Hookups Trap: Bad Sex, Female Raw Deal (Literature Review)

The parts (part 1 is 00:01): 36:10, 54:42, 1:15:35, 1:24:36, 1:40:29, 1:54:33
PROBLEMS in DISCOURSE of SEX
No such thing as man, woman, just people (unigender, gender vertigo)
Language male POV: penetration, not engulfment
Studies only of college students, mainly in North America
TRENDS IN HOOKUPS
Decline in vaginal, increase in oral, anal: influence of porn
Desexing of oral sex (“not sex”)
Compulsive sexting on the rise, strongly associated with dark triad traits
Increase in distress, depression, anxiety: few want to hookup (they prefer relationships), but everyone pressured to do so as bon ton and cool
Hookups typically with extreme substance abuse intended to disinhibit
Double standard prevails
GENERAL TRENDS
Decline in relationship formation (incl. FWB), marriage
Moreover, as number of sex partners increased, marital thoughts decreased, for both sexes (Townsend and Wasserman, 2011).
Sexlessness/celibacy increasing
Alcohol consumption decreasing
Sexting and other normative as form of LDR and substitute for casual sex with strangers
Explosive New Patterns of Sexually Transmitted Infection
Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: www.amazon.com...
LITERATURE
Socius: Sociological Research for a Dynamic World Volume 7: 1-12, March 1, 2021. Why Are Fewer Young Adults Having Casual Sex? Scott South and Lei Lei
Social Problems, 2019, 0, 1-17. Doing Casual Sex: A Sexual Fields Approach to the Emotional Force of Hookup Culture. Lisa Wade
Sexuality Research and Social Policy volume 7, pages 323-333(2010). Hook-Up Culture: Setting a New Research Agenda. Caroline Heldman & Lisa Wade
Archives of Sexual Behavior, June 2019. Associations Between Motives for Casual Sex, Depression, Self‑Esteem, and Sexual Victimization John Marshall Townsend, Peter K. Jonason, Timothy H. Wasserman
Review of General Psychology 2012 June 1; 16(2): 161-176. Sexual Hookup Culture: A Review. Justin R. Garcia, Chris Reiber, Sean G. Massey,
Ann M. Merriwether
Sociology Compass 1/2 (2007): 775-788. The Shift from Dating to Hooking up in College: What Scholars Have Missed. Kathleen A. Bogle
Sexuality & Culture (2020) 24:1397-1417. Lessons in Casual Sex: Narratives of Young Swedish Women. Michael Tholander, Ninni Tour
Journal of Gender Studies, Mar 2016. 'No girl wants to be
called a slut!’: women, heterosexual casual sex and the sexual double standard. Panteá Farvid, Virginia Braun, Casey Rowney
Personality and Individual Differences, Volume 127, 1 June 2018, Pages 61-67. Why do women regret casual sex more than men do?
Leif Edward Ottesen, Kennaira Joy, P. Wyckoff, Kelly Asao, David M.Buss, Mons Bendixen
Personality and Individual Differences, Volume 133, 15 October 2018, Pages 17-20. Exploring the hook-up app: Low sexual disgust and high sociosexuality predict motivation to use Tinder for casual sex. Barış Sevi, Tuğçe Aral, Terry Eskenazi

[@devinagrace1999]

"Women are at an enormous disadvantage once the sexual encounter has started" you've got that right!

[@lisamichaels4516]

Hook-up culture in the middle aged population wasn't discussed. I know we aren't as interesting. However, as a single 50 year old woman who is active on dating sites, I have found the hook-up culture to be similar to what college students are experiencing. The compulsive sexting, and substance abuse, and one night stands are common. It's also "not cool" to talk about feelings. My question is about the psychological impact on older adults. We don't have to be so concerned about reputation, or feeling accepted by our peers. So, are the adult singles who are participating in hook-up culture experiencing the same amount of depression, anxiety, and confusion? My hunch is that the answer is yes.

[@samvaknin]

Yes. And some of these behaviors are linked to dark triad traits. instagram.com/p/COaK6QODAk_/

[@lisamichaels4516]

@@samvaknin I remember you said that in this video; that got my attention. Thanks, I will look this up.

[@dianevanderlinden3480]

girls need to say no again ...lol. A guy I was just starting to date asked me for nudes. When I told him I would only do that if I were in a loving , trusting, secure relationship he seemed shocked. Needless to say we're not together.

