to your sentimental maturity i really feel great to have someone speaking that fluid about her own feelings and without moral paradigmas beautiful statements...

[@luveyourself]

Thank you, your videos really helped me and this one opened my eyes on many many things wich i feel like i've been avoiding, your really an inspiration for me and i hope you and your girlfriend will have a happy marriage

[@Jay-esterloveskirby]

the lead head finale

[@Thump3rrr]

I did something similar. it breaks me to think about it. she was the woman I was going to marry. and I betrayed her. I lost my chance of true happiness cause of my shitty behavior. I think about her everyday and wonder if she does to. but I'll never know.

[@zoeytheirishbottom]

i tried to watch this, im 8 minutes in but i really cant,, i hope maybe one day i can watch this and not feel regret for things ive done in my own life, i hope that i can move on from the someday

[@Josiah_C]

I feel like I really needed to hear this I’ve been on the precipice of a lot of this- I think I need to talk to the people in my life more and better. I need to stop hiding me from them. Thanks.

[@vepply]

COMMUNICATION IS LITERALLY EVERYTHING👏

[@soup9911]

After not watching you for upwards of a year this is definitely, an video to come back to.

[@goose3339]

ive been avoiding watching your recent videos cause im going through shit mentally and emotionally and i knew they would be too resonant with me, but i watched thsi one for whatever reason. I think this was good for me, i think your videos show me something i need to aspire to and someday will hopefully be

[@ajplays-gamesandmusic4568]

I managed to keep from crying until you put down the mic to take your girlfriend's hand, and then she rested her head on your shoulder. I miss car rides with my girlfriend so much. (I don't even know why I keep calling her my girlfriend. She hasn't talked to me in two years).

[@dugl]

Thank you for this film. Thank you for honesty, I love your videos