[@dianevanderlinden3480]

@@vita8409 what's also odd is people who substitute those things are often considered to be workaholics who use work to avoid relationships, or misanthropes who substitute pets for people. But what are you supposed to do if your radar for people is just bad, or you don't have the time and energy to filter through a lot of them.

[@dianevanderlinden3480]

@@vita8409 I would agree. Sometimes society sees pathologies that aren't really there.

[@jennysilver2577]

You summed it up perfectly. There’s no such thing as relationships anymore and sex is often a means to getting love. Thank you for sharing all of this. As always, in depth and brilliant.

[@toddkobylarz7863]

A truly frightening presentation. Humanity is clearly in trouble.

[@joetheboy04]

You know you are in a different generation when you are surprised to hear that oral is not sex anymore.

[@TheJett1904]

Yes it is sex. Just another example of people thinking that just because they deny something, it isn't true. Welcome to societal gaslighting.

[@creepydoll2872]

Its been presented that way by the media at least since the early 2000s, there was so many teen shows when I was kid about this topic and how it is and the risk of STD’s from it like Degrassi but I guess it didn’t stick. There aren’t really shows like that now for teens about real stuff. Its very fake and fluffy stuff or heavy on drug use like Euphoria.

[@MK_ULTRA420]

@@creepydoll2872 The other grandmas had the real stuff censored.

[@danielmalherbe1984]

😂 show me your home planet please

[@shirleykurtz]

@@yuitt Oral sex is sex. Women may not get pregnant, but that is the only difference.

[@scorpification]

For those who need a time stamp: Part 2 starts at 36:10 Part 3 starts at 1:24:42 Part 4 (what happened to dating): 1:40:29

[@scorpification]

Obviously, I was rebellious and watched it all the way through without breaks. Haha!

[@samvaknin]

Thank you very much, but I am afraid you missed 4 of the parts!

[@brieclayton9528]

This video is crucial. Sam, thank you so much for saying everything you have said here. I have my own theories as to how any of this happened, but what does it matter. These trends are completely tragic for the human race.

[@brieclayton9528]

@@streetfashiontv9149 Go powertrip on someone else, creep.

[@johnc2802]

@@streetfashiontv9149 Relax.

[@robnelson6545]

I’d be interested in your theories.

[@Ravenafeedsravens]

Great analysis. I am in my 30ies living in EU country and this video is ON POINT. I am taking a pause from dating to heal for a couple of years. I am a mere observer now. Frankly, what an alarming trend this hookup phenomenon is. Not participating in it, no, thank you.

[@crosa6422]

married adults are engaging in this behavior not just young adults and teenagers.

[@hn3864]

Give up, devoting self to pets and career and becoming schizoid. . . Well, at least my reaction is "normal" 😅

[@amcleary3255]

@@manuelalonsodominguezvazqu2145 what a ridiculous thing to say

[@amcleary3255]

@@streetfashiontv9149 wow why so hostile? toxic

[@amcleary3255]

@@streetfashiontv9149 so threatened that a woman prefers her cats to you?

[@martynapk4314]

Your analisys is exactly what i noticed when trying to date someone. If you have conversations with man and they sense it will not lead to sex they will not even bother to meet you. For them is waste of time and they know there are many woman especially young ones who will agree for sex in a first date. Hope for normal relationships is very low and its very sad

[@someonesomeone25]

I would forget all about human relationships. Many men and women have simply abandoned the idea,and the ones left are mostly just looking for hook ups. Relationships,even if you do get one, usually fail or end in tears anyway. And are very risky and costly. Tulpas and tech seem a much better way.

[@David-bl6wm]

View it from the man's perspective; why would we bother investing time and resources into a woman who we have a sexual interest in if those feelings are not going to be reciprocated? I don't necessarily think that sex should occur immediately on a first date, but after a few dates or weeks of seeing someone you should know whether or not you want to sleep with them. I agree that it takes time to grow comfortable and familiar enough with someone before having sex with them, that's not the issue. Most men who still bother to date do so primarily because we want to have sex with women. In the event we realize that is not going to occur, irrespective of the reason(s), yes we will usually cut off all communication and contact because there is no reason to maintain it. It's akin to working in an occupation for which you receive no compensation. Charity is one thing, but working for free is another. While I understand there is a deeper need for interpersonal connection outside of sex, without that factor the rest seems to be taxing work for its own sake, which as I've previously alluded to isn't appealing to most men.

[@gosiaemilia5175]

David, please consider that women are as fully human as your male friends. Do you also perceive spending time and talking to your bros as charity work? Women have ideas, inner worlds, sense of humour in equal capacity to men. It's interesting that you refer to talking to woman as 'doing work or giving her your time. What about her time? In conversation, you're giving time and attention to each other, it's not only your time that counts or is of value. Do you consider talking to all people you don't have sex with 'occupation for no pay'? That's sad..

[@someonesomeone25]

@@gosiaemilia5175 I think you've misinterpreted what he was saying. I think, if I got him right, that what he's saying is that dating is a waste of time if there's no sex.

[@gosiaemilia5175]

In that case i'm sorry :)

[@maelentrewela2395]

Sort of off topic, and perhaps you have covered this. I am young and spend a lot of time in waiting rooms at doctor's office and hospitals. I have done a study myself of people willing to speak to strangers in those settings. I find over 50-60 and above will willingly drop cell phones, tablets, books and talk but under that are increasingly unlikely with ice breakers such as "spend most of my life in waiting rooms.". The young (30 and less) are startled to hear anyone speak, seem to avoid it, and actually look shocked when I've gotten an entire waiting room speaking to one another with the aforementioned ice breaker. They watch us speak with open mouths and darting eyes. Is it an inability to speak to strangers in person versus online social media?

[@orinva2410]

@@jenniferbrower but we go to have sex with them(i mean people we dont know), Does it make sense to embrace hook up culture but avoid any other social interactions outside of usual comfort zone (not online)?

[@maelentrewela2395]

Doesn't really explain the older people being willing to speak. They, too, were raised to not speak with strangers. I also live in a small community and go into medium sized to large cities as well and it is the same in all of them. Who knows. But it is interesting in the times I have gotten over 20 patients (pre COVID) to speak to one another, being hailed as I am called into the clinic, "Nice talking with you!" Meanwhile, the 20 something who is only a few years less my junior and also female, couldn't stand to speak for ages and watched us with wide eyes. The person in question did finally say something which everyone laughed at appreciatively, and she obviously relaxed. I fear social phobias, agoraphobia etc, is highly on the rise.

[@dlittle39dl]

@@orinva2410 ........ Exactly...💯💯💯...Get Online To Send Messages, Exchange Numbers & Then Start Sexting Them.......& Then, "Screwing" Them.......Based On Lies.........That Part.......

[@auaticamazon]

Really valuable talk. Thank you. This content should be a mandatory course of study for young people

[@walterward8164]

At 68 I see trends. In many areas. Like watching waves from the ocean coming into the beach or the nearby rocks. Different depths of shallower beginnings spread out before us. Knowledge not taught or known? Linear continuity broken from generation to generation. Socially we are living in 1920s to 30s. From high times RAZZMATAZZ to depression. families torn apart. Diseases, drama and despair

[@georgekk1444]

Interesting to know. I had the same feelings and was feeling like a divergent. On the surface everyone plays it cool with ONS

[@superktmduke]

@@camto9771 office of national statistics

[@dlittle39dl]

@Prof.Sam Vaknin.........Sir, You Hit The Nail Right On The Head........The Younger Generations Are Completely Lost & Dumbed Down........They Are Dangerous........ Excellent Video,Sir.......💯💯💯👍🏾

[@lenorechurchman-davies4969]

Makes me think of Mr Goodbar: dangerous behaviour.

[@Youbarkimeow]

One of the many reasons I can't just hook up regardless of if its trendy or not I did years ago and I felt vile and I was utterly disgusted with myself for doing it and knew it happen again,It's interesting when I tell men that I don't do lookups they seem really disappointed and often times think I don't mean it being a private nudist gives men the impression I perform in casual sex. I love having connected sex but in order to do that he and I have to be romantically and emotionally involved and monogamous with each other seems like I'm asking for too much smh.

[@Youbarkimeow]

@@Smokillo I'm happy you found your other glove that fits 🙂 in time and only when the time is right for he and i it will happen I'm patient 😺

[@Youbarkimeow]

@@Smokillo Aww Cheers mate 😺🤟

[@Youbarkimeow]

@Edwoods Philosophy I hope your not dating again due to a past experience and yes it's always good to focus on yourself first.

[@ImCheesedOut]

@Edwoods Philosophy who hurt you?

[@narcissistessays968]

Can't wait to listen to this. Your video 'Meaningful casual sex, one night stands: Their emotions and psychology' was phenomenal 👌 I did post the link in a previous comment but it’s not there now but it’s in the playlist and well worth checking out.

[@babycakes8727]

Really good work. Helpful and resonates. Thank you.

[@paulagratefulnoend9683]

This discussion should be heard by every human being. What age??

[@lenorechurchman-davies4969]

Brave New World: 'take a soma,' darlink. The whole damn thing is incredible, but I have sons in their 20s now and they and their friends are not this way (to my knowledge not that we discuss such matters, but I didn't either with my parents, or even sisters 100 yrs ago). Yrs, Lenore C-D I shall digest the stats below - with horror.

[@vaidap1911]

Are the ones that are happy with hookup culture that narcissist college population?

[@vicky35442]

Amazing sense of humour and very useful data ❤️

[@giorgossimopoulos3723]

Excellent presentation professor. Your candid analysis got me hooked immediately and already ordered a few of your books. I'm also really interested in the problem of mate selection and the number of previous partners, maybe you could do a video about the issue?

[@rhontopo]

Actually in America removing the gender of the newborn from the birth certificate is in discussion.

[@firstnamelastname6038]

This behaviour is known as bonoboing or simply bonobo culture.

[@TheJett1904]

Yes, people are much easier to control when they are reduced to their baser animal instincts.

[@lordhater4207]

@@TheJett1904 People are only as good as the world forces them to be, not an ounce more but if they can get away with it a lot less.

[@TheJett1904]

@@lordhater4207 as far as I know, the 'world' doesn't force anyone to do anything. People act from internal motivations based on their character from what I've seen.

[@lordhater4207]

@@TheJett1904 Precisely, word doesn't force you do anything, and people always follow a path of least resistance, sometimes that path leads somewhere, but most of the time it leads nowhere. People rarely have a real choice, due to a string of things that aren't even the fault of other people, not to mention deliberate and intentional sabotage by other people, and in small sliver of things they have control over, they fuck up in vast majority of the cases, it then is weird to call hedonism ("i can do whatever i want" types) freedom and proclaim that it compassionately benefits majority when in reality it benefits only tiny minority like so many other things, opt out, stop serving a broken system is my way.

[@lordhater4207]

@Rosemary Terra That's also my view of our current interpretation of the "West", and watching Sam i gather it's called "Faulty world testing" in large part because of their fantasy world they live in, and the fact that they erase everything that does not conform so they dissociate reality and live firmly in their fantasy world they've constructed to legitimise their horrendous behaviour, which is the reason i suppose that those who emulate narcissistic and psychopathic behaviour and strategies are also confabulating.

[@whitstable11]

@41:52 - Lisa Wade

[@whitstable11]

1:03:57 - "Hook-ups are the here and now. Hook-ups end with the condomn and a dismissal after the hook-up."

[@carolegyptienne]

Love watching you Sam - 💕

[@lordhater4207]

Wait what? Did psychologists finally acknowledged human biology? Well it took them 30+ years to figure this one out, R and K sexual strategy is well known thing in biology, as so far as brave empowered individuals these "rebels" are concerned, it's nice of them to be so conformist, these "critical thinkers" without an ounce of independent thought, you know this explains feminist rage very well.

[@leochester4521]

After boning blues. That’s what I call it

[@jaycoolio2305]

Could you consider making another video on the psychological mental health effects of OnlyFans (online sex work platform)..would love to see your views on that

[@bhavyasharma8091]

What the the components of Balance of Power, the second factor in Sexual Democracy?

[@asabovesobelove6803]

Is the amount of dark triad traits basically the amount of trauma a person has?

[@samvaknin]

No.

[@chandmoon9526]

I would like to know the studies with the dating data.

[@user-kpkxgtj]

All the studies and texts referenced are listed in the video's description.

[@chandmoon9526]

@@user-kpkxgtj Thank you.

[@user-kpkxgtj]

@@chandmoon9526 no problem

[@audreymoore3340]

Yes, you are very handsome 😊✨

[@amcleary3255]

don't feed the narcissist

[@zensurf2709]

Intellectual charm, abounds(:

[@ytusersumone]

One type of flirt qenerates more behavioral flirt culture

[@someonesomeone25]

Just forget about human relationships and get a tulpa and tech instead.

[@jgalebrubeck1838]

Not on topic, but are narcissists on the autism spectrum?